 Hi, I would like to thank my past self for that health segment. Okay, no, seriously, due to public demand because mental health is imporrant and all things leading up to it, we had to play it again. And that also sparked conversation, wacha kumzansalimi Hilary. Hilary, thanks for doing what you do best. I saw that interview, it was very, very riveting and we appreciate you. So, previously to quote Noliza Apa and these are my guests. Uli kuna chezanje ukiwam tui, e mawa nemitua pyes, sama kukakakwa nuwe. You go outside and see a bird, you think it's a butterfly. Tell me, at 254 Facebook, at 254 channel, Twitter, hashtag is why in the money. So it is about that time. Aya wanume, kuja tkuna metia ta kwen, piya wewe kuja kuja. You can just have a seat somewhere. We are going to have very, very heavy discussion today. And it is, how can you tell that you are in a situation or in a relationship with the wrong person or partner? Heavy, heavy, but we have also heavy guests. Noa jise mesasa. Good morning. Good morning. How are you? I'm good. What's your good name? My name is Bonface Mok. What do you do, Bonface? I'm a student. What do you study? Journalism and mass communication. Aha, where can we find your social media? At Mokabonface on Instagram and Twitter. Today we will put your skills to the test. Luka na Skype class? Aha, I'm not good at that one. Kweli? Ya. Kwa siwa kulala piya wu kwenyuma unendatuna jitandiki apu kitanda vaveness? Jazwa ya. Jazwa ya? So you are a good student? Mama na. Awww. Zazwa. Hmmm. Okay. Hai. Hai. You are a no face? Yes. Wanakuita nani? Nani chu moses. Masha reya. Moses tabidiume guruma. Unakam kubuata saut na tokei tokei. It's okay. There we go. Moses, what do you do? I'm a student here at Nairobi. Ya. What do you study? It's a mathematical course. Let's leave it at that. Masematik? Where we name to your masematik? Abu tell me the title just so I can say I know something about masematik. Economics and statistics. Wow. Kwa kwa bifajiwa social media? On Instagram moses the dude. The dude. Ya. You are the dude. Nice to meet you moses. Minim chokosi tabidiume menusoya. Sorry. Okay. In advance. Hai. He's very special. How are you? What do you mean special? You are special. Okay, he's special to Y2F4 fast as a whole team. And I think his thoughts are very mature. So I would love to hear your input on this. Sasuji sem. Okay, thank you very much. It's unwanted to hear that I'm special. But I'm not in high person. But my name is Wiklif Gori. I'm a producer. Okay, broadcasting corporation. I produce a couple of programs. The main one that made me come here is the family check that I produce. It's a relationship program focused on family issues relationship. And you name it, it's pretty much there. Yes. What do you think are the common symptoms of someone being in the wrong type of relationship? Let me just say there is nothing like a wrong relationship. Even though we've had so many people say that I'm in a wrong relationship, the problem is usually what do you want from that particular relationship that you are in. So if what you want is not there, then it looks like it's a wrong relationship. But in essence, it is just a good relationship. It's just that what you need is not there. So there are so many issues that are surrounding relationship that needs to be dealt with just before you even get into one. So that you know, I actually need this first, you need to know who you are. Because if you don't know who you are, then you will not know what you want. So that you'll end up in a very good relationship, but you still feel there is nothing here for me. That's deep. You don't know yourself. I think a couple of people who say that they are in wrong relationships, they start by making that mistake. They don't know who they are and what they want from a relationship. So people are in a relationship. My friends are in a relationship, so I need to get into one. So vision, mission, nothing. And you know, issues like relationship, you treat them like a project. When you're doing a project, you need to have a vision, mission and objective. You know, when that is clearly defined, then you will see, apa, this is where I'm going to get in. And this is where I'm going to get out, for example, if it is not working for me. I told you it's a good thing, Goriz. Ata metan, the whole conversation, now we are focused. We know what to deal with. We are not dealing with the symptoms, we are dealing with the actual disease. All right, let's go to our Facebook page, White Fife on Facebook, White Fife on Twitter. Hashtag is YNZ in mourning. And we are seeing a DVJ, Teddy Boy, after kuposts and social media, don't know who's done the same poor. Ah, yeah, okay. So what you did is oi, sasulim post WCW lafu kambi wa oi. Mta li ano wajiji kwa mba pesa ovi ovi na kudetm tu mwenye hana mwele keo. Oh wow. Ui mwenye onatia kwa utashkili ya moja tu discuss. Mose, standby. Shine Star Music says kwa vi tendo via ke. That's how you know you're in the wrong type of situation. But we've been told there's no such thing as a wrong one. Kelvin Derit says, where she asked for my bank account details. Ah, ya ni wi atataki fair, she wants bank account details. Wow. Charles Rereli wa Shama says good morning. Ken Mwenye, Eric O'Cotts says the behavior always tells a lot. Monam Ken mta biya. Ia Baltazaring Gatis says morning mimi nikiwa na dech de mkora. Ah, badad e mbili mimi waga nishamsoma ehe kitambo. Benja Minianga says hashtag when the