 Awesome. Okay. So, hey guys, I'm here with Terry Iles. Terry Iles has a PhD in psychology and he's best known as the stress doctor. What he does is he works with Inc. 500 CEOs, top-level athletes, and helps them improve their performance under stress and under pressure. He's an accomplished author with several books. He provided emergency relief during 9-11, during the Haiti earthquakes, and many other events. He's trained over 10,000 fighter pilots during his time in the Army, and regularly appears on CNN, Fox News, and everything in between. Basically, when things go crazy, people go to Terry to get their guidance and to know what to do and how to handle the situation. So, that's why he's here. That's why I'm talking to him, and hopefully this is going to be a very productive discussion. So, thanks for coming on the show, Terry. You're welcome. Thanks for having me. I look forward to the conversation. Beautiful. So, first thing I wanted to start with, I guess it's a very fitting theme to get into the call, because a lot of the people watching are going to be CEOs and business owners. It's just how stressful and how insane it is to be a CEO, especially nowadays. And what happened to me right now, it's a funny story. Like, I was in between meetings, like most CEOs, like you run from thing to thing, you're in a meeting, and then you have to take care of an emergency, and then there's an HR issue, and things just go nuts all the time. And then I had the call coming up while I was like stressed doing things. Had to rush here. The mic didn't work. Had to get that fixed. Then the two-year-old gave me a scratch on the face, and I was like, oh, crap, that's going to show up. So just handling pressure and lots of unknown variables all the time. My question to you is, with your experience working with Inc. 500 CEOs, and again, I'm nowhere near that, is it always like that? Is it that higher-level CEOs, they just learn how to manage it better? Or do they create a style of business where that just doesn't happen as much? How do you usually see these things? Yeah, that's a great question, because anybody in the C-suite space, as we call it, CFO, CEO, CIO, whatever your C is, you're in charge of people, which is leadership, and then things, which is management. So we lead people, we manage things. We don't manage people. We manage things. We lead people. And I think when C-suite people get this kind of training, they realize if they've never had parts of it before that they love pressure. And if you don't love pressure, you're going to exit pretty quickly. So the definition I give is I train professional athletes in all kinds of sports. Racing is my passion, but I train in all kinds of professional and amateur sport. Great athletes love their stress. I mean, they absolutely love it. They just don't use that word. They use another word. It's called competition. The competition and stress or pressure, whatever word you want to use is all the same thing. It is a potential gravitational pull trying to slow us down to getting to our goals and our dreams and our aspirations. So the great ones learn how to become more aerodynamic to get through that around it or over it versus complain about it and slow down and try to stop or control it. Right. I've noticed in my experience as a business owner that what happens is you deal with all this pressure and stress and it's coming always from a different thing, the more your business grows from a different place. And what happens is you kind of learn how to handle that stress properly. You learn how to stay focused, how to get to your goal. And then suddenly it's like you level up, you get to the next level and now your problems are a lot bigger. You have to deal with much more complex issues. And it's like the stress doesn't necessarily get bigger. It's the complexity keeps going up. And I've noticed that there's also, the more your business grows, there's more of a delay between your actions and the reactions and the results. Meaning when you are just starting a business, something happens. You simply react to it and solve it and then the stress goes down. When you're a CEO of a company with 30 or 300 employees, something happens, you can't deal with it directly because it's probably a systematic problem that happens to, you know, across the board. So you have to talk to somebody who's in charge of that and he has to talk to other people. And so there's not that, you never get that instant relief that you would get as a starting business owner where you can directly affect everything. You have to affect things tangentially. And I guess that's something I'm kind of learning how to navigate myself is how do you stay centered when everything has such a delayed effect? When there's a million things that you're not aware of because again, once you're past a certain size, you can't see everything. You can't know everything. There's going to be things that you're missing. How do you handle that? How do you kind of stay sane? Because again, I'm asking at this level, where I want to get to a level that's a thousand times bigger, where I imagine the complexity is a million times bigger. Sure. Yeah, if I'm coaching with you right now and I'm not, we're just having a dialogue, but based upon the scenario you just presented to me, what I would suggest and challenge you with is trust is what has to be built. I love the word trust because the first three letters is true, TRU. And it means you have to be true to yourself and true to those people that you're interacting with. So that authenticity becomes your leadership model and your potential success or failure. So the more truth you can build in with people, that