 The Boomer On, llawer i chi'n gweithio gyda'r panfamysgau plátynol, y dyma yng Nghymru sy'n gwahanol o'r panfamysgau Lwcury. Diolch i'r gwaith yn ymdweithio, panfamysgau plátynol yn gwahanol yw'r gwahanol. O'r cofnod, mae'r gwahanol gyda'r project yng nghymru yng nghymru sy'n gweithio'r panfamysgau Lwcury. Ac rwy'n cael ei cyfnod. If you've ever dreamed of owning your own Volkswagen camper van, now's your chance as you can save £500 by using the code James500. All you have to do is speak to one of your friendly sales team and say that James English sent you there. Now, let's get into the episode. You can now follow me on all my social media platforms to find out who my latest guest will be and don't forget to click the subscribe button and the notifications button so you're notified for when my next podcast goes live. Ben, we're on! And today's guest, we've got actor Josh Myers. What's going on, my brother? Joshy Boyz! How are you? I'm not nervous. Are you really bit? Yeah, a little bit nervous to be fair, yeah. Why? Just because I know you're going to get a lot out of me, probably. And yeah, I'm just nervous. Obviously, to be fair, I have a big fan of your work and seeing all your podcasts and what you do. So, yeah, let's see what happens, eh? Good to have you on the show, brother. Appreciate it a lot. Thank you for having me. Yeah, we'll touch on it like we've just signed up for an MMA fight. A celeb MMA fight. I know people are going to go, well, where's the real celeb, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's an opportunity for both of us. We've never had an MMA fight. It's a challenge. Celeb MMA, it's going to be a good thing. It's 24th of June, is it? Yeah, 24th of June at OVO Wimblerina. 11,000 people. Yeah, something like that. It's going to be crazy. Opportunities meeting that. Yes, it's going to be brilliant, man. I'm really looking forward to it. It's just I've never fought in a cage before, but this is going to be great because I'm sure we'll touch base on this, but it's just I'm back training solid again. We're training together on the same team, which is absolutely love. And yes, I've got 11 weeks training and then on the 12th week we've got our fight. So, yeah, I'm looking forward to it, man. It's going to be good. Game time. You've been in a few columns. Rise of the foot soldiers. You've been in two or three. You've worked with Tom Hardy. You've worked with some of the greatest actors on this planet. It's a phenomenal achievement. I know you've battled with mental health as well, which we'll touch on, but I'll always go back to the start of my guests where you grew up and how it all began. So, I grew up in, I grew up in Edgware. That's basically, yeah, grew up there since I was a kid, born and bred Edgware boy, North London. And, yeah, and where I grew up, I went to school, primary school, went to a school called Broadfields. I was a little shit really. I went there to obviously year six and then finished that. Went to secondary school, Millar County, but the whole time I, you know, touched it back on the acting side, I wanted to do acting the whole way through because my family in the film industry. My dad's quite well-known film distributor and my grandpa was big in the game when I was younger. So growing up, I was always seeing them on film sets and doing big films and there's a thing I want to touch on with you soon, which I don't think you know about, which was my grandfather, Gullves himself. I miss him. He was, he would be proud of me when I am now. Bless him. But my, the Halloween films, I don't know if you see them, the guy with the white mask. Chewing? No, might see. Michael Myers. Yeah, that was named after my granddad. What was that? I swear on my life. Why? So my... Wasn't a serial killer was it? No, honestly. As far as I know, unless my grandma's keeping a mental secret from me. You have got the traits of a Morris bromie. Oh, good job, I'll kill you. No, so basically my, when I was growing up, my, I was always interested in being an actor, you know, because from young age, you know, like when you get like, you go off on school on summer holidays, Easter holidays, blah, blah, blah. And I would sometimes go to work with my dad, my grandpa when he was alive. You know, being as young as 10, 11 years old, I was visiting film sets. And yeah, and I remember this story popped up where basically I found out a long time ago, before I was born, my grandpa owned, my dad's dad owned a lot of cinemas right in the UK. He had a company called First Independent Films. And he helped, if I'm correct in saying this, he helped John Carpenter, the writer and director of the original Halloween films, a big success. So he basically acquired the rights or distributed the original Assault on Precinct 13 film in the UK because it bombed in America and made John Carpenter a big success. And people in America, I believe, started to take notice of him. Anyway, Colin's story quite short. His next project was the Halloween projects. And John Carpenter actually says, if it wasn't for my grandpa, he'd be working in some hotel somewhere so he'd been up. So out of respect to pay homage to my grandfather, called the killer in his Halloween films after him. So that's why the killer's called Michael Myers. After your grandfather? After my granddad, yeah. That's fucking nuts, aren't it? Mentor, isn't it? Yeah. No, not many people know that, but... We do now. You do now. Yeah. I'm not a serial killer, by the way. Not yet. I've got his traits. So when you said you were allowed to shut at school, then what were you? Just, I never used to listen to teachers. I'd always act out. I was just a little fucker, man. I wasn't a good... I wasn't... I listen, I had an amazing upbringing, but I wasn't a good kid. I always acted out. I always wanted to be the centre of attention in school. Anywhere I went, it was always like, look at me, look at me. I don't know about them, look at me. I'm the centre of attention, look at me. But obviously that didn't really work out in schools because I'd always be the class clown, getting chucked out of classes, getting detention after school, just being trouble, putting my parents through so much shit. So much shit. Being a young kid, I had therapy at a young age since the age of light. I'm honestly going back to probably 12 or 13. I probably started therapy. I just had a lot of demons in my head. I was scared. One thing that I will remember is when I was... I didn't want to go to sleep. I don't know what come over me. I just didn't want to go to sleep at night because I was scared of death. And I used to be scared of that, but whatever, wake up and my mum's gone. And I didn't say goodbye to her. So I'd always used to go up to her bed at night and give her a kiss on my dad. So I love you, just in case I don't see you tomorrow. And they'd be like, what are you talking about? Come on, it's a bed. You know, give us a cud. My family is a very loving family. So I love my mum, I love my dad to bits. But yeah, I couldn't get over that death. I was so frightened of going to sleep and never waking up. So yeah, I went to see someone. That's as far back as I remember why I first started to go and see a therapist. What was because of that? What was it like at that age going to see a therapist? Especially when you were in school and did your friends or anything, no? No, I've put it at that age probably too embarrassed to tell people. As far back as I remember, I kept that quiet. And I remember even having not special teachers. Well, I did actually from primary school into secondary school, I used to get teachers who would not follow me around, but you'd have a teacher who'd teach a class and a substitute teacher. And that substitute teacher would mainly sit next to me because I couldn't help myself. I'd always want to act out and shout out. And I remember my mum telling me from a young kid when I was in primary school, you know, you're being like year three or four, you know, obviously you finish your six and going to the secondary school, year seven. But they would say, oh, Josh is just, you know, turn to page four. No, I'm not doing that. I want to do page six. No, we're doing page... No, I'm not doing that. I'm doing what I want. And I will then get out and go and see the headmaster. Parents get called. And this was every week. Every week I was getting told off because I would act out. You know, my dad's at work working his ass off to provide for us in London doing his film stuff. And, you know, my mum would have to stop what she's doing in a day thinking we're at school, got time to do what she wants. So stop her day, come into school, pick me up because I've been chucked out of school again. So I didn't ruin their lives, but I was a little shit, man. Yeah, a difficult kid. Definitely a difficult kid. When you say you didn't want to go to sleep, how long? What's the longest you stayed up for? I mean, it sounds pathetic, but