 Asalaamu alaikum and welcome to another episode of Making a House a Home with myself, Sanaa Araji and our guest, Fahima Mohamed, a qualified life coach and a NLP practitioner. Asalaamu alaikum Fahima. Alaykum Asalaam. Now, today we're going to be discussing how to reflect during Ramadan and what does it mean to reflect during Ramadan? Can you emphasise on this? Yeah, absolutely. Reflections, normally people take it upon when something's actually gone. But I want to talk about reflecting during the time. Because when you do it during the time, then you can actually increase that benefit and you can actually keep up the memento, which is what we require, because it's a long month and it's very testing. It is a journey and experience for all of us. And it is to draw us closer towards Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta'ala and to obviously abstain from sins and to increase in our worship and prayer and charity and everything. But while we end the month, we can continue with all of this and it can become an autopilot and we can actually lose sight and focus on its meaning. And reflecting during this month is when it's really most beneficial to us and there are several ways to do it. First of all, looking within ourselves, our minds, our bodies. And the best way to do that is seeing how are the people responding to us. Because that's a good indication as to how we're behaving. And when we have good responses at work with our colleagues, we always have and keep up a certain way of treating others, so that's why we get treated well. But sometimes we find that in our homes, we don't have that happiness and fulfillment, not just in Ramadan but just generally. And we use excuses that we're tired, we're working, whatever it may be, the children, things like that. But we need to reflect on our attitude and our behaviour and our mental state, especially towards the ones that we are responsible for and are responsible for us. It works both ways, between spouses, between siblings, between parents and children, the elderly and that's all in one household. And it's really important that we reflect that when we're doing our prayers, when we're worshipping, that's not separate to the way in which we are acting and behaving. Because it's in between our Salah that we should also be testing ourselves as to how are we taking across and learning from that Salah. We don't just close that prayer mat, the Sajjada, fold it, put it away and it's different. And we talk to Allah in that period of time when we're doing our Salah or Inda or in Tasbih, whatever it is that we're doing. And then when that's over, then we have an attitude which is not necessarily reflecting upon what our teachings should be towards each other in the house. Yeah, definitely. It's almost like we've forgotten that Allah is watching us all the time. Because we switch on maybe during prayer time and then once prayer is done we forgot about that spiritual connection that it's not just during the prayer, it's during every single day of every minute. And there's lots of issues in the home right now. There's a lot of challenges that are faced with regards to our houses and the relationships that we have with each other. And especially when we live under one roof, it is challenging. And there are definitely things that we're going to come across with each other's changes and with each other's ways of being that we may not be satisfied and happy with. So we need to constantly check ourselves and this month is the best time because this is when we're increasing our awareness generally. So it's a good way of trying to increase our awareness as to how we are acting and behaving, especially to our loved ones. And there are our loved ones, don't forget. So we need to constantly remind ourselves that because they're our loved ones don't just be nice to your secretary at work or your boss or your friends. Bring that home and there's blessing there. Actually, that's going to give you that credit, extra credit. That's going to give you that extra success. That's going to bring you and take you to the next level in your life when you bring a smile to the person that deserves it most. And it's the one that gives you that support, even if it's not physical. Even if you think that, oh, she's only at home looking after the kids. I'm the one that's working hard, for example. Or I'm the one that's taking care of the children. He's the one outside having lunches and even though he's at work. It's both ways. We can have these sort of issues. But each and every one of us has a role and we have to bring support and understanding towards that. And when we have that reflection, then only our Salah, only our worship is actually being utilized in the right way and we can see the benefits and reap the rewards. People are like, why is my daughter not answered? Why is my life so same and why is it not improving? It's because you're not learning. Every day in our Salah is a learning. We don't use it like that. We don't reflect in our Salah and also try and take those reflections and imply it practically in our daily habits, in our routines. And the treatment of others is so vital. It's so important. And this is the time that we need to start creating these new habits between us, for each other. And I think it's just so important to talk about this because it's very much brushed across. I think it can be a challenge for a lot of people. I know of people where they find it challenging to balance that and to be consistent and to have that self-discipline all the time. It's quite difficult for some. For example, if the husband is out working all day and he doesn't know of the hardships that the wife is having at home and vice versa if the man is at home and the wife is out. They don't know how each other's day has been. Exactly. So that can be difficult and it can be a challenge to kind of maintain the spiritual behaviour of Ramadan, shall I say, and keep your mind focused and not take out burdens upon each other. That's true, of course, because in order to actually reap the benefits it's not just about the worship. It's having that comfort around you in order for you to actually practice nicely. When you've got something in the back of your mind when someone's not treating you properly or not talking to you in a particular way and you have some sort of issues between each other even when other family members come over and you can pretend and have this sort of