 Mother, is Maxwell House really the only coffee in the world? Well, your father says so, and your father knows best. Yes, it's Father Knows Best, transcribed in Hollywood, starring Robert Young's father. A half-hour visit with your new neighbors, the Andersons, brought to you by Maxwell House. The coffee that's bought and enjoyed by more people than any other brand of coffee at any price. Maxwell House, always good to the last drop. It was Samuel Johnson who said, and with good reason, I'm sure, every man naturally persuades himself that he can keep his resolutions, nor is he convinced of his imbecility, but by length of time and frequency of experiment. Well, in Springfield, in the White Frame house on Maple Street, just such an experiment is about to begin, like this. Good morning, Margaret. Good morning, dear. Breakfast will be ready in just a moment. That's all right, dear. No hurry. Kids aren't done yet, are they? Well, no, but, well, it is a holiday, Jim, and I just thought... Oh, it's all right with me, Margaret. After all, this is the last day of the year, and it's Saturday, and, well, they deserve a little extra rest, don't they? Well, yes, dear. Anyway, it gives me a chance to tell you about something. I've had it on my mind for quite a while, and, well, it's about time I did something about it. Yes, dear. From now on, I'm not going to lose my temper at any time. Now, what do you think of that? Well, I think it's wonderful, but... During 1950, I'm going to be the soul of patients, at home, at the office, everywhere. Patient, old Jim, that's what they're going to call me. Jim. Yes, Margaret? You remember my grandmother, Williams, not one of my real grandmothers. She was the one who took care of my mother when she was living in Middletown, after the lumber company sent my father to Oregon, and my sister Kathleen was born. No. What? I don't remember her. Oh, well, she used to have a wonderful saying for people who wanted to control their tempers. Margaret, I don't need any special formula. I just won't lose my temper, that's all. I know, dear, but Grandmother Williams used to say, if you think your temper's going, just recite the Hottentot, and before you're halfway finished, why it's back as like as not. Well, that's very pretty, but I'd rather do it my way. I just won't lose my temper. Well, Jim, if you were really sincere, you'd at least let me tell you what the Hottentot is. I don't care what the Hottentot is, I don't need the Hottentot. Why do you immediately leap to the conclusion that I need help in controlling my temper? I just won't lose it, that's all. You've already lost it. All right, what's the Hottentot? Well, it's just an old saying we had when I was a girl. If to hoot and to toot, a Hottentot taught, be taught by a Hottentot tutor, ought the tutor get hot if the Hottentot taught, hoot and toot at the Hottentot tutor. That's all there is to it. I'd rather lose my temper. Jim! Well, I'm not going to walk around babbling like a six-year-old idiot in search of a brain. The hoot and toot. The silliest darn thing you've ever heard. Doesn't even make sense. Yes, it does, dear. You see, it says that if a Hottentot tutor teaches a Hottentot taught to hoot and toot, well, the tutor has known but himself to blame if the Hottentot taught hoots and toots at him. Fine, I'll tell him when he comes in. Jim, it's just supposed to divert your attention for a moment, that's all, then you won't lose your temper. Margaret, I'm not going to. May I please have the morning paper? The paper? Oh, well, Betty came down to look at it first thing this morning. It's in the breakfast, no. Thank you. Oh, no. Is there something wrong, dear? Margaret, look what she did to this paper. How in the world do they expect a man to read anything as messed up as this? Why is it that whenever I want to see anything around here? Jim? Somebody always... Somebody always... I will not lose my temper. I shall control my temper if it kills me. Good morning, mother. Oh, good morning, Betty. Morning, father. I said good morning, father. Father. Betty, I wouldn't bother your father this morning. But I didn't do anything. Oh, he found out I drove the car on a flat tire. You what? Betty, please. Margaret. Yes, dear? To hoot and toot what? I'll write it down for you, dear. If to hoot and toot... Hoot and toot. ...a hot and taut taut be taught by a hot and taut tutor, ought the tutor get hot if the hot and taut taut hoot and toot at the hot