 What's up guys you want to be alpha you want to be masculine in a healthy way You want to be a badass husband father and friend listen to this episode where we talk about the 11 things You should focus on to be an alpha male also We're gonna give away a free workout program maps anabolic the most alpha of all of the maps programs We're gonna give away for free. Here's how you can win that program Leave a comment below in the first 24 hours talk about masculinity Talk about what you think it means to be an alpha male put it in the comments If we pick your comment as the best one will notify you and you'll get free access to maps and a bulk but you also have to subscribe to this channel and Click on notifications turn that on one more thing before we start the podcast Two great strength building programs are on sale right now maps strong maps power lift 50% off go check them out and go sign up at maps fitness products calm Just use the code August special with no space for that discount. All right. Enjoy the show Good time to reveal the alpha male Out with the episode like that that's how people that's how people think Yeah, yeah, you know All joking aside, there definitely is and there has been for a while a crisis of masculinity and It's evidenced by all of the The children that are raised without fathers. This is a big. This is a big deal. It's big problem. Did you see that? It's been under attack, you know for quite some time now. It's it's all over the place Yeah, did you see that that Jordan Peterson just had Warren Farrell. Yeah, he did. Yeah Yeah, we had it was over to you know is over two years when we had him on there It was not a popular conversation back then no, but there's a lot of I mean obviously a lot of truth in that you know and what they attribute to toxic masculinity, you know the The traits right of like, you know being violent and aggressive and treating women terribly That comes from Oftentimes if you look at the statistics on men that do that kind of stuff, right that go to jail They're dysfunctional that treat people that way The vast majority of them were raised without a good solid strong male role model And so what you're left with and here's my theory What you're left with is when you're a young man and you don't have this male role model is you? Create what you think Masculinity is and where do you get your information from movies? Yeah TV Media rap music rock music whatever and so you think oh being a guy means being this aggressive asshole and treating women terribly and You know not taking responsibility and living my life the way you know whatever and that's so false. That's so so long It's the opposite of what real Masculinity well, let's let's define what makes it an alpha male. I'm gonna be a fun episode To break down all the things that we think that define a true alpha male not this Image so much that you see not this engineered alpha male that you'll see like on Instagram or whatever else Yeah, you know for me at least the best example I have of that is my own father He was a great Role model obviously not perfect. Nobody's perfect, but he showed He respected my mom Showed her lots of respect and love he respected his father and his mother and the people in our family that were older than him I mean, you know to this day If my dad is sitting in a particular chair and my grandfather walks in or one of my older uncles or you know One of my cousins walks in who's pregnant my dad will get up and offer his chair and show lots of respect my dad was Definitely not someone you want to mess with he definitely was very confident and could he could kick your ass I mean he was a he was a judo practitioner very strong guy, but he also showed lots of Restraint calmness. He's very steady and stable. I remember one time. There was a situation where he did get physical with somebody and He restrained the person and improved and did he could have totally really hurt the person But instead he held the person down and showed lots of restraint and that had a huge impact on me as a kid because I Could see that my dad was you know, he was he was controlling himself. He was showing temperance Well, I think that's a lot of what defines a true alpha male is is having these certain Capabilities, but then refraining or knowing when to use them and wouldn't not use them, right? Totally. So I but for me I really wanted to do this episode because I didn't have that I didn't have a good example Growing up, you know, those that have been listening to show for a long time know that my father passed when I was seven my mom Married into a very unhealthy relationship after that. So I really had to piece this together as I got older into adult And I think a lot of Where I picked up on you know, what what defines or makes it an alpha male was in my pursuit of leadership is Reading and learning about what makes a good leader because you'll see as we go through like, you know Yesterday, we wrote down all these lists We all started firing off all these different things that we thought making off a male and That one of the things that I found that that the common theme throughout all this no matter whether it was Justin Or you or me making a point a lot of it aligns with what also makes a great leader Mm-hmm. So a lot of the stuff that I picked up over years was from reading things along those lines You found mentors. Mm-hmm. You found a lot of mentors. You found them in business, too Didn't you I did a little bit in business I'd say a lot of the mentors that came in books, you know, that was a lot of the stuff that I think I aspired to be like There wasn't a lot of great role models even in business like I didn't have the best leaders It went in our companies that we worked there was some But there I was also stuck in a position where I didn't think that The the men that were above me and so they weren't people that I aspired to be like I found a lot of that stuff through through reading more than I did in examples in real life Yeah, I yeah for me again, it's just Watching my dad watching my grandfather The respect that they showed the women In the family the respect that they showed Their elders the consistency That they showed My dad was it is very consistent very, you know strong In his position and it was great. It was great to have somebody like that You know to look at and to watch and you mentioned being, you know, a great leader I think that's important. I think it's also important to know when to follow Which I think is a good characteristic of a good leader, right? It's it's being able to know And to be humble enough to Say I can learn from this other person and I don't need to You know assert my dominance constantly. That's a big one that you see in false Masculinity or fake alphaness is this guy that asserts his dominance all the time, you know, when they do studies on primates The primates that like chimpanzees and gorillas and by the way, they're way more violent than humans are right, but still The leaders are not the ones that Fight everybody They're the ones that could if they wanted to but but do the most for other people in their group and tribe And so they have that respect because the ones that are hated and feared as soon as they turn their back You know a group of monkeys gets together and then We'll jump them and attack them and kill them and you've seen this in history, right with With tyrants where they they'll you know before you know it they they get poisoned or killed and Because they they lead through fear and intimidation Well, let's let's go down this list the the ones and we can we can briefly talk about maybe what we mean Uh by this because some of some of them are obvious and some of them are not so obvious