 Hello! I thought I'd make a video. I've been going to haunt every single day and I get asked a lot by both viewers, people that work at Wonderland, where my content is and how come I'm not uploading a lot. And truthfully, I don't really know the answer myself. I mean, I know the answer, but I don't know how to approach the answer, to be honest. Making content for Amusement Insiders has been extremely difficult for me for several reasons, and I'm going to try and be super transparent in this video, as transparent as I possibly can be. I'm going to try and be super open because I don't know how to fix it. I don't know where to start. I don't know how to just become my own person, which is going to, I guess, be a common theme of this video. And if anyone watching this has any advice, honestly, I'm seeking it. Anyone who hangs out with me and my friends and all that can probably vouch. I'm spiraling really hard. I don't know what to do for the channel. I don't know what to do for myself. I don't know how to be who I need to be, to be a stronger person. And yeah, I mean, I don't know where to start. I guess it's going to be a really long video, and I apologize. And if you make it through the whole video, thank you. I really appreciate that. But I guess you're about to get to know the full real me. I've made a video before, the hardest video I've ever had to make, I think, is what I titled it. And it talked a lot about my past and how I didn't really have any friends in school because of several reasons. One, because I lost my dad at a really important age is what my therapist used to tell me and how it would greatly impact me. And maybe that's what I'm experiencing right now. But I shut down and I became mute. And I let people bully me and step on me. And I sat there and I took it. And it just led to a really horrible experience of one having no friends to just being kind of like the mockery because I sat there and took it, it almost made it more interesting for people to bully me. But that kind of like leads me to this channel. This channel blew up because of one simple fact. I flew my drone at the right time. And I got a track segment for Yukon Striker before it was announced. The channel blew up, people really liked how I did my videos. And I really appreciate that. It means a lot. Honestly, you guys have no idea of the confidence boost you gave me at the right time. I was laid off from a very significant and important career in my life, 10 plus years at that career. And I was suddenly laid off. And the channel started right then and there. And you guys were like the biggest savior ever because I was spiraling even harder back then. I was drinking substances to just make myself go to sleep. And I stopped. I was able to crawl out of that hole. And it was all because of amusement insiders. And then I started meeting people. And it was awesome. And then my videos started, you know, focusing on Yukon Striker's construction before we kind of knew things. And the giga topic became like a big thing. And I remember this was this was a really difficult time for me. And anyone who was in my discord server and a friend of mine can vouch. It was really, really difficult. I was bullied a lot. And it brought back a lot of memories. And you know what, I understand some of the bullying. I understand, you know, making innocent jokes about it. That I totally get. My friends would do it. But there were people who actively bullied me over it and loved it, like tagged me in posts. We're writing giga with water bottles on the cement and the concrete at Wonderland and taking pictures with them all posing in front of it. And I remember there was one day that I broke down and discord like significantly broke down because bullying is bullying. And we all do it. There's not one person that can sit here and say they've never partake in some sort of bullying. But like, it just became a lot. And I remember I broke down and there's there were people that were trivial to my well-being at that point. A person named America and our discord server Eastern Jaden coblast, all these people, they were trivial to keeping me up. And and Craig, too, like and Craig became a huge part of the channel in terms of getting me used to being around people, interacting with people. Because again, I was going through a lot. I'm not used to human connection like truthfully. And just from there, it was a really difficult time. I almost deleted my channel back then. Not a lot of people know that. I think I discussed that in my previous video, but people in my discord channel con vouch that there were a couple of times when the bullying was going on that I almost deleted my channel. And a big part of that is I am really overly sensitive, like significantly oversensitive. This is going to be another topic of discussion. So this is like part one, the past part two is going to be like the current fame and I'm not referring to my fame. I'm referring to like kind of like the group's fame. But just the past was a lot. It kind of broke my trust. I developed a lot of hatred towards the community, not fairly, but not unfairly either in my opinion. It just every time someone came out to meet me, it was almost like in my head, I was questioning like, are they like a friend or foe? Like that was always a thing. And that became like a constant negative thing in my head where I viewed people as friend or foe, which led to a lot of problems in itself. But again, I do view that as fairly and unfairly. That's a common thing I like to discuss with my opinions and my viewpoints on things. That's about as uncomplicated as possible that I could discuss my past. Now, when it comes to like the current situation, and again, I'm not blaming anyone for anything at all. Like this is no one's fault. There's no control over what's going on right now. But obviously, some of you may know like TikTok has become a really big thing. And our friend group has become very known at Canada's Wonderland for several reasons. And a lot of people like us and a lot of people don't like us. And I'm not someone that can handle the latter. I'm not very good at handling not a lot of people liking us. And I mean, it's not my place to reveal things, but I had to be strong for someone really important to me in my life. Really strong. I had to be a warrior face and be a protector for someone that I don't regret ever being that for. This person is so important to me more than they'll ever know or anyone will ever know. But this is someone that I've looked up to for a very long time. But unfortunately, what I didn't realize was because of this, it was taking a significant toll on me. Walking through the park, a lot of people see only the good side of being, I guess, renowned or somewhat famous at a specific place. Again, this was only at Canada's