 The Jack Benny program transcribed and presented by Lucky Strike. Lucky's taste better. Be spines, debacle, lucky strike, Be spines, debacle cleaner, fresher, smoother, Lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, Striking spines, debacle, lucky strike, Be spines, debacle cleaner, fresher, smoother, Better get a carton, better. Hello friends, this is Don Wilson. Lucky's do taste better, cleaner, fresher and smoother. And you know, a nationwide survey in 80 leading colleges based on actual student interviews, reveals that more smokers in these colleges prefer Lucky's than any other cigarette. By a wide margin, too. What's more, Lucky Strike gained far more smokers in these colleges than the nation's two other principal brands combined. And why? Lucky's better taste. Yes, sir. Better taste is the number one reason the students gave for smoking Lucky's. Of course, when it comes to real smoking enjoyment, nothing. No, nothing beats better taste. And Lucky Strike is the cigarette that gives you better taste. So get the cleaner, fresher, smoother taste you want in your cigarette. Next pack you buy, make it Lucky Strike. Lucky, striking spines, debacle, lucky strike, Be spines, debacle cleaner, fresher, smoother, Better get a carton, better get a carton, Better get a carton, better get a carton, The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Rochester, Dennis Day, Bob Crosby and yours truly done well. Ladies and gentlemen, immediately after this program, Jack Benny does his television show. Meanwhile, let's go back to last Thursday and show you how our gang spent Thanksgiving. Our scene opens in Jack's home in Beverly Hill. Northern Day. Rochester. I'm working all the time. I'm nothing but a one man assembly line. Come over you. You've been singing all day today. Well, I'm happy, boys. Here it is, Thanksgiving. I could have been born in Turkey. In an oven undressed and people looking in at me every few minutes. I know, I know. Say, Rochester, I'm going to Miss Livingston's house for a Thanksgiving party. So will you help me get dressed? I'm going formal. Okay, but if I were you, I'd change my mind about wearing that old tuxedo. Why, what'd you do to it? Oh, it's nothing I did, boys. But the last time I went together, the closet was full of moths. Moths? Oh, my goodness. Were they eating my tuxedo? Eating it? They didn't even look up when I came in. Well, do you think the holes will show? I'll face it, boys. Here, I'm still going to wear them pretty soon. And Mary, I got a surprise for you. I'm going to dress formal. Mary, my tuxedo isn't green. Okay, Mary. I'll bring you half a dozen roses. Well, no, the roses alone don't, Mary, but you're going to the expense of the entire dinner. Why, why should you spend any more? No, after all you're doing enough. Jack. Oh, oh, oh. Well, Mary, you didn't have to beat around the bush. Why don't you come right out and say so? Of course I'll bring them. Goodbye. I'll get a Rochester. When you say I beg your pardon, then I'll come back to you when you ask me to. Hello, Mr. Binnie. Well, hello, sir Kessel. What brings you here? I was passing by and I stopped to wish you a happy Thanksgiving. Oh, that's nice of you. Come on in. Thank you. Wait till I tie this leash. Oh, you, you got your dog with you? No, my turkey. I'm taking it out for a walk. Mr. Kessel, you're taking a turkey for a walk? A long walk. Why? By the time we get home, she'll be so glad to lay down. The rest will be easy. Oh, well, tell me, Mr. Kessel, are you going to have much company at your Thanksgiving dinner? My wife's relatives. Oh, just your wife's relatives? Just. Who should have so many listeners? How many are going to be there? My wife's mother and father, her sister, Claudette, her three brothers, one of her aunts, two of her nephews, and a distant cousin from Wyoming. Wyoming? Wild Bill Shapiro. Wild Bill Shapiro? Yeah. Oh, he's a cowboy? No, I used car dealer. Hey, your wife, your wife really, really has a big family. Do they always come to your house for Thanksgiving dinner? Unfortunately, yes. And this time they came early. When did they come? In 1947. Mr. Kessel, you're joking. Well, I got to be going, Mr. Benny. Goodbye. So long, Mr. Kessel, and a happy