Actually, I wanted to ask justin you you've mentioned the past. You've had great coaches in the past Yeah, that showed you this when when did this first hat like when did you first have a coach where You had that example One of the first examples was my football coach and a lot of times it was just about doing the right thing and that was In all of your actions Whether or not you were on the field or you on campus and and just the realization that everybody's watching you And you are what makes up Uh who you are as your character is what you always do So if you would bring up examples of like when we would you know Some guys would hawk lewis and spit in the halls Or talk talk down to somebody else and intimidate them and he would jump all over Those guys and correct that uh, and it was just one of those things where Every little detail Was something that we tried to aspire every time to to get better at and so it was very much of a growth mindset that he was implementing with us, but it was very It was very impactful on me because um, just the integrity that he showed us was Was something that between him and my father as well Um, you know, I got really good examples of of integrity and always Staying true to doing the right thing. Yeah, that's great The first, you know, the first one that came up for us when we were writing this list Which by the way is in no particular order. No, but this one this one was like popped up for us Which you know, which kind of says a little bit about it, which is to The because I think young men At least especially kids. I know I did. I thought that being a man meant never being afraid, right? Like, oh, you're fearless But that is not true at all What's what I remember, uh, I had a client once that I trained that was a He was in the on the swat team in san jose And we actually talked about this and I said, aren't you Like when you go and you do these raids or you're in the situation's like, don't do you still get afraid? He's like, yeah, of course He's like, I could lose my life in any moment and he said, but you know, you just go you do it anyway And I remember that being such a powerful thing To hear and then there was a conversation I had with my son when he was little Where he said, oh, you know, he was he was scared of the dark and he said, you know, papa I wish I wish I was not afraid like you because then I could be brave And I said you can't be brave unless you're afraid. That's right, you know, like like Superman running into a burning building. He's not brave. He knows nothing's gonna happen to him a firefighter Who could die from the flames? That's bravery right there. So I think it's important to know that You're you know, be an alpha male. You're gonna feel fear But you do what you need to do anyway, you embrace it, you know, I'm scared, but I'm not true True courage is is is going into fear. That's right and acknowledging that you're afraid But you do it anyway Yeah, totally Well, I think that's one of the things that I learned in Leading some of the reading some of the leadership books was that when you have these situations where you you feel fear Is instead of running from it or trying to avoid it or looking for another way around is to go through that and I think that's a just a definition of of what makes an alpha male or a leader is The ability to accept embrace that this is scary. This is gonna be difficult. I there's a good chance. I made I might fail I won't I won't make it through whatever But yet you still move forward and towards it. Yeah, there's a couple examples I can think of just with you guys that I I watch this and by the way, I think it's important to surround yourself with other Men who exemplify some of these things because you do learn and pick up on them But you know, like Justin for example, a lot of people don't notice when we started the podcast. He was probably The least comfortable person, you know being on a podcast being on camera You know doing that kind of stuff. It's kind of against his nature He never once faltered always Did it never said anything never complained never Tried to make it so that it was different always put himself out there And I thought that was a great example of kind of what we're talking about and then with you adam You know the because of how you grew up You know, I'm I have to imagine you probably had some fear of even having your own kids because of what you experienced And yet you had your own kid and you're a great a great father So two great examples that I can think of of, you know, you know being afraid but doing it anyway And moving forward and I think that's that's really awesome. The other thing that comes to mind is Speaking your truth, right speaking the truth. I should say, you know, your truth But the truth and I think that sometimes the truth hurts Sometimes it's scary to tell somebody exactly how you feel or what you're thinking and I remember the first time that I learned about radical honesty and that always stuck with me in fact, it's one of our core values in this business and I just I I learned like years ago that The more honest the more radical the more radical honesty that I could put forth or the way I could speak The truth to people even if it hurt even it was difficult It always ended up working out for the better Even if it was difficult to go through it originally and say it and you know, it's it's a practice that I think that You're always evolving or trying to be better at I don't know if anyone is ever perfect at never telling themselves a white lie or being a hundred percent truthful But to be pursuing That that truth all the time. I think is what defines an alpha man You know speaking the truth is especially important when it's unpopular To speak the truth or when you're it's scary To speak the truth, you know, a lot of people don't this is I mean throughout all of history You know, it's most important most important. Do you know how many? Travesties could have been stopped if people were just just continued to open always speak the truth Even when being intimidated or even when violence was put against them. I mean you think of like You know pre-world war two germany and you know, the nazis right and Everybody's like, oh my gosh, how could so many of them go along with what was happening? A lot of them are afraid the same thing with you know, the soviet union or You know that when when Mao took over with china people were They were they would be thrown in gulags or prisons are killed For speaking the truth. So people were so intimidated that they would just say what they were supposed to say which allowed Terrible things to happen So especially when you're afraid and I know that's easy to say right easier said than done But especially when you're afraid to speak The truth this is why one of the most valuable You know without going off on a tangent one of the most valuable Freedoms we have is the is the freedom of speech. It it explicitly exists to protect Unpopular speech because popular speech does not require Any protection, you know, so very important and and this is definitely Part of number one, which is to be you know to be brave right is to say, okay Well, I know I'm in a room full of people who are going to chastise me But you know one plus one is two like that's the truth and so I'm going to speak it And I'm going to speak it often. Um, yeah stepping out in a crowd And standing your ground is is a very very hard thing to do Um, and that's just something that especially if you know What's right and what's true? Um, you know, that's your opportunity and it's getting tested but very difficult to do that But that's in my opinion that is is a definition of an alpha male totally. Um, the next one