 Prescription medication they can give you can adjust your diet. You know there's heaps of shit you can do for erectile dysfunction But we'll just talk about that after Welcome to episode number 34 on the martian Michael fully full full fully actual pod car the wise bent Yeah, I do that on purpose. I just wanted to get up. I'm straight in it. Yeah, okay, right now right now is the ninth of November and the Australian podcast awards. I don't even know. Oh, look at Matt Matt's on camera The Australian podcast awards are on right now hot. Are you guys hot? So if you want to vote for us the listeners choice We forgot to even register for all the big competitions like best comedy and best blah blah blah So all we got is a listeners choice award, which is which is it's what's you guys? Listening so if you want to vote for us go just Google Australian podcast awards and then search Marty and Michael fully actual and then vote for us if you want when's a Jew The winners are around on the 21st of November or some shit, bro Yeah, what's been what first of all what's been happening. We got some fucking cool new segments some some good shit coming on but This podcast wouldn't even be possible Wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for our website a subscription website where we post two brand new videos every week and Fuck me the website's all fixed. It's running smoothly again. We got like 120 videos on there. Did you know that? 120 vids it's unbelievable That's like fucking that's like more than Netflix for years worth Oh, we've made a lot of videos. We've heard us a lot of blood has been shed for your entertainment So if you want to support us go subscribe. It's only five dollars a month. Anyway, we've got some brand new segments this week We're gonna there's a segment called Sentences that no one has ever said before and then we're gonna do the secrets. No fucking PO box You guys are getting a bit blue. Yeah, what the fuck is that I have her sending a shit I've heard from some people. They are have sent stuff. It's just Post office, maybe someone sent drugs. This is what I've come up with. Okay, someone sent drugs and now Fucking after us They fucking we got like two kilos of coke and it's been taken oh Bosley Where is it? See they're here. Oh, there is the fuck was oh Bosley's not happy Shit the CIA's here Good boy, Bosley. Yeah, you fucking let everyone know it's not safe to come near here Yeah, boy or the fucking post office man. He's always grumpy. He might have put a ban on our fucking PO box No, I think people just haven't sent us some shit Oh People who have sent through messages saying they've sent stuff, but they've sent it to the wrong address Oh, well, that'll bloody do it too But they said they're waiting for it to get back to theirs and they're gonna resend it to our actual address Matt that gave us a bit of a scare last week Yeah, we've been just working our asses off just filming and nothing it you're too exciting except fucking Matt Made us bloody. Um, we'll go to the hospital last week. Yeah I was man Bosley it could have been I thought it had something to do with the hemorrhoid I was hoping. Yeah. God. That would have been so cool. You got hospitalized for your whole family of hemorrhoids living inside you And they're having an argument. That's what the pain was. That's what I thought initially Matthew Brown was sent to the Emergency and we came to save him Marty and Michael came to save him and then it turns out he's just been eating too many stones from kidneys Stones produced by kidneys and he's urethra. Oh, did you piss it out yet? Yeah, it's out Keep it. I need it. Hang on. So Yeah, it's not it's it was so small. I doubt I would have been able to spot it if it came out Oh, did you happen to go through those painkillers? Oh, you said you were saving it's a story to tell us So from the start no start from the middle and then cycle back to the start and then back to the back and don't finish Yeah, I haven't had a good run with the health the map around Basically what happened was I was at work and I was in the office in a meeting of all things and I just had pain in like the front part of my stomach front left and And Yeah, I went home early. I laid down and then and come the afternoon You started screaming. Yeah, it was it was so painful that yeah, I was apparently said. Yeah, it's just like childbirth It's more and it's some some saying and it's worse than childbirth a lot of that Yeah, a lot of the nurses were saying to me that yeah Well, basically what I got was a kidney stone and yeah a lot of nurses said it was it can be almost on par with childbirth And then you see you correct her and said no, this is far worse. This is worse. You fucking bitch I said get back in the kitchen. Maybe you told her to get back in the kitchen. We don't agree with that That was maybe a bit too very wrong opinion about this girls You heard it here first kidney stones are worse than childbirth according to Matt Brown But there's an interesting interesting experience is when I was in there So I got there. I was in a lot of pain. I felt like I was gonna vomit it's you