 Hey man, so this morning we're going to use the power of the family integrated church this morning So I'm going to be preaching a sermon that is mainly geared towards the young people From the teenagers to you know just young single adults but of course this is for the parents and adults of and parents of small children as well normally You know I have a whole list of sermons I have a whole list of sermons that you know ideas that I thought about when I was reading or studying the Bible where I'm just like no You know that's a that's a sermon for a pastor to preach and So I have a lot of sermons like that and what do I mean by that? I mean that you know in in with the Bible when it comes to what the Bible says certain Pastors of different independent churches may put certain things into practice in a little different way than other pastors And that's totally fine. That's why churches are independent This is kind of one of those sermons and the only reason that I would preach it now is because I think it's very relevant for our church I think it's fair that you know where I stand on these things as far as Someone going forward who would lead your independent church hopefully, you know in the in the next few months and also This is also a topic that pastor. He meant as and I have talked Extensively about and I know exactly how he feels and we both feel the same way on this topic It's a topic that is of concern to him as a father and a church leader And it's also a concern to me as a father and a church leader So this morning I want to focus first of all down on Proverbs 18 verse 22 But the title of the sermon this morning is two steps to a biblical marriage I want to give you some practical advice this morning if you're a young person that would like to be married some day I want to give you some practical advice on how you should go forward with finding that person that you would end up being married to As far as what the Bible says now Different pastors may have different ways of putting this into practice But I'm sure that a pastor that is following the Bible has the same Ideas and the same theories to get to the same and so I want to give you What the Bible says about it and what that actually looks like in practice this morning? So pay attention, especially if you're someone who's single and would like to be married To someone who's not going to cause you a life of pain and suffering this morning Okay, who wants a life of pain and suffering raise your hand? No hands. Okay. No, you don't okay She's three just for the camera. Okay. All right. Look at Proverbs 18 verse 22. The Bible says in Proverbs 18 22 who so findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favor of the Lord's we want to make sure And that we're doing things the way the Bible says so when we do find a wife or wives do find a husband That is a good thing and it is of the Lord. It's the Lord's will. Okay, so First of all, you ask, you know, why do I care right? Why do I care as your church leader turn to 2nd Timothy chapter? Three, you know, there's going to be a lot of things that are said this morning that especially If you you know were saved in the last few years and maybe churches is a newer thing to you You know some things that I say this morning might seem extreme to you And you know you say why do I care? What gives me the right to be able to say that this is how things should go well? First of all look at 2nd Timothy chapter 3 and verse 16 the Bible says all scripture is given by inspiration of God Not inspiration of me by the way Inspiration of God and it's profitable for doctrine for reproof for correction for instruction in righteousness look the Bible gives me specific Instructions on this go over one chapter to 2nd Timothy chapter 4 in verse number 2 2nd Timothy chapter 4 in verse number 2 the Bible says preach the word be instant in season out of season reproof rebuke Exort with all wrongs suffering and doctrine look if it's in here I am supposed to preach it. I'm supposed to instruct you in it I'm supposed to rebuke you when you need to be rebuked. I'm supposed to exhort you exhort Exort means to strongly encourage you. That's what exhort means So this morning that's the main one that I'm going to be doing so you're saying why are you saying all these things this morning? Because because I'm going to tell you some things this morning And you can leave this church and you can do those things or you cannot do those things But I am strongly encouraging you to do these things this morning. That's what I'm doing. I'm exhorting you this morning That's my job. That's why I'm doing it. That's what I'm supposed to do as the leader of this Ministry this local ministry here. So I mean the Bible says I'm to exhort rebuke instruct. That's what I'm doing All right, so young people listen up. I'm gonna give you two steps to a happy marriage this morning because look anybody can go out and just get married anybody can go out and You know go to Las Vegas or some justice of the peace somewhere and just you know get legally married But I mean you want a biblical Marriage so let's first talk about Spiritual maturity this morning. This isn't we're not into the two steps yet I want to give you a precursor and I want to talk about spiritual maturity in Churches like ours Verity Baptist Church in Sacramento and This church here I can tell you from experience from personally