I think is really important just to be a good person Which is to always strive to be better than you were, you know what I mean to improve upon How you were yesterday, which I think is the only fair comparison by the way I I think it's not fair to compare yourself to other people Everybody's different, but I do think it's fair to compare yourself to yourself You know and you know like with fitness for example, I'll have people who will be like, oh man, I You know, I would train clients or work with people and they'd say things like, oh, I I You know, I I'm so inactive and I'll say well, how many days did you work out last week? I only worked out twice. Well, how many days a week did you work out three weeks ago? zero Like you you're doing a great job. Like you're improving and that's I mean And if you improve a little bit every day, man, that makes tremendous differences in the in the long I feel this is kind of like the embracing the fear too It's kind of like embracing your flaws and recognizing your weaknesses and recognizing that you have places to grow and being Okay with that embracing that I know There's a better version of me out there tomorrow if I continue to pursue that and to be Accept and be okay with your weaknesses your flaws your setbacks in the pursuit of always trying to be a better version of yourself And I think accepting that owning that and pursuing that Is so important. I'm gonna keep tying back to leadership because to me that's that's my connection that I've made With this in in my life is being able to to see that okay This is what makes a good leader is not necessarily having all the answers or or being so great But the pursuit of consistent growth. Yeah, do you guys have any strategies for this? For yourself to help yourself with because this this requires a little bit of like self-reflection and self self-awareness right because uh, like you don't know what you don't know type of deal You know one thing that I do is I I I try to surround myself With people who are better than I am at something that I want to approve upon right? So if I want to get better at public speaking, I'll find people either follow them on meet social media or watch them learn from them, uh, or if someone's better than me at Yeah, whatever like to to have myself around people like that. I can't help but In you know improve Myself because I have that that that context right that person next to me who account as opposed to Always surrounding yourself with people that you're you feel like you're better than or that you don't learn from Which might make your ego feel good like oh, I'm the best How the hell you don't learn, you know from something like that Yeah, and definitely surrounding yourself with people that uh you aspire to be like in in certain areas You recognize that you could improve Also, just immersing yourself in an environment that is completely uncomfortable Um and and sort of working your way through that and in starting at the bottom all over again Um provides a great opportunity for growth Uh, it is very challenging to do that Uh, and it's something I've had over the years to to get better at challenging myself to do because being comfortable Uh, you know, it's way easier. It's something that uh more Naturally, uh, you want to gravitate towards, you know making your life a bit easier, but every time I I decide to Um really immerse myself in a direction where I know Um, I'm going to be struggling the whole time. The other side of that is just so much more fulfilling Well, I think a lot of that is um Challenging your own beliefs right not smelling your own farts all the time. Yeah at the I used to do this um and this practice is something I did for years like cheese Uh, I used to do at the end of every night. Um, I'd lay in bed And I think about like all the the different state changes that I had throughout the day positive and negative But I was I was most interested in the things that negatively impacted me things that Made me angry or upset or frustrated if I got in an argument with somebody And then I would I dive into that situation and instantly the first Thing that I would do is to remove the other person from this meaning that No matter if it was sal who said something that was let's say insulting to me And right away I would go we'll forget sal and exactly what he said take take that person out of the focus Yeah, that person is not what I'm looking. I'm here. I'm looking. I'm pursuing self-awareness and growth with myself right now And he affected me somehow emotionally. I gave up some of that power So what is it about what he said that made me feel this way and many times what you'll find it It is a reflection of some deeper rooted insecurity that you have Like it had nothing really to do with the insult that sal said It's that I identify with that insult somewhat because I allowed it to emotionally affect me negatively Otherwise it wouldn't bother you. That's right. Yeah, like if I'm like adam, you're short like that's going to bother you Because you know you're tall. That's right. Yeah, so what is it about that that made me feel this way And and that's where the real work is done and self-improvement and growth and the first step to that is becoming self-aware Of those moments and it started as a evening practice that I would do all the time And just like anything else if you practice that a lot and you get really good at it You can start to do it in real time So instead of the next so the next time because you're practicing it Yeah, because I've practiced that so much at night time like reflecting on my day Now in real time when say another person I meet Says the same insult that sal said I Immediately I can feel the the the change in emotion and the feelings that are going on internally right away And instead of reacting to what he's saying I have the ability to internally go like oh, wow that that stings That's that that thing that i'm still dealing with that goes all the way back to childhood That i'm still working through and trying to get better and the more you practice that the more You can get real time with it and not allow those situations to Effect you yeah, I like that I remember you saying that a while ago and I started doing that I thought I was really valuable You know another thing that I did and I do that I don't I do it sometimes still but I used to do it real often Was if I had a very strong opinion about a subject I would find people who had an opposing opinion Who were smart and intelligent and can present their case well And then I would debate them But the goal for me wasn't to beat them in a debate the goal was to see if they if I could You know understand their point and I would do a good job of presenting my case and Most usually I would come out and I would say okay Well, I I still stand by my position But every once in a while I would have my mind changed which was a great feeling You know my ego at first would like that right you don't want to lose the debate But afterwards I would kind of like it and be like wow I'm not wrong anymore. I have a better position Because this person you know engaged with me you could do this actually quite well on social media Just got to be respectful because otherwise it turns into a you know a shouting match or it becomes really annoying This next one I think is really important because we live in kind of this Time where if we do something good or do something right I guess it doesn't count if nobody sees you do it So really it's it's doing what's right because it's right bottom line. That's it. That's there's nothing else There's this old marketing saying that says something like You know donate ten thousand dollars to the needy and then spend and