 Very unusual happenings in my life. I found myself having deliverance from demons and it absolutely changed my life. I felt it inside me. It's very strange after all that life, a 24 year old kindied up in a static oven and they said right, it's your time. If you give us a soul of your firstborn child, you will have a kingdom. Hello brother. I'm absolutely fantastic. How are you today? I'm firing mate. It's my only mode. Even when I'm not firing, I'm firing. You've done enough firing in your life haven't you? Well, you know, paradise is a decision in your head mate, isn't it? You know, when we all can make that switch, I guess from what you're going to tell me during this podcast that you too have been through similarly traumatic scenes in your life. I say similarly. I've got a feeling about, I may be about to hear much worse. And that was our eventually a gateway to what I would call kind of waking up, embracing the universe, listening to what I call it mother nature, mother nature's message, spirit. Some people call it God, what it's irrelevant. But I think there's never been a time in certainly my history where this hugely misunderstood area of life needs to be understood. Anyway, I'm unconscious. I don't want to talk too much. But my point was, mate, that it's funny how trauma, isn't it, opens, eventually opens the gateway to enlightenment. It's like that. It's a bit like that, isn't it? It's like whatever you get puked through until you, you know, until something different happened in your life, which certainly happened to me, I went through a very unusual, very unusual happenings in my life that I found myself then having deliverance from demons. And it absolutely changed my life. I felt it inside me. And due to a very sinful life that I lived in the past that I'm not proud of at all, you know, I've been down many roads, many of them were the absolutely wrong, wrong road. But now I stand today in the grace of God, you know, none of us are perfect, none of us. You know, the Word of God, it says, not one of us is righteous, not one. Everybody's found guilty under the law of God. And when we repent and believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, we are found not guilty due to His blood and His appropriation of our forest sins. And when we walk on in that journey, should we decide to repent to those sins and walk through that journey? It's not a journey. It's an easy journey. But it's a journey of failure upon failure. Repentance standing up, looking to the cross. It takes quite a while to understand what it's all about. But during the last four or five years in my life, I've seen my own deliverance and freedom from a lot of things in this world. I've seen many people healed dramatically, physically, through the power of the Holy Spirit. And I've also seen them healed mentally, soldiers actually, who had been in battle, who had seen the most traumatic things during the healing ministry, getting healed, having certain spirits in them and strongholds in their brain because of the trauma that they had been through due to being in Afghanistan and Iraq. The cross is there for our pain. The cross is there for our sin. The cross is there to everything under a new beginning and a new life to be born again in the spirit of Jesus Christ. So go for it, mate. Take us back to the beginning. Well, I was born in 1969 in Edinburgh, at Ashley Angelade Hospital. My mum and dad separated when I was three years old. And I went to live with my grandmother when my mum for a while. I lived there and my grandmother was very close to me. And, you know, I had problems at school due to probably the break-up in my parents. And from a very young age, you know, a lot of bullying, a lot of fighting, a lot of not listening to teachers at school felt a little bit out of place. I had a bit of trauma when I was young, when my granny was being a bit, you know, I was hard to control at times. My grandma put me in my room, let me in my room. And I screamed from the bedroom, I screamed, you're not my real gran. And she opened the door in tears and said, I'm not actually your real gran. And it was a shock to me, completely another shock. I was like, you are my real gran. And it was like, you know, as a child, I wasn't secure enough really to hear that. So, mum, eight years of age, my mother got a new man in her life. His name was Terry. He came one day and he was like, come on, we're moving. My mum says, come on, we're moving. We have a new house now. You have a new dad, a stepdad, etc. And we left my grand, I mean, it was a bit of a shock to me at the time. So, I left my grand and we went to live in another house that they had. And, you know, I got excited to abuse me physically and beat me, you know, he was brought up in children's homes. And yeah, the beatings were, you know, when my mum was at work, he would beat me sometimes two or three times a day. And it was, it wasn't like your normal beatings. It was basically, it was tough, you know, it was knocking me senseless sort of things. But he got brought up in a children's home himself. And I'm quite sure, you know, by what's been going on in your channels and channels around it, what the children's, children's homes can be a breathing ground for abuse themselves. And, you know, God bless them that now I totally forgive them that what happened, you know, but to me at that time, it was tough, it hardened me up. I loved football, played a lot of football as a kid, just put my mind into sport and football. And then he was there for, say, four or five years. And I actually hated them, actually, you know, there was one time my, my mother came in, I hated them at the time, but I don't do not hate them now, you know, I forgive them now. And my mum came in one day, she says, you know, she, I went into the hall, she had no real idea what was going on. And I staggered into the hall, you know, basically completely sparkle, you know, I couldn't hardly stand up, I had like a vicious beating. And that's when she really got to grip, see what was going on with this guy, he was a bit of an animal, really. So we moved to a new area. I started to begin the martial arts very young, at 12 year old. I started the martial arts because I was getting bullied. It didn't take me long to get really good at it. I sort of threw myself into it in a very big way. And it so happened that my mum and stepfather broke up. And when they broke up, it was like one of the best days for me. I remember taking the video recorder and saying, I'm sorry, son, but this is it. And inside my heart was sort of jumping for joy. And he says, you know, son, I'm going to tell you something. Have David, you know, freedom. And it's probably the worst thing you're going to have is having the freedom when I go in a way he was sort of correct. So me and my mum were left in the house. During that time, just at the beginning before it, you know, my introduction to the house in the state was a bunch of skinheads going up the road, punching me in the mouth and letting me, you know, that was to be a gang that I was taking that lead in years, years later. Unfortunately, you know. So he left. My granny brought me up, you know, things were going seemed all right. I'm getting into the martial arts. And basically my granddad. And that broke me, you know, there was a lot of things going on in school. You know, there's a bully was bullying someone at school a lot. There was knife crime, people getting knifed and hit their bricks, you know, in that age. And even at that very young age, 12, 13 year old, someone got stabbed in my area and killed by a knife. He was about 12 or 13. His name was Remak and he lived in Edinburgh for a blessing. But, you know, my granddad, I looked up to the sky and I says, God, I hate you. I says, I absolutely hate you. I says, I'm going to fall satan. And I did. And my whole, everything stepped up. I got more into the martial arts. I took a sword, my martial arts instructor gave me a bow. I had to have been, well, supposedly, a very good student at the martial arts. And this guy went and hit my friend over the head with a brick behind. And I snapped and I went along there and I put the sword in his head, unfortunately, and nearly killed him. That's unfortunate. So my life then was in the gangs, rival interstate gangs, petrol bombs, fighting most nights of the week, different areas in Edinburgh, involved in the football, people who think it is on things like that as well. And that was my life really. And my mother, we didn't know that they stepped out and be paying the mortgage. And me and my mother later saying, we have to be out, you're getting a victim from your house. So me and my mum got thrown out in the street when I was 14. And I had to go on to be my auntie and my uncle. And there were all bikers and that around the biker gangs and things and a lot of heavy metal music. And you used to see free of my arms, leg steel and a lot of bullying and things like that are trying to anyway. And that's the area. So he grew up there for the next few years, getting in and out of trouble and things like that. Got done with another serious assault charge. And then my mum got a new house, got on her feet when I was 15, 16, and I moved in with her. And then what happened, I was walking on the, you know, that my whole life was, it was either stabbing car tires, I burnt my mother's school down, the old school, they sat on a skylight at the school and I was soaking petrol bombs in and the flames were coming up to my face. It was unbelievable. And I fell in there to be honest with you, but thank God I never. You know, so 15 year old, I'm walking up Lothian Road in Edinburgh and I passed the Royal Marines, the Royal Navy Royal Marines office to join. I had a look and I thought, do you know what, this is, this looks a bit for me and that. So I went in there at 15 year old, told them I had criminal convictions. He said, what are they for? I said, violence. He says, don't worry. He said, that's okay. Put me up in this pull up bar where I was up there doing loads of pull ups and certain things like that. And then he put me into what's called a PRC course, potential recruits course. So I go down there at 16 year old, which is far too young, I think really, you know, I was physically really fit, but mentally to me was far too young. I thought it could be there at the time, but you know, the fitness, the fitness support, you know, got down there, done the PRC, the potential recruits course, you've done it three day course. What year were you there, mate? I think it was 86, 87, 87, I think. 86, 87. Yeah, I was there 87. It was odd, wasn't it? It was, it was, but it was an experience that I would never ever, it was a great experience in my life. So I went in there and I sit down in front of the rain and she says, why do you want to join the Marines? I says to kill people. She says, see you later. Bye, you're not getting in. So I filled the PRC. He says, try again in a few months later. So I tried again the few months later. I realized that it was my attitude, went down there past the flying colors. You know, I was so fit at the time, Chris, you know, I could do a 16 year old, I could do 47 overhanded pull-ups on the back. That's not it. When I sat down with that Ren, she said, ah, potential recruit throw. Yeah, you're the one that did 19 pull-ups in the gym. Yeah, and that's amazing, isn't it? You know, that was amazing. You know, and so went down past it, all four, it was training like mad, doing a lot of running my bricks and that lot of training, press ups, you know, I was really, so I went down there and I joined troop 531. Brilliant. Joined it, flying colors, loving the first few months. And basically what happened was my great grandfather died. And they said to me, if you leave here, they said, you're just on your time, this amount of time now, if you leave here, you will be back troops. And I was like, they'll never backtreat me. I'm doing too well. He says, well, worry if you go up there and do it. So I went up there, went back to Edinburgh for the funeral, thinking they're never going to do that. And I got back and they backtripped me. And then I got pure hell. I was in, ah, they hated me. You know, I had to do some exercises again. And the training team just hated me. They were all out, you know, because obviously during the first few months in that, I was boxing, you know, you do the boxing, you do this and do that. You know, I was one of the fitter ones. And I did a bit of history of fighting and things like that. So, you know, if you could dislike to me, and then you would come in in the morning, and it wasn't either real, the whole effort to train for the training team, the first one, because this training team were absolutely brutal. They would actually get people, get them down in the ground and put them