facade in front of people. It's side it shows. Even concentration level, a lot of the time, is not there. You have sleepless nights. You don't have that peace of mind when the person that you should be the closest to the ones that you rely upon, the ones that you've had promises made to one another. Even over time, if it does differ and change it should always still have the foundation and the basics there. Even when you don't like that person you've still got to be there to support them and fulfill that responsibility. Saying nice words or saying nothing is probably better than having that harshness and it's no point being angry and lashing out and doing everything right in your Quran, in your Salah, in your charity and then you have a rude word to say to somebody or a bad language that's been said. All of these things make a difference and this is the reflection. This is the reflection about how we need to be so as you said it's difficult. Well, in my line of work everything that we need to create for ourselves is creating a new habit. When I study NLP it's neuro-linguistic programming. Neuro is the way in which we think. Linguistics is the language we use and the program is how we as humans create our habits. That's the programming so we just need to rewire just like a computer and upload new information, new things and yes it takes time but this is the best time to start because this is when you have that awareness this is when you want to do things differently so you can carry it forward. So take this time to reflect not just on the specific and the regulated and the obligatory duties those duties are there for you to take home literally home and practice it on your family practice it with that. Don't just go to Dua Kamel don't just go to the Amal and listen to the lectures in the mosque and then come home and have a different attitude. I know we were discussing on previous episodes about time now actually some people might finally have more time during Ramadan because they're eating less so they're having to prepare less meals during the day so perhaps maybe would you say people could utilize that time to reflect or to kind of have a look at their behaviors during the month of Ramadan. Do you know what I actually do I mean myself I find although I have a hectic lifestyle I do find that during Ramadan I do have a bit of time because I'm not having to maybe prepare as many meals and it's just the one meal and so maybe if I have a few hours instead of focusing on just the cooking I can maybe use that to read some Qura'an maybe read some Dua'a do some supplications or just maybe think what is it that I'm trying to achieve what do I want what am I trying to gain during this Ramadan so you know maybe perhaps That's definitely what you've just said also and it had made me remind what I would like to say next and when you're saying about reflecting and how to do that specifically I know we always emphasize to pray and we have to read Qura'an and increase our worship but to take time out because as humans we do need to take a break from everything and balance and the way in which we can reflect in a really good and healthy way as well which is for our body and mind is to meditate or do some yoga doesn't mean that we're fasting and we cannot exert ourselves in a physical manner but those sort of things even if it's for 5 or 10 minutes it can make a huge difference to everything that you're feeling and meditation is really powerful it's also part of reflection even if you meditate a couple of minutes before Salah to prepare yourself for that or you meditate just during the day like you said as used as a reflection or in the night before you sleep those things are really useful and that's being mindful as well as a mindfulness coach having a certificate in that I have also advised all my clients to be focused when you are focused in the moment you are much more at ease because your mind is not wondering about what you should have done what you could have done or what you're going to do because you're just in that moment concentrating on what it is you need to do for that time so you're less stressed and you are much more balanced because you're just living by the moment doing what you need to do then then moving on to the next and then moving on to the next and it is a control thing it is a habitual thing that you have to create for yourself over time when you have that awareness and that thought creeps in every time you feel a little bit of anxiety and stress and you just hold yourself back and breathe we don't breathe we don't even take those steps to even just breathe and just take in whatever we need to for that moment and pause that's when you can have those reflections reflective times and that's when you can focus on yourself what is it that I have done in the day what have I done to that I can improve what have I done that was actually made me feel good about myself what could I have done better and that's really things that we need to question daily but in Ramadan we can do that even more so because that spirituality is alive that awareness should be there anyway just reading Quran all the time without actually reflection is no real benefit reading reading Salah and all the extra worship is there and we should do it but that's why people feel that they're on a mundane groundhog day sort of like routine because they're not utilizing it's like you just brushing the surface of what it is that the keys and the treasures are of this religion yeah definitely I mean it's like almost like a tick-off list so Quran I'm going to make sure that I read the whole Quran I'm going to focus I'm going to do this amount of pages and you just tick it off but maybe not everyone is doing reflection as with that and with the mindfulness and the kind of the techniques that you were just explaining can someone do that in a busy environment for example if you have children running around does it have to be quiet or can it be like a busy household I'm so glad you asked that question because a lot of the time we think we have to be in a Zen place that's what I thought the thing is I actually have a good technique and a way of thinking that in order to be mindful is that you've got to sort of this time round actually put yourself in a bubble even amongst the chaos so that you can actually perform and be your best regardless of your environment and that's when you are in control and that's when you're powerful and