then mark spend a hundred thousand dollars in marketing letting everybody know That you did that right? Which is that's the opposite of what I'm talking about. It's like Do the right thing just cuz that's the right thing to do It's not because it's expedient not because you fear the consequences. Here's another one, right? like the the man who Doesn't rob a bank because they're afraid of going to jail That's not a good person. That's just a coward, right? They're just scared of going to jail The man who doesn't rob a bank because oh, that's the wrong thing to do Like you ever play that game like what would you do if you could never get caught, right? It's like, you know, do you do the right thing because it's the right thing or because you're afraid Of you know getting caught or the negative consequences big difference. Well, this this actually this one Reminds me actually a story about you Sal. Um in this business. There was a time. Um, I was probably three or four years ago and um, we were talking about The business and just how things have unfolded and um, you know, many times we talk we say how it's been so Serendipitous how that unfolded in the business And there's been many times where uh, there's an opportunity for us to make more money in this direction or that direction And I remember you saying Sal that you know, one of the things I know for sure is every time We do the right thing We've been rewarded in the business Even if it's not the the most financially beneficial or the one that we would like to do the most When it's the right thing to do we were always rewarded within the business and Sometimes that can be deceiving because you think okay Well part of the the the goal of a business is to scale and to make more money And so this option over here seems like This would be more money But if our integrity says, uh, I don't feel right selling this or I don't feel right Charging people for this then even if there is a lot of money there Maybe this isn't the right thing for us to do and I feel like we've had that conversation many times in this business And I believe that we've been rewarded and it served us By by doing the right thing And not always the most expedient or the most financially beneficial for us Because we didn't feel that it aligned with our values and our integrity and I believe that that's how this works for for people in life is there's times in life where you'll be You'll have these options and sometimes the ones that Look the most tempting or you you you would think might give you instant pleasure or gratification Is it necessarily the right thing for you to do? And so Making sure that those things align with your core values and and and having integrity around it and and doing the right thing For the sake of the right thing. Yeah, I like that. Go ahead. Justin Oh just yeah doing the right thing. It just you know, it builds It builds that pathway to a fruitful life And you know, eventually it sort of avails itself to you and it's not it's not always the easy It doesn't seem like things are always working out smoothly But it it's something that has more purpose has more You start to see You know what that all can become Later on and and we've been we've definitely been tried and tempted along the way to Adam's point. There's been You know many opportunities thrown and we've had discussions and hard discussions Even when we're tired and we don't want to travel places. I remember Sal Challenging us like we maybe we should go to that You know that appointment because we said we would and that's integrity and that's it's not easy because You know, there's plenty of other things that we could easily do To make money and keep going but it's a it's a it's a character thing. It's it's who we are And so the closer we stay true to that You know the the more of these things will present themselves later on. Yeah, you know, I've heard it presented like this I think this is a brilliant way to is that if you look at every decision you make and every potential Consequence of that decision and then all the downstream Consequences, right? It's like that. What's that saying like a butterfly flaps its wings and then across the world? You know, there's a car crash or something like this this chain of events that can happen From single decisions, right? And there's like this infinite possibility Of consequences and actions from one Decision or one action So you have to imagine that being honest and making the right decision doing the right thing Leads to a greater potential of better consequences. It's not going to guarantee everything, right? But it's gonna probably lead to a better Potential of effects and consequences and they're not always obvious sometimes in fact It seems the opposite of obvious where you're presented, you know an opportunity And you're like man, that's easy money or no one will ever find out or what's the big deal, you know And but you got to just do the right thing my mom my mom when I was a kid My mom was so honest that used to annoying me because She would refuse to like Call the school and say if I was sick in order for me to get a day off She would you know, she was so on I'll never forget one time we left the grocery store And the cashier gave her too much change. I think it was like It was like less than a dollar and we were in the car and my mom was looking at We got to go back inside. Why they gave me too much change. I'm like mom. Who cares? What's the big deal? No, we got to go back inside. She goes all the way But it was such a great example of like doing the right thing, you know, even though it's it's not expedient And of course I learned a lot from that this next one is super important It's very empowering But it feels like it's not it actually feels like it It takes away from you or It'll damage you And that's to take responsibility take personal responsibility. Now. I'm not talking about taking personal responsibility for good things That's a piece of cake, right? So, you know, oh, wow, look you deadlifted 500 pounds, you know Yeah, it's because I worked out hard now. I'm not talking about that responsibility I'm talking about taking personal responsibility For all the shit that goes wrong all the bad stuff, you know Everything in your life that isn't the way it is Find a way to take some responsibility of it, you know, whether it's because you decided To be in the room when the thing happened or you decided to not leave the partner who was Shitty to you or you decided to turn your face the other way why somebody did something wrong Or it was more obvious and you actually did something Take the responsibility because that's the first step to Becoming a better person if you don't take responsibility, then you have no control How the hell can you change or improve upon anything? And this I think is sorely lacking Uh, in today's society, sorely lacking. I love this one, too This also reminds me of the first rule of leadership And the first rule is all your fault first rule of leadership is everything is your fault and I just It's such a uh, it is a very challenging thing to I mean, it's easy to say But to really to look at every everything that goes wrong within your your business or your household or your life Even though you're being affected by outside forces and other human beings To have the ability to separate from all of those outside forces and take full ownership of You know, what role this is one of my favorite attributes about my wife Like one of the most attractive qualities About Katrina is not that we never disagree or argue or get into it is that the minute that we do Um, we have this ability to kind of separate and instantly remove the other person and to think what part of that