builds a trust, which is a bridge between you and them that when something does go wrong, you can make one phone call, one email, one text and say, hey, I got you. You got me. Tell me what just happened and let's get it corrected. So you're right. As you grow bigger, you can't touch everything, but you have to have that touch through the leaders that you have trained. That's why I do the training part, that they know that when they say something or do something, you've got their back. You see? So if that trust is broken, a lot like a relationship, a marriage, a business, whatever that is, and people start second guessing, that's when things can get catastrophic pretty quickly because if there's a breakdown between, as I call it, communication is the engine oil in your engine of your car. If you take that oil out, you got about 90 seconds of two, two and a half minutes, maybe your engine is going to seize up because of heat. So communication keeps things from heating and expanding and it blowing up. It keeps it lubricated. So you can continue to have dialogue to make things work. So trust at first level is really big. I love the example of race car driving. I mean, I've dealt with 25. I think now at this point, race car drivers in Formula 1, Indy car, NASCAR, sports car. I love cars. I grew up in Indianapolis by the racetrack. I grew up loving cars. But I liken this to the driver in the car driving 230 miles an hour at Indianapolis, as an example. He has an earpiece in both ears that he's listening to his crew chief who's telling him what's happening with the car, with the strategy of the pit stop. He's listening to one of the person who's the spotter up in the stands high in the war that can see everything because he or she can see is about this. That's all you can see. Your head does not turn this way because you're locked in so you don't break your neck. So you literally have almost no vision. You have to trust your crew chief's information. You have to trust the eyes and the voice of your spotter to tell you when you're clearing someone at 230 miles an hour so you don't clip them and hit the wall. That level of trust is my definition of leadership. If you're the CEO, you're the driver. But you have to trust the people that are calling other shots around you in other departments and you have to trust the spotter who's your visionary person who's helping you see what you don't see. That combination becomes a winning formula if you have the right people in places. Absolutely. And yeah, that was definitely a huge problem we've had at the beginning where we would keep statistics very intuitively. You could say like we had some basic weekly breakdowns of what was happening. And then as the company grew, we realized you have to start tracking and measuring things because if you don't, things get out of hand very quickly and you have to run by word of mouth. So how do you put these two pieces back in place where on one hand you want to trust people but on the other hand, you need to see that Russian thing of trust but verify. How do you reconcile these two? Well, that's a great question because the system has to be communication which is the top level. You have to start with communication. If you don't have a clear message and you're not presenting it on a regular basis, people are confused. So vision has to be kept on a regular basis, daily, weekly, monthly, yearly. You have to continue to create and talk about the vision of the organization, the platitudes of what's going to happen. So communication is the first one. The second one is you need something very important that you just mentioned, which is systems. You need to have systems that can help systematize things that are going on that we can miss as human beings because there's just so many moving balls and spinning plates around us. So we need communication. We need systems. The third thing is you need accountability. And so if I put that military terms that's planning a mission, briefing the mission, executing and then debriefing it. So you have to have a system in place because you're right. Things can get out of control very quickly. So it's like accounting, you know, it's checks and balances. You can just keep writing checks and writing checks. Now we don't even do that. You just swipe your card, swipe your card, swipe your card. And all of a sudden you get a nose that says you've just bounced your account, you know. And then you either have to deposit more money or transfer more money. A lot of us seem to function in that kind of haywire. Let's just keep, you know, writing checks and swiping our card until it dings us and then do we correct it? The best way to go about it is to have a check and a balance that you know what's in there before you do it at least with some understanding and then you do it accordingly. So that's the system side. So if you don't have communication systems and accountability, you're going to have problems. Right. And how would you recommend to a business owner who's in a position where let's say his business grew above a certain size and things are hectic. How would you recommend to approach getting things organized? Meaning what would you, what would you start with? How, what would be the plan? Well, I think first of all you start with, you know, the people, you have to have the right people in place. I, you know, it's been commonly said that, you know, there's only so many seats on a bus, but I don't, I just don't want a bunch of people in the bus if they're working with me and around me. I need the right people in the right seats. I don't want the blind person driving the bus. The blind person can do a lot of other things, you know, but