 When you leave the narcissist, when you discard them, when you cut them out of your life, narcissists like to be in control. They like to influence your behavior. They like to direct the course of events. They want to choose when times are good and and when times are bad. A relationship with a narcissist will always go through different phases. It usually begins with love bombing followed by devaluation and then the discard and hoovering. The narcissist has to be in control of all of this. They have to decide when it happens. They have to be the ones pulling the strings. They have to control people and situations. They have to be the one calling the shots. They will use their influence to gain an advantage over you. They will manipulate your emotions. They will try to seduce you. They will act like they understand you as though they're on the same page as you. But once they know they've got you, they instantly lose interest in you. They begin to show contempt for you. They begin to treat you as though you're worthless, as though you're beneath their consideration. The most exciting part for the narcissist is when they're pursuing you. When they're trying to get your attention and then they're usually the ones who threaten to leave. The narcissist isn't always the one who leaves. Sometimes people choose to discard the narcissist first, especially now that people are becoming more aware of it. People are starting to realize what these narcissists are trying to do. They realize that the narcissist is not going to change, so they decide to leave. But when you leave the relationship, the narcissist cannot stand it. They see it as though they have lost control of you. And the narcissist always need to feel like they are in control. When you leave the narcissist, they lose the attention and validation that you would otherwise give to them. They lose all of the conveniences that you brought to them. And they lose power over you. When you leave, they will see it as though you are rejecting them. It will cause a narcissistic injury, which will be followed by narcissistic rage. They will be very aggressive towards you. They will insult you and put you down. They will try to make you feel like you're not enough. Or they may give you the silent treatment. They will show a lack of interest, concern and sympathy for you, as though you are no longer important. This acts as a coping and defense mechanism. Narcissists who are arrogant, entitled and grandiose cannot deal with rejection. They have this personality style to avoid rejection by forcing themselves onto you and trying to make you believe that you cannot live without them. But this grandiosity is actually just to compensate for their insecurity and instability. Which is why they crumble if you dare to leave them. They see it as though you are abandoning them. As though you are leaving them without any help or support. Many people think that narcissists don't care about anything, so they don't care if you leave. But this is not true. Narcissists cannot deal with abandonment. You may notice that even if you leave the narcissist for a few hours, they will become very anxious and nervous. They will be under severe mental strain. It will seem as though they are troubled or upset. They will start looking for problems. They will look for opportunities to argue with you. They will do anything to cause commotion. When you even mention that you need to go somewhere or do something without them. It's likely to cause an argument. Or they will just be silent. But you will be able to sense that something is wrong. You will get the sense that they are not happy with you going anywhere or doing anything without them. You reunite after the separation. The narcissist will not be welcoming towards you. They will seem very detached and distant. They will be angry because they are annoyed that you left them. But even if the narcissist has to leave you for whatever reason. They will still be angry because they just cannot deal with being apart. They cannot deal with separation. The narcissist are emotionally immature. They are like children. They cannot respond to these situations in a mature way. They cannot say goodbye and welcome you back when you return. Like a normal adult might do. When you leave a narcissist. Even if it's just for a few hours. It's like leaving a baby. That cannot understand that you are separate from them. The narcissist cannot understand what happens when you leave. To them it's like they've lost a part of themselves. Because they see you as an extension of them. They don't see you as a separate person. People who always show and feel opposition and hostility towards you. Tend to be the ones who are the most sensitive to rejection. It causes some anxiety and uneasiness. Because the reason why they are acting this way towards you. Is actually because they admire something about you. But they play down your qualities or abilities. In the hopes that it will keep you around. They do this because it's important to them that you remain around them. Because they cannot deal with the possibility of rejection. Although it may sound counterintuitive. It is often very effective. It keeps the other person trying to prove themselves to the narcissist. It keeps them constantly seeking their validation. Which then gives the narcissist the attention and validation that they are looking for. Because narcissists are highly sensitive to rejection. They are hyper reactive to any alternative suggestions or ideas. If you have an interest in something different to what they are interested in. It will offend them. It will instantly make them question their own ideas or preferences. But rather than reflecting on this. They will immediately question or criticize your preferences. Because they are highly sensitive to rejection. Even if you are just rejecting their proposals or ideas. They are not secure enough in themselves. To allow you to have a different or opposing opinion. And this is where their hyper reactivity comes from. They are very insecure. They are very unsure of themselves. But they don't want you to see that. They don't want you to see that. But they don't want you to see that. They don't like to look weak or sensitive to other people. So they will act like it doesn't bother them. They will become very angry towards you. Because they are blaming you for how they feel. They believe that you caused them to feel that way. The narcissist may seem dominant and controlling when you are with them. But when you finally decide to leave. That is when you will see how fragile and weak they really are. And they will blame you for their feelings. They will see it as though you are making them feel vulnerable. If they are suspecting that you are going to leave. They may even leave you first. Because they are afraid of you leaving them. So if you are going to separate. They want to be in control of it. They want to feel like they made the decision for things to end. Because then they can use that to control their fear of abandonment. But they often go back and forth between wanting you to stay. And wanting you to go. It's like they can never make up their minds. Which is how they will often hoover you. But when you give into their hoover attempts. It just starts all over again. Nothing ever changes. Thank you for watching. I hope this video resonate with you. Please like. Comment. Share and subscribe. If you would like to donate. My PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching inquiries. You can email me at coacher.narksurvivor.co.uk Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.