and taut tutor. Thank you. Good morning, Betty. Good morning, father. And how are you this beautiful morning? Well, I'm fine, thank you. Are you all right? Just fine. Coffee about ready, Margaret? Well, yes, dear. Here you are. Thank you. Well, Betty, are you and Billy Smith planning on a big time tonight? Oh, yes, father. Mr. Smith's going to let Billy have their brand new car, and we're going to a barn dance. In a barn! Well, what'll they think of next? Say, Margaret. Yes, dear? Well, Elizabeth are going to the party at the Hathaway's too, aren't they? Well, I think so. Well, if Hex letting Billy take their new car, they won't have any transportation. We'd better arrange to pick them up. All right, dear. Would you call Elizabeth? Yes, dear. Fine. Daddy. Kathy, that wasn't you, was it? What wasn't me, daddy? Morning, everybody. How's every little old thing? Oh, thank goodness. I thought for a minute we were going to have two elephants in the house. What did you say, dad? Nothing. Only I wish you'd learned to walk down the stairs. You bet. Hey, Mom, I'm starving. Poor little thing. Well, I haven't eaten since last night. Say, Dad, speaking of money. Who said anything about money? Nobody, but I'm going to. I see. One stack of wheat's coming up. Thank you, ma'am. Kathy, may I have a stir, please? Yes, daddy. Thank you. You're welcome. Hmm. Christmas is over, too. What were you saying, bud? Well, the way I figure it, a dollar a week is all right when you're 15, but you see, I'll be 16 in another five or six months, and well, you see, when you're 15, you don't have to worry about girls much, but when you get to be 15 and a half, well, let's say you go to the movies and you meet a girl. I mean, even if she buys her own ticket, you know what they charge for ice cream sodas? Gosh. Even if you only get a root beer or something or... No, huh? No. I didn't mean a lot, Dad. I just thought another 50 cents, quarter maybe? But don't you realize that if I gave you a larger allowance, you would never be sure if a girl liked you for your money or yourself. Well, gosh, who'd care? Buddy, eat your breakfast and behave yourself. I don't have any breakfast to eat. I'll have your pancakes in just a minute. Holy cow. Everybody else gets more than a dollar, and they don't even do half the things I do. But I've had just about all the complaining I'm going to stand. If I hear one more word out of you, so help me. Tim? If to hoot into two to hot and cut... All right. But eat your breakfast. Holy cow. What was that? Never mind what it was. Eat your breakfast and be quiet. Holy cow. But I don't know what they teach you in your school, but for a 15-year-old boy, you have the most bovine vocabulary I've ever heard. What does that mean? It means stop saying holy cow. Gee whiz. But nice hot pancakes. Oh, thanks, Mom. But... Yes, Dan? Did you put ashes on the driveway last night? Yes, Dan. And the front walk? Yes, Dan. Good. As soon as you've had your breakfast, it's going to be slippery driving tonight. Okay, Dan. Some more pancakes, dear? I'm afraid not, Margaret. I've got to get down to the office. Oh, that seems such a shame, Jim. Everybody else in town is taking a full weekend. Margaret, you certainly don't think I like the idea. But when Mr. Gribble says he wants to straighten out his insurance, well, we just straighten out his insurance. That's all. But couldn't it wait until Tuesday? Oh, no, that's next year. Mr. Gribble says it's got to be examined this year. Daddy? No. Gee whiz. You'd think I was a stepchild or something. Well, I ought to be two by one anyway, so it won't be too bad. If I get through earlier, I'll come home for lunch. How's that? Oh, that'll be fine, dear. Oh, Jim, you forgot the paper. Paper? Oh, the thing with the hot and tongue. Okay, let me have it. There you are, dear. Thank you. Be a good girl. I will. So long, kids. Bye, Father. Bye, Daddy. I'll call you by noon. I'll have my lunch downtown. All right, dear. Drink your milk, Kathy. All I ever do is drink milk. What happened to my other rubber? I don't know, dear. Did you look in the closet? Well, never mind. I've got it. Goodbye. Goodbye, dear. Bye. But I wish you'd learn not to annoy your father at breakfast. I didn't do anything. All I said was... Now what? Oh, it sounded like he fell down. How could he fall down? I put ashes on the sidewalk. Oh, Jim, Jim, darling, what happened? My back. My poor broken back. You fell down, huh, Dad? I fell down. Why didn't