 Broke her back, which was funny to see, but hearing about it on the news the next day made me laugh even harder. Are we live? Welcome to episode number nine, teen 20, 20, it's episode 20, what is a halfway point Your glasses, I don't know, bro, the podcast prep had me all sorts of wonders. Your glasses look like you've had an implant in your brain. I think that's happened, bro. I had a big one. Oh, give me a bit of it. Really? Yeah, I want a bit. Michael's got snort dangling out of his fucking nose. Oh, why? Why are you so fucked like that? How can you handle that, Matt? Michael's just blown his nose into Matt's fucking hand and Matt's just sitting there letting it swim in his hand. You won't do that. Michael's asking him to wipe it on his face. Do that. Do that for the fucking... Matt's considering it. B, B. B, actual B. Oh, no way. Oh, that's hot. You are so fucked, both of you. Oh. What the fuck, man? Just chopped his snot on your face. You were just the cupid. I think Matt's like... Make it shake it, move it, break it. Show me how big you are. That was cool, man. I reckon Matt's would be as good as the fucking gross shit as you would in the videos. There's different things. Michael can eat shit and I can play with saliva. You're mucous. You're more mucous. I can't do puppu though. Pupu is good. It's a special kind of nose to be able to handle that. Anyway, fuck me. We're on holidays right now. That's our week off filming, but of course we still come into the podcast, which is fucking great. We've got a jam-packed episode few. We've got a really funny Matt vs. Michael. We've got a black book. We've got a diary entry from the Matt Brown. One of them is done and ready and I'm excited to read it. I don't know what it's going to say, but I'm sure it's great because Matt's fucking sexual deviant. Oh, wow. Fucking fuck. Fucking touch me. Both of you are fucked. And of course, Tinder Adventures. But yeah, we're on fucking holidays right now. And last week, we got to go film with Alex Volkanovsky. Well, yeah, it was an experience. He's a cool dude. Yeah, he's a very nice guy. Or Golbin. He's probably the number one power fighter in the world. And he's, um, and we, he did some shit with us and we fucking fully pranked him. Marty took one for the team that day. He had a leg kick, a can on his head. He stood up and this dude kicked it off his head. You know how high he is? He's like, he's high. Yeah, I fully trusted that guy. It could have knocked me out with his heel. Did you see that brown or hear about it? No. Footage will be out soon. We're not allowed to post it yet. But yeah, we pranked Volk too. So you'll see that. That was pretty funny. And we just had a fun little nane sitting, fun little nane sitting. And now we're on holidays. And so after today, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that's fucking. Oh, Michael's just going to Michael just please. Please stop. I can't fucking be. What do you mean? What do you mean? It's fucking too much. What do you mean? It's disgusting. What is going on? What do you mean? Oh, oh, if any of this mucus goes anywhere fucking near me, you get sprayed with Ajax. All right. I'm going here. I don't know to do that now. Put it on the tip of your nose. Oh. Oh. Oh, my God. OK, look, we'll stop for a bit and we'll calm down. We'll calm down a bit. What'd you put? Yeah, I know where it is, man. That one's the thickest I've had in ages. Let's just remain fucking... No one even knows what the fuck is going on. Okay, I won't. I'm gonna speed it away. No one even knows what's going on. Are you sick? Oh my fucking god! How are you doing? Michael is gollying all over the place, like fucking pieces of a rubber from his throat, and man, he's picking them up and playing with them with his fucking fingers, and it's too much. Hey, that smells good. Yeah, it's so bad for your eyes and face. Shout out to Ajax. I'm sick from it. So anyway, we're on fucking holidays, and it's a week off filming, so after today it's just golfing, relaxing, and going away doing fun shit. Matt, tell us about your fucking weekend, cunt. Oh, um, yeah. Oh fuck, I've got something for you guys. I bet you it's gonna be another really shit lame, fucking 40-year-old single cunt fucked up weekend. God, you look fucked today. Holy shit, what a start, man. You better not have another stick at dickhead. Oh no, it is gonna be another stick at... Fuck, of course he does. Yuck. Yuck. Don't be excited, and fucking make sure that purple hat's still on you. All right, so... No, not on the computer. What the fuck, man? Did you just fucking golly on my foot? Yeah, he did. It's on your leg. Why are you guys doing this? I didn't know he was gonna do that one. There is fucking golly everywhere. Oh, look at that! We have guests and shit here. I really want to pick that one. I really want that one. No, Matt, just get on with it. People at Spotify are probably like, shit, I'm out of here, cunt. Yeah, do you want to explain what's happening? No! No! Tell me about your fucking weekend, and let's move on! So, I had an urge for trading cards. Fuck! I had an urge for trading cards, and I went down to the shop, went to Chermside shops, and I went to this great store called Mr. Toy's Toy World. Shout out to Mr. Toy's Toy World. And then while I was there, they didn't have a good selection of cards, so I tickled my fancy. And I came out with some bangers. And anyway, there is a bunch, but I scored some beautiful Harry Potter stickers. And they're like little cartoon Harry Potter stickers. And then, yeah, so that's my little Harry Potter sticker that I scored. There's more, but that was the pick of the bunch. I would bash you if I could. That was the single most revolting thing that you've ever spoken about. Sorry. Fucking weird collector. Sticker shit. Sticker shit. Collect shit. Cards and fucking Star Wars films you watch. You know who else likes stickers? Kids. I can't say. Yes, you can! Go on down this path. Well, you're the one who's sprinting down a full steam ahead with a fucking Santa Claus hair cut. Yeah, don't get in. Don't do any more. I reckon ban on stickers. Fuck! And I'll do gollies not that much. By the way, amongst all the gollying, I forgot to mention, there will be a new prank call character tonight. I'm going to try it out. See what you guys think. I don't know yet. It's going to be, I think it's going to be one of those cringe characters. But other things happen on the weekend, they've... Fuck sake. No, this is like real shit. Obviously, the submarine. Shit. Yep, yep, they're fucking Gonskis. You know, I saw on Twitter today MrBeast, the YouTuber, was asked to go on that submarine and they were like, I'd love to have you on here. You tweeted the text he got sent and decided against it. I would never, ever go on a submarine, even a big one. But I wouldn't even consider the dangers. You'd think, oh, I'm fine. Because they're professionals, don't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd just be like, you don't think about pressure underwater, like crushing you. Because even when I dive down to the bottom of the two-meter pool and shit, bro, like you feel it a bit, but bro, you wouldn't bloody expect what it'd be like 200 meters down there, bro, or even further. So if someone said you can go on a submarine, you'd go on it. Like a big one. I would no way. Well, not now, but before this incident. Yeah, probably. I'd never go on a submarine. If it was like a big military and I'd be tempted, but I'd be so scared. Yeah, I'd be really. I'd get so... I didn't know that the submarines were that scared and freaked out. You never hear about submarines like imploding. I've never heard of it. Now you hear more about plane crashes. You hear more about guns getting fucking lost, lost around here and getting fucking found at Bunnings. Um, apparently it went to the size of a can, like an aluminium can. The death there would have been instant, right? Yeah. Imagine being shrunk from normal size human to burrow. But like the burrow. It's like literally being in a crusher. All of the weight of all the water on top of you would have just smushed you into nothingness immediately. It was the size of a coke can. Is the sound that it made? It wasn't really a coke can. I'm not sure about that. I felt like that was believable. Okay, cool. Um, there's other news. Julian Woods got his ear bit. Yeah. What the fuck? We'll have to get him on to talk about that. But of course he did. He got a bit of into a bit of an altercation. He's already had a year ban from the pub. And now he's had another year ban from this pub. He loves this pub too. And it's his own favourite pub. He's always so excited. Some new fucking paki machines in there or fucking, fucking, oh, they've done renise the kitchen. Oh, there's a new chef. Like it's the first thing he ever talks about. It's the only thing he ever cares about. So I can tell these feelings are really, he's pretending that he's okay with the 12 month ban. And he's not. This is really going