down, punch them in the face before they were going out. I didn't even think really that that sort of approach makes the best soldiers. I don't know, you were in the robberies a long time, but you know, that came along the ground, putting them in. I'm pretty sure you probably experienced or heard some of the horror stories that happened, you know. Well, that era, Brian, was post-Falklands, wasn't it? And there was a almost, I don't know how you describe it, but let's just say it's well known that that period was incredibly hard. Some troops were joining. We joined up with about 55 back then. Some troops were passing out with six original members. Yes, yes. I understand what you mean. But, you know, it was like very similar to what you're saying was what it was like. The training team I had before that was very hard, but very fair, but very encouraging. But when you, you know, what's happened when you get back to, it's not a good thing in the Marines anyway, but you know, it was very similar to what you're saying happened, you know. I was on the exercise and I hurt my ankle and it was twisted. My ankle was a bit twisted than that. And it was, oh, you've got a twisted ankle. He goes, can you carry on? And I was like, all right. Said, I've got a friend for you and he tied the brick around my neck and I had to run around with this brick. And when I was under the bivvy at night, and I was determined to finish the exercise, I was like, I wasn't going in the truck and he says, where's your brick? Where's your best friend Knox? And I said, and he caught it outside. It should be on your neck. Do you know how your bivvy is really tight? He actually tried to drop the brick in my face and I was under the bivvy and he dropped it. The bivvy was so tight, it just stopped right at my nose stress, you know. So carrying on. I was in there and I was cleaning every night. I was going back, I was made to clean up the galley, you know, the dishes, which was difficult. He put me in there and then I was cleaning the exercises, the thing where everybody's done the toilet. So it was a bit different and I understand that I have total sympathy for anybody who's damaged, but backtrooped again, dislocating shoulder, NDF troop and you know what it's like when you're in there and you go, some people treated the cards at the door, didn't they? You were meant to be back at a certain time, depends what part of your training you were going through. NDFs are all the girls, all this and all that. I'm sneaking back in there at night, not even going through the gate. First time I've done it and got in the camp in Limstin. I was there just after Prince Edward left. That's the time I was there, so whatever year that was and I got in and then the second time I've done it, I used to go into Limstin and you know meet the scale of it. I used to go into graveyard, sexual stuff again and all that and then I'm going back, I'm sneaking the camp one night and basically down, down, down, down, down. Rifle in my head, SLR, they would do the S-80s, we're just coming in then. He says, name, ranking, number, down, down and I was like PO4678, Strix, Foxtrot, McCook, Knox. He said, what are you doing? You could have been shot, blah, blah, blah. I go up to the F-troop, I'm recovering for whatever it was and you know the Beastin and the Laughin, you know, with the older group I used to be on the exercise. The training team called me frisk but it meant effin, repulsive, ignorant, Scottish pig and that's what they were told to call me that, which again is a bit nuts really, thinking back but there was two of them laughing. In the morning when I got up, there was a inspection in the F-troop. I woke up, went to my bed and took the springs at my bed, I went through and then I woke up in the morning for the inspection, went up there to get the bolt cutters because they bolt-cutted my locker. When I came down with my locker, the two of them were laughing at me across from me and then I just snapped and I smashed the two of them in with the bolt cutters after weeks and months of total dog's abuse and I really damaged the two of them and that was me then, leave or you're leaving sort of thing and so the best thing was I left. I left the Royal Marines, came out there and got involved in, unfortunately, organised crime. So the bullies won then didn't they? What I mean is, is bullies unacceptable in any circumstances, let alone in the Royal Marines. That's what happened, I snapped and I just seen Doc, you know. But I think that's a sign of trauma, isn't it? Absolutely, I mean that was the story in my life, you know I was bullied from a stepdad, I was abused physically in a very big way and you know my whole life was fighting at school and funnily enough, looking after the people who did get bullied, that's what I thought I was doing, you know and you know maybe even ended up one myself in the end. You know what it's like, you know and then you get the Royal Marines who build you up in that way, you know you're in inspection and they're coming up and saying how does it feel to be a superior being and you believe it, you know and if you get that sort of pumped in your head for a number of months, no matter if you're there for the training and you did any pass out or whether you do it's probably worse, you know you believe you're a superior being to any human being and you have this pride and arrogance where you certainly would look down in your city or whatever, you know I met a couple of the people that in the later years, I met a guy called Steve who was in my foot and he went on to being 4-5 commander and another guy who I met in prison years later, yeah you know, yeah definitely. What were these guys saying when you met them years later? Well years later when he was in Camacho group I met him in Jail actually in Monsworth years later and he'd been in the Corps for a number of years and someone done somebody, I mean a pub, when he went over to them they just grabbed his foot in a certain way that I'd never seen you know at any time. I've seen it maybe in jujitsu or something like that and he went and grabbed it and he'd done somebody's nervous system, his legs and feet just started ticking and I was like wow I thought that is so dangerous man and that's what you get taught, you're getting taught to kill people, you're getting trained to be a killer and have that installed in you where you know and you're swearing allegiance to our majesty, you know, you're swearing in there and you know the Bible says you're not swearing up on anything doesn't it really? So you are going to be changed and you know into a trained killer aren't you as you know what happens in the 40s and more so the Royal Marines, SAS parachute regiment. The guy that talks a lot or used to talk a lot about this was Ben Griffin and oh there we go, we're back. Yeah Ben Griffin just talks about the psychology behind the military machine and all the things you've mentioned. Absolutely, I mean my uncle was 27 years in the Royal High and Fusiliers, he's got a red buff mark down one side of his face, very very tough man, my grandfather was the regimental sergeant major and both then promoted to a captain of the Royal Hanfusiliers and he died in Belize of Malaria actually, so I should have joined the family regiment but do you know what? Because my mum and dad's that happened I was like this and like this I brought Marines and they probably wouldn't have liked it really but I should have joined the family regiment and you know talking a bit about the Royal Marines back then how tough it was you know they said that 300,000 people applied every year and out that 300,000 I think 1,200 got accepted for the course and out the commando course I think it was a lottery something like two or three hundred passed the year, so that was the statistics for that then. I would say to you that you know this is my opinion which we're all entitled to but the two people who really know what's going on in this world right now is the radical believer in Jesus Christ who has the faith of the Lord Jesus Christ or the saintness who are actually in charge of the Freemasons and that documentary that you were speaking about the other day that is a real wake up to a lot of people out there they should watch that if you want to know what's going on in the world that guy was chosen for sure and the evidences they're backed up on paper everything in that and that is where we're headed and people are you know they're not going to stop what's coming this has even begun yet in the word of God they say the seven year tribulation I believe we're just going into it right now and we're going to need a lot of faith and it's not our faith it's Christ's faith that's going to get us through this time tough times are coming tough times I'm telling you you have a look outside well that's since last year since the polls went up this came in something radical was changing people are living in a lot of fear and I tell you what it's nothing to do with religion it's about the faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and the only way you really get is by reading the Word of God so Brian you asked to leave or you I'm not your kind of member services no longer required I think we called it from from the Marines that's correct what what affected that avenue well it threw me out of the world with a worse attitude than I ever had really you know because it drummed a superior or authority and a pride into me even that short time I was there you know and I got out of there and when I left there I ended up back in Edinburgh and I got involved in organised crime selling drugs how does someone get involved in in that well um well it was friends that my mother used to know from my youth um that used to be quite organized crime and things like that and um employed me to pick up to do debt collection for money and also um drug courier in between Edinburgh and London which I've done for a number of months and I used to go down to London I used to love the high life met people like Nigel Benn who was just about to challenge for the world title with his manager Ambrose Mendy his name was um used to go down to a jeweler's in Ilford and get him kilos of hashish and cocaine to take back up to Edinburgh used to go into the hippodrome and show off you know with the money at a very young age getting on the train came back from Edinburgh sometimes I would throw the drugs at the window sometimes I would get off at a certain station and get a pick up and um one time a few months into it um I got caught I got off the train one day um something happened the the guy who was organising it all someone failed to turn up somewhere so he had to do it himself he was getting followed by the drug squad I went up into his van jumped in the van meant a mile and a half two miles down the road at the Royal Circus in Edinburgh and then all we knew is he said we're getting followed two cars came up behind two over two the Sweeney jammed the car in drug squad we actually thought it was a hit on us and then drug squad jumped at the car they jumped in their car the baseball bats came out the window came in arrested done cocaine on me only that time did you know any of the the Essex boys then no because they were they were Nigel Benz bounces at one point from from videos I've seen on YouTube possibly could possibly could have been all that sort of circle was involved with the same sort of network really so off to prison I went you know I was my first defence I was told if I would have stuck stuck the guy in you I got it off that I would have walked but I was they doing that you know I was too proud and it was the time for me to do my time in the jail and then he says if you put his name and to do his work charged as me a guy from Edinburgh and they said if you put him in you will get off and walk I said no way I'm not doing that and they the barrister was so my barrister was so annoyed that I wouldn't do it I sacked him and then I was at the mercy of the judge who gave me three and a half years in prison first defence first adult offence were you sniffing a lot yourself Brian not really no I wasn't at that time I was fit I done a little bit but not so much really during it was a good time it was a good thing I got the prison because during the eight months prior to me being at the Royal Marines I was getting in a lot of fights I loved violence I was very cold and see myself I'm not just enjoying what I was doing I was loving what I was doing you know I thought this is the path I'm on you know and getting this name for myself around the city and things like that um basically getting known for violence and you know just doing some crazy things like three people in a pub and asking them all outside for a fight at the same time I would sometimes put my head on the ground say come and kick