 People are more in tune, and it's not right, but people are more in tune to what they believe is the truth. And people don't want to believe facts. They want to believe the lie because it's more entertaining. Listen, it's the message right here. Black boy, tell me how you really feel. Cause I just want to build with you. Black girl, tell me how you really feel. I want to keep it real with you. I want to live better, eat better. I want to love better, sleep better. Yeah, I want to feel so aligned. Kendra G's show, so what she does is she does like an IG live where she has people call in and tell her what type of person they're looking for. So black men call in saying what kind of black woman they're looking for, black women call in saying what type of black men they're looking for. This particular lady called in, he says she's 32 years old. She's got two kids by two different men that she was married to. So she was married to both of them. She filed for divorce from both of them. The second divorce hasn't finalized yet and she's looking to be matched up. She had the second husband who she's divorcing currently paid for the first divorce. She was in the courtroom pregnant by the second husband while getting a divorce from the first husband. And she was talking about how it hurt him and how it broke, and you could see him breaking down and things like that. And so Kendra G asked, why are you getting, why did you divorce both of them? And why do you want relationship again? She was like, well, I just pick bad guys. What was wrong with them? They were both controlling. What does that mean? They would let me post cute pictures on Instagram. They wouldn't let me go on girls trips. They just wanted to monitor everything I did, right? And they had a pretty friendly, lively conversation. And the whole time I couldn't help but think, if this was a black man on the other side of the phone, talking about how he's looking for love when his divorce hasn't finalized, Kendra G, a black woman would have been like, nigga, if you don't get the fuck off this line and go fix your family. But nah, they had a good old conversation. She was like, girl, you toxic. Red flag, red flag. But they talked it out. It was like a 30 minute conversation. So my question is, why does it seem like black women are so encouraging of, empathetic to, and nurturing of each other's bullshit? Honestly, I'm being real. It really depends on the person. I don't know who Kendra G is. I don't know what she's known for. Maybe she's known for being a nice person of handling that type of situation. But if I knew that individual, I think, like if she was my friend, let me say it like that. I would ask those questions like, so what are you doing? You know, and I think minds wouldn't be like, old red flag. I'm like, so have y'all talked about it? Ask those, and I don't know how the conversation went. I think for some women, the girl empowerment movement and the black women, the excellence, which is good. That's all going on. And I think we want to see people do show well, especially black women. But it really depends on how she explained it as well. But I feel like some people know how to call BS and some people are not going to do that. They do it on men, though. I know. So when it comes to men, oh yeah, y'all do get dolled out a good bit. And I think, what's the saying in about, it's almost like one apple can spoil the bunch. I hate to say it like that. I think that's what happened for so long that it seems like everybody has had these, I don't know, same experiences that they group y'all together, which isn't fair, but it's very common. And I do agree. Is it just loud? Is it common or is it loud? What do you mean by that? So what I mean by that, common would be most women have been cheated on. Loud would be most movies are about women being cheated on. So that becomes their expectation. Or they heard stories from their mom or whatever the case may be. So that becomes their expectation. That's second hand trauma. I think it's common. And I feel like everybody's gonna get cheated on once in a life, if not twice, depending on your relationship and who you're with. I think it's common. I feel like women, when it comes to cheating, if you're messing with a dude that doesn't run their mouth, some girls are very just good, like little bit sneaky. So it's not uncommon. I think for so long, people, I think you're looking like now, but a lot of people go back when they're just in firing their actions. So for so long, people are thinking like, women that don't hand and foot, the meals cooked, taking care of kids, while he out there, partying, drinking with his friends, but you see what I'm saying. So it's loud, but I think it does become common because it can be loud. People see it in the movies, but like you just say, media influence things, who you hang around, influence some of your decisions you make. So if my guy, and my guy friends, I know what they be doing. It's like... So let me ask you this. Who cheats more, men or women? Because we know the narratives. So who do you think cheats more? In my experience in just knowing, and I'm talking about where I live at, in my little 23 years of life, I have seen more guys cheat women. And I'm not saying women did not cheat or did it dirt. I just see more men do it than females. So what do you believe that men cheat more? Yeah. What did I? No, okay. I do believe that... I believe that men does cheat more. And but for some people, cheating is very different in some aspects. I don't know. No, we're talking strictly sex. Sexual