(Sung to "Suspicion")
An old man named Whitehead,
whom Harvard hired for his science,
from then on wrote nothing
but metaphysics just for fun—
Process was his subject
Reality his only object—
How best to relate them?
Inventing terms will get it done!
Prehension—causal in part—
Prehension—all nature's smart—
So actual occasions
are people just as well as protons,
and after we're concrescent
we're only objects to be grasped—
We live in durations
(symmetric, transitive co-presence),
and if we're not prehended we relapse!
Are events the answer?
And is our science bifurcated?
One could be of two minds
as whether he was clever or effete—
Could Principia's author
really process all this jargon?
Or was he laid to rest with
a twisted rigored tongue within his cheek?