 Spinning on her face as she was sort of trapped underneath and it just like sort of ripped all the The the face skin off. It's one of the most hilarious Traffic incidents I've ever been involved with she's dead. Oh to be honest. I really know I was driving an unregistered car So I just continued on it's Marty's birthday. Welcome to the episode number 15 of the Marty and Michael podcast Can we turn this shit down wrong way? I'm helping you I'm gay helping you gauge gay week nine or some shit of Isolation and let let's just let's just say what you've done. Nothing else has happened We've just been doing normal normal normal normal and it's just been normal Up until now so moving right along Matt Brown is holding a gel blaster a gun. Oh and it shoots Shoot that then oh my god. Oh my god. He could blind us. That was in between. It's really inaccurate Really inaccurate So yeah, he's my god. He could have fucked you on your own blinded So yeah, he has a gun and he will shoot at us throughout the podcast over here is screaming I'm a safety goggles on not because of other shit. We've done today. I think my skin on my eyelids is Safety goggle enough Michael's getting already quite cross. I'm quite cranky I'm sure you all have heard of Matt Brown So he's like the guy who comes over and without even really saying a word to us like there's very little we know about him He sort of just comes over. I hooked up with him once. Yep Michael's kissed him So we're not sure about his sexuality and he just grabbed Michael's laptop starts researching straight away And like I look over his shoulder sometimes at the websites He's on and like he can hack into like people's web webcams. He never wears colors He always just wears black if you if you have a webcam on your laptop or desktop Matt can watch you even while it's turned off. He's done that sort of shit. He's reached a research skills are Like tenfold It's Sean. It's fucking. What's that guy's name? Sean Peters. Sean Peters level shit Googling So basically he's fucking come up with some new shit. He's come up with some banger fucks Some shit. I've you wouldn't even you wouldn't even dream of this But let me tell you something but on this day segment is out of control Is that what you did? Yeah, yeah on this day in 1962 Katie Holmes opened a cheesecake shop After some initial success the business took a hit after it was revealed Katie uses her own breast milk to make the cakes She claimed that the breast milk is packed full of milk and that she had minor brain damage when she opened the shop So if that's 1962 she would have been 18 at least when she opened it that makes her a hundred and four old man She looks good for her age. That's why Tom Cruise. That's why Tom Cruise On this day in 2008 Dwayne the Rock Johnson Accidentally crushed a small dog by patting it the owner of the dog watched on in horror as the massive hand snapped The ribs of the small shit so when it quickly died of internal bleeding I think I remember seeing that on TMZ Just a very sort of innocent pad, but like his hands weigh about 50 kilos. It's crush. He's a big man Let's crush it. Would you take a hit for 50k? Yeah Straight up to the face imagine him tossing his tossing his cock off. He could probably squeeze it so hard that the knob explodes. Oh Matt Verified he's verified on Instagram that's hauling that against us on this day in 1999 Vin Diesel sold chairs at the markets Once he sold enough chairs. He shaved his fucking head walked purposefully to Hollywood and sucked off the first director He saw he was then he was then cast in the fast and furious That is journalism That is journalism. That's class a journalism. Well done Matt Matt Gregory Brown from research Michael researcher research Titian on this day in 1986 Kevin Spacey broke the record for the amount of humans sexually assaulted in a 45 minute period He felt up 26 different people and even tongue-kissed a small deaf boy before he was stopped. Oh Oh, fuck assuming that was on set. He did a lot of these are feeling up on set. So he probably was like dudes. They're like Allegedly, that's lucky. That's yucky. Isn't it? Yeah Yeah So disgusting back to it showing us he's oh my god Oh my god. Holy shit. You could have died What happened on the weekend? I don't remember the weekend to be honest. We got to remember this Fuck it was like two days ago. You went away. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I looked after boys. I spooned him all weekend Yeah, we had a boy's no me me and mon went away on Saturday to a beautiful outback Like place in um, and you got roust out your Monday and the owners. Yeah, they're a bit fucked But it was fun. I like to say this because it's like It's like a diary journal Yeah, yeah, well, this that's why we do this because we don't get paid for this This is just our own personal diary entry And then we can't write so we just fucking talk shit. Yeah, I looked after boz Yep spooned him a lot. He was cool with it. Um, he's been depressed Thanks, dude. Look at that. What did you do to him? Just suck him off again In question time, we've got some Well, it's funny that you mentioned question time because that is the end of the first segment and the next segment has been renamed That's a standing ovation And this is a segment where we just answer questions that you guys have just sent in by instagram Fully just made that up on the fly Dude, that was star wars talented I'm so talented better because it wasn't star wars so many things I just randomly do and I'm really really good at Oh my god Yeah, I'm as shocked as both of you just as shocked. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. That's one of my top three faves Fucking hell like how good am I how good am I? Some would say the best. Holy shit. That was very very good. Some would say the best, mate I sort of feel like maybe we should end it Some would say the best my pal All right, let's get on to question time. Oh my god, the first question is from Sebastian If matt brown turned into a cow, what would you do? And I think that's directed at you I've never really considered but think about it put that Yeah, well if I walked in and matt brown was a cow, I don't know. I guess it would be the end of the podcast Ha Do you know what I mean? I'd fuck him so hard. He wouldn't want anything to do with us Do you know what I'm saying? It wouldn't be nice. I'm hearing it in the head. It wouldn't be nice for either of us It'd be hard because you couldn't come back as a look. It's a friendship ruining scenario. So let's just move on It's move on. It's a friendship ruining scenario Another sebas jahn with double a in the sebastian and then j 94. That's great Why are you so silly? Oh, great question We're so silly because um, we're autistic. I'm pretty sure we are. We're gonna do a vid on a new We've spoken about well, you definitely are. It's still the jury's still out on me But we're gonna do a like a test to see if we are actually on the spectrum And I know a lot of our fans and listeners are autistic. This isn't having a go at any of any of you guys It's just we we legitimately think There, you know, we could be on the spectrum We could be on the spectrum and like, yeah, there's a very just some based on some of the behavior Yeah, they're like he could We're gonna do a video you'll see. Yeah, we're gonna go to a doctor and they're gonna fucking diagnosis But there's a reason. Yeah, we get it too. Like we we realize that something's not quite right It's fun being silly though. I like Like something's not quite right. Yeah, it's yeah, it's from uh, matilda. All right next one's from chris Sky bin ski, how do you guys deal with all the pain you put each other through? We just like be tough and strong and men and then NRL but better like NR we don't raise and we don't raise. Yeah, no, rape's not really I need to We just fucking we be strong tough man We build during the day and then uh cut cut here cut there nothing No, there's nothing. Oh, you need a bandaid go to hospital. Oh, let's brush it away Brush it away a man strong take care of it. So that's how we do that. I've never broken a bone. I've always maintained that we are invincible Studies have shown proved It's 420 All right next question is from D namo D dot namo D dot namo has said Dear mighty and michael and matthew brown My question this week is Guest connor has a great What's his secret should we call him and find out? Hey connor? We've got connor on the line here. Um, one of our questions, uh Do you want to read read it? What's your secret to having such a good ass? Someone's asked Someone's asked us what your secret is to Maintain only your bum's fun. You've got a fun bum I'm at work. I that's all tell him tell him i'm at work Okay, let them know that's the answer. He's editing. He's editing for us. He'll get back to you. Love you more clearly Sophia Do you speak even a little and understand another language? She knows the answer to that. Yes. Can you show it off? I fucking hate it But it makes me laugh Hello That's how you say it in german, right? How do you say hello in german? Hello Toos, how do you say goodbye? Toos. Auf Wiedersehen trissi Works me up john has said he's just straight john If you guys were sent to prison Who do you think could last longest and why? I think michael would be able to slither down the pipe Down the pipes and just sort of stay in there Have water he slithered down the toilet pipes and then just lay dormant in the piping until the building Decomposed a thousand two thousand years from now So michael would be fine. He'd just attach himself to piping and live off the moisture in the air Whereas I would have to work my way up the hierarchy and um Sucks and cock. Yeah, I'd have to suck cock hard to begin with and then I would be at a level where it's like I have protection and like people could attack me like I'm not high enough To be really protected, but I'm at a level where it would deter them sort of safe. Yeah Yeah, it would that be like, oh better not better not something bad could happen from this And mark would be laying dormant in a cocoon in the pipe work In the the sewage where the uh the prison