 My name is Sam Vakum, and I'm the author of Malignan Self-Love, Narcissism Revisited. Some narcissists are ostentatiously generous, and donate to charity, they'll lavish gifts of their closest, they abundantly provide for their nearest and dearest, and in general they are open-handed and unstintingly benevolent. How can they be reconciled with the pronounced lack of empathy and with the pernicious self-reoccupation that is so typical of narcissists? Well, the act of giving enhances the narcissist's sense of omnipotence, his fantastic grandiosity and the contempt he holds for others. It is easy to feel superior to the supplicating recipients of one's largesse. Narcissistic altruism is about exerting control and maintaining it by fostering dependence on the beneficiaries. But narcissists give for other reasons as well. The narcissist flaunts his charitable nature as a bait. He impresses others with his selflessness and kindness, and this way he lures them into his lair, and traps them, and manipulates and brainwashes them into subservient compliance and obsequious collaboration. People are attracted to the narcissist's larger-than-life posture, only to discover his true personality traits when it is far too late. Give a little to take a lot is the narcissist's greed. This does not prevent the narcissist from assuming the role of the exploited victim. Narcissists always complain that people are unfair to them, and that they invest far more than their share of the profit. The narcissist feels that he is the sacrificial lamb, the scapegoat, and that his relationships are asymmetrical and imbalanced. He keeps saying, she gets out of our marriage far more than I do. Another common refrain, I do all the work around here and they get all the perks and benefits, and so on and so forth. Faced with such misperceived injustice, with such embedded asymmetry, and once a relationship is clinched and the victim is hooked, the narcissist tries to minimize his contributions. He regards his input as a contractual maintenance chore, and the unpleasant and inevitable price he has to pay for narcissistic supply. So he tries to minimize it. After many years of feeling deprived and wrong, some narcissists lapse into sadistic generosity or sadistic altruism. They use their giving as a weapon to taunt and torment the needy to humiliate them. In the distorted thinking of the narcissist, donating money gives him the right and license to hurt, to chastise, to criticize, and to berate the recipient. His generosity fills the narcissist, elevates him to a higher moral ground, makes him superior. Most narcissists confine their giving to money and material goods. Their beneficence is an abusive defense mechanism, it is intended to avoid real intimacy. Their big hearted charity renders all their relationships, even with their spouses and children, business lack. Giving retards intimacy. Their relationships are structured, limited, minimal, non-emotional, unambiguous, and non-ambivalent, using the currency of money. By doling out bountiously, the narcissist knows where he stands and does not feel threatened or abused or exploited by demands for commitment, emotional investment, empathy, or intimacy. And the narcissist's wasteland of life, even his benevolence is spiteful, sadistic, punitive and distanced.