 Hi, baby. Hey. How you doing? Good. Jared is so excited to do this video. This is a follow-up video to our open relationship. I'm going to call this one, yo, questions on our open relationship. There is over 3,000 comments. And when you think about that, think about any relationship that you have with someone special to you and getting 3,000 opinions on that relationship. Jared never read the comments. So you probably have 10 maximum. No, I've read them. I've read them here and there. I just find an interesting that everyone has an opinion on it and it's not, I mean you can have an opinion, title your opinion, I don't care about it. But when you start like making personal attacks. But I do feel a responsibility because there are not a lot of tools out there to listen to alternate styles of relationships. There's not a lot of people who are in them or who are talking about them and I think for good reason because when you talk about it, you get all those negative comments. So I feel a sense of responsibility to have this dialogue. Okay, so first question came from Twitter. It is from a girl named Ellen and she says, why are you in an open relationship? I like the freedom. I enjoy the freedom. You know, it might not work for most people, but you know, I always get the craziest questions like, so you're okay if Shannon getting blown out by another dude? And I'm like, obviously not. I'm not okay with that. But at the end of the day, like Shannon is a person. Yeah. I don't own her. You know what I'm saying? I'm sure you wouldn't like a woman putting it on me. You know what I'm saying? It's not, it's not something that you would enjoy. Yes. You know what I'm saying? Like that's what people are. I think people are like, oh, well, you must just be in the swingers or you must do that. No, no, I don't, we don't, we don't want to, to a partner to go and you know, have sex with other people. But we want that our partner to grow and be the best person that they can be. I just wanted to answer this question because someone did say open relationships only work when people have a high sex drive. That is not the case, I think for either one of us. Both describe us as not high novelty seeking people. And that doesn't just come with relationships. Like we're not the kind of people who have to go out constantly. We're not the kind of people who are like, we a new restaurant, new things with the travel all the time. Like we're pretty content with ourselves and our tools and what we have and we enjoy new things, new people. But it's not like it's a drive every day. I am a sexually monogamous person because of the job that I do and how much I'm aware of what is out there and how hard it is to find a really good sexual partner for me. I just don't have the drive to have sex with other people. The trust that we built and how I know you take care of me, you know what works for me. It's just not a big drive of mine. And it never has been like, people always say that when they see someone they're like, yo, like I want to fuck that person. That never crosses my mind. What crosses my mind? I want to make out with that person. I always want to make out with somebody. I want to kiss somebody and never think, oh, I can't wait to feel like I just don't think that way. So that's that. If Jared says to have the experience, that's his decision and I'm okay with that. Let's clarify this because I guess a lot of people had questions about how can they be an open relationship if nobody has ever tested it. The way that we even really came up on the term open relationship is that there was somebody in my life. So five years ago, I had an experience with somebody who that wasn't a sexual experience, but was just a deeply emotional connection with this person who I perceived to be my soulmate or my ideal match. This is back in 2012 at this point. And that situation ended abruptly. And he moved on. I moved on. But I moved on to a not so great relationships as a result in my mind. The legend of this person grew. And the idea that this person could save me from this misery that I was in grew in my mind. And I put out a video in February of last year talking about this relationship. He reached out to me and was coming to LA. And there was a lot of unanswered question there. There was a lot of unresolved love, lingering feelings. And I had to ask Jared if it was OK for me to exercise the option to get to know that person again. If you didn't give me the space to understand that relationship and why it didn't work five years ago and apply that to right now, I don't think that in this particular situation, it could have gone a different way and gone any better. And I don't want the, you know, what I like about this is that, you know, if I do have someone that sparks, you know, something different in me, I have somebody to go to and talk to. And I know this too. Like, I could come and I could say, I want to experience this woman. She has the option to say, at least pick somebody that's going to further you. You don't pick a dud, you know what I'm saying? People want to be in the dark so much. The dark never helped nobody. If you want to be in an open relationship that's dark like that, then you probably shouldn't be in an open relationship. Whitney asks, do you have suggestions for trying to talk to your partner when you have already been in a long-term monogamous relationship but you know you want something different? You said it? Talk to him. You know, you just talk to him. And in that situation, it's going to be tough because you already built a normality and change. People don't like change. I think you have to depersonalize things. You need to depersonalize a lot of things in life but it's not like I'm saying you're not enough for me. You know what I mean? People equate that. I don't understand how you even add those two up. I think that you want to make sure the person realizes the decision that you're making is not because of who they are but because of who you are. Because of how you best express love and feel loved that this kind of relationship would suit you better and that you're willing to give that person the liberty and return. It has to be the equal yin and yang exchange. For example, even doing that full-screen show me going on 10 dates, 10 different dudes, I know that me taking that action even though it's work-related will reflect what I have to in turn give you the space to do. And also know that you're not making this decision out of a place of insecurity but out of a place of security and knowing yourself and knowing what works best for you. So at 623, which