me then and you know I don't know how they never done it or whatever I used to get up and I used to attack three people and win the fight and you know I was really just quite a seriously hot individual I was extremely extremely damaged and this is what I actually inside of I wanted to be very sincere yet I actually wanted to die probably in a lot of ways I was quite dead inside you know yeah well when you look at some of the stunts we get up to over the years it does look like we've got a death wish doesn't it well I certainly had one of them most in my life that's for sure was that was alcohol a big feature then it you know I was fit yeah I was very fit I did get drunk but I was always in the gym I was at a stage in my life where I was extremely fit I knew I had to be fit to do what I was doing you know I had to be that level above you know about other people strength and fitness wise so I went into prison and I looked in there and I thought do you know what I thought this is good I thought this doesn't bother me I was like if I can be in the Royal Marines and this was a lot harder than in here and compared to being in there it was like I'm not mean it sounded good but a lot of the people in jail were like at the time what we would have called muppets really you know and while I was in prison I was involved in a lot of prison fights can you give us an idea of some just because I know people at home listening won't many of many of them won't have been in a prison fight Brian and they might be quite interested to know how do how do these things manifest well prison is a little like a jungle in itself you know and you you know you have to be the strongest to survive and people want to make a name for themselves and I would find you know I knew a lot of the the the the Hibs people soccer yeah hooligans and that who were quite vicious you know at the time and just anybody would be in the prison for example one time I was in bed and someone was pouring pee at the window and I was in the cell below them and I could feel it started to come in and hit me in the face so I would go up the stairs and I went in the cell as soon as it got opened up and Adam I was quite viciously attacked him for that you know that's just one instance of many others jail riots you know I've been in jail riots where you know maybe a pedophile came in the hall and maybe the whole hall would attack him suddenly they'd find it who he was there'd be maybe 150 guys in this hall and you suddenly get every metal metal every metal thing getting flung attacked prison officers would have to come in and extract them from the area then the whole hall would sit in and say we're not going anywhere we're sitting in we're controlling the environment then they would come in with the the shoes and everything and we knew as prisoners how far to push that in some ways and then we would be escorted back to the cell you know I see myself getting solitude confinement sometimes for behaviour issues normally fighting you know we you know it could be anything random we're even you're having a shave in the morning and someone would look at you the wrong way and you knew that if you gave him an inch on you everybody would know that that was your area so you know I would some bust one in the jaw break his jaw perhaps and someone like that getting in a fight so many and again I'm not proud of it now you know my heart's changed now for who I used to be you know and so I want the three and a half years got moved from Socton Prison which was a prison in Edinburgh got moved to it was called Polemont which was a young offenders institution that was full of children from different areas Glasgow Edinburgh, Dumfries, Dundee and you would find that the Glas regions would stick together the Edinburgh would stick together and there would be a bit of rivalry a lot of people in warfare and Glasgow people in Edinburgh people fighting in the prison due to the area they came from I put in prison and I was aware that there was a few Edinburgh guys that were on protection and I certainly said to them get out for you we're not doing that you know and I had a few fights in prison with a few people from Glasgow then found myself around the back of the back of the prison at one time where someone offered me a fight and I was like no problem let's go because I used my hands a little in the days because I was a good fighter you know I used my hands and I went right let's go square go around the back went around the back of the prison I've got my hands he's pulled out a dumbbell bar on me probably to hit me I got the dumbbell bar off him and then we had a fight a long fight for 15-20 minutes where I'm up and down his face was a complete mess and my hands were a mess you know I had a few marks on my face but it was a real fight you know 15 minute fight is a is a long fight you'll you'll know that yourself and the prison officers thought I'd use the bar on his face so they thought I used the bar on him which I never did he used the bar on me that was one instance a fight that happened so I got put in solitary confinement for a while then there was another time where now the Edinburgh guys are having war with the Glasgow guys in prison and it's now getting heated up you know it's getting intense rivalry and things going on and someone again and the dining hall some incident that happened I've said to him you know what are you doing I've asked him for a fight he's wanted to fight me immature baby stuff really I've went into the to the the male laundry room and then I fought with this guy I've ended up on top of him you know he's wanted to fight me started off I'm punching him in the face and beating him I've got an iron in my hand and I put it over his face and I was about to put the iron steam right in his face the whole iron something in me said stop it you're really going to get more time or whatever I put it to the side and I said you're a coward you're an idiot I got up went back to my dormitory no my dormitory to myself in a block and it was recreation time and the door got opened up I'll never forget the door got opened up when the door got opened up I was lying on my bed half asleep he ran in and he slashed my face with a razor blade and a toothbrush and it was real it was quite bad at the time so I put this thing in my face I went to the mirror and looked and I burst into laughter I don't know why but I burst into laughter and I don't know if it was a shock or whatever it was but my two cousins were in the same prison remember this is a young offenders institution so Dave came in and he says I'm going to cut his eyes out I know where he is I'm taking this cut and I'm going to go over his eyes he's went up to get him and then he's came back saying he wanted to apologize to me you can understand it's like children are he's came in there he's got in the cell I don't know how I've managed to grab him and he said off the walls and whatever it is he's managed to get out my door I've run into the prison hall the obviously the blood's gone everywhere I'm pounding this guy I've actually said on the on the railings and things like that and then basically the prison officers have came and split us up and then that was it I'm put into I'm taking the hospital put into solitary he's put into solitary up to see the governor in the morning the governor asked me who'd done it it was quite senior done it I wouldn't say you'd done it I never told them even though you could see who it was I had to use my mouth say that you're the he done that and in prison you can't do that you know so I said I've never seen you've done it he got in there he got sent to another prison I tried to get sent to another prison and then the prison officer said to me the prison governor said you will spend every single day of your sentence in this prison you're not leaving it and I really wanted to leave it you know I wanted a exchange to a harder even more serious prison but he wouldn't aware that really so I served the rest of my time in there in the mechanics also which I didn't enjoy because I never enjoyed getting my hands covered in the oil and there was a time also when I was in there when like this gang warfare was going on and these people can't be horrible you know bullies and there was a guy called I'm not going to mention his name but he was from south the south of Scotland Dumfries and he was continually getting harassed and bullied you know in a dimension that you would never believe and he was at the breaking point you know he was sitting beside me in the mechanics and what they did to him one day he was a bit asleep and the when he was under a car to put petrol on his trousers and during a break he sat like to his trousers managed to get out and he says I'm snacking he says what do I do Brian and after I'm down in system he says what you do and says when he's next under that car you go and get the biggest spanner you can pull him out and smash his head right in there that's what you do and then the shot was that he'd done it he'd done it he went over there he pulled them out or he waited when I'm coming from under the car 79 10 times spent his head and that was him gone more more more more prison time more prison time you know so they knew what was going on I was in prison and I was getting drugs delivered into the prison the prison officers knew it he hated me I never handled the drugs I used to get them through the tampax machines and I used to do the drugs in the prison and do the drugs and get the drink in there and do all that sort of stuff they knew it he was coming turn over my prison cell most days and he would say to me the prison officer said to me that was in charge he said to you he said you're going to end up doing a life sentence I know it by what you're like so that was it I've done my time and I've got out of jail and let me tell you something getting out of prison is the best feeling in the world for any man and I'm saying that I wouldn't advise anybody to go and get there and do it I do these things that I regret regrettably done in my past but in the feeling when you do when you are free and you've been in there is a phenomenal feeling but you know what was it it was an education on getting more violent getting more cold being around different people and actually young men who were all on the wrong road really who never had any education in there or nothing about rehabilitation at all nothing at all you see you know the what use is prison if obviously there's a punishment level to prison but tell me where is the rehabilitation you know and most prisoners come from a single parent background are an abused background so they're damaged anyway and then they're in there well we don't we don't live under a system of light do we we live under a system of of dark I'm trying to avoid religious terms here mate but yeah we it the powers that control us they're not interested in kindness love empathy understanding because if everybody practiced that they wouldn't be able to control us so prison isn't for what it should be which is rehabilitation reform education love giving these damaged young men that which society is stolen from them in terms of abuse and violence and suffering yes I'm not I'm not obviously not saying here folks you should just be able to go out and do what the hell you want to another individual and there's no no recompense I'm just saying that the way that it is at a minute it's not about building a better society it's about creating increasing the hatred and increasing division because some people that control us look they just love that they absolutely love it I would absolutely agree with you you know I think a lot of people are in agreeance whether they're in the new age or believers or whatever that you know they know about satanism and the new they know that Luciferianism and the demonic is out there you know that's just part of life for you I think everybody's aware of that it's in David Ikes boots it's in different literature it's in the gospel as well well we we need to be honest here and we'll get straight back to your story but satanism is the fastest growing religion in the world at this moment in in in time yes you know let let let's just say it how it is if you've only got to put something on like the Brit Awards and it's just in in your face that they're the programming that they're personally I do wonder how much of it is just another control mechanism or another mechanism that the powers that the the use yeah they're actually openly um at the Oscars one of the actors says thank you thank you satan for this but that's the way it is you know we we we move we uh you know as as we'll see through time this is all going to be more and more and more that's all I'll say about that we will you will see an increase in this you will see an increase in the promotion