just so you're in constant pain that you start to feel sick and Before before I started really like getting crippled with pain. I was a bit hungry I hadn't eaten because I was I went home and I eat chocolate chip cookies just as a snack Mmm, and then I went to hospital. So when I got there, I hadn't really eaten much except for chocolate chip cookies So and I was I was screaming you get fingered. Oh, can you wait? Oh, okay? I'm just I'm excited So basically I'm there and then you got fingered No, how it's white so I was screaming in pain and they're they're rigging my arm up for a drip to obviously put painkillers in And so as this poor nurse is doing that. I'm yelling in pain while vomiting into a bag At the same time and I'm quite a loud vomitor It pretty much yeah So that's happening and everyone in that little emergency section just staring at me because I'm the commotion Because you got your own fingers in your ass. Did you finger yourself? Let me finish And they injected me with fentanyl hmm Lucky boy when you say they you mean some dude at the hospital. Yes, and Just everyone fentanyl is quite strong. I was instantly Happy when you guys are a bit later showed up. I was on fentanyl and oh, yeah, you're big I got a few free feels and he was cool with it. Yeah, brother I have to admit. I got a good laugh when you guys came in if maybe feel feel good But yeah, I went home and then unfortunately the pain came back So if you can picture it the stone travels in sort of a zigzag I can't picture that and it gets caught my camp on the way and unfortunately mine got caught and it was causing more pain So I had to go back to the hospital Where they didn't give me fentanyl again. They just put me on just fingers medication They put you on fingers Fingered you what are the fingers in your ass to try to scrape this So I can explain this so I had a really nice nurse named Kim and a doctor. I can't quite remember her name and they She had tits. I didn't see I was in pain and They came over and they said listen you can take tablets orally or we can finger you but if they put it If they put it on you got fingers, let me fit it So but if they put it out, you know rectically are they they reckon the the painkiller goes quicker and we'll go for that Let me finish. Oh my god. This is exciting. I'm listening. So they said they said it's probably a better option to yeah Oh, that's hot. So Kim my lovely nurse spread your chicks Basically she goes all right, well, well, um, I'll give you two options I'll give you two options and she goes I can give you lubricant and you can do it yourself or Well, I just didn't think I could You got to fucking what third base And I was trying to keep the mood lights I was like there's a first time for everything I guess And um, and then the worst part was I I'm like I was still recovering from a hemorrhoid So it's still just a little bit there. Oh, yeah, did it bleed it? So and I said to her. I said to her just a warning What's the hemorrhoids on the way in now? I said to her Got to apologize. Um, I'm recovering from hemorrhoids You might see that on the way in and so I've taken my pants down and she's looked at she says Oh, yeah, I can see it. It was still there. Yeah. It was still there. Yeah She got to see it, but your best mates didn't no, unfortunately not Fucking awesome. You even let her spit you in your ass. You weren't even fucking show us God damn it. And then I'm pissed. Yeah. So she got in there and I thought and it got to the point where I didn't realize You know what where she was at and where you were you And no, she she put it in and it it's this I felt this sliding sensation come out of my ass And I thought she'd come out and I'd shout myself But did she go back in? No, it's just her fingers coming out. It just felt slimy. No blood Um, there was a little bit. Oh, that's so Oh, yeah Matt got fingered at the horse Yeah, but I've turned to her. I said I said, oh, I'm so sorry Oh, yeah No, I've turned to her and I've gone and I've gone. I'm so sorry because I literally thought I shat myself I was like, I'm so sorry and she and she goes, no, no, it's fine. It's fine. Yeah, we do this every day And I said, I said, oh my god And I said I said and she goes pull your pants up. You're all good. And I was like, oh and I said, oh And I said, oh, I'm so sorry. I thought I shat myself. Oh, sorry. I just haven't come yet. She's just You shat me back in She's giggled and walked off and at that is exact moment my girlfriend's come back in Just missed it. So she could have done it. Yeah, it's probably that would have given the option. All right He said she's got nails. So I wasn't Put it under the nail and pluck it in now But just a side note, I have been told before that People get a stronger effect of of drugs all kinds of drugs If you take it up the arse. Yeah. Yeah, we've done that before shelving, dude. It's the best. Yeah shelving It's good shelving. Yeah, you put a pinger up there. It hits you way harder. Marty has some on this days Well, I'll be reading them Matthew Brown supplied them Haven't you Matthew a oh dude, you had the best week actually like It