 So today we're going to talk about how men test a woman's boundaries, and we're also going to talk about how you should be Testing a man's bound. Well, actually that you should be testing men. This has nothing to do with their boundaries Okay, but really quickly. I think it's really important to know when it comes to why this happens It's basically because there's two types of men out there There are men who are in it for the short run and then there are men who are in it for the long run Let me repeat that there are men are in it for the short run and men who are in it for the long run and what I mean by in it is What's the point of being on a dating app in my opinion? What's the point of putting yourself out there to date if you're not looking for something long-term? Well, the point is is because these days we you know because of Dating app devices and such it's rather easy for men to get to have hookups to have sex You know and this wasn't the same this wasn't really this well men haven't changed too much It's the access to women that's changed a lot and what men constantly do men who are in it for the short run are Actually testing your boundaries to see where you got and we're going to give some examples for that a moment But I think it's important to understand the types of people who are actively in the dating realm today And we're going to talk about men and women alike So I want to talk about and if you've seen this chart before just give me a second to run through this By the way as you can note here. This is not a fact It's just merely an opinion, but I think there's basically three types of people There are users Spenders and growers now the users are like and by the way the users are the love bombers They're the players. They're the gold diggers. They're the entitled people This is true of men and women alike and the spenders are people who are looking for Connection companionship coupling or sex They really don't have a direction their uncertainty or in the state of fearfulness And then there's the boat builders and the growers. Those are the people seeking fully You know what I got to fix this type of fully commit. They're fully. They're fully capable Actually, I'm going to fix this right now. They're fully capable of a commitment and ready to commit and They're ready to face their fears. Okay now I know many of you women who watch me or like I want the grower I want the builder and I said that basically growers represent about 20% of the population and The users represent about 20% of the population and the spenders about 60% Now here's the reason why most everybody if you think about it 20% of users and 60% are the spenders Roughly you have a 1 and 8 or excuse me an 8 out of 10 chance to get someone who's probably not really have direction Or is even capable of being in a relationship. So why does this happen? I think it's important to understand this because the spenders are people who are oftentimes going through a divorce They're going through some job difficulties. Maybe they're having some difficulty with family Maybe they're having difficulties in their health. So their ground underneath them doesn't feel very stable And yet they desire companionship connection and even sex with a person But the foundation to build a relationship for them is very weak Doesn't make them bad people. It just makes them pretty average person I was in that space for a very long time after my divorce and going through a complete job change in my life Actually losing my quarter million dollar your job the ground underneath me wasn't stable and yet I yearn for connection I yearn for companionship. I yearn for physical intimacy with someone So most the time people who are either spenders or and users are just really unconscious people They're more selfish. They're more in it for themselves So like I said, you have an eight and eight and ten chance of ending up with one of those people So coming back to what I said before about why men test boundaries is because you're either dating a man Who's in it for the short run or the long run? Okay? Now when I short run, there's a couple different categories of short run There's the guy who's in it for the one-night stand the user the players those type They're in it for the one-night stander one-night stand could be for just a short period of time Could be those long-distance relationships where they come out Profess all their love they have great sex with you and then they come back and go. I'm not ready for a relationship Those are oftentimes users But they have a reason why they're not ready for a relationship the spender the short-term Spenders oftentimes are in it. They're there. They want a relationship. They're not capable of a relationship So they might spend one or two or three months with you only to find themselves unable to go any deeper So the reason why I thought it was important to have this conversation is she can recognize Those people that are the users or the spenders now just understand that most people are rather have terrible most people have terrible relationship skills and Weak emotional maturity and if you're not familiar with my chart on emotional maturity and relationship skills I just want you to look at this. It's not a fact. It's merely opinion I do say about 20% of the population have clinical issues 60% are dysfunctional and maybe if I'm we're lucky 20% are healthy so can you understand that the reason why 80% are users or spenders is because 80% of the population or more are rather dysfunctional in their Relationship skills. So this is