I I don't care if it was something I totally fucked up and did wrong and was way out of line or whatever She will still pull her remove herself from that and look at what part of that situation does she own What part did I allow that to even happen to me? Even if adam did this to me or said this or I was the one with the the mistake in the in the situation She'll still look at what she oh and we and because of that The communication when we get when we get back together to have a conversation around whatever the situation may be It's always starts off with Owning what that person had to do with it and apologizing for it So even if I did something bad we separate we go different directions We get back together the way she starts the conversation is always apologizing for Her her role in it, you know where she could have been a better partner or been better to a not have allowed this to happen and so Such a valuable trait Uh to be pursuing and is that extreme ownership in everything that happens to you in in your life that you have ownership of it Yeah, and it's it's interesting because there's just so many uncontrollable factors that come your way in life um, and the one thing that you really can control Is how you decide to deal with it the decisions you make Uh, which then can affect the direction that it that you you're going to be able to steer it and um, You know most of the stress and anxiety and all these things that people are experiencing They're they're taking on too many of those uncontrollable factors Uh, and you know and that's that's overwhelming and it seems as though, you know, uh, so many things are coming You know At them and against them When in fact if if you can really kind of rein that in and just start focusing on those tangible things that you can control It's it's amazing what starts to kind of unfold and and this this sort of answer Presents itself to you. Uh, but it really takes that self-reflection and time to assess how how you personally are Are uh facing this and what you're doing As a result of that. No, it's such a good point You know, there's definitely things that'll happen in your life that you have no control over right somebody cuts you off or You lose your job because something happens with the company But but you can definitely take responsibility for how you react And where you go from there, you know, like, oh man, this terrible thing happened to me Okay, now what now it's my choice And it might not feel like it because it might feel so overwhelming But you still have that choice and it it's it's hard because Now you're responsible for your decisions And a lot of times people don't want to if they live in a shitty situation They've had bad stuff. Nobody wants to sit back and say Yeah, a lot of that is my I could have definitely acted different. It's easier to be like, oh, I had no control. This is, you know Totally not my fault But there's a role that you played even if it's just how you reacted or even if it's just you not getting out of the way Or how prepared you were or not for that situation right many times That's what that conversation looks like for myself say that an uncontrollable situation happens and it fucks me Puts me in a shitty predicament The conversation i'm having with myself is I was not prepared for the worst outcome. I should have been why avoid it or do better This is this is a shitty situation. This hurts. This is hard. This is difficult This is going to be a hell of a time the next six months for me And and part of why it's going to be such a hell of a time was because I wasn't prepared I wasn't either mentally prepared. I wasn't physically prepared I wasn't ready for something like this to potentially hit me and that's my own fault Yes, I can't control that person doing it to me. I can't control the company Dissolving like you said, but I most certainly could have been prepared for if that is to happen I have already have a plan B in place Because I was prepared for it so that when it did happen it didn't scare me It didn't hurt me that bad And that is something that you can always take ownership of of even if it's something that you can't control You can always control you being prepared for those worst outcomes And that's the learning lesson in something like that is okay. I can't control it But the next time I'm going to make sure that I'm in a situation where I'm prepared for that Totally this next one. I think is real important. I think sometime and people get this confused This next one's very important and it is very important for a man in particular because you are often The one in your family that you're the one that your wife or girlfriend the protector Yeah, looks to to be a protector and that is to be strong and dangerous now It doesn't mean I don't mean be dangerous in the sense that you're like, you know, you fly off the chain You're gonna kill people. That's not what I mean I mean, don't be weak. Okay. I mean be solid in who you are So, uh, and you don't have to necessarily be Super physically tough or be a black belt and martial arts although that helps Because it gives you more of that confidence But rather don't just don't be a weak person because weak people Bend in with the wind and with the whims of people around them. They have no they're not stable. They're not strong in their position and they get taken advantage of Because they're easy targets I have a personal experience with this as a kid, you know, I went to a junior high. It was a rough junior high wasn't great And it was lots of gangs there were lots of gangs in my schools The first time I ever got exposed to anything like this And these gangs would you know and real gangs like they a lot of them went to juvenile hall and jail later on and These guys would walk around and they would terrorize kids. Are you gotten there the way they pushed you? And there was a lot of them So they would intimidate people or they would knock the shit out of your hands or they take your food or Whatever and nobody ever said anything and I remember I was in you know, this happened to me I was in line to get water at the water fountain And one of the dudes just cuts right in front of me and I sat there for like four seconds I'm like, okay. Do I let this happen? I mean, he's got all his buddies over there Or do I not let this happen? And I thought to myself I never want I don't want to walk around With the that this guy or these people are going to think that they could do that to me And so I said something now I ended up getting jumped twice Ended up getting in a fight with this guy twice and then they left me alone They totally left me alone. Why because I was too big of a pain in the ass to bother because I was the guy That was going to bite back and that means you have to deal with that every single time And so they avoided me and nobody ever bothered me as a result of this And that's what this means is to be that like you're you're still a peaceful person You're you're calm. You're not this overly aggressive asshole but People should know that there's that threat that you're not going to just sit there and get folded in half that No, no if you push me I'm going to push you back. Well, we know that that strength you have to stand for something Stand for something or you'll fall for anything and for anything and And that's just it. It's not about you know puffing your chest up and Pushing people around No, this is just about knowing that This is this is this is my value system And when you test my value system It's not going to go easy for you Well, we weak people love to bully other weak people. Oh, yeah, I mean that's they they look for that They're not looking for someone who's gonna even if they beat you up