 Today we're going to talk about when a man says this or it's actually going to be several things He's about to break your heart, and I'm really sorry that this is going to happen really quickly I want to dive into something and that is Many people feel like they have a pattern of choosing Emotionally unavailable men. I hear this from women. I mean Consistently I hear this over and over and over again, and I've been thinking a lot about this from the context of that We are actually swimming in a sea of emotional dysfunctionality within human Dating mating or relating particularly with respects to emotional maturity and quite frankly Relationship skills, and this is true for men and women alike So the question is do you have a pattern of choosing emotion available men or are the odds just most likely that you're going to choose someone who Has poor relationship skills or poor emotional maturity and by the way the men are faced with this exact same thing as well This isn't singular to women's experience about men so I bring this up because I believe it's a pattern if you continually stay in an unhealthy relationship when you stay when you when you observe these signs and You continue to forge ahead You know you have this this belief like well if I just love him enough, I'll change him or if I just stick it out I'll just change him See you have to take ownership of that then yes It is a pattern but the same time when the reasons why I created my private coaching And by the way, there's a link right there the schedule of discovery call with me is to actually help you curate those questions based on your personality To determine if is someone is right from you literally from the very first phone call believe it or not you can actually Assess a lot about a person in one phone call Now what are the things that a man could say that will most likely lead to it's like For warning you that there's going to be a relationship problem I think the most common one and you already know this is when a man says I'm not looking for anything serious Okay. Well if you're not looking for serious, then the question is what are you looking for? Are you just looking for companionship? Connection sex if that's all you're looking for then you have to ask yourself before you go any deeper with this guy Is are you in alignment with your desired relationship goal? So when a man says I'm not looking for anything serious if you accept that Believing that he'll most likely change then you're actually setting yourself up For potential heartache later later on down the road or actually very quickly quite possibly The other thing I hear now This is actually it's interesting because for some women this might sound like music to your ears But when a man After you've been physically intimate with him after you've been physically intimate He all of a sudden says we need to take things slow. We need to take things slow You know what I don't understand by the way my voice just got high-pitched right there what I don't understand is if you Went in like a rocket ship to get physical intimacy with someone then why would you want to shift that energy of speed? Okay, we're talking about speed right well what he's really saying when he says let's take it slow is like look I don't want to invest a lot emotionally with you I don't want to have you get attached to me. We're gonna drag this out I'm more than happy to get physical benefits from you along the way But we're gonna drag this out because I clearly know you are most likely not the one But I'm more than happy to play house with you for a while What I've observed with men who are genuinely seeking a life mate first off They don't take it slow in the beginning. They just have a nice healthy pace. Okay. It's like it's like you're in the Okay, so let's just think you're on the freeway Okay, someone who's in the slow lane is in the very fart rain for part lane far lane Someone who's in the fast lane is all the way at the other end But a nice healthy pace is something in the middle So someone who's genuinely serious about wanting relationship the pace from the very beginning is Actually a healthy pace. It doesn't need to go from radical fast to radical slow It's like imagining. Yeah, the guide, you know got you in bed And then immediately want to move into the slow lane like you'd be crashing into cars along the way and Emotionally they're crashing into your emotional well-being along the way So be careful when someone after physical intimacy now You might be thinking yeah, I want to take it slow because I don't want to invest too much But believe me the minute you've been physically intimate with someone that person's most likely going to want regular sex with you But then why should the emotional attachment go at a much slower pace not to suggest it should be a fast pace But I'm more in favor of the men that have a really good healthy pace along the way They're not pushing for sex right away And they're not inch. And by the way, I meant to say this earlier You asked any man who's happily in a relationship right now He usually knew within the first 90 days that he actually was pretty serious about wanting to explore something with somebody You know, they never said let's take it slow after physical intimacy. That's a common trait So if you hear this from a man, there's a good chance you're about to get your heart broken Okay, another thing that might be a song by the way in a moment. I'm gonna share with you I talked about what they say but in a moment I'm gonna talk to you about nine signs That you're probably have a relationship that's gonna break your heart. Just give me a few minutes I'm gonna get to those nine signs that your relationship is probably going to fall apart or he's gonna break your heart But another thing a man says it's not It's not that he says this directly to you, but he's talking about his ex relationship And he's very charged about a marriage about an ex-girlfriend. In other words, you can tell He hasn't gotten over it He incessantly talks about her He criticizes her he judges her he compares you to her all of these things That's a good sign if you've already given your heart to a man, but he's talking incessantly about an ex-partner There's a good chance That he's gonna break your heart along the way and guess what? I know many women as well that the minute you've connected with someone it's it's hard to detach From someone you got attached to I know this from personal experience. I know what it's like It's it's not easy to detach from someone that you had deep care for deep love for deep attachment for that person to detach Is is rather Hard And so it's no wonder there's a significant percentage of