knowing, you know young ladies my wife talking to young ladies that in general Girls are they're wary about who they would marry a Girl who's in the Bible a girl who is spiritually mature is very wary about who she would choose To be a husband and this is smart. Why because we're a church that preaches the Bible. We're a church I mean last Sunday morning. I just preached to all the men about how you need to be a good leader of your family It is the man's responsibility to spiritually lead his wife and his children So look if you're a young lady looking for a husband You're looking for someone who's going to spiritually lead you forever for your whole life now That is something that you need to be very Cautious about you need to be thinking about you know, is this someone that I'm going to follow in general you will find You know ladies that are plugged into a good church that are soul winners that are living a life You know for the Lord that have they have some spiritually mature spiritual maturity to them You will find you will find this you will find this wariness. You will find that they're very Skeptical not skeptical, but they scrutinize who they would consider marrying and that's smart Okay, that is very smart parents should also be picky About who their daughter in this case Marries because of the fact that this person is going to be spiritually leading their daughter You know this person you know you're yoking up with this person to lead you and your children young ladies for the rest of your life Okay, but the problem that I do see is this on the flip side of this you have boys Now you have the boys the girls they're wary. They're listening to the preaching. They know is can this person lead me spiritually? They're looking for more than just a pretty face I mean that's a that that's a sign of a spiritually mature young lady right there Okay, but the boys kind of have this attitude or I've seen this attitude And I don't want to throw a blanket over all the boys here But young men kind of have this attitude like I can marry anybody I want Because you know, I'll just change her to be you know I'll lead her in the right direction and you know, she'll be you know spiritually with me and It doesn't really matter. Well, that's not the case young men turn to 1st Peter chapter 3 Look if you have that attitude young men and you just go and you think that I can just marry whoever I want And I will lead them in the right direction and they'll follow me. No problem You're heading for or you're risking a miserable life You are heading for you know possibly marrying somebody that could hinder you in your spiritual life I mean you could have a spiritual anchor that you're strapping to yourself And then when it comes to children and how the children are going to be raised You know that could be another issue as well. Are you in 1st Peter chapter 3? Men look at verse number 4 young men, but let it be Verse number 3 Now let's just start at verse number 1 Likewise you wise being subjection to your own husbands that if any obey not the word They may also without the word be won by the conversation of the wives While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear This is talking about a spiritually mature woman A spiritually mature life Who's adorning let it not be the outward adorning of plating of the hair and the wearing of gold or putting on of apparel It's not so much what she looks like what she wears what people see on the outside But verse number 4 is the key young men need to pay attention to verse number 4 You should circle this in your Bible But let it be the hidden man of the heart talking about the hidden person that she is on the inside Man meaning person in this case Let it be the hidden man of the heart and that which is not corruptible Even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit Meek and quiet spirit which is in sight of God a great price Man this is the type of person that you're looking for to marry This is the type of woman type of young lady that you're looking for to marry Somebody that's very spiritual and somebody that's not you know overbearing And you know meek and quiet spirit You know overbearing and you know mean and a loud mouth And you know a meek and quiet spirit the Bible says And somebody and the key here is this before we even get into the sermon The key is this the key is the heart The key is that the heart is in the right place So this applies to young ladies and young men When you are looking for someone to marry yet yes We're going to talk about a lot of detail here coming up in the next few minutes But the real trick is where their heart lies Is where their heart is spiritually That is what you need to know before you would decide to marry somebody Turn to 2 Corinthians chapter 6 so what is step one Step one that's all in the point of introduction Okay that just from what I've seen personally This is not everyone's experience but from what I've seen personally The young ladies that are spiritual are very wary of this They're very in tune to this and they should be that's good But young men are a little bit more flippant about it I can marry anybody I'm super spiritual and I'll lead them in the right direction Not the case not the case So step one in finding a biblical person to marry in a biblical Step one on the two step path I'm going to tell you this morning To a biblical marriage is this Find your