of this in the future so let me tell you moving on I get out of the prison and I'm hell bent to get into crime I'm ready I'm saying I'm taking this system right on now so I get out there I get out of the prison I immediately start that very day I got given bars a hash and I started going around and I started because I made the contacts in the prison and you now knew people in different areas of Edinburgh and because I'm a reputation or so-called reputation I could give them drugs in different locations like you know like you would get you would get an area like you see get an area like Sight Hill, Muir House, Edinburgh Central you know very similar to London but on a very smaller scale you get me yes and the house in the States you know so you would find the dealer in there you were going to supply that dealer very easiest business obviously you can do as long as you can back up what you're going to do and people aren't going to try and take off you and things like this which can be part of the the drug the drug the drug game but um you know that didn't happen to me obviously had a big firm behind me as well and we're a lot older so basically I would go and drop the drugs off and I practically had most of the areas covered within a 12 month period he'd be in a prison how much money was that bringing you in in those days could it be anything between about 1500 and four grand a week only hmm is it fair to say that age you and the way your mind is set up at this moment the the sort of consequences aren't really an issue you you feel justified to that you feel justified right if I didn't care at all about anything or anybody but myself at that time yeah I live the life of of um womanizing extreme womanizing probably there wasn't a time I never had four or five girlfriends at the same time where I used to go and stay and move around and that had become part of my lifestyle unfortunately thinking back you cannot change the past but you can change the future this was a lifestyle I got myself into and I'll tell you something as much in as quick as you make the money you'll buy cars you'll buy motorbikes you'll buy expensive chains Rolex watches houses the lifestyle it comes with a lifestyle traveling you start going in it's all the qualities you get used to it it becomes the normal you know that's what it becomes the normal um so I was it I was into that and then I got into uh met four like minded criminals and got into the rave promotion business where I started a company called melstrom promotions with me and three other criminals we started that with them and it was the beginning of the raves in the 80s and 90s and the ecstasy and things like that and we became very successful we were the first promoters to get enjoy in Edinburgh the band enjoy k-class the prodigy I would find myself up on the stage shouting on the stage I'm shouting for Lucifer actually I'm putting horns in my head and I'm seeing with the with the prodigy band drugs involved violence involved and then what happened was there was a big rift in the company someone wanted a bit more than they did someone was the arranging for they weren't you happy with something then came a little gun crime then came attempted murders a lot of violence and I was right in the brunt of that there was an attempt on my life to shoot me at my mother's door um it was only by the gracey god I never never got me actually um Brian do it I appreciate this is a sensitive area but do we know what key flint's issues were when he killed himself um or are we would we just be guessing perhaps well I will give you my opinion he was um he had demonic possession and a spirit of suicide and he killed himself torment he was tormented you know a lot of these people who get a lot of the at one point they become idols and they start getting up there and they love it and they get so much adulation and people love them his football players are very similar you know you look at pure Gaza probably the best player that England never produced and they're used to 100,000 people and everybody's saying you're so great you're so brilliant shouting your name it stops they've got a big hole to fill do you understand what do they do they hit the drugs they hit this the false friends are around them big big money it soon goes the depression kicks in they realize they've not really got any friends because they're hanging on us and the depression sets in and unfortunately you get so many they kill themselves yes and I'm wondering if it's you know if it's like the only way out if you if you get what I'm saying absolutely absolutely but you know I'm not going to mention that on this and I anything that I've mentioned about what I believe and you can leave it to the you can put my documentary up and they can judge it for themselves the message is in there I'll give them the story of my life they've got a choice to make after that yes it's yeah what I'm what I'm in case people are wondering what I'm saying is is redemption comes to a lot of us you know forgiveness forgiving yourself of your past embracing that the light and going forward love empathy kindness acceptance under this beautiful universe etc etc and it's a wonderful way to be it's almost like a get out of jail free card for some for some of us that have done you know things in the past we're not we're not particularly proud of let's just say that the point with the the celebrities is and of course you know there's a plethora of reasons why someone might take their own life but I'm only wondering Brian if you've signed up to a pact where there is no way out yeah you know you signed up for the adulation for the fans for the you know for the record deals for this yeah and then you suddenly find ah I I gotta like I gotta stick out this stuff they got no option but you can't take that get out of jail free card you can't seek that redemption you're not allowed to it goes against the the contract yeah I just wondered if you had any any any any any view on that because yeah I've got a view on that I get a view that they that they they plead your legends to Lucifer yeah well fire starter I mean come on you know it's in the it's in the name and you can see when he's doing the devil hard but we see it yeah we see it with many bands and things like that and a lot of people in the mainstream just when you think much of it really but you know it means a lot more than they actually think and it's a lot of music is given them mind control to a lot of people you know you you all agree with me that certain kinds of music makes you a different way you'll get like a fleet with Mac you know you know you know like a mystical feel to it you know like acdc they would have like a real aggressive feel to it really music is a source of sorcery and Lucifer who they sign him he was actually if you know a bit about it a bit some stuff was he was the worship leader of God and that's why the music is everywhere and so good yeah lucifer's a fallen angel right yeah and this is why when you see movies like I think it's Paddington and they're in a cathedral and there's an angel statue and it it just falls and most people would have no idea of the no idea at all no idea of the symbolism bit what what this movie is the message the this massive growing religion that we've talked about they know what that symbolism means also during this time where the raves and slightly before I had started because I was making a lot of money and I had a lot of pressure on me I would find myself going to trips to Jamaica extensive trips four or five six weeks and I went to a place called Negril and I was starting to bring back bits of cocaine nothing major but I had people that I would go over there when they bring this stuff back and the fingers he surgical gloves swallow it bring it back and I would sell it in Edinburgh never done it too many times but done it you know there's another thing I done and I used to love the risk they can I used to be a thrill seeker then and that was that was a behaviour pattern that was to go on through the majority of my life so this rave thing takes off attempts on my life contracts on my life obviously it comes with a bit of paranoia yeah as you could imagine yeah yeah 10th of my life as I said someone tried to shoot me and another time what happened is there's a contract on me and I was in a nightclub and there was seven or eight people in the nightclub I went to hold somebody wanted to see me at the door I went to the door the doors got locked on me I ran up the road I mean I ran up the road I had a knife on me know that I was a bad stabber or that I mean I'd used a knife when people were going to use a knife on me I'd found me doing that in the past I'd used a knife on people and I unfortunately damaged them a lot because they were going to damage me with a knife so I turned around and it went right in someone's heart and they survived they survived the knife piercing them all with their heart and I you know I was so you call it lucky or blessed or something eight or nine of them jumped on me the baseball bats I just curled up the knife was in the guy's heart my intention was to stab them all but I'm getting beaten up what comes around the corner a police car and that was unbelievably just what was the chances you know that happening so the police car comes around the corner hide up in jail they end up in jail and then I'm in there and they put me right into solitary confinement in prison and I'm next door to the Lockerbie bomber haven't I came far I'm next door to the guy that supposedly bombed Pan Am flight 103 then I start messing around I was in there for three months and that was probably one of the lowest times in my life really that was when I was most lost and I didn't want to bring in the religious thing and all that I didn't want to do it but this ex-girlfriend wrote to me and said Jesus and I thought do you know what piss off she kept writing to me I mean piss off and one day you know I was messing around with the prison officers and I would do something at the door like I had a bit hash so even though I was in solitary I got a bit hatches the guy the guy who tried to shoot me at my door some other people stabbed him in the prison eight times it's a horrible life really horrible he got stabbed in prison by someone I knew again horrible no proud of it sick really that's why it's sort of I skipped a lot of this stuff but you want me to go in it I'll go in here but for me it's no easiest but I'll do it and I'm not proud of it at all I want you to realize that I am not proud of that and what I've done it's important you get that because you know what in that prison cell I wasn't getting out I tried to stab a policeman in the arm that got busted in my house with a knife I was up for four killings a hashing attempted murder I wasn't getting out do you know what at the end of that I had some hashish and I was blown it through the door in solitary to annoy the prison officers they came in they busted me again in solitary I was a lost cause by this time I was I was I didn't care if you killed me or whether or whatever I couldn't care less at that time in my life which is very sad they came in the movement and I'm giving them verbal then the prison officers coming to the cell eight handed six handed perhaps kind of give you the exact number they come in with a big riot shields on and the the PO comes around to the front he says come on then hard man come on take us then and I'll loot and I'll thought and I was a microsecond for diving in there and I thought you know what it's mad as I am I'm not mad it can't turn the intelligence you know we've got to be a bit intelligent in life at times and that would have been a situation that I would have just got it do you get me so you could have went to the animal or whatever I was practically an animal at the time anyway but you know what I wasn't in that much nuts to be bailed in there so this girl wrote to me and I said you know what do you want you know then I ended up doing this pair as you say going to the light and I prayed to this guy Jesus and believe it or not that very day the prison door opened I got bail and I walked out prison and I could not believe it I had been not back for bail twice high court bail you do not do it you do not get on the third time I walked out and I thought this is a complete miracle man and that was it I got in prison how how did you get involved in this coven then Brian what what what's the story there because you saw that's that's that's slightly before I was in prison before I went into the prison when all this was going on this fiasco with attempts on my life I had a friend from Edinburgh it's in my documentary anyway and it's all explained in there and then she took me to this he took me to the house of his mother who told me that she would be able to get