was you were fucking playing. Oh my god. Look at me. I'm in hospital. You had the best week You had the best month. You've had a hemorrhoid for fucking ages And then you got fingered and There was blood a kidney stone and then I got fingered a kidney stone. I guess everything evens out everything evens out in a way I can't believe you cheated I wonder if you tell the gf. I wonder yeah 100% I wonder if they've ever if anyone's ever come from fingers in the arse. Well, yeah There's a plus state of that movie road trip. We're sure we're sure that's bullshit I had it's real. It's the prostrates like that. That's how nurses if you can't jizz it at like a kumbang They milk you. Yeah, they milk you basically they shove fingers in there and they like it's in My mom's a nurse. Isn't there a word for it on this day? In 1997 Owen Wilson visited his local zoo, but was mistaken for a springbok He calmly kept trying to explain that he was in fact a man But the zookeepers had already made their mind up He was tranquilized in place in the springbok enclosure He stayed there for three years But the zoo sold him to a private buyer when the springbok mating program They had him in wasn't producing any offspring after countless attempts the male ball springboks Just couldn't seem to impregnate him So they labeled Owen as a barren springbok unfit for reproduction and sold him. What the fuck is a springbok? It's like a deer similar to a deer The fucking hair flick. Oh, you get to do it, mate. It's about I want to turn to come I've gone me hair out everyone That's my personality that goes with it In 2007 it's good Kanye West was diagnosed with severe autism and the hints of cerebral palsy His doctor was paid to stay quiet about the diagnosis But changed his mind and went to the police when he saw Kanye savagely biting his own pectoral muscles off He was deemed a danger to himself and others and but paid the police to forget about it He then paid himself to forget about it. And that's why he never says anything about it Oh, that's fucked. That's that makes sense. Yeah, he definitely can definitely tell he's got some cerebral palsy His pecs are all fucked up too. Well, I think the doctor stopped him. But yeah, there could be fuck me It's hard to wear um slang thing. You got like back up here. Yeah, I've always got back up here come On this day in 1943 Bruce Willis hatched from his egg after lying dormant for several hundred years The rest of the brood were all stillborns and subsequently eaten by his mother Bruce hit full-grown manhood at the age of nine and was bored by age 11 due to the heavy amounts of testosterone and mercury in his blood His mother nests in some caves near greece where she awaits bruce's return to begin reproduction The next generation of the willis creatures The willis oh so good on this day in 2015 lindsay low hand started selling jars of her own morning Breath to blind people She claims the morning breath has many health benefits including increased immunity Increased vision and weight loss the blind people who buy from her say that they're still blind But they definitely feel like it's helping with weight loss as one jar of lindsay's morning breath will suppress your appetite for over 12 hours Next lindsay plans on turning her morning breath into a thick spreadable paste for bread and wraps. Good luck lindsay Low hand you look like a fucking mad scientist Do you want that fucking bit of hair to stay back who's got a knife in under who's got a knife your flung lang lang So you you pull that Fuck yahoo There I feel like orlendo bloom from lord of the rings. You look like him a bit I've killed more than you have grimly He's grimly that the little elf no little little dwarf. No, it's gimli. It's gimli I've killed more gimli. I've killed more ox than you have gimli You're gimli and i'm orlendo bloom What do I have an act can you say? It's crabmine from dunlin hide it's crabmine from dunlin. Hey Oh All right, that is the end of on this day Which leads us to our next segment next segment next segment next segment next segment next segment next segment next questions questions Oh Oh, wait, that's matt. That's matt brown That's what he's named this segment Just um remember to comment on the podcast on the youtube and I'll get all the questions Any spotify listeners anyone listen somewhere else go if you want us to answer one of your questions Fuck and comment on our fucking podcast youtube channel in the fucking comments and we'll fucking read it out Can I'm orlendo bloom I'm an orlendo bloom All right Basal question for the podcast from jake at buddha lullas In a zombie apocalypse. What do you think would be the first to go out of the three of us? As us three. I watched a zombie movie the other day and it was zombie land double tap Oh, it's good fun. The first one's better. I think michael would be the first to go because he'd be um He'd be doing something silly like raking the leaves from his lawn The zombie would walk past and grab him. He's too confident. His confidence will get him killed Are they slow zombies or fast? Oh, we just have to think that they're the worst kind. Oh, fuck