spiritual equal Turn to 2 Corinthians chapter 6 2 Corinthians chapter 6 Find your spiritual equal 2 Corinthians chapter 6 Look down at verse number 14 Now this is a verse in the Bible that we apply to a lot of different areas in life Okay we apply this all over the place in the Bible We talk about this verse when it comes to separation And how we should live our lives as our families And how the men should lead their families in separating from the world And not getting yoked up with people that are not saved in the world Look at verse 14 let's read it together Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers For what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness And what communion hath light with darkness So turn to Leviticus chapter 21 Leviticus chapter 21 so yes this is talking about yoking up with unbelievers You can even take this as far as saying that a believer should not go into business or a partnership with an unsaved person You can take it to that extreme as well But what I'm talking about is the overall philosophy here That righteousness and unrighteousness there should be there's a difference here Okay and you should find your spiritual equal And I understand that that may be you know just because they're saved Does not mean they're your spiritual equal Okay just because oh they're saved everything's fine That does not mean that they are your spiritual equal Wait spiritual maturity is a big spectrum folks It is a big spectrum look at Leviticus chapter 21 and verse 13 Leviticus chapter 21 and verse 13 The Bible says he shall take a wife in her virginity A widow or a divorced woman or profane or a harlot These shall not he shall not take But he shall take a virgin of his own people to wife This isn't a comment on race here when it says his own people This is a comment on that she is part of you know what did it take to become an Israelite What did it take to become one of God's chosen people Or what it took was that you accepted the God and you practiced you know You know reverence towards that God in your life This is talking about you know someone who is spiritually in line with you Is what it's talking about in Leviticus chapter 21 So second Corinthians chapter 614 can definitely be applied To finding someone who is your spiritual equal to marry So look what I'm talking about is you need to be finding somebody Who wants to live the same spiritual life as you Before you would even consider marrying that person I'm talking about what does that look like I'm talking about someone who's three to thrive Go into church three times a week When the church doors are open they're there I'm talking about someone who's a soul winner I'm talking about someone who you know and look not just these things And I'm not talking about someone who's just going through the motions Because I know plenty of people that go through these motions that I just mentioned That are not spiritual people They're just going through these motions I'm talking about somebody who has the heart for the lost I'm talking about somebody who has the heart to serve in You know serve the Lord with their life Personally, individually Not just walking behind you or walking alongside you They have to have that personal desire to serve the Lord with their life Look not a lot of people have that Not a lot of people have that Not a lot of people want to be part of a church like this That is out there seeking to save the lost Because look you have to actually care about people To do that, your heart And that's why in the passage we just read in 1 Peter That's why it talks about it's the hidden man of the heart That is necessary, that that's right Look you should probably involve your pastor or your pastor's wife In some of these conversations If you're thinking about this Of going down this road with somebody Because maybe there's things that they see That you don't see or whatever I'll give you more on that Why you should be involving your pastor or your pastor's wife Towards the end of the sermon But step one is finding someone who is your spiritual equal That's not a simple thing to do That is not a simple thing to do Step two is this We'll talk more about this in a little bit Say now I found somebody who's my spiritual equal I found somebody who they're in church They're not just going to church But they're part of a church There's a difference there, did you know that? They're not just part of a church Or they're not just going to church But they're part of a church You know the beauty of being The beauty of being part of a church Is you're going to find out who people are You're going to find out who people are Once they decide that you know what We're going to be part of this church You're going to find out where people's heart is And that's what you need to know That's what you need to know I mean you wouldn't want to get married to somebody And find out oh I thought that their heart was here And it was way over here You would not want that That's a lifelong mistake right there Step two is this You found your spiritual equal Step two is having a biblical courtship Before marriage Turn to 1 Corinthians chapter 6 Notice I didn't say dating I don't really like that word Having a biblical courtship Before marriage And I'm going to give you my specific How I think that this goes into practice Which is going to matter for you If you go to church here Because the Bible says