 Hi, I'm Matthew coast head dating coach and founder of commitment connection calm and in today's video We're gonna talk about how to get a man to commit to you the five pillars of commitment I'm a lot of women think that men are commitment phobic and and there's there's some truth to that men are somewhat afraid of commitment, but they have really good reasons to be commitment phobic and You know a lot of times falling in love Isn't the only thing that a man needs in order to commit to a woman and so if you want to a man to commit to you Then you need to understand what he needs in order to commit to you And so these are kind of the five pillars These are the five pillars that you need to do if you want a man to commit to you And so the first one is keep a separate life keep a life that's separate from the relationship So one of the biggest mistakes that women make is that they commit to a man before he decides that She is the right woman if you commit to a guy before he thinks that you're the right woman to be with Then you're gonna be committed Alone you're not going to be he's not gonna be committed you are and that doesn't turn out very well because it ends up making a guy feel like your need and so What you need to do is not only not commit to him immediately But also kind of have keep your life their separate life a lot of women like they just give themselves to that relationship and it's And it's not healthy in any way It may seem noble, but it's not healthy and it doesn't make him want to commit to you and stay committed to you So keep a separate life, you know, keep friends outside the relationship, you know, do things outside the relationship You know, you can even date Until he's committed to you date other people You know, but make sure that you're open about it and that you're honest about it and that you're not hiding anything So the second pillar is creating and maintaining Boundaries so men value women who value themselves and You know, it may seem like a lot of women have a hard time saying no to men But if you let a guy walk all over you walk all over you he'll end up leaving you eventually Because you don't value yourself and so you need to value yourself because he will value you more When you value yourself and you want to if you want to know more about creating and maintaining boundaries I have a video and podcasts and stuff that go over that topic. So you can go and search for that The third pillar is to allow him to invest time energy and emotion Into the relationship. So a lot of times women will You know, they'll commit to the relationship and then they go into this like, you know High gear where they're like taking control of everything and planning everything and planning the dates and doing and everything And and he doesn't feel committed to the relationship. He doesn't feel invested he has an invested time and energy and effort and That's what he needs in order to commit. He needs to invest Because that that's what makes him feel like he's a part of the relationship if he doesn't do those things He won't commit no matter what else you do. So he needs to feel invested in the relationship So let him invest encourage him to pursue you encourage him to invest And I'm not talking about money. I'm talking about energy. I'm talking about emotion. I'm talking about time Men don't commit for your reasons They commit for their reasons and that's a huge mistake that a lot of women make is they think oh, well, I'm in love I'm committed. He should be committed But you know, you need to respect what he wants and what his reasons are otherwise Again, you'll be committed by yourself and you obviously don't want that. Nobody wants that So the next one is to make him feel safe enough to emotionally connect with you You know and The whole falling in love thing, you know, I when I say that it's that's not all that matters for a man It's not but it's important and a guy. It's kind of like the first step, right? Like he has to feel Emotionally connected to you. He has to fall in love with you and the way that he falls in love with you is Feeling like he can be safe like he's safe to Emotionally open up and connect with you without getting hurt by you and a lot of women Kind of put down men or you know, they see guys like making fun of each other And so they think that they should do that because they see guys doing it to each other But if a guy wants guy friends, he'll make guy friends, right? If he wants a woman in his life, then he'll want a woman not another guy and You know, when you're making fun of guys and you know, and you're making fun of the guy that you're with It'll make him feel like he can't really open up to you Emotionally, you know, he needs somebody that's on his side. He needs somebody who's there with him in this journey of his life Figuring things out and you know, you can be that one for him and Lastly the last thing that he needs is he needs to He needs an alignment he needs you to align with his life in his values You know a lot of people talk about like commonalities. Oh, we need to have commonalities together, you know You can have as many commonalities as you want with a guy But if your values aren't in alignment, you know, if you If you guys don't see the same on Important topics to each other then things will fall apart no matter how many commonalities you have together And I actually saw that in a friend of mine's relationship really recently He they had tons the reason they got together was because they had so many commonalities and they're just like oh, yeah, we're just constantly doing things together and we're always together and we're doing all this stuff and they ended up Breaking up because you know, she was getting drunk all the time and you know running around and you know flirting with guys And he's like hey, I want something serious here and You know and they just weren't in alignment he couldn't see himself being with her in a long term Relationship you couldn't see them being together in the far distant futures Which is what a man needs to be able to see in order to have the desire to commit to you So that's it for this video if you want more information on how to attract mr. Right into a committed Lasting relationship. Make sure you go to my website at commitment connection calm and take the quiz I'm Matthew coast and I'll speak with you again soon