 The Grape Nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes Program. Knock in your home and had to punch it coming and going for breakfast. You know what you'd find out? Will you'd be surprised. According to a recent survey, it seems the average time that folks spend on breakfast is estimated at just 12 minutes. Kind of makes breakfast a brush off meal, doesn't it? Whereas nutrition experts all tell us breakfast is actually the most important meal of the day. The time when you should get at least one quarter of your entire day's nourishment. After a fast of 10 or 12 hours. Alright, say you are pressed for time in the morning. Just start off with ready to eat, swell to eat, Grape Nuts or Grape Nuts Flakes. Because these same experts tell us the adequate breakfast should include a cereal with whole grain nourishment. And that's Grape Nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes for you. Both are crammed full of energy giving, body building, whole grain nourishment. Eat a good breakfast, do a better job. And for a neat time saber as well as good eating fun feature nutritious, multi-rich Grape Nuts or Grape Nuts Flakes. Ladies and gentlemen, in starting off a comedy show it is customary for the announcer to say something humorous. But tonight I can't think of anything funny and here he is, Jack Benny. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hello again, this is Jack Benny talking and Don, Don did you make up that clever introduction all by yourself? Yes, Jack, I certainly did. You mean nobody even helped you with it? No, no, not a soul. You mean you hatched up that witty gem in your very own little fat head? Huh? But Jack, I thought you said it was clever. Oh, it was, Don, but something happened to it when it came out of your big fat mouth. That's all. Oh, Jack, you're sore about it. No, no, Don, really I'm not. Believe me, I'm not sore at all. I'm very happy that you're my announcer. Really, I am. But Jack, if you're not angry, why are you tearing up my contract? I'm not tearing up your contract because I'm angry, Don. I'm just making a paper doll that I can call my own. Hey, Jackson, look, now why are you getting all steamed up? You get sore and excited and lose your temper just because Don makes a clever whittacism. Bill, the word is whittacism. Anyway, I'm not sore and I'm not excited. I'm not losing my temper. Oh, Jack. Yes, Mary. Are you going to shave? Of course not, why? It's a shame to let all that foam around your mouth go to waste. Well, I've got a right to be mad. When Don introduced me, he inferred that I wasn't funny. Well, that's no military secret, Jackson. Wait a minute, let me ask you something. And this goes for the three of you. If I'm not funny, how come I've stayed in radio 12 years? Well, answer me, there must be some reason. Well? I know why I'm on the air, Mr. Benny. Dennis, you're a doe. That's it. It certainly is. Well, it's worth it. You told me yourself you're paying me $186,000 a week. Dennis, Mr. Benny's only paying you $35. But because your song just runs two minutes, it's equivalent to $186,000 a week. Who cares about details as long as I get the doe? Well, I'll be. Dennis, when you get your check, what does it say on it? $186,000 or $35. $35. There you are. What does that mean to you? Large withholding tax. Thanks, kid. You had me worried there for a minute. Anyway, how do we get to talking about your salary? This all started with Don's introduction, saying I wasn't funny. Well, all I know is that last week, Fred Allen said, quote, Jack Benny has done more for sleep than sank a coffee. Look, Don, the next time you mention my name in the same breath with Allen's, please use sensem. Quote, double strength, unquote. Oh, Jackson, I think you're jealous of Allen. I heard him last week and he was terrific. Phil, do you listen to Fred Allen's program? Well, sure I do. Oh, you do, huh? Well, you don't mind, do you? No, no. Why should I mind? I don't care at all. If you want to listen to Allen, it's certainly your privilege. Hey, wait a minute, Jackson. What are you doing with my contract? You know that paper doll I made before? Yeah? Well, I'm fixing her up with a boyfriend. Let's drop whatever we were talking about, including Allen. Well, you certainly are a hypocrite, Jack. When I came over to your house last week, Allen's program was tuned in on your radio. Well, that was a mistake. Rochester tuned it in while I was in the next room. Well, you could have walked in and turned it off. I would have, but I thought it was my camel I was smelling. Let's change the subject. Dennis. Yes, please? Yes, please, yes, please. You've got a song ready. Let's have it. Okay. He hates me because I'm making $186,000 a week. Dennis, if I hated you, would I be paying you that much? Now go ahead and sing, will you, kid? Dennis Day and Phil Harris. Don, I wrote this commercial myself, and I want you to do it. It's clever. Now go ahead. Dennis Day and Phil Harris. Ladies and gentlemen, when you go to bed at night, it's dark. But when you wake up in the