I don't want them driving the bus for a lot of obvious reasons because they can't see what they're doing. Okay. So that's your visionary. So you've got to have your visionary kind of driving your bus and that should be the CEO and the president and they can vacillate between the back and forth. So you have to have people in the right seats on your bus to make sure that you have continuity. So the first thing is find and hire the right people because if you don't, you're going to end up in the pits a lot, you know, because things are going to keep breaking down. So I tell us to companies all the time, look, you have to identify and hire the right people. If you have the wrong people, you either have to realign them or you've got to remove them because you'll keep creating the same thing over and over again, still expecting a different result, which is the definition of insanity. You have to get the right people in the right positions and then you support them. So if you have people that are not doing what they're doing, they need training slash coaching, which is part of what I do to get them there. And then if they can't get there, you have to realign them or you have to jettison them because the business is an organization. It's more important than one or two people. It's the overall lifeblood of that operational business that earns money for everyone who works for that organization. Beautiful. And what would you say are the differences between a business that's, let's say, 300 employees versus one that's 30,000 in your experience? You know, it's very similar. You just have to have the right breakpoints of who's in charge of this layer. You know, so you have executive management and you have management and you can have co-executive management and then you have departments and silos and verticals and all these things. So it becomes tentacles all throughout the organization, which is fine, but you have to have the right leaders at the head of each of those levels and organization. So typically what I do coaching on is not so much the silo issue of training and coaching, which is, you know, we're this way, like, you know, vertically set up, but it's more of we're a circle and all of us are around the circle and we feed to the middle. And the middle is this, this centrifugal force, which is the lifeblood of that business. So if I need access, let's say I'm two or three levels around, but I need access to you as the, as the owner of the company. I need that deal directly to you, but I need to know if something goes on, I can get to you by making a phone call or an email to the person that I report to. So I need the access to get to you because if you're at the centrifugal force and I can't get to you at some point, things could go wrong that you can't correct for the next six or eight months. So if you've got 30 people or 30,000 people, there has to be those breakpoints where the communication again is open, the systems are clear and the accountability is relevant that we can know that I got your back, you got my back. And that's where we started this conversation is you have to have trust in yourself and your people and stay true north to your business focus to be profitable. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, yeah, I mean, for me, it's, it's, it's been like a wacky journey because my, my business essentially had two employees when it started 10 months ago and now it has about 30. And that, that quick jump really forced me and my partner to, to understand how to communicate properly and how to structure the business. And, and at the beginning we thought, you know, let's just hire people to like assistance to get things done. And we realized like past this one point you have to get high quality people. You have to get brains that, that can take charge of things. And we really found that out when we hired one specific employee and she was so amazing that she ended up taking over about half of the business in terms of management. Like suddenly things just happened automatically. It almost felt like, you know, when you're a kid and your mom kind of does the laundry for you or makes dinner for you and you're like, it just magically appears. Yeah, so that's, that's how it felt. But still there's, there's a lot of, there's a lot of what I consider like good stress and bad stress. So, so you said earlier that people who are high performance they love the stress. But, but I would actually challenge you. Do they love all kinds of stress or do they love specific kinds of stress? Meaning that high performer, let's say they have a game they need to practice for tomorrow. And then, and then they get a letter coming in saying, you know, your mom, your mother is sick or, or, you know, there's a huge loss who just came in. That's a different kind of stress than absolute. Oh my God, I'm going to show up in front of 80,000 people and I have to perform well. That's correct. How do you, how do you deal with the two kinds of stresses? Yeah, there's different levels of stress. You know, there's acute stress, which is something like you just mentioned. Someone just got a phone call and something catastrophic happened in their family. That's acute stress, that situational it's explosive and you have to put a tourniquet on it. You know, you can't just keep walking around while you're bleeding out emotionally. Those are emergency situations you put a tourniquet on. But performance stress is different because you know you have an opportunity to perform and you prepare and train accordingly to perform when it's time to do that. But acute stress is always around us. I could be driving where I want to go and somebody cuts me off in traffic