Thanksgiving. Of course, myself. Imagine so many relatives. Oh, my goodness, look what time it is. Rochester, help me get dressed now. I'm late for Miss Livingston's party. See, I bet the whole gang is there already having a wonderful time. Oh, Mary, it's your turn to sing. Not me. I'll tell you what, Mary. Let's sing a number together. Yeah, go ahead, kids. The sportsman quartet will join you. So you think that love's a barrel of dynamite? Hooray and hallelujah, you had it coming to ya. Goodie, goodie for you. Goodie, goodie for me. And I hope you're satisfied you're right for you. Every time you lie to lucky, you're gonna say. Goodie, goodie, cause the luckies make much better in every way. Goodie, goodie. Goodie, goodie. Lucky's life takes better too. They're a smoother smoke, it's true. Take a look at that fine tobacco. Cleaner through and through. Rochester, hallelujah. My luckies, my luckies. Everybody's gonna have a fine time tonight. Goodie, goodie. With a song and dance, the party has started right. Be happy and go lucky. Smoke luckies from Kentucky. Goodie, goodie for you. Goodie, goodie for you. Yes, goodie, goodie for me. Goodie, goodie for me. Lucky's life's a better taste than cigarettes. It's a swell idea you're bringing the whole band here to Mary's house. Well, I thought it'd be kind of nice to have some music. Bob, I don't mind your band being here, but your boys have a lot of nerve putting one of my best dishes on the piano for an ashtray. What ashtrays? That's for tips. I got a gang. Say, Mary, when do we eat? Not till Jack gets here. Mary, I don't care for myself, but I wish you'd feed the boys in the band. They're starving. Well, uh, can't they hold out? Well, I don't think so. Gee, I just passed them some crackers and bagby ate my wristwatch. No. Yeah, you thought the strap was a long-hand chobie. Can just about a few minutes. I hope so. I've been here ever since 6.30 this morning. 6.30 this morning. Dennis, how come you got here so early? Well, I got to come by bus and I wanted to make sure I'd be here on time. Well, Dennis, how far do you live from here? Three miles. Well, if you only lived three miles away, why did you start out so early? Who knew I'd take the right bus? Well, then you did take the right bus. It must have been a got me to San Diego in time to catch the plane back here. Wait a minute, Dennis. You took a bus to San Diego and then flew back here to Los Angeles. Why'd you do that? Well, the only way I know how to get to your house is from the airport. Oh, fine. Don, you better take Dennis home tonight. Sure, Murray. What time do you want to go, Dennis? Well, anytime, Don. Our plane doesn't leave for San Diego till midnight. Your mother and father celebrate Thanksgiving? No. I didn't think so. When the food's all ready, let me know and I'm going to help you serve it. Well, thank you, Bob. But it won't be necessary. I've hired a butler for the day. I'll get it. Oh, hello, Jack. What took you so long? I don't know, but it's about time. It took me so long, Murray. I had a stop for the flowers. Here you are, Murray. Well, thank you. Is everybody here? Sure, they're in the living room. Let's go in. Did wear that old tuxedo, didn't you? Oh, it's not so old. Hiya, fellas. Hiya, Jack. Wow, say that is original. What? Oh, a tuxedo made out of chlorophyll. This is not made out of chlorophyll. Well, I could use a little. Never mind. It's a perfectly good suit. There's nothing wrong with it. I've got one just like it. You see? I wear it in all the St. Patrick's Day parades. Dennis, do me a favor. Don't be on my side. Now go sit down. Thanks. I've been here ever since 6.30. He thinks I'm going to ask him why he's crazy. For a million dollars, I'm not going to go through what happened three weeks ago. Well, say, Jack. Jack, you should have been here a few minutes ago. I did a tap dance. You did, eh? Well, you kids must have been having a lot of fun. Yeah, gee, it's great getting together on Thanksgiving like this. You said it, Bob. And this year, you know, we should all be thankful. I know I am. See, when I get up in the morning and I hear the birds singing, I got the beautiful moonlight at night. I get all the fresh air I need. All the sunshine I want. So