 Uh oh. What am I supposed to see? We're live. It says we're live, but it doesn't show us anything. Oh, I think it's working. I think it's working. It's working. All right. Cool. So hello everyone. Matthew Coast here with Helena Hart. Say hi, Helena. Hi, everybody. Hey. Can I share my Facebook page? I'm going to share it with you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know how to share it? I'll figure it out. Okay. Yeah, there's a button. There's a link on the bottom right hand side of the streaming page. You can share it if you want to share it. And if you're watching and you want to share it, that's cool. You should share it for sure because it's awesome. And we're trying to help people out here. So the topic for today is how to make a guy fall in love with you. I know that this is kind of a surprise. We do surprise live streams, which is probably the worst way to do a live stream. You should probably do live streams like, you know, like planned, not live. I think that's probably better. So yeah, let's talk a little bit about, you know, how men fall in love and, you know, what makes a man fall in love. And I think there's a lot of kind of confusion around this for sure. There's a lot of frustration out there about men not falling in love. And, you know, if you're struggling with a guy and you're not really sure what's going on, there's kind of different phases. And the first thing that I want to talk about is kind of the difference between lust and love, right? So lust is like this thing that it's like this infatuation. It's like this attraction. Usually it's a physical attraction that you have with a guy. And a lot of people kind of confuse that with love, right? And so they will have, you can have lust for a really long period of time. And it's confused people into getting married to each other, even though it's a really bad idea to get married over lust. And actually I think just the idea of marriage, or sorry, just the idea of being in love isn't the best reason for marriage either. I think you should think about other things as well. Now I'm like preaching to, you know, to people over here. But, you know, the difference between lust and love is lust is a very superficial physical connection that you have with somebody. Usually it's, you know, butterflies in the stomach. You're feeling like, you know, you're really excited about somebody. But love is deeper, you know. It's knowing it's, a lot of people kind of like to talk about it in this like spiritual type connection type of thing, right? So you're like in love with somebody. It's like, you know, you're in love with their soul. You know, you know them deeply and you love who they are. You love their imperfections. And when a guy's in love, particularly, you'll notice that he will love things about you that normally you're like embarrassed about, things that you're scared of. Whereas lust, lust breaks really quickly and really easily. So if you're in lust with somebody, or if a man is in lust with you, it's very easy to kind of break that connection that he has with you. It's very easy for him to want to leave and go somewhere else or do something else or find somebody else. Whereas if he's in love, it's like, it's like you're the only person in the world. You know, it's like, he just is like, you know, it's like you. You know, when he sees other women, it's like, man, who cares? You know, other women that he might have been interested in before is are no longer interested. He's no longer interested in because they pale in comparison to you. You know, it's something deep is really what I'm saying. Is there anything you wanted to add to that, Helena? I love that. No, I love everything you're saying. I was just looking at the chat, the questions and so they're coming through. Oh, are people talking? Feel free to let us know. Help me. They also run from love because they don't understand the feeling. Yes. Okay. So if you guys have questions, type them in. We have about 30 minutes. So any, you know, situation around this that we would love to help you out. No, I love everything you were saying and just the, um, there's so much. I just have so much to say about this topic. You know, a lot of times women come to us and they want some kind of like strategy, you know what I mean? Like some kind of strategy or tactic or way to make a man fall in love. You know what I mean? Does that make sense the way I'm explaining that? Yeah. Yeah. I'm just curious what you're going to say next. I'm trying to think of how to word it. You know, I don't, I don't have anything planned for this. It was like off the top of my head. I would say that like mental strategies, like don't really work when it comes to men and relationships, not in any kind of like permanent lasting way where we really end up feeling secure and loved in the relationship. Um, they just kind of keep us up in our head. You know, like an example would be like playing hard to get, pretending that you're busy so that, you know, to keep a guy interested, all those like superficial strategies to try to make a man interested or make him fall in love kind of just keep us up in our heads, which is in our masculine energy. And they just kind of add to this whole stuck feeling where we want something and we're not getting it, you know, they, and it keeps us from dropping down into our feminine energy or dropping down into like the basics of love and romance. So what we're all about is not the superficial strategies or techniques, but how to, you know, really inspire that love and devotion from a man in a way that's like permanent and lasting. Just like you were saying that doesn't like burn out after the first couple of weeks or months, you know? Yeah, absolutely. And, um, yeah, you know, it's interesting to always hear things from like a