I think it's important to recognize this rather than putting men up as being bad Why should and why men put women up as being bad? It's because there's a real mental health crisis going on in our world today that causes dysfunctionality in the dating realm and part of that dysfunction is how men test women So I'm gonna put on my glasses again. I'm gonna show you my trusty notes We're gonna jump into it right now So one way a man might test your boundaries is he doesn't understand or respect your no He doesn't understand or respect your no I think this is probably one of the most common themes. I see I just had a client reach out to me and I mean, thankfully she's following my work because she's literally rejecting a guy very quickly Her habit would be to give this guy way more of a chance, but he didn't respect her no And what her no was simply oh, and I forgot to mention this on boundaries Because a boundary a no is a boundary a boundary. I like the way Brené Brown talks about boundaries It's what's okay, and what's not okay for me or a boundary is if it's not okay for me I'm expressing what it is. So, you know where that line is, okay? So again, that's a boundary but a man who doesn't understand or respect your no and what happened with this client was she wasn't able to meet him and He Just didn't accept it, you know He was he just wouldn't accept it kind of happen what what I'm about to share is he kept lobbying for more time with her And so when a guy lobbies for time with you when you say you're busy when you say your no That's a person that's testing you, but he's also not respecting you and that's not a healthy thing either, okay? Now one way a man might test you is he asks way too many personal things Before you true really know each other and he might do things like what are you doing tonight? Who are you doing it with? What are you doing tonight? Who are you doing it with? Because there's most likely an Insecurity going on inside of him So he's testing to see if you're going to divulge what's going on in your life But that's probably a bad sign Right off the bat if something like that is happening if he's getting way too personal way too quickly That's not respecting you Well, that's not really an issue of respect But that's certainly not respecting the timing it takes to develop trust with a person If you're not familiar with the way I share trust these days What I mean by trust is trust isn't just about fidelity trust is Does this person care about my feelings as much as I care about my own feelings I'm repeat that this this person care about my feelings as much as I care about my own feelings That demonstrates a level of trust when you reach that point in the dating process So when he's when he's lobbying for more time when he's asking more personal questions He's probably in a controlling state or energy and that's usually a bad sign Which means he's trying to see how much he can lower your boundary and Usually the reason why men do this is the if they're in it for the short run They're not thinking of the long picture. They're not thinking of the long game They're thinking mainly with their dicks most of the time and this kind of leads to the next thing I want to share with you He wants to see what he can get away with through sexual innuendos through sexual innuendos now I'm going to be candid with you. I'm guilty of this too. So I'm no I'm no saint here I am guilty of testing a woman's boundaries in a sexual capacity just to see where she's at I've even said things like have you ever done a threesome before or Sexual preferences early in the dating process. I'm guilty of this So I'm able to speak in this but certainly I'm testing a woman's boundaries now I think when I genuinely Okay, so let's think about this short-term long-term. I Think when I genuinely respect a person I'm probably less sexually oriented if I actually see some long-term potential Again, and I think this is almost subconscious. It's not really a conscious thing I think it can be a conscious thing, but it also can be a subconscious thing and When I'm testing sexual boundaries part of it is I just want to see if we're sexually compatible So that's part of the reason why I think from a genuine place But that's also how quickly will this person have sex with me and ladies if you know my rhetoric, you know what I'd say Before the penis goes inside the vagina you should purchase two copies of the book eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman And at least be reading chapter one of the book chapter one of the book Look at that chapter one Trust and commitment. This is probably the most important Conversation you can ever have with a person is determining whether or not this person genuinely cares about your feelings and has the same Desires with you and I got to tell you women are writing me continually thanking me for recommending this book Even that client who called me today said she told now this guy crossed boundaries and she ended it with them But she talked about the book eight dates very early on because you wanted to see is this guy real Or is he just a in it for the short run? So you definitely want to test men as well and I'm gonna share with you a strategy on that. Okay One thing a man does to test your boundaries. He makes you feel bad if he doesn't get his way. I Mean that then it all then it's all about him It's all about him when a guy is genuinely making you feel bad because he didn't get his way And listen, I'm not proud that I have to share these with you I'm not proud of the fact that the