intercourse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Men cheat more. I do believe that. They've done a study. And women cheat more? It's pretty 50-50. Well, and I think what happens is many times people read these surveys in Cosmo, in different magazines, women's health. And the thing is, I'm one of the experts that they call to weigh in on this. So I know what they're saying. People fill out forms, have you done this? Have you done this? Men will talk more about cheating. Women usually keep it to themselves. It's more taboo. But in my private practice and among other therapists, we know that as many women, perhaps more, who knows the exact number of men or women who cheat, but they cheat. It's a human thing. It's a choice people make. Women have more to lose when they choose that. When men choose to cheat, they usually still love their wife very much, 56% of the time. When women cheat, that is not true. They are usually checked out of their marriage. All right. But my question though is, the narrative is that men cheat. So like men have a monopoly on infidelity. The reality is both sides cheat equally. And this study is just sexually intercourse. So why are we still holding on to a narrative that's not true? And further ruining the image of the black man. Because it's not just that men cheat, it's especially niggas. I feel like we hold on to this because, like I said, a lot of people don't know women, some women too cheap. And the ones they know is like a small group of them and they know more guys, but I also believe when it comes to truth, when it comes to stories, people believe a lie before they believe they're true. Even if you have the proof and the evidence and things like that, we see that every day. Some people just, they just cannot go beyond what they first thought. And I think it's more entertaining to believe the lie. Even if it is 50-50. You don't think it's dangerous? It is very dangerous. And again, we see how stuff like that impacts people every day, whether it's in relationships, your health, politics. It is very dangerous. So why do we still think that? Why do we still hold on to that idea? Because the first question I asked you, which is more you said men. So why are we still holding on to this idea that black men are just... I don't know. Me, now I'm like, I'm looking at it different, but everybody's not like me. Everybody is not going to look at it different. And again, a national study is a national study. However, within this area, if we're thinking about the Greenville area, we were all born and raised here. And me, you don't go to the same high school. We know the same people. And all I know is this, and I have not explored anything else. And I've heard more about y'all or I know more and less about them. Some people just cannot see beyond what they know. And it is dangerous. And I think people get stuck in this place of not wanting to know or not wanting to think beyond what it is. They don't want to have the conversation. They want to be right. They don't feel like they're wrong. And they might not be wrong in the sense because in their area, that's what it is. But nationally, it's not. But are people going to say two things can be true? That's the end thing. Two things can be true, but you have to acknowledge both of them. And yeah, guys can cheat more in this area, but nationally is a 50-50 thing. So here's the thing. And here's what I want you to think about even when you leave here. I want you to look up the rates of paternity fraud. So paternity fraud being, you thought this was your dad, but the whole time it was the milk man or the neighbor. That happens in the South a lot. Do Southern people get DNA tests as much as the rest of the country? Probably not. They live in the backwoods, things like that. But it happens. So when we combine that with the narrative that says men aren't shit, also combining that with the fact that men don't really tell their stories and combining that with the fact that women usually hide each other's bullshit, coddle each other's curl, I understand. He wasn't paying you enough attention because women know too, they friends be getting down. Why are we still holding on to these destructive narratives of black men? But do you think, what are you looking at? Are you looking at these Instagram things? Where else are you having these conversations and looking at these conversations? And I think platform to platform the first in a sense as well, because it seems like you're on Instagram, you can get the lives and stuff a little bit more. I'm on Twitter and I feel like I see more people call certain girls out a lot more. And I think even Facebook, I feel like people coddle people a lot too because what's Facebook used for? Your family, your friends and stuff like that. Girl, he, you know, he's just tripping. He doesn't that. And then the boys, man, I can't believe that B done this and that. I think it depends on platform. I think it depends on who you're listening to. Some people know who's going to coddle them. And that's just the truth. Well, I would say this, I would say this. Somebody said our community is under fathered and over mothered. And the reason that's important is because men or masculine energy tends to be very data driven. It tends to be very pragmatic, very analytical, very matter of fact. Female energy tends to be empathetic. It tends to be nurturing, you know, and almost coddling, right? So the reason I say that is because our community tends to not dialogue with facts. They tend to dialogue with feelings. And because we tend to dialogue with facts and not feelings, we allow these narratives