certain things That we should avoid certain things That we should look out for certain things We're going to talk about fornication here For a few minutes But this is the danger for young people That are thinking about getting married Is avoiding fornication So I'm going to give you some practical How a biblical courtship should look Practical application of the Bible Fornication, look at 2 Corinthians 1 Corinthians chapter 6 Verse number 18 The Bible says flee fornication Every sin that a man doeth Is without the body But he that committed fornication Sineth against his own body What? Know ye not that your body Is the temple of the Holy Ghost Which is in you Which ye have of God And ye are not your own For ye are bought with a price Therefore glorify God in your body And in your spirit which are God's Fornication, fornication meaning The physical relationship between A man and a woman outside of marriage Fornication is a unique sin In that the Bible says that you are Sinning against your own body in this case It is a wicked sin It should be avoided by every young person Every person who's not married, period Should be avoiding fornication And look, there's only one situation Where physical relations in the Bible Look, it's not that hard There's only one situation Where physical relations are allowed By God, and that is a married man And a married woman together That's it! It's not that hard, you know, human race This is not a complicated, you know, doctrine Well, you say, you know, what about I have someone I'm interested in What about, you know, holding hands Or hugging or something like this Turn to 1 Corinthians chapter 7 You know, what about that? Well, I'm glad you asked Turn to 1 Corinthians chapter 7 One chapter over 1 Corinthians chapter 7 In verse number 1 There's only one allowable situation Where as a man is to even be touching A woman 1 Corinthians chapter 7 Look at verse number 1 Now concerning the things Wherever you wrote unto me It is good for a man not to touch a woman I mean, to not even touch her Paul's talking about being single here Remaining single, remaining unmarried He's like, hey, if a guy could remain unmarried And just focus his life on the ministry This is what he goes into here He's like, kind of, this is my opinion, he says He's like, it'd be good But, you know, look That means you don't touch a woman You know, you don't go into the ministry with Paul And decide you're going to be a single evangelist And then just fornicate for your whole life That's not what he's saying here He says, look, being single Being single and spiritual And following God's law He's like, that'd be great You could really serve the Lord in your life But he acknowledges that most men can't do that But he says, that involves not touching a woman Nevertheless, to avoid fornication Let every man have his own wife And let every woman have her own husband So he's saying, he's equating touching a woman To, you know, at least leading to fornication Which is exactly what's going to happen Okay, and the Bible says In the previous chapter over to flee fornication So if fornication is here I shouldn't be like seeing how close I can get to fornication I should be running in the other direction Because the way it goes is you get right here And pretty soon you're right there You're in it You're in it So in order to touch a woman You should be married to her The Bible says You're like, wow! You're like, wow, that's extreme! Are you saying that I can't even hold hands With my wife before I get married? That's exactly what I'm saying That's exactly what I'm saying Because it will lead to fornication You say, but that's not what everybody else does Well, you know, I call up the three D's Then, okay, you want to do what everybody else does You'll get the same results as everybody else The three D's Disease Divorce And despair Have a nice life And despair is pretty much the whole One's not in front of the other Despair is kind of the whole way Look, I mean, if you want Different results from what you're seeing You must do something different And that's why the Bible seems so different To people If we had a visitor come in here today They would be like, whoa! They'd be like They would be like, this is crazy! What? Not even, not even like Do anything physically before you're married? Yeah! That's what the Bible says That's what the Bible says Now look, I mean, here's the thing We're a former looking church here So let me just kind of take a side parallel path here For a minute And talk to people who maybe didn't hear this You know, biblical preaching You know, until either they were married Or maybe later in life Or maybe even teenagers that have made mistakes You know, you say, I'm just learning this Or I just learned this in the last couple of years And I've made mistakes in my life Well, here's the thing We're a forward looking church We're a forward looking church Why are we a forward looking church? Because the Bible is forward looking The Bible says put your hand to the plow And don't look back Jesus said that But here's the thing People that have made mistakes in the past Let me just give you a little piece of advice here And this is a church culture thing as well You know, I've talked about this in general But let me specifically talk about it here Let's talk about talking about past sins Look, I'm going to give you three reasons here Why you shouldn't talk