morning. Ha, haiva hua hukai hukai proud na wewa ijimkiwa. Karibu na marifuake haizi kupiga intro kabe. I don't understand. Let's say maybe you guys are friends and then at some time you're going to introduce them. It's just this is my friend. Apareli Lazo says good morning. Good morning Apareli Lazo. Happy new week to you and all of them and the team that's putting all the hehe together. You know you are dating the wrong person when A. You have too many arguments from any little issue and end up fighting. B. There is no trust at all. Too many blame games to each other shows that no one is willing to admit they did a wrong thing. Tarnatelsavashayo it's something hard to especially with expert pretenders no doubt. Tashli Kendi says good morning good morning Tashli Kendi knowing you're dating the wrong person is so easy one. Argument kiba over better issues too. He she will never have an understanding come sunshine come rain. He she will never be proud of you will never be ready to tell his friends that this is the person I'm dating even to simple appreciation kwe kastetas. He she will never have your time excuse who are most. 5. No single day ata make effort kukuja kukuona na fiaia ke bila kukuomba. Baby who are you dating? Ish pffo pffo utatumahadi fair place ni so. Woi Twanze apa. Na nomba 2 yo mwake reika e tuapo Twanze sasa wapi. Argument kiba over better issues do you agree? Do you think that is a wrong kind of type of situation? Woi 2 jab na mtu 2 na wituzu nde letru? If the arguments are too many then there is a problem. What do you always have to make it an argument when you two people know one another before I am sure before you go in a step to date someone kwanzo na msuome. Mimi ni kia mwa kudeti mtu sita mga keshe then I decide okay I am dating this guy. I was told ni machu e nu ni machu 2 na una taka. Ni wonga? If some people are different like me I would not just actually I wonder why you can just meet someone and to call like nipati na nomba. You need to have a process like if I need this person kwanzo msuome. What does she like? How does he hang out with her friends? Some kind of things not just waking up and decided okay I am dating Sharon. You would not just wake up and but even siblings fight. If the fightings are too many get out. We are at payment. That comment was made by a person called Lazo. Let me give him my thought. When the arguments are too many then that relation is good. Explain. The reason is when you argue you get to know each other better. I might be a very bad person and I keep to myself I see something which is very bad and needs to be spoken about but I don't talk about it. So those are the guys who keep issues in them and then it will come at a time and then it will explode. So when people argue in a relationship it becomes a platform for you to let that inner self of yours that you don't want people to know because when you are angry you can do funny stuff that someone else wouldn't. But when you argue you get mature with time. So you know this person doesn't like this this person likes this. If I do this one an argument will ens you so that you try to avoid those areas. But if you are in a relationship where there is no arguing you are completely flat you guys are all good through think twice. It is usually time to think twice. I will just say there are too many. My problem is that there are no more things actually there are very few. But if there are too many when does it happen? When does it happen? I think in a kwa tuxit when it starts to get physical that to that extent then you need to think twice if that's the direction you want to head. But if there are just arguments that leads at the end of the day you have a solution if you make a solution you resolve your issues those are normal. Even in production there are usually challenges. You will have one or two challenges. When you are producing a program you expect to have a few challenges and when you are working with people for example when you are two people in a relationship or maybe you are working in a team there are those people whose personalities are you are going to clash. Yes they clash at some point you need to expect that. I don't know that's just my tip and I think it's better. You want to talk to us Mrs. I think arguments are okay but maybe you are the problem. Like you the person who is being argued at when they are shader so for me I would say actually like them but when I say that it's not going to be too much just either you argue then you so that is okay. But if there are too many this and this it's boring whether you are facing issues. Let me say this in a relationship most relationships that works even if they were perceived to be wrong most relationships that works it's between people completely different backgrounds so that you come and realize each other as you grow in the relationship. So when you have a different background for mine then arguments are bound to be there because you are sort of trying to fix a square peg into a round circle or something like that. So it's immediately it's time to fix though it could have been dismantled circle or something like that. So those arguments in a relationship so that you become one if you are in a relationship maybe you are brought up by parents who are teachers so you confirm confirm confirm you both each other in time so that you know the relationship and say you are not bad. I would say the love is lost there is nothing that is wrong with that relationship it's