sort of moisture plumbing. Matt's got a gun Oh Oh, oh my god, fuck off. You're gonna do it. Do oh shit. Oh god. Look how close that was. Oh, that's all right That's pretty good aim God, you are a fucking FBI who said that which reminds me this podcast is sponsored by uh the university of mark If you want to support this podcast subscribe to our website. It's five dollars us a month It's nothing if you can't afford that don't listen to us. It's only like seven videos a week Two free videos a Q and a month and like it's just gonna get better and you can talk to us It's just gonna get better and better. Okay. It's worth the money. Just sign up you get 14 days free So if you don't like it, yeah, you have to put in your fucking car details to begin with But guess what you got 14 days to change your mind and cancel free of charge So if I were you I'd I'd sign up Watch everything and then I'm subscribed before the 14 days, but that's just me Fuck you guys do you though, but that's something that you can do Yeah, yeah, yeah, and a lot of people do that But if you like the content then then stay subscribed because there'll be more. No, no I've just come up with a loophole. Is this a possibility that they can Sign up for the free subscription Fucking cancel it and then sign up say six months down the track Watch all binge watch all the shit again 100 100 so we can't keep track of that Yeah, but like it's five dollars. It's a coffee. Help us. Yeah, so if you want to do that you can you can just Periodically sign up two weeks you get free so you can just fucking watch everything and then unsubscribe before you get paid Wait another few months get a weekend off work watch everything and then just just keep doing that So just do that promotes their website like that That's so fucked just trying to help them out because like we're fucking selling out trying to fucking make cash Give us money give us money just trying to help them out because I don't know how fucking annoying it is When the people you like listen to look up to sell out like we have I hate it like I believed in god at one point went to church read the bible and then started fucking priests Yeah, so like so if you guys want to do that then do that and I would do that So go ahead and do that Next question that's that All right next question is from official Shane Podcast question is hitler mud is uh, no We have similar descendants, but we are not related directly Next question should we uh FaceTime Jackson? All right. I'll put you up to the speaker here. So you might not be able to see me But ask the next question Michael. It's matt brown's choice matt brown. What would you like to ask jackson? Odewity Oh, yeah, it's legal man. It's legal. It's fine How is he so beautiful? I want people to know who Yeah Marijuana the plan what's your fucking question matt? How do you stay so beautiful? How pardon what how do you stay so beautiful? Girlfriend to shit on my face. It's really good for your skin I'll talk to mine because the bacteria inside the gut health with all of the Chemicals and the the atoms anyway increases elasticity. Yeah, I've read that article too 100% Did I write? I wrote I wrote something once I meant to say so not that article. I'll stop talking Why are you wearing sunglasses inside? He's had a lot of uh I just say You know what's been going on. Ha ha ha ha. Yeah, you fucking He's out of meters your cheeky source count. Ha ha ha fucking cunt and he's shooting bullets Fuck he's pissing. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh, that almost went real well Dude you pissed on yourself in on my in my car My passenger seat is fucked you did many times whenever I drove you around you just piss on yourself in my passenger seat Isn't that what you're supposed to do? Oh man now and then but not every time cars are I need to weave cars are Fucking stop. I want to win I want to win He's trying to piss in a cup. All right next segment is called stunt time. It's the same name as it always is And this week we're going to give each other Chinese burns For stunt time as hard as you can 30 year old man. Oh, I feel so I reckon I'll be able to separate your skin so you'll have two sleeves of skin Circling like that. I'm not very strong anymore. I've got fucking You've got osteoporosis Oh, no, it is sort of a massage. Hey Oh, it's a bit of a bird. Oh, Jesus again. Always fools like fucking maybe on the neck Stunt time spit one up in the air and see if I can catch him. I'm out. Yeah, okay You love this one Dude did you get it in one more try Trying to up more it felt like that just hit me in the face. All right. Do you want me to lob it up more? Yeah, I just went straight to your face then. Yeah. Yeah accident So I think Oh, fuck that one had a big chunk. That was hard. Oh, it's a little bit of steel in it Oh, I feel sick stunt times just turned into me spinning. Yeah, it's like us long Long distancing kiss in all right, dude. We love you hard and we'll chat to you soon. Okay I love you. See you Jackson Anyway, all right cut pizza that Connor Uh Connor will probably