and you know, it makes me crazy and then all of a sudden my emotions get hijacked and I'm, you know, whatever. I could get into an accident. I'm following people to wherever they're going and I'm going the wrong way because I've been hijacked emotionally, as I say. So that acute stress is always there. It's not that you love the acute stress. It's that you love that you know that you can navigate if you use the same principles that you do on your performance stress. I actually have a coin that I use with all my people and you said I challenge you. You just asked me, I challenge you. So it's actually called a challenge coin. So there it is. It's a driven guy hanging off a cliff but he's not freaking out because he's climbing the cliff. He prepared. Okay, so it says good stress and then challenge but when you flip the coin over, it's now a threat and there's a storm. So that's bad stress. So here's the difference. I give this to performers I work with and it's a reminder to them whether it's on their desk like mine. I have coins around mine for military service. Coin is a reminder to me that I am a flip of a coin away from a bad day and a good day from a bad meeting and a good meeting from a from a bad scenario of acute something to something that I'm taking care of. It is really that simple if you know how to flip the coin. In other words, you cannot fight cortisol in our bodies. You know, that's a stress hormone. It's a cataclysmic events. It takes about 20 to 30 seconds. Your heart rate changes. Your blood flow changes. Your thoughts. Everything becomes linear and shortened. Thoughts, beliefs, emotions, physical acuity, muscles, tendons, oxygenation, everything shortened. So when everything gets short under, that's bad stress because we need to be linear in that point of performance and elongated. We need long, loose muscles, long, loose thoughts, long, loose emotional acuity. So cortisol is a stress hormone when it's hijacked inside of us. Everything shortens because it's fight flight. So I either run away from it because I'm in danger and it, but if I have training like fire rescue operatives, FBI, you know, military personnel, they run into harm's way because they've been trained to know that if they can take care of it quicker it makes everything better. That's why training is so important for all of us in life and business and marriage and child rearing. It's all the same training is the differentiator between success long for and success procured. Okay, good, good. And let's say as an entrepreneur and I bet most of the people listening to this kind of relate to what I'm going to say now, you're a high achiever. You're a person who wants to do something big. That means you handle problems on a day to day level like lots of stuff coming at you. Obviously the better the more successful you are the more things will come at you. So throughout the day you navigate through different kind of stress the good stress and the bad stress. How do you actually navigate successfully through those in the sense that how do you like as an entrepreneur? Again, because that is where the confusion is you're a salesperson you need to sell marketing person you need to market HR you need to do hiring like there's very much specificity when you're an entrepreneur you're a bit of everything. So it's you never know exactly where your place is which means you combine doing just the regular day to day stuff the habits the complicated things the things that require a lot of brain power you have to combine all of them and throughout that through that chaos you have to somehow navigate from let's say stress inducing situation because something happened and you need to deal with it immediately like for example I just got a call from an employee and I said okay I'm not going to pick it up to be on the to stay focused but then in the back of my mind I'm like oh did something happen is something wrong and I know I've got other people that can take care of it but at the same time it's still there I want to know what it is. So that's a very good example. You know you want to I want to be here and do this but then this comes up so how do you how do you never navigate through that storm where things are calm and you're focused and then suddenly something comes up and now your cortisol went up and now you have to go back to focusing on something that requires brain power but then there's something you need to take care of that's important for next week but then as an entrepreneur you also want to look at next year and the big vision so how do you how do you balance all of these forces that are always wanting your attention and and kind of pushing you in all sorts of directions. Yeah, it's a great question because we are pulled in so many directions now especially because of technology I mean I write about this and my last book I was writing about you know techno stress and how that we've entered another age over the past decade that none of us have really gone through and we're we're figuring it out as we go. You have a two-year-old you hand a computer or a phone to your two-year-old I mean he or she'll figure it out hack it and give it back to you. It's almost like they're they're born with a chip because they grew up playing with it where many of us grew up kind of understanding parts of it but not the way they do with this generation that's just now coming on. So techno stress has been around for 30 years actually and we've studied it from machine learning to machine activations how does that impact us whether it's light sensitivity sensitivity on our bodies whether it's molecular things that's going on in our environment there's a lot of techno stress that's