about past sins Especially this one If you've made mistakes in the past You shouldn't be talking about it here You shouldn't be talking about it Why? Turn to Romans 7 and verse 13 Why? You say, you know, I didn't know I got saved later in life And you know, I just didn't know And I've made some mistakes in this area In my life And you know, I just want to, you know Tell people that I've made mistakes So they don't make mistakes Wrong Wrong Turn to Romans 7 and 13 Romans 7 turned 13 The Bible says Sin that which is good Made death unto me God forbid But sin That it might appear sin Working death in me That which is good That sin And this is the part right here And this is a main goal of my preaching I mean, this is like what I try to do up here When I spend hours and hours and hours Writing sermons and studying the Bible Like part of that goal is right here It's right here So don't undo my goal Look at what it says That sin by the commandment That means by the law That means by the law That means the more you read the Bible The more the Bible has preached to you That sin will just pop out at you And it will become exceedingly sinful If you go around talking about sin And things that you've done in the past And all this kind of stuff I don't care if it's fornication Or whatever else You will make sin less sinful to people Because you know what people will do? People, young people especially They will look and they will say Well, brother so-and-so Brother so-and-so As he stood in the back of the church And told everybody about What a fornicating horror hunger he used to be And then by the grace of God He was saved And he read the Bible And he turned his life around You know what people are going to say? People that are struggling with that sin They're going to sit there And they're going to rationalize that We're rationalizers Did you know that? We like to rationalize Because our flesh wants to sin Our flesh wants to sin So our flesh is sinning there saying Oh yeah, well you know Brother so-and-so Look it, he's a great upstanding church member And I mean, he did it And he's fine That's what will happen To make sin less sinful Look, we're not going to look back here But one reason is We're going to keep sin Exceedingly sinful in this church Okay, we're not going to focus backwards But we want sin to be exceedingly sinful That's the focus of this Bible right here After salvation is to just show you sin So you can get things right Here's another thing it could do Here's another thing it could do Turn past lives into a competition Which is stupid but it happens People in conversations about past sins Maybe it starts out as You know, I've really changed You know, kind of a testimony I mean, have you ever heard these stupid testimonies? We had them at a church we used to go to Not very But these testimony people like I used to be like I used to be this and this And drug addict and prison And whatever else And you're just like They list all these horrible things They've done it You're just like How could I ever look at you the same After you just told me You murdered 17 people You know, or whatever You know, what I'm just saying They just go through this huge testimony Of past sins And it's all to just show Like how much I've changed And how spiritual I am But look, we've even heard this At the door with people This is actually a hindrance To people getting saved actually Which is another reason We shouldn't be doing it Another sign that we shouldn't be doing it You know, somebody You'll come to the door And somebody will tell you How horrible they used to be And they'll just give you You just met them two seconds ago And they give you this Whole huge litany And I'm like man We don't need to know Everything about each other And then they tell you How they got into like It's usually a Pentecostal church And then they just Turned everything around So you're not going to tell me That my Pentecostal church Because I used to do All these things Now I don't do these things Anymore It's actually a huge Stumbling block to Getting people saved Huge With like going through Their past sins It's strange I mean I've met several People like this But it's not going to happen here It's not going to happen here Because really it just turns into This strange bragging contest About who is currently More spiritual Or who used to be worse Either way it's bad Either way it's terrible Not here please Not here And the third reason that Especially in this case You should not ever be talking About past sins You know to Especially in the church Which is really you know What I'm defining here Is because it's disrespectful To your spouse I mean what in the world Are you doing I mean it's disrespectful You know have some respect For your wife Or have some respect For your husband Ladies Or look I don't even know If this has happened here But the point is Don't do it Don't do it Turn to Luke chapter 9 And verse 62 Luke chapter 9 And verse 62 And everybody else Everybody else who says You know what I didn't I didn't know this I didn't have this Preach to me When I was 16 or 17 Or whatever You know this is for you Right here Luke 9.62 And Jesus said unto him No man having put his hand To the plow And looking back Is fit for the kingdom Of God It's under the blood Let's move forward That's all you need to know Looking back Will just hinder your forward Progress in your life It's under the