being a kid you try and stop all night but you just end up falling asleep. I reckon at least a couple of times I would go throughout the whole week. Every night I got put to bed to go to bed. There'd be an argument, I'm not going to bed. And you're like, my mum's like, you're 10. You're going to bed, it's 10, 11 o'clock. It's too late getting to bed. All right, I'm putting the TV on. No, you're not. Yes, I am. No, you're not. What, we'll take the TV out of your room. Do it then. I was horrible to them when I was a kid. Did you ever hallucinate or anything when you were younger that you were trying to force yourself to not sleep? Not that I remember, but I definitely were times where I'd be falling asleep and I'd fight going to sleep. I used to sneak downstairs and I'd go and eat something. I'd go to the fridge and start eating chocolate to have sugar to stay awake. Because I didn't know when you were young. You don't really know about you can potentially get a sugar rush and that might keep you up or whatever. But I remember hearing your parents say when you were a young kid, no, you're not having that now. You're eating too much sugar. You're eating too much of your bounce off the walls. So I thought, oh, well, if I take that, I won't sleep. So I would eat throughout the night and then next minute I know I've kind of passed out, woken up an hour later. I've got to get ready for school. And I was fucked because I've got to go to school and then I'd act up because I'm tired, I'm cranky, I haven't slept. I'm arguing with teachers. I'm not necessarily arguing with the other kids, but I'm just being the closed clown again. Getting chucked out. I mean, this was like an every other day occurrence. There wasn't really a day in primary school that I was a really good kid. It was always like they'd have board meetings about me. How are we going to deal with Josh? Because I didn't want to go to school. I hated school. I want to stay at home with my mum and my mum. My dad was obviously in town always working doing his film stuff. I want to be with my mum because I was always scared that something might happen to her. I wanted to see her again. I was scared of death. I had all these things going on in my head that just affected me mentally. And that's why my mum was like, I think we need to tell you to see a therapist. And that's why I started going to a therapist. Did that help? Yeah, it did for me. It was unloading. And I think unloading on talking about it when I was younger was really, obviously really helped me. They taught me breathing techniques, just how to deal with going to sleep at night. And yeah, it did help to be fair, yeah. What's the root of that? Did it get to the problem? Do you know what? Like I said, I haven't spoken like this to anybody what I'm telling you right now. Nobody knows this about the death thing. So I can't really remember what it was. But I definitely remember just not wanting to go to sleep because I was scared I was going to die on my sleep. Maybe it was stuff I saw on the news. Maybe it was stuff I heard and I didn't clock it. They never really got to the root of it, but they helped me to say that you're a young kid. You've got a good heart. You're going to be okay. But I'd say I would wake up in the middle of the night and go out to my mum's room and just lie in the bed for her. Up to the age of like probably 13. You know, I'll never tell my friends that. You know, obviously when you're 11, 12 years old, no one goes, oh, did you have a good sleep last night? I think it was shit. But I know I did because I slept next to my mum and my dad. Just feel safer? Yeah, much safer. Knowing I'm next to my mum and my dad, 100%. Yeah, it's sad that people get anxiety and overthink that way. We are scared and fearful of life. But they should have their support mum and dad there. Yeah, thank God I did. Because there's unfortunately a lot of people, a lot of people out there don't have mums or dads. And I'm very lucky that I did. I did have an amazing upbringing, but I just had a lot of shit in my head that I had to deal with at a young age. And I don't know why. What did you do after school? Secondary school? Yeah. After secondary school, which I'd just finished because they wanted to chuck me out of that as well. So I got to year 10. I mean, listen, when I got to year 7 in secondary school, my first year, within an hour, I don't know if you'll get this, within an hour of being in secondary school, I got detention, a Saturday detention. Not even just an hour after school. I was so naughty and I was involved in a fight. I wasn't a bully because I was never a bully. And I saw someone bullying a kid and I just went for him because I don't like bullies. I never have, never will. And I got Saturday detention where at that school I went to, you have to go in your uniform on a Saturday to school and do an hour of maths, hour English, hour of science. Did I turn up? Did I fuck? In year 7, already showed I'm a cun. And my mum would drop me at the gates. I walked down. She turns around. I walked straight up my car. Go and have a smoke. Go to meet my mates in my uniform. Josh didn't turn up. Where is he? And at that age, I don't know if I had a mobile. So I just go home when I want knowing that shit. When I go home, I'm fucking around in trouble. Because obviously I know when I get home the schools have called them to say where's Josh as you're right isn't turned up. My mum's like I've dropped him at the gate. So that was mad. But yeah, so basically when I did finally finish school because I got to year 10, I don't know how I got to the year 10. And the last year was year 11. But when I got to year 10, the last month of year 10, I remember the headmaster pulling me out of my class. I said, Josh, can we come visit you? I said, yeah, right. Sweat, whatever. And I went into his room and it was him, my mum, my dad, four or five of our teachers. And I remember them sitting me down. They're like, look, Josh, these are the head of each. Like that's the head of maths. I said a science, blah, blah, blah. But the one thing for me that I excelled in and I loved because I could express myself was drama. I was never naughty in drama class, never, not once. I listened and I learned because that's what I wanted to be. I knew I wanted to be an actor. I hated school shit. I didn't want to learn maths because I can't do it. I still can't do maths. I don't learn science, but we're going to do it. I ain't only sciences, am I? I don't learn geography. I'm not going to do something with geography. So I just wanted to be a drama student. I just thought if I could done that full time every day, I'd have been happy as hell, but obviously that's not the way of the world. But he pulled me in, cut me short. He basically said, look, we wanted to expel you so many times. Like as in, get the fuck out of our school and do not come back. You're not good for our school. You walk in with uniform smoking that in the fucking corridors, you know. But they said their headmaster, Dr. Davieson, a member at the time. He said, the only reason you're here is because you're a lovely mum. Begging us to not expel you. Because if they expel you, if we expel you, you've won. You've got what you wanted. I said, yeah, that's right. I don't want to come to school. I hate school. So we haven't. But we've brought you up and down in today and you are in our class to tell you this. If you get X amount of hours or Saturday Detentions in year 11, the next year you're going into when you've got to do your GCSEs, right? You're expelled. Sorry, Lindsay. Sorry, Martin. It's my mum and dad. We won't do it anymore. You're gone. You won't do year 12 in sixth form. You know what I put? Six, wherever. And you're gone out of school. You're flunk wherever. We just, it is what it is. It's okay. You won't be doing a drama school. My dad said, forget drama school. Gone. Done. If you don't buck your ideas up in this year, next year, when you come back, my dad said to me, I will not pay for your drama school lessons. And I was just like, oh, wow. Okay. Wow. This is really happening. Do you know the tensions I got on year 11? What? Zero? Not one. I was a model student on year 11. I don't know what the fuck happened to me. What is it? Is cry out for help or the fact that we have a diagnose with anything? Um, I wasn't so. I don't have ADHD now and fucking. No, no, no. That's bad girls and all that shit now. No, I wasn't actually diagnosed with anything. I was just a naughty kid and I was just acted out. If I didn't want to do something in class, I wouldn't do it. If I knew the answer for something, I wouldn't even put my hand out. I'll shout it out. And everyone in the class is going, oh, I know sir, I know miss. Fuck off. I know the answer. I'm shouting out. What do you think you love drama so much? Oh, because I can express myself and I've been judged without being judged. Yeah, I can do anything I can act like