 And at the same time, people are falling in love all the time, just like my two clients. So what's the antidote to this? Folks, I recommend a tremendous amount of time. Let's talk about those five questions men ask when they're falling in love. So really quickly, I wanna be transparent with you. I saw this title posted by several of my contemporaries and what was interesting is they approached it from the perspective of the five questions they asked themselves when they fall in love. But I thought about what kind of hints, what kind of questions are men asking you when they really like you, when they really are starting to have feelings for you beyond the surface. So I thought we'd dig in from the perspective of what you might be hearing versus what they might be saying inside their head. Now I wanna start this broadcast by saying, I had a great week last week. Last week, I had two clients reach out to me, one who just finished my coaching, my private coaching program about four months earlier. And she told me, gave me the heads up that she's been in a six week relationship and they're inseparable. And she said she knows the difference. She knows the difference. And that's one of the things I like about when I work with a client is when they meet men, they can tell the difference. The men who are actually leaning into love versus those men who are love bombing, those men who are coming on strong only to disappear later. And then my other client who worked with me about seven months ago, well, she texted me to tell me that she got engaged and I was so happy for her. And I'll be candid with you. I don't think she'd mind me sharing this is that she lives in Alaska of all places. And I really thought it was gonna be hard for her to meet someone in Alaska. Although in retrospect, there's probably more men in Alaska than there are women. So ladies, if you wanna go to a target rich environment, you may wanna move to Alaska. Not that I'm recommending that, but I was very excited for her. So it was a really great week. Up until Thursday. So it was a good week, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and then Thursday, I received a call from a prospective client and she shared her story of being really let down in a relationship. And then later that day, I had another one and another one and another one. In fact, in the last three or four days, I've heard so many stories from women who have engaged in a relationship with someone only to have the person turn around. And what I mean by turn around, it was almost to the extent that they were a completely different person. And it really saddens me to think of what's happening today in the dating, mating and relating realm. I've seen a real shift in dating in the last five or six years, partly because of these devices, I think it's bastardized the dating process, the swipe dating process. In fact, there are now so many movies on how the algorithms are designed to keep you swiping, swiping, swiping. So the companies make money. And even the more, we'll say reputable companies, the ones that are the dating sites, not the dating apps, although they all have dating apps associated with them, even the way they operate, they're actually hiding so many people. In other words, hiding your ability to meet people. And it's becoming very distressing that the system is designed to keep everyone in failure mode. Let me repeat that. The system is designed to keep everyone in failure mode. In fact, I don't know if you saw the recent Matrix movie, The Matrix 4, but it said negative emotions now generates more energy than positive emotion. People who are hyper-sensitive, what their emotional state is in a state of anxiety, depression, and flux, to keep people in a flux actually promotes more energy. And it really saddens me. And I do believe that dating triggers our number one emotional health issue that's plagued most everyone else on the inside of suffering in some way, shape, or form, of not feeling good enough, not feeling likable, and not feeling lovable, and imagine this, and it saddens me because I'm seeing a habitual experiences from my women and myself included where you get all excited about someone and then there's a let down and you get excited about someone and there's a let down. And I spend a tremendous amount of time, a tremendous amount of brain power, asking myself, how can we do this better? How can this dating process be better? Because the reality is these days we're meeting total strangers. And we're meeting strangers. We really know nothing about them. And if they don't have either a social media footprint or they don't have any friends in their town and they're not connected with their family and there's like five degrees of separation from you and the other person, it makes it very difficult to feel a level of trust. And I don't, I'm not saying this to scare people. I'm saying this to actually wake human beings up, to wake human beings up. It's time to not look at this dating process from a naive perspective. I know many of my contemporaries got married at a young age and these are people who are relatively emotionally mature and they met someone else who was relatively emotionally mature and they started families with them. But for our age bracket, it's a fucking shit show out there. And I'm sad to say, I think it requires being way more diligent in the beginning phase. So we avoid going down the rabbit hole with the wrong person. This is why I've been lately recommending this book. If you haven't read it by Malcolm Gladwell, talking to strangers, what we should know about the people we don't know. You know, and part of why I'm saying this, it's interesting. I've been reading this book by the founder of eHarmony. It's called Two Dates Are Less. Two Dates Are Less by the founder of eHarmony. Why am I bringing this up? Is it talks about the 25 qualities that are most must haves to determine compatibility. And why I'm leaning into this today because I believe ever since the dating apps, ever since really, look, when I was in my 20s and 30s, you know, my friends and I would go out Friday and Saturday night. And the whole thing was you go to bars or dance clubs to pick up chicks. You know, it was like, it's Friday night, let's go pick up chicks. It's Friday night, let's go pick up chicks. And, you know, back then the whole dating process was completely different, although alcohol was involved, so oftentimes you might get lucky. And I'm not professing that's the right way of going about it, but it was a whole different organic feeling. In fact, when I met my ex-wife, not only did she know several of my closest friends, she grew up in the city right next door to me. We had a lot in common. And while it didn't work out and that's okay because we have a couple of beautiful children from the process, although sadly Connor's not here. Oh, sorry, that affected me. For those who don't know, I lost a child a few years ago. So when I shared that, it just totally brought it all right in my consciousness. So let me bring it back to where I was going. You