out there but with technology that we know i.e. pads, phones, computers, emails, texts, phone calls like you just said you're doing a podcast with me you get a text or an email and you're like okay somebody will handle that but in the back of your head you're thinking but what if they need me so here's the key look we can all be down in that level that we think we have to take care of everything but listen being in the now staying in the now which is one of the most profound things that great performers do they know how to stay in the now they see things around there in their peripheral vision they know there's things going on behind the stage in the scene and but they got to stay in the now because this is what we're doing at this moment but the best way to do that throughout the day which was your challenge to me which is how do you go from planning for five years to taking care of something right now in HR to being creative it's recovery we need oscillatory recovery all day our body and our minds are functioning like our heart and our brain our EKG and EEG looks like this all day hopefully it's bam up down stress recovery stress recovery that's what it looks like a screen like this on an EKG or EEG is a really bad day okay you're flatlined okay that means there's no oscillation or there's no movement here's what we do in corporate America in most cases we tend to work like this we don't take breaks we don't take correct breaks and we don't so when you go like this you mean at the at the peak flatline flatline okay you say in your chair too long you go without eating too long you don't know how to break focus to recharge your batteries because focus needs to be broken and we know it's about 90 to 120 minutes so just let's just say it's about two hours two and a half hours we need to oscillate because that's the way we're wired we're wired for success program for failure okay so we just do what everybody else doesn't think that'll work it's not the way it works our wiring and our DNA is recovery you have a two year old you remember it's only been two years I've got grown kids so two year old you know that when they're infants they basically only do three things they eat they sleep and they export diapers that's it that's their whole life you know and it's done about every two three hours they're constantly eating if they're not eating they're sleeping if they're not eating you're sleeping they're changing their diet because it woke them up okay because they're eating so often and sleeping so often that is our DNA we're meant to recover on a regular basis every 90 to 120 minute we need a quick recovery break two to five minutes that's it two to five 90 minutes on two to five minutes off it could be as simple as getting up from my chair after this the podcast go to the restroom go get a glass of water take a few minutes think about okay what's my next thing next hour and come back set it recharges my batteries you can only be as good as your recovery and I commonly say to people I'm the copy of my book the cover is performance under pressure the only way you can elite perform is this you will never out train your training in other words you've got to do it better than you plan to do it and you do it on a regular basis so you'll never outperform your training number one number two performance real performance human performance mental emotional spiritual physical performance is measured in the speed of recovery how quickly can you get pulled off focus and get back that's mental recovery how quickly can you be emotionally hijacked and get back to normal that's emotional recovery how quickly can you get pulled off I don't know if I believe in this anymore for this system that our economy the business that's spiritual recovery physical recovery is your energy levels how quickly can you lose energy by being stagnant and get your energy back that you can perform that is physical recovery and we know that by doing EKG's and EEG's on people and in medical facilities so the key is oscillation the power of the pit stop in racing is to refuel retire go back out mock two with your hair on fire don't slow down go drive the wheels off of it but you got to come in and change the tires and you need to be refueled about every 90 to 120 minutes because if you don't pit stop you can't finish the race beautiful beautiful so so that's so that's a huge paradigm shift because that's what you're saying is you're not going to be as good as you perform you're going to be as good as you rest between that's correct performances and you mentioned a bunch of types of recoveries which will get to in a moment but before that I wanted to ask the obvious question so when you recover you mean without your phone right well yeah I mean you could if you if you go to recovery and then you open your phone and then things come up you know oh there's a message and somebody needs me to yeah that's not recovery that's not recovery you just you just transition one stress to another but you could use your phone to recover you could use your phone and call home and talk to your wife or your daughter or your son or you know yeah I meant in the consumption sense not in the well you have to you know what this is the beauty of having power over our own capacities but from our mind body you have to know how to just zoom it down you know it's like our mind is constantly doing this you got to zoom it down zoom it down zoom it down so I use my phone as task you know I can call someone I can text I can email recovery going to the bathroom going to get water that's not recovery I just oscillated one stress for the other you literally now if you could play a game on your phone or