things sorted out how did you get this friend sorry I'm just trying to personally he was a he was a partner in crime okay and his mother run the brothels in Edinburgh and she used to do blown fire like you know the petrol in her mouth she used to do that she was a shall we say she was a very dark lady and if anybody wants to have a look at my documentary they'll actually see comments to people who knew me in the past and there's one for a guy called Jinxie who actually says yeah I knew the woman and I knew and though I was his best friend that he's went in so there's a confirmation there what went on and you know when I went into that coven we are obviously they're doing a lot of evil stuff you know I have a I have a knowledge you started what goes on in there but um you know it was I was there to give my soul to Lucifer I mean you think about it 13 year old I prayed out that I would follow Satan and needed God so it was very strange after all that life a 24 year old kindied up in a static coven and they said right is your time if you give us a soul of your firstborn child you will have a kingdom on this in Edinburgh in Scotland and by a kingdom it was obviously an organised crime thing and you know it took me aback I was very shocked about it you know I was sort of like I never done it I left and that was the bit that was the biggest decision I made in my life when they say the soul of your unborn child that what are they talking like you meet a partner and you and she gets pregnant or no they do do that the Luciferians do do that they do have children and give it into for its life and its soul and all that but um no this was an every other child at the time so I found it very odd you know that that that what she was asking for but something in it and just being there you know with the 13 chairs around that table the pentagram on the floor there was a feeling of evil in there that I had never felt before really there was a real darkness like an emptiness in that woman in her eyes for one I mean by God I'll tell you I was pretty bad myself but I'll tell you compared to looking in that woman and they're feeling that place was terrible and I'll tell you our husband had a he was a satanist as well and he had a very high opposition you know with a company called Caterpillar yes very much they do the trucks and that he was very high up in that so thank God that I never that I never said yeah you know who that would have changed the whole direction in my life I believe didn't they um so I'm just gonna have a look here now then they got a pyramid in their logo or am I um sorry keep talking mate well I've saw yeah okay Caterpillar what what a surprise now it's when you when you understand and your your eyes are open you'll actually realize it's actually everywhere you know it does say in the bible it's satan is the god of this world I think it means what it says but again that's for people to look for themselves should they want to go down that route so I basically got at prison I ended up going into um when I got into prisoner out of prison I went to church so you know one minute I was this crazy mad man walking up the road with meat cleavers in my pocket or whatever you know meat cleavers on two sides no hair one of the crazy hats on or whatever to be in a church and it was a massive fight shock you know and still paranoid and in like went in there and changing for that person to that person I didn't really have a clue what it was and it didn't take me along to fall away from it hardly took me any time to fall away from it actually because I didn't really you know my mind was my mind in my heart was there's twenty five years of completing other poisoning there and damage childhood damage violence crying drugs you know a lot of unforgiveness in me in my heart and my soul towards my father and everybody who ever really hurt me in my life I was cold and I was dark so I fell away and it was then I found out that um one of the girls I was saying by the name of Amanda I married her years later she got pregnant to me but I was engaged to another girl who was a Christian so I'd done the right thing in in what I thought was my eyes and I left Janet and I moved in with who I was going to marry it was Amanda who was one of a few women at that time because that's the life I lived in unfortunately I had the morals of an alley cat may want to lead me to very late in life until I found out the truth so I'm in there and I've got this situation I moved down to Amanda I get back into the security back into the drugs I start sending people to Jamaica the gods have been looking completely I'm like get on with you know um started going to Jamaica a bit more than that I was going to Jamaica I made friends with yardies spent a bit of time over there um got crazy experiences in Jamaica uh bringing cocaine and the surgical glove fingers across landing so that means selling it I'm taking means swallowing they were swallowing yeah they were did that you have any like um deaths from doing that someone very very very close to me I'm not going to mention their name nearly died yeah so for friends at home we're talking about putting um the white stuff in into balloons balloons made of in this case surgical gloves terrible thinking back it's done I can only look forward now and that's what I'm doing but um you know that person was very close to me they were in bed and I was nursing over them and that poison had to come out of their bodies and I actually got in touch with the yardies and I said you know something if he died I'll kill I would have killed you I'm coming to get you and I would have as well and the thing was the time during this time the time before that when I was over there it was a very great blessing that I couldn't go back to Jamaica I could only send other people because I actually took like it was five thousand pound or ten thousand pound or fake fifty pound notes and I got someone else on the island to cash them in the pink dodgy ones years ago so they're cashing them in I get on the cocaine smoking it so am I not drinking on this cocaine in this room for two or three days I forget I've got one dodgy 50 left I've smothered the island in the fake notes what do I do what do I do I've got to pay my barbell what do I do I'm still at my head I go and I pay the barbell with that 50 pound and I think what have I done what have I done and I'll tell you I went from the grill to Kingston airport sweating and sweating that I always be nicked but on that thing I'll tell you something that thing took off that was one of the best feelings in my life as well because I would not have fancied time in a Jamaican prison and you know I used to hang out a lot with these people over there and they were wild and they stamped something on it my personality as well they really did that rag and muffin Jamaican the way you treat women you know and all this really stamped my personality in life and I fell right into it because I liked it and you know I was going over there and I lived that lifestyle and I seen a lot of unusual things in Jamaica I seen one guy getting thrown off a cliff into the sea by the Yardies who was a heroin addict who asked them the wrong thing I was aware he's someone who is a Jamaican Yardie Robert Boltouf and his name was and they really liked the Jamaicans and the pub was called the Pickle Pirate and he blew his head off with a double barrel shotgun one of the guys it was wild it was it was like wild you could see the um it was like the histories steeped in piracy it's a hard crazy crazy place and how I tell you I got out there and how I started to deal with them in that that was a story on it someone as well because I should have been killed when I first started dealing with them I was in a nightclub we three or four guys from Edinburgh and I was there was a Yardie dancing with a white woman and I started dancing and then the Yardies this guy said he goes I kill white guys get out of the way or something and I was snapping I mean this was one of the first times I've been to Jamaica and I was snapping I mean I kill anybody deaf off when I've done that the whole place then somebody said someone wants to talk to you at the door my friends bottled it they were like what's going to happen to you but I was a bit I was a bit local at that age you know and my mind wasn't really bothered in ways and I went to the door and the guy said respect he said I've never seen a white man do that in Jamaica and that's how I met the Yardie called Robots and I started dealing the quote that was the first time I met him he says you come to my house for dinner tomorrow he says I like you man so I came and we got this bond and friendship that's how that all started off who are the Yardies then mate uh Jamaican Jamaican gangsters from Kingston in what in what sense as in like a cult as in as in like uh like we might think of a motorbike gang as in like like mafia or so mafia mafia but mafia but very rough around the edges very raw you know very um vicious and murder drugs no thought no no thought about anything you know um you just have to look at the history of Jamaica Kingston and what goes on in the streets for the Yardie gangs you know it's crazy man it's nuts shootings and and stabbings and life is very cheap there my friend and what now what's the sort of affiliation then do they have rituals do they do they have an initiation their ritual is going at the bottom level like all gang warfare going at the bottom level prove yourself as a soldier right to the top prove yourself that you're willing to do anything prove yourself that you're willing to go over there and put a hatchet in someone stab them shoot them stick the head on them bring drugs from atb just do what you're told and do it and enjoy it and then until rivalry move up the ranks between each other sometimes ends up in death feuds or whatever is itself that's the mafia really in a nutshell yeah i met two guys um um in South America i was on the piss with them one night they're freaking hilarious these boys were they were canadian they were oil rigors right so real like sort of i don't know what you call it but not rednecks but because they're canadian but you you get what i mean and um they were telling me that they'd rocked off in Jamaica they they bummed a lift on a yacht yeah because they bummed a lift on a yacht they didn't have a return airline ticket so there they were camped out one day and um oh no when it went when it when he arrived there they said someone came down to the door and went hey guys come with me i'll take you to immigration excuse the bad impression there folks but and they went okay and the guy took him straight to the cop shop knowing that because they come in on a yacht that they wouldn't have this thing right they were promptly arrested and put in a jail underneath the prison and they said it was like a cave with absolutely absolutely you know it's like you get 15 20 people stand up cold floor what i wouldn't like to be a white guy in there and i'm very blessed that i wasn't here as well they said um they said when they first down in this cave they said we're in there with thieves rapists murderers yeah you know the like the nastiest people that Jamaica asked to offer and we were we were like keeping ourselves to the back of this cave he said and then um one of them rolled a joint and they start passing this joint around a circle with he said yeah then we sort of we moved into this circle of thieves and thieves murderers and robbers basically basically to get a toke on the joint yeah when they got out the the guy uh the police chief took him to the cash point and basically like you've got to empty your cash point give us the money or else so they had no no choice to he said and then when the next saw him in town he said the guy's there hey guys how you're doing today they're like yeah just start it man leave me just fuck off you mental ed you've just robbed you just put us in prison and robbed us blind now now you're pretending you are mate well anyway they sold their they sold their airline ticket they they went and cashed once they've been seen to buy them they went and cashed it back in then they hid out then they hid out in their tent on the beach for another three weeks yeah before before they left on another boat um yeah mad mad place beautiful absolutely beautiful you know Bob Marley said there was a natural mystic in the air and i tell you there was a natural it's unbelievable the beauty of that place you know one day they took me up to the mountains and uh to the ganja fields the marijuana fields and we hiked for hours and we went up to the top and we were like wow unbelievable beautiful and it started to rain at the top of the mountain we all ran down the mountain we ran down the mountain and there was this little hut with this