me. Like world war z I'd be safe as hell if they were fast if they were slow. I'd and if we were all cornered I'd feed michael to them. Yeah, you'd fucking throw me. I can't throw you Yeah, kick him in the knee cap. I love have you seen dawn of the dead where they hide in the mall That's a brilliant film. That is 28 days later. It's probably my favorite zombie film. They're scary Yeah, although world war z seems the most unsurvivable ones zombies are so shit when they're slow I never got what's that fucking movie that walking dead walking dead. They're literally fucking walking There's nothing There's nothing scary about something slowly walking towards you walk away cool show though how that's like an adventure So slow if you got eaten by one of them, you're a fucking dickhead. You're a fucking dumb bitch Oh Wow Sorry, it's okay. But world war z scenario would be definitely the most fucked Sorry, yeah, that's got Brad Pitt in it. Yeah, I can't remember that 28 days later. Not fun either. Oh god And 28 weeks later. I'm sorry It's all right, dude rumors of a third one 28 months later. No, there's no. Yes. There is. Yes, there is They just they just they've just never brought it out Next question, sorry Um question for the podcast from holes up hopes Um marty, are you able to do a vid on how to teach german? No, I wouldn't know you just fucking you say it you just spit gibberish you speak german So you're saying that's my nickname in german that's more that's my mother's fucking pet name for me count That's how fucked that language is you fucking can't no no no no one ever taught me. I just had it. So just have it just there Next question is from one of our regulars nicky. I cannot pronounce the last time because I'll butcher it. Um Question for the podcast What do you guys what do you think your relationship is like between you two? Is it a close friendship? Is it a brother? Scenario, is it a real bromance? Hmm It goes in waves, yeah, I agree it comes in goes in ways sometimes we're boyfriend Oh No, I don't know. Yeah, just I guess we just fucking know each other for ages and we just love each other So it's like a brother almost. Yeah. Yeah, but I guess all three in ways Yeah, I didn't work bromance friendship. What was the other one? Uh bromance so bromance and bro brothers or bromance brothers. Oh, this is just like very similar They're all the same a bit lovable You two have had sex question for the podcast from sabrina Um, if the view if the universe had an end, what do you think it would look like cows? Oh, I've got that fucking eyelash I can't fucking knew we got another 10 minutes of the podcast these can't talk nice fucking all lashes come Get on with the block. Who makes question So this question is more regards to your your social media mates. Um, do you know if shammy is half indian? Uh, I think so. I think he's got indian and something else in it. Yeah, fiji I think his mom's completely Australian and his dad's like indian fijian or something. That's what I think so, yeah And the other question is um, do you know who christen's dad is? Yeah, uh, mr. Hanby exactly lives in jersey. Yeah. All right next question Um, this is a good one. Would you guys have a streak again? Maybe the tennis question mom. I'm not the tennis here It'll have to be an event where there's like everyone's fucking ratting this fucking neurons piss in the crowd count Do you reckon should we do state of origin? all right I'm in you've convinced us matt. Oh, I can't believe you've done this Next question Um, oh, this is more of a more hypothesis wisdom, but I do agree with what he said Um, so it came from rob group doubted Whoever gave you death threats really needs to start living their life and stop being such a loser Can you pass this wisdom on to your fans? I thought you could comment on the thought of death threats coming through to you. Oh, they're fucking used to them now Oh, yeah, I've yeah, keep them coming. Yeah, it's entertaining. What are you fucking gold ball? Oh Next question from whoa, um Another streaking question, but how much would it cost for you guys to do it again next year at the grand final next year? 1500 mcg be harder All right, gonna be easier Let's why don't we do a video where's it harder to streak at in at the gabber or the fucking mcg can't That's shaking his head in disgust Ah No, you fucking look so ridiculous. This is gonna get so hot in summer in the summer. I'm all slimy already. Yeah Yeah, oh, dude. I've got a fan. We'll have to get fans behind the lights No, because it the sounds of the frequencies Make well done Michael next question It's from Joseph Gallagher. Um, are you boys still trying to stay healthy and how is it going? Yeah, after the um, because leading up to the afl stunt, I didn't really eat much I think for three days I like three small meals just because I had no appetite And then after I went on a bit of a instead of a an alcohol And drug bender, which is normally what happens after a victorious video like that I just turned to shit food for a while for like a good 10 days. I was just eating real shit food But yeah back on the health wagon. That's