know, when I met my wife, there was a sense of synergy and today we're meeting total strangers. And I think it's incumbent upon us, especially if you didn't see the Netflix series, Tinder Swindler, to really, I think it's time to be more diligent. And this is in particular in the area when we sleep with someone. And while I'm not the biggest fan of the following book I'm gonna recommend, I'm starting to wonder if this makes more sense is the book by Steve Harvey called, act like a lady, think like a man. And again, I'm not suggesting buy this book but he has a philosophy and I'm gonna read it. You know, just the chapter number 11, the 90 day rule and his philosophy is you wait 90 days to have sex. And I really am starting to wonder if that doesn't make more sense to hold off the physicality of a relationship until you've actually established some level of trust. And folks, you know, I talk about this frequently. It takes about a hundred hours of face-to-face time just to build level one of trust. And that might take 10 days. And quite frankly, as we get older we are dealing with a far more dysfunctional population. Just because someone is older doesn't mean their relationship skills are any better than a 20 year old. In fact, I think as we age we become more and more dysfunctional because there's more layers upon layers of dysfunctionality that's happened in our life. And if you're not familiar with my chart called emotional maturity and relationship skills, by the way, really quickly, this is not a fact. This is an opinion. I roughly believe 20% of the population has clinical issues. These are people, I mean, I'm not gonna get into it but these are people that have, listen, I'm not suggesting clinical issues doesn't mean they can't be in a relationship but it makes it challenging to be in a relationship. And by the way, over here, I say 20% is emotionally healthier as good skills. I'm being ridiculously generous because the vast majority of the population is dysfunctional. And look at, I'm starting to believe it's going to be the needle in the haystack and any of my contemporaries that are selling you on this fantasy, it's time folks to wake up to study human behavior. In fact, I did a post the other day on Instagram that said in 1996, it used to be you had me at hello and in 2020, you had me at I do therapy. You know, I'm wondering now, how important is it to ask these really deeper questions? And I talk about this continually about being radically honest but asking deeper questions before you invest time in the wrong person because we've all been indoctrinated in this belief that chemistry equals relationship success and that's the furthest thing from the truth. And if you're not familiar with my chart on relationship iceberg chart, you can see chemistry is where we notice attraction but compatibility is really, do we share the same values? Do we have lifestyles blendable and is this person emotionally mature? And as we feel into these, the waterline of attraction drops and we feel greater attraction. By the way, someone said it's time to laminate these and put it in a professional manner. Folks, if someone's willing to do it for me, I'm happy. You would, you know, to mail it to me as long as it fits in a three by six card that would be great or whatever. This is a half a sheet of paper, three by eight or five by eight, excuse me. So why am I so emphasizing this so much right now before I get into how man demonstrates love? Because listen, I'm your big brother. If I could be there on a first date for you to have the shotgun out pointed at the guy's face and say, what are your intentions with my little sister? And what I mean to say is when we're dating strangers and we know nothing about them, there's no fear on their end to be caught, to really care about your feelings. But listen, if you knew, if your big brother was gonna kick the shit out of the guy, he might be a little bit more conscious. And I'm telling you today, people are showing up completely self-serving. And at the same time, people are falling in love all the time, just like my two clients. So what's the antidote to this? Folks, I recommend a tremendous amount of books to help prepare you. One in particular is my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? By the way, there's a link below to get all the books I recommend. This is a journey of personal development, self-help, and spiritual work to prepare you for the shit show that we're out there. And everybody knows my line. Before the penis goes inside the vagina, you both should be reading the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. Folks, it's time to set a higher standard. It's time to set boundaries because the worst thing you can do is invest in the wrong person and then find yourself emotionally devastated. And this is what's happening over and over again. And I think it's time to really slow the sexual process down. Whether it's Steve Harvey's 90-day rule or reading this book before you have sex, you wanna weed out the looky-loos because there are a lot of buyers and there are a lot of liars out there, as it's said in sales. And you wanna know who's really legit. And so what I'm about to share gives you a little insight into where maybe guys might actually be falling in love and be legit. So I wanna share with you the five questions. These are just off the top of my head. There's probably dozens of questions being asked. These are just some that I think will make a difference. By the way, is this content so far making a difference? Give me an amen in the corner. Tell me this, give me a thumbs up right now. Hit a thumbs up here, but let me know that what I just shared for the last 10 minutes is sinking in. Please let me know. Because I'm really talking about dating with a level of intentionality and not this surface level dating that's happened. Believe me, I am guilty of surface level dating. So I mean, I'm speaking from a place of I've done this as well. So let's jump into those five questions you ask. All right, number one. If a man, here's one I thought of. I thought this might be cool. For the guys who are more evolved, they might ask you what your love language is. What your love language is. If you're not familiar with the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. If a man asks you what your love language is, that's a really good sign. Now I can't guarantee that that's gonna lead to him falling in love with you, but I do believe that someone who's read some of these books and asks you that question, by the way, most people today are aware of this book. This is a popular book for men and women alike. So I think that's a good sign that he wants to, he wants to lean into exploring something deeper than the surface. That's what all of these are. These are just questions that are designed to wanna go beyond the surface. So number one, what's your love language? Number two, I think this is a really good question. Oh, by the way, coming back to the love language, I said, even if he doesn't know the book, a man will wanna know how you wanna