have to go through that with a little bit of a fine tooth comb to make sure these boys look respectable Yeah, we will be in a We're being very naughty then Connor and uh, you could sell it to the Daily Mail and if you do I want 10% can't Hahaha Segment has been named Oh the fart at the end got me was that a real fart and this is a segment where we just basically open shit You excited boss And someone has sent us a little fucking blocks probably for a shit and person a abortion in a syringe. Whatever it is, we have to consume it. Promise. Pinky. It's this. No. Hang on. There might be a letter or something that went with it. Oh, there is. There is a letter that went with it. Okay. Shake well and spray in mouth and joy from YouTube channel George's Way. Shout out please. Shout out to George's Way. YouTube channel he sent us in a bottle of... Let's look this kind of mystery. Mystery serum. We have to spray it in our mouth. Dude, I would not. Imagine a hater. I'm pretty sure we fucking promised. Oh, God, I just got myself in the face. I just sprayed myself. Yeah, I'll do, I'll sniff a pad any day. This is rust in it and rust is metal. You guys are scaring me. Dude, I got scared when you... Don't wash yourself. Make sure you don't get any of your eye. Smells like paprika or something. Fucking hell. Put it in your mouth and your eyes. Put it in your mouth and eyes. How do you spell this YouTube channel? George's Way. It doesn't really... Dude, I don't trust this. This is a hater that sent... They want us to die. I can see that happening eventually. It is burning my skin. Some person is like, oh, they're so offensive. It's very, very chilly. So I'm going to kill them. Someone's down this hot sauce. Just put some on your finger and dab it on your tongue. What? Chili sauce? Chili sauce. Hot? Dude, do it. Whoa. Is it really bad? Yeah, it burns. It burns. Oh my God. Instantly. Oh my God. Whoa. Instantly burn. That is chili sauce. I hope. I'm sure asbestos would probably burn too. Oh, dude. It's getting worse. It gets worse. It's getting worse. It's still getting worse now. At least now we have pepper spray for when people try and rape us. It burns my skin from when I sprayed on my neck before. It's getting... It doesn't get better, do you? Oh my God. Dude, imagine spraying the whole thing in your mouth. It's very spicy. Scissors paper rock whoever loses does it. I'm going to go rock. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What did you say? I'm going to go rock. Okay. Scissors paper rock. All right, it's time. I'll do it. All right, he did it. He sprayed into his mouth. It's definitely not... Ah, it's in my eye somehow. We've also been sent this. Stop, stop, stop. No, no, no, that's it. Please, please, please. It's your birthday. Stop. Don't do it. My face is a fuck. Fuck you. Get out. All right. Fuck it. This is life now. Oh, everything's fucked. I can't fucking breathe, can't. I don't need to go. Fuck. I've got glasses on. I don't get it. I don't get it. Life, fucking ever. The simulation fucked up then. It was a glitch. Oh, shit. Oh, no. Oh, it smells like an air spray. Stop. I need a towel. Get it. Hurry up. That's the shitest idea since Vietnam War. Hurry up. Hey, just because you're in pain doesn't mean that manners go out the window, you know. Oh, dude, dude, dude. It's the eye. That's the problem. Yeah, yeah. Just if you're asking someone to do something for you, just make sure you say please and thank them. Oh, fuck off. Hurry up. Matt, where is it? You're losing your respect. You're losing your respect. Oh, you sprayed the fucking thing in it, didn't you? Yep. No, no, please tell me. You promise? Well, I just finished spraying it, so... Fuck off. Please tell me this is safe. Oh, God. I'll do it myself. Fuck it. You got a bit of piss down there. Oh, get it. I don't trust it. I'm sorry. It's so fucked. All right. Next segment has been renamed. Oh, man. That's the worst thing ever. Let's get worse. Renamed to... I'm going to show you what I love. I'm not allowed to bring it down. And this is a segment where we just do a prank call that you guys have sent in about your friends and families. So, yeah, we'll see how we go this week. Mark was in a lot of pain for some reason. Oh, my God. Is your tongue still fire for the duck? My whole mouth is ever open. That is not. This isn't chili sauce. This is pepper spray in a fucking bottle is what it is. That is pepper spray, surely. That is the dumbest thing ever. Is it still fire? Yeah, it must be pepper spray. I fucked up there, dude. I thought you were going to go rock or something. Yeah, I think I did. I changed it. Oh, my God, dude. Yeah, hot sauce. If it was hot sauce, we'd be pouring in our eyes. That's fucking pepper spray, can't it? Fuck, pour that in your eyes. You're fucking dead, can't. It's not getting better, hey? Well, you just go through the fucking... I see an opportunity. I see an opportunity here. Stop! I don't want to get felt. It's your birthday, sorry. Sometimes you're just so rude. Hey, guys, you should ring my mate, Jordan, because on the 14th and 15th