 Item number SCP-80-RK-J Object Class of Polyion What could be considered Euclid? Special Containment Procedures Members of SCP-Bork-J are to be held in a life-sized replica of the Taj Mahal, constructed of pure moonbeams in latewood gold. The containment site is to be equipped with at least 3.2 million boutique artisanal chew toys. Alternatively, members of SCP-Bork-J could be housed in a standard animal containment unit. It is to have 30 meals a day consisting solely of the souls of their enemies. Enemies of SCP-Bork-J include, but are not limited to, bashed, people with a negative score on the aura evaluation test, members of the species Homo erectus, and cats. A minimum standard of 3 meals a day of animal-grade kibble could also be acceptable. Personnel subject to being in the same site as members of SCP-Bork-J are to be reclassified as Z-Class until all members of SCP-Bork-J have been transferred. Reclassification to E-Class could be authorized until such time as the definition for Z-Class Personnel is established. A massive pool party is to be thrown with the pool to be entirely filled with $100 notes and staffed by approximately all of the hookers, although a minimum of 0 hookers could be allowed. Personnel attending any such pool party should it exist are to be given class X amnestics, and any personnel leaving with any of the $100 notes from the pool are to be terminated, or could have standard embezzlement disciplinary action filed against them. Any attempts to bring members of SCP-Bork-J into contact with a member of the overseer council is to result in orbital ejection or death. Members of SCP-Bork-J are to have their genitalia ceremoniously eviscerated, as per standard animal spay and neutering procedure, as soon as they are identified by Foundation personnel. Members of SCP-Bork-J are not under any circumstances allowed to breed. Personnel encouraging members of SCP-Bork-J to breed are to be drawn and quartered at the soonest available time, or terminated in any other way if a horse is not available. Description SCP-Bork-J is a breed of the species Canspermiliaris. He is distinguished by its regal-flowing mane that can measure as much as 30 kms on length in brown, beige, or combat coloration, and its cognitohedderous effect on all members of life kind. However, members outside the species' homosapiens could be said to be immune. Any description of any kind described while in the effect of SCP-Bork-J become absolutely disproportionate to something that could be considered remotely near-accurate to any physical universe that does or could be theorized to exist. This effect could have been shown not to manifest in hypothetical statements following the initial descriptions. The range of this effect has been shown to be upwards of several million light-years, although it could be as little as 10 km. Attempts to remove the affected descriptions only serve to anger the thomoturgical entities that control the universe, and cause them to hate all of reality even more than they already do, and bring our inedible end even closer than it already is, or it could result in even more outlandish descriptions than were previously produced. Unsurprisingly, this effect can have absolutely disastrous consequences, resulting in a double omega-k class in the consensus reality scenario let them check, but more often could result minor headaches for Foundation staff.