men and women who are actually still I don't want to say hung up on their ex Certainly there's some people that despise their ex, but if they despise their ex and they're constantly talking about them Oh my god Who wants to hear someone and by the way for many people they have a relationship with an ex-spouse that they can't disentangle from So you have to pay very close attention. You have to listen Is this person and and by the way, this is the time to ask those deeper questions about their past relationships Your job is to be a detective. Look I'm your big brother I wish I could be there for you on a first date I'd have my shotgun pointed at the guy's head and I say what's your intentions with my little sister I'd say kind of like this. What's your intentions with my little sister? The reason being is it used to be there was a consequence for bad behavior Look at I am admittedly. I've been a jerk. I've been an asshole. I've been a serial data I've been a I don't know if I was ever really a player per se But there was no consequences for my jackass behavior And I'm glad I'm grateful that there isn't like I'm grateful There isn't some man with a shotgun pointed my shot shooting my ass Because I was actually disingenuous with another woman and disingenuous doesn't necessarily mean, you know Intentional manipulation. It simply could mean Look at feelings are fickle things. We can feel amped up on testosterone and oxytocin and dopamine and serotonin and estrogen Just to name a few and we can go out of control with our emotions Many of you heard me talk about that I have a I'm a recovering anxious attachment style I and for those who are not familiar with the book attached by emir labine and rachel heller I Highly recommend reading this book. By the way, there's a link below to all the books. I recommend why I'm bringing this up is that You know our behaviors aren't necessarily sometimes even within our control So I know you can criticize men But I'm here to say most men are good guys. They're just bad daters And believe me folks, I spend a significant amount of time Looking for the silver bullet for everyone's just do this one thing And you're going to experience this juicy delicious healthy happy relationship I hold space of optimism for every one of you that it actually exists That it exists a really healthy relationship for you. I want you to hold that vision for yourself right now I want you to hold that vision of optimism. I want you to set an intention god universe spirit I want you to act as if I'm in a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship where we have Amazing off the charts chemistry with one another and it's I'm not talking about that radical love attachment style chemistry I'm talking we just are really into each other And we also have amazing communication with one another and we can banter for hours and hours at a time And when we have conflicts and differences We can resolve them with ease and our lifestyles are blendable with one another and we share the same values And have the same vision for where we see our future and we have the emotional maturity to build the deep roots of trust Through social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together Teamwork building skills both in our personal our professional life intimacy Both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to us either moving in together getting married god universe spirit I hold that vision for myself. I hold that vision for everyone listening right now Let's be optimistic that that actually is in your vortex So I said to you in a moment. I'm going to share it with you nine signs He's most likely going to break your heart, but I want to address one more thing that a man might say that could Put the odds in your favor that he's going to break your heart And I'm sorry, but it's the men who cut themselves down You're too good for me I'm not good enough for you. I'm not enough for you See, I believe that there are some genuinely wounded men and women alike who don't feel Fully capable for relationship. They want it deep down their little kid inside of them deep down wants A relationship at the same time. They are so deathly afraid of abandonment They are so deathly afraid of Of being amashed with somebody they are so afraid that they're going to lose themselves to another person that they put up walls Of self criticism of self contempt I see this with men. I see this with women as well See sadly, we have a deeply wounded population of human beings And I'm going to invite everyone to if you follow my channel and you've done the work If you've read my book what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help spiritual work There's a link below to get a copy of all the books. I recommend my book included Then I think it's it's a moral imperative That you ask some deeper questions very early on To sift out the men who are capable of leaning into a relationship versus those That are stuck behind a wall So what are some of the signs that your relationship is doomed and he's going to break your heart? I think these are there's nine of them here. I have the one things have been rocky without any resolution If you're starting to see friction between two people See the vast majority of people who don't know how to resolve conflict resolve conflict Will fade apart. I mean fade away. Excuse me So if it's been rocky without any resolution, that's a good sign That it's about the relationship is about to end number two He's spending more and more time away from you. He's busy Sadly we we can use this as a It's kind of a buffer like if we just start to slowly And I I think it's unintentional in this in the in the speed of this But let me just spend a little less time a little less time a little less time create a little bit of distance. So when you Pull the trigger and I'm sorry to say it that way pull the trigger that the relationship is over It's because they've already created some space believing that that's going to help you with the detachment unfortunately Once we're attached to someone it is so fucking hard to detach. I mean believe me You know, some people take years if not decades to get over a significant relationship So it's no wonder that you know There are a lot of human beings unable to go deeper and this is why I'm such a big advocate for you know invest like I shared this in a video before because I have a great deal respect for lewis house and he tells the story how One of the early questions he asked his now fiance Is would you be willing to do therapy or counseling or coaching as part of our co-creating of this relationship? That's great that we hear that from a man But it doesn't have to be the man