 The Kraft Foods Company presents Harold Perry as the great Gildersleeve! Gildersleeve is brought to you by the Kraft Foods Company makers of the famous Philadelphia brand cream cheese. Philadelphia brand is far and away America's favorite cream cheese. That's because it's so creamy white, so delicately rich, and so fresh tasting. But remember there is only one Philadelphia cream cheese. It's the brand that's made by Kraft and guaranteed fresh. So when you buy cream cheese always look for the name Philadelphia brand right on each silvery package. Let's see what's going on in the home of Summerfield's water commissioner, Throck Morton P. Gildersleeve. Several weeks ago, Bertie said to the great man, Mr. Gildersleeve, our kitchen faucet is leaking some awful drip, drip, drip. I wish you'd please fix it for me. Fix the faucet? Of course, Bertie. I'll do that real soon. One week later. Mr. Gildersleeve, that faucet's still going drip, drip, drip. Are you going to fix it, Bertie? Well, not today, Bertie. Maybe next Saturday afternoon. The following Saturday afternoon, the great man is just coming home from a hard morning at the water department. Glad to get home. Oh, I'm tired. I should take a little nap this afternoon. Oh, dear, Bertie will probably want me to fix that faucet. Well, maybe I can sneak up to my room without her hearing me. I'll be real quiet. Better tiptoe, so she won't... Hi, Aunt! Leroy. What? Oh, come on. Marjorie, do you have to shout? Who's shouting? Well, please keep your voices down. I want to get up to my room without Bertie hearing. Thank you, Mr. Gildersleeve. Yes, Bertie? I'm sure glad you're home, Miss Gildersleeve. Well, you are? Well, see you later, Bertie. Miss Gildersleeve, this is the day you promised to fix the faucet. Oh, is that still leaking? Yes, it's still going drip, drip, drip. Just like it was a week ago. Drip, drip, drip. Oh, I see. Just like it was a week before that. Drip. I understand, Bertie. And that's what it's going to keep on doing until somebody fixes it. All right, Bertie. Drip, drip, drip. Morning, noon, and night. Bertie, I... Just drip. Bertie, I'll fix it right now. Thank you, Mr. Gildersleeve. I'm sure glad you're going to fix it, because if you didn't, it's just going to keep right on going. Darn that rat. Must be down here. Where's that light cord? Around here somewhere. Oh, my goodness. Step right into a tub of water. Must be that rainwater marginally saved to rinse her hair in. Oh, dear. Well, here's the light. Feet are wet, I guess. Let's see. Water pipe's over in the corner. Old camel-back-trunk grandma forest are left down here. I think I'll have a peek at it. Just for fun. Spiders. Look at this stuff. A celluloid collar like Grandpa used to wear. And what's this? A mandolin. Grandpa must have been a gay old blade. And here's an old newspaper. Turned yellow with age. Summerfield indicator, August 19, ought three. That looks interesting. I think I'll look it over. Yeah, he's sitting in this old chair here. Lean back and get the first. Let's see what's in this paper. Whose picture is this? Miss Cara Willoughby. New teacher arrived today to take over duties at Summerfield Grammar School. Kind of pretty, even in those old-fashioned clothes. That's his item. Everyone had a rollicking time at the Summerfield Mandolin Club annual picnic yesterday. Summerfield must have been a lot of fun then. I wonder what it would have been like if we'd lived here in those days. I can just see it. A little marjorie with a bustle. Leroy in a buster brown suit. With a set of a radio, we'd have a player piano. Confounded player piano? Oh, it's the latest song under the bamboo trees. You call that new stuff music? Give me a nice waltz. Uncle Mortier's so old-fashioned. This is 1903, you know. Well, I guess your old uncle isn't too far behind the times. We're one of the first families in Summerfield to sell our horse and get a gasoline automobile. Imagine that. A horseless carriage. What won't they think of next? Uncle, I suppose that's the outfit you wear every day. White linen suit, high-button brown shoes, and that butterfly stick pin. And that straw hat with a fancy band. You're a good dude, huh? Dude? No harm in dressing up a little. It wouldn't have anything to do with that new schoolteacher arriving from Chicago today, would it? Miss Cora Willoughby? Well, I am going down to the train to meet this young lady. But strictly in the