 Hey everybody, welcome to week two of Head vs. Heart where we, and yeah, I mean we as a collective, help somebody figure out their dilemma in sex, love, or relationships. How we do it is we read out a question and then I'm going to give two different types of responses, one from the head, one from the heart. And then you guys at home, my squad, my team are going to help collectively decide which is the better response. So please be sure to comment. Anyhow, we're going to get into this week's question, which is a very relatable one. All right, I met this guy on Tinder and we were both looking for a friend to benefits thing. So it worked out. We spent time together, got a little closer, but two months into it, I found out through IG he is in a long distance relationship. She confronted him on it and he opened up and told her this situation was like not making him happy. But it's been two months since that point, anyhow, now she's at this point where she is wondering is what she is doing so wrong or not. I think or not. Of course you should feel bad. I mean, I did go first last time, so if you want to go now, I need just a minute to collect myself on this one. Are you good? Okay. One of my absolute most favorite truths is you are never wrong for how you feel. So no, the feelings that you are experiencing, the desire to want to grow an intimacy and connection with another human being is one of the most beautiful pursuits any of us can make. So no, the feelings are not wrong where you may be going wrong though is in your expectations. I love the fact that you guys both began this relationship with clarity saying, you know, we just want no strings attached. However, now that you know that there are strings, namely another girl involved, tune in with yourself. How do you feel about that? Forget feeling guilty for somebody else or feeling guilty for what he should do or what she should do in the right situation. How do you feel in yourself? And if you are honestly totally comfortable with it and you enjoy the process of going with the flow and seeing where this goes about putting restrictions on it, then I say, then keep going with the flow. Forget feeling guilty for someone else. Is that what you just said? Yes. All is fair and love and heartbreak and there is no perfectly linear path to happily ever after. So while I agree with you, the conditions are not perfect. It also is not her responsibility to fix other people's relationships. I'm going to have to deal with you later. Sister, our friend, find a love that's all your own. If you were the one, you'd be the one and not the two, probably three, four or five. Somebody who is willing to sacrifice their own standards and exists in the shadows with their shoulders slumped trying not to be seen is not somebody who should be trying to help other people with their broken relationship. So as long as you are somebody's dirty little secret, then how you are conducting yourself absolutely is not okay. And if it were okay, all parties involved would be privy to the information that you are. In addition to that, you know what? There's something to be said about acting out of solidarity for women. No, you don't necessarily know this person, but it seems like you're comfortable swapping bodily fluids with her. Is it really such a far request to ask that you also share the truth with her? But that's the man's responsibility and if their relationship isn't so strange, who is to say that the girlfriend on the other side of the world isn't doing the exact same thing? Now look, I know we can all sit there and say if the relationship is bad, they should just get out of it. Let's be realistic. People stay in bad relationships for decades, sometimes even centuries, because what happens is we get addicted to people. And now when we get chemically addicted to people, it can be so hard to break free. Some people say even harder than quitting smoking. And now anybody who has quit smoking before will tell you it took taking up a good, healthy, progressive activity to replace the bad before they could shake the bad habit and move into a happier lifestyle. Now, Elle, you might be that for this guy. You might be the person who shows him the light to get him out of the bad situation that he's in. And the best part of all is you guys are enjoying each other and you're enjoying the process. So why is that so wrong? The real problem with you and women who are comfortable in playing your side piece role is, is that you fail to acknowledge the fact that you wouldn't even exist if it weren't for the relationship you're trying to save them from. Because you can't get angry. You can't be emotional. You can't really have standards. You can't do any of the things that his existing, real, and meaningful, and challenging relationship do. You are in effect a cheat day. And now when we think about cheat days, yeah, we all love pizza. But who of us is going to give up our nutritious meal plan that nourishes us and makes us better for seven days of happy meals? She fell for him, developed real feelings, a real connection, and then found out about the girl. You can't just turn off or turn up your emotions at your convenience. At the end of the day, what you're asking her to do is to render her own feelings and her own experiences as being completely worthless. Discipline, empathy, and integrity are the real gems of life. And if you don't keep those things at the forefront of all that you do, as far as I'm concerned, you are cheap. When the heart gets involved, the head doesn't get as much as you say. I'm so sorry. I think I'm sorry it plays a part in all situations. But you can just go around saying, well, this is how you feel, I feel this way, I feel this way. This is what you should do. This is the way of a history. Let them do their thing. We're going to do our business. Go into the comments section and vote head or heart. Also, there's a super amazing letter from Nina from Last Week's Question. I want you guys all to read, which from now on is mandatory for anybody who gets a question answered. You've got to let us know what you decided to do. So please leave a comment as you can see it touches lives. And around these parts, we all about touching. I think that you have some valid points there. I'm not negating the fact that she has developed feelings and that's hard. It's a tough decision to make, but life is full of tough decisions. And I hope that you guys at home will help Elle make the best one. Liking this video, subscribing and sharing are three simple things that you guys can do that make a huge difference in helping me to create more content a lot more frequently. So please do not be shy with the buttons booze.