you put ashes on the steps? You didn't say to put ashes on the steps. You just said to put them on the sidewalk in the driveway. Margaret, where did I put that paper? I don't know, dear. Never mind. I've got it. Gosh, I'm sorry, Dad. Just a moment. If to hoot and to toot a hot and tot tot be taught by a hot and tot tutor, ought the tutor get hot if the hot and tot tot hoot and toot at the hot and tot tutor. Ben? Yes, Dad? Put ashes on the steps. They can say father isn't trying. This time of year, good resolutions, they're mighty important to a man. Of course, good coffee. Truly good coffee, like our Maxwell House. Well, that's important the whole year round. Much it means, that wonderful good to the last drop flavor. No other coffee gives it to you. No coffee but Maxwell House. There's a reason for this, a good one. It's a recipe, the only recipe in the entire coffee world for that famous good to the last drop flavor. After all, what's the most important thing about coffee? Sure, it's flavor. And that flavor depends on the blend, the kind of coffees you choose for it to help them together. Now, in different countries on different plantations, coffee is grown in countless varieties, and you can combine them in many, many ways. But here's the point, there's only one way, one recipe for our famous Maxwell House flavor. And this recipe of ours makes the great big difference between just any coffee and wonderfully good coffee that can add something friendly and cheering to every day of the year ahead. So think about it. If good coffee really means something to you, why don't you start enjoying America's favorite brand? Yes, tomorrow and every day. Enjoy Maxwell House coffee. It's always good to the last drop. In the white frame house on Maple Street, lunchtime has come and gone. As a matter of fact, so is dinner time, and Jim Anderson still hasn't returned. The rest of the family is eaten, but father, oh, just a minute, here he comes now. Mr. Gribble, have all the miserable, ill-mannered, inconsiderate, unreliable creatures that has ever been my misfortune to me. Jim, is that you? I'll be in a minute, Margaret. You, Mr. Gribble, take the first, second, and third prizes. I wouldn't care if you owned a dozen factories. You want to place your insurance with another office, it's perfectly all right with me. You worried and who are you talking to? Mr. Gribble, that puny excuse for a foghorn. Mr. Gribble, is he here? I don't know where he is. I've been waiting for him all day, and he still hasn't shown up. First it was ten o'clock, then one o'clock, then three, then five. Matter of fact, anything wrong? Oh, everything's fine, just dandy. We saved your dinner for you, dear. I had a sandwich downtown. The nerve of the guy, keeping me in the office a whole day, and then doesn't even have the decency... Jim, what is it, Margaret? A hoot and toot. Oh, hoot and toot, my foot. Even a hot and taut is a right to get mad once in a while. Well, I suppose you know best, dear. I wouldn't care if it were just an ordinary business day. I could understand that. But he knew I was going to the office just to meet him. He knew it was a holiday weekend. There wasn't another office open in the entire building. Nobody to talk to, nothing. What? What? What do you want? Oh, I found the tire chains. Good. They're busted. I don't know, this was such a nice year. Why did it have to end like this? What's wrong with the chains, bud? Never a mess. Kathy really fixed them. All right, Kathy, never mind. Margaret. Yes, dear? Do you suppose Kathy could have dictaphone planted around the house? I wouldn't think so, dear. But how could she hear us clear out in the kitchen? Dad, the tire chain's in Thanksgiving. Well, that's when you busted them. Oh, I did not. You certainly did. I certainly didn't. You certainly did. I certainly didn't. All right, kids, please. I can't take any of that tonight. I've got a splitting headache, and I'd like things to be peaceful and quiet just for a little while. Okay, then. I didn't bust them. All right, Kathy. Time for your bath and then get ready for bed. You mean now? I mean now. Drink your milk. Take a bath. Go to bed. Boy, am I in a run. Jim, maybe if you took a little nap. Oh, it isn't that bad, honey. I'll be all right if we can manage just a little less confusion around here. Father, may I talk to you for a minute, please? Sure. Why doesn't everybody talk to me? I'd like the general consul of the United Nations in