anyone. And it's an act like like I do now. I can act that person, this person, that person. I can act like a woman if I really want. Why do the majority of the team? Um, yeah. So, um, yes, that was that and then went, but that really hit me when my dad said that like I went to silver young drama school every weekend and my dad was like that's gone. I'm telling you now that's gone I'm not paying for it no more. And I was like oh no because I loved it there made such good friends and that for me was going to a drama school where I'm just acting improvisation doing script work learning how to work myself in front of a camera in an audition situation. I was learning stuff that I needed to get to where I am today. So yeah year 11 I was I was even so good that half way through the year I think six seven months into the year we were having an assembly about something and they pulled me up on stage through the other kids in year 10 talking about me saying this Josh can do it you can all do it. Well done Josh. How did that make you feel? It's not really feel good man. I did feel good. It didn't really feel good. It was crazy though. You ever bullied anything? No I was I was very lucky I was never bullied. I was I think I was never bullied in the school because my brother was older he was three years older me. I mean my brother's not I mean a tough boy but he had all his friends and some of them were tough so I was never bullied but I think it's because I was the funny kid and the class count and I was always quite a big not physically big and strong but I was quite tall at a young age and I just wouldn't take shit someone's to start on me I would start back at a kid and I hated bullies. They were a big thing for me. So what did you do after school? So after school I didn't know what to do. I really didn't know what I was going to do obviously because I was like I just want to be an actor and my dad was like well you know we can help you get an agent you can do in your drama classes but the one thing that my dad said to me was that you need to have something to pardon me that you need to have something to fall back on. So I did a personal training course because I loved working out and gym in and I became a personal trainer for about a year two years something like that and then I got bored of that. I get bored so quickly lot so quickly James like if I but the fingers of me I don't listen to people my dad was like get a job in a gym stable getting money you're only 17 18 nope I want to do personal one to one yeah but that takes years Josh you got to build up your clientele you could do one or two a week what's that 100 quid a week if that you need to have proper money coming in I never I never listened did I should have but I never listened and then as the year went by I had like probably the most honestly it was shit three four people a week I was lazy but for me that's not good money 30 pound an hour I was charging I had three or four a week but they were constant and then I remember and then after I did personal training I was always giving my hands I did a barbering course I became a barber but you didn't know that who's that it's good I still cut hair now sometimes you can't mean bro easy peasy yeah you definitely think so yeah I was gonna say something else but so you've done acting you've done the barbering course what was that did you get any jobs acting for the first job I ever got was I think I can't remember was I did a film called psychosis with a woman from Buffy the Vampire Slayer called Charisma Carpenter I think that was her name it was called psychosis and I must have been 17 18 years old very small role at the beginning and then I get killed so I was in it for about all new screen time three four minutes four five minutes but it was learning the ropes it you got to start somewhere what was that like for you doing your first job fucking scary I tell you why because my first ever scene in the film this guy jumps up bites me in the neck I had to wear prosthetics on my neck which was like wow what's this this is so cool like I've never done anything like this before he jumps bites me in my neck you ever seen American male in London yeah right so the bit where he gets attacked on the moors and how he screams and like it like he's being bitten to fuck you know what I mean and I remember the director red Travis said to me watch that film said all right he said see how that guy reacts to the the werewolf attacking him and how he's screaming that's how you should scream you're not gonna hit a bit in the neck go ah fucking hell yeah because the guy's so the script was basically this lunatic geezer was just fucking crazy and going on killing people and I'm walking through the woods I'm doing a piss and he jumps on my neck rips my neck out and I'm like dying on the thing and that was my first fucking scene it was freezing cold it was snowing there's like 40 50 people behind the camera I absolutely shat myself but I thought I've got to do this because this is what I want to do in life and the director was like are you ready Josh are you ready you're pumped up and I was like yeah I was shaking number one because it was cold out like really cold couldn't feel my feet so a lot going on up there mentally as well two takes I've done it and even the make-up people turned around I went I actually thought you was getting killed I thought like he'd really bit in your neck I said really they said yeah I said watch the playback I can't say how proud of myself it was I'm like wow and the director was like mate everyone give me a hand of applause he said just fucking do it just go for it what's the worst that's gonna happen I'll say can't do it again but don't make me do it 20 times he said just go for it Josh fucking when I say action he's just bit your neck go I did it he was the best feeling in the world and what's because you've done nearly 30 films like yeah how because acting's a hard gig to do especially in the UK like yeah it's not many big actors go to hollywood and absolutely oh listen I might not ever get to that stage but you can't think like that man anything is possible yeah look I'm happy how I'm still elevating elevating you know what I mean um I've got I've got a few fingers fingers in a few pies and fingers across a few things lined up which I can't really mention at the moment but if it happens it'd be great if it don't it don't you've got to be you've got to be ready for setbacks because you get a lot of them in this world in the acting game so when you started what's the progression then after that you get that part a couple of minutes that what happens after that when you keep chasing your dream to try and open other doors or yeah of course it's all about in the film world it's all about networking you've got a network you've got to meet people so that you're you might keep in contact with that director go meet him for lunch and he'll introduce you to the producer who's been working another film and that it just that's how it goes around you know what I mean um but I suppose is what you've got to have a show reel you've got to make a great show reel so when when you when you're younger and you you want a big agent you or you want a good agent unless you're like the bollocks and you've come out of theatre school you come out of like Rada or something like that and someone's coming to watch your theatre show and going wow he is amazing yeah you might need a show reel don't really know how that works but you might not but you just can't if you've just come out of full-time drama school you get producers agents casting directors going to watch you and they take you on their books and then they get you work and producers and directors go on their word you know if a big agent says my client can do that audition he's fucking the nuts I've watched him in a play give him a go they go okay great oh I've got someone called Josh Myers 18 years old just done his first film oh brilliant what's he like um yeah I think he's good can you send me any of his stuff no and we've got anything I'm going to work does it what was your first for them that's psychosis film get after that oh god what did I do after that I think I think it was a film called screwed which the same directors who directed psychosis put me in and that was with James Darcy who's quite a big English actor and that was basically about I played a Greek prisoner called Panos and I only had in that one bit more screen time probably about 10 minutes throughout the whole film and then that's the last you see me but that was quite difficult actually because um in in the film I wake up to my cellmate who's hung himself and that was fucking mental because they said you need to react like because basically what what the scene was is that lights are out everyone's asleep in the all the prisoners and the cells wherever and this character that James Darcy plays is like the main officer walking down