family with a mud floor and we went in and they let us shelter in there and it was pouring rain i'll never forget it running down there and again we ran down again down that mountain and uh this guy took us to this place where there was a cave but inside the cave was roots of a tree and Bob Marley put it on his um uprising um i think it was uprising in the cover and we sat there and we were wet and i think we smoked the joint somewhere i wasn't eating too much too really but i did and um well it was just one of the experiences you know that again you put down to life really and you know that's what i did then so moving on um what happened was i couldn't go to Jamaica because he did the incident with the 50 pound knots so i was sending other people then someone very close when he came back and they were nearly dead and i had to nurse them back this person was so close to me i'm not going to say it is no way would i do that but they all know who it is because they'll watch this now and i went out onto my motorbike and i'll always remember i had a cbr 600 supersports and when i went out to the motorbike that it had the the mileage but right at the bottom that very day when i need 600 and 66 miles i'll never forget it and i thought wow i never fought too much you know you don't as you're going through life but then i've got this little boy who's been born i've got the problem i went to the security i want to see people again and doing all that nasty stuff and then i think do you know what a shotgun could be put through my door at any time and that little boy's in here i said it's time to go be upped i got myself a lot of money and we flew over to the red demar me moved me amanda and a little boy so we went over there instantaneously i'm involved violence drugs i meet up with a murderer who's on the run he's involved in organized crime doesn't take as long before we're sending hash back to england and what is it where is it i'm not i'm not i know the name i don't know geography the red demar northern spain the red demar okay even for the criminal fraternity yeah got yeah you know even for the runaway even for them that's um ducking out but fully them spains like that fully dodgy people that fully a lot of nice people but there is a criminal element that gets to spain when they got to get out of the way for some for one reason or another um lived in spain a number in months buying on the drugs by now trainings at the window and all that everything's at the window and then i actually was on i mean i was i had a lot of it a lot of ecstasy pills thousands of them that i took over to spain i was dealing in spain and i got involved in a lot of violence in spain as well and i had like a lot of the fidonore football hooligans a couple of them a little move in with me one of them ripped me off once and i let him off he had like a tattoo he had dragging down his head one day i came in and i was drunk you know and i'll go into the details because you've asked me to do that but again i'm not proud of it at all and he ripped me off and he stole my stuff and in front of my wife i attacked him with an iron and burnt him kicked him down the stairs in his underpants and the next again two days later this is how mad i was really it was me and my wife you know i said i'm going off to go to this club where all these people are and i let myself to this club and he was sitting there his arms were all bandaged up in that and all these people hooligans were in there and i basically went to see them by myself and offered to take him on again now i was by myself to this day i scratched my head in bewilderment that he never just completely wasted bit but i just thought they must have thought i was so nuts and crazy that if he didn't he killed me he put the fear into them you see and what we're talking about is a very traumatised childhood Brian's been through right when you when you suffer that battering that extreme you then enter a life of fear while you're in fear mode and so so your natural biological mechanism is in what we call fight or flight so permanent adrenaline permanent waiting to be smack waiting for that stepfather to come in and beat the shit out of you again right you're permanently in in this hyper alert state the thing is why you're in that state you remain in your left brain your right brain doesn't develop your empathy your love your kindness your understanding because that it all that stuff ain't necessary when you're just about to get whacked all you need is your primitive you might hear it call reptilian brain is you just need to be on high alert to defend yourself and this is why you this is the link why violent violent people i don't want to say criminals but let's just say violent criminals will will go to these extreme measures that that sound terrible and awful but it's basically if you truck it trace it back it it's the extreme trauma that they've had which is then hold holding them them a prisoner so i hope that makes sense and the reason i'm saying this is i don't want brian to feel um in any way guilty by coming on my podcast we we need to say this what it is this is childhood trauma extreme childhood trauma manifest in as an adult because we haven't been allowed to traverse to graduate to our right brain the one of kindness empathy that we naturally would have done had we not been fighting this fear our whole our whole life is that making sense brian it was it was yeah it was based on fear my whole life was based on fear and i think that every major criminal that you get who has to get so much more money so much power to and it goes for many walks in life criminality is another one that this first because it does damage yourself and people but you know the insecurity really insecurity fear you know not just to step dad beating you to a pulpit getting bullied at school you're maybe a little kid and you're continually getting bullied you're in a house in a state and there's a gang that continually chase you down and beat the hide at you now these are things that really at some point someone will either go one way and that's they'll fold and they'll kill themselves or they'll snap and they'll go another way and they will say do you know what no more no more and then by saying no more they embark in that lifestyle going up and up and up down the broad road even more and more and more damaging themselves damaging others the whole thing's built on pride and ego and one more thing one more thing we need to acknowledge is which crime is something that we can control so when you've got a stepfather or whoever is like beating on you or a school teacher that's out of your control when you've got to be an adult you want to control things because you don't want that to happen to you and by embarking on a life of crime you in your brain you're controlling your outcome because you can do act A and you will get and it will result in C so you rob a bank you get a load of cash you to you that you're controlling it this guy's hurting you bang in there you smash in you are you are controlling it again Brian it's all products isn't it of this this traumatised upbringing there's a product you can be a product to your environment you know you certainly can you know if you're in an area like a housing estate where people are getting stabbed to death and there's a culturally knife crime and you know there's gangs it's difficult difficult for any child in that environment difficult for any teenager in that environment very different down the south of England me I had very different you know you go up to Glasgow or Edinburgh going to these housing estates and I'll tell you what it's a fight for survival it really is it's a fight for survival and it's hard for for children or teenagers to have a normal life in that environment and turn out as a product that's going to be constructive to society you know it really is you know I think 85% of people in prison come from a one parent family the statistics say a lot but the whole system is engineered to take out the two parent family we can see that yeah of course part again just part the agenda isn't it destroy the the nuclear family destroy the family unit create division create insecurity create fear yeah of course it's it's the writing is on the wall when you when you when you when you see it so what point mate did you did you have your can we call it an epiphany when did you start to put this life behind you let me tell you I came back from a left spin I went to the toilet and there was a load of blood I said we're leaving so I got to get my life together we then came back to a place called Eastbourne I was in Eastbourne three weeks and I was there to start again in my new life in one day I walked past the taxi but three taxi drivers and they were beating one guy up very badly I said stop man I said the guys you know you've got them now and the guy punched me in the face and then I ended up hitting him and I broke his eye massive guy six feet five six unusual weird height nobody mentioned his name and another two taxi drivers they there was evidence that they punched me first and I thought do you know what I'm not pleading guilty to this because they offered to drop the charge through GBH to someone else I said he punched me I'm not doing that and I ended up going to the high court and they found me guilty and they said you're a tough H Royal Marine the boxing experience he gave me four months I was in Eastbourne three months or something like that and when you think about all the violence I did and I usually actually get a thrill in a kick that I got away with and I got done with that so I go in prison I'm just a bit finished the sentence and the prison officer comes in he says nox you've got to go back to the judge he thinks he's been too leniently I went back to the judge and the judge said nox I've been too lenient with you I thought he was going to I thought that he was going to give me a lesser sentence do you understand but more I thought he was giving me more and he ended up giving me a £800 fine I got out of prison I've got a job as a removal man for a little while then I met a guy from Bournemouth and he was into clothing and I was hell bent on revenge for what had happened in Edinburgh I was like you know I've got a you know I was set up to kill someone I knew and all that and I went to this guy to buy a gun to buy a revolver a weapon and the guy said to me he says you know what he said there's something about you son guy who's from Bournemouth he's still a good friend to mine now 30 years later actually 25 years later very good friend of mine loyal guy and he says you know what something about you he said you've been misguided in your life he said there's something about you he says I'm going to give you a chance he said I'm not going to give you a gun I could give you one but I'm not going to give you one he says I'm going to give you five brand of credit in these clothes like certain clothes to sell yeah fake clothes designer clothes some real some not and I started working with him he says you can run away with this he says that's up to you I'm not bothered or he says you can work with me you make a lot of money do you know something I've done the right thing I worked with him for years five six years and I made good money probably a very good time in my life I had another son born I was behaving myself I was the womanizer and I was working doing the clothes I used to get into the golf great lifestyle I've got a circuity delivering clothes in Portsmouth, Plimouth, Bournemouth, North London, Eastbourne so I just used to fill up a van drop the boxes off twice a week and make three or four grand a week I was loving it very peaceful nice life one of the best times in my life but moving on you know he started you would get tobacco smuggled tobacco cigarettes as well started selling that and unfortunately I got involved in I thought do you know what I'm going to start going abroad I've got myself a little team together and we started going to Kenya we started going to Thailand we started going to to Tenerife all the time bringing cigarettes back making a lot of money as well buying them very cheap bringing them back in the gangs a couple of cases each for quite a while until click lock I get net I get caught in Heathrow got locked up can you believe it shocked well I could believe it because I'm a stupid you know I was bringing six came six suit gaities through customs of course I was going to get stopped locked me up put me in gave me a prison sentence was there a long time but they put me in Belmarsh and the terrorist unit it was terrible terrible that that four months in there was worse than any sentence I did I used to laugh but now I have a family so what I did I prayed that says you know why was it so bad mate hey why was it so bad I was in the G I was