I don't remember the exact thing but I'm kind of aware we can play it right now. If I find out about someone else via someone else be that your phone, be that someone telling me something that would be a deal breaker because I've given you every opportunity to be honest and to come to me and if you still feel the need to sneak around like you're just a shithead to me. If it's open, wouldn't it be all open? Why would you have to talk about it at all? If people get so hung up on labels, you know, if you just take, remove the label remove the open label on that and just look at it as a relationship, you know it's just a non-traditional relationship. In a relationship, in a friendship, in a mother-son relationship, in a father-son relationship there is things where you don't necessarily want to find out from somebody else. I'm going to the movies and I see Shannon with another dude at the movies that's gonna be awkward. If she comes and talks to me and says hey I'm gonna go to the movies with X, Y and Z I'm not gonna go down to the movies I don't wanna see that. Or I'm a part of it. I can help her navigate through it. I can see what are the, what are the qualities that this guy has that I don't have. That everything's a learning process for everybody. I just say it's just, it's just good to know. It's just good to have that open communication. Asking this to Jared, Jared puts out these videos that are short music videos and I shot most of them. When I was away for a Christmas break he had his friend shoot one of them and it came out, it's my favorite one by the way. Shout out to you, Stephane. That's my favorite, that's my favorite, same favorite one. No, you should see the bras, this all over the place. Really? I feel like he brought out something special in you, like a comfort. Oh yeah, there was a little bit more comfort. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it was great, it was my favorite one. So my family, when he put that on Instagram because they followed Jared, they were like, oh, he put out a new video who shot this one, it was another girl. I'm like, listen people, the reason why I've chosen my relationship style is that this doesn't even have to be a conversation. I have so much trust in what we have because there are no hard red lines. Nothing that he could do or feel or experience that's gonna be an automatic, well fuck you, pack your shit, you're out the door. So for that reason, you should always come to me and talk to me. And I know that, so I don't worry about other women. I don't go through your phone because I know if there was something to talk about, we would have talked about it already. That trust is so important and crucial and what we've built is so important and crucial that if you broke that or if I broke that, it would be very difficult. Yeah, that's like what conversation we had last night. Another Twitter question, this one comes from Ray, she says, do you feel like this is the key to healthy relationships because it's a true way of practicing trust and freedom? There's no key. People are different. People are wired different. People have different experiences in life. People grow differently. People learn things differently. People experience things differently. It's like saying it is enchiladas the perfect food. Some people don't like enchiladas. It's the perfect relationship for us. It might not be the perfect relationship for you or it might be. I don't know. That's for you to answer. Such a good answer. Natalie J. Walker says, what was the test you referred to that you took with Jared and you both wanted securely attached partners? And so in the info box below, I'll put this test. There's different styles of attachments. There's avoidantly attached. There's anxiously attached. Securely attached is when you have that trust that that person loves you and chooses you and if you're your space between you, it's for good reason and trusting space. I gotta say too, I am so grateful you're not a texture. You have no idea. I'm so grateful that you could go the whole day and just reconnecting at the end of the day because that just helps so much. That helps so much. And then you connect when we need to move on to, you know what I'm saying? But I like that we have that ability to have a life. You know what I mean? You have a life, you know? So it's just cool. I like that. I like it too. This question I got the most. You're gonna hate it. You're already gonna dislike it. I know that, that's fine. This is from blue, black, purple. Also a cool name. An open relationship is still a friends with benefits. Calling it open is just a way not to call it what it really is, which is a friends with benefits situation. I got so many, why don't you guys call it a friends with benefits? Why would you want to call it? You call it whatever you want to call it. I don't care what you call it. Call it, call it that. Whatever you want to call it. We were in a friends with benefits relationship. We lived in separate apartments. We rarely went out together as friends. We did not introduce each other as partners. To me at the end of the day, every relationship is a relationship. I am in relation to you guys. I say this all the time, we have a relationship. We have an open relationship to be honest with you because I see other people. That's why it's not a friends with benefits because I had one and it was clear about it and it's not that anymore. And so I've chosen a new term. If you aren't happy with that, I'm really fucking sorry. Lola23, she says, so what happens if one of them finds someone they think is worth more than their secure relationship? If you find someone worth more than me, then I'm happy for you. I'll be hurt, but everything hurts in life and sometimes you grow from that and what you've already given me is enough, you know? And anything more than you give me is great, you know? So if you do find someone that's better than me, then I would be happy for you. That's not gonna, I'm not saying that in the sense of like I won't be hurt. Of course I'll be hurt. Of course it would be devastating, but at the end of the day, I'm not gonna hold you back. I had this quote that I was using a lot last year when I was doing that whole transition of my life. And it was, it's not fair, but fuck them. And then you adjusted that to me to it is fair, but fuck them. Meaning that what you experience in the exchange of somebody is supposed to be enough. You don't owe someone tomorrow. You don't owe someone next year because what you have in that moment, you're supposed to be getting reciprocity from. So if you're in a relationship