to hurt him. He would go every single Friday night. Like that's, that's Julian's routine was going to this pub, this only pub. And it's, it's just a pub. It's the Gap Tavern. It's just a pub. It's got pretty whatever food, just a couple of paki machines, a little balcony, and he would go there every Friday and rave about it. And it was the, the place to go for him. Anyway. Anyway. So that's Julian. He got a bit on the, we might have to get him on and just to tell everyone that story because I feel like there's more to it. Yeah, I feel like there's, there's gaps in the story. Well gaps in his ear now. He's, he wanted to be like Mike Tyson a bit, maybe. He did say that once. All right. Let's time for the sponsors. It's slow. I started watching the borough as someone series two. It's fucking amazing. Okay. You've made a fire. Oh yeah. Over the weekend. Just fire with. Yeah. It was fucking awesome. I buy a lot of things that are really flammable and I put them all on at the same time. And I just love seeing that big explosion of flame, the heat that comes off and just really makes me feel so crazy inside bro. And I just love to watch everything burn quickly. I can ask in a steep down. Yeah. I can fucking see it now. I can see why and like just go on like starting a bush fire is like the biggest version of that that you can do. Holy shit. I just thought of a theme park. I thought you're going to say, holy shit, we should start a bush fire. Well, yeah, pretty much. We'll buy a shit load of land, contain it, and then you're allowed to start fires in that land. Fire park. Fire park. And like it's dangerous. You have to get out of there before like it takes over. Everything takes over. I would do that. And you have like you have like in case something goes wrong, you can have like a fire extinguisher and shit. I really do think that's a good idea. They have those rooms where people can break stuff for like mental health. But what if someone dies then though? That's it. Well, that's the risk. I want a game where you could die. I reckon that makes it better. Makes it more risky. And imagine if the wind changed all of a sudden went your way, the fire starts. You can't get out in time. You have, it's like say, let's say it's like a hundred, hundred hectares and you've got to get out as quickly as you can and then it gets contained. It's like a little like a globe. Look, I'll think about it. Let's do that. Let's start a go fund me for it. We'll just buy some land first. We'll call it. There's a fucking fire land. A few people commented asking where these shoes come from. We were sent them in an earlier podcast from Band Goods. So shout out to Band Goods. Thank you, Band Goods. They gave us these. All right. Sponsors. AG1 has so many healthy things in it that if you don't go there to athleticgreens.com slash fully actual and at least look at the product. You're a fucking dumb. You're a fucking dumb cunt. And that's all there is to it. Why not get some little powder? It's delicious. Put it in your body once a day. Do you drink? Do you drink something every day? You're nodding along at home? Yeah, you do. You do drink something every day. So why not? Just one of those drinks make it super healthy for yourself. Okay. Just it's not hard. Stop being such a lazy excuse-making fuckwit. It's a 120-day lose a month. Do you realize how much money you lose when you're sick and you stay home from work and when you fucking can't, you die at 16 instead of 70? You've lost 10 years of work life there, cunt. You haven't made any of that money. You die before it. 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And also our subscription website where we post weekly videos of our best shit. We got like 270 videos or some shit on there now. Usually like half an hour, 40 minutes long. They're little fucking movies and they're fucking amazing. Extended version of our fucking pranks. The video out right now is... Does pain stop pain? No that just came out but by the time they're listening to this will be the thumbtack frisbee. Oh yeah. Do you remember that video? It's stuck in you. Yeah but do you remember the very ending of that video? Don't give anything up. I don't think it's not. It's not that one. What's that one? What was that one? That's when we did worms in real life. Is that out yet? Yeah yeah yeah. I had shit ingrained into my skin. Oh man that was so shocking. I just remembered the punishment. And it's fucking terrifying. And it's dumb. It's dumb as shit. But... So... Yeah. It's dumb. You wanna see some dumb... grown man do some real dumb shit and risk their lives? It sparked an idea. We're gonna do what distance is that dangerous now. Yeah yeah. Yeah. So things are flowing quite well bro. Thanks for asking. And that's the sponsors idiot. Hush hush hush hush hush hush hush. It's a mad brown black book. Press the button. Oh yes. Scope. Oops. This is not a horoscope. This is just a story that I found in Matt's diary. Because you leave him lying around. Don't you? You want me to find him I think? That's fucked what you just said. Sorry. Anyway. It's natural. Alright. The feeling of the silk nightgown gliding across my shoulder gave me goosebumps. I swayed back and forth in front of the mirror and watched the material dance across my supple body. I chuckled to myself and started blushing. I truly was incredibly beautiful. Suddenly I heard the front door close and heard footsteps approaching. Shit. I wasn't expecting anyone for at least another hour. I panicked and tried to smear the lipstick off but just ended up spreading it across my face. I considered hiding but froze when I heard the bedroom door start to open. I drove into the bed and threw the covers over myself. What? Is that you? Oh fuck. It was my blind grandfather, Grastiv. I had to take a chance. I couldn't tell him. I couldn't let him know it was me trying on his grandmother's clothes. The confusion alone would kill him. I just put on my best accent and went for it. Yes Grastiv. I'm here. I'm just taking a nap darling. I'm not feeling too well. Yeah you sound quite sick Wark. Want me to make you feel a bit better? No it's okay. I just want to sleep. So maybe you go watch some TV darling. Oh come on Wark. I know just the thing to make you feel better. We do it every time you're sick and you always feel better. I wasn't sure what my grandfather Grastiv was talking about but I couldn't say no. Alright then darling. Yes. That's my girl. Grastiv moved to the bed and took his jacket off. He slowly undid his shirt buttons and started gently humming to himself. Then he took off his belt and slid his pants down. Surely this can't be happening. My grandfather Grastiv was over 90 years old. Where are you Wark? Take my hand. I can't see you. Oh no. What have I done? I quickly considered my options and decided that letting my grandfather have me is better than him knowing I was trying on his wife's silk knot gown. His old mind would never understand. I took a deep breath and grabbed his hand. I placed it on my breast and pulled him onto the bed. Wark! Your breasts are quite hairy. I tear his pants and underwear off and grabbed my grandfather. What's your mouth young man? I grabbed his neck and pulled him into me. I forced my tongue into his mouth and sensually kissed my grandfather's mouth. I sucked on his bottom lip and ran my tongue up his loose neck. Jesus Christ Wark! I grabbed my grandfather's cock and started pulling on it slowly but firmly. I kept sucking my grandfather's face and pulling his head into mine hard so that my tongue could get as deep as possible. I started wanking my grandfather faster and faster. Wark! Where is this coming from? I cut my grandfather off by pulling his head into my chest. My nipples stiffen as my grandfather sucks them. Then I flip over some of my hands and knees on the bed. I cast my silk knot gown to the side to expose my gaping asshole. Then I guide my grandfather's semi-hard soft cock into my guts. Oh my God Wark! I push back into my grandfather all my hips as I do. I groan and moan just like I think my grandmother would. I start slapping back faster and faster accepting my grandfather in deeper and deeper with every thrust I start to fuck back into my grandfather faster and faster again. And then I squeeze my asshole so it tightens around his soft old cock. Oh Wark! A few more back thrusts and I feel my grandfather's warm sludge trickling into my colon. I release my house cheeks and my grandfather's cock slides out. He drops to his side on the bed and breathes in heavily. I was only going to give you your back rub sweetie. But that was in... I look down at my grandfather aggressive? Are you okay? I shake my grandfather but he's unresponsive. I feel for a pulse but he's gone. Oh no I've given him a heart attack I quickly get up return my grandmother's silk nightgown and bound backwards home I will take this with me to my grave. Oh my god You could have man it would have been so much easier to just tell him that you were wearing your grandmother's cloak. Well he just wanted to give you a massage maybe you shouldn't have made that assumption so early on. He's having flashbacks Oh Oh You were there doing it again Sorry I was That was Man I can't believe Why? That's fucked man What happened? Your grandmother's name's Quag Yeah That was fucking good Thank you It was um Oh my god Matt It was an experience Man I have guilt Read all my life It's family How old was he? He's old He's lived a full brown life Alright let's move on man May he rest in peace to be honest It's nice to hear when that happens Alright It's time For our most important segment It's time for Matt vs Michael Where Michael and Matt go head to head In a series of adventures And we see who will win by the end of the season And we all get to keep the bottle of mints Matt vs Michael It's Matt vs Michael It's Matt vs Michael today Matt vs Michael It's Matt vs Michael It's Matt vs Michael today Come, come, come have fun Come, come, oh who wants to come Come have fun Come have fun today Bottle of karma I gotta get in the zone Here we go I'm 12-8 up So last week was a tie so they both got a point So it's currently 12-8 to Michael Like one third I'm one third up still I just wanna say it's been real enjoyment Sportsmanship That made me itchy Alright guys Now I know I've been testing you guys Physically like every aspect of your life Has been really tested so far You know what this is more of an intellectual one The intellectual ones are always tough And like this If you're skilled at doing this It really It tells people that you're spiritual And that you're In touch with nature And I'm not even joking Oh no So today we find out Who's better At making animal noises Animal noises Animal noises I'm excited for this I will give you both an animal You both have to make that animal sound And I will like these are sounds I don't even know what sounds some of these animals make So you will have to guess And I will see if it Visually fits what the animal is If it feels spirit Do you understand? So you both do the same animal And then we'll vote who had the better animal Alright it's his pet rock to see who goes first Clean clean clean clean clean You will be going first Alright Matt the first How about we do this? Matt goes first for this animal Then we switch over Okay The first animal What noise does a Hippopotamus make? I know I've seen it Hippopotamus Animal noises That's an ape That's honestly an ape That did sound primal like Fucking zone here Okay that wasn't the sound Here we go Fuck I'm nervous Can you hear? Did that unplug? No I can hear Fucking dumb chord Maybe it's the person who put it in the Got it Animal noises That was gone, clearly gone No no because they're underwater heaps And that was an underwater sound I don't know if it was Yeah look I'm gonna They were both pretty shit But I think I'm gonna have to give them one To Matt I imagine a hippo noise would be Big mouth open Fuck I thought Yours was an ape Like that Your sounded like Gollum drowning Okay Alright next animal And Michael has to go first A meerkat That was actually That's gonna be hard to beat What do you think Matt? It's your sound more like a bird Sorry Little bit more like a bird than That was so hard to beat Michael's That actually is what a meerkat sounds like Wow I've never heard them Alright so that's one all I just hear Mike's voice on the show My comment Alright Matt you're first for this animal What noise does a dolphin Make That's good I'm sorry Fuck Not bad both of you Michael's sounded just a little bit like a rooster Shit It was a rooster Alright so two one to Matt You get one more Alright so Michael You have to go first for this one I feel like first is an advantage What sound does A giraffe make They sway their necks Draft Yeah man I'm sorry I think you fucking nailed I think you did nail that giraffe The tongue thing at the end Is what There's no sound from them though It's very hard I was just imagining them hitting their necks On each other I said that Anyway fuck Well done Matt I'm only one quarter ahead now Top nine Things are heating up And that was fucking crazy bro That was fucking crazy bro We don't have a guest today So let's have a big Fat Bong break And we're back Can I ask you a question What do you think the revenue from sales from forex bought Board shorts I fucking threw the roof can't you reckon I've seen this fucking brand brand for years For those wondering I'm wearing forex beavers Boardies I've gone to your heritage Look at how fucking dumb it is I forgot that you're in uniform Fully just forgot that that's what you look like It's like They think they're mystical beings You shoot that though It's like you think you're fucking Peter Pan's You're just in a fantasy We're like from that movie never back down Oh That's what we're like Or green street hooligans Yeah a little bit like that too We put a poll in our facebook group The other day a website member facebook group And someone Said like oh what's been your favourite podcast season And season four Was out in front by fair bit And then we looked at some of the comments And you know people spoke about the energy That we had We spoke and some other things So fuck man We're gonna fucking lift our shit Because we have been low energy this season We have been a bit flatter than usual And we will Endeavour to fix that We will be better Because it's time For Matt's Tinder adventures Oh no Push the button brown less here at town Push the button We have Matt's Tinder Cross control now these women Will lose their souls Alright now this is a segment Where Michael and I have taken over Matt Brown's Tinder profile It's him, all the pictures are him The bio's him, they think it's him It's Matt Brown, it's Matt Brown And we only say what we think That Matt would say to them anyway So it's really us just doing the conversations For him that he would have usually anyway We're doing laying down the hard work Then you just get to swoop in And have sex I know Yeah you've had options Don't deny it, have you had options? Marty did give me a phone number And I have not contacted it She is like It sounds really cool, she handled We read it last week That girl But maybe you leave in the comments What you think Matt should do If you think he should contact her Subscribe, it really helps us out As well as 5-star reviews on Spotify Everything we do is demonetised So the only way this podcast grows Is through word of mouth And through your engagement So please I'm begging you, I'm on my fucking knees I'll suck every single one of you off Until you cunt to my fucking mouth If you please just do those few little things For us right now If you do it, you see me out in the streets Tell me that you've done it And I'll drop to my knees and I'll suck your cocks Until you cunt into my mouth Use his head Now this story is A continuation from last week So this is the one where you had A colostomy back I didn't listen And she was a bit grossed out At the language you were using She was getting cranky Getting annoyed because you were being so descriptive It didn't end Like happy did it I'll continue from where her complaints Started again It is not your condition that's the issue I don't think being vulgar is a good thing Anyway if you reply That means the surgery went well So I'm happy for you But yes we will end this here I'm not comfortable with your way of speaking Good luck for your life I'm not trying to be vulgar This issue will affect whoever I decide to be So I have to So I feel like I have to describe what's happening Because if I don't then my partner sees what's happening She might leave So it's just better for me to be honest straight away Look the surgery didn't go well The doctor said that when they cut into my stomach A thick surge of blood and shit sprayed out And they had to close me up Now there's black dried shit in my wound Which is infected and pass He thinks there might have been an artery That shouldn't be there So I'm trying again in two days I don't know For me saying rectum was shredded And my ass is like a shower head It's vulgar You can say I had a fire accident when I was younger And it affects me when I go to the toilet Poo is super painful So I need a colostomy back To improve my quality of life I'm sorry for you I hope it will be better in two days Try to do some visualization exercises And convince yourself that everything will be Next time I kind of don't like her Because she's just Does she think this is real? She's giving you advice It must be her first day on the internet Sorry continue Oh I see what you're saying Yeah that makes sense I'm so sorry I guess I just have a really descriptive way of talking Yeah I'll try the visualization thing It's just hard to concentrate Because where they cut into me There's hard black shit kegged into the wound And it's itchy as hell But then when I scratch it It literally smells like shit And if it's itchy Put something on it to avoid touching it Plus I'm sure you didn't wash your hands when you scratched it Better way to increase the infection Okay I'll ask the nurse I'm so bloated and backed up from not shitting for a week The shit has solidified And become hard pressed in my colon I touch my stomach and it's hard and swollen With fecal matter When the doctor cut into me It was like a pipe of thick black shit bursting The doctor said one of the nurses vomited into her face mask Because the smell was so putrid It stung her eyes So glad I wasn't awake for it It sounded hectic as shit Oh wow that's insane Yeah I hope they can fix you Have you ever tried too fast To help your digestive system To heal slash rest of it Yeah the doctor said something about fasting too I just love sausages though Big thick sausages And sometimes raw I can fit a whole sausage in my mouth And once I even swallowed it whole without chewing I spit last night Such a relief The first part of the shit was hard as rock Then it softened a bit further down I filled a whole bucket with my string shit And the nurse gagged A fair bit of blood and pus seeped out at the end too It smelled like burnt fish and rotting flesh I couldn't believe it I came for surgery today though Thanks for chatting me through all of this I think guys dream about your sausage skills But with girls How was the surgery I've seen sausages today Surgery went well The bag is on and is working It fills up so quickly It's fun to watch the shit ooze out of my hole Sometimes I squelch the bag The nurses hate it I never have to shit again I'm so happy I get discharged tomorrow Let me take you out That's great Take me out I'm almost 300 kilometers from you Oh no I didn't even notice I didn't experiment where I only ate purple jelly beans for a day And my shit looks so cool in the bag Purple swells and little lumps of hot sick bean Sweaty skin captures the scent And releases it into the atmosphere I don't feel I want to continue the chat It's better if we stop here as we are too different for me Good luck with your new life Matt Oh no if I don't hit a gun Mark I'm so sorry To live you alone I don't even notice when I'm doing it I really am sorry You seem like such a good person I hope you find someone that doesn't spew fat sticky shits out into a plastic bag It's all good Matt You are way too much for me Like the opposite of me You seem to be a good person too But I know that I can't handle someone With an expressive personality like yours And I don't mind if the person has a colostomy bag And I hope your person won't mind either Yeah I think I understand It is the way I speak I think I just like to be as descriptive as possible So that when I do find my person They're not shocked by my steaming hot bag Of fat shit dangling from a fucked hole in my gut I know it's not because of my colostomy bag You're a good person Jesse And I hope you find someone that deserves you Big lengthy strings that look like Hang on let me get this Big lengthy strings that look like rat tail clusters Mixing throughout my mushy black tar shit She unmatched She unmatched Do you have a photo of, I just want to see What that look like I want to know the type of person Who puts up that much with it Okay she's half covered Stop spitting on me Can't match racism then Alright here we go My race? He said she's that colour or something No I said she covers half her face Something about colour as well Being racist it's the hair Stop that! No no no please Matt Oh my god See that's his fault This is what I'm fucking talking about man I will not sit in the middle of this Any for any longer Stop picking his flim up Wipe it off my leg This is fucked up Wipe it off my leg he said that Where's the Ajax? I didn't do it Where's the fucking Ajax? I can't I'm sorry I'm sorry Shit man no more of that Fucking golly shit Your smile would light up the whole room I want to be around you and brush your hair By your ears and say Everything's going to be okay baby I'm here for you Hey when are you free to come over You can stay the night if you want Wow to wake up to your message Definitely put a smile on my face No If that message put a smile on your face What would you do Maybe the opposite Oh my god there's flies on my dick Every time my son make it up She hasn't replied to that yet I don't know if I want my name Attached to this anymore I hope she replies That might have been a bit too much Too quickly I'm so impressed with the first message Quickly Decided it Alright here we go So Matt starts his one with Weaponize my lymph nodes They're so thick and swollen because of rum When's your favourite day Hey sorry I sort of forgot about this Your lymph nodes swollen Because of rum No one's ever asked me if I have a favourite day Are we talking days of the week Or like a holiday Which rum so now it's all pooled in my lymphatic system I'm a staunch alpha male So I'm not drinking rum So I'm not not drinking rum Even right now I'm talking fav day of the week baby hips I want to know shit about you And that's an on your own conversation Baby hips Alright so this is probably my favourite one So this is I began this one last week It was an opener so I'll just go from the top Alright it's not that long What's your week going Like a two out of ten Dropping my niece to school this morning And I slammed the car door on her fingers Fully smushed them I really closed the door Hard because it's old and you really need to Shut it hard And I couldn't open it again And she was fucking screaming and curing on So fucking annoying I had so much shit to do today Oh no Poor little thing did you end up at the hospital Yeah she needed surgery Completely shadowed her whole hand Said her hand is like hundreds of small shattered Bones floating in potato mash It's gonna need like lots of surgeries I'm so sorry to be meeting under such Extreme circumstances I'm honestly still numb to what's happened She may never be able to properly use her hand again I slung that door closed with Everything I had Oh my god that is awful But it was just an accident I hope she recovers quickly and regains full use Are you okay? You may have lost the best uncle award for a while Yeah there weren't no for sure until the first Surgery heals She has no feeling in her hand yet I just keep replaying it in my head Why the fuck did I have to slam the door Literally as hard as I possibly could I fully opened the door as far as it would go And put my whole body weight into slamming it Like I bent my knees and drove up As I slung it shut Definitely not the favourite uncle My brother, her dad Won't talk to me now either But it was a total accident Fuck some of my sisters kids At least they've got working hands Oh yes Just curious Why did you feel you needed to shut the door like that Haven't heard of this red flag yet Shuts doors with as much force as possible How is your niece today Hopefully she's feeling okay The door has just always had issues I think the lock on it is worn And to be honest I was a bit frustrated From the drive I hit like every red light on my way My parents placed it and I was running so late She's out of hospital and she starts rehab on the hand Once the bones have reset Have you ever accidentally hurt anyone And there's an ongoing conversation Wow that is fucking amazing That is amazing She seems so empathy I reckon she could be the mother of your children She could be the one Yeah well You shouldn't have closed the door so hard Driving her with you I'm actually kissing his hand in the fucking door Flaming it that hard I have a vivid memory of I've got a vivid memory of Like being fucked Like six years old And we picked this kid up to take him to like And the door like Slammed into his like hand Like whole arm and everything He wasn't in the car yet And the parent that was driving Like just shut it on him I've had my fingers slammed in the door of And they're horrific But like they're still there after As long as it's the tips It bends with the ring work Fun fact Pigeons die after they have sex If that is true I hope for the sake that it's at least great sex Yeah well the one I fucked died anyway So I'm pretty sure it's true You got any kids Wow savage Yes The skin on my heels is hard and cracked I try to soak them in hot soapy water And grate the skin off but it's still too hard I can sand wooden tables with my heels You sir are kind of strange I just don't understand I personally think it's better to be strange Rather than just be another generic nice successful guy So boring My life is full of adventure and unpredictable tragedies I walked all the way From the city to North Lakes barefoot once Because I couldn't afford a train ticket Why do you think my feet are so hard and silly Sometimes chicks are so funny Sometimes they just don't get shit ever Oh my god Oh I wish she replied That was fucking amazing Broken glass in my carpet How do you get it out Don't got no vacuum cleaner Move out That's the most stupid shit I've ever heard I'm not moving out of my parents place Just because I broke a glass Cross your arms Cross your arms so tightly that the blood supply to your breasts Is cut off Do that and then we can talk Jeez a bit heavy for a Monday morning Matt Did you try it? I want your breasts to be painful And purple And veins in them are so funny Please tell me That was just this morning Oh my god And veins in them are so funny So you got some Some exciting shit happening in Matt Brown's life Everyone I don't know how that's exciting You have a girl now that you can be married And she'll still be with you Be with you So you could marry one other girl that you want Then you can have that one As just there too Fuck a bloke Fuck a bloke Fuck a bloke Alright shall we move on Alright It is time everybody For your fucking questions Yes Oh man we got something for you guys Get ready BONG BREAK You have all the questions And we have all the answers And we've got lots of dances For you Oh my god Is that royalty free music? Yeah well it said it was Yeah that was very good I enjoyed that I didn't know you had to dance Can we do it one more time? No no keep it Just do it Don't get angry Just dance this time Dance better People don't like it Just play it Hurry up When you calm down When you calm down You ready? Be nice Don't be impatient Play it You have all the questions And we have all the answers And we've got lots of dances For you Oh man that is fucking fun And Connor if you could zoom in on each of our faces Throughout that dance That's exactly what we said Yes Alright so if you want us to answer your questions Most like questions first And we've looked at the analytics and noticed There's always a bit of a dip during the Q&A So we're going to shorten them So we'll only be answering a few of your Very best questions every week It's not going to go for like 15 minutes Like it usually does And we'll Top question with the largest amount of likes Went to JC Unscore 2, 1, 6, 1, 9 Alright Question of the podcast Probably been asked before but it was the highest one If you were given the opportunity to pull off the ultimate prank on each other Without consequence What would it be and how far would you go Without consequence And how far would you go What do you mean though without consequence Without any consequences I'd set you up in that I would take you to That theme park And I would start a fire And see your reaction I'd roof for you and have all of your hair laser removed So it doesn't grow back Ever again Oh my god It's completely bald Everywhere Every hair on your body Except for one On your ball Wow I'd probably treasure that I'd never shave I'd just grow that one ball Use it as a handle I'd try and weave it up Underneath my shirt And make it so it could go With all the hair on my head I would take Marty's family And all his former Customers from the tennis coaching And I'd invite them all to a cinema And then I'd show your Shitting on Michael's chest in a video I wouldn't come to that You wouldn't I know that they've seen it Well I don't speak of that life anymore Anyway Fucking tennis coaching Look It'd be fun for you Mine's nice We go light a fire in a fucking bush Run away and there's a risk of dying I'd dig up your most recent dead relative And I'd fucking Get some strings and shit And make it like a puppet And I'd fucking I'm alive And make it seem like your fucking dead relative Is actually alive And that's another joke that I'd do on you Yeah As like a side social experiment In fact If there was another prank I could do I'd go to like I'd hang out cemeteries and see where there's funerals going on And I'd fucking sprint Into the funeral And I'd do cannonballs into the coffins And I'd scream Cannonball I'd run from like a hundred meters away And knees first into the coffin I would actually watch that I would watch that That would be so shocking to see Exactly right mate No consequences I'd get up and dust my hands And go have a fucking good day fellas And then I'd fly out of there Wait Oh if someone could clip that And animate it it would be very beautiful to see Oh man That's not a bad idea Oh god Yeah that would go viral Oh man You know I thought of a video I do the other day Imagine just like talking to people As you're talking to them you're really aggressively picking your nose But keep a straight face Oh dude and even commit to eating it Yeah yeah all that to be Just fully picking your nose really really hard Oh have you wrote that down Yes of course I've written it down Dude As you're talking on Oh like imagine buying something And they're scanning it handing it to you Putting it in a bag And you've just got your finger Make sure you got proper We could put like red dye up there So like when you put your finger out it looks like your fingers and your nose is bleeding And then committing to it and just eating it Or even rubbing it on your eyes and shit And I thought of another one Where it's just us Scratching our assholes But that could be sexual assault or something I don't know these days you never know Oh it could be getting G spots Well you're asking someone for directions They'll probably take that the wrong way And I know that your mum And I know that your mum She would fuck your dad That's true But yeah so that's not bad No if you are just itching it That's not sexual It could be sexual harassment No it's your ass It's like saying it's like pulling your dick out And pulling on it And saying it's my dick I don't know why again with that I think that's fine too Not that con Michael's freak Alright It's your dick Yeah it is Next question is from tartanplanet355 What is the worst come down You have ever had from a bender or other things Love you girls For me it was At the beginning of this year That fucking holiday we had Just cause I just lost my shit That entire holiday And then just that first week back That's when the heart shit started I reckon even your bucks that week was rough I was so like oh there's no time No I was alright cause I had 100 days And nothing before then so my body Was able to recover but That holiday period of Christmas I just destroyed myself and That first week back at work was Man it was really difficult To just Drive a knife straight through my lungs You can cry I can get tears out On come downs I can just be like I have nothing to fucking live For no more And then tears can come out I can squeeze I was about to say seeing Michael when he's Just trying to nap after And on a come down and you're just throwing Cigarettes in his mouth and they're real by the way Michael's out and he's just Struggling to get through his day That's it come down I don't even That's fine I don't even know what's going on I thought they would be the worst but It's when you can just That's just a hangover That's not a fucking I wasn't On a come down I guess that was a bit of a come down That was like you're still drunk you just Passed out I had to drive home to Brisbane and then I started Looking in the mirror The rear vision mirror and I was like What's all this tobacco shit in between my teeth I was so confused and that's when I looked at the snapchat slate and I was like Oh Marty fucking got me That's the closest I've ever been to falling asleep During a drive home during that drive home It's fully slapping myself as hard as I could It was hard hey I was genuinely Like so scared that I was going to fall asleep You should have helped us that day Every blink was a risk Michael used to ring me every now and then go Can you come to the Gold Coast and pick me up I'll give you $50 I think it was a hundred Yeah I think you gave a hundred one time 50 either way You gave me a hundred You remember the pink panther day Next question is From Fuggin dog Will cracker milk be one of the New University website creators Once you make it big and add people To the team For someone like cracker milk they already have Like they make a fair bit of content On their own so they don't really need To like our website Our website is going to be stuff that Breaks all community guidelines Like the stuff that we do Or the gross shit Or the paint shit We can't post that on social media So our content creators will be other Creators who can't post shit to social media Cracker milk stuff is Dark humor and very very funny But they can still get away with posting it If they sketch stuff isn't it Yeah exactly right Imagine I don't know Connor would you be down for this We pay you guys Let's say 500 a week to come up with A video where I don't know you do something Fucked up you vlog it and Would you Would you fuck Elias On camera for 500 bucks Throw it out to you And you can record Your response on a phone And add it in now if you want Or you can just message us and tell us What you think They could possibly cam me maybe That's probably the best The closest you'll get Sorry Next question is from Henry Mahoney How has the Tinder account Not been banned yet What do you mean it's like It's just how people talk isn't it I don't think so Yeah I haven't had any complaints Most and to be honest Like most of the girls I talk to They just think that That's just a quirky guy which is I don't think that there's any Malice behind it It's just a quirky guy and a lot of these chicks Are very sexual in return Aren't they mad? Shocking They question what it's like to sleep Next to your wife and then they fucking Send you their number randomly after you've told them How much of a slobby slab slut Your wife is I can't wait to get rid of Tinder All together in my life It is a destructive app Destructive app All you gotta do is find your wife That's it, it's not hard And this one's fine with you having a wife So you gotta have two wives Next question Is from Tyler Yeah boy Yeah boy shotguns Yeah boy shotguns Or yeah boys hot guns Anyway Alright question Hypothetical if you had to sleep With one of your friends mums who would it be It's gotta be Michael's No it used to be Yeah Michael's mum is hot But I'm not answering this This is fucked, fuck you My poor mum I'd choose you mum, I'd choose my own mum No I'm just saying That she's like She's too much of like a mother figure now I don't know I'm just not Sexually attracted to her as much anymore So probably So and you know James's mum Is really quite attractive James's mum would be my answer too But once again too much of a mother figure would be I do Matt's mum so I can say That I've fucked your mum to you Mejooly Or not I do guac Your grandmother The guac Actually my actual grandmother's name is Claire Yeah but that's not the quelch planet one Yeah well that's the family Imagine boys just picture One of your mates fucking your mum It's happened Not in my world but that happens in people's world Oh yeah it's happened in That happened in the Palm Beach Yeah the Palm Beach world yeah it's happened So just I really want you guys to picture someone One of our friends fucking your own mother Please just picture I remember James Lee James Lee asked that question He said if you had to pick one of your friends To have sex with your mum or your sister Which one would it be Like had different reasons why they chose someone But there's always like a bad reason Why you wouldn't do it I think everyone ended up picking you Because you'd be the most loving Marty The question was from Shelly Burgess Can you guys please start opening the mince bottle For each guess that you bring on Yeah yes Now do you know what we haven't done for a little while A little lying segment Have we Have we Alright well He thinks Monday Like in the afternoon So he won't expect us to be calling He will be on holidays also right Now he thinks well we are Me and him are playing golf together tomorrow with James I'll say Now that you Can come along too Or you say hey dude are you playing golf with Michael Tomorrow he said that is there another place Cause I'm not going to later in the week For your trip so he'll now think That you're coming to golf and then Get him on Get him real pumped up about it And then bring him down and hurt him And say that you are not coming Fuck yeah I fucking love that Gregi what's going on Bro What do you mean We're on holidays Nothing What's going on Well Michael's not answering his phone What time are you Are you going to golf tomorrow No 9 9 40 And where is it Caperra Cause I think I can come You're going to come We can't leave till later At like 5pm anyway Yeah come along I've only booked for 3 But I don't think it's the end of the week Should I call ahead just in case I don't want to bet it I think Matt, my mate's down there anyway So Matt, Jim and I think you know who she's talking to Hey Coda I'm on the phone Who is it, do you want me to talk to him Yeah Dakota Dakota Put her on Put her on Dakota Dakota Dakota try and have some respect For your father when he's on the phone You can do some cleaning But just make sure you're quiet in the background Okay Okay Thank you Dakota I really appreciate that Thanks for being such a good girl And that's how you parent Greg Do you get it now That's how you fucking parent You've been lied to We're lying Greg I'm not coming to golf It's straight to my holiday I know but Marty's not It's just me and James like we already had planned Are you kidding Are you kidding I was all excited that you're going to come We thought you might be That's why this is so funny Because we've just destroyed your life And I showed you how to parent Bro You're so brown You're so brown You've got to be so cool today Double webby You're fucking called the first Sentence can't aid I was actually over your way I was going to drop in He's lying now Yeah it's a double lie Because he's got to be around Cleaning Yeah Are you excited for golf tomorrow Yeah Nine what time are we Coming off Have you been practicing by the way No I'm playing the worst I've ever played dude It's unbelievable Is James playing Yeah he's coming I want Matt to come Yeah he's working Is it nine? It might be a five hour golf round though I'll call in sick Greg I'll come Okay please do No one send this into wholesome I can't do that Alright Greg Anyway I'll catch you later You have a bloody good day Yeah thanks See you guys, thanks again Bye now I was so tempted to start abusing Dakota You little fucking bitch Don't you fucking I was thinking This could go really wrong right now But you handled that well No I would never do that I would never do that But that would have been very funny You can imagine how funny it would have been But like she thought you were fucked in the head still She thought like who talks like that Like would it be like a fruit Like a fucking teacher aid or something How old is she? She's 15 now How old is Greg? Greg's like 49 He's 50 soon Your age almost No way I don't know Anyway let's not discuss Greg's children's ages There are limits There are people hearing this There are people listening Oh man good lie That was a great lie thank you Alright should we try and get lucky too No Alright bong break bong bong bong bong bong And we're back everyone I'm getting a call I don't know who it is Hello Hello that's Zoe from my Alfred How are you? Zoe from my Alfred The reason I'm calling is we're just offering a one week free trial to our automated trading system So it's an opportunity to have a look at the platform and how it can benefit yourself Sorry which platform is this Sir I'm just having trouble hearing you Sorry from my Alfred So we're just offering a free trial on our automated trading system My Alfred did you say Is it called? My Alfred Yeah Like my and then the name Alfred Yeah And then that's all together My Alfred My Alfred That's two words Is Alfred the guy who's done this? So The way that we like to look at Alfred is like your personal bubbler So he does all the buying and selling for you So a butler has made some sort of trading platform No So he just haven't created it So I'm just having trouble hearing you So Alfred The guy that it's named after is a butler and he's made a platform for trading No So It's an online trading platform For butlers No My Alfred the name my Alfred Alfred is like Alfred No that's the business name 3.1 3.1 stars out of 5 on the google reviews Mine's saying 4.1 No it's just his 3 I'm literally looking at it right now Kinda a little bit concerning Has Alfred done this before? The online trading platform Has been going for about 2.5 years So is that Alfred's first online platform or has he done one before? I don't know I'm sorry I couldn't tell you I've only just started so Oh so you don't really know him? I work for the company Alright okay I think Alfred is not an actual person He's just an online Yeah well see that's why I'm getting confused Cause you just said that it's like Alfred's this butler guy who's made this platform So like I don't Contradicting what he's saying And it's just really like confusing for me I don't know Is that really a scam? I wasn't sure That's why I was like oh I'm not gonna click on it You can still click on it if it's a website Yeah but it might take my everything We might lose everything Never know Isn't that weird why did they call me What the fuck was that I think cause we're now doing that app So it gives information of your number For telemarketers that want to see if you're interested In other apps like that I'll tell Lizard's drink man Yeah Alright let's move on With Michael's movie reviews Hit that spitch DJ Slowly turns his back Grimaces in pain Matt's got a movie For Michael to review Matt's father's Name is Greg and Michael Would rather be dead This is Michael's movie Review Well yeah that's a real fart by the way That's amazing that you got that That's on audio forever Rocked hard Oh okay so the movie this week Was Sunshine For the week before It is a sci-fi film It is probably I'd say up there with The worst or if not The top 10 worst sci-fi films I've ever seen It is shit it's so slow The whole concept is they're going to Launch this thing in the sun To keep the sun moving Cause the sun's gonna blow up It is fucking shit You wasted my time I would rather watch a good film Like an alien film like Prometheus Or something like that Fuck you You have the shitest taste Even your sci-fi films are shit Would you watch Prometheus? I love that film You've watched Alien Alien I would not watch but Prometheus I would And I have and I enjoy it I know what I'm doing You can't appreciate Prometheus without knowing You can because it's real Just been done And your film that fucking Why choose that It's just shit If you do sci-fi which is good Make it good it was so Oh man slow Just of course Conservative and slow Tell me a scene from it The fucking burnt man who thinks he's god Or fuck he's all burned at the end And that sort of the twist The scene shuts down And then they have to go to the one that's already That shut down and they got back in contact with it So they go in there There's a break away where the seal gets broken And one has to fly out And they get really cold It was slow and shit What do you give it out of ten Matt? Ah Six I don't mind it though But overall it's about a six Why are you giving me shit films You are meant to like these I do like it I was trying to find something you might like Sci-Fi wise But it's shocking That you turn around and say you like Prometheus But you never watch Alien That is insane I'm one of a kind That's why I'm levels above Beyond fucking knowing films There's something wrong there Look I told you I'll tell you again Each Fucking Lizzie McGuire movie There's all a bunch of films that I know that are good The Olsen twins The Halloween special ones great I the Sandalot The Halloween special Sandlot I agree with So next time it's a one and a half hour ten done That's it Move on Give me a better film hurry up I hate your films What do you got from this week Mr Brown Town Just your words Just your words Okay I'll watch it I bet you it'll be okay It's pretty old That's why I think you'll struggle Prometheus is new But you have to appreciate older films That's how every new film gets it You sound like a fucking war I'm torn between Kill Bill volume one Which I think you've seen But it's one of my favourite films Okay so I'm on the tour between that Singing in the Rain and Alien Alright I can kill Bill Everyone knows Kill Bill Now I want to really note this one down Because Kill Bill is probably Up there in my Top three films Maybe it could even Could even battle for number one I've watched it in my life Love it It's very cinema Very like cinema isn't it It's probably It's like anime in real life That's what it fucking is It's a loser anime That has real actors in it With a sword and she's sexy And she kills all these people Another unrealistic bullshit action film Losers watch You've cut him You've cut him He could never break me Mate I just broke you You had just broken Because I was right Every word I just spat was real It was true and honest I saw it cutting into you I love that Love it You watch anime in real life And you've got no culture You'll die without culture I guarantee that anime is not culture Please don't tell me You don't watch anime do you You do That film is anime There's an anime scene Holy shit I was right Oh my god That's how I know I just know shit I look at it People say I don't judge a book by it's cover I can judge films by it's cover Just from seeing the picture It's a plain colour Red thing with she's with a sword And some yellow onesie You watch anime Same shit Even worse volume 2 That's why you give me volume 1 There you go kill bill for next week I can guarantee I can guarantee you'll be shit Because he's seen bits and pieces Without a doubt you've seen a preview You've seen something that you knew Also I really want to watch it with you Man we'd have to record it I'd probably attack you Throw the violence lingers in you Do you want mine Or is that too long For what I've got a website review Which video did you watch One is now done It's the colon one Ask Volcano on the website Very disturbing I loved all the failed attempts In this one It's an older video isn't it Considering it's an older video It's very good The older ones I struggled with a bit But this one was great The failed attempts made me laugh So much Because you tried so many different ways To get it in there And then we kept thinking the coke's in and it's not It's hard to accept it I want to know what research went into this Before you did it Not much She had the wrong information Because she didn't realise what we were doing We didn't explain it She thought we were using dilated A small amount of vinegar So that was pure vinegar All I can say is If you do anything like this Even I Had a feeling that that was going to happen Before you did it I was pretty sure it would be alright Because we've skulled glasses of vinegar before But if you have someone Vinegar chips it burns your mouth We'd skulled Vinegar before and we'll fine I guess I have had some bad acid reflux After skulling glasses of vinegar There's just been acid reflux out of your eyes Maybe I should have put two and two together there When Marty was dripping the vinegar Into your arse and he kept spitting on you Very funny I've been watching the ages so I don't remember I forget a lot of them too Inserting the tube into you gave me real jackass vibes But something I hadn't really seen before So very good stuff Still disgusting Michael laughing uncontrollably As he filled your arse with vinegar It's not a good vision Of your friends You're giggling And Marty's filling your bum hole with vinegar It's fucked up To see your two of your best friends Doing that But then it got dark It got real dark Michael started screaming It feels weird inside me You could tell instantly Something was wrong You get worried So we'll get back to the worry in a sec So the whole time as the arse was sort of Volcanoing I was like I really want a slow-mo And then you delivered with a slow-mo And it was And once again There's only one 1% That could have been missed When you did your slow-mo The background was just nothing Whatever was behind you I felt if we had something there to Really help focus on the slow-mo To help make it more easy to see A family photo or something Or maybe like a certain coloured screen A woman in white That's the only downside Other than that the whole video was very good And maybe just a bit more of a close-up of the Arseholes Of the arse off coming out slow-mo Michael's stalking Julien with poo fingers made me laugh So much Once again he's poor boy In the stomach I kind of feel bad for him I can't remember that one The hospital said Like they had no clue what was wrong with you That was during a bad time It was a bad time I guess to go Watching Michael struggle in agony Just makes me say Please do more research I feel like if James was part of the crew At that point Or maybe a bit more there Was he there? I feel like he would have said something Well we called his mum but we didn't explain it to her That's what we went off Watching you shake in agony on the bed Like when you're getting like a fever or something from it Like that was fucked up That was a rough night dude And you can hear in Amber's voice The panic because she calls Marty And you can just I'm glad that you filmed it because you needed to be done I'm glad you thought that If I'm going to get a shitbag for the rest of my life We're getting some content out of it That would be so good man I'd get one with you And then we'd connect him The security guard at the hospital I've never wanted to hit someone harder in my life I was Shocked that they made you Like the emergency I felt there was more of an emergency there There's quite a communist time wasn't it Coming out of your body In a Like a not a normal way That should be Taking to the front There was quite an incoherent time in this world Wasn't it Matt? Where everyone was a bit dumb When I had my kidney stone I went to the front desk I was like I'm in pain What's your pain level 10 I need help and they just instantly took me in Even the nurse The way she spoke to me and she was female I would take her teeth out With one hit Taking love To just Break her cheek bone and see her cry Yeah it's Not good from the That's a shocking thing to say That's true I would have liked to have known I would like to have been there To see the entire Interaction between us To see if you got frustrated and just left I kept my cause So you are not going to Like help me out at all here And she's like no you've got a temperature you have to leave I was like okay well I'll just go see what happens at home You should have just curled up in front of the door And just died there Oh man no the security guard Oh my god that fucking Did you know when I was sitting in there He was he kept coming up to me He knew what had happened And he would make me pinch the top of my mask So it had to be completely Over my nose Pinch it mate pinch it I was just like oh my god this is a real world right now Were you on your own? Yeah well I couldn't have anyone else in there because It was so crazy that time remember Yeah you can't do anything Anyway that fuck me that hurt Yeah that was a crazy But overall Maybe 8 out of 10 Fuck yeah baby yeah people like that one Go watch that video Ask Volcano on our website only For obvious reasons Your phone was your first mistake Ha ha ha ha ha It's prank call time Hang on I'm just going to hear this guy's voice again So this is a new character we have coming I've never heard it Brown's never heard it But he's going to study the voice again Thank you for calling my retinplates of bitches Thank you Mr. Caitlyn how can I assist Oh hey Caitlyn my name's Aaron I'm wondering if you guys have any Availability any rooms free For this weekend Let me have a look for you We've got A couple of one bedrooms and up And then we've got very very little Manless studio suites available as well What's like the most expensive one That you guys have available at the moment Like for Like Friday night let's say Friday night For Friday night yeah So our most expensive room Is the three bedroom ocean suite To just be yourself Yeah possibly I still have to send some messages out to some friends So I might have My boys coming too But I'm not 100% sure yet But just how much is that room Just out of curiosity Let me have a look for you Just for Friday night Yeah just the one night so far yeah So for the three bedroom ocean suite It'll be $1,100 Okay yeah that's not too bad Do you guys do Like Ever do like promo On social media in exchange For like discounts on rooms Or anything like that So we got our eminence member Right So if you become a member through the marathon Yeah yeah right but like But have you ever like You know like social media like influences Have you guys ever had like social media Influences stay over there We have but we don't It's only I do social media And I've got like I've just gotten quite a big following Of the last few years so I was just It's pretty common for places to like Offer discounts and stuff cause I would check out some stories with Some of the boys and we'll probably Like go out if you guys have a pool and shit We'll be doing like photos and stuff around there And that can actually increase a lot of Interest to the hotel Yeah no I totally understand But I don't think we do I think it's only If they Sort of have like a team You know like Oh sorry what's it called like management They'll Be able to come through with us Like I like management Like my name is Aaron Arkinson have you heard of me before Aaron No I haven't That's so weird Yeah my name is Aaron Aaron Arkinson and yeah it's quite Common like this is kind of like a bit Like I don't want to say frustrating But it's just a little bit unusual that Like you're not even considering this Is there like someone higher up or something That I can talk to about this cause I could Honestly really like change things What was your last name? Aaron Arkinson How do you spell that? ARKAS ARKAS Can I ask you why you're writing down my name I can tell you how many followers I have If that's what you want to know I'm up to 39k And I'm Terrified to Yeah so we don't really do any Discounter prices Is there someone I can talk to about that cause honestly You can talk to my manager if you'd like Yeah cause I'm an entrepreneur and like Sometimes I feel like people just don't Like get the value And influence on marketing Like sometimes people just don't get it So yeah maybe just put me on to your manager No I totally understand it's just not My decision as well That makes sense It's not your decision No yeah I completely understand Just yeah I Just work at the front desk I don't get to decide what discount Prices we have or anything like that Neither does my manager It's more of our Our much higher up people Decide that Maybe if I can have a sit down with them And I'd be happy to even consider doing Like some brand ambassador ring And I can do like main feed posts Like we can organize a thing where I come in Like maybe every month Like I'm open to like Lots of opportunities and shit I'm always like being entrepreneurial Like that and getting lots of Do you know what I mean People don't get it I do understand Post like hot photos And heaps of rips and stuff like that But really it's like we're actually like a business Like I am myself a business Yeah no I totally understand Yeah what I can do I can pop you on hold for a second And sort of explain to my manager What you're after and then he might Want to have a chat to you Yeah please that would be perfect Thank you so much for your time darling seriously Oh good Our premium suites Are larger than traditional hotels Hi this is Ari here How can I help? So my name's Aaron did the last lady Fill you in on sort of what's going on Yeah she briefly told me About something so what exactly Were your issues though Yeah so I'm saying like for your best Room like I don't know If you know what like a social media Influencer is do you know what that is Yeah I know that sir So like basically I've built a massive Large following okay like huge And usually when I call up And sometimes I'll go away with my friends And like well use their pool We'll get some sick photos on the rooftop Or whatever and they usually Give us discounts for us Helping to promote their business And trust me when I tell you this Like I've been doing this now for two years And I am an entrepreneur And if I put up a Story of your establishment Like seriously you guys would be Booked out like I think It could be for days It could be for days Yeah so we anyways Are mostly booked out so what I'll do sir There are two options If you are looking for some sort of discounts For that you can email Your you can email your concern To a marketing team and they are the ones I don't really do like Emails and shit I'm sort of just like Want to show up and get the room At a discounted rate like I can go We can't do that on the property I've got 39k followers That's like Suncorp Stadium for picture Suncorp Stadium picture every single person In that seat okay and me In the middle of the field that is the kind Of power that I have and that you're Just being like so Irrational about bro and I'm like Where's this coming from bro I'm like I'm just trying to help you Boys out do you know what I'm trying to say The last girl in particular Like what the fuck was her deal Like she didn't even know like What like my name was So that's alright I understand your concern but there's Nothing I can do over here bro what do you mean bro You can make shit happen anyone can Has the power to do anything that they Just want to do and you can do Is anything that you want bro and that's A direct quote from me and My friend do you understand me Like you're not even understanding me I feel like I'm understanding it quite clear sir But we can't do anything With that the only way to do is Through a marketing team otherwise There's nothing I can help with bro you do Realize like I could put a story up And I could say like that you guys are being So rude like and you guys Might get some bad reviews do you realize That I have that kind of power So you can you're more than welcome to Do whatever you can I can't stop What the F bro we're like Have you seen my content is that Why you're being like this have you seen some Of my content because this is ridiculous The way you're treating me right now bro I'm like shaking bro like What the F what the actual F bro Like I just want to come in for a discount Right bro look look I understand your concern sir And I don't get it bro like you're starting To really annoy me bro So we don't do discounts over here the Only we can do that it's not discount bro You're paying for promo bro I get So many views on my stories get like That's good for you that's good for you bro So like it's helpful for you bro Be so silly not to do I'm swearing you bro You need to calm down you need to calm down No bro I'm not going to calm down bro because So sir I'll have to cut your column sir 39k followers Oh my god Oh my god Oh my god man That was fucked I hate Aaron So much Realize what page we'll make Aaron Have when we tell the businesses Making memories We Would say that Every one that has that That close encounter of that The poor Charmi's page Is what Aaron owns So that's a prank on Charmi as well That was highly Sorry about that guys I thought we'd try it out Let us know in the comments if I've got another guy next week The rage that comes out of him It's like bro Bro bro Let us know in the comments I've got another guy I want to try on next week And you guys let me know Just comment Rhonda I'll find Darren Aaron And that's it Dakota yeah I'm kind of over To be honest I don't just I hate her too much What's the other lady Margaret Oh yeah or Margaret I didn't say Margaret Or Margaret the screaming lady I know I haven't done her for a while But I feel like I'm nearly ready To do a Margaret Alright everyone Please like comment subscribe And give us a five star review on Spotify If you want us to suck you off on the streets And Tell your uncles about us Cause we're the best We're the best We're the best We're the best We're the best We're the best