the landing and he um he basically sees into my into the hole in the door this is my cellmate hung himself and he's the keys and so I was obviously startled me and he said and then they filmed me in my reactions and I was fucking like turned around I was like what the because it looks so fucking real and the makeup of him looking blue the lips and all that that was that was a bit weird that was fucking dark man see when you see those scenes but can it have an effect on you after even though you know it's acting and it's fake but does it still play up because you look at the methodactors and that who go deep Daniel Dale Lewis stuff like that like they go proper deep like how can that does it have an effect on mentally when seeing shit like that um I don't think that affected me mentally but what did affect me a little bit was one of the one little guys who wrote the film Ronnie Thompson who used to be a prison officer um he after I came out I just want to I loved a bit of not praise but I loved a bit of like you shouldn't really do it but you know you go up to director and say was that good was that all right because I was so excited to be on a film set and I loved it um and to just basically was it all right and he's like yeah brilliant Josh well done I'll tell you if it wasn't I'll make you do it again and I was like okay I want to talk to Ronnie because this is his life this really happened to him and I remember looking for him and he was just you know he was like that little bit further down from where we were filming on the film it was all a set it wasn't that it wasn't actually in a pretty what they filmed in a prison but just that particular scene was all built set looked like a look like a cell so they get the cameras in wherever and he walked off crying he was like just watching your reactions on the monitor killed me because that's happened to me I've walked in there and seeing a cell mate who's alive watching his cell mate who he thinks asleep in the bed next to him hung and I just brought back so many memories so that for me I was like oh fuck I've now caused this guy to have flashbacks to make him see what he's seen again so that affected not affected me but upset me definitely in your 20s how did you deal with the no sleeping thing in the kingdom seeing the psychologists and kingdom being rebellious like were you still battling in your 20s as much as you were in your teens definitely not no in my 20s I've still seen therapists they're not seeing therapists but it's because I because I was so stupid I don't know if that's the right word but I would I would basically say I don't need to see a therapist anymore I'm sweet and my mum it's still to this day my mum's visit you're not though what are you talking about like like generally now how I am right now I don't see therapists I haven't seen a therapist about four or five years you know I'm 35 so the last time I saw a therapist probably when I was about 30 I did you stop I just felt I didn't need to go anymore but I still but like I said I still to this day suffer with depression and mental health issues I didn't like you know I take pills for my depression I get down very down but in bit like go back to in my 20s yeah I've had depression since I can remember James but I used to hide it well and you know I don't you're not sad I don't really remember I remember my 21st birthday because my dad took me to Vegas I remember that but after that I don't really remember much because there's always drinking doing drugs going out three four day benders just being an absolute twat really so yeah sad but what's a bad day like for Josh like when your depression hits a hard test don't want to get out of bed don't look at my phone don't want to talk to anybody understand a dark room I think about drinking I think about taking drugs um thank god I don't because that would destroy me mentally and physically um I sometimes think about what would it be like if I wasn't here what if I killed myself you know I I do I get really dark moments in my head and then I'm and then then the next day or so I'm like what the fuck was all that about I'm on these pills to help they do help because if I think sometimes if I wasn't on them what would I be like but that's a dark day that's my darkest days I think about probably you know doing something stupid I'll never go through of it because I'm too scared of death did you ever try back near there I think I think I I did not necessarily try but I definitely took too much of of uh of cocaine one night in the in two nights and I remember my heart being so fast that I thought I was gonna die I thought I'm gonna die and that's what scared me more because it brought back memories of me being scared of death and then I thought shit if I die tonight my mum's in the what what's my mum and dad gonna think they're gonna live up there lose their son it's fucked it's crazy to think that you were scared of death but you're snotting your pan in drinking doing all that stuff to then push yourselves towards death yeah you think you would do the opposite and try and get fit or get healthier eat cleaner yeah to try and protect yourself from not passing away yeah it's a sense of self-harm isn't it like if you're feeling sad or depressed like the best thing you do is escape how do you escape you do bad things you take drugs or you drink or you smoke weed or whatever it is you like to do to take you away from the pain of reality and that's the sad thing about like that there's so many people struggle I get messages every single day in all platforms and I can't reply to them all now because there's just so many but I'll reply to someone and just that simple message can pick up some these day and it's I ain't a doctor but I'm just learning from my fuck ups my pain my mistakes and me trying to run away from the problems because you're not running you're not even running away from the problems because they're still there they don't ever leave you unless you face them yeah no you're 100% right I you know I think thinking about now all the stupid shit that I've done in my past you know it's just absolutely ridiculous you know drink the drinking going out doing the drugs like you look back at yourself now I think why was I doing that rebelling at school not being a good kid I mean the worst thing for me which upsets me still to this day is upsetting my mum and my dad so yeah that was that that was hard because they've always been there for you never left your side but why do you think that we're doing that why do you think it is that the ones who do care for us as the ones we destroy the most don't know don't know but the fact you know upsetting my mum was the worst thing for me have you ever had that discussion with her yeah how did it go it was hard man bastard got me crying I knew he'd get me crying it was hard because she you know because my mum started seeing a therapist because of me so that that that that was hard that was really hard to know that because she never used to tell me I only found out about three four years ago she said you know when I used to go out and do whatever blah blah she said you know I used to see a therapist because of you because I had dark days as well but it was all because of you so what am I do you feel like that knowing how I felt and I'm putting my like the love like I can't tell you the love I've got for my mum and my dad but my mum and me got that just a little bit of special bond destroyed me James destroys me now yeah because your mum will probably partly take blame that maybe she maybe thought she'd raised you wrong I told you different things that because you'll be if you're that extra special bond with your mum you're probably like your mum in so many ways yeah both he's going to see a therapist both he's battling that he can pat it can rub on like from us or maybe your mum was battling you've you've because you've had that so close a bond that you've not mimicked her but you've took the vibes from her possibly which is both he's struggling both mentally and you've went down that road and she's went down that road but again she's part of her maybe blamed herself at times because all we want to do is protect our kids show them right from wrong make the right decisions and it must be harder for kids rebelling and there's nothing you can do because it must put all the stresses in the pink even back when back in Glasgow my mum's dad my mum and dad's door used to getting nearly every week with the coppers looking for me do you know what I mean no restresses and the pain that he put in front of me because my dad got diagnosed when he came out part of me he blamed myself for the stresses that I was putting them under because he was so worried about me do you know what I mean the kid in prison and fucking doing what I was doing and because you do blame yourself at party he needs to let go of that as well Josh yeah because it's fucking done like you