 I want to talk about the dynamic of coming to resent our own needs and how changing this perspective can lead to a huge degree of health and positive change in our life. We believe ourselves to be too needy and it's such hard work taking care of all these needs that we have within ourselves. This is the the art really of self-parenting you know it's meeting our needs and there's that process of finding out what the hell are my needs even if I do want to start meeting them and find a balance between them and because that process is so tricky it is an art form and an art form takes dedication and practice to master because that's true we can start to develop this sort of attitude and you know it comes from our childhood too where it's like maybe I'd be better off without all these needs these needs are more trouble than they're worth because I'm just living with constant resentment and disappointment from not having these needs met and that's such a tragedy because the thing about needs you know having needs doesn't make you needy having needs makes you alive needs are the very thing that connect you to life without needs we're not human and it's it's to feel alive is to have needs to express needs to be open about needs to meet needs that's what the the name of the game is now I have a book it's a free book on my website and it's called forget happiness and I really would invite you to check it out it's basically it offers my model for how to self parent which is how to look at the needs we have inside ourselves and go about meeting them and finding a balance between them one of the things in the book is changing this attitude of I that having these needs as competing needs I'm given some of my time and energy to this need and these other needs are kind of resentful towards this need we want to start moving towards a model or a perspective where we're seeing that each to each need I meet is actually complementary and helpful to all other needs all of these needs that I'm working on meeting are on the same page they're all connected all the needs are serving my life my my joy so no matter that it does take time and energy to meet needs but when you're meeting one need it's not that you're taking time and energy away from other needs necessarily they're all contributing in the same direction the other approach we take unfortunately is that we see these needs as competing and they start to get resentment towards one another but that doesn't make sense maybe this will help the the model I use in the book forget happiness is there's five essential needs that we have this is outside of relationships by the way that's a separate matter I'm just talking about you as an individual person but the needs are one need that we're usually very aware of is the need for responsibility or the need to take care of things that are kind of maybe things that we don't really enjoy you know that is a part of life and addressing that and being able to take care of that is important however most of us get too fixated on that and it is the loudest need of all and we overlook the other needs very briefly these other needs are meaning purpose creativity physical help the need to reflect and finally the need to be lazy or spontaneous I have found that once we you know as an individual person outside of our relationships if we focus on meeting those five needs we're doing a pretty good job of self-apparenting okay but really today's video is about seeing those needs not as making you needy or as a liability they are the things that will connect you to life and if those needs are repressed or they're ignored or denied or not meant which is one of the reasons we go numb in life when met needs but if we have that attitude towards them it's a real tragedy because again it is what makes life worth living having these needs so I guess what I'm saying in today's video guys is drop the the word needy from your vocabulary if you want to use it embrace it see it as one of the I'm really needy I'm very very needy constantly needy 24 hours a day because we want to start to see the needs that we have as you know I put it this way these needs are not going away and I think I mentioned that in the book you got you got two options what your needs you either meet them or you repress them you meet them or you repress them and I would suggest meeting them it is an art form it's a skill set to meet these needs it's a skill of self-parenting but you can you can master it most of the time we uh it's because we don't understand these competing needs and they are the default is that they're set as opposing each other rather than um being in cooperation with each other towards a unified goal of helping the individual but um I hope there's food for thought there throw that word needy out it belongs in the garbage it's not helpful and um check out that book if you haven't already I really I've used it a lot um in my own life as well as with with clients I have found it kind of simplifies the whole and demystifies the process of self-parenting and will help you meet those needs that are just so important to me thanks for being with me as always guys I really appreciate it um if you can uh like this video it helps me with the algorithm it helped me to reach more people and if you haven't already if you could subscribe that would be a big help too thanks guys and I'll talk to you next time bye bye