 وأقولوا في القرآن ما جاءت به آياته فهو الكاريم المنزال وأقولوا قال الله جل جلاله والمصطف الهدي ولا أتأواله الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة والسلام على عبد الله ورسوله نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين السلام وعليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته نبدأ مع الناس من الله بسأل الله أن نتكلم في قرآن المنزل لأومسنجر محمد صلى الله عليه وسلم وعليه والسلام على عائله ومساعده نحن still talking about the characteristics of the ideal husband and we said that we can take some of these characteristics from the حليث of أم زرع because this is a continuation of what we said we reached what the sixth woman said and we said we're not doing a detailed explanation here but what we're doing is we're looking at what we can learn about how a husband should be from this حليث قالة السادسة the sixth one said my husband when he eats he pulls all the food his way and he goes all around the plate and he goes all the way around the plate meaning there's a plate for the two of them and the husband he eats the whole plate the whole thing and when he drinks he drinks the whole vessel he drinks it dry and when he lies down he wraps himself in his blanket so what does this tell us? it's a negative of course and it tells us first of all that he doesn't share so from the characteristics of the ideal husband he should care about his wife and he should share with her so he doesn't share because he's a person who's got a plate that's supposed to be for him and his wife and what he does is he goes around the whole plate and cleans the whole plate and when he drinks from a vessel that's supposed to be between the two of them he drinks it for himself so he's selfish he's selfish and greedy and he doesn't share so the opposite of that would be sharing selfless or considerate and generous that's what you would want from the ideal husband when he lies down he wraps himself in the blanket meaning he doesn't share it with his wife he doesn't lie next to her he doesn't give any attention to her he just cares about himself he's wrapped up in his own world and so from the characteristics of the ideal husband is that he's not wrapped up in his own world he's not focused on himself he's also thinking about his family and their needs and thinking about what he can do for them and also physically that he's physically he's physically there for his family and he's physically intimate with his wife he's not someone who just gets into bed wraps himself in his own blanket you know, sleeps on the other side of the bed and that's it he only cares about himself and he doesn't stretch out his hand she said he doesn't stretch out his hand to know what's to know my grief now that could be literally or it could be like as an expression if it's literal then maybe she's sick but he never reaches out his hand to feel that she's sick or she's not well or it means that he doesn't ever he doesn't ever reach out to find out what's wrong with her like we would say in English he doesn't reach out to find what's the matter he can see she's not well or not happy or she's upset البث نما اشتغل بثي وحزني إلا الله I complain of my grief and my sorrow to Allah he can see she's got grief she's got sorrow but he never reaches out with his hand to find out what that grief is or what that sorrow is so a husband should be someone who takes care of his wife he should make an effort to be intimate with his wife and he should be someone who when she's sad or upset he knows and this is also something true of a wife as well indeed there are many things here that we could apply to both but you see for example from Aisha رضي الله عنها when the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم entered that time and there were those curtains which had the images on and she saw from his face she saw رضي الله عنها from his face that he was upset and we come to this Insha'Allah when we talk about the wife but if you like to Allah that she saw from his face that he was upset she knew he was upset and that's a beautiful thing for the husband and wife to have that you look at your wife's face you know she's upset about something and then you find out you reach out with your hand either you take a hand or you sit with her or you talk to her but you reach out and you find out what's the matter so that was the problem with the sixth one قالة السابع the seventh one said زوجي غايا أو عايا قباقا كل دائن لهداء شجكي أو فلكي أو جمع كل لكي the seventh one she also criticized her husband she said my husband is غايا he's evil he's wicked or he is عايا he's misguided قباقا he's foolish so she described him as either she said evil or wicked or she said misguided and she described him as being foolish and actually this brings me to an interesting point that a lot of the time you find that situation and God is our general's best why it happens that you have a righteous woman complaining about the wickedness of her husband and this is something that in marriage counseling I've seen a lot that you have a woman who is righteous and the husband is wicked maybe the husband doesn't pray the husband doesn't care about the dean all of the husband cheats and lies and steals and all of this stuff it's really it's really sad to have that situation where you have a husband that is wicked and a woman that is she has to be under his authority and you know she's trying or she's trying to be righteous trying to get near to Allah and he's wicked nobody wants to have that to be the man in that situation is worse than being the woman because عايا was the wife of فرعون and Allah praised عايا for her righteousness and the Prophet