It just has to takes one person to initiate that And if someone's not willing to do that then why would you want to give your heart? Let alone your body to someone who isn't willing to work deeply into the relationship So number two, he's spending more time away from you number three He cuts back complimenting you or giving you affection if you notice that the compliments have started to wane If the affection is started to wane It's in the same genre of spending less time with you when you notice, you know Listen, we men can get lazy, you know, we do a lot. This is why I've said to you if you've watched my channel before romance Is you know a romance based way of dating sets everybody up for failure I think romance should be reserved for people in a relationship not as a way to enter into a relationship Let me repeat that Romance is reserved for people in a relationship that are building a relationship versus an entry point into a relationship Because it sets you up for failure because you know Person can romance you get physically intimate and stop romancing you and stop Complimenting you and stop giving you affection and there's a good chance you're getting set up for heartbreak when that happens number four You barely talk to him. This is for those long distance dynamics. All of a sudden the communication starts to Become non-existent and the thing is with a long distance dynamic It's perfect, you know, like all you can do is stop communicating. There's nothing that person can't drive to your house You know when I was a teenager This was in high school. I actually had this gigantic crush on a woman And I drove out to her house and just sat there and looked at her house as if somehow I was telepathically communicating with her You can't do that when you're in a long distance relationship You can't drive to someone's house and just be there So what people do is they just begin to cut back on communication And that's one of the disadvantages of long distance dating number five He cuts back on sex. Yeah I've heard this from women. This is where a man doesn't initiate the physical intimacy He's no longer into the end does this ever happen to you where a guy is just cut back on sex That's when that happens. It's usually a sign. He's about to break your heart. He's about to end the relationship I mean, I mean not to suggest that some men as we age as those of us who are late baby boomers early gen Xers You know, unfortunately our equipment doesn't work as is steadily as we wished it could But I'd say we still have a fair amount of libido. Hopefully But certainly it's going to wane a bit as we age and so but if there's a real cut back on the physical intimacy That's a sign. He's about to break your heart Uh, number six. He's always in a bad mood when he's around you. He's always in a bad mood now Sometimes that can be circumstantial But that's usually a subconscious Act that this person is trying to create distance from you So when someone's in a bad mood, it's hard to get close to them And I think that's a preparation for possibly ending a relationship number seven He gets annoyed at you when you give him affection. You give him affection. He just gives leave me alone get off of me When a man starts doing that, that's just a sign that the relationship is literally on hanging on It's not even hanging on on the thread Someone can't accept your physical Affections, that's a good sign that it's the relationship is over. Let's just face it number eight He no longer prioritizes you all of a sudden everything else is a priority His children are priority his work is priority His golf game is a priority his friends are a priority We went from being you being a priority to now everything else is a priority That's a good chance. He's about to break your heart and number nine Number nine, am I doing that right number nine? You have more disagreement more and more disagreements with them. In other words, you no longer see eye to eye on things. It's just sadly You know, everything I've just shared is pretty typical of people that are married that just kind of fall You know drift apart But this is true for those early stages of the relationship too when people start to have disagreements This is the time to work on your shit. If you really want a fully Curated relationship, but if you're starting to have more and more Disagreements you stop seeing eye to eye with one another. There's a good chance This relationship is on the skids and he's about to break your heart so Look it I wish there was a way I could say just do this one thing And everything would magically work out for you, but unfortunately It doesn't exist. There are a lot of different things you need to do the first and foremost thing For those of you single and looking for love by the way reach out to me and schedule a discovery call with me But first and foremost, I invite you to have an optimistic point of view Because through optimism you have a greater chance of success even though i'm pointing out all the things that could go wrong Okay, number two Curate a bunch of self-love for yourself. I I really want you to embody embrace Personal development self-help and spiritual work because that's a pathway to happiness Whether you're in a relationship or not And then what I teach is discernment again There's a link right there to schedule a call with me. Okay I teach discernment and discernment actually when it's fully activated you can operate on intuition And my clients have great intuition because they've done the inner work to be prepared For those men who are misaligned with them and our goal is to find someone aligned with us Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know if it is post a comment below I'd like to hear your thoughts as always if you find value in my videos Please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos And if you want to connect with me directly in the show notes schedule a discovery call with me Find join my group called midlife love mastery find me on instagram join get the books. I recommend um Get my free gift. It's all in the links below All right Those who know my live format if you have a question Write the word question then post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker super chat There's a little dollar sign the chat box all the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund In the name of my son connor asley. That's a picture of him right there He's my son who passed away over five years ago in his honor We donate to causes like the hoffman process insight institute Just to name a few and scholarships on coaching as well so What do we have and by the way if you want to be live on camera with me because