blood Just confess it And move on in your life You don't have to bring it out To everybody Okay Back to courtship Let's talk about A biblical courtship Which is step 2 Towards a biblical marriage First of all The modern concept Let's talk about dating For a minute The modern concept of dating Is not found in the Bible So you say Well everyone just dates now They go out And they're dating Whatever that means I mean I see what it means We see what dating means But turn to Proverbs 18 Proverbs 18-22 Go back there This modern concept of just Dating people And like this casual You date this person for a while Then you date this person for a while And then they annoy you And you date this person for a while Not in the Bible Proverbs 18-22 is what's in the Bible The Bible says Whoso findeth a wife Findeth a good thing And obtaineth favor of the Lord Look This going from person to person Fornicating all along the way I mean It's not in the Bible The Bible talks about finding a wife Is what the Bible talks about You should be thinking about finding Who you are going to marry You know for men This modern dating They're just out there having fun That's what men are out there doing today ladies You know they're taking And look they're taking advantage in many cases Of women who may be looking to get married I can't tell you how many guys That I have heard in the last 20 or 30 years Whether it be at work or whatever That are just That are in a relationship With some girl that wants to get married to them And they go and they tell their buddies And their co-workers I'm never getting married It's common Even if the woman Or the young lady does want to get married Look they're just taking advantage They're just taking advantage This is what feminism has brought Women I mean Men have free access to women Out in the world now Without the bond of marriage Good job feminism I mean Women have been sold this feminist lie today That they can have meaningless relationships With no consequences It's not the case Meaningless physical relationships With no consequences Look remember the 3Ds The disease The divorce and the despair Look those 3Ds are always worse on the women You know that like these diseases Which I've never read so much on them Before I started preaching I have to talk about this though It's a huge problem You know these diseases They're hardest on the women They're destroying the women's bodies They give women cancer in many cases They make it so women can't have children Anymore They destroy Modern feminism is literally destroying women's bodies But they're like Modern feminism teaches you Go out and destroy your body With fornication and disease But then go run a marathon And be healthy It's like what? It's just the dumbest thing It makes no sense You know this modern day dating Going from guy to guy Or girl to girl Full on fornication In every case It's training for divorce Is what it is And especially for women Look we care about women in this church We care about young ladies in this church We care enough to tell them The truth about what the Bible says The truth about what God says And what God wants for your life Not this wicked world with these wicked philosophies It will destroy you emotionally and physically Especially the young ladies Feminism literally disrespects women I mean it is It's the worst thing that has happened to women In the last hundred years Hands down It's turned women into You know just They're just being abused It's turned women into murderers As they tell young ladies Like oh it's nothing And then they kill their own child And then maybe they find out ten years later Oh that was a child Well yeah but it was a child ten years ago When you murdered it Now what's that do for them emotionally Look up studies on that What abortion has done to women To their bodies To their emotional well-being Hollywood has perpetuated this whole thing A popular sitcom A popular sitcom that I used to I think I brought this up once before I'll mention it again That was when I was growing up I was a teenager I was in college Was called Seinfeld I looked up during And it was this funny show And it was funny and nothing ever went wrong And it was just funny funny funny During this show's run The main character had 60 plus girlfriends All fornicating The main female character Had over 30 boyfriends All fornicating But nothing ever goes wrong There's no disease There's no health issues There's no emotional problems It's just all fun and games On TV How well do we know how much TV has influenced people From just the last year This is another case Where TV has just programmed And ruined our society It's crazy No consequences The purpose for dating Let's not call ours dating Let's call ours courtship Let's go back to the main point The main purpose of a biblical courtship Is to find a wife Is to find a spouse That being said You're to marry your spiritual equal Which was step one So should you enter into a courtship With somebody who's not your spiritual equal No You shouldn't even consider it So somebody who's not your spiritual equal Would have to then become your spiritual equal Before you could even think about courting them Two steps here This is not that hard Okay, two steps Step one Find your spiritual equal So you're like, okay Here, I like you You like me Oh, but you're not my spiritual equal You just got saved five seconds ago And you don't even know