line of duty as a member of the school board. Oh, sure. I understand she's very attractive. That's what they say, but I'm simply going down to welcome her to our fair city. The fact that she's young and pretty has nothing to do with it. Ah! Leroy! Careful, young man, or I'll take away your tiddly winks. Holy kid, Monk. Well, I think I'll drive down to P.V.'s pharmacy now. Pick up a box of candy. Candy? Oh, for the schoolteacher. Well, yes, she might be hungry after that long train ride. Of course. And me, my goggles, Leroy, I'm off in a cloud of dust. Thank you, honestly. You certainly look spiffy in that ice cream suit. I love my wife, but oh, you kid. I just thought I'd get dressed up, P.V., and go down and watch the train come in. Fun to watch the people get off. You mean like that young schoolteacher from Chicago? P.V., who told you about her? Judge Hooker, he's going down to meet her, too. What? Why that old nanny goat? Oh, well, I'm not worried about him. He's no competition. When that schoolteacher gets off the train, she won't even look at him with me around. Well... Of course she won't. Any woman seeing me and the judge together would prefer me to take your wife, for instance. All right. Well, just suppose Mrs. P.V. was getting off the train. What train? The train from Chicago. If she couldn't do that, she'd never been to Chicago. P.V. She went to Peoria one. All right, but suppose she was getting off the train. Who would she choose? She'd choose me, I'm married to her. I know, P.V., but suppose you weren't married. Then I'd go down and meet the schoolteacher. Forget the whole thing, P.V. Give me a box of bonbons. Which one would you like? That one pound box would be all right. Mr. Jody, the judge got a two pound box. Oh, you did, eh? Well, give me a three pound box. Three pounds it is. But it's a good day. Look, I ought to light a match and set fire to his celluloid collar. I'll wrap the candy up for you, Mr. Jody. All right, but hurry it up, please. It's almost train time. Oh, yeah. I see the paper is making a lot of predictions about the presidential election. Yes. You think that a Roosevelt would be re-elected, Mr. Jody, say it? I certainly do not. You can take my word for it, P.V. This is the last time we'll ever have a Roosevelt in the White House. Well, no, I wouldn't say that. Now, what's your hurry? Expecting to meet someone? No, judge, I just came down to wave at the engineer. We're engaged. If you're waiting for Miss Willoughby, you can go soak your head. I'm escorting her to her boarding house. That's what you think. She's going with me in my horseless carriage. It may be a horseless carriage, but there's a jackass driving it. Poop and roll yourself away. Oh, 23 stadoo to you. Oh, pardon me, gentlemen. Huh? Are you from the school board? Oh, you're Miss Willoughby. Yes, I am. I'm Throckmorton Pigillersley. How do you do? Young lady. This old gentleman just came along to carry your bags. Gildy. Young lady, I am Judge Horace Hooker at your service. Don't bow so low, judge. You'll never be able to straighten up again. Miss Willoughby, I'll escort you to your boarding house in my horse and buggy. Horse and buggy? How old-fashioned. Miss Willoughby, I shall drive you there in my automobile. Mr. Gildesley, do you have an automobile? Well, it isn't much. Just a locomobile runabout. Latest 1903 model, that's all. Well, I am in sort of a hurry. Perhaps I had better go with you. But Miss Willoughby. See you later, Judge. This is a horse on you here. Oh, be, oh, Mr. Gildesley. Not at all, Miss Willoughby. It's a pleasure. And thank you so much for the candy. Oh, that is nothing. Just three pounds. Sweets to the sweet, you know. Oh, Mr. Gildesley. Yes, sir. I'll have you home quicker than you can say William Jennings Bryan. Nothing like an automobile to get to where you want to go. What's the matter with this dog? I guess we're stuck. Oh, dear motor trouble. What's it look like? Well, Miss Willoughby, since you're in such a hurry, perhaps you'd better let me drive you to your boarding house. Now look here, Hooker. Ah, Mr. Gildesley, perhaps I had better go with the judge. But Miss Willoughby. Just give me your hand, Miss, and I'll help you over into the buggy. But Judge, what am I going to do? Why were you guilty? I'd get a horse. Careful and thrifty food shoppers, here's a special note. Whenever you're buying cream cheese for sandwiches, salads, or desserts, always