 What's going on you guys? My name is Lloyd and welcome to my YouTube channel the single guy So today we're gonna be talking about a question that one of my viewers had and let me read it for you today It's hey Lloyd. I'm getting very frustrated by how things are going no matter how many times I put myself out there It just doesn't seem to work. I've gone out a bunch of times and can't seem to get women to like me I usually don't get the phone number, but even when I do and it's going well They ghost me I've been on a few dates and even those haven't gone. Well, people always tell me to have abundance mentality But how can I have that when I'm getting denied all the time? I am losing all hope in this and may just have to resign myself to the fact that no women will ever like me any advice Sounds like this guy needs help so let's help him Okay, so in this video basically what I'm gonna be doing is I'm gonna be answering this guy's question I actually have a great clip from a talk that I did in save Francisco last week Which pretty much covered this exact subject because if this guy doesn't learn how to handle those feelings He's probably going to give up, you know When I was working on my social skills and learning how to talk to women and getting better in that area of my life I was kind of clueless and it was hard for me to express myself in that way. I'm a very introverted person and Going through that process if you don't if you don't consistently actually take action and Do certain things to better yourself? You're gonna give up just like this guy thinks he's going to but If he makes these changes He's gonna feel more empowered is less likely that he's gonna give up and much more likely that he's gonna continue on His journey and eventually be successful in because you know I've seen a lot of guys who are successful that do this And I've seen a lot of guys come through that that didn't do these things and because of that they gave up and ended up settling Okay, cool. Yeah, just make sure I'm still in frame. Let me see if this is okay. Cool So yeah, we hear this all the time Cool, so we hear this all the time we hear just believe in yourself have abundance mentality What you need is you need to stop putting the girl in a pedestal as soon as you stop putting the girl on the pedestal You'll be great You need to believe in yourself, okay? People say these all the time and it's like they they think you can just trick your brain doing that mindset hack or whatever To get you confident and it doesn't work and it didn't work for me because your brain's smart Your brain knows you haven't done shit with women And so it's not gonna believe it and you telling yourself actually reinforces your brain to just ignore the things that you're telling it I actually think it does damage to you So the only way to actually have abundance mentality is to prove to your brain that you can do it If you're not confident and you just want to will yourself into confidence. It doesn't work Confidence is from demonstrated performance Your brain needs to see evidence that you've done certain things and can do certain things in the future So the question becomes how do you prove to your brain? How do you prove to yourself? Which is the most important part as a coach? I know that I can tell my student everything in the book to try and get them confident But until they start believing it, they're just gonna ignore everything I say. They'll be oh, that's nice That's nice. That's cool, and they sign off the call always they leave our meeting and nothing changes They're their mindset still the same. So what do you think? How do you how do you think I started to prove to myself that I could actually have confidence that I could actually do this? What do you think I started doing you guys want going out a want to do it a want to do it? I already had that but that was probably the fuel that I think kept me going going out really helped. Yeah Going out really helped, but also what else there's something there's Results yes, that's good Exactly little steps little results at a time. I see there's a lot of people in my program that Have a lot of trouble improving The reason why is because what they do is I just had a meeting with a one of my students today and we had a long talk about this exact subject when they go out and They're expecting to talk to girls You have to go out to be successful So let's say you go out and you talk to a bunch of girls and you know Maybe one of them kind of liked you and you got her phone number and then she didn't text you back Okay That happened to this guy. He actually was talking to a model smoking hot girl, right? Got her number. She kind of like blew him off for a date Okay And he was sad. He was upset about it. He was depressed And we had been doing the coaching for about a month and a half something like that. No, no, no It was been about a month And he was upset about this He didn't want to go out again. I could see he was unmotivated low energy The way he was saying things was very like He was just kind of lost kind of a very big haze And I told him I was like, listen, dude So you're telling me that you're sad about getting a model's number And then almost going out on a date with her when a month ago You told me you hadn't been late in three years and hadn't gotten a single phone number since then It sounds crazy, right? If he's seen that much improvement, why wouldn't he feel empowered? Why wouldn't he feel motivated? I'll tell you why is because in his mind His brain was thinking he was a failure because every time he went out and didn't get laid. He's like I failed I fucked up I didn't do the right thing But in reality, he's talking to girls. He's never talked to in his life He's going to parties that he's never been to he's getting numbers from models, you know He had improved so much, but his brain wouldn't let him see it So the secret here is do slow incremental Improvements and give yourself credit for them realize how far you've