 It's the last day of Mental Health Awareness Month and because of that, I wanted to be open and honest with all of you guys about my current state of mental health, my antidepressants, and hopefully some of you can relate to it. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem, but focus on the solution. And if you're new to my channel, typically what I do is a little bit of social commentary, but something I am big on is mental health awareness, decreasing the stigma, and all that stuff. So anyways, if you're into that, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. So before I get started, it is Mental Health Awareness Month and a young woman by the name of Katie reached out to me and she just started a mental health channel here on YouTube. Her name is Catherine Lyle and she's a young woman doing some awesome things, opening up about her mental health, answering questions. She has a lot of experience. She's been diagnosed since she was at a young age. So please, please, please do me a favor. If I've ever provided you with any value here on my channel, do me a favor and go subscribe to Catherine Lyle. She is doing some awesome things. She talks about not only anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, but also she's been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. So go check out her channel, alright? So yeah, anyways, I've been debating on making this video, but I want to talk about it. This video is like different or I sound different. It's because one of the things about mental health and when you're struggling, like sometimes it's going to be hard to put it into words. So I'm going to do my best in this video to put it into words. But yeah, a couple weeks ago, maybe, I talked about struggling with depression and how it might not be depression. I don't know what it was, but I think I just got caught on an upswing. And I was like, OK, cool. Maybe that's not what it is. And maybe it's still not what it is. But I'll explain to you how I talk to my doctor and everything like that. But anyways, I have been dealing with apathy lately. And it is just so weird, so confusing. And to be honest, it's freaking me the hell out. All right. And part of this video is if there's anything that you take away from this, it's don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help. Talk to your doctor. Don't be afraid to take medications, adjust your medications and everything like that. But I've just felt numb. All right. I have felt so numb. And the reason why that's really weird for me is because I'm a very emotional person, right? Like I've made a lot of videos discussing like emotional regulation. Like most people, you know, they get, you know, they get happy or they get sad or they get nervous or they get angry. But my emotions, they go to extremes. And something that I've worked on for many years now is like dealing with these extreme emotions, but learning how to respond rather than react when I'm lucky. But it's it's helped me just kind of keep moving forward. Like I'm able to harness it into a passion, like a passion for work, a passion for making a video, a video, passion from doing a podcast, a passion for writing, a passion for helping other people. Like I'm able to turn that into this fuel and it's like this driving force, right? So like something that I learned a long time ago, because a lot of us, you know, we don't like our mental illness or anything like that. But I've learned over the years to kind of turn it into this energy and this, you know, I kind of think of it as like a superpower. It keeps me going and it helps me succeed and progress in everything. But like this this month, maybe it's just the last couple of weeks, two to three weeks. Like it's just been gone. It feels like it was just yanked out of me. And I don't know how to explain it. It's this numbness, right? And the only thing that I could remember feeling similar to this was back many years ago. I'm coming up on seven years sober next month. And many, many, many years ago before I got sober, like when you're drinking or using for a long time and you have become dependent and you're abusing the hell out of it, like you become numb. And back then like I just didn't have any emotions. I remember like trying to be happy or trying to be, you know, sad or anything like that. It was just like this flat line. And so I honestly haven't even experienced that since I've been sober. And for some reason it's happening now, right? And it's, it's very confusing. And sometimes it feels like I'm just going through the motions. But something that keeps me going is I know it's going to pass. Like I know it's going to pass. I am not going to be this way forever. But some of you might be able to relate to this. Like when you get into a difficult mental state, it can feel like it's going to last forever, but nothing ever lasts forever. That's one of the reasons that I love Buddhist philosophy is they talk about impermanence, everything kind of flows. Like, I don't know how long this is going to last, but I'm taking steps to overcome it and deal with it, right? But anyways, it's weird too, because it's not constant, right? So it's not like from the time I wake up until the time I go to sleep, I'm just completely numb, but it is most of the day. There are certain times during the day and something I try to do is kind of analyze what I'm doing, what's going on and everything like that and see if there's like something that triggers like, you know, that emotion back in me and everything, you know? But like, for example, I noticed just the other day, some of you who follow me on Instagram, by the way, follow me on Instagram, my best friend was in town and we went out and we hung out with her for like most of the afternoon. We went to this awesome vegan restaurant and everything. And but anyways, like my mood started to shift and change. So like, I don't know if it was being around and interacting with, you know, other people out there because most of my job is I work from home and I make YouTube videos and do the podcast and you know, everything like that. And I go out and about, you know, I go grocery shopping and you know, I go to movies with my son and you know, all that stuff. But I think it was that human interaction. So I try to look at that. I'm like, okay, well, do I need to do that more? What is it? But there were even times while we were hanging out where it just like the emotion just kind of left. And you know, it just, I don't know. I've been trying to use it to my benefit, like when it comes to creating content and everything like that, like, it's just like this kind of like, man, I don't care. You know, like, I'll just put it out there and it's just like, eh, however you react, you react and like in that aspect of it, I guess it's kind of good because us content creators, we can get all wrapped up. Like, are they gonna like it? Are they gonna hate