woman's perspective because from a guy like from me, from my nerdy guy perspective, I'm always like, I'm like, okay, you know, like I do have some tactics. I do have some things that I want you to do. But, you know, and again, when I say that, um, I'm saying it from this place of being a guy, you know, and being a guy, um, when I think about like connecting with somebody, um, you know, and maybe it's not just but being a guy, but also being an introvert and being super logical and being, you know, a lot of different things that I am as, you know, the type of guy that I am. Um, you know, I think about these different things. So, um, let's move into, uh, so, so yeah, uh, you know, um, I am her said, uh, you know, a lot of men kind of run from the feeling of love and that's true. Um, you know, and, and, and the reason that that happens is because there's a lot of pain, right? There's, there's a lot of guys that have felt pain from being in love, you know, I've felt pain from being in love. You know, my first, the first girl that I ever fell in love with, I wanted to, you know, get married to her and, you know, have kids with her and live happily ever after with her. And she, you know, cheated on me with like seven different dudes, you know, like it was it was a pretty heartbreaking experience, uh, that I had with her, you know, and, and I think most people that I talked to have had some heartbreak in their lives and, um, you know, there's a lot of people that kind of choose, uh, to run from love or to move towards love. And I think that there's, uh, ways to create a, um, kind of an environment for a man so that instead of feeling, looking at you and feeling love and being like, oh my God, I want to get run, you know, you can create kind of an environment that makes him, you know, feel it, kind of get that, you know, like, oh my God, you know, like, I, I know where this leads to type of feeling that he might have and then end up moving forward instead of like, um, you know, pulling back and, um, and, and running away from you and trying to stay away from you. Yeah, that's great. Let's talk about that. Somebody just typed in a question. I'm just reading them from my phone. She said, um, how do you nurture a man's pain from childhood, broken home, irresponsible dad, et cetera? How do you balance the nurturing and encourage love sort of along the lines of what we were talking about? You know, most of us have had painful situations in relationships. I know I definitely had or from childhood, you know, we've all had things we wish hadn't happened. We've all been hurt or like given ourselves completely to people and ended up totally heartbroken. So, I mean, what would you say? I'm sure she wants to hear a man's perspective on that. How do you nurture a man's pain from childhood? Yeah, well, I think that there's, there's a couple things around this, you know, and there's, uh, you know, there's kind of this perspective of like, okay, I want to make him, um, you know, feel safe and make him kind of do this work that he needs to do in order to feel safe and in order to fall in love. And, um, to to a certain extent, you can, right? You can encourage it. You can make him feel that way. Um, we're kind of talking about this the other day, uh, during one of our last live streams where, you know, you create a safe space for a man, you know, and, you know, for some reason there's a bunch of women out there that think that, you know, if you create safe spaces for men, then all of a sudden, you know, they're going to become beta males. But that's absolutely not true, right? For, um, a man in a relationship, right? You want him to move towards you. And if you're like, you know, like pounding on him, like you need to do this and shaming him and stuff, he's going to pull away from you during times of being vulnerable because he doesn't want you to hurt him. You know, and if you create a space where he feels safe, you know, a space where he can feel loved, you know, a space where he can feel unconditional acceptance where he's not afraid that you're going to, you know, make fun of him. They, you know, there's a lot of women out there that, you know, if as a guy, if I come up and hang out with her and I say anything remotely vulnerable at all to her, she'll like call me, you know, a pansy or something like that, you know, like make fun of me. And like from a guy's perspective, you know, I mean, that can be fun, you know, like this bantering, you know, making fun of each other. But it also kind of like puts that woman in a category of like, I can't be, I can't be really vulnerable around this woman, you know, because you know, I mean, if I am, she's going to take advantage of that and, you know, hurt that and hurt me in that space. And so, um, uh, yeah, I do think that, you know, you can create an environment, you're like making a lot of noise over there. I'm sorry, my light just turned off so I'm trying to turn it back on because it's pretty dark in here. Yeah, so, so, you know, you can definitely create an environment for a man to come into where he feels safe, right? He feels open to, you know, get into that depth that we were just talking about of, you know, that that's absolutely necessary for him to really fall in love, you know, and to really open himself up. You know, this idea of love is this space where um, you know, a guy is like, you know, trying to jump all in and just, you know, give himself, you know, a place where he can talk about anything, a place where he feel, he feels like he can be vulnerable, like he can, he can talk about his pains and his wounds, right? And if you are, you know, in your interactions together are, you know, making fun of him or being sarcastic or, you know, putting him down or any of those things which are actually very masculine