 Hey, we're still on day three winding down Coming to the stage next on the 21 convention London 2011 the conference of The century the men's conference of the century that is a four-time speaker This is fourth time on stage here at the 21 convention and he was once voted best new instructor and you may recognize him from MTV's made Please welcome speaking on sexual escalation Jared psych Lawrence Thank you Now all of that sounds really great when he puts it all that way But I want to go back a few short years with you guys before I was psych and all that I Want to share with you guys a story That kind of symbolizes where I was back when I first started all this Back when I first started I was dating this girl Gabby Now how I got her I have no idea it was literally like handed to me from God above right and Gabby was my everything She was the perfect girl. That was a girl who's gonna marry that was a girl who's gonna grow old with I my whole heart was devoted to this one girl and Gabby didn't believe in premarital sex and I respected that For an entire year. We did not have sex. I was the nice guy. I was a gentleman About a year and a half of dating her We broke up and then in a few short months. I remember she started dating this Fucking arrogant Army guy eight years older than her and within a month she lost it to him. I was devastated My heart I don't wish this on anyone here in this room. My heart literally went from here to my gut Right and I thought this was maybe like I don't know, you know a fluke or something, right? Like it's not anything on me. Maybe it's just Something that happened, you know with her issues is a bitch to me because how could she do that to me, right? I saw maybe it's just a fluke Well a year later I Started there's a prom going on a prom is basically a big dance that we all have in high school And America it's a big deal because this is it. This is a night where we could lose our virginity If we ever lost he yet tonight's tonight and for me, this was it This was my big moment because I was the last of my friends who have lost his virginity already. I Was actually lying about it to all my friends. I was saying I lost it to Gabby so I was too ashamed of what actually happened so at prom night I find my girl I Last second I found one and I believe looking back the only reason I was able to even get that girl Was because she never got to experience a prom night So the whole reason she was even there was just for the experience nothing to do with me and At prom I take I take with the after-party and I got a kiss. I'm so happy This is this is like the greatest moment ever right now tonight tonight I might my spirits are incredibly high and I'm gonna clown nine Well at the after-party I see her go outside and start smoking a cigarette have a few drinks and I see her start talking to this guy. I still remember his name. I Daniel and She's talking to him and her flirting Now I'm thinking hell now. This can't be because it's not good right so I go inside cool off a bit and go back out and Then I see her giving him her number I'm like no no no not again. This is not happening to me not tonight. This is my night So I go back out. I told my look my best friend John and I say dude go just go in there and tell her look I'm leaving now. She can come with or without me and I drove her two hours. I Did everything for this girl to try to get her to come for this night He goes in there and he comes up to me and I still remember the look He comes right up to me and he's like Dude Just go I'm like, what do you mean just go? I can't just go Right like I drove this girl He's like no Dude, just just leave I'm like why tell me like what why should I just leave this girl here? He's like I just watched her walk in the bathroom With Daniel following her inside and the door closes Just go and Again heart here Devastated I found out the next day that actually is a night Daniel lost his virginity Good for Daniel Not me. I just I just kept thinking, you know, what's wrong with me. It's not a fluke anymore Something is wrong here something is just Utterly inherently wrong with me and I got into the deepest depression. I've ever had in my life. I look back and I don't even remember vague Memories of it. I remember falling down the floor just crying just shattered I did there was no community for me back then. I didn't know about this. I didn't have the answer All I knew was I went to go see a psychologist to help myself get over this depression and I found a specific type of psychologist I found one I can do hypnotism Hypnotism and I told him I remember point blank. I looked in the eye. I said Sir, make me forget Gabby and that happened. Make me forget. She even existed make me forget my prom Make me forget all these bad things that have happened to me in my life. Make me forget everything That's the extreme. I was going all because I couldn't sexually escalate. I couldn't move things forward. I Could be friends some girls Maybe not even that was not really But all it came is I couldn't escalate things in a romantic level and at the time I remember I Told myself. I'm never gonna be speaking of this to anyone Never gonna tell these stories because I was incredibly embarrassed and If things hadn't changed, I wouldn't be able to stand here in front of a convention full of guys With tons of people watching at home. I'm able to share those things with you So no matter how bad you think things are I want you to remember I've been there. I know what you're going through So that brings me to my talk here on sexual escalation now when I do talk I'm gonna want to keep this interactive for everybody All right Because I've actually it's actually been proven that people don't learn just from a guy standing up here and talking to you Well, you're just listening You're not gonna learn that way. I need participation So you guys want to get ready for this Come on. We just I just saw the energy in the room earlier. Come on. You guys ready for this That's what up to good participation. That's what I want from you guys now I want I'm gonna put a question in your head because this is step one of understanding how to sexually escalate correctly What is the purpose? Why do we sexually escalate other obviously yes to get laid to have sex with the girl granted? But when it comes to game it always has to be for a specific purpose of what are we trying to achieve from the girl? For the girl. What do we want to create with her someone? Comfort okay arousal Comfort we can do a lot of way and it's true though if you escalate correctly She should be comfortable and anytime you escalate you have to reserve her comfort levels always right However, the purpose of sexually escalating in and of itself is simply to get the girl aroused because if she's aroused She's gonna be down It bypasses anything If she's aroused does it matter if you're high value or low value if she's aroused for you does that matter? No Right does any of the other stuff really matter if she's aroused and she wants you when it comes at least to sex Relationships something different, but at least with sex does any of the other stuff out there even matter If she's aroused No All the stuff you learn beforehand all is just to get to this point of getting her aroused Now there's a big problem though. I want to go over the inner game of sexual escalation