 Napoleon Bonaparte has a movie about him directed by Ridley Scott. But is this a film you should rush out and see in theaters? Or is your time better spent watching on streaming? Or even better yet, not at all. I'll let you know in this review. The following video is brought to you by LFS Logistics. Quote with them today by calling 866-537-5644 or visit them online at LFSLogistics.us. While people were getting prepared for Thanksgiving, getting their turkey brined, getting those mashed potatoes nice and silky smooth, making that green bean casserole to perfection, I was sitting in the movie theater with my dick in my hand waiting to watch Napoleon. Now to be fair, this was actually Wednesday when I saw it, or it was the day before Thanksgiving. My days are already completely shot. So I already had the turkey well on its brining way. It's in the fridge, it's ready to go. Regardless, I was incredibly concerned going into Napoleon. The movie is two and a half hours long. If you've been on this channel for a while, you know that time is of the essence for me. I don't like films that overstay their welcome. And at this point in 2023, we've had a whole lot of movies overstay their welcome. Movies that could have been considered pretty good and entertaining. But because they decided to go for broke over two hours, they just missed the mark all around. That said, Napoleon, not a bad flick. Let's get that out of the way right away. Not a bad flick. It's got a lot of caveats that I throw on it. First of all, if you're going for the historical aspect, I'm not so sure this is the movie for you. And I'm also not the person to tell you if it is the movie for you. Because when it comes to history, he and I, or she and I, we're not in sync. We're not on the same wavelength. In fact, I barely remember. I think this takes place in the 1700s, late 1700s. He's the leader of, you know, he's the military leader working for France. He's trying to make a name for himself. He's trying to climb the ranks and climb he does. It's impressive how quickly he climbs. In fact, it seems like there's nobody else that really is up for the job. So Napoleon's kind of, he's kind of the guy. He's kind of the go-to. Like, oh, you're willing to lead these men to their death over and over again until you rack up a body count of three million over the course of your insane radical tirades you go on. Joining him is Vanessa Kirby and she's Josephine, his wife in the film. Really, this is the catalyst for everything, according to Ridley Scott, the Napoleon's after. Truly a little man complex is what I'm getting when all is said and done. The guy, you know, he's shorter, he's heavier. He's not like your traditional Stallone build or a Schwarzenegger build. He's a very pudgy, likes to eat and he likes to kill. He likes to strategize and he likes to be on the front lines, claiming that fame for himself. As I stated, I don't know if this is a movie for historical accuracy. I found myself questioning a lot of things. Like, really, was Napoleon blowing up pyramids? It's like I'm watching a Michael Bay, it's like I'm watching a Michael Bay Transformers film. Now, if you're going for the spectacle, if you don't care about the historicity of it all, then I think you're in decent company. I found myself having a fine time at this movie. It did feel a little long because it is. However, the pacing wasn't bad. I never found myself wanting to go take a nap or leave altogether. I was actually invested and I think that has to do with Joaquin Phoenix putting in a somewhat Joker-esque role again here. I don't, obviously, I've never met Napoleon. I don't know how I've never heard him talk. I don't know how this guy's mannerisms are, the way he carries himself. But Joaquin felt like he was still kind of a little bit in that Joker play. Not necessarily a bad thing. It kept things interesting, but I'm not so sure how accurate it is. Vanessa Kirby, she's always solid. I love Vanessa Kirby. Easy on the eyes, easy on the ears, just an all-around full-package deal. She's great in this. Another negative for me is the film, you know, it's linear. It doesn't really jump around, yet I didn't feel like I really got a good grasp of Napoleon as a father, as a, you know, an individual, as a, well, I guess I understood him as a lover, which isn't ideal. He seems to really be having a hard time in the bed and that's probably, you know, a reason why he couldn't sire a child for so long. His wife was having a hard time with that. And, you know, he's just kind of an asshole all around. It's pretty much the takeaway I get from this, dude. Just not a good individual. Visually, this is a good-looking movie. It's really Scott. This guy knows his way around the camera. Okay, some really grandiose shots on the battlefield. Some, there's nothing patriot levels of excellence though. I never found the spectacle to be Mel Gibson running with an American flag and stabbing it through a villain levels of cool. There's no cannonballs blowing through dude's legs. However, there is a freaking awesome sequence that takes place in the winter snow, on the ice. Horses are going through. Soldiers are getting freaking decapitated. It is epic. It's pretty awesome stuff to watch. And that sequence, really, we needed like one more of those. The final battle, it's pretty long, but it's honestly not that engaging. It's not that interesting. It's just kind of a drawn out paint by numbers battle. I was a little disappointed by that. However, there is some very big grandiose shots that are definitely screaming to be seen on the IMAX. I just don't have the confidence to say run out and spend $18 to watch this on the IMAX because the narrative is not the most compelling. There's nothing there that's really dramatic. There's not anything that's really sad or that exciting. It's just a very well made, competently acted, competently written, you know, piece of history kind of. It's a weird movie. It's a weird movie, I guess is the takeaway for me. Not bad, not great, just kind of in the middle. So I guess it's a little hard because if you want something big and bombastic, it provides that. There is scale there for sure that would be great on the big screen, but there's so much other stuff where it's just kind of talking, negotiating, you know, setting up a coup, betrayal, deceit, that stuff could all be watched at home, especially if you have a nice set up there already. A lot of people do. A lot of people have a 75 inch, 85 inch TV with surround sound. I think that that's perfectly adequate to watch this movie. I wouldn't say rush out and see it unless you truly are into the wartime history stuff you like comparing and contrasting what actually happened with what's being presented on the screen. You might find some value in that. Not a bad flick, just nothing I would say like greatest of the year by any means, by any stretch of the imagination. All right, that's my thoughts. I hope you had a good time listening to me ramble on about it, please hit the subscription button if you haven't, the subscribe. It's free, it's easy, it's free. You just do it right now and it's done. You walk away, you don't have to think about it again. If you really like what I'm doing, you can put extra effort in, hit the like button, become a member on Patreon via patreon.com slash adamdoesmovies, show your support there. There's different tier levels. The same with YouTube, there's a join button. You can click that as well. If you really want to show thanks really quickly but don't want to sign up for a membership, there's actually a super thanks button on every single video. You just hit super thanks and you can just throw a couple bucks at me. You get your name featured in the comments. It's a really nice way to say hey Adam, love what you're doing, here you go. Merry Christmas, happy Thanksgiving. Whatever. All right, those are my thoughts. If you saw this film, let me know in the comments and we'll talk about it. All right, take care.