behaviors, um, he's not going to feel safe. He's not going to feel like he can do that around you and it's going to limit his ability to open up to you like that. Yeah, I totally agree. I totally agree. I mean, there's just so many great comments coming in. There's a lot of running from love going on in this new generation. Someone says, yes, I've been going through that with a guy for like one year now. So, yeah, definitely. And I always say like the acceptance of a guy sees you always like judging yourself and being really hard on yourself. A lot of times I found they, they won't feel safe to open up even on like a subconscious level because it's like, you know, he needs to see that you can handle yourself and your own feelings and feel safe within yourself before he's ever going to truly believe that you can handle his feelings. That's something I always say. But yeah, I think men need that safety. I always say men need two things to fall in love. They need safety. And they need mystery. They need to feel like it's like exciting and thrilling to be with you. And a lot of women are already providing that side of it. Like they're just by being a woman and by being in your feminine energy. A lot of times you're already naturally kind of mysterious and exciting to a man, but a lot of women need help with that safety part, you know, making a man feel safe to open up and safe to come towards you because you know, men don't have a lot of that in their lives. They know like, we women can, we have girlfriends and big like social networks sometimes and we can open up and talk endlessly to lots of different people in our lives. A lot of men don't have that. So if you're like that one person in his life that he feels he can open up to and bounce ideas off of and confide in, it's like you're going to be that one woman that he doesn't want to live without or lose out of his life, you know. Yeah, I want to, you know, just speak to that for a second, just real quick. You know, that is 100% true. Some people don't have that at all in their entire lives. You know, some guys don't have anybody. You know, they can't talk to their mom openly or vulnerably. They can't talk to their friends openly or vulnerably. I used to run this organization when I was in college it was called Project You and it's like this personal growth organization where you, you know, like learn about developing yourself and people came in there and they were really just like you know what I mean, like it was a place where people could just open up and I can't tell you how many guys would come to me crying, you know, and just be like man, I've never been able to talk about these things to anyone before in my entire life. Thank you so much for providing an environment where I can come in and talk about this kind of thing, you know. And so, yeah, I mean I was out with my partner not too long ago with this guy and it was funny talking to him. He was like me and a couple other guys and this woman was there as well and like the guy that I was hanging out with was like making fun of the dude across from us and he's like, yeah, you know like he came over and the other day he was like, oh, you know it's really so great to know you and you know like all this other stuff. I thought he was going to try to have sex with me after that, you know. You know what I mean? You're just like like this is what guys are doing, you know what I mean? Like there's kind of like this weird, there's a lot of weird stuff around emotions with guys and there's a lot of guys that can't open up to anybody and yeah, so yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you can be that one person that he opens up to and wants to. I know we talked about two live streams ago and one of our, one of the ones from last week he comes towards like he's pulling towards you because he's pulling away from something else rather than feeling like he has to pull away from you and take space from you. It's a really powerful thing if like you were that safe space for him that he just wants to come closer and closer because he feels so good every time he's with you. He doesn't feel like he's going to be judged or made fun of or like you're going to take everything personally. Yeah, and so the other thing that I wanted to talk about in terms of this because we were being asked about you know, if a guy how to create, you know, like how to encourage a guy to do this, right? Like we can sit here and talk about how it needs to be done all we want to but how do you encourage a guy to do this, right? And so I think one of the ways you know, the best way in my opinion to encourage a guy to do this is to be in your heart. You know, is to be in your feminine and is to is to be open. You know, like there's a lot of women out there that close their hearts off as well and you know, everywhere you know, regardless of what's going on and you know, I think that you know, if we're going to talk from like kind of a practical standpoint, you can open up to a guy and it might feel awkward for you to do it. Oh, man but I'm just, man, still I'm just going to be talking from a guy's perspective here. Elena, did you want to talk about a little bit about kind of connecting to your heart as a woman and yeah, I think as women a lot of times we have to go first and we just we just do a lot of times we are the more conscious of what's going on in the relationship or potential relationship just we are deeper than men in a lot of ways generally speaking we have to open up first because a lot of men are afraid to do that or they don't want to do or they don't know how to do that so if we can do that first and open up and express ourselves not coming from a place of like expectation or trying to make something happen but just really expressing how we feel or what's going on with