Wonderland. This isn't famous. This is famous at a very small audience location. There were times, you know, our group had to run away or get security involved, hide even. There were times we were literally hiding behind swings of the century. There are times we would get cornered by like 30 people. Times people would scream at us. The amount of times people pulled their phone out and filmed us without permission, they would take pictures, they would try and egg us on to get a reaction out of us with the cameras rolling. And people just assumed that you owe them everything because you post stuff on social media. And that's a really deep thing because I can see both sides. I truthfully see both sides. When you are on social media, you do owe your audience a certain extent. But you also don't owe them everything. And some of these teenagers, I'm going to use the word teenagers a lot, because there's zero problems with adults and the young kids, like never any problems with the young kids or adults. And to be honest, hardly any problems with the girls too. This is really limited to male teenage boys truthfully. Things would get really ugly. There were a couple of situations where I genuinely was like fearful of things to happen or things to come because of actions that were happening. Again, I'm trying not to be open about too much because I don't want anyone feeling targeted or upset with this video. I'm just trying to explain where I've gone. And it was a really hard year, a really hard year. The FAA other word that is meant for gay people or LGBTQ people was called it three times this season. And while most of my friends are straight and they may not understand, you know, to them, they're like, Oh, whatever, being the person in the group that that word targets being the person in the group who couldn't even go to school without being called that word and beat up, pushed, bullied, literally avoiding certain hallways. Because of that word, that was probably the moment I really started to not be able to handle TikTok and it's the consequences that came with it. I started to clue in that it was a me thing that I wasn't able to be a part of that I, I could not handle what came with being on TikTok. And I remember it was a really hard feeling. I remember there was someone in our group that I ended up talking to a lot about this, because it was weighing really heavy on me. And it was a really difficult place to be in when you're kind of viewed as the rock of the group, the person that people would go to for advice or to be kind of like the shield to negativity, and these things because I do snap. I am that person that like when I am cornered, I will come out swinging now. And honestly, like, it would feel good in the moment to defend my friends and people. But afterwards, it was draining. I would go home and I wouldn't build a sleep and just seeing, you know, more people starting to hate on TikTok. It was really weighing on my ability. And I remember this is around the time that content like this year 2022 that content really slipped. And it was so much easier to just as someone going through depression to post a video that took 30 seconds to make on TikTok without any my face or my voice. Then it was to sit down and get myself out of bed and film and record and edit and be super professional for these videos. Even making this video right now, like I was supposed to record it in the morning. It's now like 12pm and I'm recording it now. But like truthfully, I like, I don't know, like TikTok, I like to view it as ruined a lot. It made my place I would love to go to every day almost like on at house. Like truthfully, best way to describe it. My friend group, they can all attest to this anytime we heard like, or like, oh my god, it's him. Like any like sudden movement or sudden sound of like excitement, like it triggered, it was triggered me so much like I would flinch. And it's because like, you know, we would get hit, like pushed. Sometimes people would purposely start recording and, you know, trying to get Egas on to get a reaction to post on TikTok. And a lot of us in our friend group, we all have like really professional jobs, you know, we're in our careers. So like, you have to be so careful of everything that's posted of everything that's out there. It's scary, like it's really scary, like one person in the friend group slips up, you're all dragged down with it. And, you know, some people don't understand that. And I think that's one of the hurtful things is trying to express your opinions on why you're not able to handle something and, you know, a lot of people understanding it, but not everyone understanding it. Again, I'm not going to go too far into details, but it was a really hard year, like a really hard year for me, having to be the rock while being the most emotionally unstable person probably in the friend group. That's difficult, like really difficult. Remember there were days like I was giving friends advice, and I'd go home and I'd be like, you're the last person that should be giving this advice. You can barely get up in the morning and you're trying to tell someone else to get up in the morning. You can barely walk through Canada's wonderland, like without flinching, without like fearing of what's going to get posted, and you're trying to talk someone else into staying online. You're afraid of people, but you're coaching someone into how to take photos with their fans. Like, there was a lot of draining aspects to 2022, like a lot. Truthfully, like, I think that's like the hardest thing I'm going through right now is having feelings so unsafe in my safe place. Even yesterday, we hung out in a smaller group to kind of just like the talks. And there were still moments, you know, like where it just, you know, just wasn't the same. And that's only like a part of it. And I think this next topic, every content creator is going to really resonate with, I think this is just like a common problem. But amusement insiders, I cover Canada's wonderland. And honestly, this is the thing that like, sucks the most is this next one, like, no matter what I upload now, I'm upsetting people. I'm, I'll use Halloween Haunt as an example. The foods department I have no care for. That video I do not regret whatsoever. This, this is this whole thing I'm about to talk about is not about the foods department. They deserved to be called out. I'll use Halloween Haunt as an example. When I first went to Halloween Haunt on opening day, truthfully, it was terrible. The park wasn't ready. The houses were extremely understaffed. None of the music and speakers worked for like the Empire Disco for the shows. And for a park that makes hundreds of million dollars a season. And when I say a season, I'm talking about like winter, fall, spring, summer, like this is a multi hundred