of this month, he got told to take two days off by the doctor because he was sick and they told him he needs to get tested so he can get cleared of COVID, but he didn't go and get tested. I don't know what doctors say you might have to pretend you're the police. He's from Cabolcha, so the Cabolcha police station will be best to freak him out. His number is blah, blah, blah. All right, done. We're going to call his cum. So I'm going to pretend to be from Cabolcha police station and say that there are hospital records of him not getting tested. All right, ready? Hello. Hello. Am I speaking with Jordan? Yep. Yeah, good job, mate. It's just Peter Sutton here from the Cabolcha police station. Do you have 10 minutes to just have a quick chat? Yeah. No worries. So we have a report here from a hospital saying that you would use a coming for a corona test and you failed to show. I'm just wondering if there was a reason for that and there's also a medical certificate saying that you're meant to take two weeks off of work. I never actually went through the property like it was a phone call. Yeah, right. So yeah, there is a pretty large fine for refusing to go and get tested. And I didn't know that it was like compulsory. Yeah, well, yeah, mate. Well, it's pretty common knowledge at the moment. If you get asked to go and get tested for corona, that you should definitely go and get tested. There's some pretty huge fines out of the moment, mate. So that's what people have done. That's what we're doing at the moment. All I had was a headache. Yeah, mate. I totally understand. A lot of the people with coronavirus have very mild symptoms, but it's not really about you personally. It's more about the people that you're putting at risk. So if you don't go in and get checked and you run into a 75-year-old on the street, you could kill them. You know what I mean? So that's not fair on the older sort of generation. So yeah, look, it's been what you mentioned last Thursday. It's Tuesday now. Yeah, mate. Look, we're going to have to send out a fine, I'm afraid. If you get told to come in, you sort of have a 48-hour window. And I'm sure that the medical profession would have mentioned that to you. 48 hours ago, we get tested. Yeah, right. Well, did she mention though to go and get tested for corona? Yeah, well, I guess it's just sort of implied at the moment, mate. Yeah, so it is a $1,500 fine at the moment. Oh, you're serious? Yeah, I know, mate. It's, look, look. I don't afford that. My mom's gone for a fucking teen or a three-spurs. Yeah, right. Well, you know, you can just get it on spurs and just do very small payment installments. Or alternatively, yeah, you can just give us like $400, $500 cash. What do you have on you? What's in your wallet at the moment? Oh, really? So you got like $0 cash. All right. Well, what do you got on your cards? Yeah, like your savings? You sure you must have savings or something? Or do you got like $500 or something? Yeah. Well, if you could maybe just pull that out and just bring that to Cabulcha police station and we'll just, because yeah, like we don't want to send out a $1,500 fine, but we've got to sort of prove that we were, you know, that you were, that we did present you with an infringement. And then if you just pay cash, then we can just say, yeah, yeah, he's sweet. Yep. So all I have to do is come down with like $100. Yeah, yeah, just whatever's in your account, just a Cabulcha police station, just pull it out. And, you know, even if it's just $500 or whatever and just bring it in and say, you need to speak to Peter Wrangler, Constable Peter Wrangler, and then I'll just come out and I'll fucking, I'll remember this conversation. Why, this isn't a police station. No, no, it's the Marty and Michael fully actual podcast. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'll figure that out. What the fuck, dad, dude, that's a fucking milk. Oh, man, we pranked you so hard, bro. Man, you were being out of line. Yeah, sorry, dude, we fucking as soon as, as soon as you bloody mentioned your your your mum was it on camera, I just like I couldn't even, I couldn't even go through with any of the jokes. It's horrible, dude. Yeah, of course. Very unprofessional. Yeah, it was quite a very unprofessional policeman. But yeah, dude, thanks for being a part of the call and we wish that your mum gets better. And we wish you all the best, my friends, your mate. Hang on, let me see who it was. Tim sent in your number and a bit of a backstory, so we thought we'd be barking out a bit of a gacha. Hey, dude, we love you. The guy's mom has fucking chemo. Tim, maybe mention that before you get us to prank calling. If you're sending in your friends or family's phone numbers, make sure that their family, they're not going through something traumatic. Okay, because it sort of sucks the fun right out of it. And yeah, we could do another prank call. But you know what, where the get home and have dinner with my mother, and girlfriend and stepdad because it is my birthday. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. Oh,