 I want to share with you guys the prayer that was by far the hardest prayer I've ever prayed. It felt like the worst prayer afterwards, but in looking back it's the best prayer ever. And I probably would not have prayed this prayer knowing exactly how God was going to answer this prayer. When you pray for something, when you ask God for something, when you just plead to God, you really do so hoping that He'll do it the way you want to do it. That He'll solve the problem that'll fix the issue that it'll straighten the mess out that you cause. You really want Him to do it the way you want to do it, which is the reason why you're in trouble because you've been doing things the way you want to do it. And at my worst, when I just cause all these different problems, all these different things, these are problems my own making and there was no way out. And I'm struggling trying to figure out Lord God, I want to stop doing what I'm doing. I need to get out of this. And when I want to stop doing what I'm doing, I think that I should do this to fix the mess that I created. And what I do to fix the mess that I created only brings about more problems because what I do, my solution is also rooted in sin as well. And so I'll never forget this. One day I pulled over, as a matter of fact, this was actually behind our church. There was a group of trees and I pulled over. I drove over there to the back. There was a lot of grass and a lot of trees and I just pulled over there and I just cried and I prayed. Lord, fix this situation. Fix what's happening with my business. Fix what's happening with my ministry. Fix what's happening with my mind. And I'll never forget that prayer. I'll never forget that. And it took me a minute just to kind of get myself together. I drove off and little did I know everything was in the works. How he fixed it, Lord knows, was not the way I wanted it. But it reminds me of what David prayed. And this is kind of how my prayer was too. Remember the prayer in Psalm 51? He said, Have mercy upon me, O God. According to your loving kindness, according to the multitude of your attended mercies. Now David is praying this prayer, knowing full well he's been found out. He knows what's happened that his sin has been recognized. And so look what he says. He says, Blot out my transgressions. So David is concerned about his sin, about his transgression. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions. Of course, that's the king. You need to acknowledge the fact that you have transgressed God. You have sin. Acknowledge that you cannot sugarcoat it. Whatever the issue is, God, would you fix this? And there's a problem right there. It would seem like at the time. He says, For I acknowledge my transgressions and my sin is always before me. What he says against you and you only have I sinned and done this evil in your sight. That you may be found just when you speak and blameless when you judge. And so God is going to judge. And that's what you want. You want God to judge you. But what you really want in God judging you, you want to see how he judges you. And then you want to walk according to his judgment. You want to be in lockstep with God. And so David prays this prayer. Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity and in sin my mother conceived me. Behold, you desire truth in inward parts and in the hidden parts. You will make me to know your wisdom. Here is the part that I really did not like. This is the part that didn't sit well with me. I prayed this prayer. I literally prayed this prayer not thinking what did I just pray because this word doesn't sound good. Just the thought of this word kind of terrified me. And then to see how it was enacted. Yeah. He said purge me with hyssop. I don't know what purge with hyssop looks like. I know what it feels like because certainly there was a purging going on. Purging, it doesn't sound like it feels good. It doesn't sound like it feels good. And guess what? Being purged of sin, being purged does not feel good. He said purge me with hyssop and I shall be clean. Wash me and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me to hear joy and gladness that the bones you have broken may rejoice. And so that's my prayer. Now I didn't know that the bones that he had broken. I didn't know the extent to these bones being broken. I didn't know the full extent. I didn't know that it was going to cost me a lot. I mean cost me my cost me my house, cost me cars, cost me everything, cost me, almost cost my family, cost me my freedom, cost me a good name, cost me so many things. But what I received in return far outweighed the cost. Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquities. Creating me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast or some verse may say a right spirit within me. Notice what it says says, Do not cast me from your presence. Do not take away your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation. So you pray this, pray, Lord, I just want you, I want more of you, cause me to know how I should be. Now in doing so, notice what David also puts in there at the very end of this. He says, Then I will teach transgressors your ways. Well the whole goal, and it's not always been my goal as well, but I wanted to be a vessel where people can hear and see the word of God. But unfortunately the way I was living, you couldn't see anything godly about what I was doing. There was nothing godly, though God was working in me, and I did not appreciate at the time how God was working in me. That was not what I was on, Lord. I didn't want you to do this. I want you to just fix the problem. Fix the problem so I can go back to doing the things the way I wanted to do them. But just from now on, God, can you make sure that what I do works? That's not how it's going to be. The Bible tells us that if you are his son, and this is a good news, if you actually are his son, what will happen? He will chastise you. He will discipline you. And no one at the moment, according to Hebrews 12, no one at the moment thinks that while he's going through it, it's a good thing. But you're crying out to him, Lord, am I there yet? No, you're not there yet. This was the worst prayer that I could have prayed. Not in a sense that didn't help me because it did. The worst prayer in terms of what he's going to take me through. You'd be surprised what you can go through and live. And he drugged me through it. And it's still taking me through a lot of things. But I can tell you this, though. Praying that prayer, if you're honest about Lord delivering you, Lord delivering me from the sin, the mess that I've created, he will do so. But he's not going to do it the way you want him to do it. And that's a good thing because the end result far outseeds what you thought was going to happen in the first place. And you're going to be in a place much different than where you were. But you can look back on it and use what happened. Use what you've gone through to benefit, not just you, not just to encourage you because it does help you for you to look back and see how far God has brought you. But you can also help someone else. And it gives you clarity to see that other people who are going through the same thing, they're not as messed up as you may think they may be. But if they are, you've seen how a messed up person, when they get right with God or God gets a hold of them and works in them, you can see how that messed up person can be made right. And so you can also be a light. You can be a guide to people who are just as messed up as you were. And you can have compassion and you can have them come along. This is what's going to happen. And you can bear with them. You can work with them. And so for me, at the time it was the worst prayer. God, would you fix this? All this that I'm doing, all I'm going to fix this, God, little did I know how he was going to fix it. As a matter of fact, if I had known how he was going to fix it, I probably would not have asked him to fix it like that. But it got so bad to the point where I was even contemplating, Lord, maybe the best thing for me is not to be alive. If something happened to me, at least the insurance money would cover everything and maybe everybody would be better off. But no, God has a better plan. And you can get that far down. Even Paul's say that they despair of life itself. It can get bad sometimes. You can wonder, Lord, why am I still here? Just take me out of this world. Even if what I'm going through is self-inflicted and my wounds were self-inflicted. But still, when you pray and you earnestly desire God to restore, if your prayer is honestly a repentant prayer, if your prayer is honestly a prayer of deliverance, and your prayer is honestly a prayer to be led by him, well, don't be surprised the means that he takes, but be happy that he's the one that's driving and he'll get you ultimately to where he wants you to be. Amen.