 So a comment recently came on to the group page asking about a man who she'd been dating for two years and She noticed that he was still online and I'm assuming she meant he was online on a dating site So I think this begs the question about If people are dating multiple people and have a discussion about dating more than one person at a time So let's folk. Let's first decide. What is dating? What is dating? I mean to me dating is the process of getting to know someone It is a vetting process to decide if you want to be in a relationship with someone. That's the purpose of dating Okay, now it's kind of confusing because these days when we're meeting total strangers It's rather confusing to know whether or not they want a Significant relationship. Do they want a casual relationship? Do they want a Situationship do they want friends with benefits? Okay, these are all different forms of relationship. Okay now the dating process is to assess What does this person seek? With respects to alignment to what do you seek? So first and foremost? I think it's critically important to ask what type of relationship. Are you looking for? Now I say this because there's this confusion around this because in many cases in the beginning People don't want anything very complicated because you don't know the person. Okay, that makes sense But I think it's really critically important to decide. What is your end goal? Do you want to live with someone? Do you want to get married? Do you want to have a Significant relationship where you're in partnership with one another first Establish what that is for yourself because of each person it could be different Establish where is the end game? What now? Why is that important? Because when vetting someone you should be at in the dating process asking Whether or not they want the same end game as you now, this is where it gets critically important That's why this is called dating. Okay You finding out what their end game is in relationship with yours has to really Let me let me rewind for a second. It's important to be crystal clear if you're on the same page Because when someone says I want a relationship remember we just define relationship could be marriage Relationship could be living together Relationship could be living together apart that's a form of a relationship and then most people find themselves in what's called casual relationships where there's no end goal a Situationship where there's ambiguity or they find themselves in what is known as friends with benefits types of relationships Okay, so now coming back to dating more than one person at a time and how to tell if he's dating more than one person at a time Okay, first off. Let me just say this when you meet a total stranger for the first time. That's not a date That's called a meet and greet. Okay, that's simply meeting someone to Do what I call the sniff test and the sniff test is like when two dogs get together and they sniff each other out Okay, that's the first the first time you meet someone is a meet and greet if there is an agreement to see each other a second time That's a first date. Okay. Now. You can't really expect someone to be exclusively dating after When that you meet them for the second time and I'm talking about someone who is a stranger in your life, okay? If there was some there was some Referral in other words you met someone referred the two of you together. It was a blind date You got fixed up that sort of thing then the first time you're getting together It's still a meet and greet, but it's a little more significant because when it's a stranger, you know, nothing about them So let me now go back to you've seen them once meet and greet now. You've seen them a second time. Okay So the real question is does a third Does a third meeting get initiated in other words? Is there another date initiated now still at this point? You can't expect someone to be exclusive. However, I think it's really critically important to recognize that to get to know Someone it's very difficult to get to know one person if you're actively dating multiple people at the same time if you're Communicating with multiple people at the same time it gets very confusing to get to know one person So my rule of thumb is if you've had a meet and greet and you've now seen someone three times after that Then at that point there should be some level of agreement That we want to if you've talked about the type of relationship you look for you've unpacked a little bit about your past life and Have a conversation by the fourth or fifth meeting. Okay? I'm calling them meetings, you know, we say the word dates by the but the first meeting second meeting third meeting fourth meeting fifth meeting around that time is to have a deeper conversation about Exploring a relationship and actually saying the words Would you be interested in exploring a relationship? With me are you know having a conversation about that and what would that entail? How often would you see each other and what's the end goal? Now get it ladies a lot of men say things like I'm not looking for a serious relationship Well that okay, so let's ask let's say what does that really mean to you now? I understand that you may not want to be Emotionally over committed in the beginning, but not looking for a serious relationship. Why would I want to invest my time with? Someone who's not looking for a serious relationship. Why should I invest my time? Because if you're seeking something casual, that's not what I'm looking for and If you're not looking for a serious relationship, does that mean you're going to be dating multiple people at the same time? See the only way to tell if a man is dating more than one person at a time a couple things is a Be direct ask him. Do you intend to date multiple people at the same time? I know plenty of men that say yes and women will date these men Hoping that they'll be the one that you're the woman. He'll choose. Well, guess what the other woman is thinking the same thing Okay, so first be direct. Are you dating multiple people at the same time? The second way to tell if he's dating more than one person at a time is How much time is he investing in you to people who live less than an hour drive from one another? To build a relationship You're going to have to spend on average two three four days nights a week together doing shared activities Hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together Teamwork building skills both in your personal and your professional life intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy That's the more time you spend with someone it'll give you an indication of whether or not they're dating multiple people If you're only seeing someone once a week once every other week It stands to reason