you have a question I just posted a link to join the hot seat with me That's right there and i'll post it a few more times. I'd love to get someone on the hot seat tonight Angels in the house question I'm struggling over a crap breakup heartbreak really sucks any tips and tricks to get over it faster Especially when the guy moves on too fast or rebounds you know A lot of my contemporaries would say go do the things you love go do a hobby go get a facial go do things, you know self-ampering You know One of the things we learned at the hoffman process is oftentimes We don't allow ourselves to actually feel our feelings. We distract ourselves whether it's exercise whether it's self-care whether it's spending time with friends and family Sometimes you just have to feel the shittiness You just have to feel the shittiness of the breakup and sometimes you have to scream at the top of your lungs I know when my last significant relationship ended and I dropped her off at the airport I was I left the airport and I was like mother. I was cursing I just let that anger out And there is something known as somatic therapy or emotional release work Could someone post that in the comments somatic therapy or emotional release work What it's going on angel is a lot of that energy is stored up inside of you in your body And it needs to be let out So I'm a big proponent of feeling your feelings, but all and not dwell on your feelings. That's different Feeling your feelings and just expressing it like get that shit out Get that stuff out of you because that's better than just doing manicures pedicures and all that good stuff Because a lot of times we're not dealing with the actual trauma and let's face it A breakup is a traumatic experience. You know, we have to we have to I mean even folks At a client who is dated someone eight times. They were physically intimate a few times and then he did the whole I'm not ready for a relationship bullshit line And she was rather attached to him. I think the same thing happened to me That fucking sucked. I'm gonna be candid it fucking sucks To really like someone to feel like you god You just found that person that you could go the distance with and all of a sudden they pull the rug out from underneath you Can we just can can we all just say it fucking sucks if it if you agree with me say amen, jonathan It fucking sucks or effing sucks. Okay Anyway, thank you so much All right, let's keep going here Bump bump bump bump Diane says how do I get over my shyness? When I have an interest in someone but I freeze up and mess up My chance is because I'm so worried about saying the wrong thing and turning them off Diane in my book called self what the heck a self-love anyway chapter one here. I'm just going to show you Chapter one Says speak your truth do it with kindness. Okay, but what's most important is chapter nine Chapter nine hold on a second Read that says if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing so Diane you have to really tap into what your heart is feeling I recognize that there is a lot of emotions of anxiety and fear But I really want you to take a deep breath and go. What am I feeling? I like you I like you You seem like an interesting person. He seems like someone I'm worth getting to know. I just want you to know I like you Sometimes it's as simple as saying that You know when the when you say that to the right man He can't stop thinking about you when a woman you're like when I've had a woman who I've been really into say I like you because like, you know interestingly enough When someone likes you they listen to you. They they respect you they value you their opinion You know love is a powerful word, but there's something more even powerful about the word like because it represents Friendship it represents respect. It represents like look you can love people who are fucking dirtbags. Okay, but you can still love them, right? But you probably don't like that dirtbag person. Okay, and I'm please forgive me. I know that sounds kind of crass so Learning to tap into your heart takes practice. I would say um go do guided meditations go to go to Like a lot of yoga centers have a lot of different workshops To help with connectivity with your heart So start hanging out with a bunch of wu wu people by the way folks I wasn't able to connect with my heart the way I am if it wasn't for my wu wu group of friends Where we get together and we talk about our feelings Like we just talk about our feelings the good bad the ugly and sometimes it comes out of our mouth like vomit, okay But when it's sincere and from the heart diane, you really can't say the wrong thing to the right person I hope that helps. Thank you so much for that question. By the way, if you want to join me live on camera I just posted a link right there janet jones is in the house Question i'm 71 and i've dated a gentleman for about 10 weeks I have never had a great relationship and have been married twice now I'm terrified that this will happen again. How can I stop that? By the way, I just noticed my button was um the right I was gonna say the right man exists so You have to recognize that the thoughts that are going on whatever thoughts going on in your head, okay I'm terrified something will happen I am optimistic that this might be a great relationship. I am optimistic that this might be a great relationship I'm optimistic. This will might be a great relationship. I differentiate between oh, wait a minute. Do I have that book right here? Oh god, where's that book? Hold on a second Do you guys know who winnie the pooh is? There's no winnie the pooh Okay, there's a couple characters in winnie the pooh one is tigger and one is eor I'm terrified that they're gonna break up with me I'm not worthy The sky is falling. That's eor and tigger is bouncy bouncy bounce bounce So you have a choice start shifting your narrative Listen, is it gonna work? No, but you're gonna feel better. I mean is it is a guarantee to work? No, but you'll feel better See shift from pessimism to optimism. Now. Do I have the secret magic bullet for that? It takes fucking work folks I'm not here to spoon feed you and shove, you know garbage up your ass Emotional maturity takes herculean work. It takes a trip by the way read the book The hopman process. This is a deep dive into healing your shit Your childhood wounds and adult traumas. I highly recommend reading this book. Okay. Thank you for that question. I appreciate Tracy's in the house Do you think it's possible to start a romantic relationship after you've been good friends and business associates with someone for a long time? If the sex is off the charts hell, yeah Sometimes sex changes everything imagine