say, I want genuine Philadelphia brand. Then notice the name Philadelphia brand printed right on the face of the package. We make this suggestion because some people think just any cream cheese is Philadelphia. Actually, that is the brand name of the cream cheese made only by Kraft. Guaranteed fresh by Kraft. Tomorrow, treat your family to the exquisitely fresh, delicately rich flavor of this famous cream cheese for tasty, nutritious lunch and sandwiches in luscious fruit salads. Philadelphia brand cream cheese is simply grand. Or for a wonderful dessert, take a fork and whip Philadelphia brand cream cheese with a little milk, and you have a rich, fluffy light topping for baked apples, hot gingerbread, or fruit tarts. Remember, when you buy cream cheese, there is only one Philadelphia. It's the brand of cream cheese that's made by Kraft and guaranteed fresh. So always look for the word Philadelphia brand printed right on the face of each silvery package. You can be sure you're getting the finest when you get genuine Philadelphia brand cream cheese. Rejoin the great Gilder Sleeve. This is the day he was going to fix the kitchen faucet. Our man of action went down to the cellar to turn the water off, got interested in reading an old 19-3 newspaper and fell asleep. And that's where he is now, still dreaming he's back in summer field at the turn of the century. Cora, will it be? Gee, I'll bet you'll have a lot of fun on the mandolin club picnic today. Better get out of Floyd's barber shop and get some proof stuff. There you are, Commish. Sideburns look pretty classy now. Splendid, Floyd. How about a little wax on your mustache? All right, handlebars are drooping a little. Sure. You want to look your best at that picnic this afternoon, especially since that swell-looking school mom's going to be there. Well, if Miss Willoughby's there, I might just tip my hat and say hello. Huh, huh? Well, it's going to be some shindig all right, pro-K matches, walls contests, then the auction off the ladies' food baskets. That's when the fun starts. You got to eat supper with the chickeny whose basket you get. Josh, it sure would be wonderful if I could eat supper with Miss Willoughby. Well, maybe you can. Yeah, but you have to bid sight unseen, Floyd. How am I going to know which basket is hers? That can be arranged, Commish. What? Little Floyd E. Monson's going to be the auctioneer. Oh, you are? Uh-huh. Well, if you can arrange it, Floyd, there's a dollar in it for you. It's a deal. You're practically having supper with that peach arena right now. But, Floyd, the judge likes her, too. What if he catches on and outbids me? You just leave that to me. I'm a bum steer, and he'll bid his head off on the wrong basket. Wonderful, Floyd. That'll be a good joke on the judge. Surely he'll wind up having supper with Mamie Schultz. All she ever puts in her basket is pig's knuckles. Pig's knuckles, eh? I shouldn't do this to the judge. But I will. Having a good time, Miss Willoughby? Oh, I certainly am, Mr. Jody Sleeves. I just love picnics, don't you? Well, you bet I do. Especially this one. Look at the judge over there playing croquet for those skinny legs of his. He looks like one of the wickets. Oh, Mr. Gilded Sleeves. Hell, he does. Well, Miss Willoughby, I suppose they'll be auctioning off the ladies' supper baskets pretty soon. Yes, they will. I hope the man who gets mine likes fried chicken. Oh, I do. I mean... Oh, you sound very sure of yourself, Mr. Gilded Sleeves. You have no way of knowing which basket is mine. That's what she thinks. Your attention, everybody! Oh, there's Floyd now. Come on, come on, now. Break up that croquet, man. We're going to have a little entertainment. Then we'll auction off the food basket. Yes! Oh, judge, I hope he likes pigs and knuckles. Quiet, everybody! Quiet! Gentlemen, for our first number on our program, I'm going to call on your friend and my friend, Richard Q. Peavey. He will favor us with a humorous limerick. Well, it's just a little limerick. I thought it was rather amusing. There once was a man from Nantucket who kept all his cash in a bucket. But his daughter, named Nan, ran away with a man and, as for the bucket, Nantucket. Peavey, that's the worst limerick I ever heard. No, I wouldn't say that. Now, for a moment of melody from that great singing aggregation, the bachelor boy's quartet. All right, Troubadot, it's the auctioneer. And me. We'll start with this basket right here. How much am I offered? Well, come on, man, don't be bashful. Interest, you. Huh? Belongs to a certain lovely lady. Oh, it does? Well, I'll bid 50 cents. Lloyd's slick, all right. The judge fell for it. 50 cents is bid. Do I hear 60? I bid 60 cents. Police Chief Gates bid 60 cents. Well, Judge Hooker bid 70 cents. Bailey finds out it's Mamie Schultz's. 80 cents. 