in there and there was terrorists it was just at the beginning all this happening islamist terrorists murderers rapists I was actually in there with a guy who they said killed killed dando he was in the same hall as me I actually spoke to him I think that was a setup he never had a brain to do anything really I think he was a victim that was used I think that women was probably covering up some sexual abuse in the BBC she was ready to expose it I reckon she got taken out other people might think otherwise but if you met this guy he couldn't have done anything you're lucky if you're going to walk to the bus stop normally do you understand very tough place hard prison officers on you it was a real prison it was like you know they were on you it was like they were getting control you were in control they were in control and they let you know it you know so kind of place you put your head down you get on with it really get your mouth shut my life had to change I found myself in again prayed got out of jail I did pray I said you know what God and we all do it at some time I'm telling you what if we're all over in a problem bad dark place we will call that name with God whoever it is or whoever you think it is we'll say God get me out of here or God get me out of here I prayed I said please give me a start if something new I got out had a bit of money behind me but I got a job as a removal man for my brother-in-law I was getting 65 pound a day and he used to do contracting for big corporate companies in London like Michael Gerson certain things like that up up market big companies very proper packing it was all like banks and this and that was like a normal removal company do you understand is VIP export packing and I got into it real and then his partner tried to rip him off I sorted his partner out I became a partner within about a month six weeks two months or a month so I started going straight into the removal industry learned how to do that for the first time in my life I was legitimate believe it or not Brian was legitimate I was walking I was believing I was being good started going to church and all that I was living the life and really was pretty successful with a 15 14 15 year period where I ended up with a number of companies one of them called global moving systems where I ended up a director and making the better get a good weight 20,000 pound average week seven eight five and it went from strength to strength can you just hold on one second please yeah I have something I want to show you this is the old portfolio to the company yeah yeah and it is like a high VIP level moving do you see that yeah I got you so that was it you know exemplary it was all international and I've done like company profile pictures of the men do you see me there at the bottom yeah got you and it was like it was a big company about you know happy everything over those years and I ended up like building a company that was had its own other directors me as the main one other directors operations manager sales department it was big you know and unfortunately the devil makes work for idle hands the Albanians moved into the country and then I employed a few of them and you know thinking back about I had too much money too much time on my hand as soon as I had everybody in their place I fell away I fell away from what I believed in and that was walking in the light yeah as you said walking in the light I started to walk in the darkness again one guy took me to a brothel when I ended up seeing the suger moved in with her got her a flat box they're often brightened and I was living the nasty lifestyle off behind the waist back doing what I was doing and it went down that road making far too much money I had the only fully the ego I was fully the ego you know this and that I was this and that I've done it all myself it was total rubbish I'd done it with the people who were around me that's how I got successful it was them women that made it successful but you know I was so egoistic at the time and thought it was brilliant that that's what happened fell away ended up addicted to cocaine started to traveling what was falling ecdc around the world seeing the concert sending 30 000 pound on a weekend at tickets no exaggeration no exaggeration two nights giving tickets away at the door it cost four or five grand just for the reaction on people's faces it was in new york and there was many other places around the world that unfortunately followed that ban started getting it the new age david ike his boots shamanism yoga taking the drugs thinking i'm jack the lad you know thinking i was brilliant really bought houses deterioration through the time with drugs on the cocaine on the drinking still training shooting growth hormone something that a lot of people do in hollywood keeps they call it the fountain in the youth and a lot of them are on it makes you feel like god you know keep me to keep you young in that um but tattoos all over my body spent money on a holly gave us and i was running around as a real rebel with this and i had this big company there and that and i was just a bit to come down your life free a bump really because i bought i was on this growth hormone i don't know if it tampered with my hormones or whatever it was i was never a homosexual in my life never i would have vomited drugs combination i made like a the feminine male in a bar ended up having a relationship with him never done that in my life never done that after i got the tattoos ended up getting a spa built a spa called Mahayana with him doing one business the year and um i was about to have a major fall obviously i left the wife because of what was going on i couldn't be a bmr during that i don't know if it was the hormones i was this stuff's making the last two six weeks i'm shooting like two weeks worth into my book two months worth into my body in a bit two weeks so i'm on that coke i'm training i'm getting pissed and i'm training hard as well doing the mma and all that turn it talk about burning the candle at both ends head gone really so the spa pardon sounds like rise of the foot soldier whatever you want to call it risey the biggest mistakes you do in your life so you're more like i had everything you know and uh i flushed it down the you know why i flushed it down the toilet because i love to walk in the dark i've been doing it all my life it gave me a thrill to take that risk more than anybody else do you know what it was not the way forward my family suffered now in a way you didn't know i lost a multimillion pound company i deserved it the spa went out the window i ended up selling it i spent nearly quarter a million pound on that place and i'll tell you where i ended up i ended up we had an evangelist meeting me in uh he was the name's john mosson he's wrote a book it's called was once a wicked man and he met me in that in that the place where that company that that shop won business in the year it was called mahayana strangely enough i got the mahayana tattoo tattooed on my skin before i got the shop i never knew i was getting it and it was in a shop called demon bar demon tattoo shop wait up so this happened it's correct can you explain that the why is that symbolism relevant what the what what's maria i was into the new age i was doing the yoga the drugs feel this free living liberalism and all that and i ended up getting this tattoo which was a buddha tattoo is a mahayana buddha which crossed out now with the mahayana sign and you see here this was eyes whatever possessed me that was swastikas as a buddhist peace sign i was so much in your buddhism you'll see here there's eyes on the back of the tattoos see the eye in there okay yeah and on my back my back's covered it's all in the documentary and i'll tell you something that business won business in the year and it was all new age practices it was all um tyrant cards clear cards tyrant cards health things i didn't realize how far gone i went it was like i thought i was normal and everybody else was crazy anyway cut a long story short i want to tell you something and we'll end it with this should you want to know more we can talk about some interesting things i would like to bring up with you actually but i ended up in a christian ministry in a christian ministry named the leil ministries that deals with the demonic the ministry is about people we deal the demonic in them and things happened in that place during a nine to 12 month period that changed my life and i've seen things in there believe me believe you me that changed my life in the life of other people so much and i'll tell you something it's been five years ago now know what the money i used to have know what the pride i used to have know what the heart i used to have my brain's been transformed for the first time in my life five years later to be in a normal decent memory society that's what's happened and for you to want to know how it happened you know i'll give chris my documentary and you can make up your own mind yourself so much things going on in the world right now it's an unusual time christ knows it's an unusual time you know he's alert and people as much as he can when he's podcasts you know like me he's been around the block a lot probably a lot of people on christie's channel have been around the block a lot i believe you're a lot of ex-forces probably as well as many other things is that right chris sorry mate we just got invaded by a hu a hui helicopter i think it's i think i upset oliver stone the other day um yes mate it's fascinating um it's it's perfectly fine brian can we just have an honest conversation now yeah you're a big guy i'm a big guy we've both been around the block we're not the the reason i don't go down like the god the jesus the cross i can understand that even though i i understand it or i understand it on a physical perspective a metaphysical yeah spiritual a kundalini but i i get the story of jesus right yeah but it's a few things it's it's that i don't want my life to be talking in a language that's divisive yeah right i don't join gangs we don't need to we don't need to be members of gangs or clubs or societies to feel good about ourselves right yeah and if we adopt the language of these then it's it's it's not the nirvana we're not creating i don't believe the nirvana that we were put on earth to live in yeah so uh and so i don't say god i say universe because that's to me what people mean when they say god they talk about that beautiful powerful spirit sauce what what whatever we want to call it that you cannot deny is there because yeah like we live in a universe it might be a simulation it might be a box of corn flakes we we're probably never gonna know who cares but there is it there is this thing that we're all involved in right seems to be made up of carbon molecules if you want to go smaller than those molecules then we're talking quantum quantum physics and 100 you know all gets really really clever but here's the thing yeah i believe in in a purity of understanding yeah that shies away from using divisive terminology because once we do once we do that we're buying into the agenda of the sociopaths i i understand where you're coming from okay but the thing with you and me and everybody else we're all entitled to our world view yeah you know i like this creation and it is the design yet and what it is that we see in front of us is just too advanced that there is not what i would believe a creator you'd call it the universe i would have my belief in what it is from what i read you know you look at every seeds different every plants different you know and as you seen chris it was very interesting the way we got in contact was one way that you your podcast dropped through into my into my ipad yeah it dropped into my ipad and you were discussing that x-factor winner and until our children's exposing the world's secret religion that's how you dropped into my view you know yeah i mean we can talk about that you know freemasonry is just another system like all the others that that that they control that's why the guys allowed to put a five-hour video on youtube about it is it's irrelevant to the to the real masters of this well i say masters i should say controllers um because it's just another thing that's going to divide people it's um this is what is referred to as the spiritual battle it's an invisible battle that takes place in here and it and what what takes place in there then manifests throughout the whole universe do you know something do you know do you know the way i do this i do not confirm to this world but i am regenerated by the renewing of my mind that's how i do it moving forward it's worked for me i'm regenerated by the renewing of my mind daily away from who i was to who i'm becoming more and more and it's daily getting better so that's good and um yeah so