morning and see the sun streaming through your window, Dennis Day, and it's time to eat your Grape Nuts Flakes. There you are. Now do the part that isn't clever, but educational. Okay. Grape Nuts Flakes are toasty brown, sweet as the nut, and have that moldy, rich flavor. Good. Now go back to the clever part. Phil Harris. So remember, folks, if you're hungry and want your Phil, Harris, nothing better than Grape Nuts Flakes and the big 12-ounce economy-sized package. I thank you and forgive me. See, Don, those are the kind of commercials that people remember. Now, wasn't that a clever idea, Mary? Well, if you want to know the truth, I thought it was a... Phil, Phil, what did you think of it? Well, as long as you're asking for it, I thought it was a... Dennis, Dennis, did you like it? Oh, yes, Mr. Benny, I thought it was wonderful. You did? Yeah. Gee, the way you took my name, Dennis Day, and made a commercial out of it. Yes, it was a brilliant thought. And now, fellas... You'd have been in a spot if my name was Hassan Pfeffer. Yes, yes, I would. And now, fellas... Dennis Hassan Pfeffer. All right, that's... That's enough, kid. And now, fellas... That was Poinciana sung by Dennis Hassan Pfeffer. Gee, that's awful. Well, what... What's awful about it? Well, how do I know Hassan Pfeffer can sing? Stop being so silly, Dennis. Well, you can call me Hoppy. Thanks. Now, fellas... You see, what was I going to say? I have something on my mind. Oh, yes, yes. Now, fellas, beginning next week, we'll have to do our rehearsing at Warner Brothers, because I'm starting my new picture there. You know, the one I'm making with Alexis Smith. Or is that the horn blows at midnight? Yes, that's the title. And oh, boy, just wait and you see that. It's a fantasy. You know, I'm a sort of an angel like Gabriel. And in the picture, I come down to Earth to blow a trumpet and destroy the whole world. You can do that with your violin. I'm not playing a violin. I blow a horn. That's where the title comes from. The horn blows at midnight. Wait a minute, Jackson. Where'd you ever learn to blow a horn? Oh, it's easy. Sure, he just puts it up to his mouth and lets the air out of his head. I do not. Anyway, when I get to Earth, I lose my angelic powers, and that's when I meet Alexis Smith. In the picture, her name is Elizabeth, and my name is Athaniel. My name is Hassenpfeffer. Dana, don't interrupt me when I'm trying to explain something. Now, where was I? You were letting the air out of your head. Oh, yes. Well, anyway, when I come down to Earth, I meet Alexis Smith, and that's where we're supposed to fall in love and have our big, romantic theme. What do you mean, supposed, Jackson? Well, Raoul Waltz, the director, wants to take the love scene out of the picture, and I can't understand why. I don't mind for myself, but poor Alexis will be heartbroken. I don't understand why they took it out. Well, Jackson, instead of worrying about it, why don't you go over to the studio and find out? Oh, I am, Don. Rochester's outside waiting to pick me up. In fact, I'd go now if I thought the program could possibly go on without me, you know? Well, go ahead, Jack. I can get laughs. Oh, well, then you better come with me, Mary. Phil, Phil can play a band number. That's okay with me, but what do you want me to play? Anything, Phil. Just keep time. That's all I ask. Now, come on, Mary. So long, fellas. You better tell Rochester which way to go. Oh, yes, Rochester. Yes, boss. Make a left turn first. Now a right turn, then another left. Now go straight and make that first right turn. Now another left. Now make a right turn and then another left. Now a left. Now keep going straight and... That's enough, boss. I can find my own way out of the parking lot now. Rochester. Rochester, right out to Warner Brothers Studio. Okay. Gee, I like working at Warner's, but I hope I don't have any trouble about that romantic scene. Oh, Jack, no matter who you make a picture for, you always have trouble. When you made Love Thy Neighbor, you had a big argument with Paramount. Well, I had the last word, didn't I? Yeah, but you had to phone it in from Warner's. What's the difference as long as I'm healthy? What does that mean? Hey, Rochester, did you fix up my new dressing room yesterday? Yes, boss, but I got bad news. You have to move out of this one, too. Oh, for heaven's sake. What's the matter, Jack? First, they gave me Errol Flynn's dressing room, but they decided to paint it. Then they gave me Humphrey Bogarts, but they had to put in a new floor. Then they gave me John Garfield, but they had to redecorate it. Now I'm getting pushed out of another dressing room. Rochester, what's the matter this time? Lassie came home. She works at MGM. What's she doing at Warner's? Well, you know the housing problem. Oh, well, animals have to be comfortable, too. Hey, Rochester, did you feed the camel before you left the house? Yes, and then I put it out in the backyard. Good. I strung a clothesline between the humps and hung out the laundry. You see, Mary, I told you we'd