million dollar business. I would even call it a billion dollar business. And they don't have their stuff together. Like, it was bad. But I remembered, I can't make that video. And I think the biggest problem that I found myself in is I was watching all these other content creators kind of being like, oh, Haunt, the season is so amazing. It's so great. And everyone, you know, like, and I understand that because I used to be that too, where you just wanted to be super positive and only say the positive and things. But at the end of the day, that's lying to your audience. Haunt was not great. It's opening weekend. It was not. There was nothing great about it. Every other Haunt attraction out there was significantly better. But I'm glad I didn't make my video and I'll discuss that in a second. But what I'm trying to get at is if I had posted that video, I would have burned more bridges. Would have burned more bridges. People would have viewed me as being negative. You know, they were like, oh, you hate the food department. Now you hate Haunt. So I literally, I remember talking to my friend group and I was like, I can't post. I can't talk about Haunt. I'm just not going to post about Haunt. I don't want to upset anyone. So we went the next weekend and a lot of the things that I didn't like were improved upon. So I remember being like, okay, you know what? I'm just never going to make a review about Haunt or any event on its opening weekend, which I think is a very fair thing. And I really appreciate that I didn't post the video. So that's just showing a struggle of a content creator, but it continues. So now I wanted to create a video of my favorite haunted houses ranked or my favorite scare zones ranked at Canada's Wonderland. I really wanted to do that. But I sat there and I was like, I remember in 2019 when I did a similar video, I upset scare actors for giving an honest review of each house at Canada's Wonderland. And this is one of those fair and unfair moments because as a content creator, it's super fair that I make a video like that, especially being amusement insiders. And my job is to do everything on Canada's Wonderland. But the unfair part of it is the people. They have a right to feel upset with the content that I'm creating. If you're a scare actor and you're in a certain scare zone or haunted house and I'm sitting there and I'm like, well, it's not that great or this could be improved and all that, of course, you're going to be upset. If I saw a video ranking the coaster YouTubers of Canada's Wonderland and someone was critiquing me, I would be upset. It would hurt me no matter how strong I pretend to be on social media, no matter how strong I pretend to be like it hurts. It hurts everyone. Everyone's getting hurt every day. And that's the biggest struggle that I'm finding myself in right now. Not being able to create content without upsetting someone, I truthfully don't feel comfortable posting content if I know it's going to hurt someone. Like truthfully. I think I've been hurt so much in the last couple years that I'm like overly analyzing stuff now. And I don't know how to handle it. I don't know how to feel comfortable uploading a video that might upset someone. And any other content creators out there, like any advice would be like greatly appreciated because, you know, some friends are like, well, that's just what comes with being a YouTuber. But I don't like that. I don't like walking up to a ride or a haunted house or, you know, getting a message every time I see those DMs. I remember, oh my goodness, this is like, if any of you remember me at the beginning of the season when Tundra opened and Wonderland had changed its policy out of nowhere about filming in the theater. And in the moment, you know, because I had never experienced that before, I thought it was just miscommunication and I didn't understand why I was being told I can't film. And I threw a tantrum in the moment, like, you know, a very human thing to do. So the fair thing for my end, well, I wouldn't even say this is a fair unfair thing. This was just a tantrum. This was an unfair unfair thing. I threw a tantrum. And then people reached out to me expressing, you know, hurt people in the department explaining why. And I was just like, holy crap. You just pulled a Karen. Like, I literally just hurt someone because I didn't think about the other side of it. I literally put myself first. And I just thought about my needs in that moment. Why can't I film for a YouTube channel for a video that'll get like 600 views and I put on a tantrum on my story. I remember the minute it was explained to me and I saw their side, you know, I tried to correct it, I posted an apology. But this is the thing that comes with being a content creator is there's so much negativity towards things like even just it's almost like a devil in your shoulder sometimes, where you feel entitled to things because of your audience, you don't want to let your audience down. So you're like, I have to record this to the people that aren't coming this season or to the people that won't get to see it. And you forget that there's humans on the other side of that interaction. And it's been a really big learning process for me in 2022. And to be honest, it's been really easy. And I think that's why I'm struggling so much right now is it's like I hit a wall. I remember just even, you know, posting on my story that I didn't like pandemonium, like there's workers that work in that maze that maybe saw my story and you know, that like that hurts someone. I really don't know what to do content wise. I don't know if I just need thicker skin. I know I'm overly sensitive, like significantly oversensitive. You know, I have to get over this like abandonment thing, like I always feel abandoned by friends. Yeah, I don't know. I'm fiddling now. So I guess this is where I end the video because I don't know what else to talk about. I will make content. Just don't know how right now. I don't know where to start. If you watch this long, honestly, I really do appreciate you guys. You have no understanding of how important this channel has been to my mental state. Like obviously it's affecting it in a negative way, but this channel did save my life when I lost my career. And it is something I look forward to and there are people that I know that really like my content and look forward to me posting and I'm letting you guys down right now. But I guess the important message I could give you is if you're struggling mentally, there are a lot of other people struggling mentally with you too. It's a really hard time right now and you'll get through it. There's always battles and you're always going to get through it. You just really got to fight and it's worth it. It's worth it. Thanks so much guys. See you in the next video. Bye.