or they won that fight It's too much work. They're not you're not looking they're not looking for somebody who's going to stand up for themselves I mean you alluded to one of the other important important parts. I think of being being strong and dangerous is Being strong and dangerous also leads to confidence and I think Confidence is is is one of the most important attributes to having these physical attributes when you are strong You're capable and you are dangerous You walk around and you carry yourself with so much more confidence And I think you're being a true alpha that you you have to have that that confidence that confidence that You're not afraid to go somewhere with your wife and kid in fear of somebody You know taking something from you or hurting them as long they're here with me I feel confident that someone's gonna have a hell of a time getting to them because they're gonna have to go through me And I think being strong and dangerous only Exemplifies your that ability to be confident and your capabilities of what you're what you can do Yeah, I think a lot of times people They confuse us too with being like big and tough and strong. No, you know, I look I know people I knew guys that were big dudes that just got pushed around pushed around by friends pushed around by other people and I I knew guys that were little little dudes that People knew like okay, like he's a nice guy. He's cool But don't try to take advantage of them or don't try to push him around because he's gonna stand his ground That's basically what it means is that you have teeth behind your lips, you know, and that that that threat Is what's important and it's people respect that but it's not being Violet and aggressive. That's the it's not that at all. It's that calm You know, I used to When I used to do jiu-jitsu there were there were MMA guys that uh that I would you know train with sometimes and I remember Going with one of my buddies to a bar and this guy was I mean he was a top middleweight contender I mean he could easily kick the crap at everybody in the bar and this drunk guy was Picking on you know trying to pick a fight with him and I remember him being super confident and standing But didn't do anything because he knew he could hurt the guy didn't do anything We went outside. Anyway, the guy took a swung at him So I swing at him and he just put him to sleep He choked him put him to sleep and put him down and didn't hurt him or anything But you know, that's that's kind of an example of you know, uh, what I'm talking about Um, this next one is also very important. We talk about this all the time in the context of health and fitness And that is to take your care of yourself Like someone you care about I think it's important to say it that way because especially if you're a dad You might know you'll know what I'm talking about You will often make better decisions for your children Because you love them you take care of them. You wouldn't hand your kid a cigarette You wouldn't make your kid eat super terribly or do things to hurt themselves or whatever Because you care about them so but yet sometimes with ourselves we treat ourselves so terribly like like we don't care About ourselves. Well, if you're going to be a provider and a protector Um, and that's part of being an alpha male You've also got to be able to if if you're going to take care of other people You have to first be able to take care of yourself So I think that's just that's a given in this situation if I'm going to be able to Take care of protect and provide for my family I damn well be able to be able to do it for myself first If I'm going to be able to go prove that I can go do it for multiple people Or in a situation where you're in leadership and you're leading a team of people I've better be able to at least take care of myself Before I think I'm going to take on the responsibility of others and taking care of them Yeah, the the healthy fit Uh version and I say healthy in the fullest sense psychologically mentally, you know financially like you're just healthy, right? That version of you Is going to best take care of the people in your life that will need you Right? So if you're if you're healthy and you're fit and you're Taking care of yourself mentally Like how much better of a partner and a father and a friend will you be? So it's very important to take care of yourself And if you're if you have a challenge with this Inject somebody into this that you actually care about So if you're like, I don't know how to do that for myself Think of someone in your life that you care about and then say What I want that person to do what I'm about to do Right now and if the answer is no Then treat yourself like you would treat, you know that person that you that you care about now the next one You know Doug wanted us to start with and you know seeing how the episode is unfolded and how things that we've talked about it makes a lot of sense because You know having core values and defining your purpose A lot of these other things kind of follow naturally, right? Like it helps make these decisions on what you know, we talked about doing the right thing What's the right? Well, what's the right thing if you don't have core values and principles, right? So having that integrity defining the things that That are important to you the the things that you value and then the purpose in your life Will then really help a lot of these other things when you're questioned with okay Well, what is the right thing or what am I supposed to do right now? If you have if you've defined what those core principles are It makes a lot of those other decisions easier then it's just about sticking to those things Which is you know, they this is something they teach you in business for Scaling a company. It's it's so important to have These core values because then the rest of your decisions that you make you can always refer back to that You know, oh, we're we have this idea. We might go this way may go that way I'm not sure one guy says this one guy says that okay Well, let's refer back to our core values of the why we started this company and what what it means to us And yeah of those two directions We're deciding which one of them aligns with our core values of most and there's our answer on the direction And that's so much like leading your life Yeah, because when you can evaluate it like that you always are able to To come back to true north to the direction that you want to go And I've always looked at it like living by a code And you know, you've seen you've seen this Examples of this with religion or you know, like stoicism or You know other other forms of being able to figure out You know what your sort of core values Are and your your morals and and things like that and and things that are you won't ever compromise And I think it's it's important to actually define those things for yourself individually. So you can now Go through that decision-making process a lot easier because if it conflicts at all There's your answer and and it's a pretty it's not easy Because a lot of times that's one of those things where it's you really want to pursue a certain direction But at least then You know, you know if you're going against your core values Yeah, if you're by you know, if you don't if you're not a principled person And you don't have these values defined for yourself you are a Prime target to be manipulated by marketers There's predators out there. Yes, you'll get you'll get manipulated by people marketing shit to you by politicians You'll get manipulated by bad people in your life You will be a piece of clay that gets molded and shaped into whatever the hell Is happening at that moment if you are not a principled