find some use for her. Oh, Rochester, here's Warner's. Now drive us to the main office and go slow through here. I want to see Raul Walsh, my director, first, and get this thing settled. I don't think there'll be any trouble. Mary, that's Humphrey Bogarts' dressing room. Oh, really? Yeah. You know, I don't think I'll have any trouble about the love scene. That's Betty Davis' dressing room. I think if I explain my viewpoint about that love scene of Raul Walsh, he'll see it my way. I know, Jack. That's your dressing room. Yeah, I wonder what Lassie is so upset about. Maybe they want to cut the love scene out of her picture, too. See, Mary, see, I'm not the only one that gets it. Rochester, let us out in front of this building. Okay, boss. Come on, Mary, I want to see my director first. Raul Walsh, his office is in here. Okay. I'd like to see Mr. Walsh. I'm Jack Benny. Just a moment, please. Oh, Mr. Walsh. Yes. Oh, Mr. Benny, huh? Yes, sir. Well, try number five. Yes, sir. Well? Mr. Walsh's name. Oh. He's at his tailor's having the cuffs put back on his pants. Well, will it be long? No, he likes his socks to show. Well, I wish you'd try to get in touch with him. It's very important. I'll see if I can locate him just a moment, please. Mr. Walsh insists upon seeing you. Oh, well, try number eight. Oh, Mr. Walsh. Oh, good, huh? Well, try number three, Mr. Stefan. Yes, sir. Oh, Mr. Benny. Yes? Mr. Walsh left his tailor's, and on his way back to the studio, his car ran off the road and got stuck in the mud. He'll be there indefinitely. Mud? Why, it wasn't even raining. The studio's can do anything. Well, genius, I wanted to get this thing settled today. It's really urgent. Can't something be done about it? Well, I'll try to locate him once more. Fine. I'll lay eight at five. Quiet. Mr. Walsh, why won't you see Mr. Benny? After all, he is one of our stars. I know, but I'm sure he wants to beef about that love scene that was taken out of the picture. Well, why was it taken out? Did you see Jack make love to Anne Sheridan and George Washington slept here? No, I didn't. Well, when you make love to a girl like Anne Sheridan, you should take her in your arms and gently kiss her on the lips. Uh-huh. You're not supposed to grab her by the earlobes and pull yourself up. And anyway, the fact that the love scene is out isn't entirely my fault. You tell Mr. Benny to take the matter up with the writers. Yes, Mr. Walsh. Oh, Mr. Benny. Yes. I spoke to Mr. Walsh on the phone. Yes. Oh, fine. They got telephones in the mud. Mary. Mr. Walsh suggested you see either Mr. Hellman or Mr. Kern, the writers of the picture. I see. Well, thank you very much. Come on, Mary, let's go. Oh, Mr. Benny, would you mind giving this note to Mr. Hellman or Mr. Kern? No, no, no, not at all. Come on, Mary. Thank you again. Now, here we are, Sam Hellman and James Kern. Let's go in. Oh, hello, Mr. Benny. Hello. I'd like to see Mr. Hellman or Mr. Kern. Only Mr. Kern is in. Well, will you tell him I'd like to see him and give him this note, please? It's from Mr. Walsh. Very well. Oh, Mr. Kern. Just a minute, I'm thinking. All right, Miss Fox, what is it? Jack Benny is here to see you. Oh. And he brought you this note from Mr. Walsh. Thanks. It says, don't try number five, eight or three. It won't work. Then what shall I tell him? I don't know. Shall I try number 12? No, no, not number 12. That's for my wife. Now, let me think. I know he wants to see me about that love scene we took out of his picture, but there's nothing I can do about it. Why not? Did you see the way he made love to Anne Sheridan and George Washington slept here? Yes. Well, Annie hasn't worn earrings since. I see. Well, Mr. Benny is waiting. What shall I tell him? Just a minute. Let me think. Let me see. Let me see. OK, I've got it. Mr. Benny, you'd better go and see Mark Hellinger, the producer. After all, he's the one who has charge of the whole production. Yes, sir. Oh, Mr. Benny. Yes. And Mr. Kern is on the long distance phone right now, so he suggests that you get in touch with Mr. Hellinger. He's right down at the end of the hall. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Come on, Mary. Oh, Mr. Benny. Never mind. I'll try it without a note this time. Come on, Mary. Oh, Mr. Hellinger. Mr. Hellinger. Yes. Jack Benny's here, and he'd like to see you. Oh, send him right in. Yes, sir. Go right in, Mr. Benny. Well, when he gets back, will you tell him that? What? You can go right in. Mr. Hellinger wants to see you. Oh, oh, thank you. Come on, Mary. Don't rush in. It might be a booby trap. Don't be silly. He's always glad to see me. Well, hello, Mark. Hello, Jack. When did you get back from Africa? Well, Mark, I've been back for months. I'm going to start your picture pretty soon. Oh, yes, yes. Hello, Mary. Hello, Mr. Hellinger. Say, Jack, I understand that you're very anxious to get started with our new picture. Yes, yes. I am, Mark, but... Well, I hear that you're very, very happy about it. Oh, I am. I am, yes. But there's one little thing that bothers