far, it hasn't cost you a dime. What are you complaining about? You got your flowers, didn't you? Now, let's not stand around arguing. What we need is entertainment. That's right. Say, Dennis, it'll be a little while before we eat. So how about a song? Yeah, come on, Dennis. How about it? Come on, Denny, go ahead. Yeah, it's about time somebody asked me. I've been here ever since 6.30. I'm not going to ask him why. Jack, while Dennis is singing, will you mix the salad? Sure, Mary, but let me wear your apron. I don't want to get my tuxedo dirty. Okay, here you are. Thanks. Now, Dennis, go ahead and sing your... I'll get it, Mary. I'll get the door. Hold the song like I'm back in. When you say I beg your pardon, then I'll come back to you. When you ask me to. Yes? How do you do? Is this Miss Livingston's residence? Yes, yes, it is. Well, Miss Livingston is expecting me for Thanksgiving dinner. Oh, oh, we'll come right in. You got here just in time. The fun's just starting. Oh, nice. Here, uh... Here, let me take your hat. Thank you. Your coat? Thank you. Now, follow me. Hey, kids! Oh, oh, pardon me. I didn't introduce myself. I'm Jack Benny. How do you do? I'm the new butler. Hey, kids! What? The butler? Yes, are you the downstairs maid? I happen to be a guest here. I'm wearing this apron because I don't want to get salad dressing on my chlorophyll. I mean my tuxedo. If you're the butler, the kitchen is right through that door. Thank you. Jack, who was at the door? Nobody. Well, whose coat and hat are you carrying? Oh, Donna, they're your butlers. He just came in. All right, all right. Go ahead and sing, Dennis. Well, Mr. Benny, I'm going to introduce a new song, and if you like it, maybe you'll want to use it on your television show. Maybe. Let's hear it. Time. I've been here ever since 6.30. Dennis, I'm not going to ask you why, so be quiet. Hey, kids, I'll tell you what. Let's all march in the dining room. Let's have a good old conga line. Okay. If you can't control it, don't swing it. Heaven's sake. Oh, Jack, you and your ideas. Now come on in, fellas. The dinner will get cold. Okay. On top of the piano. It's out of there. That's for the boy. Hard aleck butler, anyway. I'll get. Hey, Kroveney. Yes, sir. Kroveney, we're ready. Kroveney, why did you come in here barefooted? Where are your shoes? I'm sorry. I took them off by mistake. What? I used to work in a winery. I was a joke. Just bring in the food. All right. What a butler. I mean, I still can't understand what made you hire him. Dinner is served. Here's the turkey. Gee, that turkey looks good. Jack, will you do the carving? Sure. I love to carve. Give me that knife. Mary, what do you want? White meat or dark meat? White meat, please. How about you, Dennis? Oh, I'll have a drumstick. Okay. Now, Don, would you like the white meat, dark meat, a leg, or a wing? Yes, thank you with mashed potatoes. He's eating with his hands. Yeah. Hey, Bagby. What do you want? Have you tried your knife and fork? Yes, and they're delicious. I eat everything. Rest bands, jewelry, shoe horns. How do you like that? Oh, Miss Livingston, shall I serve the hot biscuits now? Yes, Proveni. I'll have one. Very well. There. Proveni, don't throw the biscuits. Certainly not. Why don't you stand closer to the table? I've been watching these people eat, and I don't want to get any on me. Serve the food and not to antagonize the guests. Yes, madam. See, Mr. Benny, how about making a speech? Yeah, go ahead, Jack. Say something. Well. You know, this is the first time we've all had dinner together in a long time, so go ahead and make a speech. Okay. Well, kids, it sure nice for all of us to be here on Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving, a day set aside where families can get together in common bond and humbly give thanks in the spirit of brotherly love. Here, here. Thank you. Yes, Thanksgiving, a day that was originally started by the Pilgrim Fathers, the Pilgrim Fathers, that stalwart staunch group of men and women who left their native shore. Don, stop eating. And after many months of suffering, had their hardship rewarded by safely landing at Cape Cod in the year of 1620. Yes, our Pilgrim Fathers. Jack. Our Pilgrim Fathers. Jack. What has it