that ends abruptly, then you feel like, well, what the fuck because I didn't cash out. This isn't fair to me. That means that you didn't advocate for your needs in the moment. What we have is enough. So there is always gonna be a fairness. If things transition and things end, I'm gonna look back and say, it doesn't matter. It's not like I have to cash out on my investment. I got what I wanted. I got the love. I got so much love. And it's not gonna be like, I'm out. If you're on someone else, it would be a transition to where I wouldn't be like, dead, out for dead. You know what I'm saying? I don't think you would. No. I think if you found something different, it would be like, okay, cool. I found something different. It's transition. Let's figure this out. How do we both, you know, part from this safely? I said that to you the day because it's like Jared at this point in his career right now. Well, first of all, he just released, it's called All the King's Horses and it's been years in the making and it was, if you haven't watched the video on our channel, so we have our own channel. Jared has videos with his friends, I've used it with my friends and I'm gonna do videos together. It's called The Examined Life but we did a video talking about his music journey. I really, I believe I have a gift of seeing extraordinary people and when I very first connected with you, I knew there was something special about you. I knew that you were destined for greatness. I knew that your voice was powerful. And because I've known that at a really early stage on, I've had a lot of help in helping you and investing time in you. And we were out filming one of your videos and I was like, man, part of this openness is an acceptance, you know, an acceptance that whatever, anything can and will happen. That's life period but rules are a way of giving us comfort and security because it's open, it's free and that's frightening. It would be hard to see you blossom and grow and become this massive person and star you're supposed to be and then get left behind. In all honesty, like that's so out of my character. You know what I'm saying? Even if we didn't work out relationally, I 100 believe like the amount of help that you give to me, if I don't even foresee this happening but if we don't make it out at the end of the day, you would be the reason I made it. So I know that. What I receive in this moment is enough from you. I'm not being good to you because I'm like, I know for a fact, this is gonna be him in a few years. So I'm gonna be good to him right now even though I don't want to because I can see in the future getting a payout. I'm good to you right now because you're amazing to me. You know, I'm good to you right now and I devote myself to you because I feel that in return. And we talked about that mutual being witness. Like a lot of times people may have the impression that one of us is whipped. Somebody's being played in this situation. No one's being played. All right, is it open? Hey, hey. Hey. We're just finishing up and you're coming. Oh, sure, are you filming here? Yeah. Oh, nevermind. No, it's actually better this way. Hey. It's actually better this way. Hey. Go get to have a little cameo. Oh, hey, there's a camera. Where's it at? Oh, they're everywhere. Yeah. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Okay, so this is cute. What's up, lady? Hi. I'm gonna use your bathroom. I'm gonna take a shit while you guys finish. Bye. So we both have sex with Ari, for example. Yeah, all the time. And that's what it is. All the time. Look, I wanted big titties and I never had them. And as I got older and I got like a lot more comfortable with my body and like the muscle that I have and everything and being like androgynous as well. Like everything just worked. Like everything just started to work. Like the way that I was set up, I looked down and I'm like, yeah, this makes sense now. So like as like my younger, like 13 year old self, like I think she wanted to just look like everyone else. And now that I'm like the person that I am and like very comfortable with like who I am, it just everything when I look down just makes sense. Look at the sick velvet, what is it? Do you want to feel me? Yeah, that is fresh. You didn't feel her in a sexual way though, you pitched her. It really wasn't that... I thought we had a sexual way. Shit, I thought we were getting it in. That just gave it away. No, I was trying to feel the whole... Oh, now I'm getting massage, this is great. Yeah, see, I got you. This is nice. All right, well, since I got tacked into the relationship, hi guys. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Is it really good? No. Oh, shit. Well, you guys handle the standard. You're my, probably one of my only friends who was like, thank you. Thank you for declaring open relationships as an option. Oh, yes. And thank you for putting it out there. Yeah. You are single, but why does the idea work for you? I just, monogamy always feels so constricting. And I feel like we all have this like the set of rules that we apply to relationships that like the moment you say it's an open relationship, it's like, you can kind of create your own rules. Open relationships are kind of like on your own terms. Right? I don't know, I think that's why I like them. I love the term on your own terms. Yeah. Yeah, because I'm a good person. Like my desires are good and healthy. I don't wish malice for other people. So you don't have to limit my terms in order for me to be a good person or partner. Like I recently did a video, oh my God, actually. Shameless plonk, though. So, in the comments below you'll see this link as well. I recently did a video titled, Am I a Fuckboy? And like I haven't even talked about it at all. Like the interesting thing is so many people were like, I thought you were so cool. I'm unsubscribing now because like you're obviously, you're playing people and all this stuff. I'm like, no, if the people I was intimate with were in this room right now, they'd be like, oh no, it's totally like open. It's totally honest. It's totally respectful. I think that that's always been my approach to things and everyone has all these things that they attach to me given the fact that I am not looking for a relationship with a monogamous woman. I give everyone the chance to say, I'm not, you know, I'm not down. And I feel like I still get asked so I think it's okay. I'm still getting asked that never changed. I'm gonna drop the mic. Right? There we go. Nicely done. I'm not damaging my body. I'm not damaging my property. I'm gonna put this down slowly.