majority of human beings are rather dysfunctional I'm not proud of the fact that the majority of men and women out there dating are either users or spenders I know you'd all love to covet that grower and that emotionally mature person But the reality is is you're many of you are just as fucked up as man Okay, that problem is humans are rather delusional to their dysfunctionality And i'm gonna be candid with you. I have i'm riddled with judgments resentments and bad behavior in my own life So i'm not setting myself apart from anyone else I just happen to know more than the average man and I do a lot of personal development work So I can improve upon myself At least that puts me in a category of trying versus those that are just delusional to it And listen if you got a deepak chopra book on your nightstand that's never been open That doesn't count as personal development either All right, let's go through the next couple ones really quickly He expects you to oh, here's what I like he respects you to revere him And he treats you like an option. He expects you to revere him So a lot of men Recognize that women give their power away to men very early on because as soon as you like a guy Oftentimes you give your power away You you you allow the man to be the leader of the dating process and ladies I'm here to say you're giving the job to the wrong person If you have not read the book why men love bitches by the way all the books I recommend are listed below if you haven't read this book bit stands for babe in total control of herself Yes, okay. Why men love a bitch or bitches It's time to listen men On almost a biological level. We know if you like us you're gonna want commitment before we want commitment So oftentimes guys who know that will make you an option in their life Because they already know you're hooked Okay, now part of it you do it to yourself and I I'm sorry. This is a biological Instinctual thing that goes back for 200,000 years, but it's time to stand in your power It's time to stand in your own sovereignty. This is why I wrote my book What the heck is self love anyway a journey of personal development self health and spiritual work So you don't get stuck in the trap by the way again all the books I like recommend below Oh really quickly If this content is resonating with you hit please hit that like button right now Please share this with your friends and please subscribe if you haven't already subscribed And check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you My area of expertise is to teach you how to test the guys How to vet men to determine who's the right guy for you based on your personality We create a personality profile just for you so you can learn which questions to ask based on your personality And the last thing I'm going to share today In the testing capacity and I'll share with you how to resolve this from a longer term perspective Is men who do what's called negging negging That's basically a negative playful joke about you And it's one thing to do a negative playful joke about you But if it's habitual he's actually trying to test your boundaries on your own confidence If it's constant Now women do this with men men do this with women. Sometimes it's called sarcasm Sometimes it's called dry humor. It happens habitually Um and sometimes if you two people have a healthy sense of humor, it's one thing But here's the bottom line If it feels bad, it's crossed a boundary I'm gonna repeat that if it feels bad it caught crossed a boundary because I also think about Boundaries is what feels right and what doesn't feel right Let me repeat that what feels right and what doesn't feel right And if the things I shared with you don't feel right then you have to ask yourself Do you really want to be in the relationship with this person? Do you really even want to date this person because if you want to be a smarter dator then it's time To look at this from a human behavior perspective and not the I'm gonna lean back in my feminine energy and let myself be claimed by a guy Listen, if you're sitting in your feminine waiting to be claimed Just remember 80 of the men out there are either users or spenders Now the good news is with those use those spenders. Let me come back to those spenders for a second They might be moving into the category of a grower or builder They might be moving into that category The more the ground underneath them feels solid the better chance they have to move into a grower builder So not every spender Is a is should be a deal breaker for you It's just how dysfunctional is his life or her life because women can be spenders too How dysfunctional a person's life gives you an indication of if the ground underneath them feels solid So I shared with you before it's time to test men. Okay ladies it's listen the dating The mating marketplace right now is a fucking shit show Let's just call it for what it is the dating mating or relating marketplace is a shit show part of this is because of these devices that made The abundant the ability to get sex so easily and Because it used to be women where the gatekeepers the sex and and men where the gatekeepers Well, let me repeat. Let me change that Women are the gatekeepers of sex men are the gatekeepers a commitment Now commitment all it has to all a guy has to say is I want a relationship And you ladies I'm sorry. I I don't this might offend you But you'll drop your drawers for a guy who says he wants a relationship Now you can do whatever you want. You can fuck whomever you want. I'm not here to Judge that I'm here to tell you