 If you're looking for an edge of your seat, survival action adventure set to the backdrop of a firestorm, check out Howie Long's Firestorm. If you're looking for a firefighter film with more of a drama mystery element, check out Backdraft. Now, if you've seen those movies and you thought, Adam, there's way too much firefighting in them, or Adam, these characters are too believable in their roles. Or Adam, I prefer my protagonist to look like she just jumped off the page of a maxim, then you should check out those who wish me dead. Because when I was finished with that, I wished I was dead. This film stars Angelina Jolie as a firefighter, I think. She doesn't fight any fires. She's a fire watcher, maybe, a fire participator. She had to have felt more out of place than I did the last time I attended that large fitting shirt convention. Why does a convention like that even exist, and why did I go? These are questions I asked. I had a lot of questions for this movie, too. One, why the title? Those who wish me dead doesn't scream a film about fighting fires, or getting out of a fire, or really anything to do with forest fire management. After finishing the movie, I guess it's actually pretty accurate, because there's very little fire to be found here. No fire hoses to be seen. No real firefighters to be seen, actually, at all. Angelina Jolie doesn't hold a hose. She gets an axe at one point. That's as close as you're gonna get. There's maybe 10 minutes, if I'm being generous, of actual forest fire. The rest of it's just a string of hijinks between these two bad guys, played by Littlefinger from Game of Thrones, and Beast from The X-Men. Not the good Beast, not Kelsey Grammar, the other one. Nicholas Holt is who I'm referring to. He has that cute baby-faced charm that doesn't fit at all for a bad guy. Especially one that has no qualms about murdering a father and his son, which is some of the plot that I understood. I started watching this film at 11 o'clock. I was sleep-watching it for about half of the film. Shut it off and decided to finish it the next day while I was working out. So I was on the TV, I glanced up every once in a while, but there's absolutely no reason to ever watch this movie. We'll just put that on the table pretty early on here. From what I gather, Hannah does something with forest management. She led a team a year earlier, and she lost the lives of three kids under her watch because she didn't understand which way the wind was blowing during a fire. And it caused these kids to die. But as we know, the fire giveth and the fire taketh, and fire works in mysterious ways, so she gets another opportunity to save another young teenage boy. The kid she has tasked herself with protecting is Connor, who recently has stumbled into the woods after a couple of killers have been trying to go after him and his father. They get separated for reasons I won't spoil, because you should definitely watch this movie. And they're really hell-bent on killing this kid, because I don't know. The film sets the stage right away with these two morons, who blow up a house because a dude has some information that he stole from the DA that shows that these guys are crooked and that there's a big conspiracy going on. Listen, the movie doesn't go into any detail. They don't care, so why should I? Basically, two bad dudes. Okay? These guys are bad. We really know they're bad because later on in the film, Tyler Perry shows up for all of three minutes of full-screen time to say that these guys need to do bad stuff. Tyler Perry must have pissed off an executive at Warner Brothers to be held at gunpoint to do this role for three minutes. He looks uncomfortable. He looks like someone was talking into his earpiece, the script, as it was going. It's just, it's just sad. It's just honestly sad, and I felt bad for him. So Hannah Plot with the boy, bad guy Plot going around causing trouble, setting up Wiley E. Coyote traps for people to spring into. Most of the scenes in this film are only about 30 seconds long, and then we jump to another sweeping Lord of the Rings style shot onto the next pointless scene. More forest, fire, forest, Hannah, forest. I'm sleeping. Angelina Jolie is stupidly attractive in this to the point where I just wanted to take out a brush and paint her, especially when you pair her with a bunch of beaten up, ugly-looking firefighters. It's just not a good, it's not a good combo. It's not believable, and she has no character at all. Outside of, she's got a chip on her shoulder about killing a bunch of kids last year. That's fair. It's a fair chip. The only other character trait we discover is she's a beacon for lightning coming down. This stuff loves her. It just can't get enough of her. So the last 30 minutes or so the film is really young Connor and hot Pikachu trying to survive from these two idiots who are tracking him down as a fire has been started and is going to engulf them. Outside of the horrendous script, nothing else is insulting. I mean, the makeup, I guess, is on little finger. That shit is caked on thick. But as far as the effects go, it's fine. The music, I don't know if it exists. Very generic, very stock music. Cinematography's good. Not great. It's there. The tree shots are nice, and you get plenty of those because we had to stretch this to that hour and 40 mark, I guess. This is not a good movie. I don't know who it even would appeal to. If you're like a firefighter bro and you want some fire porn, you're not going to get that. You're not even going to get like the American flag waving fire trucks going by or planes dropping water or salt of the earth guys putting these flames out. None of that's in here. I mean, I guess there's a couple choppers at the end of the movie. That's about it though. You can see much more of that in like back draft though. A much, much better film. The main character from Don of the Dead is in this. He's much older. I recognized him because he still had that like feathery, longish hair. And I just thought, who is that guy? I've seen him. And I realized he was from Don of the Dead, which I watched the weekend prior. So it's just crazy. Man, he's aged. It made me kind of sad. As did the rest of the movie. Sad that I watched it. Sad that I lost an hour and 40 of my life. And really just sad that people like Angelina Jolie exist in the world to make me feel like the ugliest piece of shit on the planet. Don't watch this movie, but thanks for watching the review. I'll see you next time. Hey, congratulations. You made it to the end of the video. If you're not a subscriber yet, I highly encourage you to be. I mean, you made it this far. Why not go all the way? 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