 My camera was already flashing red and I literally turned it on. Hope so you guys welcome back to my channel. If you're new here, hi, hello, welcome. Two of you guys have got me something from my Amazon wishlist, which it made me really happy opening it. It's only this, like listen to that. Like it made me so happy. And it's lavender, so me likey. And I also got a Charlie Pink Spray, which makes me... They both made me really happy. And you know, I would do the same thing to whatever it was. Like, I'm hosting a post your link, let's buy each of your gifts. Make sure you draw a smile and all of that. On the community tab on my channel and leave your link to your Amazon list. Maybe check out some of the list. My list is linked in the description down below. It would be really cool to see what you guys have. And I hope I can buy you all something. It really made my day. Today I'm sharing with you the story that led to my bipolar type 1 diagnosis. Right, so my camera just died. Let's carry on where we left off and get on with it. This is about my first ever psychotic episode. It's intense. It's dark. It's damn right terrifying. But my purpose of sharing this is to show how real all this really is. And just how complex the human mind actually is. I'm going to stop talking about random shit because I've already had this. So, let's do this. So, let's dive on into my story. So, the first thing that I did mention in the beginning is I'm diagnosed with bipolar type 1 along with other mental health issues. I have got other videos talking about that. So, feel free to go check out the playlist. When this happened I was undiagnosed. I was not on medication. This was, this is to think led to the admission led to the bipolar diagnosis. So, this is like before all the mental health diagnosis. This is before I knew what hallucinations were. This is before I knew what psychosis was. The first part of this is where I became really paranoid. The paranoia is what triggered absolutely everything after that. And what triggered the paranoia? Bullying. Childhood abuse. Just a few things. The first thing that I got paranoid about was that people were always watching me and I still have this anxiety now with people. I was so convinced that I just wouldn't talk at all. I would talk to my family. That was it. At school I just wouldn't talk and I ran to the register. This is like a gradual thing. It wasn't all at once. It was gradual over months and months and months. It never just boom happened. The next thing that really happened was I started to get really convinced that my family mainly and my mom was poisoning me. And that was when it started to play into a delusion, which is what led to the full-on psychotic episode. So, I got convinced that I was being poisoned because I had started to experience odd thoughts, I guess you could say. Like what I now know as delusions, I was starting to experience that but I've been how young I was. I didn't know anything about mental health. How would I know if it wasn't normal? How would I know if it's not what everyone thought? That went on for a bit and now we're sliding into the delusions where it gets quite sinister. I'm not gonna lie. It does. The first real delusion was I thought that I was destined for hell. I was 100% convinced that my mom was poisoning me so I would die and go to hell. Having that thought, even for a minute, even now terrifies me because no, me and my mom do not get on nor have we ever got on. But, I'm pretty convinced she wouldn't sacrifice me to a death. Apparently, look younger me. I didn't quite believe, so you learn things right. I thought that I was also being targeted by other forces. Like, out of the dungeon forces, at higher power, I thought they were out to get me. And I just became so overly paranoid and panicky about everything. Every little noise I would look over and find it. Kind of why I'm so dreampy now, but then I was even worse. This is where this story gets quite dark. I was so convinced that me ending up in hell is what was gonna happen. I tried to offer sacrifice. I tried to offer blood of sacrifice. I literally slashed my own arms and it was not a great situation. So now we're gonna move on to hallucinations, which for me is what stabbed the final male into everything and is what got me a bit tough as well. To this day, I am still terrified of this whole thing. I first began to see shadows moving when they shouldn't be, and I still experience this now. But I was basically convinced that I was already doomed and I was seeing people's horrors and you can imagine what I was like. And I remember the night that a hospital admission became... It was when I ended up in A&E first, and this is dark. The room turned not red. It turned like the horror movie set sort of thing. So the air was really tight. It felt like there was stuff around you. And then I started seeing these little black birds that turned into darts that were hitting me and I could physically feel being hit by these things. And it literally ended with me so harming. I thought I was on fire and I thought I was being dragged to hell and I literally nearly drowned in a bath. Because I was so convinced I was set on fire. Here's the spoiler. I wasn't on fire. That is the whole story. I know it's not too detailed. I think we can live without the graphic descriptions of things. This is what had me admitted to a CAMG unit and this is what had me diagnosed with Prokoflotype 1. How did you get diagnosed? When did that come about? That was the first ever mental health condition I was diagnosed with. And it also runs very strongly in my family. Escaping it in my family. Like, men's illness just is a thing. Um... I do have a lot of stories like this to tell. But they're all slightly different. It's quite... Some of them are hilarious. Some are terrifying. I do have a lot of stories that I want to share but I thought, where do I start? The beginning. Best place, isn't it really? So, do you have any experiences like this? Let me know in the comments down below. I'm really intrigued to find out. And I'm also nosy, so... But, um, yeah, that's my... This is sort of what I did when I was diagnosed with bipolar. Getting the nose. Oh, I just wanted to find out. I was eating a screen crime.