weren't the same person yesterday as you were 10 20 years ago that you're still learning today you're still doing welfare so if you're a very loving character even in the camp that you're always happy but again that can be an act as well but of course of course but I generally am like when I get up in the morning I'm very happy yeah so yeah I mean look after this I might go home thinking about shit all the things that I've brought up which but you know this needs to happen for me you know because I don't really talk about this if anyone I don't just sit around and talk about what I used to get up to because it's just I don't like part of me I don't like negative energy I don't like to talk about negative stuff but obviously I want to open up to you today because you know and I've got so much time for you man I feel like you're my brother but yeah that destroyed me that you know that it still does and you know that my mom used to say you make me sick not like you make me sick like physically ill like you're causing me to be ill like I can't go a day without worrying about like I've got a brother Jamie and a sister Jodie great kids I love my brother I love my sister very close to them but me I was a shit gun I used to cause murders I was of course I was terrible fighting all the time with them for no apparent reason starting shit I was not a good kid but I was brought up amazingly and my mum used to say I couldn't go out when you were at school most mums back then or like that there that you know I'm very lucky that my dad done very well for self still does well for himself that my mum didn't need to work but she's like I could be out at lunch I couldn't eat and my friends are like why aren't you eating I'm just I'm just worried I'm going to get a phone call and I'm going to have to leave and I'm going to pick up Josh and she said nine times out of ten it would happen I don't miss his minds can you come pick up Josh from school we don't want him here today he's got to go always on edge but again you were always a warrior your mum's a warrior as well maybe one's in the family yeah do you know what I mean there's probably a lot more he's a probably a lot more alike than she ever thinks yeah he does think but that way but both similarities yeah many ways many ways my friend and I were just speaking to for the last 40 minutes that it's kind of that's what I pick up but again that I ain't a fucking fairy but it's the other daughter but I pick up vibes and again but she'll be proud of you what you're doing now he fucks it you're only 35 like you're doing great things you're in great films like they'll be proud in so many ways yeah like that's the beautiful thing about make amends we can always make them feel better we can always put that smile on their face yeah that's the beautiful thing about life man like you can change and I fucking repeat this stuff religiously because I might have a new listener or I might have somebody that's watched many times I listen to it enough to start believing that you can make changes that yeah because we've spoke about medication like was it 40 milligrams or something you're on yeah and you've been on that for eight years eight years yeah eight to ten maybe yeah so that has a lot of time when you've been speaking recently though since we've started this you're going to start winning yourself off them and and trying to definitely I think because I think like you said you know off camera that it might be a placebo effect now but I always thought you know take you know if it's going to help me feel good in the day then why would I stop them you know but I think because I'm back in the track I just get worried that what if it does that's the worry I'm a big warrior what if I do start winning myself off the pills then I finally come off the pills and then I feel shit again then I gotta go back to the doctor get prescribed more go start again when I at the moment I'm in it I feel like I'm in a good place but then again you might be right I might experience more in life winning myself off them and just being me yeah it's okay to feel sad it's okay to feel down yeah if you do win yourself off them you do start feeling a lot more struggling pain in life just go back on them but you don't know until you try brother and that's the beautiful thing like you've got a lot of big things coming up and yeah to be taking a medication for eight to ten years I don't know what that kind of stuff does to your liver your kidneys or whatever it is but for me it numbs you down from reality maybe you're family members and friends like you on it because it kind of calms you down and suppresses all the shit that you went through back in the day but oh I genuinely do believe people can change the way they think and feel that I genuinely do it's not as if we're borderline fucking one flow of the cuckoo's nest that yeah he's jamming because yeah because I get crazy thoughts I just don't act on them to go back to mold ways because sometimes you feel the self-doubt creeps in and you go nah I'm not good enough like I'm a humach pretending but again over the last three four years being clean and being off everything and thinking differently and that's amazing about that. Out last night thank you out last night with everybody and everybody was drinking and I can still have a good time. I had a I think it was a copperberg non-alcoholic. Oh yeah I still use scab right? Non-alcoholic. Yeah of course man because if you do that people say oh you're back in the booze that's not that that's not if I was back in the booze you just it is what it is. You can still go out and socialize or just I've got a cut off point people start getting rowdy and I just smoke bomb. Oh yeah 100% yeah I'll be exactly the same. How was the booze in the gear when you were on the medication like how does that affect that? Your depression the next day? Fucked me bad because obviously you're not meant to drink alcohol when you're taking antidepressants but yeah I was you're definitely not meant to sniff cocaine when you're trying to get just you shouldn't do it anyway because it's just it's the devil which the devil's dandruff I call it because every time I took it's not a baron happen or I'd think bad shit get paranoid get anxiety my depression wants to go through the roof especially the next couple of days after that you know being an horrible cunt to my mum and my dad leave me alone do a fucking mum I was I'd go missing two three days at 23 24 years old to my phone of but I've been like someone's flat or like I've been like a hotel somewhere I've been an idiot man yeah but we all have been bro we all have been like we've all done it majority people have done it majority people listening are watching we've all done it some people are still doing it the friends I know back in the day are still doing it like it's down to them what they want to do with their life but for me looking at it now when you start becoming a bit more healthy and a bit more wise you start to think why why would I want to sit and put something up my nose that I don't know what's mixed with why would I want to be sitting drinking destroying myself not seeing my kids not providing for the family to sit in a gaff be fucking five sweaty ass men couple of birds like talking the same shit listening to the same music it's just that vicious side coke was round and round and round and there's nothing positive ever comes out with that no I could agree with you more mate and uh it's just negative shit and I'll just even think about it now having flashbacks of the shit I used to do it's just makes you feel sick physically sick it's horrible man that I used to I used to do shit like that but I did it I look and look back and go I'm never doing that again yeah because that is especially now where I am now that's not me no I don't take drugs anymore you know I occasionally like have a beer at dinner but that's that's for me that's like all right that's not the old me obviously I know you don't drink him when you're sober but I can have like no for example when I go for like an Indian dinner I like a I like a beer my Indian more Chinese but it's one or two that's my that's it cut off point but the old me will be one beer two beer pack it again yeah because that I'll just get that I need I need I need something but that's not me anymore don't do that shit it's hard though because we spoke about that last week I asked you if you had a drink and you says no I says don't like you me yeah yeah and that is fine but men like myself I can't speak for everybody but I see a lot of resemblance in you when you talk about your past yeah there's always that temptation always that temptation I'm okay I'm strong enough that one beer like you say turns into two and before you know it you're sitting back in that random gaff with a bag of gear yeah and then the depression comes over because you get older and I know you've got a daughter which