for the weekend. Betty, your father has a headache. Well, creepers, all I said was could I talk to him for a minute? What's wrong with that? Not a thing, Betty. What is it? Well, Billy Smith said, his father said, he could have the car. But if it's going to be slippery out and the radio said it was going to be the worst New Year's Eve we've had in Springfield in over 20 years and they wouldn't be surprised if we even had more snow before morning. He can't. If a heart and heart toots a toot and toot and toot. Betty, this is not the time to annoy your father with Billy Smith's problems. But Mother, if it's going to snow... I'll get it. Betty, let me put it this way. If a blizzard and six other forms of common disaster were to strike Springfield at this particular moment, I still wouldn't care what Billy Smith's father said to Billy Smith. Just a minute. Dad. Yes? Mr. Smith. Well, naturally. The way I feel, who else could it possibly be? Hello, Hank. Say, Jim, you're going to that shin dig at the half of ways, aren't you? That's right, Hank. Well, I was just wondering, why'd you like to drive over with us? Got a new car, you know. Yes, I know, Hank, but Betty said you were going to let Billy have your car. A few scratches on that old heap of yours that wouldn't make an awful lot of difference. Did you say something, Jim? No, not yet. The hot and tongue toots a toot and tongue. Ask? No, never in all my life have I ever heard anything like that. What is it, dear? He wants me to lend Billy my car so his car won't get scratched up, the nerve of the man. Father, you mean you said no? I most emphatically said no. Margaret, what's gotten into everybody? I don't know, dear. If that isn't the worst example of... I think the whole world is going nuts. And I'm going with them. Never mind, but I'll answer it. Doesn't want his car scratched up. But if they skid mine into a telephone pole, that'd be all right. Oh, uh... Well, come on in, Mr. Gribble. Well, I can only hope you'll forgive me. Oh, sure. That's the sort of thing that can happen to anybody. Let me have your coat. Oh, thank you. I'll just drop it here in the chair. Jim, if you're going to change your coat, you better... Oh, hello, Mr. Gribble. Mrs. Anderson. Well, all dressed up, I see. Margaret, Mr. Gribble and I are going into the den, but we won't be long. All right, dear. Come along, Mr. Gribble. Thank you. There's no hurry. I'm going to help Betty dress. Charming woman, Mrs. Anderson. Absolutely charming. You're a lucky man, Jim. Yes, indeed, a very lucky man. Thank you. Uh, sit down, Mr. Gribble. Well, Jim, shall we get started? Get what? We got a busy night ahead of us, so let's go to work. Now, wait a minute. You mean you came out here to go through your insurance tonight? Well, naturally, this is the 31st. Tomorrow starts a new year. Got to have my affairs in order by midnight. Why? Why? Good lord, man. What do you mean, why? Because. Well, because I've always done it that way. That's why. Now, let's have an end to this foolishness and get to work. But would you rather I place my insurance with another organization? If a hootin' too tight, that's a too tight. What's that? Mr. Gribble, I made a resolution for the new year, so I want you to notice that I am in complete control of my temper. My hand is steady, my eye is clear, and yet very calmly and with absolute composure, I say, Mr. Gribble, you are an idiot. He's gone mad. You know, I think you're right. But this is New Year's Eve. I'm going to a party with my wife. We're going to have a good time. You and your lawyers and your insurance and your big fat factories can go jump into the nearest lake. He has gone mad. I'm not Jim Anderson. I'm a hot and taut taut, and I don't give a hoot. So goodbye, Mr. Gribble. Here's your coat, here's your hat. Goodbye, good luck, and I'll see you around the pool room. Well, business is picking up. Oh, you. Oh, come on in, hack. Well, thanks, don't mind if I do. Oh, hello, Mr. Gribble. Goodbye, Mr. Gribble. What's the matter with him? Too much money. What's your excuse? Jim, I came over to apologize. Oh, you did, huh? You know, I waited a long time for that car, Jim, but, well, heck, I'd rather have an old friend than a new car any day. How about it, Jim? Sure, never even happened. Ah, thanks, pal. Oh, could we pick Elizabeth up on the way to the party? Where's your car? Oh, Billy's got it outside, and so help me if he gets one scratch on it. You don't suppose he will, do