as I mentioned the completeness of her إيمان for her righteousness but could you imagine to be in that example to be the one that is like فرعون could you imagine being that kind of man that you're the one that is wicked and evil and you know foolish and what have you and سبحان الله the wife is a good person how is it that Allah سبحانه وتعالى has given you such a blessing but then you don't see that blessing you don't implement that blessing you don't give thanks for that blessing so she either said that he is misguided or she said that he is wicked or evil and she said that he is foolish and a man shouldn't be foolish and by foolish here perhaps you can take from that is foolish in the things that he says foolish in the things that he does one of the things that you want from a husband is to be responsible to be someone that people look up to because if you're going to be the head of the household you want to inspire the people in your household right you want the people to look up to you you want your kids to look up to you and say masha'Allah you know Allah bless my dad I would like to be the way that he is or I would like to have many of the characteristics that he has and even if perfection is is not something that any of us reach but generally speaking and he's someone people look up to and inspire confidence in when he says something to his wife you want her to feel like when she has to listen to what he said you want her to feel like he instills confidence in her he gives her confidence that what he's saying and what he's decided is sensible and proportionate and reasonable and not that he is foolish and silly and that he you know sort of makes crazy decisions then she said everything that can be every kind of sickness is his sickness again here what I found from most of the شراحية what they said is the meaning of sickness here is a fault like every fault is his you know he's got a share of everything wrong meaning anything that anyone could say that's wrong about someone you could give him a share of it you could give him a piece of it and then and this is very important the last one she said whether he hits you on the head or hits you on the body or does both of them to you at the same time or whether he wounds you on the head or wounds you on the body or does both of them at the same time this is a man who doesn't control his anger and he lashes out at his wife and he hits her until her head bleeds and he hits her until her body bleeds or he does both and that is a really evil person that person deserves to be called راية and that is that person who is evil because he wounds his wife on her head and he wounds her on her body so he's hitting her and he's beating her and he's being abusive to her so no husband should be like that we're going to talk about the issue of a husband hitting his wife in detail إن شاء الله تعالى when we talk about نشو's disagreements in marriage and things like that but no one should be following that description that he beats her on her head and he beats her on her body or he does both and nobody should be following that description and that's not what Islam calls for which is actually an interesting way you can you can put that forward to show that that's not what Islam calls for and as we said we'll deal with the issue of whether it's allowed and when it's allowed and what extent it's allowed for a husband to hit his wife or hit his children and we'll talk about that later on إن شاء الله تعالى in a subsequent episode but here we're talking about the fact that this man is a wife-beater and that is not something that a husband should be the Prophet ﷺ never raised his hand he never raised his hand to a woman or a servant or an animal صلى الله عليه وسلم وعلي he was sent رحمة للعالمين as a mercy to all mankind he never raised his hand to his wife he never raised his hand to a servant and he never raised his hand even to beat you know an animal like they used to do and the animal was disobedient you know if the animal was just not listening and this man just excessively beat the animal he didn't beat any صلى الله عليه وسلم وعلي and that's the best example for us to follow we mentioned لقد كان لكم في رسول الله أسوة حسنة you have in the messenger of Allah the best kind of example قالة الثامنة the eighth one said زوج الريحو ريحو زرنب والمسو مسو أرنب the eighth one she said my husband his smell is like a sweet smelling plant like زرنب which is a plant that has a very sweet smell and his touch is like the touch of a rabbit so if we take this as praise here and that's how most of the شرح took this here as praise that if we take this as praise then she's saying that he's got a lovely smell and a lovely touch a soft touch and that's again something fantastic for a husband to aspire towards that he always looks good he always takes care of his appearance he takes care of his you know the way that he smells the way that he looks in the home because he wants his wife to do the same and it's not nice in the habit that some people have that he's willing to be kind of like a slob at home you know like really dirty and unclean and then when he goes out he puts nice new clothes on and he goes in the shower takes care of himself puts his perfume on and goes out of the house wouldn't it be better for him to come home take a shower put his perfume on and put his nice clothes on to be in the house would be more deserving it would be أولا except for the صلاة because of course there's no doubt that the most deserving for you to be well dressed and well presentable is for the صلاة to stand in front of Allah سبحانه وتعالى but after that for him to be presentable