us that opens the door for a man to feel more comfortable doing that as well. If you can learn how to do that correctly in a way that brings him closer rather than like pushes him away you'll see that he will start to open up more to you and that's when you can kind of show him that you have all the acceptance in the world for him that's how you create that heart to heart connection that's kind of like the overview yeah for sure cool so I think we've kind of talked a lot about that whole kind of area I'd like to talk a little bit about another kind of thing involved with a man falling in love and it's something that I think is talked a lot less about and I think it's as important and it's a topic of value right and you know being somebody that he looks at as a valuable kind of human being somebody that is valuable to his life right the more valuable that a man perceives you to be the more he will feel like excited about you right so and there's kind of a whole bunch there's a big array of what that really means you know like value it's kind of like this heady thing that you know I came up with it's like so for instance one of the ways to be really really valuable to a man is like what we're just talking about like being being in your feminine you know and and it's not necessarily like just being in your feminine but being in your feminine to the extent that he's in his masculine right because we live in this world where there's a lot of feminine dudes out there these days but you know being in your feminine and being a compliment to him you know is is incredibly valuable to a man and I think a lot of women don't realize how valuable it is because as a woman so what one of the things that happens in dating and relationships is that we tend to want to do to others or show others things that make them like interested in us right there's kind of two different ways one is kind of doing things to other people that we like right that's that's a big one that I see a lot of women doing that I think is kind of a bad idea in some ways right so for instance like if a woman like really values a guy who has a great job and you know has all these this list of like really great things that he's done in his life a lot of women will like go into a date or into a relationship and they'll like try to like talk about all these impressive things that she's done you know into a guy it's like oh cool you know what I mean like I found this woman that's smart and successful and you know all these things but from an attraction standpoint and from a you know like opening himself up to fall in love with a woman standpoint that does not create that kind of draw to him right what does create that draw to him is a woman who's in her feminine you know as Helena was talking about a minute ago she was talking about like having that mystery right like the most mysterious thing that like because mystery mystery is a great thing for creating attraction and creating that draw and creating that you know desire in a man and like being in your feminine is the most mysterious thing in the world to most men right like and see a feminine woman and they're like like what is going on over there you know I mean it's like you know there's like this kind of like excitement and like you know like you know like this woman is like really awesome and if he experiences enough of that he will fall in love with it right like if a man is around a feminine energy for long enough I have a good friend of mine actually is a dude well he used to be a good friend of mine we don't talk a whole lot anymore but he like when back when I used to hang out with him he was like he was like Mr. Player dude you know he's like out at bars all the time you know like meeting these girls and he's always like hooking up with these new girls and stuff and and he always went for women that were very specific it was like this blonde like super skinny like you know I mean like whatever type of woman and he's been in this relationship now for about three years with this woman that is nothing of any of his types right and it's so funny to see it because it's like you know like part of it's like this anomaly right because it's like you know how often do you see something like that but like this woman that he's with is like she's not skinny at all you know she's not blonde and she's none of the things that he like would normally go for but she is incredibly feminine you know and when you talk to him about it he's like he's like I don't know what it is about her it's just you know like I just every time I see her I just want to like I don't know just grab her and like hold on to her and just make love to her you know and it's just it's funny you know like it's interesting and it explains kind of like this thing that guys experience when they you know see or like are around this feminine energy thing so I love that I love hearing that so that's like just everything I always say yeah doesn't necessarily you know matter if you're a guy's like typical type or not it's like the feminine energy thing is like so powerful that it's just like just totally magnetic it's I love that we're getting some really good questions you want me to read some of them sure okay let's see let's go up um what about a man's pain who has been cheated on by his ex he's opened up about it but he still has the knife in his back I would be curious to hear what you have to say about that one that's a great question here's a question Matt please go ahead and answer it um yeah so a guy who's so you know we were talking before and I guess we have to go back to what we were talking about before I kind of love the value idea around love and attraction but let's talk about this idea of um yeah a man opening up um so so like like we were talking about before you know you