if you listen to some comedy it makes you laugh or okay that's recovery so technology is not the enemy yeah the information overload that is the negative part of that stress becomes the enemy and that's what flat lines us and that's why we die on the vine and performance are and they they hit a ceiling and they're like I can't go faster I don't know how to do more with less I don't and that's where I'd normally come in and go look you have to have a paradigm shift as you just said it's not about pushing harder it's about chilling through the day in small morgels picking up energy and vitality and creativity all day that at the end of your day not only did you rock it you've got energy and motivation to go home to do it with the people you love the most your family beautiful what about guilt what so I I for example I I I used to be a huge video gamer played video games every day for like eight hours a day till age 16 I stopped cold like just completely doing that as as I was pursuing my success and only recently in the past few months I kind of got back to it a bit and I use it occasionally as a recovery tool meaning I have a a call that I don't need to be fully focused in I'll just pop up the video game while I'm on the call and post me kind of chill out or but but if I'm not on a call doing that one hour of playing a video game for example or if I'm not doing something productive immediately and you probably know that very well because you coach so many people what comes up is a guilt comes in right I have so much things to get done I need to get to this why are you not focused on this and and as a matter of fact like even my wife might like come in and let's say I would sneak that that not even an hour like 20 minutes of just opening a video game there I would feel guilty like I'm not doing I'm doing something wrong I should not be doing this I should be working right and my wife might come like walk through the door and she see me like you're not working you're you're doing this instead of instead of helping with the baby or instead of you know finishing the day earlier because you worked harder so so then I don't even rest because it's like the the guilt kind of hurts the rest all the time here's what you said is so powerful because this is what I do in corporate America you know I mean I tell him you have to change your conversation at first and we just had this conversation so you have to change the conversation first off the one between your own ears that recovery is healing all right it's like sleeping it's like eating it's like going to the bathroom it's like hydrating it's like breathing clean air it's like sunshine you know for a vitamin D melatonin reuptake inhibitors which is natural prosack you know you you have to change the mindset that my recovery whether it's a video game whether it's looking out the window whether it's close in my eyes as if I'm going to take a short nap just to not think about anything you have to let yourself off the hook and you mentioned another interesting word guilt what you're describing is not guilt what you're describing is shame shame is when you've done nothing wrong and you feel guilty guilt is when you fill guilty because you've done something wrong okay so you've got to flip that coin that it's not about guilt it's shame I'm putting that pressure on myself and now I've created my recovery and now I've turned it into bad stress for me that you might as well just go back to doing what you're doing exactly and let yourself off the hook to learn how to recover and know that recovery is the performance is measured in that speed of recovery you're only as good as your pit stop so when you can a do that yourself and then communicate that in your example with your wife your child your co-workers that when you catch them in recovery understand they're in recovery that's cool because I'm going to get more out of you in the next 90 minutes because you're going to come up with the next idea you're going to push the envelope we're going to become more profitable I'm going to let you have your recovery because right that is the key to performance success so you have to start the conversation number one with ourselves and then you have to communicate with others in your environment so they all know that if I catch you in recovery that means the next great thing is ready to happen so this this is actually leading I think this is beautiful I'm sharing here more than I thought I would so okay man it's so for example where this comes comes back negatively for me is I would then see my wife on her phone resting because she's also a hard worker or my partner would send me a picture of him in the hot tub because he lives in a right beautiful mansion in Colombia and I would almost feel mad when I see like it's like it's this it's basically the flip side of shame only externalized like if I'm not supposed to be resting how how are you resting and and it's almost like it's just people two people like reinforcing like I'm imagining in my head like two people that really need sleep and when when one of them finding falls asleep the other one like bumps them in the head like wake up well and that's that's the paradigm shift when you understand that look I can recover from other people's recovery if I allow myself to okay somebody else could be having a great time I'm I'm working hard at this moment I'm doing what I do but I know that somebody else's I could look out my window here and see that someone's lying out there just chilling but I'm in here talking with you and staying focused and doing what I do it's not my job to hate on that person I look at that and go I'm glad I live in a place where you can