Valued individual now you are principled valued individual The whole world could change around you But you are the same and this is important because the world often sometimes changes for the better Sometimes things happen and they're not necessarily the better And so you need to have those values to remain true to you know, who you are which takes us to the next one Which is to have integrity Like do what you say you're going to do which there's a there's another part to this which is to be careful With what you say you're going to do. Yeah, like don't say you're going to do something Unless you you know, you're going to do something and and this is very important because If you're that person that has that reputation Well, like like all you guys, right? I know if you guys say you're going to do something You've already with me you've built that reputation. I know you're going to do it There's no doubt in my mind. In fact It's so it's so strong that shit could go wrong And the last person that I'll think you know did something wrong or made a bad decision would be you guys because I'm like Well, no, no, that's not who Adam is or that's not who Justin is I know that person and I know they do what they say so there must be more To the story. That's who you want to be you want to be that person This is actually one of the the biggest mistakes. I see aspiring entrepreneurs like if I'm mentoring somebody and They're talking about oh, you know, I want to build something similar to Mind pump and then you know, I want to gain this following on social media And then I have this a business idea and I said the number one mistake that I see people do On social media is to put something out there and then to not follow through and execute on it It is the like absolute if you are trying to that's a business killer, man It was your back to the leadership thing, right? If you are building a following of people you and essentially are trying to lead right You're leading this this following of people however you however you draw it up And if you say something and you don't execute and you don't fall through How many people are going to continue to follow you anywhere? So be very careful of what you commit to or what you say because that your word is your bond And if you get known really quickly as the guy who says that he's going to do something and then it doesn't follow through Good luck Good luck building a business good luck having a bunch of people trust that Your product or your thing is going to have value or add value to their life because You're the guy who just says shit does it for a while then it gets hard and then you quit doing it So be careful of what you put out there what you say. I'm very cautious that we are just recording another episode and I was alluding to You know potentially even moving my training Regiment in a certain direction and I don't even want to say it publicly Because I I I don't sure yet. That's right because I know that I'm still not sure That's what I want to do and so I'm not going to just put it out there And then people go hey, I thought you said you were going to do this or you're going to do that Like I'm very careful that Um if I say I'm going to do something I'm going to do it And this and to to that point too like um, there's just something that I've tried to kind of challenge myself with in terms of being able to maintain that and For me, it's to be slow to decisions And also to be slow to anger You know those two things Have always been a better option for me than to Impulsively react And and that's something that Has gotten me and I've gotten better over the years because I used to be a lot more emotionally driven and charged And have you know made decisions based on what I felt was right but was really emotionally charged And reacted to them And later on finding out that was the wrong decision for me So to be able to be in a calm state Uh and to be able to rationally think my way through it has always been a better option. Yeah, that's such a good point because Then you then it's hard to have integrity right because if you react Strong emotionally like ah screw you guys I quit Ah, I'm pissed off right and I leave and then like five hours later. Oh man Now you got to kind of back pedal. Oh, no What the hell did I really mean that or yeah, you get mad at your kid That's it. You're grounded for a month, you know, and then you know, you know five hours later like Shit now they're going to be grounded for a month like that might have been an overreaction So it's very important what you said because it makes having integrity a lot easier Because otherwise you say shit. That's hard to hard to back up afterwards, uh, this next one is Also very important. I actually learned this quite a bit being a trainer and managing gyms And that was to be likable, uh to be humble Um and uh, you know and to to learn to follow but let's start with being likable This is important. I don't mean this in a fake way by the way You know, what's that one saying like if in to in order to If you want to attract good friends, you have to be a good friend, right? This is what I mean by by being likable It makes life a lot easier. We're social creatures And you you people who are unlikable just have a tougher time with everything and it's very unhealthy Relationships are as bad for your health as I think the last study I read It's like smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. So likable isn't necessarily agreeable by the way Agreeable just means agreeing with people because you're afraid to to rub them the wrong way or disagree with them No, no, no, you can still be strong in your principles But you could be uh polite respectful. In fact Being true to who you are is the utmost respect that's showing the other person that you respect them enough To be honest with them, but you want to be the person that people respect and like It's not a great thing to be Unliked by lots of people. I'm reading the book Good to Great Again, I've read that book so good. And this is the actual defining characteristics of what makes a level five leader Is that to be likable and to be humble And it's actually one of the it's more more rare than you would think there's a lot of great level four leaders are out there But a lot of a lot of leaders still want The accolades and to be praised for everything that they're doing And a humility is so important such an important characteristic of of being that level five leader is To be the person who's willing to lead the charge to go out there to face the fire to face the fears To be that alpha male, but then when the the praise and the accolades and the success and the Celebration from the victory comes They're the first people to look out the window instead of the mirror and say oh look at me and everything I did It's look at my incredible team and I'm so blessed to be working with these people It's actually one of the things that I also love about working with you guys is I think it's also A lot of the reason why we've had success is that I believe that you guys have all reached that level of leadership On your own and your your own pursuits of building businesses before here And it has allowed this to work that at the end of the day As as the business continues to grow and have success We're quick to give Yes, you know the credit to others or the other guys than to take that and so You know part of that You know making you this this this super alpha I think is is is having that strength to be the leader to be the one responsible But then quick to give up the credit and to be humble. I think is is is such an important trait Yeah, you're not going to get a lot of buy-in when you hold yourself up on a