fucking gull brother. It's pretty easy My broken ribs healed. So we've been gymming hard. We're gonna box It's been going well. You've been to the hospital Yeah for you and for your good boy. Yeah. Yeah. Did you get finger? No fucking hell You should have asked for it. Oh, check my prostate shout out to the nurses and doctors. They're all legends Yeah, come to whoo. They don't get enough credit Our last question is from Dude Last question is from clark s um clark pepsi or coke Coke drinking along pepsi. This tastes the same to me as long as it's got real sugary and I don't give a sh I don't give a shit. No, keep the bottle as long as it's got real sugar I can't do diet. There's coke zero and shit and the pepsi max tastes You've got to stop drinking soft drinks. Yeah So, yeah, there's still a little bit of remnants from a week of bad There was rumors that the the um cast of friends was getting back to go The the the flavors are bad. You know how there's in oh, yeah, the sweetness the sweetness But there's actually some new studies. But now the saying it is might not be all bad. Yeah, but who knows, you know I could change your mind again soon. Alex Jones will sort that out And that's it for questions Keep those fucking questions coming in everyone that is outstanding Bravo. All right, the next segment. It's a fucking ripping dog shit Could you shut my fucking name? All right for this segment it has of course been renamed That was so fucking disgusting and this is a segment where we attempt to say Sentences that no human being has ever said in the history of humans. That was one of them Those weren't words. Oh, they probably were in Spanish or some shit Let's have them Spanish speak isn't it? All right, it's a bit of a weird one this one so let's give you guys some examples So it's just a sentence that you think no one has ever said before you can't picture a scenario You can't picture a scenario where anyone under any circumstances would say something like this You guys have sent some in send some in if you can think of something Would you like to start with some of the fan ones? Would you like to start with some of the fan ones? Yeah, nervous new segment I hope it goes well everyone here. We've got fingers. Oh, I hate timid Marty fingers across Okay, this one is from Luke Farthing Farthing I'm really glad I fingered that baby's nostril so that cunt Smurf could get her money and leave me alone Okay, not bad. Yeah, surely no one's ever said that before Curtis Ramon Did you bring the turtle come for the spaghetti brownies? Okay. Yep. I can see how that probably has never been said before Lopzi Kovikiv Her kitty was eaten by the interrogators erogenous Gooch her kitty Her kitty was eaten by the interrogators erogenous Gooch Yeah, well, I guess no one probably this is groundbreaking No one's ever said this shit before these sentences have these Words have never changed everything these words have never been put together in this order Can you think of a scenario where someone might have said that Matthew Brown? No, you can't Next question Next sentence next sentence from Maria trickily I hate sex Marty sucks dick. I'm so awesome that I wet myself a triangle is a square I'm better than myself. There's definitely some of those that have been Triangle is a square. I think we've said that many times and it's correct. Yeah, well, you know with some adjusting of the formulas don't forget that I hate sex. I'm sure some people have said that before rape victims Matt Matt you yeah, you've had sex and got fingered. Marty sucks dick. That's definitely been said before but I haven't obviously Um, I'm so awesome that I wet myself. That's yeah, I've said that used to be michael's motto That used to be his motto back in primary school. No in post 18 post 18 And I'm better than myself. I've people have said that before too. I'm sure All right, next sentence is from Andres leckich I smoke cables while jumping over a wall made out of carpets. I smoke cables I've said that on mushrooms once. I think you I remember you saying that said I've smoked cables Yeah, I seriously have well. He has smoked cables like the wire We really need a really hot flame, but you can do it. I don't know tom trail This is his attempt at a sentence that has never ever been said before My pet frog Licks my balls under the table in my room while my hamster going doggie on my frog star. I don't know what a frog's been said Yeah, that's been said. I remember you saying that to your mum No, it's been said. So that's definitely been said cloudy martin michael's videos aren't funny I'm sure it's been said. That's definitely been said Um, all right, let's let's go to our own sentences now after after that We'll go one for one. Yeah, okay. I like that That horse is my biological brother your honor That's good. Surely no one's ever said that before not to or maybe like in a drama Like a fucking sketch, but not in an actual court Yeah Get off my stonem and kiss me That's definitely been said no way. No one's been on someone's sternum and then they wanted a kiss after 100% Um There's fence in my stool Unless you've eaten fence