will touch on in your misses who worries that it's what we put everybody else through for our actions because you become so fucking selfish I don't give a fuck I genuinely don't give a fuck right I'm just more responsible now but part of me doesn't still give a fuck because people's always going to have an opinion on your life people's always going to say something people's always no matter how well you do you get more haters with it you get more fucking shit but outside noise is irrelevant yeah that only person that stops me stops you is me or you it's down to the individual where you want to go in life and what you want to create if you want to take a line of gear it's down to you nobody's fault it's not because you fail out your misses it's not because you've been kicked out of the house it's not because you've lost your job you're choosing that action because there's people out there will be more than you worth less than you that fucking don't put gear up than those do you know what I mean a lot of people there's a lot of self doubt but there's a lot of so much self sabotage out there with everybody because they think it's not gear in alcohol was cool you ain't cool you're a mug you're an absolute mug yeah now you're out you hit there don't know what I mean that's definitely 100% me when you rise of the foot soldier was a big following for you the I don't know if it was the third one yeah the veranda scene where the big man's sitting there he's got the pitch the notes out with the queen on it it went viral yeah that went viral at how yeah is that for you as an actor when clips like that you're appearing in then go worldwide because it is a mad scene and that clip you see I see a lot myself in that fucking clip because that's the way I probably used to be a few years ago you could do five bars yeah that was that was a mad scene yeah I did that with my mate Craig Fairbrough that was rise of the foot soldier free the pate story so it's all about the pate character the old Essex gangster who got killed in the Range Rover in Rettington 1999 maybe I could be wrong wherever but that was a story about his life and yeah but we were just on this balcony scene and I think this was a bit more for the audience really but yeah it was it was all improvisation you know there was uh there was no script at this point this but there was a script but it was that scene wasn't working and um they want the producer and you love they basically came out with a big you know from the make-up not make-up department from what they called I know from a department they had all like the fake gear and stuff print on the table um gave them some notes and just said right you to just go for it I was like well what should we fucking do and Craig was like why don't you come out I'm sniffing gear and you'd just go what you're doing and we'll just see what happens so like and then that scene came out of it and it went fucking viral when the film came out and I remember someone saying fucking oh I've been I'm in fucking America and I've been sent it on my iPhone like look how fun this is like it's Josh blah blah and it still went goes viral like what we're doing like people put on their TikToks what we're doing Christmas one was the truth two was the truth no I can't be fucking fine you know or you know what we're doing when lockdown's over it came out again so yeah that was that was fucking fun man I loved it brilliant how was that for your profile for acting like being in the following you had a good part of that as well yeah I had quite a big role now so how was that feeling for you that was that probably your biggest role till then to then 100 yeah probably still now that's that's like everyone says um you know foot soldier three that you know was a really good one they loved it I'll get I'll get I still got people telling me like like they love my character Kenny boy Ken um you know because obviously in that bit he's like Ken I love you but you're driving me fucking magic when he throws the gear in my face whatever um see I'll get so many DMs saying you know are they when are they are they ever gonna do a film about Ken are they gonna do a film about Kenny boy and I'm just like I don't know maybe hopefully one day you never know I think that'd be cool to show how he meets the boys yeah so yeah he knows you never know brother never know what was it like working with Tom Hardy on the craze so I work with uh on the oh yeah it's film legend so I did work with him they cut my scene out though which was fucking annoying um it hit the editing floor um but but regardless of that I've got to work with him that was cool man he's a nice guy um I work with him on the film legend but he played he played he played both of them he played Bonnie and Reggie which was mad to be on set because they'd have him come on set doing his thing and hold like this ball and be like that's the other character talk to each other and it's like what the fuck it was it was mad but he's a lovely guy absolutely one of the biggest actors in the world at the moment he's you know fucking venom for god's sake so yeah it was unbelievable to work with him and I learned from him nice guy proper nice guy phenomenal actor phenomenal actor one of the best what's it like go on to our scene then if if you get anxiety do you overthink or do you feel more at home being somebody else this is the maddest thing so when I get picked up in like a car to go and do like um to go and uh be on a film set shit myself nervous as fuck it's still getting now you know even when I come to Sleba and Mae driving listen to my music pumped up ready to train but I've still got anxiety nervousness but the minute I'm in the gym all goes away the minute I'm on a film set gone crazy I don't know I don't know what it is my anxiety plays up is that because you're maybe living in the present moment where I don't know what's going to happen in tuning you're being away from who you think you are who do you feel about yourself Josh what now yeah um I feel I do feel very happy I feel like I'm in a good place mentally and physically right now right now Josh right now mentally and physically I've been the best I've ever been ever been my whole life and that's a big thing for me to say because I know you've got a message to your Cersvians always keep me on your toes and make sure you're okay like yeah we'll touch on your daughter how old is your daughter uh my lily Mae is four beautiful name like but she's got a rare disease is that correct yeah unfortunately um my baby girl was born without any sight so she can't see she's she was born blind so that fucked me when we found that out why just destroyed me man because a fan of my daughter can't see she's blind um just fucked my depression um it's hard man but she's such a happy kid she's so amazing like she's the best thing that ever happened to me um but yeah it's hard man you know bringing up a kid who's blind who can't see my face um can't see my mrs face it's a struggle man and I get my down days but I look at her who's singing along happy um but you know I suppose the one thing that is all right about this is that she wasn't born with sight and then lost it she was born without sight so she doesn't know no different but destroys me man do every time I see her kills me absolutely destroys me but only thing I feel I can do is be there and I'm there exactly so you've got to be proud of yourself when you're owning it like understand that but like you say it's not as if her sight's been took away she was born with something that she will not know the difference and you never know what new technologies now doctors bring out and all the scientists that in the future like people getting fucking brain operations and new brains and new eyes I've seen as well like you just don't know what new technology and hopefully one day like your baby daughter will see but the best thing a father can do is just be there to support and love and care like when that happened at the start what is did you find out like was it before the bus or was it when she was born uh when she was born I found out yeah so that that that broke me did you go and self destruct yeah drink drugs again everything and that's the best thing you can do because as a father your kids need you there I was a fucker mate me and my mrs we broke up because of me nothing to do with her I was just how I dealt with it james I didn't know what to do I was just scared that you know I bought a baby into the world and she can't see is it my fault well why why why you know what I mean I didn't I didn't really understand like I just couldn't get it I was just like looking up like what the fuck have I got a kid who's blind not like a bad thing but like just killed me man it still kills me now even talking about it like have you ever spoke to anybody about that because obviously he says the last five years maybe that's did you stop when your mrs fell pregnant seeing this