can encourage a guy you can create a safe space for a guy um you can do a lot of things for a guy um but at the same time the guy has to move forward right and there's a lot of things that you can do from a tactical and technique standpoint from a verbal standpoint things you can say to kind of encourage him to uh you know look at you differently and be willing to open up even though he wasn't willing before um but there's also the kind of this thing where he has to take that step right he has to be willing to do it um and uh so man I oh god should I say this um so so well it kind of depends right like so as a woman there's um you know you've got kind of this uh you know like limit right because if you go and it depends on how your relationship is right so if you're in a relationship with a guy and you're like this is a great relationship things are moving forward um you know everything is going great uh you know I just kind of want things to be deeper um you know the question is should you even do anything about it right um you know I don't know um if you feel like you're settling and you're in a space of settling um I don't think that kind of trying to do something to kind of force him to open up in that way is necessarily um all that beneficial uh from uh but if you feel like you are settling and you feel like you know this kind of going the way that you want it to go and um you feel like he's not really moving in the direction that you want him to go into um you know there are things that you can do to open him up um but they're kind of uh uh you know I don't know they can be painful you know like because if a guy is in pain from his ex who really hurt him a lot um that means that anytime you talk about anything around that topic it's going to be painful for him you know and so um do I want to talk about this or not um it it uh you know what I'm not going to go there I'm not going to go there um I'm not going to talk about it because I don't think that it's going to be beneficial um is there anything that you wanted to say about it Helena? you know all you can so if you're not going to go there and talk about it re-open up that pain like all you can really do is um be in the moment where you know create a connection with him in every moment you're with him rather than going back and encouraging him to like dig out the past you know why not just work on creating that heart to heart connection between the two of you right now and if he's capable of um getting over that and it's funny I just created a video like an hour ago on what to do if um if a guy wants a relationship and he's scared and that was one of the one of the points is that you know he has weird relationship baggage it fits right into that so um that should be coming out in a few weeks maybe that'll be helpful but um creating a safe space for him right now with you rather than um talking about it talk you know going back and encouraging him to like you know dig up those painful memories and try to convince him logically that you'll somehow be different um maybe going a different route and just creating um that connection with him in every moment you're with him and and see if he's even capable or willing to get into a new relationship if I don't know what the situation is if you're with him or if you're not if you want to be with him but you can't because of this I'm not exactly sure of the details yeah it's it's hard to say you know and uh you know the reason I'm kind of hesitant to talk about what you know I'm thinking is because um you can go into like super manipulative kind of land and um you know if you're not doing it the right way um and you're not doing it from a good space and um you know he's not your relationships not in the right space for it it can be really harmful and so um you know there's there's ways to talk to him uh like to encourage him for instance we talked before about this this idea of of saying things that are attractive right um like saying things are attractive um I think we talked about that in one of our livestreams and it's like you know if a man opens up to you in any way right and you want him to open up to you more right you can like show him gratitude for opening up to you in the first place you know uh show him um like be uh you know tell him it's attractive tell him like you know like it makes you feel closer to him tell him it makes you feel uh like he's more attractive whenever he does that kind of thing right that's like the super like like that is like the super lowest level of being manipulative in this situation as possible I don't think that's being manipulative even just saying like you know thank you for sharing I feel so honored that you you know that you share this with me I don't think that's manipulative yeah I you know like there's there's a lot of things out there that are kind of borderline manipulative and so I just kind of like I don't know I hate going into it because it's like you know what I mean like because even just that you know just saying that can be uh you can use that in an evil way you know you can use that to hurt a man you can use that to trick a man um and uh you know if you change the way that you use it and so I'm very very hesitant sometimes to talk about that kind of stuff but I can tell just but you get a certain look when you don't want to talk about something because you're afraid it's manipulative and I totally knew that that was what it was um okay someone said that's a great point oh thank you I love you too you guys are so sweet Karen says I love that story about the skinny blonde type wow so awesome I love that um someone else asked what do you do if your man's angry and doesn't want to talk to you um if he doesn't want to talk to you don't force him to talk to you right now I would give him some space