do that where it doesn't snow you know I live in South Florida you know there's a blizzard up north if you haven't heard you know and I live here and it's like all trees blowing in the window you see it's all about how do you wrap that perception that challenge threat response which is what I call that how do you take that threat of your business partner in a hot tub and make that your challenge which is thank God I've got a business partner they can do that but when you're not busy send me some more capital you know what I'm saying and you turn it into humor you turn it into something that works for the both of you because when you're in stress I could be in recovery when I'm in stress you could be in recovery it even gets more dynamic I mean I write about this in the book your stress could be my recovery believe it or not and my recovery could be your stress I've got I got a neighbor that lives next door to me okay he loves his lawn I mean he is in love with his lawn I mean he manicures he mows and he's out there tweaking and and I watch him and it's like that's cool not my thing I hire people to come do my lawn because that's stress to me I don't want to go out there when it's 80 degrees and do my lawn that's stress to him it's recovery okay but then he'll see me go running in the morning in 90 degree temperature you could you you couldn't chase him with a gun he wouldn't he wouldn't run so my my recovery is his stress yeah so here's the cool part Ravi this is really this is a very powerful thing to understand everything is stress it's gravity where can you go on this planet where there's not gravity yeah you have to leave our atmosphere so stress is gravity there's good gravity bad gravity now you either cooperate with it or it deals with you so you teach your two year old if you're going to jump off that table you better prepare for landing so I teach people how to land okay so you can enjoy the excitement of the jumping it only lasts for a moment but then you're going to hit okay so we have to prepare for our landing which is recovery how am I going to recover after I jump off this building do I jump in water did I use a bungee cord so it's all about recovery it's all about our landing and knowing what the end results going to be so it's very powerful to know that I can control that between the space in my head which is the mental section of the book how do I mentally control my thoughts my focus my aptitude of creativity all that is fed through recovery because that's where we get our energy from nice so yeah you literally just flipped the the paradigm completely but the coin baby it's that simple that's why I use it and people when they get that they'll call me back or they'll text me and go you know what that coin I thought it was kind of weird and you know they go and I have them do exercises when I do training like this I do zumanars and I do training with companies mainly executive management groups like we'll have 15 or 20 people like you're talking about the executive team of a company and I'll have them do exercise and I'll say mark down three things that are driving you nuts right now at work that are huge threats it could be COVID the economy the uncertainty of the election it could be what is 22 going to be I don't care whatever write down three things and they write them down I say okay that's your threat right yep that's my threats drive me crazy I want you to draw a line in your head or on your paper or on your computer and I want you to solve that I want you to do the diabolical opposite of that I want you to create a solution for that threat and then they go and they think and they think and they put a solution and I go all you have to do is it's a or it's B and then just flip the coin it is really that simple we make it complicated because we think it's more complicated than it is because we get folks we love negativity it's just how we're wired we love gossip we love negative that's why the housewives of Mars all these cities and states that have housewife shows you know all this reality TV is normally like a negative based or some of this positive but people love negativity because it makes them feel better about their inadequacies and that's a psychological piece but when you can realize that it's not the negativity we transition negative to positive there's no bad emotion as an example that's in the emotional section of the book there's no bad emotion there's positive emotions there's negative emotion they're either high or low positive or negative it's like a battery you have a positive post and you have a negative post you your battery won't work if you eliminate either one of them it's called polarity you need both to work together but if you touch them together it arcs it becomes bad okay so they have to be anchored on the negativity side which gives it a ground and then they did a positive flow of energy to put the energy into that battery or into that business or whatever that is so your business has positive aspects it has negative the negative is the grounding you can't get away from it keep it isolated in its own place insulate it and then isolate it to where it needs to be but then the positive side is go out and do do do do do if it starts arcing that means that there's been some rubbing again and your cables and you've lost connection and it's arcing so now instead of it flowing down to the ground for negativity and a cross flow for positivity they're arcing so now my signal is crossing that's called bad communication bad systems no accountability you gotta go back and reconnect man you gotta keep the negative over here positive over here utilize the positive keep the negative grounded