that he's possibly getting to know other people at the same time doesn't necessarily when I say it stands to reason It's a high probability If someone is looking for a serious significant relationship folks Today we are experiencing what's known as artificial intimacy Many of you are connecting with men. Excuse me through your smartphones through your devices There's a lot of text communication That's not real connectivity. That's artificial connectivity. That's artificial intimacy And yet many women find themselves in this experience of artificial intimacy Meaning they feel connected with someone but it's through, you know, these are devices and that's not real connection See if you want to know if a man is dating more than one woman at a time then you basically agree To explore a relationship and in that agreement you spend a significant amount of time together I want you all to think about this for a second The best way to get to know someone is to live with them That's the best way to get to know someone how they treat their daily life is going to give you a big clear picture on Who they are as a person? Second best way to get to know someone is to take an extended vacation with them somewhere where it's 10 to 15 days On vacation, that's how you get to see someone one they travel how they handle themselves Yeah, you know when you're together see our current dating process is a very long drawn-out strung-out way of just Occasional companionship occasional connection occasional sex Okay, it's not really building something with someone if you really want to build a life with someone then it requires Having deeper conversations and spending regular time with one another Today many women are experiencing artificial intimacy Some connectivity in fact, it's interesting because I was watching a video with Esther Perrell She was talking about in our world today We feel more connected to people than ever before and yet we are lonelier than ever before Humans are lonely Because they're not really connecting face-to-face with people folks It takes a minimum of 40 hours of face-to-face time just to start to get to know someone according to Jay Shetty I've always said it takes about a hundred hours of face-to-face time in a relatively short period of time to build the first layer of Trust and Jay Shetty goes on to say it takes 200 hours of face-to-face time of social activities of hobbies of mutual interest to really begin a friendship with someone and Sleeping in the same bed doesn't count as those hours really doing things together as how you build a relationship with someone Folks you have to decide what is it you want? What is your end goal because I get it people are afraid to commit to someone? They don't know but you have to invest a lot of time with each other to get to know one another and This is the trap we're experiencing today, and I say the trap is You know you meet someone you feel a sense of chemistry you feel a sense of connection You're like God I like this person and then you're thinking of all the hundreds of people it might seem like hundreds of people that you've never had Chemistry with no connection with so you hold out on this one person You're holding out when you're not when you don't really know if you share the same values You don't really know if your lifestyles are blendable and more importantly is this person emotionally mature enough Do they have the relationship skills to actually navigate a relationship? Well, the only way to find out this is to spend a lot of time together and a relatively short period of time I'm talking within three months You should you should be able to spend a ton of time with someone a ton of time You know you can amass a hundred to two hundred hours of face-to-face time in a three month to four month period and It's an evaluation period dating is a vetting process to decide if you really want to give your heart to someone and So when a lot of time is spent via the phone and you're experiencing this artificial in Intimacy well guess what they could be doing that with multiple people and quite frankly You could be doing it with multiple people at the same time That's not the healthy way to approach a relationship. My invitation for everyone is to practice what I call radical honesty It's being vulnerable. It's being authentic. It's being transparent Laying your cards on the table that simply means sharing your past experiences So you can get a sense of who this person was And guess what you can tell a lot if a person is healed from their past because if they haven't healed Guess what they might be unintentionally using you to heal Or they might you the next person the next person to heal And then the rules of engagement is to establish your standard what it is you want in a relationship and basically express your standards And a boundary is simply going Hey, are you know if you don't want the same standard as me that doesn't work for me You've got to really look at it What works for me and ask yourself does this person fit into your life instead of trying to make Trying to convince him to like you you should be evaluating whether or not you like him Of folks I've often said that you know women sit back and they're feminine energy and they're waiting for a man to Lead and I've always said you are in charge of your relationship destiny I want you to think of a relationship as a partnership I want you to think of two lawyers that get together and say we want to be in partnership with one other Those are two sovereign beings that want to partner with one another. There's not one person taking the lead There's not another person taking the lead what they do do is say Hey, my strength is admin and your strength is being the rainmaker. So we take advantage We take we utilize our strengths, but we're two sovereign beings and one person isn't leading Two sovereign beings can co-create a relationship And that's the way I'd like to invite you to start thinking about this dating process Because the reality is is the way to tell if a man is dating more than one person at time Is you should be spending a lot of time together? And if you spend a lot of time together, he doesn't have time to date another person And yes, there's always exceptions to that rule. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Please post a comment below Look, if you find value in our group, please tell your friends about midlife love mastery send them to my website jonathanasley.com Have them click the group coaching button so they can join our fantastic group and i'm going to sign up this videos I always do first off give myself a big gigantic jonathan bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pat a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now. Bye