let him cool off um and then see if he comes back towards you on his own don't the more you try to like force it out of him and get him to talk to you when he doesn't want to talk to you the more he's going to pull further and further away right and the more he's just going to get angrier and angrier like there's a thing that a lot of women do when they feel kind of disconnected where they uh will like get on a guy and be like what's going on with you talk to me you know the dude's like oh my god get away from me I just need some space you know and and it's kind of this disconnect thing that a lot of uh like men and women have um and uh you know if you're trying to like jump on a guy when he um is like angry and needs a space like um like for real like and I'm just saying this like in the most uh honest up front way possible like if a guy is angry you know and he's trying to distance himself from you like um he may even be trying to protect you right then you know like because if he's angry and he's just like you know I mean like I you know I mean I'm filled with rage right like guys are you know we can be all kinds of mean bad people things right and if you're like uh you know coming closer to him and he needs some space give him some space for the love of god you know it's like you know he he he's doing that um uh for a number of reasons one because it's it's more difficult I think for a lot of guys to kind of manage emotions like it's really hard to manage a lot of emotion when you're a guy um and you know and and he might even be doing that he might even be kind of pushing you away because um because uh he doesn't feel like uh you can be around him when he's like that you know if you can just like there's this thing that I talk about it which is just like hanging out with a guy right not talking to him not bothering him not doing anything with him just leaving him alone but being there with him at the same time right and that's a very powerful thing that a woman can do to kind of bond and connect with a man is just be there with him without touching him without talking to him um you know I if you're a guy and you're hanging like as a guy if I am with a woman that I really like and we're hanging out together um and like we hang out for an hour and we don't even talk or do anything I feel more connected to her you know it's like this it's just I don't know like what she feels but I feel connected to her yeah it's the best feeling we I mean we women can we can go like talk to our girlfriends forever and you know get all the details about everything that's going on and that's how we feel connected a lot of times but men just like you said feel connected when you're just hanging out and you're silent so when a woman's like comfortable with the silence that's like really um like a really powerful attractive thing I've found um these are great comments what um what if he tells you he's working some stuff out should you text him to say hi or don't text or call until he reaches out what would you say about that one well I think it depends you know I think it depends on him you know you can try contacting him if you do it in the right way I don't think it'll be a bad thing um yeah similar question how does a girl reach out to a guy who's shy without stepping into the masculine energy kind of a similar it's a similar theme well there there's kind of this thing that women do which is kind of like an invitation thing um and it's it's uh you know there's like reaching out and connecting in a masculine way and there's reaching out and connecting in a feminine way you know and and the masculine way is like hey we need to talk you know like let's chat let's hang out let's you know like like talk to me you know what I mean like that's a masculine way of doing things right whereas a feminine way is like um kind of like this question kind of like this um opening space kind of like this invitation you know um and it's that's attractive right the masculine way of doing things like you need to talk to me you need to you know hang out with me you need to do all these things that's the not attractive way that's the masculine not attractive way so hey did you uh do you need to go I have like um an extra 10 minutes I got an extra 10 minutes because this is really fun I want to make sure we get to everybody okay is that okay is that good yeah no no did you want to speak to that at all yes yeah so for these two people I'm trying not to like say names in case people don't want their names on here but for the two like should I reach out um ask yourself if you know see if you have an expectation attached to it if you were to just like send a quick text and you didn't hear back or you didn't get the response you were hoping for if you're going to be totally devastated if that's going to ruin your whole day or make you feel super disappointed don't do it just give him a little space and see what he does you know give it a few days give it a week and just see what happens but if you have no attachment to the outcome if you're like you know I'm just going to reach out and you know just just say hi something like really simple um we have a whole we have a whole playlist of you know text messages right we have a bunch of videos like on what to how to text a guy those will like be really helpful for you if you are more than what we can like have time to describe right now but um if you can do that and not have any uh attachment to the outcome or result of that then just try it you know try it once if you don't get you know if he doesn't respond then let it go just wait and see what happens if you're not if you don't have this like huge expectation attached to it if you're not trying to make something happen then you can kind of do anything almost when you're coming from that place