it's a good technique to have children teach have as well because if they're in a chaotic classroom and the teacher's not being able to control the children but they can still sit down and concentrate and do what they need to do and if that was instilled from a young age that is extremely powerful and we can do that as adults all the time it's just like I said it's being focused even amongst the noise I guess you don't think about it doing with children because you automatically think children won't be able to sit down but I've used similar techniques with my children and I know others who have where they've done yoga before bedtime and that really stimulates them and it also winds them down so if you have maybe hyperactive children I mean try that because it works for me and my children it winds them down before bed so I think it's kind of a good technique you can do with your children don't you think? Of course it's a really good thing to do as a family because we do have the daily stresses of life not to say that it doesn't exist of course it does but like I said there are techniques there are things that we can do that can bring us to this place that we need to be and especially in order to benefit to the maximum in this time you know in the spiritual month and to make it the best is to be in those moments and that's when you will reap the benefits and the rewards to the extent that you'll be much more satisfied because that learning then has become practical it's all about the practice of it not just being in a parrot form where you will just recite or just perform in autopilot mode and like you said taking off the boxes without any sort of like reflection as to how is that impacting in my daily routine and life how is that impacting in my attitude in my you know my daily sort of like you know behaviors now these are the things people just totally ignore and they expect it to just come around no you got to work for it you got to make it happen you got to take and seek the knowledge as well in order to know that this mindfulness exists this meditation exists this technique and strategy and the tools are there yeah so this is not just about everyday life living you can use it for your religious purposes you can use it to benefit you so that you can actually you know take this level to a level which is what you never expected definitely yeah and going back to what we were discussing about behavior between spouses yeah would you say communication is vital because that could perhaps reduce any sort of problems between the spouse definitely so at least they have an understanding of actually what their day has been like maybe just messaging each other saying you know look I've had a bit of a stressful day yeah warning them so yeah like a free warning so when they come home you might not just you know you might just be a bit more understanding and a bit more patient of course do you think that that's something that is all good but you know communication you know we use it very loosely but communication is wide and the language we use and the way we say it and the physiology like our body you know language says a lot you know we can say the right words use the right language but with the wrong attitude it can come out totally different so your intention of saying something first needs to be good okay because even when you're texting something yeah right if the intention is not right trust me the other person will read it the wrong way and they will feel you I feel I can sense people through their text messages yeah you know it's powerful it really is so you need to have the right intentions for whatever you're doing and especially in something like this okay so have you know reflection in order to increase and improve your actual intention because all of that your heart and mind and body will you know sort of like come out in your behavior okay in your character yeah and your virtues and this is what we need to reflect on as the role models that we are you know here to sort of you know learn from yeah you know this is what it was about character building the virtues and that comes from prayer how people don't understand how because they're not reflecting yeah they're not using that source and it is a tool and they're just seeing it as a physical activity we know it's much more yeah definitely and it can be quite testing for parents when they're trying to keep with the spiritualality of Ramadan but they come into conflict maybe with family relatives relatives and these can impact how your your mental state and also your ability to to kind of keep calm and cool yeah and that can also impact your children's behavior so children are so observant they can monitor you know their mom and their dad they can see how their behavior is and they will react upon that as well so it kind of reflects reflection in general kind of impacts the whole family home yeah when you are tired and hungry and you know you're basically fasting generally you know to meditate is a really good way of relaxing you yeah so you forget that and it brings it back it hones it in as to the reality of why we're doing this yeah we know that yes there are people out there that are less fortunate to us but we don't actually feel it when you meditate you can feel it yeah you can feel it in so many ways you know and that's what the beauty of it is and that's why you know the job that I do helps so many people in so many different areas and it can take into any speciality I'm nicheless it can go anywhere and everywhere businesses you know personal relationships in whichever area you actually want it to yeah and in any situation it's very very informative and it comes from our religion anyways it's just that we don't know how to read it yeah thank you very much for your insight on this topic and insha'Allah we can all try and implement this and try and reflect a bit more during the holy month of Ramadan insha'Allah we're going to go for a break now and we'll be coming back answering some of the viewers questions so insha'Allah we'll see you soon assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh assalamu alaikum and welcome back to the second part of making a house a home we've been discussing how to reflect during Ramadan and the ways we can reflect during Ramadan but now we've got some questions from the our dear viewers that I'm going to put forward to you Fahima so our first question is from Zahra and she says that she's a mum