 Now, today we're going to talk about how a man bonds with a woman. And let me just say this, there are some healthy ways a man can bond with a woman and some unhealthy ways a man can bond with a woman. And let me just share with you why I wanted to do this video. I was actually watching a show on Apple TV called The Morning Show. And in it, it's got Jennifer Aniston, Reese Witherspoon, Steve Carell. They're in the news business and there's a scandal that goes on in the show. And why I wanted to bring this up is that one of the news anchors played by Steve Carell is basically a sexual predator. And what he does is he takes advantage of the women that are beneath him. I don't like saying it that way, I meant subordinate, excuse me, from a professional standpoint and basically coerces them into sex. Now, why am I bringing this up? And by the way, now there's another character who's a weather person and he begins a consensual relationship with one of the women who is also in a subordinate position. Okay, why is this important? Okay, I feel like I'm repeating myself. In the case of Steve Carell, he talks about his unhappy marriage. He talks about his unhappy marriage with some of the women as a way to gain sympathy from them, as a way of gaining sympathy, as a way to have them connect with them, have these women bond with him. So what's happening in this particular case, he's using sympathy as a way to bond, which is one of the unhealthy ways. Now we see this in the dating-mating-relating realm when a divorced man and woman connect and oftentimes they're connecting with each other through their trauma bond, their trauma bond. And what I mean to say is they're talking about their unhappy experiences in their marriages as a way to feel a sense of familiarity, as a feel of sense of safety, as to feel a sense of trust, a sense of trust because it's a shared experience and while it might not be that they shared the exact experience, the experience of an unhappy marriage. Now given that my audience is midlife, which is after baby making years and before retirement, roughly 75% of those in that age demographic are divorced. So in many cases, we see this. Now we see this also in the long distance dating where there's a lot of communication via the telephone, well that's not a telephone, is it? A smartphone, they're bonding through their phones and it's usually through this trauma bond and this is one of the unhealthy ways a man might temporarily bond with a woman because in the case of the TV show, he will use women, sleep with them and never talk to them again and it's a very awkward environment at the place they work. Now then there's another character, I talked to you about this news, this weather person. Now he meets someone in a consensual way. Now where they bonded was both in the space of proximity, proximity. In other words, they were in the same environment, okay? Now this is critically important for bonding is to have regular connection with someone. Now a lot of women think that men bond over the telephone in these long distance dynamics and long distance these days can actually be anything that's more than an hour drive to see one another. So it's not necessarily always the traveling by airplane long distance. Now why am I bringing this up? Because the vast majority of dating experiences today are with people that live literally outside of your proximity. Now in the case of the consensual relationship where they began bonding was she was very attracted to his mind. He was a nerd and so it wasn't on that emotional sense that they bonded, they actually bonded through an intellectual sense. Now in other words through each other's mind. Now today we call this sapiosexual. Now that's certainly a way a man can bond with a woman when there's that regular proximity and that sharing of ideas, sharing of ideas. Now what I want to lean in today if you're seeking a healthy, happy partnership type relationship. Let me just be clear with everyone. I'm not a coach that focuses on casual relationship. I'm not a coach that focuses on situationships with friends with benefits. My whole coaching is centered around those who seek genuine partnership with someone where my beloved and I where you either live together or you're in a capacity of considering marriage or something truly substantial. And in these particular cases, the men who genuinely want a serious committed relationship with someone, the men who want partnership with someone, these men need the following for them to actually bond with a woman to actually. Now we oftentimes think of bonding as the sexual experiences like what I talked in the case earlier, but it's not sex where we bond with a woman. It's certainly an area where we feel a strong connection with a woman and we men and women have sexual desires and it is a way to bond from the physical sense. I'm talking about bonding beyond the physical sense. I'm talking about bonding on that emotional level. And what every man and woman needs to make this happen, well first and foremost they need a minimum of 100 hours of face-to-face time to experience the first level of trust. And trust isn't just about fidelity. Trust is does this person care about my feelings as much as my own? Does this person have my best interest at hand? Takes about 100 hours of face-to-face time to make that a reality. And in that 100 hours of face time and beyond the 100 hours of face time, face-to-face time excuse me, I'm just thinking about face time for the telephone or excuse me, smartphone I'm talking about face-to-face time is shared activities, hobbies, mutual interest, spending time with family and friends, traveling together and teamwork building skills both in your personal and your professional life. This helps build the deep roots of trust, the deep roots of trust that allows a man to bond with a woman and vice versa because ultimately a relationship that is built on trust. And here's the thing, it's incredibly difficult to build trust over the smartphone or through your thumbs like excuse me I was going to type you know because people but people don't use laptops anymore they use their smartphones to communicate with one another. Men don't bond through that medium. We might temporarily feel a level of attachment and certainly we might feel a level of familiarity with a person but ultimately where a man bonds is through these experiences. So coming back to the TV show with the two people that were in a consensual relationship when it was found out the man wanted to now be able to take her out to dinners and do activities with her. He said he wants to show her off to people and why this is critically important is to recognize that a man who has a secretive relationship with you or a relationship where you're not in that same proximity where you're actively spending regular time together it's going to be incredibly difficult to actually bond with this person for a long term commitment and here's the real kicker in all of this. Folks many of you have fallen into the trap of more communication via the telephone than actual face to face time with a man face to face time. In fact this is the habitual problem believing that you're bonding with one another and in most cases it's a weak level of bonding or worse as I said in the beginning of this it's a trauma version of bonding and ultimately those relationships tend to fizzle out especially with one when a man has healed his trauma bond if that does happen often times the person he's with is not the one he wants to be with because like a lot of men want is to be a bright shiny new penny to someone else after they've shared their most vulnerable weak state in their life so please be careful of bonding through trauma and remember that genuine bonding happens through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together and most importantly proximity meaning spending regular time together to build the level of trust. Is this syncing and is this resonating? Please let me know. All right I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video. First off if you have any thoughts or comments please post it below, please share this video. Please tell your friends about Midlife Love Mastery, send them to my website Jonathan Aslay.com, have them click that group coaching button so they can join our fantastic group and I'm going to sign off this video as I always do. First off give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barak of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pat a teddy bear pillow and give either them a hug of love there's a teddy bear because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it we could all use more love in our lives thanks a bunch bye bye now bye bye