come And acknowledge the acknowledges successes Okay, so you have to realize the things basically what happens is if you go out once and you like, okay I didn't get laid. Well, that was a failure. I went out again. Didn't get laid. That was a failure Basically what you're doing is you're killing your momentum You guys know the concept of momentum social momentum and all that stuff super important super important If you if you build up social momentum, you feel more confident you feel more energized you want to go out more Okay, and you want to go out and and take action Okay, the reason why people settle is they give up and they give up because they feel unmotivated And they're just like fuck it. I'll just I'll just settle this girl this girl likes me I can get laid. I'll uh, I'll stick around with her And it's because they're beating down. They have low energy If you have high energy you think oh damn, I'm gonna go out tomorrow. I'm gonna get the best girl that I can I'm gonna have full control over my dating life Okay But the guy who's telling himself he's a failure consistently will lose He will give up He will not be successful and I've seen it happen again and again through my program And the more people tell him these negative stories The more likely they are to fail So the way you tell yourself a positive story is come up with some concrete small goals that you can hit and fucking hit them And they should be easy, you know, literally when I people first start my program Usually I'm like if you can say hi to 10 girls today, man, that's a win. He's like, I don't know if I can do that All right, just make eye contact with 10 girls He's like, all right, I think I can I think I can maybe do that and if he can't do that I'm literally just at 10. I make eye contact with 10 people in general old ladies construction workers It doesn't matter Okay Now the problem with a lot of guys is that they're they think too far in the distance They think about the end result It's like the analogy that I like to think of is like if you wanted to be a basketball player And you were playing against, you know, LeBron James and you were losing every time you're like, I'm a failure. I'm a failure It's like, dude, you literally just started playing. You think you're gonna be in the NBA right away No, you start at the little leagues and then you work your way up That's how everything works. That's how dating works. That's how life works And so when people go out, they have this like long-term result in mind and when they don't hit it They have low energy and they give up So the way you don't let yourself give up is you start doing things that are going to make yourself feel good So you keep doing them Okay, cool. So hopefully you guys like that clip Basically what I was saying in the clip was I was saying that in order for you to build confidence You need to prove to your brain that you can do things Now, if you've never done anything with women, it's going to be very difficult for you to prove to your brain That you can be successful with them. You can go on a date with an attractive woman that you like You can keep a relationship going. Maybe you can date multiple women at the same time If that's what you're into But if you've never done it before, you're probably never ever going to believe that you can do it in the future But what you can do with your brain is you can tell your brain that, hey, I've done other things in the past I've been able to accomplish other goals. I can accomplish this goal too So there are a couple things to this now I mentioned in the talk that you need to come up with small goals But you should also come up with things that make yourself feel good as well too build a little bit of momentum Now the way that you do this is write down things that are going to empower you Write down things that you can do that are going to make you more likely to take another action When guys go up and they keep thinking that oh if I don't get the end result that I'm looking for I'm a failure they eventually give up And so my recommendation for the guy who wrote this question is that are you judging yourself a little too harshly? Are you making some unfair judgments about yourself when in reality? You're probably improving you say you're actually going on dates with girls. That's awesome. That's progress That's something to to be proud of now just because they're not going exactly the way you want and you're not You're not in a relationship or you're not sleeping with women That's okay what you need to focus on are the positives and build up from there because I promise you dude If you keep at this and you continually better yourself, you are going to make it happen You know, I saw this other post on instagram. I think it was Or someone was saying that you know just a baby never gives up just because it can't walk the first time Okay, just because it's just because a baby has never walked before doesn't mean it gives up It keeps trying and it keeps trying it stumbles it crawls It does a bunch of little things right now you're stumbling and crawling and just because you haven't walked yet You feel like a failure But you will in the future trust in the process. Everybody goes through this I went through this everybody who was successful in a relationship or is killing it with women They all did this sort of thing and you should you have to do it too There's there's no other way But you will give up if you don't learn how to control your own emotions and build up positive reinforcement for your confidence If your self-worth is this low This is something that you need to start doing right now and it's super easy to do Anyone can do it and if you do it you're much more likely to be successful So thanks for watching you guys if you made today consider subscribing guys I have a bunch of spots opening up in my mentorship program So fill out the form down below if you want to be a part of that and if your form looks good We'll get back to you. Thanks a lot you guys