 I can't do this. Wow. Admission of mentally disordered persons found in public place. Section 1, 3, 6, 9, 10. I was taken into a unique feeling suicidal. I have had a recent affair off the camps. I don't know what to say over that. I'm sorry. Something else happened and the last two months of my life have been completely not a hell. I don't know what I was with. Board line personality disorder. I remember being sat in a hospital bed and being told the words, you have board line personality disorder. I'd never wanted to leave a room more than that moment, but there wasn't much choice. If you leave a phone with police, those words send shivers down my spine. I remember the first time being told that I wasn't allowed to leave the department. I did it anyway and when while walking back to my house, I got stopped by a police fan. I couldn't believe they'd actually phoned the police to me. It didn't make sense. But to be fair, I didn't know much about the Mental Health Act. I vividly remember the officer looking down at me and saying, Lydia, we're detaining you under Section 1, 3, 6 of the Mental Health Act. I don't know what possessed me but I tried to run. Big mistake. Obviously the officer stopped me and I wasn't very good at fighting my way out. From there I was taken back to A&E and held on the 1, 3, 6. This was the first of many incidents with the police. Boarder Line Personality Disorder is a serious mental illness characterised by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image and behaviour. There are effective BPD treatments and coping skills that can help you to feel better and back in control of your thoughts, feelings and actions. In the past, many mental health professionals had trouble treating borderline personality disorder, so they came to the mistaken conclusion that there was little to be done. But we now know that BPD is treatable. In fact, the long-term prognosis for BPD is better than those for depression and bipolar disorder. However, it requires a specialised approach. The bottom line is, most people with BPD can and do get better. When I'm well, I'm well. I do amazing things and enjoy life. When I'm bad, it's hell. Everything right is wrong. Nothing makes sense and I usually want to die. When in a good mindset, you can make rational decisions and it's determined, knows what to aim for and often doesn't stop until it has achieved that goal. When not in a good mindset, can often make rash, unthought out decisions which have led to Section 136 in the past. So, I was tasked to film this little clip, which, yeah, talking about what it's like to be friends with Lydia. Now, Lydia is my best friend and this is because she is understanding about who I am, about herself and situations like that. And she's just wonderful, she's funny and she isn't a bad person. And I can tell that. I can tell she won't stab me in the back, which I've had a lot of people do. So, it's one of those to have someone like Lydia who I can trust and who I have trusted for a while now. It's awesome and that's why Lydia is an awesome person. Being friends with Lydia is a lot of fun. She's really funny and witty even when she's being like really annoying. She's just amazing. She's also really, really deserved. Like when she has her mind on something she will not stop until it's completed and it's just... I would not trade her for any other person in my life. I remember sitting there wondering whether or not it would hurt. I should probably point out that at this point I was sat against the door of my bedroom with a piece of broken glass about to touch my wrist. This was the first time I intentionally hurt myself. My entire life I've been on and off medication for my anxiety, my low mood and more recently destabilised my mood. What I'm doing after that, I'm probably going on some other medication as well then. It's just got my body used to it all again. Myself. I feel like I've always been self-destructive to a point where it was with broken glass, pills, blades, not eating alcohol and a long list of other things. I've never really understood why and for the longest time I saw it as normal. While I've always been very self-destructive I'd always felt like I was in control in some degree. That was until March 2016 when I made the first of many attempts to end my own life. March 2017 was the first time that I'd been self-destructive and become dangerous. I took a lethal overdose and it had been to work. I refused to leave my house and from there the police came and removed me on section 136. In A&E I was deemed not to have the capacity and I was treated in my best interest. I can't say I'm not glad they did that but there will always be that memory in my head and I wish it wasn't. From A&E I had the Mental Health Act assessment and given two options. Either enter treatment voluntarily or I'd be sectioned. So I entered treatment voluntarily. From there I was put back on to all medication and I pretty much slept the rest of the time I was there. I can't say being in hospital was a good experience but it was needed at the time. It was during this hospital stay that I found out what had been diagnosed with adult mental health services got involved. I can't say that anything came by surprise. Since then I've been in and out of hospital sometimes in a 136, others voluntarily under supervision but it's a work in progress. Having the police involved with me hasn't been the best thing and did lead to me placing a formal complaint after being assaulted by an officer who I'd previously reported for bullying and that moment is still hard to think back to because I've since had to go to the police HQ to give a written and verbal statement since then. However majority of the officers who have been involved have been understanding and at the moment our life may not be great and making it work and that's what counts. Picture yourself on shifting sands the ground beneath your feet constantly changing and throwing you off balance leaving you scared and defensive. That's what it's like to have borderline personality disorder. For people with BPD almost everything is unstable. Their relationships, their moods, their thinking, their behavior and even their identity. It's a frightening and painful way to live but there is hope.