that's good. I'm definitely that's my next health problem I want to become come and run Do you come come and run? I think a rapper has wrapped up. Yeah, I know that's what I was scared of with the rhyming The beak growing on my back is infected your honor A beak I'm thumb-freaking this rusty bitch's snatch while my bum gets filled with gluten in the back stairs cabinet leaders home Yeah, that's definitely a new one Past the sand against my will your honor Oh Past the sand. Yeah, I'm picturing the judge has a jar of sand and it's the Defendant's sand and he's asking for it never happens. It's never my will. Yeah, exactly He's asking for it against his will making it his will. You understand. It's a confliction already He can't do that the action itself and the words are conflicting the headbutting right now You can't say that you can't do it. It hasn't been done before It's groundbreaking They're fucking it It's groundbreaking segment We're changing the fucking world right now This shit's never been said before Oh, we fucking fix starvation. You look like the villain of 101 Dalmatian. I feel like I'm on home and away Running down the beach Oh All right, so that's that's the end of that segment Let us know what you thought of it and um, if it's shit, we obviously won't continue But I feel like there's something there there's potential there's something there hidden at the bottom of it Anyway, dms your sentences that have probably never been said before Here's anyway Enough of that. Hey, do you know, do you know what everyone let's take a second and just sit back and relax Because it's secrets time If there's a tail tell the tail secrets tail secrets tail the secrets Oh And that's the segment name change. That's just my house, bro All right, now we're gonna read out some secrets that you fucking sick twisted dogs have sent in some of these I don't know if they're real or not like we can't tell if you guys are lying But fucking hell if these are true This could be some serious jail time for you guys. You guys really trust us not to say anything to the popo pause should we um do a We don't condone any of the actions of the people All right first secret is from All right 17 years old sleeping with my summer camp boss who was 24 and also a teacher She was she was also a counselor when I was a camper when I was 12 She used to have us all over to drink underage And everyone would sleep in one room until I snuck away every night Holy fuck my brother walked in on us because he came in early after he tried to get with her for three years And she said he was too young. I'm three years younger than he is ha ha. I have secrets and stories for days Wow, that same chick married one of my brother's best friends lol. Jesus. Whoa There are some incestual communities in australia. That's for shizzle man. There's like that's fucking dude That Nick little brother. What is it with teachers and sleeping with that? Man, it must happen all the time Yeah, it must be much more than than people find out about hopefully. Oh just a side note on that comment hopefully apparently like the like Investigations into this sort of stuff that is just into the hundreds In australia and there would be just it's so ongoing. I see teachers breastfeeding year 7ers Was there any teachers in your school that was fucking the kids? I heard rumors like because we had a There was a pretty successful rugby team. Maybe two years above me. Maybe ben hannan's age group I remember he was there and um There was rumors that two of the teachers slept with a group of like the football players, but that's all I ever heard But that was all How the fuck does that happen? I don't know. I really don't know. I'd love if you were the teacher Wouldn't you be scared like of all the kids and then it gets you're gone You lose your job you go to jail bam life is over. If anyone has a story about teachers Makes you makes you really wonder though like they they risk so much so much for just one fuck with a kid I think it must be pretty exceptional The little adrenaline rush are doing something that they're not so naughty. It's more than that it ruins your life So one time I made a fake snapchat account using my teacher's husband's name I added her and thinking it was her husband sent me a nude photo of herself The photo showed her boobs cooch and face I shaved the photo. Sorry saved the photo Deleted the account and shared her nude photo of her with several of my friends Who then shared them with their friends until the whole school including her fucking son got a hold of it She took a month off from school during this time for personal reasons again another teacher female teacher Man, it's like fucking there's like a yeah, but she didn't mean to do that She thought it was her husband. Yeah kids. We're uncovering an epidemic. All right. See this there's got to be something I guess it's not I guess her teacher is always responsible and I do agree that but like kids are just as fucking evil Well, he yeah, like that's fucking that's pretty crazy to fucking Yeah, you got to be pretty sick to that All right, this one we would hang out there smoking weed and