in front of his wife and not for him to be really sort of unkempt and really dirty and disheveled in front of his family and yet when he is outside he makes himself clean and presentable that's not something praiseworthy and it's going to lead to marital problems because it's either going to lead to a fitna happening to him that he gets attracted another woman gets attracted to him outside of the house or whatever or his wife doubting him starting to feel like I don't feel you know like he's so dressed up to go out of the house but he comes home and he doesn't care about me doesn't dress up so the fact is that he was he took care of himself he always smelled nice and he was soft to the touch both in a literal sense that he's soft to the touch and also in a in a in the sense that he has a soft touch with his family he's not angry slow he's easygoing and we've spoken about that as well قالة تاسع the ninth one said زوجي رفيع العمات طويل النجات عظيم الرمات قريب البيتي من النهات the ninth one said my husband is رفيع العمات the pillars of his tent are very high so here she's giving the example as if he pitched a tent and the pillars or the poles that hold up the tent are very very tall so it's a huge big tent what does that mean then what's a husband with a huge big tent is someone who's generous to his guests he's generous to his guests very generous very kind known for inviting lots of people and she actually mentioned that as being something praiseworthy and something really good and it's not the case that he's burdening his wife in that way but look at the honour of being associated with a person like that to be said that or your so-and-so's wife you know that he's someone who is really generous and really kind and always bringing guests into the home طويل النجات he has a tall scabbard for his sword so the sword when he puts the sword into the sheath the sheath of the sword is very long his النجات the sheath of the sword is طويل is very long and that might mean that he's a tall person and that's what comes to mind that he's a tall like a tall handsome guy you know but it also might mean that he is brave also like his sword is big and he's brave so he's brave or he's a tall person and he is عظيم or رمت the ashes are huge meaning that he's always got the fire lit for people for guests to come around and for people to be welcome to his home he's always cooking for them always giving them food so the ashes from cooking the ashes that build up after the fire the رمت which builds up after the fire the ashes are عظيم there's many of them it's a large like he has lots of ashes meaning he cooks a lot for people he looks after his guests well he's generous and he's kind قريب البيت من الند that his house is close to the ند the ندي here is like the the central place where the people gather and ندي here is the central place where everybody gathers and this is the نادي so where everybody gathers so if his house is nearby to that what does that mean it means he's an upstanding member of the community his house is not hidden in the sticks in the middle of nowhere where nobody can find him nobody can see him he's right in the centre of his community he's right in the middle of his community so from this we can take positive attributes of the ideal husband generous kind to his guests welcoming brave and that he's involved in his community he's in the middle of his community he's not someone who lives in the middle of nowhere away from everybody distant from everyone doesn't welcome anyone to come to see him keeps himself to himself his house is قريب من الند it's right next to the centre of where everybody gathers so it's easy for people to see him and it's easy for him to see there's a new person in town and welcome them to come to his house قالت العشر the tenth one said زوجي مالك وما مالك مالك خير من ذلك له إبل كثيرات المبارك قليلات المسارح إذا سمعنا صوت المزهر أيقن أنهن حوالك the tenth one said my husband is Malik what shall I tell you about Malik Malik is better than all of that what does she mean Malik is better than all of that either she means Malik is better than all the other husbands that have gone before which is no great feat for a lot of them although there were some positives in there but a lot of those were negatives but Malik is better than all of those who came before or she said that Malik whatever I tell you Malik will be better than what I told you whatever I tell you I can't describe him because he'll just be better than that what's good about him she said first of all she mentioned Malik and here Malik that he is Zawji Malik my husband is he owns a lot of things and the things that he owns he owns a lot of things she mentioned some of the things that he owns she said he has many camels camels that have many faults and that they are ready to be given to the guests to be slaughtered for the guests and the pastures of those camels are small the Masarich which are the pastures of the camel they are calilat they're small and that's a sign of generosity because he doesn't let his camels go far from the house in case a guest comes so he can he's willing to give his food give that camel to slaughter the camel to give it to the guest as food so if he had lots of pastures then the camels are spread out when his guests come it looks like you know he doesn't really have anything to give them or he has to go very far it takes him a long time but he keeps his pastures small so that he can easily bring a camel for his guests and slaughter it and provide it to his guests for food so he's generous and he's good to his guests when the camels hear the sound of the instrument they