 An orgasm is a lot like a bass solo. By the time you know it's coming, it's pretty much too late for anyone to stop it. So April was pretty awesome in my neck of the woods because there's a stage nearby that hosts concerts for some truly epic bands. I got to see the Scorpions live about a year ago and it was pretty intense. The drummer ripped off his shirt about four times. Of course, rock concerts aren't just about the band and the music or even the light show or else people would just buy the DVD, get an expertly edited version of the show with all sorts of camera angles and avoid the nightmare of parking paying eight dollars for a pretzel and getting beers spilled on them. Concerts are also about the interaction between the band and the audience, about a group of musicians enthusiastically rocking out for an excited crowd. It's about mosh pits and dancing and screaming and guitar solo so intense that one of the security guys passes out. But if you've ever been to a performance where that kind of energy isn't there, you probably know just how painful it can be. Almost everyone has attended the concert where the lead singer starts by shouting, How is everyone feeling tonight? And gets like one golf clap and a half hearted woo. And some of us have sat in performances where the musicians were clearly there to play a couple of songs, collect their check and go home. That sucks. It's really uncomfortable for everybody involved and honestly I've walked out of some truly terrible concerts where I felt like the evening was better spent getting some dinner and then listening to the CD on the way home. The difference between an epic concert that both the musicians and the audience cherish forever and three hours of nauseating discomfort where everyone is just going through the motions is really about mutual enthusiasm. If anyone's not into it, just go home. We'll all be better off. That sort of shared enthusiasm is also what makes speeches and sports and conventions fun instead of boring. It's also what makes sex fun. When both people having sex are enthusiastic, it can be like an amazing rock concert. But instead of being out 60 bucks in an evening if someone's not into it, lack of mutual enthusiasm and sex can really hurt someone. Like it can damage people's relationships forever because they learn to associate physical intimacy with being compelled to do things that they don't want to do. It can make them feel like sex is a chore to be endured or that their partner doesn't care about them as anything more than a warm masturbation aid. We have this word consent that we use to describe somebody being okay with having sex. Maybe it's just because it's a legal term, but that maybe seems like the bar is being set way too low. If you were going to take somebody to see your favorite band and they said, I guess I consent to let you take me to this concert, you would probably start thinking of somebody else to give that ticket to who wouldn't be a total buzzkill. If you want to do intimate things with someone, whether it's hugging them or something really kinky in the bedroom and they're not enthusiastic about it, trying to push them into it is like being that awkward lead singer up in front of a silent crowd shouting, I can't hear you. I said, how is everyone feeling tonight? You're that lead singer who holds the mic out over the crowd during the chorus and hears only crickets. Sex isn't always great. It's not always pyrotechnics and laser light shows, but at the bare minimum, it should be something that everybody enters into enthusiastically or not at all. Including yourself. We have this sort of weird cultural obsession with sex being that thing you're supposed to want all the time, especially if you're a guy. But sexual desire is a continuum and it varies infinitely between different people and different situations. There are some people who enjoy being porn stars and there are some people who genuinely have no desire for sex at all and it's okay to be anywhere between those extremes at any time. Nobody should ever feel uncomfortable saying, hey, that sounds like a lot of fun, but I really don't feel like it right now. April is the start of concert season, but it's also sexual assault awareness month. A lot of people think that that just means random creepy guys in trench coats forcefully holding down women in dark alleyways because that's the way that is almost portrayed in media. It's actually a much more complicated and pervasive problem than that. Sexual assault can involve physical assault, but it can also involve intimidation or coercion and it affects women and men and children and senior citizens. And it really hinges on the total freedom for anybody at any time to feel comfortable saying they don't feel like doing something and not having to do it. To just walk out of the concert if they're not having fun. I've linked some information in the video description if you want to learn about sexual assault, how to prevent it and how to help its victims recover, but one of the easiest things that you can do is to remember that physical intimacy should be like a good rock concert from start to finish. Enthusiasm is absolutely essential from everyone involved and if it's not there, just get a good DVD and watch it by yourself at home. If this video shed some light on either physical intimacy or rock concert for you, please leave a comment below and let me know what you think. Thank you very much for watching. Don't forget to blah, blah, subscribe, blah, share. And if you want to rock a free thunk sticker, send your mailing address to thunkshowagmail.com and I'll see you next week.