to happen and we allow them to keep going. So when I'm talking about, I'm not just talking about social media. I'm talking about media. I'm talking about real world experiences. The narrative is that black men are violent. Black men are sexually irresponsible. Black men are this, black men are that. And the people at the forefront of that narrative are our mothers, our daughters, our sisters. So like, what was the statement again? Our community is under father over mother. So how do you think that impacts the black male? Like, what do you see with that? How they're acting? We acting? How they treat their mothers or say certain things to their girlfriends or just friends in general? How do you see that impact them? Because we're talking about how, you know, the lie is being told by black women. But how do that impact, that statement impacts black men? One of the questions that I ask everybody at interview, the first question tends to be, what kind of man do you want to be? Or would you be? Then we have a conversation and in that conversation, we touch on the type of man that they're familiar with. And then the last question I ask them is what type of son would you like to raise? Right? What has happened more often than not is those three men tend to be very different. And the reason why black women on average are feeling miserably raising voices because that's not your ministry. And why supremacy knew that? And that's why they took the men out of the home. Because what ends up happening is, and what breaks my heart going back to the kinder G-Lady, both of the children she had with both those men are boys. I don't agree with the situation, you know. But I'm saying what type of boys do you think those guys are gonna become? I don't know. Future? I really don't know. And I don't want to say that because based on what you said, what type of relationship are they gonna have with their fathers? Like, you know, like, is she gonna allow them to see their dad? How is the visitation gonna be set up? Or is she gonna bat mouth them in front of them? I think all that has to play. One thing I feel when it comes to mothering boys that I've noticed and, you know, I hope I won't do. I feel like you always gonna love your kids. And I think as a mother, you know what a black male has to go through in the sense the things you see on TV in terms of like the racism and stuff they have experienced. And you don't want them to go through that. I also feel like mothers and I'm not a mother. So I just don't, you know, I'm trying to put myself in that regards. They, like you say, they over mother their son. Because of that, I feel like for girls, it's more like be independent because you don't want to, you don't always have to depend on a man. And which I understand, because anything can happen. You want to have your own thought process, your own mind, make your own money, just in case he leaves you dry. I just hate to say it like that. But that's for any partner. But we talk about men and women. But with mothers, I feel like sometimes they don't see the fault in their sons. And I hope to be a mother that calls my son out on his BS balls for acknowledgement. I think he's right. And I see a lot of mothers, they, when they notice their son is doing wrong, like I said, if he got a girlfriend and he bring another girl over this net, they don't say nothing. And I wonder why they don't say nothing. And again, I'm not a mother. Is it, I don't want to be a part of that or he'll figure it out or I don't like her. It's stuff like that. That just always kind of makes me wonder, like, what is the point of doing that? Because if you were once in that situation or you know how that feel, why would you do that? You know, allow him to do it. At least talk to him and say, at least talk to him and say, I don't think you should do that. It's not your place as the mom to go to the next girl. Like, you know what I mean? Well, that's because women aren't pragmatic. And that's why they do so bad raising boys. Like I start with women should not be raising boys by themselves. But the man leaves. Particularly, but see, that's what I'm saying. So like, first of all, our women tend to be attracted to the wrong things. And part of the conversation I had on the live, I was like, you know, we're talking about submission and they were saying, well, I'm only gonna submit under these things. I'm like, okay, if your submission is conditional, why are you with the guy in the first place? What I say to women now is, if you wouldn't be comfortable cloning this guy, why are you with him in the first place? So unfortunately, you know, obviously I'm critical on men. It's a lot of shit we need to do. But what is terrible and what pisses me off is, I think women understand that the biggest motivating force for men, unfortunately, and I disagree with it. I think it should be purpose. But for most men, unfortunately it's the thing between your legs. And women are voting for traits in men that don't translate into husbands or fathers. And I think because y'all on some subconscious level understand that, you start planning to be mom and dad. So you come into the relationship saying, well, if it goes, if it goes, because you know on some level, you're not dealing with the caliber of man who you know his integrity would not let him walk out that door. So how can we get our women to be back one band one sound on the type and caliber of man that they need to be associating themselves within the first place? So we're not having conversations of what if I'm a single mom or what if I have to do this by myself? How do we