be in love, how you want to be loved. So just let me say this, he might not know the book, but he might ask you how do you wanna be loved if he's not aware of the book? All right, number two, where do you see yourself in five years? Now this is a question a lot of women ask men, but I think a man who genuinely is falling for you wants to get a sense of where you see your future. Now, keep in mind, for the 20 year olds and 30 year olds, they're asking completely different questions. And that's actually a question that 20 or 30 year old might ask. But certainly for those of us in our 40s, 50s and 60s, that gives you an indication that he's trying to get a sense of where you see yourself in your life so he can go, can I fit into her life? Can she fit into my life? I mean, that's a question where that's, by the way, men who are genuinely serious about a relationship are gonna be asking you those questions, design, how does she fit into my life? How do I fit into her life? And I think that's a great question to ask as well. All right, so next, number three, I thought this was a cute one. What's something you can't stand in life? What's something you can't stand in life? He's trying to get a sense of your deeper personality. I think this is an interesting question because this really goes beyond the surface of how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. Most people, they're hyper focused on how your day is going and not asking the deeper questions about your personality. By the way, one of the things in the book, Eight Dates, it talks about the importance of discussing, hold on, let me show you this, conflict resolution skills, sex and intimacy, money, family and growth, adventure and play, these are deeper questions that people that ask these deeper questions, someone wrote five years from now, I hope I'm alive and healthy, I love that one. But asking these deeper questions gives you a sense that they want to know more about you than the surface. And number four, and I actually got this from a younger gentleman, he was in his mid 30s and one of his primary criteria centered around financial status. So the question is what's your financial history or status because money plays a big role in the survival today. Folks, 80% of Americans make less than $100,000 a year in the significant population of the midlife or divorce. So there's alimony, child support, visitation rights, raising children and money is a big component of this. So I was speaking of this 30 year old man, one of his main criteria, his non-negotiable was, I don't wanna date someone who's in debt. And that was because he was in relationship with several women who had major continual money problems. So I think a man who asks you about money is actually not, listen, I know they could be trying to scan you. I'm talking about a more evolved relationship than a first, second or third date. But I think it's important to understand that's a critical question to determine compatibility with one another. And number five, and again, there's dozens of questions a man might ask. These are just five that I shared. I love this question because it's something near and dear to my heart. Because the question is, what's your greatest passion and what brings you joy? What is your greatest passion and what brings you joy? I think that's a question of the man, listen, a man who's only in it for the short run, he's not gonna ask most of these questions, but when a man asks what's your greatest passion, what's your joy, that's someone who really wants to get to know you beyond the surface. And that's what this is all about because folks, as I shared with you, it's a fucking shit show out there. I mean, can we agree it's a mess out there dating and it is not gonna get any better. This whole, by the way, part of it is because the world is in chaos right now. There is so much emotional chaos going right now just to actually find two people that are compatible with one another is becoming progressively harder. So look at, we can bury our heads in the sand or we can give up on love. We can give up on finding a life mate. I refuse to give up on a life mate. I lean into that desire that we feel that chemical attraction for one another, that desire that we feel that level of banter and communication that can go on for hours and hours of the time. I have that desire where we can blend our lives together. I have that desire where we share the same values with one another and we have the emotional skills and relationship skills to lean into deeper love, especially when there's conflicts and challenges and relationship and last and most importantly that we can develop those roots of trust and we do those things like shared values or excuse me, social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, intimacy, both physical and emotional, intimacy together and that we speak each other's love language and those roots build trust because trust is not just simply, trust is not just simply, I trust that you won't cheat on me, trust is I can trust that my feelings matter to you as much as your feelings matter to my, my feelings matter to you as much as they matter to me and vice versa. And that's my invitation, that prayer that I invite you all to a call into your life. Wow. Can I get an amen? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. All right, those five questions a guy asks when he's starting to have deep feelings for you and he's falling in love, I hope that helped give you some insight into the guys who are the looky-loose and the guys that possibly might go beyond the surface and go deeper with you because let's face it, look it, there's a lot of fucked up people out there, we are all human and we have issues. But at the same time, when reading all these books and doing the personal development work I invite you all to do is actually becomes a magnetic attractor for what you desire. And just like those two clients that called me last week I want you to experience that. And by the way, if you want some support and help check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you. We're gonna wrap up this video. The five questions men ask when they fall in love with you really quickly they are, what is your love language? Where do you see yourself in five years? What's something you can't stand in life? What's your financial history or status and what's your greatest passion or what brings you joy? I hope you found value in this. If you did, please share this with your friends. Please, please check out my book, What the Heck Is Self Love? Anyway, check out the discovery call with me. Please like this video from the bottom of my heart. I hope you found value. If I'm making a difference in your life please say Jonathan, you're making a difference before this episode runs out. I'd love to hear that it's, this is making a difference in your life. All right, I'm gonna sign up as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pat, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye everyone. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.