psychiatrist um yeah why maybe I didn't I don't know I shouldn't I shouldn't have stopped I shouldn't have stopped but I did because I'm an idiot I don't know why I stopped to be fair yeah you don't need to put yourself down bro you're still here you're still fighting you're still a family man you're still doing what you can to make a crust if provide for your family and that's all anybody can ask all the father like you've not walked away that some coward dads do like I was in and out my kid's life for many years at the start I believe now I'm a father I believe now that I provide I believe now that I'm the earth need me I'm not selfish anymore that that is my first first of all you got to make sure yourself right and then after that if you can provide for them and be there for them when need be then for me you're doing your job if you say you're going to get them at a certain day and a certain time and get them you're doing your job if you're providing and taking them and making them happy and smile you're doing your job if your daughter's smiling you're already winning smiling she don't stop smiling laughing singing singing is her thing my daughter's got the most amazing voice you know and it's unbelievable but you know but the last I'll say the last year I've been so happy because I see how happy she is and you know you know my girlfriend says my girlfriend Charlotte says to me she's so happy we need to be happy around her she picks up these vibes because she can't see us but she's so clever and she's just so amazing but obviously yeah she just can't see me but obviously like even like the other night I was just looking at her just thinking well you know what because the the doctors have said that she was born in the right era in her lifetime she will be able to see you know I pray that there's such good technology out there that we will be able to help her that's all we need this hope yeah so as much it destroys me I'll just stay strong mate that's all I can do I've got a two man because there's kids out there with everything at four year old and they're little fuckers yeah little fuckers yeah do you know what I mean yeah having maybe your kid born blind has maybe made you see the world a bit differently and maybe getting and it's calm me can't not obviously obviously I went on self-destruct when I found out but I mean I'm the calmest I've ever been in my whole life and that's taken me 35 years to get there I mean as in calm as in like I'll be driving because I can be an aggressive person but you know I'm not like I'm in my films I'm a soft come you know but but I've got that rage in me as you may do as well I can be driving some come a beat me I can get in my car turn me and it's an old woman I'm sorry you just the red light and it went green what am I doing getting out of the car some come beats me now I'm like oh shit I'm so so sorry just little things I've calmed down massively James massively and you know like even even now talking about my daughter a lot I can't wait to go home and see my baby pick her up cuddle I'll just give her a kiss when I say it's daddy she goes mad she goes crazy man it's just the best thing ever that's what it's all about yeah man like I say man that many men walk away from kids that's not that's a cowardly thing to do if you if you've made a kid you must be there and put your work in if you don't get all your partner it happens all the time I know they can be ruthless some women towards men when it comes to kids but then some men are ruthless towards women when it comes to kids it works both ways but if you become whether you have to go through courts for six months 12 months 18 months sometimes it takes years to even see your kid for a day like just stick by it like because a born from a kid is everything in this planet like if anything ever happens to your kids and you're not there man I couldn't look at that pain like it's just difficult as a father but I just know I'm in a good place I know I'm in a better place I know where I'm going to go in life I know what I can provide I know I can help people and that's all I can even people listening to your story going fuck me that's deep it's personal this is where people get their knowledge of grief and not giving up because I think but I think as well a lot of people are going to be like wow I don't know I mean just go to show you don't know what people are going through because you don't no one knows that I don't go obviously yeah my personal life my close friends and my family know what I go through but now everyone's going to know and I want them to and you know talking about mental health is a big thing for me especially you know in men I think we need to talk about it more yeah so how does your daughter get around the house and stuff like is there certain things that she knows what things are male this is what I'm talking about she's just amazing her senses are incredible like she's got she she because it's all sensory toys and she loves playing with stuff like that so she you know she'll say I want to stand up and we just put her down she walks around and like she'll be walking towards the wall and then she'll just do that and then she'll turn around walk back I say come to daddy here's my voice keep coming over keep going over so she's just amazed she's just an amazing kid she's the best thing that ever happened to me and I'll love her I'll do anything for that kid where do you think you'd be if you never had a daughter right now really probably I think I'd be the but go back to the old me if I'm honest drinking doing drugs which is not good but society yeah so everything happens for a reason brother kids are a gift listen that's bonus a little fuckers as well but yeah I'm a good dad now but I still feel as if fucking shut up like fucking hell man like yeah break that yeah the little fuckers like my son and daughter fight look fuck yeah part of me sits there and laughs and go I love this and then other things if I'm in a bad mood it's how I react and go shut the fucking hell man like yeah I'm down but I'm gonna be wrong she can have a paddy yeah if don't get it right like if she's sure she'll say I want my bubble juice like her bottle if she don't get it in a minute she goes bubble juice she turns into the exorcist whoa calm down right daddy's here because bless her she can't see like she can just say it and then I'm like I'm making it obviously but you know we kind of set things up now so it's kind of like already made like she says something boom it's there can I daddy can I biscuit boom it's there and she's don't get it in you know she used to have this thing with my car I want to get a like to go to sleep daddy's car I want to go in daddy's car no babies 11 o'clock at night she has trouble sleeping because of a site she can't differentiate light and day it's only funny I'm on this but it's only the last week or so that we've managed to get a sleep pattern back as in going to bed at eight nine o'clock waking up at six seven in the morning no my girlfriend has gone through so much stuff and I've got so much respect for her as a mum you know being up stupid o'clock in the morning sort of stupid o'clock next day and there's me sleeping because I'm on set the next day and if I don't get sleep I'm not on that I'm set I can't do my job I can't get money I can't provide so proud of her proud of yeah she's she's an amazing mum probably I just can't tell you and Lily is 24 hour care she can't see man yeah so it's hard what about school and stuff when she goes to school is that a circuit school or was that most yes she'll go no no no so she's at a nursery at the moment now in near where um they used to live we take her up there uh in Bishop Stortford a thawley nursery um but yeah she's got two teachers who um who look after her and um yeah and what is this is Q man watching her going to the school like they like hold her hands and yeah so they're with her 24-7 not literally they don't leave her side um but yeah but she's going to go to proper school in September so we're looking at a few places at the moment when she was like a special school for her um but I haven't really had a look yet but we will put out a good follow 100% listen when she's at my house she's got all like the um she's got all the um um all my I she's got a big family network you know my mum my dad um my brother my brother my sister their kids she loves it hearing their voices playing with them she's she's a good kid man she's got and she's going to have an amazing life and I'm going to fucking make sure of it yeah I love that bro let's talk about the MMA fight we're going to do yeah boy how did you get that I just got contacted by Brett um you know our mutual friend who's setting this whole thing up and uh yeah I'm glad I said yes man oh this is gonna be fucking amazing yeah so I'm looking forward to it it's getting my mental health back on track big time training every day um working