get back to that? We honor it. Yes. I think it depends on you. But see, and the narrative is now, and I think it's also a white supremacist narrative is when we were on that, when we were married at 80%, 90%, grandpa was this, grandpa was that. So even that time was bad. But you, it is like, you can't deny that though. It's like, while the marriage rate probably was high, where did it happen? So... But why is that the narrative? We haven't surveyed every single woman or every single man, but because of Color Purple, because of movies put out by Hollywood, it painted that reality in our minds. And because of the few people we know who had bad experiences that we also don't know the full story to, it reinforced that narrative in our mind. And now everybody thinks the good old days, grandpa was this terrible human being. I don't think everybody thinks everybody was just the worst guy ever. If they think that, I just think something's wrong. But what is the point of not acknowledging that some people that was the reality for a lot of people in these areas? Some people, a lot of people know. For a lot of... For some people, I see what you're saying. But still, that was their reality. Just because, you know, it might not have been, you cannot say that was not something that happened. So it's like taking that acknowledgement as well. Why I think they continue to make movies like that? I think because it's gonna sell. Like you said, it's the media. Media do what? They put some out foot to sell. To get on a one bad one sound page, I feel like you need to know your partner. Like you said, you need to know who you're talking to. You need to know, is this something I see myself in for 40 years, 50 years? Hopefully you live a long life, you know? Do I see myself raising kids with this person? And I think people, they only think about 10 years from now, five years from now. Yeah, and I'm just trying to give people a different emotion now. People think four or five years from now and say, well, we'll probably have, we might get pregnant within those four or five years. And he's a nice guy or something, but y'all never really talked about kids. It was always the what is. And I think you really, before you even get married, I think before you get married, before all this stuff like that, you really need to figure out, is this the person I'm gonna raise my child with? Like you said, do he have the quality? Like, well, I want him to be the one teaching my son how to act. And for some women, they honestly, they just have to be mom and dad. Like you don't want it to be, but some men can just, and some women too, like some guys have to play mama. And that's just the fact of the matter. But that's not the narrative. That's not, I think, it's not the narrative, it's not the most common narrative, but it's a narrative that people do know about. But the only reason I bring that up, right, is because men having to play mommy does happen. Women getting beat, women getting cheated on does happen. Why do we make one thing a narrative and taint the minds of young girls and young boys coming up? Because that becomes their expectation. And why do we make the other thing? It just happens sometimes. When statistically, they both just happen sometimes. It's an awkward pause, but... I've stated this before. I think people are more in tune, what is, and it's not right, but more people are more in tune to what they believe is the truth. And people don't want to believe facts. They want to believe the lie because it's more entertaining. And I hate, because this conversation is about women in general, but all I can do is come back to myself. I think I have, and I've tried, I'm not saying I'm perfect at it, but I have tried my best to listen to people and we're having this conversation and see things from their point of view. Some people don't want to try to do that. It's what they say they know, even though it's not facts or from statistics, they say they know this. Why do you say that? Because someone still told me, okay, how do you still know that? Because it happened in them. Did it happen to you? No, but I've seen it. It's just that in modern day. And it's gonna continue to happen. I don't, we can have these conversations and I think it'll help. Do I think it's gonna immediately fix it? No. You see how long it took for us to have conversations not took hundreds of years. So do I think these narratives are gonna change within a five years span, even 10 years? And that's a little rocky. Maybe not, but the fact that we were able to have these conversations, I think is on the right track. And I think when you've got people that's willing to listen and hear both sides, somebody even from here in this and watching this video might say, oh, let me go look this up or let me surround myself around this type of people because when you surround yourself by people who was just like, girl, no, no, no, no. Oh boy, man, boy, that's so and so. That's how you're gonna believe. You're not gonna wanna go out cause you, all you know is your conversation but you have to be open and willing to do that. And I think people, some people now are willing to do that, maybe not a whole lot but when you have a platform to do it or like you have a platform now to use it you'll give people the opportunity or entice the idea to let me say what have I been doing? What have I acknowledged? What have I acknowledged? And that's all experiences about acknowledging the person you're also listening and not dismissing what they've experienced or what they heard cause it could be true, but it's just not your experience.