you've had Five orgasms one after another after another after another now. I know that sounds kind of crass so I'm being a little tongue-in-cheek but sometimes sex is the pathway to intimacy Ultimately, can that shift from good? See it's how you view the person you view them as a business person as a friend so it has to shift into some sort of Spark or butterfly inside of you I'm not advocating for sex per se, but I'm going to say that can some that can change things rapidly But you're rolling the dice when you do that too because it might not work out Especially if they're emotionally fucked up, but that's another story Tracy there isn't at the you know look at the other option Is to be in a state of gratitude See gratitude has the power Of shifting to love So if you can be in immense gratitude for this person, you might begin to feel more attracted to them I think when you're in immense gratitude for someone You can actually begin to feel more physical attraction with someone So either get laid or do the gratitude either one Good luck Tracy All right SJ is in the house Question four months in I stopped initiating sex so it's not happening golf and word games on his phone are his priorities He's 58. Okay. That's not a question. Oh, what the fuck? I mean, that's that's your question. That's not a real question So, okay, you've stopped initiating sex. What's the point of the relationship? I mean tell me that answer me that question All right Power of cheese says it fucking sucks angel says it fucking sucks. Yeah, it's fucking sucks Ty is in the house. Hey ty Why when you say okay? Yeah, or that's good while texting is when the guy stops responding And the conversation ends follow up with text. He says what am I supposed to say to that? Why when you say, okay? Yeah, that's good while texting is when a guy stops responding You know text listen human beings weren't designed My thumbs weren't designed to be my vehicle for communication. Do you realize that? Verbal communication is where you get to use your hands and your facial gestures and all that stuff to take that and now try to articulate Grander thoughts with your thumbs is incredibly arduous Well, a lot of people aren't good at it. So I'm not suggesting there's that's an excuse. I'm just explaining why that might be the case Okay Thank you for that question. I appreciate it Hey, we gin is in the house. We haven't seen you in a while Jonathan, I agree with lewis house engaged in therapy together right from the start love that Yeah, I do too. I have great deal of respect for that angel's back in the house Why are men so commitment phobic these days because you women allow it? By the way, it used to be if you wanted to get laid you had to get married You had to make the ultimate kip mit and to get sex ever since birth control birth control birth Casual relationships, that's the why birth control birth casual relationships because there's no consequence for having To being physically intimate and not going anywhere. That's the reason why you might not like it Men have never like let's be clear, you know 200 000 years ago neanderthals It wasn't like they were like, I want a relationship. I want a relationship They weren't singing praises to relationship Actually, human beings were rather promiscuous back 200 000 years ago. So I mean, I think it's important to recognize that But birth control changed a lot of things Because there used to be a consequence for you know unprotected sex Okay Let's keep going Sharon wants to remind everyone I talked about somatic therapy that energy was probably based in needs My emotional distance father wasn't able to fill husband One was much like my charismatic father and probably was seeking validation. Aha. Good to hear I mean thanks for sharing. I mean to say angels in the house Why do men move on so fast after they break up from you when they said how much they love you? it's because They they made a promise they couldn't keep and so they have to run the opposite direction as fast as they can Because there's a bit of shame going on There's a bit of embarrassment going on Um, because we men by the way, we speak out of our asses when we're amped up on chemistry Oh my god, the fucking shit. Okay chemistry or love attachment I'm going to tell you the shit that's come out of my mouth when I've been amped up on chemistry Like I mean, I can't tell you how many times. Oh my god. You're the most amazing woman in my life. Oh my god I could see us getting married. I'm in love with you and I'm like, you know one date And then there's something called post nut clarity. By the way, someone write this down post nut clarity I want you to go to reddit and read about it Basically the minute a man ejaculates. Did you guys ever see the movie? um Something about mary and there's a scene where um his friend Uh, god, who's the actor his friend was telling a ben stiller, you know, hurry up and masturbate before the date Because then you operate with a clear head the minute a man ejaculates. He's all of a sudden has a clear head That's called post nut clarity. So why does that happen? I mean, I'm going on, you know, why do men move so fast and break up with you? It's because the shit that comes out of their mouth is because you guys you ladies have been so indoctrinated Men love the hunt men love the chase What do you think we're hunting? What do you think we're chasing? Do you think we're chasing? I want a relationship. I want a relationship. I just so want a relationship I'm gonna hunt for it. I'm gonna pull out my bow and arrow and I'm gonna capture her And aren't hunting that we hunt and chase sex That's just biological. I am guilty of this now. It's taken a tremendous amount of Of willpower to operate from a more genuine place But that's the why anyway What are you going to do about it? It's the question I ask of you. Hey, by the way, if anyone wants to Someone please join the hot seat. I'd like to have someone on uh Power of she says Jonathan I the last guy dated wouldn't shut up about his ex and I was trying to turn Me into her told me to wear the same clothes hairstyle perfume You know, it's funny the minute you actually like something about another person. It's kind of it's kind of uh I would say When you like something about another person you meet someone new There's a there's this desire to make that person you're the old person because you have some affinity for that other person I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying it happens Angel says I deserve better amen. I've done the self-improvement work healed my wounds I deserve a healed guy who is not commitment phobic. Can I get an amen? I feel like a preacher sometimes Living large counseling