hard in the gym I feel I mean right now I feel great you asked me how do I feel I feel amazing so yeah I'm looking forward to it man yeah that's because you've got a bit of purpose you've got a bit of get up and go plus for the exercise number two we're getting through our paces from Evan and Moody our two coaches yeah who are absolute bastards at base but really good guys that yeah yeah and it's learning a new craft I feel as if I can semi box but yeah no you are man and you're strong you're I'm surprised when I first saw you I was like yeah your boxing skills are on point and you're powerful you know I wouldn't want to take a dig off because the ground works hard very hard when once they just shows you how fit you've got a big on MMA yeah because once they're on top of you it's your strength against my strength and it's just like they just tie you up like it's unbelievable these people can kill you and every man thinks they can fight but you can't fight shit you're not against these yeah if they you're fighting a boxer then you might have a chance but once you're fighting an MMA fighter who can box anti-box and take you to the ground yeah fucked our team we've got James Locke yeah my boy yeah cow woods yeah young A.J. Tash and Chun who's a little fucking nutcase a little fucking no Chun's adwarf Tash was an Ibiza weekenda A.J. Love Island cow I think he's done Love Island relationship with Katie Price and Locke who's just a fucking big nutcase like he was on only ways Essex like yeah I love him a buncha kind of I wouldn't say fucking deluded individuals but you're kind of gotta be deluded like but it's a it's a great mix of people it's a mad mix of people it's like a fucking zoo in there you talk about one floor over the cook's nest if you probably come off your medication you probably think you were in a fucking looney bin yeah I know that during the day everyones fucking zombies like everybody's nuts you've got people screaming you've got people hanging from cages people are like yeeee that's you you're just thinking like but to get up and have a bit of purpose it's going to be again another challenge another experience it's something that I'll I will succeed that it's not a problem i'm fighting some kid from my Ibiza weekenda Calam is that but again I'm a winner I will go fuck who I'm fighting like o'n mynd i ddechrau, ond, rydyn ni'n iawn, mae'n gallu gwenydig o flynyddio ar gyfercai wneud a rhaid o beth o'n rhan fel y maen nhw. Mae'n cael ysgu wneud. Mae'n cael ysgu bwysig, mae'n cael ei wneud, fyddai'n cael ei wneud o'n teacha, fyddai'n cael ei wneud o amlau. Mae'n cael eu maen nhw'n cael eu maen nhw. Felly mae'n cilio ar gyfer, Joshy, mae'n cymryd i iawn i gondol pwysig ag ymdyn nhw. gylai'r malau i'r gael, ond dw i'n rhoi gyd-fawr, rwy'n ogylch na'n oes i'w gael eich bod oed i'w gael. Rwy'n oed i gael. Nid yw 35, oed yn lle roi 50, dynno, dylw i roi droi, oed yn roi'w gael, fe oeddwn i'n ymwylion i'w gwneud hynny. Ond roi'n oed yn glwscwpio'i gwahanol i жaddlwn i'w gwath-drym. A wedi cael ei gwybod ddyn nhw. Mae'r cyfnodaeth yn gweithio, os ni eisiau idio dim maen nhw. Mae'r cyfnodaeth yn y ddelwyd, fod gennym eich gwaith yng nghymru, i'r cyffredig am falch ar gynny i mi, felly roedd yn ei gweithio yr EAM calls. Fi'n gweithio i'r gael, rydyn ni'n gweithio a'n gymryd nhw'n cael gwanes. Mae'r gôn am ddifrif iawn. Mae'n gwymo'n digon cerdd, ond os na byddai eich gwaith, mae'n gyfle i'r cyffredig eich gwaith, My only advice to you is go to drama school and learn your craft learn it everyday fucking day Read about it watch films re-enac scenes Learn scripts just do what you can if you really want to do it, you'll do it Simple as that Who's your favourite actor? In world anderes. Not because you mentioned but I've even watched the Kingston Ying New York again I'm just like, I'm with this guy, he's just fucking ridiculous. But the cap who's up there as well. Oh, without a doubt, but you said he's my favourite. Yeah, but again, that's a great film. Three hours film, over three hours that. I love films I like. Who would you like to work with? Well obviously, Daniel Day Lewis, because I know I'd learn stupid amounts. Again, I'd love to work with Leonhard Capio, I'd love to work with Tom Hardy again. I'd say, honestly, Tom Hanks for me. If you pick any film in the world that you would have loved to be involved in, what would it have been? Green Mile. John Coffee. Yeah, that's a drink. Would you have played The Screw? I would have played, I would have played, I would have played. Wild Bill. Bits chocolate people. Yeah, Wild Bill. Stumps in the house. He's a bastard, Tom. I know, I could play that. I break my heart every time I still watch that film. Mate, I've seen that film so many times and every time I cry, I think, why the fuck did you kill that geezer? Put him in a chair, you shook his hand, you got a flashback. Knowing he didn't kill the murder of those two girls, Wild Bill done it, the character Arland had a play. But yeah, and you've seen everything he'd done, he annoyed me so much, but it's a film, it's a script, and that was that. That's what's bringing it real life and bringing it emotion out. And people talk showing Lee Murray, who's in prison in Morocco to now, who's involved in one of the biggest heists. You say you look like him, there is a resemblance that if they make his film, it's going to be, I imagine, a mega success. He was a great fighter for the UFC. And later, he's involved in one of the biggest heists. Do you think that's a possibility that he could play his part in the future? I mean, if anybody's watching and they're making a film, or thinking about making a film about Lee Murray, please keep me in mind, because even when I was a young kid, in my 20s going to strip clubs, the doorman who used to roll around with Lee Murray or do whatever, would say, fuck me, you know, you look like, and I'd say, what they say, you look like a little Lee Murray. And I would like at the time, who's that? And then I found out who's top cage fighter for Anderson Silva. And then I still get told now, I even got told the other day by someone, it's like, bloody hell, you know who you look like. Especially when I had short, spiky hair, not my little up here like this. I look at him and everyone's like, you look at the image of him. Even people that I know now, I won't mention, but who actually trained with him. They're like, mate, you are Lee. You look at the image of him. So I was like, ah, sweet, all right. So I think it's crossed. I mean, they probably get some big alias actor to play in, but I would love to play it because I do the fighting. I know how to fight. Yeah, so that'd be a massive role for me. Can you imagine me playing Lee Murray? It'd just be a great film because what he's done, I really hope he comes out. How much does the medication affect your acting? Do you not even know anywhere? You're up or down because I noticed it straight away as soon as I talked to you, I said, do you want something? Yeah, you did, yeah. Straight away? I know, yeah. And there's not to be something I'm so happy about. You like him, won't you? Yeah, six o'clock, Josh, fuck off. And I was like, so, and you opened up and then said straight away, we're fucking about, you were honest about it. Of course, why wouldn't I be? Yeah, exactly. That friendly buddy watching Josh, that's maybe going through the struggles, maybe gets anxiety, sleeping over things and they don't want to be here or whatever. What advice would you have for them? I would say never be afraid to talk to someone. Please always open up and tell your loved ones, your friends, your family, anything, especially in, you know, I know women, you know, I'm not saying not just women as well, but mainly men, guys, please open up and talk to someone. If you're feeling down, you're feeling depressed, you don't think you can get through life, you can. If I know I've gone through stuff but not as bad as other people who are probably watching this who might think, oh, you're going through nothing compared to what I've been through, you've had a good life, but we all suffer differently with our depressions. One thing I'll say is never be afraid to talk. Yeah, it's important. Yeah. Would you like to finish up on anything, my brother? Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it, and thanks for making me cry, you prick. Yeah, I told you I would. Thank you so much for having me. I can't believe thank you so much for letting me, but they've come on the show. Not a problem, listen, you're a good guy, have nothing but respect for you, kicking on and achieving what you want to achieve, and we've got big plans for the future, which we're fucking knuckle down and go and achieve those dreams that. Your mother will be watching us, proud of you. You're a great dad, great friend, and like I said, I'm happier in my life, my brother. Me too, bro, thank you. I bless you. Love you, my man. Yeah, God bless.