 Is this love or narcissistic abuse? I was on TikTok watching some videos. When I found this viral video, it has over 2 million views. And it is titled, If Your Girl Actually Loves You. Before I even get into the content of the video, I would like to comment on this title. And I would like to talk about how it relates to narcissistic abuse. Because if your girl or anyone else really loves you, you're probably not going to need to watch a video like this anyway. You're not even going to be questioning if they actually love you. If you are in a healthy relationship, you will know if they love you. They will tell you that they do. And they will show it with their actions. So you're not going to have any doubt in your mind if they love you. The title of this video reveals that this is for people who are in relationships where they do not know if the other person loves them. One might assume that this is because it's still early in the relationship. So maybe you don't know if they love you or not. But even then, it takes time to love someone. So if you've only been together for a few weeks and you're thinking about love, that's probably not a good sign. People might say that they love each other a few days after they've met. But that's not really love. It's like how people say they love their car. They don't really love the car. They just love how it makes them feel. They love what it does for them. Which is why it's so easy for them to get rid of it and get another one. But judging from the title of this video, I would assume that many of the people who have watched it are annoyingly involved in a relationship with a narcissist. Someone who withholds their validation. Someone who doesn't want you to know where you stand. And that is not love. Now I am going to play the video for you. It's only about 15 seconds long. I'm sure a lot of people have watched this video without thinking about what it's actually describing. But I would like you to really think about what this means for you. After everything that you learned from my videos and videos that are similar to mine. Think about whether or not this sounds like narcissistic abuse to you. Okay, so that was the video. If your girl actually loves you, every little thing you do can make her mad. The reason why this video went viral is probably because it's so relatable. It's relatable for people who have had narcissistic parents where everything they did made their parent mad. They felt like they couldn't do anything right. And maybe they questioned whether or not their parent loved them. This then primed them for abuse later in life. When they got into relationships where they were then questioning whether or not the relationship partner that loves them. But as I said earlier, if you are in a healthy relationship, you wouldn't even need to watch a video like this. You wouldn't be questioning whether or not you were loved because they would tell you often. They would do things that show that they care and they would not be getting mad at every little thing you do. There would be more understanding. A person who gets mad at everything you do is someone who is more concerned with their own interests and needs. It is someone who lacks empathy. Someone who is unable to share your experience. Someone who is unable to put themselves in your shoes. But this video is telling people that it is okay for someone to get mad at every little thing you do. It's saying that this means they love you, which is typically what a narcissist wants you to believe. They want you to think that that anger is an effect of how much they care for you when really it's the result of caring too much for themselves of being too self-centered. Because if they were not so concerned with their own situation, they would be able to care for you without getting angry. Being at the receiving end of someone's anger is not love. It is abuse and it will have a damaging effect on you. Especially if it is done over a long period of time. So please do not confuse anger with thinking that someone cares about you. If they really cared, they wouldn't be so angry. They would think before they say hurtful things to you. They would think about how it might affect you. People who are short fused are not concerned about you. The only thing they're concerned about is their own emotions. The next part of the video says, but don't take it like, oh, she's mad at me for no reason. No, she's showing you emotionally how much she really cares about you. This part of the video really disturbed me. A person's anger is not them showing you emotionally how much they care about you. If they cared about you, they would control their anger. They don't control their anger because they only care about themselves. They're only concerned with their own emotions and they expect you to personalize it as though it has something to do with you as though you are the reason why they get angry over every little thing you do. It's normal for people to get angry sometimes but when they get angry over every little thing you do, when they turn molehills into mountains, that is the sign of a mental disorder and it has more to do with them than it does to do with you. It's something that they need to fix within themselves. This video is telling people that if someone gets angry over every little thing you do, it means that they love you as though it's not something that you should be concerned about as though it's completely normal. When it's not, it's dysfunctional and it is not something that you should tolerate from anyone. You need to realize your worth. You need to love yourself enough to realize that you don't deserve that type of treatment. Respect is more important than love. A person who disrespects you does not love you. A person who loves and respects you is a person who has empathy. It is a person who can share your experience and when a person has empathy, there is a line that they won't cross because they understand how it affects you and they don't want to hurt you but narcissists lack empathy. So they will take that anger out on you and they will try to justify it. They will say that they care about you. They will say that they're trying to help you when really they're just trying to help themselves at your expense. The video finishes with because if she didn't get mad, she doesn't actually love you. This really just promotes toxic relationships as though if someone doesn't get mad, it means that they don't love you. Getting mad has nothing to do with love and it does not mean that they care about you. If they cared about you, they would control their emotions because they would understand the effects that it is having on you. A person who always gets mad is a person who has difficulty managing their emotions and in a toxic relationship, this person will blame their emotions on the other person. They will hold you responsible for how they feel and that's exactly what this video is teaching people to do. It's teaching people that it is okay for someone to damage you with their abusive anger as though that means that they love and care for you. This video is promoting narcissistic abuse and that is why I wanted to share it with you. There are so many viral videos on platforms like YouTube or TikTok where people are promoting this stuff and they're disguising it as something that's romantic or about love or maybe they're not even aware of it themselves. Either way, I hope that this can educate you on the difference between love and narcissistic abuse, the difference between someone who cares about you and someone who is just using you to regulate their emotions. Thank you for watching. I hope this video resonates with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. If you would like to donate, my PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching inquiries, you can email me at coaching.narc-survivor.co.uk. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.