just okay and you don't have arguments so that you get to know each other. Some of the things that I have encountered in a toxic relationship when the argument is no longer we are trying to fix something it's more of I'm trying to bring you down for some I don't know what she's on so instead of I don't like it when you do this okay please meet me halfway we have to compromise and I think that's toxic a bit so it's also the kind of arguments that you're having be sure that no one is bringing you down are we together you're important first you cannot love someone if you don't if you're not whole yes all right so number two he she will never have understanding come sunshine come rain what do you understand by that Moses? I would say maybe you ask someone for too much atia kuna maisha ake kule so far I've realized that you have your own life atia kuna maisha ake so when you say she's not understanding maybe what are you talking about like which aspect because you've been with her yote miote say nduna jo she's not understanding okay I would take it out of context and say maybe ni love language if everyone has their own love language there are like five there's touch there's gifts there's et cetera et cetera so maybe if we're having a situation and I am not loving you according to your love language atia u nesafil nikama sifani kitu I am loving you the best I can just not designed for you it's not your love so is that reason to argue and make up a reason to call it a bad relationship that's not a good reason from my point of view since just communicate like as we if you are like in different campuses and in different places chikua tu semu semu hi hi how you doing enjoy your day jiyoni mambe have a good night like small things that they are word counts okay this is a bit cliche at the small things are the ones that count but nukweli what happens when you find someone who their love language is gifts for example naulim pata evo and it's not like it's going to end she's not going to stop wanting it but ita fika po enteta weman say maybe mfuku eno mia ekonomi ko this other side when you are trying to and ningumu kumu elezea onana ni she will just relax too linear too linear is that now a wrong situation because usha mzoesha kwanza it's very hard to go back after that so at that point she's not understanding you aha hamili wan if u mamzoesha now that is your problem if why now now if usha mzoesha that u nampati atu ma gift ma gift ma gift they are always there so you can't blame her you are the person to blame now if u mamzoesha kilasa you're giving her gifts you are the one to blame but na kanga naila po enteta you want to prove yourself as the man like what are you trying to prove if you love her if you don't you don't na joku na mafisi inze so you have to like build a mountain such that the next guy ko climb ita kwangumu you gave me tricky you guys both of you have got a point but it all boils to the two of you now he said something very critical communication which is very critical in any relationship when you communicate things become easier so even the arguments will not end soon because for example if your girlfriend was going to be with her girlfriend and then she tells you like oh today I'm not going to be around and she actually does that at least you know but when she does that without your knowledge for example and then you realize later that that's what she was doing probably there was nothing wrong that was going on there you'll feel like I'm not part of this relationship you need to recognize the fact that I need to know probably where you are for example the idea of giving her things all men were designed differently my friend if you don't give your girlfriend gifts my friend will touch it can you please know which которые are available you'll have to be very clever Shaming on myself where she was acting just connected I'm not having an issue with gifts my point is if you talk to me you're giving her and you'll understand Bale sigo, mambu hinihata wakimu. Mika kuqu wakimu kwa na ni mwongi waka kwa na watu. Maa yubu yubu, ni wakimu, ni wakimu kwa waka kwa waka, ni wakimu. If you're not nice to your girlfriend, if you're not nice in your relationship, or even if you're a lady and you're not nice to your man, somebody will be nice to them. And that moment when it comes, uta liya kiliyoshia umwa. Mdomu kikiya chinu. And you wouldn't like it. Wow. I told you he's special. Why are you ready? I didn't think so. He she will never be proud of you and will never be ready to tell his or her friends at this person I'm dating. Even to simple apreciasong kweka status. Okay, why does this status thing? What in us war God? Is it like a sign that I have claimed you, you are mine? No, na jo, neza kwa status maniwe peke unona. Please, you know these things happen. It is just only you who is seeing now me fry on cloud 65. Tell me, what do you think about this? On kweka mti status. I don't know. Mimi? No. Why? Why, what are you trying to say? Like, if I'm dating myself, I put you on status. What if I put you, then I block out the others? Would you want to know what is it making? Bono simu eke. I think I'd like to imagine the idea. You love someone. Isn't that the point, no? Bono na mfichu. Mstana tansu fkire evo. Skiza, skiza, even do ma demo fkireya. Maybe if you've not been hit by either experience or exposure, this is how they think. Okay, aja neka status. Why? Bona ja neka status. Bona na nefichu. Why isn't he showing me? Kuna