coaching counseling says somatic therapy texts the practice of embodying emotions by dr Raji self of Well, fuck I can't s e l v a m the practice of embodying emotions by dr. Raji r a j s e l v a m You're listening to the podcast All right, let's keep going Angel wants to remind everybody gratitude is everything gratitude is everything gratitude is everything Okay, all right angels back in the house and she says I'm fine. What I'm finding is women don't women have Done the work, but men are not doing the work Okay angel as a man I find that the men I know are doing the work and the women aren't doing the work So who's right? Are you right or am I right? You see this is a human thing. It's not a gender thing. Stop making it women. You guys are just as fucking That shit crazy as men. I you guys are no picnic, you know, you guys give your power away. That's emotional dysfunctionality And then you blame the man for it. You guys are irrational at times So let's not make this a male thing human beings are rather dysfunctional myself included Janet says thanks, jonathan. That helps. I need to look inward because this man seems perfect for me And he's ultra positive. All right Glad to hear he's perfect for you Maureen wants to remind everyone I said post not clarity Look it up on reddit. You'll see a lot of shit all right Alina says Should I give another chance to a guy I met six weeks ago and stopped talking and wants to Start all over again Should you give him a chance? I don't know. Should you I mean, what do you want to do? If you want to give him a chance, you're going to give him a chance I could say no fucking way and you're still going to do it So you you want to give him a chance. You're asking me So i'm going to say no don't give him a chance because I know you're going to do the opposite of that Do what feels right for you, you know, just go in with a clear head because there's you know There's a good chance. You you've got to ask those deeper questions. I teach this in my private coaching folks There's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you I'm here to encourage you to ask those deeper questions sooner rather than later So you don't give your heart away to another human being Lexi says I guess my intuition is off. I tend to take what someone says at face value into proven differently So I find it. I think it's here's the challenge I don't believe most human beings are intentionally Manipulative I don't believe that I do believe that we lie to ourselves So if we lie to ourselves and we're sharing something with you You obviously have to take it on face value But I think most humans aren't very introspective So Finding out about how okay, so Here's a question you might ask a man. What have you done to heal? From your last relationship and the way he responds will give you clues into his emotional IQ And that's when you want to listen to your intuition because he's speaking to you at face value at that point Okay That's just my oh, hey tracy. Thank you for the five dollar super sticker. Oh my god Our goal tonight is 50 dollar 50 dollars and we need now 45 dollars. Okay. Thank you tracy Come on. We'd love to have some love. Give us some love to the conor asley scholarship fund sj's back in the house What questions can I ask him to get him to open up only four months in it's worth my time You know, it's funny one of the women in my channel put the following and she goes This is my secret to get a guide up open up Whenever I want to talk about emotions. I take my top off and I walk I walk with just my boobs out And she goes it works like a charm now I don't know if that does work like a charm, but I just thought that's an interesting approach How do you get a person to open up? start with your I believe there's value into sharing your fears See from what I understand and I can't speak to this but the average woman Basically at least once a day his fears her fear has a fear of Not death but a fear of Being hurt. Okay women live men men can operate with a fair sense of Safety in the world, but women don't have that same safety in the world So one thing you might want to share Is the last time you had a fear Or even share a fear you have about the relationship The minute you speak something sincere or just say, you know what I just want to I I want to share something with you. I I feel a little insecure in our relationship because I don't feel like we built trust together as an example And and I'd really like to hear what you think about that It's an opportunity for him to open up and if he's dismissive of you He's not a safe person to be with if he dismisses your feelings You're not safe and that means he's most likely not going to open up if he discounts your feelings If he dismisses your feelings if he gaslights your feelings by saying your feelings are incorrect That's that's not a red flag. That's forest run forest run run forest run run forest run Someone put that in the box there run forest run Someone is dismissive of your feelings Turned your feelings around You know argues that your feelings are wrong because when you speak from the heart the right guy will open up Hey, Julie's in the house Is it rare for the man to go from friends with benefits to a relationship? Or is he doesn't want a relationship and he starts And from the start and he's likely unlikely to change his mind. Yeah, I would say 999 999 out of a million So you're saying Jonathan there's a chance Don't pull the dumb and dumber move. Yeah, most likely if it starts his friends with benefits I mean there's always exception to the role But 99 out of 100 times it's not going to happen So you're saying there's a chance Jonathan Angel says question. Maybe I'm picking the wrong man. That's not a question folks. That's a statement I'm sorry. I have to criticize you guys. That's not a question. That's just a statement Well, I guess it is a question in the sense you're asking yourself Maybe I'm picking the wrong man, but that's not a question. You're asking me. Maybe you are. Maybe you're not. I don't know Lisa says if I'm hungry should I eat? Barbers in the house After being on the apps for a few years. Do you find yourself? Find your are becoming less and less attracted to people Yeah, you know, I'm gonna say something it's Dating apps have marginalized human beings. Unfortunately They've truly marginalized human beings and it's very rare that first off It's it's funny. Oh, oh, by the way, you know how I always criticize ladies your profiles and men profile that they're all a piece of shit Yesterday, I was invited to a singles event hosted by my friend Julie Furman F-e-r-m-a-n Julie Furman. She worked. She's a matchmaker at Cupid's coach I highly