90 cents. 95. A dollar. That's an awful price to pay for pigs' knuckles. Will anybody go higher? Oh, I... Oh, you're a lucky fellow, Judge. Your partner for supper is our new school teacher, Miss Cora Willoughby. Shall we dine under the peppetry? Yes, Judge. That would be lovely. Lloyd, come here. I want to talk to you. What's the trouble, Commissioner? You promised me I'd get Miss Willoughby's basket. I was going to pay you a dollar. Oh, but that's bribery, Commissioner. Besides, the judge gave me two dollars. What? A picnic this turned out to be. Everybody's dancing and having a good time with me. Even the ants. Well, I don't care. I'll just sit here by myself. Me and my mandolin. That judge. He had fried chicken with Miss Willoughby. What did I have? Pigs' knuckles with Mamie Schultz. I'm going to take Miss Willoughby canoeing on the lake in the moonlight. Oh, well. Ta-dum, ta-dum, ta-dum, ta-dum, ta-dum, ta-dum. Oh, a little jolter sleeve. Oh, Miss Willoughby. Are you enjoying yourself? Enjoying myself. Oh, yes, of course. I'm having a wonderful time. I see. Did you and Judge Hooker have a nice supper together? Yes, we did. But I would much rather have had supper with you. Oh, you would? Yes. Do you mind if I sit down here for a while? We can have a cozy little talk. Miss Willoughby. Yeah? You'll be a lot cozier out in the canoe. Well, all right. Are you fond of canoeing? Well, I think I'm going to be. Where's my mandolin? Jolter sleeve. Stars shining through the trees and that big yellow moon reflected on the water. It's like a beautiful painting. Yeah. Reminds me of the picture on the feed store calendar. Oh, that's pretty. Won't you sing it for me? Well, I can remember it. Know each other? Well, now's a good time to get acquainted. I'll buy a little kiss. A kiss? What an idea. Yeah, isn't coming over there and sit with you. Now, Mr. Gilders, please. Yes, here I come, Kara. Here's an idea for something special to make breakfast a treat. A quick treat to make your pancakes or waffles, your hot muffins or toast, extra good. Set out the syrup or marmalade as usual. And also set out a creamy white delicately fresh square of the famous Philadelphia brand cream cheese. There's a wonderful richness I just can't describe. You have to taste fresh Philadelphia brand cream cheese melting on the breakfast. Toaster hotcakes. Once you do, you'll want to have it as a breakfast treat often. Just be sure you get genuine Philadelphia brand the cream cheese that's guaranteed fresh by Kraft. See the words Philadelphia brand on every package. Folks, some good news has come to us. It gives me a lot of pleasure to tell you about it because it reflects credit on all my associates on the Great Gilders League program. You remember a show we did a little over a year ago about the boys' clubs of America? Well, because of that program, our sponsor is the Kraft Foods Company, have won the bronze medal annually awarded by the magazine Advertising and Selling. The committee felt that our program about boys and their problems was such a real force for social good in this country. We thank the committee for choosing our program and, well, I guess that's all, except I'd like to, once again, salute the work that the boys' clubs of America are doing. Good night. Silent Butler and it's yours for only 50 cents and a fab step label. This Silent Butler is handsome enough for a gift and it's big. As a deep generous-sized bowl, a long handle, a hinged top that opens at your touch. It's just the thing for collecting cigarette ashes or crumbing your table. Now, today, just get either regular fab step or the new fab step two-pound economy loan. Your dealer will give you full details about getting this beautiful aluminum Silent Butler that's worth so much more for only 50 cents. Oh, Duffy's Tavern. No, Duffy ain't here. No, Archie ain't here. It's just Clifton Finnegan. That's right, nobody's here. But they'll be here in a second. The Duffy's Tavern show will be the next program on the national broadcasting company.