of two and she finds it hard to keep cool and calm down during Ramadan especially with young children running around how can she implement mindfulness or reflection in her day to day life the thing is it's not just in Ramadan that you have to actually be cool and calm for children generally it should be a practice always it's not nice to be tweeting anyone in that way let alone you know in a particular time of month and yes it's definitely challenging and you know you're tired you're hungry and your stress levels are like beyond norm and when you've got crying children or whatever then yes as humans we are going to perform as humans as well the thing is it's not about totally eradicating these sort of moments the fact is we have to grab whatever feelings we have and we have to hold it in accept it and then let it go and that's one way of looking at it so if we angry what do we do normally we'll tell our kids you know count to ten so pause so before it comes out of your mouth you know instead of letting it out you know try to have some sort of self control self restraint that's the whole idea what you've done is to practice this so that because it's not just you know in this month that you have to control yourself and have a good attitude and be nice and kind to your family and friends it's for you to carry forward throughout the year so you know don't get sort of like carried away thinking you know all of this and obviously I understand the fact that with this time of month it is a lot more stressful and most people cannot have that real control that they would normally have but at the same time you can look at it and say because it's a month of blessing that actually I'm going to be a bit calm and I'm going to let things go you know there's a different way of looking at it so you can look at it at that and say you know I'm not actually going to even you know worry so much about the little things that's going to actually get my back up so much and that's another way of looking at it so that your reactions and your behaviors will change with that attitude so you think about what it is that upsets you what is it that your child does in order to get you in that situation and be more advanced in your preparation in your planning you can foresee it you're a mom you know your child sometimes and obviously things happen randomly too but that's the odd cases but usually we know in our households how things work and we can plan and prepare for it so it's about planning and preparing and like I said if you were to practice yoga yourself if you were to meditate yourself that brings upon a calmness within you that little things will not annoy you and you're focused in what you need to do yeah and your responses to other people especially your children is really vital because you're teaching them how to also respond by you know you doing it in a particular way yeah that's great advice definitely and the child if they were perhaps to also like we were saying before also do some mindfulness or yoga that could calm them down and then ultimately there wouldn't be so much chaos within the home for the parents to get upset yeah a lot of the time it's lack of organizations you know we always behind in time because we're not planning we're not preparing and yes things do happen randomly but when you're prepared you can act upon that randomness yeah and you can prepare for it even if it's last minute because all the rest have already been taken care of and you know things do happen in that way yeah so the basics should always be there you need to be militant in your household you know with your children with their education with their learning homework with your cooking with your relationships in your attitude all of these things is you know part of life it's a balancing act yes and we're juggling more than one or two three things in the air but that's the whole point of it yeah and Amalani is a good way of training ourselves and reminding ourselves how to be and how to behave to take it for the rest of the month okay so you know try that out with regards to being mindful and doing you know yoga's really really really good because you know our body needs it anyway it's really really relaxing sure that's great we can try and all implement yeah bits of that in our life and now the second viewer is Leila and she says what tips can you give on getting the most benefit out of the last few days of Ramadan already those last few nights of Ramadan is very special it's a blessing in itself yeah you know it's the night of a thousand nights where you know it's the most blessing anyways so obviously you know just having that knowledge knowing that you know yes we we should sleep and we need to rest but if you were to give yourself that time to do more worship in that in those last few months then absolutely you know make the effort to do that and plan for it take some time out you know people can take time off work I know a lot of people they do for the last few days of Ramadan so it is something that if you love you'll take time out it's like for a holiday make that part of your holiday plan so you can actually reap benefits in a proper way for the rest of the family and even if your kids are at school and they can't take a break but you at least you have that that break yourself so you can be up all night and you can relax maybe time during the day if you have to but you know so you actually you know the night time prayer is so beneficial it's so important to do all the rest of the actual worship you know reading extra Quran and helping and being outside as well in the community and you know and educating yourself because we we hear the same stories every year year upon year when it comes to Muharram when it comes to Ramadan but you'll be so amazed if you go back and just sometimes always reflect on the on the beginning and the foundation and the spirituality and the essence these words are not used anymore you know this is what it is about Ramadan and when you have that reflection and you take that time to even read books even if you think I know it but maybe read it to your child to remind them and yourself you'll pick things up that you never did before or you'll remind yourself of things that you've forgotten yeah exactly and that's when you can make the most of this month and we don't know really you know whether anything is going to be accepted so it's all about having the right intention yeah definitely and like