recommend someone put it in the chat box there Julie Furman f-e-r-m-a-n Cupid's coach go to her website. She's the only honest matchmaker on the planet Per me. That's just my belief system. She's a genuinely honest matchmaker and she put together a singles event yesterday And um, oh fuck What was I talking about before that? um Oh darn I had a thought fuck Fuck fuck fuck fuck. What was my thought being on the apps for a few years? Oh Oh, so I finally met a woman and she showed me her dating profile on match.com and I'm like, holy shit This was a 99.9 out of 100. It was that well done I think most people put together shitty profiles and they get shitty results and everybody is just frustrated because everybody puts in crap effort They put in crap effort connecting with one another. Actually. I had a woman wrote right now. I'm bumble fuck She lives 500 miles away and there's a mismatch there, but she wrote me a beautiful message Truly touched my heart Oh god when I have a when a woman writes me a sincere kind message Whole I mean like I my radar is up in like my radar is gigantic up For that kind of person I mean, I'm still looking for compatibility and such but this woman wrote a beautiful message and we you know We engaged with one another but uh, unfortunately, she lives 500 miles away. That sucks anyway Anika's in the house in the house. What is the difference between chemistry connection and compatibility? Okay um chemistry So I differentiate between the biological chemistry and then there See so that's chemicals being released in your body that says fuck this person God Jonathan, you just said the f word. You are so vulgar. All right sleep with the person. Okay connection is an energetic thing it's it's more I think there's the biological and then the energetic And that's what connection is and some people you just connect with because you can have chemistry for someone but they open Did you ever see the uh animated film called happily never after happily never after Happily never after it's about cinderella Meets prince charming gorgeous guy handsome. He's got the best family in town But when he opens his mouth, he's a bumbling idiot Okay She had chemistry for him But the minute he opened his mouth there was no connection with him And compatibility is where your lives blend with one another. That's what compatibility is. So hopefully that answers your question. Thank you so much Bump bump bump bump bump. Come on. Someone join the hot seat Because I need them for future videos Um mara's in the house Jonathan do you ever get tired of hearing everyone's stories and the dating and just bored to tears? Do I get tired? No, I I'm because I have a lot of compassion for everyone's experience I do get Rather frustrated with stupidity Oh, and I've been thinking a lot about this. So many of you have criticized me on some of my videos where I'm really unhinged and I'm ranting And I realized that I have this radical aversion to stupidity just stupid behavior But I recognize that's a mirror. I'm mirroring my own anger towards my own stupidity Folks, I've done some stupid things in the dating realm. I'm gonna own my shit I've gotten attached to someone on one telephone call. I mean I I I already started their last name as my last name. I've done shit like that I'm I'm part chick. So I don't one of the reasons why I think I'm a good coach is that I actually get women because I'm part chick um So I get criticized as being a simp and a feminine and all that kind of shit, but I don't have fuck everyone else. Um, but anyway, do I get tired of it? No Do I get bored to tears? No, because I I hold space that we can turn them around Even the stupid ones So thank you mar. I appreciate it Uh Wanda's in the house Should you tell a new guy that you have a health issue when you first start talking to him? I have to see an oncologist tomorrow because my pet can Shouldn't be licking that neoplasm. Should I tell him? Gosh, you know, I I have mixed feelings on this one a You know before trust is built. I don't think you Should tell someone but if someone gets attached to you um, I think Before physical intimacy. I think it's important to divulge those things before physical intimacy But prior to that, I think you have to build trust with one another Okay, thank you for that question. Wanda and I'm sending you a lot of love. I'm hoping everything comes out. Okay You're all clean. Everything is good. I'm sending you a lot of love Dada wants to remind everyone Julie Furman cupid's coach. I want you to go google that right now Go to her website mention my name mention my name Um, she is a wonderful human being she even has a service for you know, like a few hundred dollars You can get coached by her and then she'll um She'll put you in her database She's got some amazing people in her database. So check out Julie Furman cupid's coach She is She's in my opinion the only honest one out there and I know that's Judging everyone else, but that's because she's the she is a genuinely honest human being anyway Oh, did anyone get matched at the event? Um You know, there was a woman I should have walked up to I was kind of attracted to her But I got pulled away by some other women I'm sure there were some love connections and Julie's gonna set some people up afterwards So, yeah, I'm sure there's going to be there's going to be at least one love connection that comes out of that And there was 20 there was 24 women and 16 men So we men had the better odds Um Stephanie is in the house really quickly sonora. Thank you for the $10 super sticker I really appreciate that means our goal tonight is 35 more dollars send some love to the Conor Asley scholarship fund Stephanie is in the house Sometimes men are so fucking adorable like you've been through this call But how do men feel about being called adorable? Is there a term that would be more appreciated? I love the word adorable. So you've you've just triggered me. Um What's a good card, you know, I'm not a wordsmith. So at the moment Um, let's look up the let's go to the psorias.com. Okay, let's go to the psorias Um, how do you fucking spell the psorias? uh How do you spell oh wait god, I how am I not spelling it? Hold on a second Thesaurus Not Taurus God, I know I thought a sore like it. I know it just There it is. I I was using an e a not an e. Okay, let's look it up Okay, let's look up adorable And let's find some synonyms or adjectives or whatever they're called adorable Okay, how about trying these words? cute lovable Captivating charming cute delightful appealing attractive darling dear delectable delicious Dishy dreamy fetching Heavenly hot Kawaii, I don't know if that is pleasing precious I think hot's a good