pedestal You need to be relatable And have vulnerability but also You know like take take take into account All the different factors that have has you know brought into your success And that's you know, everybody around you and and to be able to acknowledge that is a practice And I do Go ahead. It also it also protects you from Not being killed like Sal alluded to with the yeah, exactly talk to me talk about all the The Apes together in a group and the one who's established himself as the alpha And if he's not liked by all the rest then the minute he turns his back they're looking to overthrow I mean that's that is so much of real life like that too I mean you may be this this in this leadership position and think that you're so respected But if you're not liked and you know a lot of that comes from being humble If you're not liked people will be real quick to throw you under the bus when you're not there Whereas if you're this incredible leader you've you've taken us to all these places of success, but you're quick to give up You know all the accolades got your back. They got your back and they they don't mind They don't mind follow following you whatsoever and they're not looking to overthrow you But if you're looking for the praise and the accolades and want all the credit For the success all the time then you know be careful because they're going to be looking to overthrow you all the time Right and in the learn to follow part is very important because here's what I mean by that, right? You could be in a leadership position You could have employees that you're teaching right? It's say you're a head trainer and you you're the best trainer because you're the head trainer And you're teaching them all how to be great trainers and maybe you have a trainer that works for you that Is exceptional at uh, you know at communicating But you fail to see it because they work for you So you don't follow you're not open enough or humble enough To follow them with something that could you could learn from I have learned so much stuff from people that have been worked for me Uh that if I if I didn't if I didn't learn to do this man I wouldn't I wouldn't be nowhere near where I am today And but you this person doesn't have to be you don't have to follow them in everything But there's things you can learn from everybody And if you're not humble and think you're better than everybody or you're great You're not going to be open to learning You know that maybe this person's better at me that than I am at you know financial health or wow that person is An exceptional father Even though they're my you know, I hired them to work my front desk I'm going to follow them in that regard and learn from them This is a very important attribute by the way of really good leaders Is that they will have people under them and depending on the circumstances We'll step back and let that person lead because that's what the smart thing is to do Uh now the last one I think is probably the most important and I think it's what defines Uh a man which is to be a good father To be a good husband and to be a good friend I think these are these are probably some of the most important things That you can do in life and they're probably also the most challenging You know being a good father for example Sometimes means your kids don't like you Oftentimes it means you have to say no Oftentimes it means you have to do the thing that Isn't cool. You know all my friends are doing this. Sorry son. Sorry honey. You can't do this because I know everybody is but Here's the deal Like being a good father requires the bravery It requires the consistency It requires those principles that we were talking about and it's one of the hardest and it and it and you have to Grow up in order to do this, you know being a dad. What does that mean? It means You can't go out with your buddies whenever you want sometimes, right? It means you can't Be a kid and take your money and spend it on Stupid shit because maybe you need to save it for your kids college education or You know to to have a you know safety net because now you're taking care of other people like Being a good dad is uh is a is a responsibility very rewarding though If you're willing to to take it on it's a direct reflection of your actions too This is not uh what you say as a father and a husband and a friend, but it's what you do I think that's so important You could you could say all the things that you think are the right things to say as a father or as a husband But it's what you do that will impact those people and when I think and The father thing resonates the most with me right now because i'm obviously a new father And I think about this all the time that You know I could have all these plans of the things that I want to say and introduce my son into but The thing that's going to impact him on the the type of man that he's going to be more than anything else Are the things that I do totally as a father the things that he sees that he will either emulate or Rebuke because he doesn't want anything to be nothing like it. And so there's huge Responsibility that comes with your actions in in these positions more so than there is what you say In this position. It's about what you do because that's really what's going to reflect what kind of Child that he's going to grow a man that he's going to grow up to be later on in his life Totally. I think you know, of course being a good husband, uh is also extremely important You want to provide a stable you want to be a stable solid Partner and you want to allow your your partner To be who they are, but you also want to be that solid rock now. I know this sounds Like traditional or whatever and of course there's individual variances and people are different when you go down to the individual but generally speaking you want to have a certain level of stoicism where You know stuff's happening things are you know anxious or whatever But you want to be the solid calm one in the storm you want to provide that solid base For your family when things are happening and that's part of being a good husband When you look at what wives and women list as their top You know important attributes of the men they want to be with and again, it's different from person to person I get that so before you try to flame me with oh everybody I get that but generally speaking one of the number one things is security You know, they I want a partner that provides me with a sense Of security. What does that come from consistency? That means you're consistent like I know you're stable You're solid and you're consistent in the stuff that you say in the stuff that you do And how you react and that that's a great That's a great attribute to have as in my opinion as a you know as a husband Yeah, and it goes back to all the other characteristics we listed earlier and those all come into play Whether or not you're a good father or you're good You know husband you're a good friend All your relationships are based around a lot of the code that you've sort of set In the integrity that you have in implementing all those things And and so it's it is a direct reflection and nothing's more direct than seeing your kids behave exactly Like how you act Absolutely. Well, there you go. That's how mind pump defines being an alpha male, huh? There it is. Look if you like our information, you got to head over to mind pump free dot com And check out all of our free guides on everything from building muscle to burning body fat Improving your fitness and health even becoming a better personal trainer. It's mind pump free dot com You can also find all of us on instagram so you can find justin at mind pump justin Me at mind pump sal and adam at mind pump adam