very interesting you know it's it's literally about how we are as we sit here now because that's all really what we've got isn't it it's in in the moment all the stuff that we've done in the past absolutely absolutely you know if if if certain people are going to benefit from my mistakes to realise and it's going to stop people going a certain way that it's going to be very unhealthy for their life i'm happy with that i'll put myself out on the line i'll put myself up front to say you know what this isn't the way to go there is a satanic element to the world for me i chose what i've believed in i'm not you know i'm not in any way trying to force anybody by putting in and on them that's everybody's own choice that can only happen by their own free will and that's what we got we've got our free will you know um we just have to look inside the world's changing quickly and it's changing people think it's going to get better do you know what i got bad news i don't think it is i think it's going to get worse i think there's certain things coming out this way are we that we have no idea about and um be good to get there's a lot of people prepping here prepping and getting ready and uh nobody stop it whatever it is but there is such changes to the world and the world system that that you know i can't go on about what it is or what's going on but we all can see that we are one eyes and uh wow it is certain things are coming out and they're coming out in the mainstream media that's quite mind-blowing and what was more mind-blowing than that is stuff that is coming out there about hollywood and sex kilts and satanic kilts i've got something that you can cut out of this chris but i really feel led to do it it's from a friend a bit from a guy who knows a friend of mine that's in prison and he was he was a barrister he was a special forces soldier and he he was for the last 27 years he's been exposed in satanic witch of abuse on a public level around the world and they got arrested now i just want to read this it said dear brian i'm writing to you on behalf of brother and christ and friend we're standing with him in the work he has been involved in over the past 27 years namely to expose the horror and evil sexual abuse of all kinds including sra satanic witch of abuse please do all you can to prevent a serious miscarriage of justice and to predict a very vulnerable child and so many others there today i look forward to hearing from you that's the kind of thing we're up against it's going on around the country children's homes it's going on for decades abusive children sexual exploitation and you know we're up against it i don't know the other so much is getting exposed now that never used to you know if we cannot love the children and protect children what kind of society are we anyway if we just want to some things are that horrible we didn't really want to hear it really we shut our ears off don't we to the horror you what we're hearing the issue is brian um sorry i'm just saying it as i see it but yeah as much as these individual cases of which i have no doubt there's millions worldwide right as much as they're horrific and that they tear our heart strings and that no nobody should suffer let alone let alone a child they become a window through which people project their own feelings of whatever in life uh might be inadequacy might be anger might be fear might be self-loathing might be just just general pissed-off-ness at the state of course you know that that's that's what it's meant to produce isn't it and unless we're willing to look deeper than that to look at source to look at the fundamentals then yes as much as this young person needs saving that's beyond any you know no one's going to argue that it's it's why does this keep happening why have we clearly got a whole um strata in society of of of people who are living in darkness and committing such um such uh you know such dark acts yeah and of course when we trace it back we'll find that they went through this satanic abuses as youngsters themselves and they just can continuing this this this cycle yeah and i'm not like offering an answer here but what i'm saying is i'm sure it comes down to we have to win the battle within ourselves first we have to enter that that state of pure um i i'm i'm struggling for the words because i'm not probably not like for an author i'm probably not that good at words anyway but you know we we have to work on ourselves first and if we don't these mechanisms are used by people that are way cleverer than us to just keep controlling us all no you look at you look at man and what man's capable in his heart you just have to look at house threats don't you that's what man is capable of human man is capable of something like that so you know the us as beings you know we're capable of the most horrendous things you know how did someone like that in that country happen you see well if we truly understood the events in this world Brian i can tell you now they go way darker than you the weakened than the most people can comprehend way i absolutely agree with you and i believe everything in this planet you know no matter what way you want to see it you're Kundalini way or Maui everything in this human life is guided by some spiritual force or another that's what i do believe it's fast it's all fascinating mate it's all fascinating i think it's good we have these conversations i i will keep saying no friends you need to bring it back to love love that's it love is but pure love pure love can be corrective as well it's not always going to be that it's going to be corrective love the way that if a father would with love always love his son but he'd correct them if he loved them to be some form of discipline to make him a good young positive man wouldn't know but you know we have to get that that discipline right and with love do you know how we it begins with ourselves doesn't it if we can't we need to love ourselves and we have to learn to accept ourselves and if you can accept yourself as again it's just part of this you know not not not this separate individual identity that the sociopaths have created by giving you birth certificate and giving you a Mercedes in the drive and a silly watch and they're making you think hey look if i pierce my nose i've got the house the Rolex yeah yeah all of that is magic i think you spelled out magic with a k it's to make you believe you're an individual and that you go out in this word and you did it and why because that keeps you in your left brain it it keeps you in your ego self until you can understand you're not that individual your universe um your universe and when you understand your universe and so Brian is me i'm Brian with the same thing it's just universe experiencing itself in two separate separate forms it's very clever it it it i think some of the teachings in the cabala or some of the understands the cabala go go back to this kind of thing but when you understand that then you understand the the the nonsense of one individual hurting another one because we're the same right it's like two rocks on the beach going hello mate what's your name i'm called kev all right kev well card you drive well i i i drive a Porsche it makes me like a bit of a better rock than the new if you don't mind me saying oh actually i've got a bloody Mercedes in the garage right um kev how do you do how do you like style your hair what it is our favorite skinhead because that makes me that right there are two ludicrousness that two rocks would even have that conversation is the ludicrousness of the human condition what we're all experiencing now we're all looking for some kind of identity in some way or another and throughout this world we can put on different identities that aren't quite too healthy for us this one is and i think the thing over the last four or five years i've put on something that's changed my life and it's just made me see me in a different way in the way it's had a positive effect on my behavior but please believe me not without failure there's no rules to it there's no rules there's no i have to do this i've got each other so it's not you know that i didn't have to go to church if i didn't want to it's up to me um and you know a lot of the time i don't but um it's just our individuality what we would consider through what we bring in our minds what we think is right and morally acceptable i'm not a person that i was for five years ago thank god for that um and i just hope that some goodness comes from our meeting today you know chris and uh it's really good to meet you actually it's really good to meet you you too brother you too it's been um it's been enlightening for me see brian i talk about a lot of serious stuff you know yeah i at 19 years old i i marched down the center of a of a major city in a so-called the so-called you know sophisticated world with a machine gun all right yeah it's you know one of the guys that went over there where we didn't come back yes i understand you it gets serious it in so but i don't in any way you want to be spreading fear for people yes i i love the rich tapestry of life i i like to i like to go go deep sounds like a comedy or something i'm going deep i'm going deep i like that but i would stop doing it if i thought i was if i was instilling fear in people i i want people to come in you know just i want people to step into their right brain if you want you want people to have some hope where there's not a lot of hope out there there's fear i don't even want them to have hope brian really i want them to realize that we're already there we're already in you know nirvana is it's all around us we we just need to wake up to it um and it's not until we can get ourselves into this to get ourselves an equilibrium that we can then address what's happening to others because it it starts up it starts at home i'm sure every scripture in the bible or whatever if you if you go deep it probably talks about building foundations and and this sort of stuff yeah building foundations and it says basically god is love god is light and in him there is no darkness at all and we if we if we do if we say to ourselves that we have no sin we're liars and we're calling him alive so we all sin we all sin every day a life like that you know we're human beings we're moving through our life and that's it you know we it's a very as i said it's a very unusual time in the world history right now we just have to look at the window to know it and um we're all going to see what the truth is at the end aren't they hey i'm going to finish on your mate if you've been in Jamaica bob marley isn't it every little thing is going to be all right there you go hallelujah don't worry about a thing that's it i actually spoke about things here that i've never done on any podcast ever and i've done a few you can see them on certain channels you know if anybody wants to contact me um you know they can get in touch with me at brian dot resurrection life ministries i'll email the the my contact details to chris if anybody feels that they're damaged or anything like that decides to look another way and what i do that they won't help um they're mentally damaged or you know if you just whatever really i'm there for them um it's an absolute pleasure to have met you hold to me in the future sometime if i'm over there i'm gonna get in touch with you and i'm waiting for a bit of lunch or a cup of coffee is that so i was gonna say you don't want to borrow money off me do you absolutely not do you want to borrow do you want do you want anything off me actually yeah can you lend us a tenner i can i can i can i'm saving email me your email me your details and i'll have it to you within ten minutes okay no i'm gonna put i'll put your details below the below the video it's been great brother thank you very much much love to you thanks miss i don't think you've made mistakes in the past mate i think you you you had an extreme challenges put at you at a young age this manifested in as you were trying to become a an adult you explored some avenues that weren't particularly helpful and then one day you you um can we say the universe or god or whatever gave you that ability to suddenly exactly i'll find what i'll find the light for me yeah you stopped and you self-reflected and you thought hang on a sec this ain't just about me is it this ain't just about me and and all good credit you make you know you you know you you keep doing keep doing what you're doing and to everyone at home keep doing what you're doing and remember bob marley much love to you all if you could please like and subscribe then we can have another mad rambling conversation that i hope you can just get a little bit from might be good might be bad i don't know but but at least at least we're talking see you later god bless you man you too mate