word. You're hot You're appealing. You're a darling. You're dishy. You're dreamy Mcdreamy does anyone member dr. Mcdreamy? So those are some words you may want to replace Stephanie. Hope that helps Sharon's in the house again. John. What do you do to decompress or recover from intensity of live chats with all of us in need of help masturbate I know that's not it. I'm just being uh silly. Um, what do I do? You know what I actually uh You know what I'm pathetic I sometimes will watch a movie over and over and over again because it's mindless and I already know it I I'm a big sci-fi fan. I watch so much sci-fi movies. It's kind of annoying Um, so sometimes that's the way I chill and unwind. Um, you know, um, or I binge or then I'll start watching some new series on Netflix That's just kind of how I unwind. Sometimes I play a game. I play does anyone play word scape? I play word scape to kind of chill. I do sudoku. I do solitaire Those are just kind of unwinding things for me. And then I'm usually consuming a couple hours a day of content Again, I'm constantly looking for the brass ring the silver bullet to offer some advice That's going to change everyone's life. I am constantly in search of that Silver bullet out there Angel says how do how to not be too open and vulnerable with a guy in the early stage of dating like the first four months As in guarded your heart and having healthy boundaries I don't like the idea of guarding your heart and I don't like the the idea of walls up I'm just not a fan. I I believe in being totally open Now healthy boundaries Okay, brunet brown She wrote the book. Uh, what the fuck is that book daring greatly? Shit, where's my book daring greatly? Well, she wrote a number of books. Uh, where the fuck is my brunet brown book? It's there somewhere. Um So please forgive me. I'm sorry to have my back turned. Um, so a boundary is what's okay and what's not okay for me So if you need help start to write down what's not okay and then read these two books Nonviolent communication by marshal Rosenberg And I hear you the surprisingly simple skills behind extraordinary relationship by michael sorenson First identify what doesn't work for you read these books and then articulate it to him in a compassionate way Um, I don't believe in having a closed heart. I believe in being radically open But boundaries is just simply expressing what's okay and what's not okay for you Um, this is something you got to practice You got to do it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again Barbara says what have you set your max distance that you would consider close enough to build a relationship with So distance is not the issue for me Because quite frankly lax airport is 15 minutes from where I live so To me driving to and from the airport isn't a long drive. Okay What's the challenge is somebody's? capacity To meet my desire of a day in day out relationship So do they have do they have a professional life that allows them a tremendous amount of flexibility? Because I can work from their home. I could visit them and work from their home But I mean, it's not going to be very exciting if they have such a busy life That they don't have time to travel and visit me and do that sort of thing. So for me, it's not the distance It's their it's their lifestyle flexibility, but I appreciate you asking me that question. I thank you Power of cheese says jonathan. Do you think those other women cock blocked you from approaching her? Uh No, I was I was engaging by the way one of the women. Oh my god So one of the women is a big fan. She's like probably watching this right now She could recite that she did the most flattering thing to me last night She could recite my content better than I could recite my content I was like, did I say that like so, um, no, she didn't cock block me I just didn't get the you know, like sometimes you have to I didn't feel an invitation from that woman There was a woman there. I was attracted to I just didn't feel an invitation To connect with her and maybe I just wasn't her type as she was talking to other men So who knows what was going on but no, I did not get cock blocked and if I did I allowed it to happen Lexi wants to remind everyone handsome is always appreciated. I love the word handsome. So I love when I'm talking handsome, adorable, dreamy, dishy Uh appealing. I love all by the way. I'm a leo It's not words of okay five love languages Words of affirmation us leos words of adoration. We love to be adored By the way, I've yet to speak to a leo that doesn't feel that way Stephanie says Jonathan, you are so fun. I appreciate that. Nicole is in the house Is it a red flag if he refuses to post you on social media and he says he's not ready. It's been nine months You know, I have a new theory on that I have a new theory on that people that are not willing to post you on social media and they have a They they say I'm private I think that's a sign that they're just not that into you I really believe that I think they might care for you They might like you but there's when you're in love with someone when you're in love with someone I want to tell the world I'm not saying I'm a hundred percent right, but that's just how I feel about that all right folks, um Did any any more money for the Conor Asley scholarship fund? Come on. I'd like to get some dough We'd like to get some love Um Charlie says have you seen made what made what dreams may come I should go watch it tonight I've yet to see it. It's been on my list. Hey folks It's our hour is up I am grateful that I've been able to share with you when a man says these things. He's about to break your heart that asshole um Listen, I hope you found value in this if you did post a comment below I'd like to hear all your thoughts as always if you find value might be videos Please hit that like button. Please share this video Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell so you can be notified of new videos and always If you want to connect with me schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you Um, join my group called midlife love mastery join my membership here on youtube Follow me on instagram check out all the links to the books I recommend they're listed below and I'm going to wrap up this videos I always do first off give myself a big gigantic job the mark of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank jody and ty and mary an and lighthouse and we jin and everyone who donated and gg um power of chi and cosmic and angel flower and sherry and anita and Julie fischer and karen and dana and anita and i'm probably repeating some corny cobs in the house Everyone stephanie. Thank you so much with big hugs. I'm appreciative of you