the effectiveness Of having sex with someone you barely know with little or no commitment And just because a guy says he wants a relationship. I just want you to think about this Now I'm speaking for myself I'm looking for a relationship that where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities Hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and our professional lives Intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together getting married That's my description of what a relationship looks like now I could date a woman who says I just want to see you at my beck and call Or reverse that you're you stated what you want and the guy his idea of commitment might mean I just want to see you at my beck and call Just because he said the word relationship doesn't mean it means the same thing for you This is why again coming back to this chapter one in this book You have to talk about the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship And i'm here to also recommend This latest thing i've been sharing with you all which is called the dating vows Which is the dating the dating vows and before you have sex with a man here are the vows Okay i'm gonna read them to you The dating vows goes like this you both say this to each other I jonathan or I uh, Stephanie Agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious in the next three to six months I jonathan and or stephanie agree to be monogamous sexually while we have regular sex together I jonathan and or stephanie agree to not actively seek to meet or date others while we are in the dating process Which includes we'll take down our dating profiles I jonathan or stephanie agree to speak up if there if this isn't working for me versus pulling back ghosting or disappearing And I jonathan and or stephanie agree to invest regular time in the process to getting to know one another Which looks like seeing each other on a regular basis Folks 90 percent of guys will run away But trust me they're usually users or spenders now. Here's the tricky part a user might agree to this This is the tricky part Okay, but a user usually doesn't go past the fourth or fifth or sixth date Guys typically a user is only in it for three day three or four dates and he's gone So if you wait to have sex till after the seventh date period You're going to eliminate a big chunk of the users Now the spenders again If he's at least leaning towards the grower the builder the emotionally healthy side You've got a better chance of having success, but I will tell you you'll eliminate so many guys Now you might say gone jonathan i'll eliminate all men. No, you won't I know so many great guys Who are in relationship right now and I've spoken to them. They would happily agree to a vow Because they actually like the person they were with They actually like the person they're with when a man genuinely likes you He will jump through hoops. So ladies stop giving the milk away for free He doesn't have to buy the cow But these days they don't they're not even leasing the cow Because you're giving the milk away. You're just handing milk away for free Start making them jump through a few hoops. You'll have a greater chance for success Is this thinking is this resonating? Please let me know by saying in the comment section This is resonating or give me a thumbs up All right, I think we covered the examples of how men test women I think it's now time for our q&a section for our live stream. Those who know my format know that If you have a question write the word question or post the question and post the question thereafter Or purchase a super sticker super chat all the monies from or a super. Thanks You're watching the replay all the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor asley who passed away. That's a picture of him right there. That's a picture of him with his cookie shirt It's coming up on his birthday very soon and it's also coming up on the fourth anniversary of his passing Fucking can't believe it's been four years. It feels every day. It feels like yesterday passed away again There's a little dollar sign there if you purchase a super sticker super chat All the monies go to a scholarship fund and it goes to charities like the hopman process and insight seminars Just name a few and if you're listening to the replay again You could always go to my website and donate there as well. All right, let's take questions right now I saw one earlier. So let me scroll up a little bit Bear with me everyone. Okay, laura. I don't know how to pronounce your name question Why does a man say they want a relationship communicating on a regular basis the next day? They go silent. It's been over a week and I've reached out in no reply so You said he wants a relationship So I'm going to assume you're not in a relationship with him If you're not in a relationship with him, but he said he wanted a relationship with you a variety of reasons why he could have met someone else He could have got tired of you. Maybe there weren't clicking with one another Maybe there wasn't alignment with the two of you. Maybe he just got bored. Maybe he's afraid. There's a hundred reasons why My real question for you is are you doing the building blocks to build a successful relationship folks? successful relationship takes about a hundred hours of face to face time just to build the first layer of trust with another human being Think about that a hundred hours of face to face time just to build the first layer of trust So It takes time to get to know someone and feel safe with another person I can tell you