done? The Pilgrims didn't land at Cape Cod. They landed at Plymouth Rock. No, no, no, no, Don. It was Cape Cod. Jack. Jack, any schoolboy knows it was Plymouth Rock. How can you say Cape Cod? Don, don't tell me anything about history. I went to school, too. I say the Pilgrims landed at Cape Cod. They didn't land at Cape Cod. It was Plymouth Rock. Don, they landed at Cape Cod. And if you don't... Yeah, put down that carving knife. Oh, pardon me. Beast. Now, Don, this is Thanksgiving, so let's not quarrel. You think it was Plymouth Rock? I know it was Cape Cod. You can take my word for it. I know what I'm talking about. Well, so do I. It was Plymouth Rock. It was Cape Cod. Oh, for heaven's sake, cut it out. Crove, and he served the dessert, will you? I will if those two gentlemen will get off the table. I will if he will. I'll have some more of that white meat. That's my leg. You should have told me sooner. I put some gravy on it. Don Wilson, I think it's awful for you to come here on Thanksgiving, except Mary's hospitality, and start a big argument like this. I didn't start the argument. You did. And you can ask anybody, and they'll tell you the pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock. I don't care who you ask. I still say they landed at Cape Cod. Jack, for goodness' sake, finish the speech you started. I'll do it if everybody else... Now, as I was saying, friends, we're gathered here on Thanksgiving Day in a spirit of friendship. I gathered at 6.30. A word that in itself represents that binding tie between all people. Let's try, friends. Let's try to keep the feeling that it's so prevalent on this day throughout the entire year. So whenever you feel discouraged, just think of the spirit of those pilgrims who sailed across the ocean deep and finally landed at Cape Cod. Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be back in just a minute because I want to tell you about my television show which goes on immediately after this program. At first... Lucky! Beats find tobacco cleaner, fresher, smoother, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, striking, striking, tobacco, lucky, striking, striking, tobacco, cleaner, fresher, smoother. Better get a carton, better get a carton, better get a carton today! Friends, you'll cheer Lucky's too once you smoke them because in a cigarette, nothing. No, nothing beats better taste. And Lucky's do taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Now, this better taste starts with Lucky's fine, mild, good tasting tobacco. Everybody knows L-S-M-F-T, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. And just as important, Lucky's taste better because they're made better. They're made round and firm and fully packed to give you a cleaner, fresher, smoother taste. No wonder a nationwide survey based on actual student interviews and 80 leading colleges reveals that more smokers in these colleges prefer Lucky's than any other cigarette. Yes? And Lucky Strike gained far more smokers in these colleges than the nation's two other principal brands combined. Now, the number one reason the students gave for smoking Lucky's was better taste. No doubt about it, nothing. No nothing beats better taste. And Lucky's taste better. Cleaner, fresher, smoother. Remember that when you step up to your favorite cigarette counter. Be happy. Go Lucky. Get better taste today. Be happy. Go Lucky. Get better taste today. Of course you haven't got time to read. You're supposed to do your television show in 30 seconds. I know Rochester. I'm not reading. I'm just looking something up in this history book. There it is. In the year of 1620, the pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock. Hmm. Gee, it wasn't Cape Cod. It was Plymouth Rock. Don Wilson was right. Well, I hate to do this, but I guess I'll just have to call him up and fire him. He's so smart, he can get another job. See you in a few seconds, folks. Jack Benny program this week was written by Milk Josephsburg, John Tackerberry, Hal Gordon, Hal Goldman, and produced and transcribed by Hilliard Mark. Jack Benny program is brought to you by Lucky Strike, product of the American Tobacco Company, America's leading manufacturer of cigarettes. This is the CPS Radio Network.