 The narcissist wants you to hate yourself. They want you to self-loathe. They want you to feel as though you're not good enough. The narcissist will constantly criticise you. They will focus on your faults and make you feel as though everything you do is wrong. They will make you feel as though you're not good enough for anything. When you are engaged in a project or activity, they will make you feel as though you shouldn't waste your time and energy. They will make you question your own qualities and abilities. They will make you believe that you are defective, which will then cause you to lack motivation. You will no longer desire or be willing to engage in those activities. You will lose enthusiasm because you have been led to believe that you are incapable of producing a worthwhile result. This can affect your self-esteem and make you feel worthless and insignificant. Our progress is linked to our happiness and our happiness is linked to our productivity. So this can create the downward spiral where you become less productive and more depressed. It causes you to lose hope or courage. It discourages you from taking action because now you feel like you're not good enough. You feel like you're unworthy or undeserving of good things in life. And this is exactly what the narcissist wants. They want you to hate yourself. It is very beneficial for them. They hope that by you feeling like you're not good enough. You won't try to leave. You won't consider that you deserve more or better. Instead you will remain around the narcissist and try to prove yourself to them. You will try to seek their validation because they have made you believe that you're not good enough. This is what we call the Trauma Bond. You feel stuck and powerless in the relationship. You feel as though you can't do anything right but you try to make the best of it. You keep trying to please this unpleasable person in the hopes that you will be rewarded. And when you do what they want they will often reward you. It may only be crumbs but it seems like a lot more than what it actually is because you're so used to being abused and being told that you're not good enough. So when you finally receive the crumbs you feel like you've done something right. It makes you want to try harder. It puts you on this endless hamster wheel of trying to chase their validation. But in the back of your mind you still believe that you're not enough as though you have to continue to meet this person's demands in the hopes that one day they will validate you and this is exactly what they want. They want you to chase their validation so that they can get you to do whatever they want. They want you to keep trying. Keep trying to please them. It also distracts you from looking at yourself and realising that you're not getting your needs met. You were trained to neglect yourself and gradually your health begins to deteriorate. You no longer see yourself in the same way. You no longer do the things that you used to enjoy doing as time goes by. You may no longer recognise yourself. You don't even know who you are anymore because the narcissist has managed to turn you into their own personal workhorse. You've been doing everything you can to please them. You've been doing everything you can to support them emotionally while being told that you don't do anything or what you do isn't good enough which only makes you devote more and more of your time and energy to fulfilling their demands to the point where you have no time left for yourself. Now your entire life revolves around the narcissist. Your every waking moment revolves around pleasing this person or providing for them so that everything you're doing isn't enough. It just makes you feel stuck. It just makes you feel like your only option in this situation is to work as hard as you can just to receive what little crumbs they are willing to give to you. You don't ever question their authority. You don't ever question why they are the ones who have influence and control over you. You just carry on with the programme they have laid out for you in the hopes that one day you will get it right as long as you are around the narcissist you will always lack self-love. You will always feel as though you're not enough because anyone who even questions that they may be worth more than what the narcissist has led them to believe is not going to stick around. You need to identify that this hatred and self-loathing has nothing to do with you. These are motions which are projected onto you by the narcissist. They disown these parts which belong to them because they hate themselves. They see you as a negative extension of them which is why they have to assign these traits onto you. But they are the ones who hate themselves. They are the ones who feel as though they are not enough. They disguise this with an exaggerated sense of their own abilities and importance but beneath that is a person who is very insecure and feels worthless and insignificant which is why they have to influence and control you. They have to maintain authority over you because they are doing this to regulate their false sense of selves and that is why they are so dependent on you. That is why they cannot leave you alone even though they proclaim that you are bad or not good enough for them. You are enough. You are worth so much more than what the narcissist has led you to believe. Just remember who you were before you met the narcissist. Just remember how capable you were back then. How easy everything was. That's the person you really are. Not this collection of the narcissist's unwanted parts that has nothing to do with you. So recognise this and understand that you are worthy of love. You can love yourself and you can be proud of your progress and accomplishments. Don't seek validation from the narcissist. Validate yourself. Don't expect love from a person who is full of hate. Thank you for watching. I hope this video reads in it with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. Click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos. If you like to donate, my paypal link is in the video description. Coach the inquiries, you can email me at narxfathercoachin.com Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.