most of us are not at that place especially if a guy's pulled away or we're feeling really anxious and we're trying to like reconnect the relationship or like recapture that that bond um a lot of times we have these attachments to the outcome and it and a man can pick that up in our energy and that will keep him at existence a lot of times yeah absolutely already gone away so hopefully that was helpful yeah i mean we i could sit here and talk about expectations all day long because i really i think that expectations are kind of like one of the biggest barriers for most women between uh them and having the relationship that they want because there's like this um um it's it's you know it's pure masculine energy um and it's not a good kind like it's like putting this thing on top of the uh relationship where it's like you know things have to go my way you know and it's just uh i don't even want to call it masculine energy because i think it's kind of toxic no matter what um uh what side it's on is it's really like uh painful um you know for a guy when a woman comes to him and she's like uh she has an expectation around the way that she communicates with him um he knows it immediately right and sometimes it's not a big deal you know um if he's in a good space it's not a big deal you know if if you know you come up to him and you ask him a baiting question right and he knows that it's a baiting question you know like the the old like how do i look in this dress question right um it's a bait question you know what i mean or or if uh you know she says something about um uh whatever and she's trying to get some kind of response from him you know like a very specific response you know it's it to a man it's like it's kind of gross you know it's like uh you know like why are you doing that to me you know if he's in a really really good space um it can be fine because he'll be like oh yeah and he'll just say what you need to hear and he'll be like yeah whatever i don't you know i mean whatever you know but if you're if he's kind of like there's something going on with them at all you know and he starts feeling that kind of expectation where he knows that you're trying to get him to act a certain way trying to change his behavior trying to get him to stop hanging out with his friends start you know try to getting getting him to you know start saying very specific things to you um it can it can kind of trigger him um in a really bad way and make him uh you know do things that you don't want him to do um a lot so yeah yes absolutely so she said thanks for answering my question so hey how's your new job going isn't masculine hey how's your new job going could she text him that are you asking me yeah this is the Helena thing to do i'm gonna read a comment on here and then ask Matt what he thinks about it um yeah you know you you can ask him that you know you can ask him um i mean i you know uh yeah i mean i don't see anything wrong with asking him that um you know if i'm like uh if i'm in a um if i'm in a space where i feel kind of like a recluse and somebody asks me about me you know i'm a lot more inclined to like respond to that right um then like if somebody sent me a text and i'm kind of in this reclusive space and uh they're trying to get me to do something you know um then i'm gonna be like uh you know like because there's there's kind of this energy um there's this energy thing that men have right where it's like you know i i think that one of the we were watching a video the other day um about like um a matthew hussey video we were watching this matthew hussey video about uh uh what was it micro efforts yeah um you know effort really does is is a really really valuable thing in a relationship and it tells you a lot you know like if a guy's putting effort into things you know and when a guy goes into a reclusive space um that effort thing gets used up in these other areas right and so um like trying to make him put effort in uh can be really a uh like um uh kind of an unattractive thing for him to experience with you um you know i mean but if but if you're like talking about uh talking about him you know he's he's going to you know and he's kind of in this space you know like um i think he's a lot more going he's more likely to open up than if you put some kind of expectation into this uh text message that you send him trying to get him to do something or act a certain way or respond to you in a certain way or do something um and so um that's exactly right yeah just ask yourself what am i who is this that's asking this um caren ask yourself what am i hoping will happen before you send that you can answer that really strongly well i'm really hoping he'll get connected with me and we'll start a conversation then it's a big clue you have an agenda if your answer to that what am i hoping will happen is nothing i just want to reach out i have zero expectation zero attachment to the result or the outcome then you're fine you can do anything that's i think that's a great thing to ask yourself before you do anything towards towards the guy um these are all comments oh my gosh um they're so sweet and amazing hey something just happened to your uh something just happened what happened um i think i think there's like an echo or something's going on in your uh computer or something oh really is it still happening yeah it's really bad okay well i have to go anyway so all right so uh hey can you like hit mute on your computer or something uh down on the bottom right inside of the screen okay it's stop you must hit mute okay so um thanks everybody for being with us today um you know uh i hope you got something valuable out of this um you know and uh we will we will speak with you again soon so uh everybody take care um and thanks for being a great part of our community