I've spent time with women and haven't felt safe and I when you don't feel safe. It's hard. Listen emotional Relationships come with emotional responsibility This is a very tricky thing for human beings who are emotionally dysfunctional And I'm even myself and I work on myself regularly and I have fears And insecurities that cause me to go silent that caused me to pull away Doesn't make me a bad person. Just sometimes feelings aren't factual Let me repeat that feelings aren't factual So sometimes it's hard to process our feelings and how we either feel about a person how we feel about things within ourselves There's no science to this Remember I said we're in it for the short run or the long run The reality is is the need to mate as it was before doesn't exist to the same degree in midlife Because most people of midlife are not making babies together and they're not raising a family together That's why this is so much tougher Than ever before you actually you really need solid love And it takes a while to build real solid love and trust with another human being. This is not easy stuff Because most humans are riddled with childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that create Bad behavior in their life. If you have not read the book The Hoffman process the Hoffman process. I highly recommend checking this out Human beings are really fucked up. Especially those of us here in the united states We're really really fucked up for a variety of different reasons It's a lot easier in smaller countries where there's a tribe of there's a community and a tribe protecting You know are are creating a level of safety within a group We're we're a fucking huge melting pot Of so many different people and most of us don't have a real community. We don't have a tribe We have a very tiny tribe. Sometimes it's just a few friends Sometimes it's a few family members. I want you to think back To hundreds of years ago when when tribes were like all They roamed the planes together and they were protecting each other all the time We and by the way, you had a social circle within that tribe Most of us our social circle is so tiny and your workplace doesn't count because the people you work with are vying for your job So you're in competition with many of those same people And you really can't trust your employer because he can change his mind about you at that most jobs are at will Even the contractual ones can still let you go so it's i'm screaming partially because I'm i'm saying this out loud and with passion Because many of you Date with such a fucking fantasy way around it. It's a delusional fantasy way I don't know if it was the movie the notebook. I don't know if it was Cinderella I don't know if it was pride and prejudice, but so many of you are walking around delusional Men don't operate in that same delusion because we don't Watch movies to the same degree and get our our role models from movies Most men get their role models from the dysfunctional parents. They had All right, I went off on a rant. Did I answer your question? I'm sorry about that. Thank you so much, laura Uh, or I don't know how to pronounce your name properly. Thank you miss white All right Christine says wow. This is amazing. This live is amazing. Thanks for sharing. I feel like I'm getting inside info. You're very welcome Uh, Sophia says hello there jonathan. Thank you so much. Hey, has anyone purchased a super stick or super chat? Don't forget to do that Um Oh, what's uh someone writes? What's a spender just to reiterate a spender is a person who is just spending time with you But with no real direction or no real commitment. Okay All right, uh Heather brings up stable jonathan calls this stable ambiguity. Actually, it's not I didn't call it stable ambiguity Read the book mating and captivity Esther perell talks about stable ambiguity. It's stable ambiguity Simply means that you're in a committed role. You're in a relationship It's stable, but it's ambiguous because you have no fucking clue as to where this relationship is going And that's my interpretation of stable ambiguity All right, let's keep going corny cob writes question How many days a week should a couple be meeting before you consider it overdosing? How do we prevent the feeling of overdosing? So most of my circle of friends who have met Okay, so I have a community of about 100 plus people of which there's probably 30 or 40 couples And maybe more 30 or 40 couples Of half let's say 40 couples half of them been married for more than 10 years And half of them have met in the last 10 years or less And some of them are married some of them live together. Some of them are Dating actually very few are dating. I would say of that group That's the they've known each other 10 years or less relatively That matter of fact, I would say eight or nine of them again within this community I have have met through online dating I would say they saw each other as couples they saw each other on average of Three and or four times a week Now might be the week there might be once during the week it might be the weekends might be You know Monday Wednesday Fridays, you know, Saturday Sunday. It might be Monday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday. It might be Tuesday Friday Saturday Sunday. It might be whatever But usually you need about that much time to really build a relationship with someone This is why the long distance relationships rarely ever work out They can but they rarely work out because you spend most of your time on face time Your face time and it's difficult to do the