you were saying about you know taking time off prioritizing certain things rearranging your timetable so for the last few days you can you know let things go so that you're able to do you know your worship and prioritize and even if that means you know like you were saying taking a day off so you're able to sleep I guess that is better to do for yourself so you can gain the blessings and the reward from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala absolutely so that was great advice now we have another viewer Lath and his question is if I cannot perform the Amal on Laila Al-Qadir as I'm on a course will I not receive the same blessings you know even when we have time and we're doing everything we honestly don't know what's been accepted and what's not a lot of the times when we're doing everything we see people quite arrogant and egotistic thinking that because we've done it we sat there every night that we are you know we are like the ones that are like we've given all the reward and blessing we still don't know so just having the intention of wanting to do something even if you haven't done it and your mouth your tongue is always available for some sort of you know worship and prayer so even if you're not having the time if you're on your course whatever it may be that you don't have the real sort of time to sit down and do the Amal like everyone else but knowing that you have that heart and that intention and that love for Allah and that you want to seek that is the connection people can do all of these things but they have no connection so it's all about having the intention and the right connection and even with whatever little you can do you will be given blessings just your thought feeling that you're not doing enough Allah will give you the rewards more than the person that's doing it for real and that's the most amazing thing about it and people don't realize that it's true it's all about your your intention to do so I mean going back to what you were saying about you know there are some people who do that Amal and they do everything and that you know Masha Allah that's amazing but I know some instances of some people where they've gone to pray in in masjids in mosques and they've had instances where situations where everyone kind of looks out for themselves and they just want to go and they don't want to call others to come join with them to do the Amal Yes that's very true actually and I know of certain situations with certain individuals where this has actually happened whereas surely we should be trying to get everyone to do it all together because them getting a blessing and a reward is like you're getting a reward and we should be more inclusive in that way because you know everyone at the same is in the same boat and we all want to be blessed from Allah so it's always good to kind of get everyone involved and not just think about you know it's my Amal it's just for me and you know me me and I just need to do it because it's my structure routine let's think about others around us so it's good that you had mentioned that because you know there's a few instances where situations have happened like that Yeah we have to be self less Yeah exactly in everything that we do and actually even if it's taken away from our obligatory because we're helping someone else to do theirs first you don't even know if that reward is going to come to you too Exactly yeah because that's what character building is that's what the virtues you know is what we know of in the Ahl al-Bait Yeah and that's why we need to constantly remind ourselves of these stories and that's when we can actually you know relive it we always say oh they they're too high infallible we cannot reach that yes we can in the most basic level just by not being selfish that alone is something that we can do Yeah use them as our role models they're our teachers the best of teachers so we might not be exactly like them but we can try and strive and do the same things that they've implemented in their lives and try and take it and learn from it Absolutely because they're the best of teachers so we should embrace their teachings in our everyday life so you know I just think generally you know reflection in this month is extremely important yeah we normally reflect at the end of the day at the end of Ramadan at the end of whatever it may be mm-hmm but reflect daily yeah I think that's what the main issue is and reflect upon ourselves first because you know we can be the influence we can make that difference and it starts with us yeah you know we are the change that we want to see it's a very famous way of saying it because everyone knows it but do we practice it? No and put what we feel that we have learnt and what we have prayed into our practice itself that's the difficulty isn't it that's the difficulty yeah there's no point in you praying and then having an attitude which does not match and preaching that you do not practice all of these things make a difference and that's what we need to constantly remind ourselves even if there's two three things like that just what I've just said is enough to improve us yeah and to make us move forward and it will discipline us as well so that we get used to that routine and so when we need to it will be easier for us to reflect and as often as possible so thank you very much for that I've got one more question and that's from Bushra and she says what is the advice we can give ourselves to improve our character? well we just mentioned the role models yeah and I think that's the best way and they have the most styles and tribulations so in our lifestyle and our daily routines we're so so you know lucky with everything that we have we're so fortunate yeah yet we still complain so to improve ourselves go back to that re-educate re-remind yourselves completely constantly and the foundations are only going to be solid when you constantly reflect on those foundations as well because you know those basics are the ones that are the pillars and that's what's going to keep you strong okay and if you want to improve in your character like I said you know watch people around you as to how they respond to you because you know not everyone's going to give you the correct information obviously that you have to be aware of but the ones that are close to all you with constantly continuously you're going to understand as to why they're acting like this towards me why they're behaving because you