you, Jim? Why, of course not. Ah, busy little place you got here, isn't it? Just like living in an alley. Anderson, I want to talk to you. All right, let's go back into the den. Will you excuse us, hack? Oh, sure. Don't worry about me. I'll take butt outside and show him the new car. All right, Mr. Gribble, what's on your mind? Anderson? Yes? Jim? Yes? Do you think I'm an idiot? When you put it that way, yes. You know what? What? You're right. But you're the first man in 20 years who had the courage to tell me. Jim, I'm not really an idiot. I'm just lonesome. You? Uh-huh. Well, where's your family? Well, they go south for the winter. Been doing it for 20 years. And, Jim, I don't mind being alone in that big house, but not on New Year's Eve. You mean you've been pulling a gag like this for 20 years? Well, not exactly like this. I've never been caught before. Why didn't you say so? You could have spent the evening with us. You still can. Oh, you're going to a party. That's nothing. So are you. Well, what do you know? And I won't even have to talk about insurance. God's now what? But! But! But! What's going on out there? It's okay, Dad. Mr. Smith pushed the horn and it got stuck. Oh, fine. Jim, is anything wrong? No, dear. Everything's all right. All right. Everything's wonderful. Happy New Year! This time of year, enthusiasm like Mr. Gribbles is catching. And that's something we're all in favor of. We hope everything's wonderful with you too. Yes, and during the year ahead, we hope it'll be even more so. For our part, during 1950, we're going to see to it that you enjoy wonderfully good coffee, every pound of Maxwell House you open. I know that these days, more than ever before, you're on the lookout for the most in flavor for every penny you spend. And next year, just as every year for more than half a century, that's what you can expect in every pound of our Maxwell House coffee, a generous extra measure of flavor, of freshness and fragrance in every familiar blue tin. And with this promise from Maxwell House, let me extend again our sincerest wishes to you for a very happy and healthy New Year. Ladies and gentlemen, the star of our show, Mr. Robert Young. Thank you very much. Tonight, for the first time since this program went on the air, I'm stepping out of character to make a personal appeal to our radio audience. During the next year, which is only a few days away, we on Father Knows Best are to be actively associated with the Inter-Industry Highway Safety Committee, an organization formed at the personal request of President Truman. The purpose of this committee is to combat the greatest menace our nation has ever known, a menace which each year takes a greater toll of life than even so fearsome a killer as war. I refer, of course, to the careless, or perhaps just thoughtless, drivers who race with breakneck and foolhardy speed along our open highways and through our city streets. We'll tell you more about it next year, but now we'd like to jump the gun just a little bit. There's a long weekend coming up, and it's been predicted that hundreds of men, women, and children will lose their lives during that three-day period. Think of it, the National Safety Council anticipates that horrible and unnecessary loss of life, and in the past they've been unfortunately correct. Now, why don't you do your part this weekend to make them wrong? Have a good time, have a lot of fun, but don't take any chances. Drive carefully, drive thoughtfully, and enjoy the happiest of new years. Easy way. Instant Maxwell House, that's for you. No time, no trouble. No grounds, no cost. And it's good to the very last. You know what? Yes, instant Maxwell House means great coffee instantly in your cup. Here's real instant coffee. All pure Maxwell House coffee in instant form. Enjoy instant Maxwell House. Instantly. Good to the very last. You know what? Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed James. Join us again next week when we'll be back with Father Knows Best starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson with Roy Bargy in the Maxwell House Orchestra and yours truly, Bill Foreman. So until next Thursday night for myself and for the makers of Maxwell House Coffee and Instant Maxwell House, let me wish you again a very happy and healthy new year. Now stay tuned in for Screen Guild Theatre, which follows immediately over most of these stations. James Stort leads the cast on Screen Guild Theatre next on NBC.