things that actually build trust with one another Over face time because you don't have enough conflicts to be able to over Listen, we need conflicts and to overcome conflicts to build the deep roots of trust with another human being So that's my perception. Listen two to three times a week is a minimum anything less than that I'm not saying it won't work out weekend relationships But then ultimately how long are you going to do a weekend relationship? Are you going to do it for the next five years? Let's see my one friend she's been in a relationship for three and a half years They're finally moving in together. They were long distance They live 30 miles apart and they basically tick turns but they saw each other on average three to four times a week So that's my suggestion and i'm sticking to it All right, let's keep swimming Monique says question What do you say? What do you say to anyone who experiences a major loss like you did four years ago? What do you want us to know? That's a good question people that go through major loss oftentimes Well, I can only speak for myself I desperately wanted companionship connection and I wanted physical connection with someone Doesn't mean I was capable of being in a relationship with someone I mean capable of true commitment, but I wanted those things so it's difficult to Be in relationship with someone who isn't Look at this is true of most dysfunctional people Myself included We want companionship. We want connection. We want sex But to really fully commit you've got to know that ahead of time And i'm talking as a man because we are the gatekeepers of commitment We're the gatekeepers of commitment. You're not ladies aren't I mean Yes, there are plenty of women. We're the gatekeepers of commitment, but it's You have more of a propensity to want commitment because biologically instinctually For 200 000 years Less the last 50 years you've been predominantly dependent upon men for survival to To hunt for the food and protect the tribe. Okay for literally 200 000 plus years Okay So you've literally been bred to be dependent. You're for the first time in your lives You're actually not dependent upon men. This is why we're in such a clusterfuck because the old paradigm, but but the thing is subconsciously you're still dependent upon men so So coming back to the gatekeepers of commitment A man has to know even if he's going through loss He has to really know in his deep bones. He's ready to take care of someone And if the ground underneath them doesn't feel solid it's hard and I speak from personal experience here ladies Because I might have wanted relationship, but I wasn't able to take care of someone Until you can actually say I want to take care of someone before you ever meet them That's the tricky part Because most guys who aren't growers or builders they might want relationship But they haven't really thought until you you can only become a grower and builder until you say I want to take care of someone do you realize the importance of that? Because here's the fantasy many of you operate from It's the love at first sight or early love, but real love isn't the the good feelings real love is Is Would you sit by this person's side and wipe the vomit from their cheek as they're going through chemotherapy? That's love Most of you all fantasize about the juicy delicious parts of love or worse You're in love with men. You are let me I shouldn't say you're in love You're attached to men who are unhappy relation. You're in unhappy relationships. You're attached to them But you say but Jonathan I love them That's not love That's unhealthy attachment if you're not familiar with the book attached by amir levine and rachel heller Or if you're not familiar the work of getting Harvelle hendrix or helen hunt getting the love you want until you understand amago and love attachment What's the definition insanity doing the same things over and over again expecting different results? Why do I continually talk about these same books over and over and over and over and over and over again? Because look at and I've had women tell me jonathan It'll take me years to read all these books. Do you know what? The fantasy you live in like relationships are so fucking easy That human being if you don't recognize that humans and yourself included myself included are rather dysfunctional And by understanding the mechanics to relationships you have a greater chance for success This is why my clients are Experiencing great relationships because they come beyond the delusion Or the fantasy by the way, there's a link below to get to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working Where the coach is right for you Look at I don't mean to disparage women It's just you tend to be more in the fantasy on relationships more so than men Men are jackasses. I'm gonna say this men are jackasses and partially because I wish men could date women as if they were dating if they were treat a woman the way they would If it was their mother or daughter Like I really wished it could happen for you that way But the primal urge to fuck Makes us men unconscious Seriously, it makes us rather unconscious and that's why we say Men might be the gas, but you're the brakes You have to be the one that sets healthy boundaries Because we're going to try to get away with all we can with you And it's the bitches of the world and i'm just starting to read this book It's the bitches of the world who are actually Standing in their power attracting what they want. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know All right, I hope I answered your question All right happy girl writes I've been dating this guy and we've been out six times or so I really like him and he me no sex yet But he wants to and no wait, it's no sex yet, but he wants to and knows i'm not ready What's the timeline? Look at I can't say with the s look it Until you feel a level of trust Don't listen if you're not familiar with my acronym cares c a r e s c a r e s c stands for you do not have sex till you're comfortable a stands be aware of the consequences if you attach quickly to a guy The r stands learn his real intentions. Is he in it for the short run? There is he in the long run e stands for exclusivity and what I mean is monogamy In other words, if you're going to have regular sex together, it should be monogamous and the x s stands for safety Now what you could do to throw up a boundary is you could read the dating vow with him Read the dating vow. Okay I'll post a copy of the dating vow When the live stream is over And and or get an std test. That's what I mean by s safety get an std test That will delay the process and if he's genuinely seriously wants a relationship with you, he'll do those things Most guys will not users might do an std test because they've got nothing to lose Especially if they're driven hormonally to want to be with you But most guys if they're not interested they won't bother So that's my suggestion to you happy girl. Hope that helps all right Jade writes Question please describe some ways to not feel too worried that he will reject you and feel more comfortable in oneself to say You would like to wait for trust before sexual experience Worry is unnecessary suffering Trying to think what book would I oh hold on everybody the second everyone hold on this second right now You know what? Haven't talked about this book for a while The untethered soul by michael singer This helps you learn how to talk to the voices in your head. By the way links below to all the books I recommend read this book Read no more than one chapter a day No one chapter at any sitting and no more than two chapters morning at night. I mean you have to give it some space 19 chapters. It'll take you eight days I promise you an eight if you read one chapter in the morning one chapter at night go buy this book right now And I promise you in 10 days You're gonna have less worry going on in your life. I promise you that so that's my suggestion Thank you jade for that question. I really appreciate it Ah Hey, we got a super sticker. Thank you so much. I appreciate aries All right, I've got a oh my god. I'm behind here on the questions. Hi everyone question Is therapy as a first date too forward? I saw a commercial said She was a woman was talking about a man she had a date with and when she said Do you do therapy and he said no she didn't accept the second date? I might do that All right, let's keep swimming Jonathan's Jonathan's a partner who is with you through sickness is a keeper I can't I don't know yet. We'll see what happens when I meet that woman. I'd like to think I'd do that way Pamela says Question if someone who is a spender because of what he's going through at the time The ground gets more stable and he starts to move towards grow and builder Will he start building with you now? Here's the tricky part about this one Sometimes when a man's ground underneath them isn't solid And it does become solid, but he's been with you the whole time He oftentimes feels ashamed of where he was and he goes and finds a bright shiny penny elsewhere This is a tricky one. This is why I don't recommend dating people who are going through divorce that are going through job issues that are going through uh health issues Because oftentimes when the ground underneath them is solid they go looking for someone else. I'm not it's It's hard to say it's a 50 50 flip of the coin I can't say with you a guarantee But they do oftentimes do what I shared with you. So it's a it's a crapshoot sometimes dating that spender Thanks for asking Pamela. I appreciate it Uh, let's go swimming. Let's go swimming. Oh All right, if you have a question purchase a super sticker super chat or write the word question and then post the question there after If you have a personal question of me, let me know we'll wrap up. We're going to spend the last few minutes If you have anything to ask of me personally write it there's write the word personal question and then Ask me a personal question. I'll do my best to answer it All right, let's go swim in bump bump bump Well, it looks like we have some chatting going on Evolving love says I love this book. I think she's talking about the untethered soul by michael singer. Yes, I agree great book All right, we're gonna wrap up in a moment if we don't have any questions folks. I need some content here Oh Well, it looks like we have a bashful group coming out right now. Come on. Come on. Come on Heather somebody kelly. Colleen glenn post a question I know that there's a delay. Oh, here we go happy girl All right question Who's the couple in the picture behind you that is my mommy and my daddy When my father was a commander in the navy He was a commander of a destroyer in the turkish navy and my mom was a debutant And that was uh some officers ball that my mother and father were at so that picture is probably 70 70 years old 70 years old Thank you for that question. I appreciate it. Oh, here we go. Uh Elf says i'm not in a relationship until today. I really like my spice and my privacy Okay, there's no question there Uh Let's see personal question corny cob. How