because you can't work with one or the other you need both you just have to contain them beautiful beautiful thank you so much Terry you're welcome really good where can people find that coin? it's on my website actually terryliles t-e-r-r-y-l-y-l-e-s dot com and my book is there performance under pressure you know this is my fourth book it's the best work I've done I'm so proud of it because it took me almost two years to do it because of a lot of issues you know just trying to get it done and find time like you're talking about how do you find time to sit out and write when I'm traveling and chasing all these other things so I would write on planes and I would write in the middle of the night I suppose like birthing an elephant it takes 24 months for an elephant to birth so this is my elephant I got it done but performance under pressure you know one of the the guy that wrote the forward for me he's a retired two-star general from the Air Force Robert Orly I've got some great quotes great people in there that have shared their stories about what they've done in stress and how they've survived it so yeah everything at terryliles.com and look forward to reconnecting and helping any way that I possibly can for you as well but the coin for sure is it's a very powerful thing so even if you just put an email through and say hey send me a coin you know I'll send it to you and we'll figure it out beautiful beautiful do you have an audiobook version of performance under pressure? I do not as a reading audio but I produced a video synopsis of every chapter there's 12 chapters so that's that's available as well so nice that's a downloadable piece that you can just download and listen to a synopsis of each chapter and it's really more like the author's version which says here's what inspired that chapter here's what I was thinking about here was my mindset here was my potential resolution you know to that chapter and it was really fun to do and it's a video so it and it's video clips that are short you can send them out to friends you go look you're stressing me out man you need recovery watch this you know and remember you got to keep all this fun that's the exciting part you know life is about keeping things simple I have a grown I'll end with this with you I have a grown special needs son who is in a wheelchair he's never spoken he's never walked he's about 65 pounds and like I said he's he's wheelchair bound he's still diaper and fed as an infant and he has been the motivational challenge in my life because that could have been the most threatening thing that ever happened to me and it took me three years to figure out how to flip that coin and after I'd learned to flip that coin it became the driving force of my life to do everything I do it drove me to finish school with a PhD it drives me in corporate America it drives me with professional athletes he has opened more doors for me and never spoken a word and then never done anything on his own because his life is so big inside of me and that's the inspirational section of the book what inspires you is what propels you to be who you are so regardless of what you have in your life don't run from it stop identify evaluate embrace it work on it and just move to the future man and make that a part of your success so I never want to stop until I say a shout out to my son Brandon who literally has given me the understanding of the life that I have and it's a very powerful thing in my world because we all have junk in our life most of us try to hide it put it away not deal with it you can't live life like that you got to go in open those dark doors go in unpack it try to figure it out and live with it flip the coin flip the coin man over and and sometimes I got to do it over and over and over on the same thing every day we put him in a home facility here in South Florida during COVID at the beginning of COVID and we haven't seen him since because we can't get in you know so we did what was best for him but it's become a threat to to us because we can't even get back in and see and but it was best for him so I had to make that my challenge versus my threat because it's his best challenge so if there's a constant protocol that we all have to follow and it's sanity and we create that sanity by our belief systems and understanding of how do we make the world a better place regardless of how it works for me I want to make sure it works for everybody and that I can benefit from as well then it's a bonus beautiful beautiful I think I think it's time for you to reach a mass audience as Terry I think the message is definitely helpful for top performers but I think the the rest of the world just needs to hear that so I'll I'll do my best to help you push that message out to thank you and I'll push this link out as well and I have a seminar that's coming up to the general population actually I've only I don't do many of these but I'm doing one in January January 9th it's on the website my wife is a nutritional physiologist she's she was on Broadway she's a performer a dancer singer she's going to take the body side of the of the challenge that day and I'm going to do the mindset and we're going to parlay it together so it's January 9th it'll be a really fun couple three hours we have a cocktail party at the end all virtual obviously the zoom in are the zoom in are yeah baby it's a fun time people get the network and hang out and party a little bit and learn some cool things so January 9th it's on the website as well so if people go there sign up beautiful get me send me the link I'll put at the bottom of the video definitely will amazing Terry thank you so much thank you Robbie appreciate it me too