know is it me we're going to take responsibility for that so it's a good indication as to how we are ourselves if we're going to get constant feedback in a particular way when we get constant feedback in a particular way we don't like it we either defend ourselves or we either retaliate or we either counter or whatever it is instead of saying hang on was it really me what is it that I did to make her or him think and act and behave in that way or respond in that way now that's taking responsibility you know being okay with being wrong and that's okay with being someone who wants to improve and was trying to improve because we all have our shortcomings and shortfalls and we have that in different stages in our lives and we go through stuff that we sometimes we forget ourselves okay yeah so to build yourself and to build your character is just constant reflection look in the mirror more and don't compare yourself to somebody else ever that's the thing isn't it when we compare ourselves that's where the problem occurs do you think we should embrace our how can I say this embrace the things that we've done wrong so that we can say do you know what we've done it wrong that's it I'm wrong so how can I move forward do you think that could help build a good character it's not even yeah it's definitely that it's basically comparing yourself to your previous self that's all it is okay so you know you reflect upon yourself as to how you were and how have you improved and what more you can do and what do you want to inspire to and one of the techniques as well that I use as a success technique is in businesses where you have a role model whether it's a a real person that you know or celebrity even it doesn't really matter as long as you have someone above you that you feel that you want to mirror and you study them you study them completely and that's your success and you act and walk and even talk and dress and think like them and that's what becomes the character that you want to be and build and that's a very useful technique to use and if you have friends and you can perhaps look up to pick up the good things about them and implement that in your life I mean I know I do that myself where if I have friends I'll look at and I'll ask them for advice and I'll pick out the good things and I'll try and implement it in my life and if it works it works if it doesn't I'll move on and find another thing and I know many other people who have that similar technique so I guess we could perhaps try and maybe use that way of building our character and and look forward in that direction and open yourselves more to outside you know the views read a lot more yeah you know that opens up thoughts and ideas that we've never done before I think it's really important to do that when you're seeking things you know these self-help books and development books or just you know reading a biography of a role model whatever it may be see their journey and that will actually build you and obviously with us we have so many characters you know the best of characters yeah and we only concentrate on the few when there is a whole you know legacy of them you know the 12 Imams each and every one of them had something that we can learn from exactly there's so much wisdom in there which we don't even take that time and knowledge to even read about yeah and they each had some aspect in their lives that we can learn from or take from definitely so many ways yeah Fatima Tazahra Zaynab Rukhaya you can look into their lives of how they were tolerant how their character was and implement parts of that in your life and inshallah that should help you build a good character definitely definitely and it brings about things that we don't use in our vocabulary anymore it's about being patient and grateful you know counting your blessings we always you know especially in this day and age with social media we're framed to seeing and looking at things in a lens which is very much narrow and it's only in that moment and we make it like as if it's their whole lifestyle and we're the ones that are you know missing out or we're not doing what the other person's doing but actually you know we are so blessed so we need to really reflect on that more than anything and to see you know that the characters that were around at the time of the debate we need to bring about those vocabulary again we need to be patient and gratefulness and and implement that with ourselves in our own families in our own homes you know be kind to one another even when you don't like that spouse that you're with for that moment kind be respectful you know be civil yeah once that is there in place no matter what the situation you will eliminate anything else that's bad just having that respect for each other and building a friendship and use friendships with our families we don't have family friendships anymore we only think that it's friends for outside no we need to be friends with our children at times we need to be friends with our husbands and wives our parents even we need our time as friends definitely you know and as we mentioned before the outside community and society are looking at us so we need to give them something to look at which is good definitely if you have that character you can teach your children so that they don't have issues and that they are they're instilled from a young age that this is the way to build a strong character so when they go out into the world big world they're not going to find it such an issue they're going to be strong and confident independent and have the teachings of Ehl al-Bayt al-Humma Salam inside of them so I think it's not just ourselves that we need to think about our surroundings as well and the impact that we have and it wouldn't it be so wonderful that if your child was ever asked what is trustworthiness and what does that mean and they look at their mom and dad and say that's what it means that's what we need to sort of aspire to become Insha'Allah well that's really great a great insight thank you very much for Hima I've definitely learnt a lot and I'm sure our dear viewers have learnt a lot from this we've all gained great insight and knowledge from this topic thank you dear viewers for sending in your questions I hope that we've answered them for you and Insha'Allah we'll see you next time on making a house a home and Insha'Allah we've all benefitted from this conversation Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh