 Welcome to the 21 convention, Miami, Florida, 2016. We are here again, guys. And this speaker is a five-time 21 convention speaker. He's also been a host of the event. And just an amazing guy, man, traveled all over the globe teaching social dynamics, inner confidence, how to connect with people, and truly how to be a better man. His name is Robbie Kramer. He founded innerconfidence.com. Let's bring him on stage, and let's get ready for it. What's up, stud? Yeah. All right. Get this started. So I'm Robbie Kramer. As you mentioned, thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be here and speaking again. I love the 21 convention. It's my favorite event to speak at. So no matter where it is, London, Austin, Orlando, Tampa, Miami, I'm hoping Anthony moves it to LA one of these times. I don't have to fly all the way out, but I'll be there. So today I'm going to be talking about a quiz. I bet you guys didn't know you were going to be quizzed. And there you go. I'm going to give you a quiz. It's going to illustrate how far off people are on actually understanding dating dynamics. I look around in this room. There are a lot of well-dressed, good-looking, probably successful guys. That's what I love about the 21 convention is it draws the cream of the crop. So I hope you guys do well. I have a feeling the grades won't be as good as you might think they are. But we'll see. I hope you guys proved me wrong. So people talk about dating social dynamics as this magic pill. It's not. It's a breath of knowledge. It's a huge breath of knowledge. It's so huge that it's almost impossible to boil it down into a curriculum. There's moving parts. There's variables. There's different countries, different women, different social ideologies, different marriage and hook-up cultures. It's just this huge breath of knowledge. And just like any field of study, the greater the knowledge, the greater the understanding of the space, the greater the understanding of the space, the greater your results, the greater your results, the greater your confidence. And people talk about confidence. They got to be confident, right? Every woman wants a guy who's confident. This is the formula. Let's talk about great athletes, a great basketball player, a shooter, right? He's put up the reps in the gym on the court. He's watched highlight reels, gone over game tapes, tons of coaching. And what does that allow him to do? He knows how to deal with situations. When he gets a pass in the paint, and he's got two seven-footers above him, does he panic and throw the ball at the bounds? Does he dunk it? Does he shovel pass it out? He has experience in those high-intensity, high-pressure situations. And that's why he succeeds. So, I'm going to show you how easily people are going to fuck up really seemingly easy questions. These questions may seem easy, but we'll see. Now, understanding these concepts optimizes you to being victorious more frequently. If you understand all of these concepts, you're going to do better. You're going to be victorious, and that's going to equal sex, companionship, fun, friends, improve social circle, business opportunities, money, intimacy, love. Understanding the stuff is just going to make you more victorious. It's going to give you a better, happier life. Now, the icy pitch, what my company is about, the goal is learning to become the kind of dude that chicks want. Not to learn a bunch of stuff to get girls. The days of the pickup artists and all that stuff is luckily behind us. Most of the stuff you see online is from high-quality dating coaches, confidence coaches, guys who really understand the space. I'm really glad that the industry is moving in that direction. You're going to do that through optimizing every area of your life. You're not just going to get good with chicks by learning some lines and some techniques and some bullshit. You have to become an all-around awesome dude. You have to get in shape. You have to know how to dress. You have to know how to make guy friends. You have to know how to meet people, be social. There's so many aspects to it. Keep your house clean. Keep your car clean. I lead a group of moderators from all walks of life. They bring their own specific expertise. It's not just dating coaches. There's only myself and one other guy who's an actual dating coach. They all come from an athletic background. I come from an athletic background. I played golf in college at a high level. Thought about going pro. Didn't quite get there. Now I love what I do even more. I'm glad that didn't really pan out. But if you take an athletic kind of approach to anything it's a very structured rigorous. You put in the reps. You get the coaching. You learn what works, what doesn't. You look at videotape. You get feedback. And you're going to improve. There's just no question about it. And once you understand the process then you know how to answer the questions. So who's ready to take a quiz? Woo! Alright. So Tyler is going to pass them out. Everyone got one? Alright. We'll go through these together. That way the people watching at home can take the quiz as well. Question one. It's on height. A smoking hot girl of which height is more likely to filter for a guy who's 6'3 or taller? Is it A, 5'2, B, 5'8, C, 5'11, D, 6'1. I'll give you guys about 30 seconds per little little quick thing I learned in high school. Usually your first inkling is often the right answer. And then you talk yourself out of the right answer and change it. Question two. It's about age. At what age do men have the most access to the most desired women? A, 18 to 24. B, 25 to 32. C, 33 to 40. D, 41 to 49. E, 50 plus. Question three. Where to live? What is the single most important determining factor that makes a city desirable for men who are single and looking? A, lots of strip clubs. B, in the state of Florida. C, good weather. D, lots of nightlife. E, high female to male ratio. Question four. Conversation skills. While waiting for an Uber in front of a Whole Foods, you approach an attractive girl in yoga pants and have a 10 minute conversation with her. She gives you her phone number before you leave. What is the most likely factor that determines whether she goes on a date with you? A, the words you said. B, how you said the words including vocal tonality and body language. C, how she felt during the conversation. D, the size of your bulging package in comparison to the yoga pants camel tote. It is a grocery bulging grocery package. Tough crowd. I thought I'd get more laughs for the camel tote joke. Question five. Texting. When is it appropriate to call a girl instead of texting her after first getting her number? A, when she asks you to. B, when you matched on Tinder but haven't met in person yet. C, if she's a jilf which stands for grandma I'd like to fuck. D, never. It's 2016. If she can't handle texting then she's probably too high maintenance. Question six. On day game, meeting women during the day. What's the number one reason why you couldn't get a woman to talk to you on the street? A, you're too ugly. B, she's shy. C, you smell bad. D, you couldn't get her to stop. E, your opening line was bad. Question seven. Dealing with flakes. You met a girl day gaming and set up a date to grab drinks. She flakes the day of the date by saying, hey I'm sorry I can't make it tonight. I just got a last minute call from my boss and I have to finish a project and send it over. Maybe some other time. Sorry. How should you respond? A, no problem. This is even better. Are you free tomorrow? I have two tickets to the heat game. Floor seats. If you want to bring a friend too to feel more comfortable I can get an extra seat. B, all good. And don't text her again until she texts you. C, all good. When are you free next? D, don't respond until she texts you again. E, bring her flowers to her work the next day. I'm trying to keep a straight face to some of these to not give away the answer. Question 8. Wingman. Which of these describes a wingman that would be ideal for you but the worst choice for him for your wingman? A, he has the same hair color same eye color same build, same height but is slightly better looking than you. B, he has the same hair color same eye color same build, same height but is slightly worse looking than you. C, he has the opposite hair color opposite eye color opposite build, shorter and is better looking than you. D, he has the opposite hair color opposite eye color opposite build, taller and is better looking than you. Not going too fast for anyone am I? Okay. Question 9. Fashion. Out of all the following options who is the most qualified to give you fashion advice? A, a male friend who dresses well knows you well and understands your dating goals. B, a female friend who dresses well knows you well and understands your dating goals. C, a female professional stylist. D, a retail sales person at a high-end store such as Nordstrom or Neiman Marcus. Question 10. Casual relationships. You've been casually dating Anya for three months when she invites you to her cousin's wedding. It's a whole weekend affair and you'd like to keep the relationship casual. You should A, go and after the ceremony remind her that you don't want anything serious and you're really focused on work right now. B, don't go, it's a trap. Decline because you're busy. C, decline and say Anya, count me out. D, go and when her family members ask you how long you've been dating say three months but we're in an open relationship so we're still keeping it pretty cash. Last question bonus relationships. You had a weekend fling with a girl in Miami and flew back home to LA. You've been texting the past couple weeks and she keeps saying she can't wait to see you again. You'd like to make her your girlfriend. Which option is most likely to lead to that outcome? A, offer to buy her a plane ticket so she can come stay with you. B, go to Miami but book your own place. C, go and stay with her. D, wait until it's more convenient to see her again. Anyone need more time? One more minute? Okay. I hope you guys weren't looking at the person's paper next to you. When I was in college we took a class that was called Mary Poppins meets Blade Runner which was a film class which is basically the easiest class of all time and no one ever went to class no one even watched the movies. We just switch off we'd have one guy watch the movie on the golf team and then the rest of us would just sit in a line and just cheat off this guy and just go cheating, cheating, cheating, cheating all the same answers but the weird thing was half the time we'd get different scores so I guess golfers aren't that smart, I don't know Alright, everyone done? Greating, so exchange with the person next to you so you guys switch, you guys everyone have someone else's paper? Anyone not? Switch, everyone good? Cool. Alright, for those of you watching if you want to take this quiz which will be expanded I'm actually working on a hundred question version of this to just kind of encapsulate all of the different factors what I did, we were up to a hundred questions, we boiled it down to eighty and then I took and that kind of represented all the different categories that I felt were important and we used them here but this is going to be a huge test like I said, maybe a hundred, two hundred questions and if you can ace this test there is no way on earth you're not going to do incredibly well in your dates, relationships experiences with women so you can eventually take that interconfidence.com and for those of you here Tyler is going to pass out an email sign up form if you want to run that out and if you write your email down we're going to send you the access to the quiz when we get it and we'll keep you updated on some other cool stuff that I'm not going to release to anyone else except you guys so that'll be going around so let's go through the answers let's see so everyone's got someone else's paper actually let's just grade them first and that way you can hand them back alright so, number one so just go through mark it right or wrong for your friend number one the answer is B number two the answer is C number three the answer is E number four the answer is C number five is D number six the answer is D number seven the answer is B number eight the answer is B number nine the answer is A number ten the answer is B and the bonus the answer is A so while you still have everyone done grading you can pass back your test to alright so let's see how everyone did raise your hand if you missed none thank god because that would have been shitty for me raise your hand if you missed one raise your hand if you missed two raise your hand if you missed three one three well there's only eleven come on how hard is it to count alright math wasn't the best subject over there raise your hand if you missed four four alright we're grading on a curve so don't worry raise your hand if you missed five okay raise your hand if you missed six and I really appreciate you guys being honest and you know raise your hand if you missed seven raise your hand if you missed eight raise your hand if you missed nine raise your hand if you missed ten raise your hand if you missed all of them and you're the dunce and awesome thank you for being honest about that too no shame in that these questions are fucking hard and there's a there's a reason why they're hard and I'm going to show you guys you know why they stump people and why a lot of the things that we think about dating the things that we think about women social dynamics are usually wrong not because of us not knowing it's usually because of the media we listen to stuff women say that a lot of the time it's very subjective versus objective the tough thing about getting advice about attraction from females is they don't necessarily understand their drivers why they do things for example if I walk up to a girl on the street and I introduce myself and I say hey I'm Robbie I know it's weird not to be that guy that hits on you on the street but I gotta be that guy don't worry I'm only like one third creepy pretty standard line that I use I have my clients use it you go up you kind of break that protocol because you're approaching a girl on the street which is a no-no in our society but you're calling out the fact that you're doing it in a fun and flirty way and you're calling yourself that you're just a little bit creepy which makes you actually not creepy but every time I tell a girl this line I'm like would this work on you she's like ew no that's terrible that would never work on me and then you see it work every time on video you guys go to my site and you watch videos of guys using that line over and over it's just so it just totally you know creates a lot of it gets rid of all the awkward tension and makes it fun because any guy approaching a girl in a supermarket or on the sidewalk he's kind of considered creepy but if he knows he's creepy he's no longer creepy so that's the rationale behind a lot of these things alright so now let's go over it height so raise your hand if you answered A when I say raise your hand raise your hand if you answered B raise your hand if you answered C or D alright so I had a buddy 6'1 basketball player only wanted to date tall chicks but he had short man syndrome because in basketball being 6'1 is not tall that's really small right and what do women want do they really care how tall you are actually no they just want to feel small in your arms they want to feel protected they want to feel feminine they want to feel small and here's the funny thing if you look at the upper echelon of what people consider the world's most beautiful women they're 5'10 and up models right Victoria's secret models they can't be models unless they're super tall right so these are the upper echelon women but what happens with a girl who's 5'8 right what does she want she wants to be able to wear heels and be with a guy taller than her that's what matters to her so she's going to want to date a guy who's 6'3 and she's going to filter for that because she's like well I want to go out and I want to be able to wear heels so he needs to be taller than me but what happens to women that are you know 5'11 5'10 and up any time they wear heels they're taller than everyone so what happens with that they're just used to every dude being shorter so it doesn't matter if it's me being 5'10 or Steve being what 5'9 5'8 or another dude being 6'1 we're all short but they don't care they're looking for charisma they're looking for intelligence they're looking for a guy who has his shit together not actually they can't see that but they're looking for a guy they have different drivers they have different keywords 5'8 girl she just wants a tall guy she can wear heels in but a model who's constantly surrounded by the world's most attractive men who is getting hit on by celebrities by huge business owners they don't give a fuck how tall you are so when you're walking down the street and you see that girl who's 6'1 and you have 11 don't think to yourself oh she's too tall she's out of my league it doesn't matter you have more of a chance with her than you do with a 5'8, 5'7 girl see how that works guys and for the longest time I wouldn't hit on those girls they'd be like oh they're too tall and I'd even say dumb shit like every other guy you know I'd walk up to them and I'd be like yeah I'm probably too short for you I'd hit tall guys and the funny thing is all of the girls that I know and I know a lot of promoters and they have a bunch of models that they take out to nightclubs none of these girls give a fuck but if you say that to them if you talk about their height and make that a big deal you're just every other guy and you don't want to be every other guy so instead connect with them they don't care so don't worry about the height Monique she's an example, she was on America's next top model she's the one there's actually a gif of her going like she just looks like a total bimbo but she's actually really cool really smart she doesn't give a fuck she's dated guys who are 5'4 she's 6'1 in heels she's 6'5 she's a monster it's not the first time you see that girl in the street or in the nightclub if she's tall don't bring up height don't talk about it don't pay any attention to it and just realize it really doesn't matter you get better off with the the tall girls than you are with the girl around 5'7 5'8 because she's really the only one who cares a 5'2 girl she doesn't give a shit either anyone's taller than her let's talk about age before I so at what age do men have the most access to the most desired women who put a 18 to 24 who put b 25 to 32 the stumper there who put c 33 to 40 and who put d 41 to 49 did anyone put 50 plus that's fine you never know alright cool so obviously the answer d 33 to 40 I don't know where I found this graph but this graph is fucking hilarious and I love it so it female access to dick versus male access to poon by age for anyone that doesn't know poon that's slang for pussy I'm not the biggest fan about how kind of surface level this graph is but it illustrates a good point so on the x-axis you have age it goes from 15 to 49 on the y-axis you have access 10 being highest access 0 being there so for women what you see they call it the slut zone because they have the most access to dick during this this age starting at 15 she's already pretty high she's developed she's looking like a woman already guys are you know attracted to her when she gets to 20 from the age of 20 to 24 that is the peak of her beauty right her skin is perfect she's young whatever this is just measuring surface level beauty but that's what we see first off that is the peak of her attractiveness so if you want to date a girl 20 to 24 and she's a smoke show odds are she's being flown all around the world by old rich dudes with money she's got options to date guys from all walks of life she has ultimate access but as a guy and this is a tough thing right when I first started getting into this stuff I was 22 I was just graduating college and where are you at 22 as a dude you're way down here you're like 4.2 4.3 so the girl's your age you're wondering like why am I having such such a hard time with these really hot girls and that's because you know as a guy who's 22 what do you have going you're just out of college you don't really know what you're doing with your life you're not settled probably figuring out like where you want to live you're probably guzzling beer doing keg stands that's the sort of nonsense I was doing there's a lot of guys who look young in here that are way more advanced which is awesome but you're just on a different track our access to to women is not necessarily measured by how we look looks can play a little bit of a factor but it's more measured by our overall attractiveness as a man what we have going for us so it's not until you hit this age of 33 and I'm 34 and I do so much better now than I did even two years ago at 32 right because when you get to 34 you usually have a career figured out you have some money in the bank you've studied you have a breath of knowledge you're more confident in yourself hopefully you're in good shape a guy at 33 you're gonna look great you're not gonna look any worse than you looked at 26 or 27 you're gonna look fucking awesome what's lucky for us is we age a little bit better than women as we get older we still look good look at George Clooney, Brad Pitt those guys are in their early 50s and they look amazing look at the sexiest man of the year every year when's the last time that guy was under even like 35 I don't know but I would guess it hasn't happened very often so we get better with age what a lot of what happens here is this marriage zone so right when you hit 26 we females acts as they realize that their looks are declining their biological clock is kicking in they want to have a family and kids look to get married and as a guy you're finally starting to get some money in the bank you're starting to feel a little bit more accomplished like you kind of have the earth under your feet and you get married and that can be great but what do we see happen with a lot of marriages guys get a little older they get money in the bank and they're like god damn I got all these options, all the secretaries that work are hitting on you at least the cheating, infidelity marriages falling apart and I think this graph has a lot to do with that so just keep in mind if you want to have fun I'm not saying go out there and be a player but you've got from 33 until 44 where you're at the peak you attract basically whoever you want so there's no rush if you're 25 and you're not crushing it yet there's a reason for that and it just mostly has to do with your age has to do with the fact that you have so much more room to grow as a man so that's good news for everyone in here right alright yes oh does he have a mic so the word access I think more like proximity co-ed university or high school a guy would have access proximity but you're thinking more like access than sexual market value or attractiveness on the dating marketplace so maybe a clarification on that wording of that question by access I mean in the dating marketplace what is his value what's his access and there are some subtle tweaks to this let's say you're in college and you're in a fraternity fraternities are structured to hook up with sororities that's really the whole reason it's socially is to have that social access so in high school and college some of this doesn't exist you have 18 year olds dating 18 year olds 22 year olds dating 22 year olds so that's what I was thinking about exactly yeah so there's different like college when you're in school and when you're in a much smaller dating market it this doesn't completely apply but if you take a girl who's 22 and she's in school and she's graduating and she has offers from frat guys to go out but she also has offers from guys who are foreigners that have flyer to Paris she has that right she might not know she has that because she's in a bubble at her university and she's just studying going to class going out going to frat parties doing that thing but very quickly if she's very gorgeous and very high in demand she's going to realize that this exists and with online dating sites and all the stuff going on with our culture it's very hard for them to not but good question any other questions on this? cool where to live what is the single most determining factor that makes the city desirable for men who are single and looking who wrote a. lots of strip clubs very good b. in the state of florida no gung ho florida fans good weather and high female to male ratio answers e lots of nightlife is the second choice dummy answer take a place like san diego that i like to call man diego tons of military there you got the marines, you got navy you got all sorts of military it's one of the worst well that's kind of LA san diego in one but it's one of the worst marketplaces for men so this graph illustrates cities where there's way more females so like new york city best place in america if you want to live and have easy pickings girls will approach you in new york city the first time i ever went there i watched a girl walk up to a group of three guys and be like hey my friends are over here at the bar is it cool if you come talk to us we'll buy you drinks my mind was blown i grew up in orange county i went to school in san diego then i moved to la that never happened i literally walked up to her because i'm used to approaching girls and you know the opposite i was like did you just offer those guys drinks to talk to you and she's like yeah so i'm like i'm not making fun of you i'm just completely like shocked that would never happen because of this single determining factor which is the ratio the ratio is everything so every year i take clients to eastern europe and we cruise around budapest belgrade serbia we go to kiev and odessa ukraine and why do we go there because the ratio is insane it's like 120 women to 100 guys in the big cities and yeah the girls are beautiful and hot but you can find beautiful women anywhere and the ratio makes such a big difference so you know if you guys are living in some of these you know menver for example rough place to live man diego san francisco don't even get me started it's brutal it's fucking brutal but if you move to some of these other places like i think the raleigh Durham schools like right in north carolina char charleston it's just all girls you go to those universities and it's just insane you go to a party and it's like three to one girls to guys you're gonna do well it doesn't matter what else is going on because you're a hot commodity you're a scarce resource so let's talk about europe this graph shows the man drought in europe so this line here the 50% line means there's more men than women in that city so if you look at oslo that's slightly more men than women amsterdam is very close but then if you go down Warsaw Poland great ratio for guys Vilnius Vilnius I've never been there forget where that is somewhere in eastern europe i think and then Riga Latvia it's 45 point something percent men and 55% women that doesn't seem like a lot but that's insane that's a huge difference in eastern europe they have what they call face control there's so many women lined up to go to nightclubs that they're turning them away and if they're not gorgeous they say we have face control you have ugly face you do not come in because you do not spend money if you're a dude you're actually supporting the bar or the club you're spending money they'll let you walk right in you don't have to buy a bottle you don't have to show up with girls like you have to do in LA you walk up to a nightclub in LA you don't have girls and you're not buying a bottle you're not getting in forget it unless you know the promoter or the door guy but you go to eastern europe please come bring all of your bros we have 20,000 girls inside and no one to buy them drinks so really think about where you live if you lived somewhere that sucks it's going to be really difficult not because of even anything you can do it's just brutal because the ratio sucks very important conversation skills while waiting for an uber who picked A the words you said who picked B how you said the words including vocabulary and body language who picked C how she felt during the conversation alright good and D the size of your bulging package in comparison to her yoga pants camel toe nice the answer is clearly D so this is a I talked to a guy on the phone yesterday his name is Dan Chang and I stole this from him and it's fucking awesome he broke down and his site is thefriendformula.com I want to give him credit because I love this he basically broke down a conversation and conversation skills is one of the hardest things to teach because it's just so abstract you're in a conversation, you're trying to be present you're focusing on the girl but where are you during that stage like how do you know what you're doing how do you know what's going on so what happens in any normal conversation it's between a man, a woman random people people you haven't seen for a long time you start with cliches how's the weather you've been here often how's it going what's good bro normal cliches when you open any conversation what do you do when you pick up the phone hey man how are you what's up and if they respond oh I'm not good things are really really bad actually thanks for asking you're just like oh we're not there yet I was just saying hi you're jumping the gun so what needs to happen after cliches is then you exchange some facts so you're talking to girl at the bar hey how's it going you can come here often all the lame cliché lines cool where are you from what do you do oh yeah I live over here I'm from San Diego I'm from LA and then you start sharing opinions oh yeah so you're from San Diego what do you think of LA oh I like LA it's cool it's bigger it's more spread out different club scene and I'm like yeah you know actually LA is cool but San Diego sucks it's Man Diego and I go into that whole spiel right and then eventually we start sharing feelings the drivers behind how we feel about things I really miss growing up on the east coast you can talk about childhood things but if we skip this stage there are some cliches to feelings like if you walk up to a girl and be like hey how's it going nice to meet you she goes good and you say tell me about your childhood gonna get some weird looks right or if you kind of just jump in the other way if you go real direct real quick cause a lot of the things that were taught is we need to connect we need to share our emotions and that's true but you have to follow the stage even with people you haven't seen in a long time you know you can quickly kind of dive in and someone who's like your best friend right I could just call him up and I could be like dude I just got through a terrible going through a horrible break up I'm crying all the time help me out right you have that closeness but if you don't follow this in conversation you can always kind of know where you're at if you're talking to a girl and you're just talking about facts and where she's from and what she does and her major and all that shit if you don't go into some sort of opinion some sort of stance on that the conversation is going to lose energy it's going to die and we connect through our feelings so if you know she has to feel something from you if she walks away from that conversation knowing a bunch of facts but she doesn't feel anything you're probably not going to see her again even if you get her number she's probably going to flake cause she needs to feel we don't remember what typically happens in conversations like what I'll do sometimes is I'll write down facts about her in my phone as notes right after the interaction just so I can use that as callback humor and stuff when I text her and that'll give me some points like I was actually listening but so often I'll have a conversation with a girl I'll remember almost nothing but I'll remember feeling this amazing bubble cause it was just me and her everything else in the space kind of disappeared we had that connection I felt good she felt good the truth is none of the conversation actually matters what matters is the feelings any questions on that? good? alright so check out Dan's stuff he's got some really good stuff on conversation skills and moving through those stages let's talk about texting number 5 when is it appropriate to call a girl instead of texting after first getting her number who said A when she asked you to who said B when you matched on Tinder who said C if she's a grandma I'd like to fuck nice it's actually the closest answer if D never is 2016 who said D yeah you could almost make a little bit of a claim for if she's a jilf because she's probably not too up on the electronic communication right? what's that? your jiggum exactly the jiggum it doesn't get text even my grandma knows how to text these days so there's a I'm not saying she's a jilf that'd be weird but but even then they've caught up and it's never it's 2016 if you can't handle texting she's probably too high of maintenance a quick little thing on calling versus texting one way you can look at it this doesn't apply to every situation but typically those who call you if someone calls you and then you respond via text it's usually because of what they want something from you and you don't know if you're going to give it to them or not let's say it's a guy you met at a networking event and he really wants to do business with you the mistake he's going to make is he's going to call you and by calling you he really wants the business he really wants to get in touch with you it's a much more intrusive means of communication because you've got to pick up the phone a lot of the time you don't know who it is I hate answering calls I hate it the only person I ever want to call me is probably my girlfriend at the time and even then I'd rather text just because I can be multitasking and doing other things don't do that don't drive during texting calling is annoying when people say can you call me I get instantly annoyed at least text me what it's about so I'm not going into a phone call completely blind because I don't know if this is going to be an hour long conversation I don't know what the hell he wants from me or she wants from me text me easy this is just kind of a funny thing a phone call from a female focus group first right no girl wants to be called from a guy that she just met it's intrusive she doesn't know she's going to be stuck on the phone if you want to talk to me you're going to have to call me I'd say that's in the situation where she's pissed at her boyfriend and he's texting and she's like you got to call me dumbfounded every guy in that focus group let's talk about day game number six what's the number one reason why you couldn't get a woman to talk to you on the street who said hey you're too ugly who said B she's shy who said C you smell bad who said D you couldn't get her to stop who said E your opening line was bad yeah so this is one of the toughest things for guys when they first start trying to approach girls on the street which is my favorite way besides meeting girls through your social circle of meeting women because the act of going out and approaching a girl during the day it brings up all of your insecurities all of your fear goes against everything society tells you to do but when you do it you feel fucking awesome because you've done what most guys are way too scared to do guys would rather join the army and stand in front of bullets than walk up to a random girl on the street swear to god Steve's laughing because he knows it's fucking terrifying I'm sure a lot of you guys in here have done day game you know all that but if you can pull it off which isn't that hard you basically have to show her that you're doing something weird but it's actually not weird because you're not weird you're just a baller and you don't subscribe to social norms then she'll be like whoa it's so weird I was at Starbucks and this guy just came up and he was totally flirting with me and he was hot and now I'm going on a date with him I've been going out with all these Tinder guys so this is awesome so day game is awesome but if you can't get a girl to stop when she's walking down the street you're going to it's really going to suck because what you're going to do, you're going to walk up to him you're going to have like your whole line ready to go and she's like it makes you feel like a total asshole there's nothing worse than chasing a girl down and getting her to stop and she just it's like the most deflating thing ever it's like one of the things that I'm so meticulous about with my clients when they're starting a day game is the only thing that you should be worried about on the beginning is just getting her to stop and getting her complete and undivided attention because even if you're walking with her and you don't have her attention she's not really going to hear what you say you might have a funny or witty opening line it's not really going to register and you're going to think that you're going to think that she's shy all these things or that your breath is bad but it's really just the fact that she wasn't listening she's in her own world she's doing something that she's going to the grocery store she's not thinking about a conversation happening she's not expecting it so when you kind of break that bubble you need to make sure you have her undivided attention before you launch into whatever you're going to say so make sure you get her to stop dealing with flakes messages but hasn't replied let me message her again and ask her why alright who said A number seven who said B who said C who said E okay good no one said E A is the wrong answer because now she's basically going out with you not because she necessarily likes you but because she really wants to go do this cool thing and that will usually lead to you spending a lot of money and at the end of the day having not the outcome you wanted of connecting with her and turning that into a relationship the answer is B because she's flaking right for whatever reason it may be you know she may be just making it up you don't know she's legit but if she wants to see you again she's going to reach out to you and if she doesn't and she goes about her day then maybe you'll see her again and you'll have another shot but if you send her when are you free again now you're kind of getting into this kind of gray area where you're now chasing after her and it's not a clear assessment from her side right like if you really like a girl and you have to flake what are you going to do you're going to flake but you're going to be like oh but I'm free next week let's reschedule you're going to be the one to make sure that happens right if you don't like a girl what are you going to do you're going to do what she did can't make it sorry and then you're not going to follow up and she's probably going to follow up with you if she likes you you just respond and go out with her and it just creates this situation where it's not the investment is no longer 50-50 so you just respond all good you don't text her again if she doesn't text you oh well she probably wasn't that interested but like I said if you do happen to bump into her again or see her you're not the guy who chased after her now you're just the guy who was cool and who had other stuff going on and you'll probably be in a good position to hang out wingman who put A who put B who put C who put D so I used to have a wingman same as Justin he looks very similar to me but he's better looking and he's a little bit taller and we would go out all the time and every time I went out with him I'd get destroyed and anytime we started talking to two girls the hot one would always want him I'd always have to kind of jump on the grenade and I couldn't figure it out I was like what is going on like he's not that better looking he's got me by maybe an inch but what is going on and what happens is for a girl right you're basically presenting two options but if I look just like him but he's slightly better looking or slightly taller it stratifies it all of a sudden like he's the hotter one so now he's like a 9 in her book let's say I'm a 7 and he's a 7.2 right but we're together all of a sudden now he's a 9 and I'm like a 6 you guys see how that works so for him I'm like the best wingman ever because I'm second best just when it comes to that if we're just talking physical appearance but for me he's the worst so optimally what you want you want something like this and my best wingman is my buddy Jesse he's a little bit taller than me that doesn't matter he's blonde hair blue eyes that's Jesse that's me essentially and we work really well together because if we run into two girls then they have the option like some girls are going to like blond some guys are going to like brunettes we both have dynamic fun personalities we don't overshadow each other I'm not going into the personality stuff there's a lot to do with it as well how you work with each other you guys should be at a similar level that way someone's not always being pulled or dragged along but this is really important it's something that guys really screw up because we won't think about our wingmen as necessarily ideal we'll just be like yeah my buddy Joe he's awesome he's my best friend he's my wingman because we go out all the time together but if Joe is very similar looking to you and a little bit better looking it's really going to fuck your shit up so be careful of that fashion who said A who said B who said C who said D so why is D the wrong answer yeah exactly someone who's at a working in a retail store like her she's going to be like oh these look good oh these ones look good these ones are $7,000 these look amazing she just wants to make a sale she has very little interest in helping out now sometimes if you go to a place like Nordstrom's where the girls and the guys working there are Nordstrom's really really trains their employees to put the customer first they have an insane return policy I only shop at Nordstrom's and you can get some good feedback there but it's still not nearly as good to be optimal which is your buddy a guy he knows how to dress he knows you he knows the type of woman you're looking to attract that is your ideal image consultant right so remember that if you have a girl style you and it's your friend she's often going to style you to be like the guy that she wants but that might not be you I dated a girl who she's a model in night life and she tried to dress me up like a promoter like a 25 year old promoter bro and those guys dress well they're swaggy, they got the ripped pants and they got the t-shirts that are a little bit longer but I just look like an idiot because I'm 34 I'm a professional I run an online business and I come and I give speeches imagine if I dressed like a promoter you guys would be like who is this guy and I don't want to attract the type of girl that wants that she thought she liked me because let me rephrase that she liked me because I knew how to dress she thought she wanted someone that dressed like a promoter but she didn't and when I started dressing like a promoter it was just bad news so don't don't fall into that trap ten you've been casually dating Anya for three months she invites you to a cousin's wedding so we can affair you want to keep things casual what do you do who said A go and then remind her after that you're focusing on work who said B don't go it's a trap who said C who said D no one said keep it cash this actually happened this is my buddy and this is a true story my buddy Justin and Anya and his text was Anya count me out just pretty mean we all laughed about the fact that that's a really harsh way to reject someone just like count me out there's a lot nicer things you can say like I'm sorry I'm busy I can't make it Anya count me out so anytime he invites us to something we're just like Justin count me out A is is wrong because you're going imagine she likes you you guys have been dating she's inviting you to a wedding women at weddings they love weddings it's like our society hallmark like there's so much shit around weddings and she brings you she's sitting there thinking oh I hope we get married one day and now the relationship has just gone from casual to not casual to her mind and then at the end if you're like yo sorry babe I'm just focusing on work you're just a dick that's a fucking dick so unfortunately even though you might want to go don't go right if you're casually seeing a girl and you're only if you're casually seeing her you should be spending maybe one day a week with her ten days that way you're not giving off the impression that you want something serious probably dating other girls too and if you spend three days with her in a row the relationship goes from this to that and then trying to go back to being casual again that's going to create a lot of drama and probably lead to the relationship ending so don't fall into that trap lastly the bonus how do we can fling with a girl in Miami flew back to LA maybe one of you guys will have this happen that's why I wrote the question in this way maybe you guys will meet an amazing chick and you guys will have a nice romantic fling and destroy your hotel room with her all weekend and she you're texting with her you really like her you want to be your girlfriend which option is most likely to leave the outcome who said A offer to buy her plane tickets so she can come stay with you no one I stumped everyone on this one who said B go to Miami book your own place who said C go and stay with her who said D wait until it's more convenient alright so this is a tricky one I have seen not just by myself but so many of my friends clients fuck it up because a girl told them to come visit and they did but what happens when that happens right let's say you're here at the convention you're doing your own thing you meet this girl she lives here it's great you have this fling maybe you hook up at her house maybe you're at your house maybe you're at her house the whole time but then if she invites you back and she does want to invite you back she thinks she wants you to come but guess who's host now she's host which means she's in charge she's figuring out the itinerary she's figuring out what to do she's going to make sure you're having a good time that's a very masculine type of frame and you do not want to make the girl you don't want to put her in that masculine frame but when you come and stay with her on her own turf now it can go from this amazing awesome thing to her feeling all this pressure and I can't tell you how many times it's happened to my buddy they're like yeah I went to stay with her I just crashed on her couch and then the girl called me later she's like oh that guy I thought I liked him but he was such a bum I had to like figure out everything to do I had to figure out the dinner plans I had to do this I had to do that and I'm thinking well so you invited him right but it's the way the psychology works and the way that these dynamics work with masculine and feminine energy you're the guy you need to be in control you want to be in control and that will put you in the driver's seat to make that relationship happen so if you do want to go to Miami at least come but book your own place that's better but it's even better if you can get her to come to you she's on your turf you're showing her your city you're leading she gets to have this amazing experience sit back relax and go on this adventure with you that's going to lead to a much more likely scenario of her becoming your girlfriend and this is such a brutal one because if you fuck this up and you just say yes like that could have been the one that could have been your girl and nomas so be careful with that one so like I said to take the final quiz you guys can go to intercom.com slash 21 is not up yet there's going to be 90 more of these questions maybe hundreds and I really want to make this thing like the be all end all of if you could pass this quiz you really understand this stuff which means you're going to be victorious in all of your situations and life dating for anyone who wants to email me personally about that I always answer everything robbieinterconfidence.com I don't think we have time for questions but thank you so much guys and thanks for taking the quiz alright let's give it up for Robbie Frager Robbie I had a question in regards to texting there's a lot of advice out there as far as how you should text women and there's a lot of confusion out there but is there a rule of thumb as far as like if you talked to her for a long time is calling you know appropriate for that matter or is calling just something that you shouldn't do at all of these days at all with the whole smartphone era great question and it's going to be highly situational dependent but if you've been texting back and forth well let me ask you this is this a specific instance you're talking about because it's really helpful to talk about specific instances versus kind of these general so do you have an instance that comes to your mind where you can give me more background on it an instance where I'm talking to her for quite a bit a matter you know in the city somewhere at a bar and we kind of hit it off pretty well and you know you kind of talked about that feeling feel like maybe you're inclined to actually have that make a call instead and you feel like maybe that's probably a better connection but I move but or is it better to just text I'm not sure kind of get that confusion these days right yeah and you haven't seen her since the initial interaction usually I'm going to say no and here's one thing that happens a lot with guys is you'll get a girl's number the interaction you thought was really great and maybe it was but guys can get trapped in the text vortex is what I call it where you're texting 30 40 50 times you're going back and forth you know a lot of times when you're texting with red receipts now or on a WhatsApp or messenger you know you're having like a real-time conversation but the problem is if you don't see her and you end up sending all these texts and spend all this time on the phone you're creating a lot of expectations and it can have the opposite effect instead of connecting it could actually make her a little bit scared because now she's like oh my god and those guys so well but I haven't even seen him again you guys haven't gotten physical or hooked up you know what it sounds like from the first interaction it was just a number exchange it wasn't like anything sexual happened so that can play to your disadvantage so what I tell my clients and what I tell you guys is it's really important to not texture too much you know get her number texture back and forth a few times but if it's more than like 20 or 30 texts back and forth before seeing her again you probably will never see her again and that happens a lot of the time so you know if she's not willing to see you that's a real big red flag because girls will text for a lot of reasons she might just be texting because you're fun to text and she's bored and she's at work and you're entertaining you know they have a lot of reasons why they'll go back and forth and then never see you so yeah and then for calling unless it's something really specific like you know she's lost on her way to the date and it's just too much of a logistical nightmare to do it and you want to call fine some girls will want to talk on the phone which is another red flag which is usually means like she's been on a lot of really bad dates recently she wants to screen you to make sure you're not as weird as some of the guys she's been out with but if she's already in that mindset then she's already kind of like on the defensive not sure about you so that's another red flag I you know in general I've had way more success with just not really ever calling until our relationships kind of progressed to that point where it's just totally natural and normal we're already having sex you know we're you know some sort of you know consistent thing going on so yeah alright out of time let's give it up for Robby again