what church is So we got some work to do here Okay Somebody needs to become your spiritual equal Before you even think about entering into A biblical courtship with them Period Turn to Leviticus chapter 21 Again You should never even consider courting someone That you weren't interested in marrying And you shouldn't be interested in marrying somebody That is not your spiritual equal Unless you want a life of pain and suffering If you want a life of pain and suffering That derails you spiritually Every other day or whatever Have fun Do what you want Go follow what the world is doing Go to the 3Ds Good luck with that I'm sticking to the Bible We're going to preach the Bible here Leviticus 21 He shall take a wife in her virginity Verse 13 A widow or a divorced woman Or profane or in a harlot He take You know what you're saying This is Old Testament You know what this sounds like Profane and harlot I mean this is a loud mouth You know she's using Mad all the time or whatever Look this is the opposite of a meek and quiet spirit It's the same philosophy This is who you should be looking for He shall take a virgin of his own people to wife Once again talking about avoiding fornication So what does it look like? What's a biblical courtship look like? What are the brass tacks? What's the practical application? Here's what it looks like You've all found someone who's your spiritual equal And spiritual equal And you're like Oh we would like to enter into a courtship now Well first of all You know the parents should be involved in this Specifically the father of the young lady Should be involved in this decision And the parents of both should be involved Okay but this is how it looks like Once everyone is agreed and everyone is consenting And look you know the pastor should be involved too Because why? Well I mean because here's the thing Here's why the pastor needs to be involved in this Because number one if it goes the right way And you do the right thing He's going to be the one marrying you And if it goes south He's going to be the one throwing you out of church For fornicating Seriously though He's the one policing the situation And look fornication is going to get you thrown out of church Even if you're fornicating outside We're not talking about This goes outside the walls of the church here If there's somebody that's fornicating They're going to be thrown out of church Look and I've seen people thrown out of church for this Somebody's left our church because of this It's not a fun thing to do but it's going to happen If it goes wrong So here's what a biblical courtship looks like First of all there's no touching There's no hugging There's no holding hands You're like we're courting No There's none of that There's none of that You keep your distance from each other Even look even the teenagers And this isn't courting But even the teenagers back playing games Look there's specific rules To where everyone's supposed to sit And you know the older teenagers They especially know to follow these different rules And look if you're crossing a line here You'll know about it immediately You'll know about it in the first five minutes First time I see it you'll know If you're crossing a line here in this area But courting this all applies Okay I mean look You say can I go to dinner and all this Yes but you know there's going to be chaperones there There should be a chaperone there And I'm not talking about a chaperone Who is your teenage buddy I'm talking about ideally your parents Or responsible adult And I say responsible adult Because a responsible adult Preferably the parents of One of the parties involved The purpose is marriage folks You know and that's another thing In the biblical courtship The purpose is marriage Meaning you're not going to have some You know that's another problem You have dating out there in the world And then you have these meaningless Three year long engagements Which is like the guy saying Okay I'll get you a ring And we'll get married sometime in infinity Everyone's laughing because everyone knows This is a game that men play And women are just like You got her I gave her a ring and got another five years That's not courtship Courtship is for marriage Meaning you know when you start courting You already know that person First of all we'll get to that in a minute But you start courting and the purpose Is within six months to a year Also talk to your pastor about this You should be married That's the purpose of it And that should be the result of it So the goal is marriage It should end in marriage It should not be these two, three year Courtships or whatever That's what the world does It's completely stupid It's stupid and usually it's one person Tricking the other person Is what's happening All the guys are going like this Because they haven't done it They know They know how the world works Look I encourage you again Talk to your pastor He has some say Especially if he's going to perform the wedding Look he will help you decide What part of the one, two path You're on Or if you're even ready to get on that one, two path He will help you decide Or your pastor's wife will help you decide So look I mean that's what I think That's what I think You should find your spiritual equal And you know what it's easy And you all know that it's easy It is easy because guess what Look This is the plan to get you on the path Of a happy marriage for your