me. Oh, it bothered us too, so we took it out. What? You know, the love scene between you and Alexa Smith. Now, Mark, I personally think that the love scene is very important to the picture and should have stayed in. Now, why did you take it out? Well, look, Jack, this is a fantasy. There must be no thought of an angel, and Alexa Smith is an angel, too. So when you meet, there must be no thought of love. I know, but... We feel there should be no connection between love and anyone wearing wings. Well, now, that's silly. What about the birds and the bees? Answer that. I wouldn't know. They're not on the contract to warn us. You're abating the question. Now, look, Mark, I'm capable of doing love scenes. I've done love scenes before, and I can do them again. I'm good in love scenes. Jack, Jack, I'll take your word for it. Stop kissing me. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't think I was that close to you, you know? Well, if a heaven's sake, get off his lap. Mary, I got excited. I'm sorry. Now, look, Mark, I hate to get tough about it, but unless the love scene comes back... Hey, Mark. Mark, what is it, John? I got a new idea for the Jack Benny picture. You have? Yeah. Now, in my version, Jack makes his entrance as though, and that makes the audience think that he. I have him coming around, but not the way you think because Alexis would then be in a close-up while Jack. It isn't exactly her character, so we have to. What? Hey, you guys don't imagine. But you take that scene where he's just about to, which comes after the one where he did. I have it where he doesn't. But I want to. I'm one of the stars. Well, what do you think about it, Mark? I think it's a great idea. That's the way we'll do it. Okay. Now, shall I empty the wastebasket? Hmm. Later, later. Now, look, Mark. Yes, Jack, what were we talking about? My love scene. I don't want to get nasty, but if that doesn't get back in the picture, you'll just have to get yourself another boy. Excuse me, Jack. Hello? Yes? Just a moment. For you, Jack. Who is it? I'm Mr. Hozenfeffer. Oh, hang up. It's that silly kid. Now, listen, Mark. I've got a contract here, and that love scene is going back in the picture. Or... Well, Jack, I'm sorry. I didn't know you felt that way about it. After all, we want everybody to be happy. We wouldn't think of hurting you for the world. Jack, look what he's doing to your contract. I know, and he's making the legs too long. I know, and he's making the legs too long. Look, Mark, when you want to make a paper doll, you're supposed to shape the head like this. Then you come around the shoulders like this. Oh, yes. How do you make the arms? Well, that's easy. You see, you just tear it to one side with a little curve, like this. Then you go out a little for the hips, in a little for the thighs, a little curve for the knees, and then straight down to the cooking wood. Well, Jack, Jack, remember the good old days of the horseless carriage? Well, I know, Don. Can't say that I do. Oh, well, that's funny. Well, you must remember the gay old days of the linen dusters, and that song, a bicycle built for two. Well, frankly, no, Don. Say, what's the idea anyway? Oh, I see, I suppose you were too young for those old timers, before your day and so on. Well, you know, Don, after all, I'm only... Yeah, I know, and now you spoil my whole story. What do you mean, what story, Don? Well, the fact that you and Grape Nuts are just alike. Well, you mean because we're both so distinctive and so pleasing and so... I mean that for over 40 years, since way back in the gay 90s, Grape Nuts has been a leading American favorite. Now, I was going to say the same thing for you. Well, if you want to put it that way, I could add a few years. No, Jack, no, Jack, let that swell, molly-rich Grape Nuts flavor that crisp, crunchy Grape Nuts texture speak for itself. And Grape Nuts is a basic seven food, too, friends, full of all-around whole-grain nourishment. So for a delicious, nutritious breakfast treat, just call for Grape Nuts, America's favorite. Well, folks, next Sunday, we'll be with you at the same time broadcasting from the Navy Small Crab Training Center at Roosevelt Base on Terminal Island. Terminal Island. I want to thank Mark Hellinger, Raul Walls, and Jimmy Kern for appearing here through the courtesy of Warner Brothers. And oh, yes, Lassie Barking through the courtesy of MGM. Now, folks, please remember the March of Dimes and War Bonds. Good night, everybody. Hot Grape Nuts sweet meal. Oh, boy, what an elegant dish. Wiper nourishment and flavor, it's got everything you'd wish. Hot Grape Nuts sweet meal. Oh, boy, what a wonderful prize. When you buy this well-new cereal in the new economy size, ask for the big new economy package of Hot Grape Nuts sweet meal. Compare the value. Grape Nuts sweet meal gives you 30 full ounces more cereal for your money. Luscious, grand roasted wheat flavor, real whole wheat nourishment. Get Hot Grape Nuts sweet meal in the new economy package tomorrow. This is the National Broadcasting Company.