know that one of them is going to be or they know that they will be slaughtered meaning that he was so the guests used to come so many times and he was so generous that even the camels became used to it when you hear the sound of the instrument you should be sure that this is a time that the camels are going to be taken and slaughtered for the guests to give us food so that's part of his generosity his kindness and the fact that he's always ready to welcome his guests so that's from this also we now come to the 11th one and we've already spoken about the 11th one we had read it previously in the the 11th woman who is we've already spoken about that but we'll go over it again briefly at the end of this lesson looking at again the positive qualities of the husband not necessarily looking at what we said about the family and so on زوجي أبو زر فما أبو زر she said أبو زر what can I tell you about أبو زر even his name أبو زر is like that he's a he's a really good person generous person with lots of good characteristics he made my ears move I mean أناسة he made he made them move what he made them heavy with ornaments with jewelry and he filled my bones and my sinews with with with meat with flesh in other words that he looked after her in terms of gifts and in terms of her food and he made her happy she said he made me happy and I became content with myself so three things we're going to take about the attribute of the husband from this the first one is that he gives his wife gifts that's the ideal husband he gives his wife gift doesn't have to be big gifts although she mentions jewelry here but he gives he's a person who gives gifts to his wife and he looks after her health because that's what she means when she said وملأ من شحمن I'll tell you that he made my my my he made my my bones become become fleshy in other words he made she put on weight she put on she put on weight because he looked after her he took care of her looked after her health made sure she's eating properly and he made her happy and so she became happy with herself became content with herself so he should be someone who makes his wife happy someone who gives his wife gifts who looks after her health and takes care of her and makes sure she's got plenty to eat and so on وجدني في أهل غنيمة بشق وبشق فجعلني في أهل صحيل وعطي ودائس ومنق he found me among a people of few sheep you know just a few like shepherds with just very little very poor either poor or they were on one side of a valley or بشق or بشق they were in a state of poverty and hardship in any case he found her with very little and he gave her horses and camels and grains and land and the grains that were separated the منق they were separated from the separate I don't know if you call it separating the wheat from the chaff but separate the grains so the point is that he looked after her and he took care of her now not everyone has horses and camels and grains and land and pasture and whatever to give to their wife or to allow their wife to live like that but he obviously gave her the best of what he had and that's probably the characteristic I would take from that part that you give your wife the best of what you have available to give her go and control what you have it's in the hands of Allah فعنده أقول فلا أقبح وأرقود فأتصبح وأشرب فأتقنح she said when I speak he doesn't find a fault with me and that's from the beautiful characteristics that a man can have with his wife that he doesn't find a lot of faults in her that he lets her speak and he doesn't take her to account for every every little thing he lets her talk he doesn't she says things and he doesn't say you know he doesn't jump this and that and the other so he lets her he lets her speak and he lets her be free in that and she goes to sleep and she wakes up either it means he lets her sleep as long as she wants or it means that she sleeps well she has a good she has a comfortable sleep because he looks after she's not worried she's not scared about anything she's not you know struggling to sleep at night out of worry she goes to sleep and wakes up happy and she drinks to her heart's content meaning he's generous he shares with her and he gives her plenty she then goes on to mention the mother of Abu-Zarra the son of Abu-Zarra the daughter of Abu-Zarra and we already mentioned these previously and they don't necessarily relate to the characteristic of the husband as much except from the point of view as the husband as a son the husband as a son he's good to his parents the husband as a father he's raised his children well أم أبي-Zarra فما أم أبي-Zarra عكومها رداح وبيتها فصح so he looks after his mom he gave her a nice house to live in her cupboards are full ابنو أبي-Zarra فما ابنو أبي-Zarra مضجعه كما سلي شطبة ويشبعه ذراع الجفرة that his bed is like the either it means like the soft it's soft either كما سلي شطبة it means that it's like the soft like the soft palm which is it's very like his bed is soft and comfortable or like the unsheath sword when we mentioned ويشبعه ذراع الجفرة it could indicate that he's he's happy with little he's strong and he's fit and healthy so even just a small amount that's what he's happy with and it said also جفرة it means that because it's the leg or the the form of the of the lamb that it means that he is getting really good quality food he's eating lamb he's lying on a soft bed or it means that he's strong and he's capable and he suffices himself with little ابنو أبي-Zarra فما ابنو أبي-Zarra طوروا أبيها وطوروا أمها وملوا كسائها وغيضوا جارتها that the daughter of Abu-Zarra what's the daughter of Abu-Zarra she's obedient to her father obedient to her mother