did you become such a charismatic speaker? Uh, I don't know. You know what it was I I shot youtube or facebook lives in my private group called midlife love mastery Check out the link below. That's where I practice talking to an audience of friendly people and now I just feel like I'm talking to my friends, so um I'm gonna have I'm I'm I'm officiating a wedding next week and I'm scared shitless I am scared shitless. So we'll see how well I do out in real world But thank you so much for that. I really appreciate it Um, arianne says I stumbled on to this live chat. Happy to have you here miss fairbanks elf's question I've not been in a relationship until today. I really like my spice and my privacy I'm assuming you mean space and it's hard to open up without feeling that it's still not a question elf Uh, it's hard to open up without feeling that a man i'm interested in judges me Folks if you're gonna ask a question you got to ask a question All right, marianne says question. Do you resolve did you resolve the issue with your friend? You said was gas lighting you? Oh, I forgot so Well, I if I didn't imply this in the video The one I did about gas lighting the other day She just called it gas lighting and we talked about it. But the problem was I Honestly just didn't remember saying it So I was sharing with you examples of what gas lighting might not be And how humans can recall their memory differently It's not disingenuous to remember things Sometimes out of order or to say something but mean something else. So, uh, but yeah, we we're yeah, we're still friends Everything was resolved. So it was resolved in that moment. And if I didn't articulate that I apologize First little question. How did your date the other night go? I think you're talking about the date I had About five weeks ago It was uh, was fixed up by a matchmaker. Um, it wasn't the love connection which I posted on the page So no that date was no love connection Bump bump bump Um, let's see Why did your marriage tank and do you still love her? Um My marriage tank because I wasn't We weren't really in love with each other. I don't think we were genuinely in love with each other I don't think we were we I got married when I was 29. She was 27. I was still a baby I didn't know myself very well. I was more driven I was I was I was getting I was getting I got married because that's what I was supposed to do And not because I was ready for it. Do I still love her? I am not in love with her zero I do care about her And I consider that love because we're part of family with one another, but no, I'm not in love with her Thanks for asking that question. Um Let's see we just got a super sticker BS no BS says do you think you're too picky? I don't know sometimes I think that yeah, I sometimes do think I'm too picky But it's my life and I'm sticking to it. So we'll see You know, all right Uh, let's see question jewel A guy agrees to a date today and went MIA. Should I contact him? Agreed to it. When did he agree to the date? You said today and when and how does he go MIA in one day? I don't get that. Sorry uh Question you said most men are not bad and will test just women need to be the gatekeepers As a man would like to hear in effort to wait for sexual activities As a man, would you like to hear her in her effort to wait? Well, as I'm I'm I'm gonna assume what you're saying is do I like it when a woman puts the brakes on sex? No, I'm a fucking guy. I'm gonna be honest, but I have no problem If I really like a woman taking my time with her. I think I think I have no problem Um, I'm gonna try elv's question one more time how to open up to a man. I'm interested in it without feeling like he's judging me Well, first off you're feeling like he's judging you as a projection on your part I would highly recommend reading the book the four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz This I this might help you With understanding that your belief that he's judging you as a projection on your part. So I would read this book Hey folks, listen, I'm gonna wrap up for tonight because I am meeting my high school prom date Um girl. I went to high school with my prom date. She's a dear friend. She uh, she lost her husband a cup During covid and a year later. She met a guy on bumble of all the dating apps And she happens to be literally a block away. So we're gonna meet for a drink before she meets her boyfriend They've been dating for six months now. She wants to give me the four one one So I'm gonna head out to redondo beach where I live and go have a cocktail. It's friday night everyone Go enjoy yourself go out and have some fun Uh and remember you are in charge of your relationship destiny don't ever give it into a man and to remember that listen It's a shit show out there. What matters most is are you empowered in your own life? Again, read the book. Why men love bitches? I want you to become all more empowered So you don't you don't need a man to love you for you to feel good about yourself and the links below Listen, if you like this video share it with friends, please hit the like button Post a comment, uh below if it's you're watching the replay of this Let's get a dialogue going and i'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barak of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank kitty cat and Todd and uh, let's see in corny cob and uh, glenn and uh Kit Kat and uh, christine and elf's account or ifa's account miss barbara jewel jennifer charlie Uh, uh, i've got there's so many names. Thank you all so much wishing you a fab evening. Bye now