 what I like to call cultivating space, being present with someone else. Just like in conversation, just like when you go approach someone for the first time. If you're in your head, you're racing around, what do I think, what do I do, what do I say? The only thing you're gonna be conveying to that other person is nervousness, anxiety. Definitely not attractive, we can all agree on that. So the first thing that you have to do is you have to learn to simply be present, simply listen. It feels a lot different when I'm doing my best to quiet myself down as much as possible when I make eye contact with you, when I'm really just in my body, feeling whatever thing is swirling around, not trying to think or do anything. The second I jump into my head, what do I think, what do I do? My voice starts to get a little more rapid and it just feels differently. It feels more nervous, right? I'm doing my best to think, my mind's racing right now, what should I say, what do I do? And you probably feel a little bit more nervous. There's something known as emotional contagion. I hate if you sit next to someone who's really anxious or really angry, you're gonna start to feel more anxious than angry yourself. If you sit next to someone who's feeling very calm, you start to calm down yourself. So the first thing, the first kind of baseline when it comes to building any sort of sexual connection, any sort of emotional connection in any way, shape or form, is that you can't be actively trying to do anything. In fact, that's your biggest enemy. You have to slow down, create sort of peaceful environment, peaceful atmosphere. That's kind of the biggest basis for any social communication. Then with getting sexual, gotta do a little bit more. Or once again, you don't have to do anything, that's the enemy. You have to clear the other crap out of the way to let the natural processes of your body come forward. Because I'm sure, probably all been in a situation where sexuality has happened, where you weren't thinking about it, you weren't trying to do anything and all of a sudden a certain vibe started coming over your interaction with someone that you're attracted to. It's those times when you weren't actively trying to figure it out, that you were just enjoying yourself, that you were just having a great time with this other person. And then afterwards, you were like, oh crap, what happened, what did I do? How did that happen? How can I recreate that? And you get into that cycle of trying to figure it out, getting in your head, trying to actively do something. It's again, your biggest enemy. And then it's not surprising that you can't repeat that success. But what happens in those times when you're just having an amazing interaction, when you're getting out of your own way and allowing those natural processes to take over? Here's the secret. Getting sexual is all about the feeling. It's all about the feeling in your body. It's again, emotional contagion. If you're feeling turned on, if you're feeling sexual in your body, there's a good chance the person with you is gonna be feeling that as well. If you start to get in your head, if you start to think that second that you go up there, oh my God, she likes me, what do I do now? Kill it, right then and there, over, done. Little example of this, I will attempt to conjure up those sexual feelings in my body if it'll just give me a second. Close my eyes. Nervous, so this is a little more difficult than usual. Think of a situation that turns me on quite a bit. So notice that when I'm, once again, keeping things quiet, just holding this space feels a little bit different in the room than when I did a moment ago. I can't be actively trying to do anything, except for simply enjoy the feelings in my body. There's not a huge difference than when I clear out those feelings and go back into more of a mood of speaking, coaching. This is what I do, this is what you should do, more platonic, but all of a sudden, I let those feelings come up in my body a little bit more and there's a slightly different vibe to what I'm saying, to the feeling that you get in your body as I make eye contact. I notice a couple other things. My voice slows down a little bit more, maybe drops down a little bit lower in pitch or tone. And this is important because sexuality cannot exist without silence. If you're one of those guys that gets excited that talks really fast, shooting yourself in the foot, you can't do it if you wanna get sexual. I mean, I have to watch myself. I get very excited and talk too fast, but when I do, there's not a woman in the world that would be attracted to me. My face has a little bit more of a sexual energy to it, expression to it. My lips become a little bit more sexual. Once again, you can't actively try to do this though. You can't think, well, I'm gonna try to talk in a sexy tone. I'm gonna make a sexy facial expression. It's the same as trying to smile when you're not really happy. It just looks awkward and it looks weird. It makes other people feel uncomfortable. Why? Because that feeling, that thing that's most important is awkward, is uncomfortable. Always starts and ends with the feeling. The only thing that matters. Now, aside from simply feeling these things in your body, there's another component to getting sexual, because once again, nine times out of 10 of a woman who has been trained in our society to not be the aggressor, to be told that that's slutty or unattractive, which isn't true whatsoever. I mean, if you're attracted to a woman and then as she fulfills the fantasy that we've grown up watching in all of our boy movies and makes it easy for us, we're not gonna complain. But as we know most of the time that that doesn't happen. So when you're feeling these things, right? When she's communicating back with us that she's on that same level, then we have to typically move things forward physically. If we want them to go anywhere from there. Keep in mind, I say, if she's on that same level. I mean, the first thing that I'm always gonna be looking for is that vibe reciprocated from her. If I feel attracted to her, once again, I'm not closing my eyes and thinking of a scenario that's sexy in my mind. I mean, either I'm attracted to the person in front of me and those things come out naturally, I'm doing my best not to get in my own way or start overthinking, but simply to let her know that that's how I feel. I'm gonna be reading her. I'm gonna be paying very close attention to the messages I'm getting back. If she feels that energy coming from me and she makes eye contact with me, if I can feel that turn on coming from her, I'm going to move things forward. To getting sexual, right? Because once again, nine times out of 10, got myself to where I've gotten myself to the point where I can kind of close my eyes and bring it up. And keep in mind, like what you saw up here on this stage is a pale shadow. Like when there's a woman that we are really connected and we're really jiving. I mean, it's gonna be like this times 10, right? In terms of answering your question, I would say it depends on the person. I don't know.