she fills out her clothes meaning that he's looked after taking care of her so she's healthy and well proportioned and she is the jealousy of her جارة some of the scholars said it means a core wife some of them kept it general they just said it's just that the other women who look at her are jealous of her when they see how her father treat her so in terms of the husband here we don't want to dwell too much on this part of the hadith but what we can say is that it does show that the husband is looking after his mom and dad looking after his looking after his children and raising them up well likewise the جارية the servant girl we're not going to dwell on that too much جارية أبي-Zarra فما جارية أبي-Zarra لا تبثوا حديثنا تبثيثا ولا تنقيثوا ميرتنا تنقيثا ولا تملأ تعشيشة أنها لا تتعرق our news she doesn't go through our things or or doesn't waste things and she doesn't leave our house full of rubbish and we've already spoken about that in the previous one of the previous videos here she then talks about what happened after that she then tells about what happened with أبي-Zarra and how they came to be divorced and it's amazing that she actually tells all of this positive all of this positive news about أبي-Zarra even though he divorced her and she was a divorcee but it shows how well he treat her he treat her so well and this is really a really good way of talking about the ideal husband that he treats his wife so well that even if he were to leave her she would only remember the good things that he did and that's an amazing quality for a person to have so she talks about what happened she said so أبي-Zarra went out in the time of the spring when the milk was churning that's the time when it was springtime and there was plenty of milk available and he met a woman and he was so impressed with this woman this woman she had two children with her like leopards who were playing under her vest with two pomegranates it said that's a description of her body how she was a description of how she was and he became attracted to her he became attracted to her so أم زارر she said and that was something that he did that was that left her sad but because of the good treatment that he the way that he treat her during the marriage she only remembers the good things she then said she said I married after that a man who was noble he rode a horse so he was a master of in riding horses and he had a spear and he was a great fighter great warrior he was a great warrior he was a great horse rider he was a noble man and he gave me all different kinds of blessings all different kinds of goodness different kinds of gifts من كل را إحة زوجة and he gave me a pair of everything a bit of everything from every animal or everything he just gave me a bit of everything she said he said so he was really generous he said but she said if I was to bring together everything he gave me it wouldn't reach even the smallest of the vessels of like even though he gave her so much but it just he couldn't compare to how Abou Zarra was لي أمي زر عائشة said that the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said to me I am like to you like Abou Zarra it was to أم زر here I want to stop and just finish off this episode by looking at what we can learn from the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and this is more important than what we learn from the rest of the hadith what we learn from the rest of the hadith is still is a story of the 11 women that عائشة told and we can take it like benefits from it but what we learn from the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم is the most important thing and that's why most of the time when this hadith narrated in the books of hadith it's narrated in chapters that show how the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم behaved towards عائشة in this hadith so number one how the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم spent time with his family how the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم listened to عائشة tell that long hadith that long hadith and he listened to her talk about tell what she wanted he didn't interrupt her he didn't say okay that's enough now you know just tell me the first one get to the point of the story he let her tell that long story and he listened to her and he listened to her carefully and he was kind and considerate from this is the scholars take from this is that a man should tell his wife that he loves her he should tell he should you know joke and play and be a bit relaxed at times with her and he should show her how important she is all of that we take from who from which of the 11 from none of the 11 we take it from the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and how he behaved towards عائشة when he said كنت لكي كابي زر لي أمي زر I'm like أبو زر was to أم زر and me to you is like أبو زر to أم زر and that really shows how caring the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم was how he listened to عائشة how much he how much he loved his wives and how he told عائشة that how he was willing to to talk about you know lighter things I want to say necessarily jokes as such but lighter things things that were you know not so serious and also for a person to tell their wife how important she is this is from some of the benefits we can take from this حديث as it relates to the ideal husband and that's definitely all we have time for and Allah is the best الصلاة والسلام عن بين محمد وعلى آله وصحبه عجمي السلام عليكم if you're enjoying these videos and you'd like to keep up to date with all of the courses we're gonna be running make sure you head over to amauathome.com