whole life Which could be the greatest thing That you ever experience on this earth It could be the source The road, the interstate Whatever you want to call To children And to you know Spiritual children A beautiful family and grandchildren Or it could be you know a ruined future marriage And despair And divorce And disease, the three D's It just all came out like three D's I like that But let's talk about this first of all So just to recap you need to find your spiritual equal Okay And you know people can help you with that People can help you with that But I want to talk about one other thing Before we close And we're kind of running short on time But here's This is what my wife and I have coined Baptist dating Even though I don't even like the word dating Okay It's the prequel to courtship And I want to address that Because you're going to see this You're going to see this in the church especially And you know what It's a good purpose for the church It's a great purpose for the church For young people to get to know each other It's great It's a controlled Environment That is tightly controlled by The pastor, by parents By everything And for young people to get to know Who young people are To be looking for that spiritual equal That's what they're looking for You're looking for You know hey Who is an option for me to marry And during that happening Getting to know these teenagers Getting to know each other These young people getting to know each other In the church Look I've said it once and I'll say it again If you're part of a church You're not just going to church We're going to find out who you are And that's what I'm talking about That's what I'm talking about These young people We're going to find out who all the young people are We're going to find out who all the adults are When you become part of a church There's really no hiding things From your brothers and sisters You're just kind of like This is who I am I'm trying to grow And you know we all got issues And all this But look Going to church is not so much like that You're not going to find somebody You're not going to come in You're not going to find some guy That comes in here And after a week Is going to enter into a courtship With one of our young ladies It's not going to happen You say why am I I'm not going to let it happen Well the young lady Themself is not going to let it happen They're more spiritually mature than that So you know You got to find out who people are And it's good It's good that That people in a controlled environment That young people are getting No other young people Okay And then you know You're going to see young people come in And they're going to get sold out And they're going to go Three to thrive And they become soul winners I mean I've seen it It's great You know We find out Where their heart is Is the most important thing Finding out Are they just going through the motions Are they just going through the motions So they can try to marry some person Well that's going to be so obvious It's ridiculous They'll never get away with it Because the church just kind of Flushes all those things out And as you have a church full of sold out people It's really just easy to see That people just aren't sold out It's really easy to see But the benefit is that These people are going to stick out Like a sore thumb You know somebody that is not You know doesn't have their heart In the right place Maybe they just come to church And they're just like You know what I want to You know I like this one person Or whatever It's going to be obvious There's going to be red flags Everywhere We'll find out their personality We'll find out their character We'll find out their work ethic You can't fake it here That's the beauty That's the beauty But just let me give one piece Of advice to young people When you do find somebody Who's your spiritual equal And you visit with them And you're talking with them In the church You know this is the prequel To courtship You know don't forget your friends You know don't forget your friends Don't be like oh You know I'm at a girl And now you just forgot all your friends For the next you know whatever You know don't be that guy Or don't be that girl You know just try to be well rounded You know we teach our kids that too Just try to be well rounded But look It's a good place It's a good place It's the place Where you want to meet The person that you're going to marry It's the place It's the place to find out You know where step one is for you To find out who your spiritual equal is And then to get into a biblical courtship After you know you've gone through All the proper channels And then you know end up in a biblical marriage And that is how it's supposed to work But it all has to work according to plan Not according to how your flesh feels You can't just be like oh you know This person's really good looking And I like them And just head off to stupid town With this person You have to listen to what the Bible is saying here Okay you have to listen to what the Bible is telling you And what you should be looking for in a wife What you should be looking for in a husband Or you're headed down a road of disaster Stupid town will be fun for like 10 minutes And then it's going to be horrible for you So listen to your parents Listen to your spiritual leaders And do things the right way That's what I think Let's bow our heads and have a word of prayer