mwingine. Awa kuna mwingine, aizewa to post-see wote at the same time. Mwa mwatuwa to post-see wote. Why would you not want to put on a status? One, putting on a status does not prove I love. I can put you or I don't. If I feel like putting you there, I can consider. But myself, I'm not good in status. So, such stuff. So, kumakai naza kwa ngumu kwa. And what about you, Muses? I mean, naza kwa kwa wiki insisana. But, wote I prefer na, nafakwa mutual. Like, naza kwa kwa kuzna, takai genuinely want to put you there. Si wona nipatia, ati e lazimu niyake, wema niyu na niyake kwa statusiako. Sir, maybe I'm on a lot of people even off kireya. Sir, bestia maybe you're dating Samantha. Samantha is my friend. Samantha has been posted by her boyfriend, but Samantha has not been posted by her. So, akuje na Vita, why haven't you posted me? Mizbona na wumingi na na post. Mademwa wewa, mbonu ni post. You see, that is not what is killing our relationships. If someone is doing something, and you want to talk of a new way, he mambu yezi ka nibo. If you need to talk of a kwa kwa, let me do it. But you see, he falls like, I have to put you there. What is it making to you anyway? Kama liya kwa liya kwa. Tomba na na liya kwa. What I think is, it's the little things that we do that really matters. And it tells us a lot about if you love me or you don't. If you put me for example, if you put me for example on your WhatsApp page or whichever page as the main person there, then I'll feel loved. Because people know me with you, me and you. It becomes very important for me. It's the little things that we do that tells you that this person loves you. Somebody might bring your car as a gift, but they don't appreciate you in the little things. Then you find most of the time that even if you are there, you are there for some other reason and not probably love you get. So for me, I think it's the little things. If you know very well that you love this lady or you love this guy, then why not? We are not rehearsing. As much as there might be other times when you have a different relationship, but when you are into a relationship, you need to be there fully 100%. When you love somebody, at least that's how I was brought up. You don't expect them to love you back 100%. If you love them 100%, that's you as a person and the way you are brought up. If they give you 80%, now work on the 20% that is remaining. I believe that's just how the system works. If all of us can recognize that, then we can have a 0% bad relationship like we had started the conversation again. I wanted to ask, is it really about you if she genuinely just wants her picture on your status? Then we can do that. Do you think it's about you? I mean it's just about making her happy. Do you have to want to do something for her so that you know? I want to do something for her because I want to do it like Ndani Aroh wana taga kukufanya and it will wow you also. I don't want to operate like a soldier ati piga salutu piga. Kimbia apaenda ai wana. Love is freedom. Do what you want to make it better. I won't hold you on the ground ati lazuma on your status. But you can do it well and good. But you can do it up here, don't expect me. Ati juni me kuweka? Ati juni me kuweka sa ati juni me kuweka. I don't know what to say. Do you? All right. Kuna namba 4. He, she will never have your time, the time you need him or her and your excuse who are most. I want to start with an example. Kuna Mr. Aflani kuawali fiwa. It was ati sitias for very, very close nuclear family. But it still hurt, I'm assuming, ju alikwa sad sad. Munya likuwa nona, the guy she was seeing and seeing quote-unquote, nika lemhepa. Nika ali jituwa kwa yo equation. Then later, rizoni likuwa ati oh, I knew you'd be sad, so I just wanted to give you space. But what kind of reaction is that? Hope me understand. That is completely wrong. Let me say that. When you come into a relationship, you become one. I love when you love. So when I have a funeral, you also have the funeral. So you need to be there with me through. You need to be my shoulder to lean on. So why is it that when now somebody has died, my family members died, now you chuck off. And then you pretend like you were doing me time to move on. That ain't right. So that is a sign of bad relationship. Finally. Maybe that guy is good in other things also. No. Just being there, when you go for a funeral or your girlfriend's family members passed on, you don't even need to go there and talk. You just need to be there. Just to show that I'm here for you. I'm here for you. You don't even need to be a PLO. Go and make a huge stage, a lot of jargons there. When you can't, you won't know. You just be there. That's just enough, but when you are absent. But one slight mistake does not mean now the guy is completely bad. But that's a sign of Okay. You only red flag at that time. But I wouldn't say what's him to do here. Even if I have a lady, a girlfriend and she doesn't show up when I'm mourning, it's a wrap. It's a wrap. You don't understand. Grief is different. It's all kind of vulnerabilities flying everywhere. You just want peace. You want comfort. You want people who love you around you. Now, when you step aside and you are at your quena space. Okay. You see some problems. But when you avoid interaction when you are at your quena. No. Before that. Let's take a pause. We're going to take a short break. And then we'll be back with this very interesting topic. So do not touch that time. Please.