whatnot whilst my mate was house sitting one evening My mate explained that he had to face down a photo of the owner's wife in the bedroom Because she was so ugly that it was putting him off when he was fucking his girlfriend He became a bit of a running joke and over the next couple of weeks All the photos of his wife got turned or faced down by one of us or one of One of our friends. Anyway, my homie Tied the house before they got back, but he forgot about the photos Then neighbors never spoke to him or my family again My mate's dad is a stubborn old sod So he never bothered asking why he just started cursing out the neighbor like he'd done something wrong And the families ended up never speaking again and only me and my mate know why One time at band camp me and a friend were spit roasting a chick She was getting smashed up the dirty balloon knot There was there was an accident involving poo me being the good friend I am didn't know to fire said friend of the incident I just calmly left the room and shouted I came back into the room and turned the light on and there Was shit everywhere. He even managed to get it on his face Didn't even break stroke when he realized what had happened. He just kept going about his business like the hero We all knew he was It literally now conna knows who this person is So conny do what you want with that information? I'm not going to judge. Have we said any other names? No I used to work at a funeral home and used to take pics of the dead milfs nude and masturbate to them later Fuck off can't Fuck off can't that's free. That is fucking Remember that scene i'm going i'm enjoying this one remember that scene in bad boys two whether that see that is naughty as fuck That's so wrong sexy. Imagine looking over your dead corpse as a soul and going wow Everyone bad boys do the dead chick with fake tips. I don't think i've seen it. Oh No, I can't I can't remember it's super bad bad boys two Oh secrets time here in the united states There used to be something called the knockout game Where you and your friends would sneak up on someone in public and punch them as hard as you can in the face and run away So one night me and two friends played the cheeky little game We hit four people knocking two out cold the next day We find out one of them had died and since there was no one around and no cctv We never got caught. Fuck me. That is some fucked shit, brother We do not condone king hitting strangers by the way. That's intense if that's real We would feel so guilty for the rest of your life. That's not fucking real Don't you fucking reckon ball? Yeah, like I don't know you wouldn't send that Yeah, you wouldn't risk it, you know even it but maybe who knows maybe if we could save the day and find that person's Murderer if we put a poster if you're fucked up enough to do that then you're probably fucked up enough to send that into us That's true I'm special for you Don't touch me. I'm special Biscuits Anyway, that's the secret. You look like an old jamae from fucking summer high time. I'm on home and away If home and away is watching this put me on Oh, it actually suits you long hair home and away. All right, the final segment is of course The prank call Oh, hello, my name, uh, Arnold am I uh speaking uh Arnold from where sorry, Arnold from blitzman. I a small pork farmer just moved to blitzman north blitzman Okay, what can I help with mine? What uh looking for a local butcher We have seven eight large peak Looking to sell to to butcher. So I uh, you know, I call around see who buy who buy For what price and what type of peak? Oh, you tell me, uh, you tell me who who supplied the pork at the moment, huh? Uh I like to know, you know, I like a little secret like what's your what's your name? My name Arnold fine What is it? Arnold a a r n o l d fine fine spell f e i n e Of course, so you can zero of four Yeah, zero of five Yeah zero seven Yeah five five Yeah five seven Uh north blitzman, uh, but bachaban upper bachaban Uh, no company yet. We we just move here. I come with the small small family of peaks and uh, they're laid. They're fully grown Do you have a website or anything like that? Not yet. I have my wife do that Yes, they're free range. They've only been fed premium ingredients their entire life one Sometimes I experiment with pigs and feed them different things and one of the pigs, uh, Fully grown I feed him sausage sausages beef sausages And some beef steak and his size double his size double. I think two year. It's crazy Some of the pigs so I I sell you very good price. They're very fresh All right, well, call call back after I call I call back after I come and sell you pig darling Dude call back after he's had the customer Now we do a part two if you're calling him back No, no now like he does the customer just keep calling him everywhere Oh my wife do that All right, I think all right, I'm gonna save this dog's number And I'm gonna be fucking Arnold What's his name butcher? I'll just save it as butcher and we Are going to call that guy every week Butchers up your game as well fucking no one answers their phone. We call that seven seven seven Best