it? What are they gonna say? You know, all these other things that I'm just very meh, you know, but it's, it's difficult because like usually when I sit down to make a video and I've definitely had some videos where like that passion comes. I'm like, I need to talk about this. I wanna talk about this, you know? And that helps. But sometimes like there's been a couple of days where I've done like one video and like or a live stream or whatever. And it's just because I didn't feel like doing something else, you know what I mean? But anyways, what I ended up doing was I texted my doctor. So I've been on the medication Lexapro off and on for the last seven years since I got sober. Lexapro is a non-narcotic, anti-depressant, anti-anxiety medication. And I've been on that and there's been times I mentioned this in another video I did. Like, I'm a recovering pill addict. I don't like being on medications but I know I need to be on medications but I've tapered off of them and gotten back on them and everything like, you know I've made plenty of videos on that in the past. And something I did a while back was my doctor switched me to Prozac. So one of the reasons she switched me to Prozac was just Lexapro can have a wide range of side effects. Like if any of you have been on Lexapro you probably know that. And like one of the side effects, one of the side effects of Lexapro is the feeling I have right now like the numbness, right? And I don't know, I've been trying to do it my own way for the last couple of weeks just, you know doing everything in my kind of metaphorical mental health toolbox, trying this, trying that, talking to people. I've been trying to do, you know, anything I can. And finally, I'm like, Chris, what are you doing? Like talk to your doctor. Talk to your doctor. And luckily I literally have the most awesome doctor on earth, right? And I ended up texting her and I was like, Hey, so here's what I'm dealing with. Like, what are your thoughts? Like, like, should I come in? Is there a different medication I should be on or you know, whatever? And yeah, she talked to me and she said, well, one of the side effects of Lexapro she like reminded me is this, you know apathetic feeling like this numbness or whatever. So I asked her because I still had refills on Prozac. I'm like, okay, well, do you think I should come in or do you think I should try Prozac first or whatever? And she's like, let's do this. Get back on the Prozac. Cause I was already kind of weaning down from the Lexapro. I was taking half of it after talking to her, always talk to your doctor before messing around with your medications at all. So yeah, so I talked to her. So this is day two of being on Prozac. And yeah, it's still, it's still the same, but that's the thing too. Like again, like we can get caught up in these thoughts of this is going to last forever. This is just how it's going to be. But like Prozac and any antidepressant really, I know it can take time to kick in. All right. And like that's what we all need to know. Like there's so many people out there who think like, oh, just take the medication and you're just happy. And it's like, no, it's not how it works. Takes time for the body to adjust. My body is going to adjust from getting off of the Lexapro, getting onto Prozac. So I know it can take a while. So I'm going to stay on it for, you know, two to six weeks and follow up with my doctor and see how it's going. But for right now, if anybody else can relate to this, like basically like what I'm doing is I'm just, I'm being very mindful of what my mood states are, what's happening again, just so I can kind of be aware of when it's happening, when it's not happening. I've been very open with my beautiful girlfriend Tristan. So she knows, you know, so like, I think that's important too in a relationship. So like she doesn't think that I'm like depressed because of her or I don't love her anymore. Like I've been open with her and honest and just like, yo, like this is what's happening to me. So when I get into my states of just kind of like, low energy and numbness, you know, like she understands like I'm going through something and she talks to me and you know, she reminds me of different things and suggestions and have you tried this or tried that? And you know what I mean? And you know, it's probably giving her a little bit of a break too, cause I'm usually just running around all full of energy and everything. But anyways, I think it's really important to be open and honest with the people in your lives because a lot of us, like if somebody starts acting different around us, we think it has to do with us. So I feel it's important to let them know, like, no, listen, like, hey, there's something going on with me right now. I'm trying to fix it, you know, I'm trying new medications, I'm doing all these other things, you know, whatever. But anyways, I'll say this on camera because I need to do it. But like something I need to start doing is going back into the gym and everything like that. Like I know, obviously, like I make videos about this stuff all the time. Like I know the things that I need to do to start, you know, producing various neurotransmitters in my brain, like serotonin and dopamine and dorfins and all that kind of stuff. I know what I need to do. So, you know, another thing I'm gonna start doing, you know, this coming week is going back into the gym, see how that affects my mood, you know, all sorts of stuff. But anyways, I just wanted to share with you guys my experience, antidepressants, like they're important. Like, you know, if you think that, you know, you are struggling with depression and you can't get out of it, talk to your doctor. Like a psychiatrist can, you know, obviously is the best option, but like primary care doctors can usually get you started and things like that. And like, I haven't gotten to a place where it's so severe where I need to see a psychiatrist. So I just talked to my primary care doctor. So do that. Like if you need to, do that. And these medications are designed to get us to a baseline so we can function and start doing other things. You know what I mean? But again, before I let you go, do not forget to go check out Katie's channel. It's gonna be linked down in the description below. Go check it out. She's an awesome young woman. She's doing a lot of cool things with mental health. Go check her out. All right, but anyways, that's all I got for this video. If you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up. If you're new, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. And a huge, huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on Patreon. You are all amazing. And if you'd like to become a patron, support what I'm doing here and get access to some other perks and benefits here at the top of that Patreon icon right there. All right, thanks again so, so much for watching. I'll see you next time.