 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan Astley of Jonathan Astley dot com and I'm so excited to be doing this live Stream for you today our topic the six deep questions to ask a guy to build attraction You got to start with these six. Well, you don't actually have to start with these six But these are six good ones. So all right really quickly if you're new to my YouTube channel Please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new content And if during the course of this video, I share something that resonates with you Please hit that like button Okay, very quickly for those that are joining me live or those listening to the recording I do the content bit first then I take questions. So Play right now, I'm going to cover the content first and then we're going to go to questions. Okay, so let's talk about What kind of questions you should ask a guy? Quite frankly before you ever give your heart to another human being You know, it fascinates me that men and women do actually a relatively terrible job Interacting in the dating process. They really do a terrible job. And how do I know this? Because tonight's friday night There's probably going to be hundreds of thousands of first dates throughout the world or at least here in the united states and Significant number of them will never get to a second date And even a significant number of those second dates don't make it to a third date And even a significant number of those third dates don't turn into a lasting relationship And one of the reasons is is most human beings these days date on a very surface level very surface level I mean and let's face it the dating apps You know kind of perpetuate this You know like when when you swipe someone and they've swiped you and whether a woman reaches out first or the guy reaches out first And their best first line is high Like really that's the best thing you can say now I know if you're walking up to a total stranger At a nightclub the first thing you might say to someone is hi or you might say hi My name is jonathan or something like that But here in the dating world, you know when you've got a dating app or a dating profile There's a lot of data listed there. There are things you can draw upon to start a conversation And yet most people do a terrible job at that now. I'm not saying all but most okay, but as we progress further I've noticed that one of the things that women do poorly at Is asking really good questions because you've been many of you've been told that asking questions might sound like an Interrogation or an interview. Let me refrain that most people say well if you ask questions, that's an interview Well, I want to get real here Dating is an interview process. That's what dating is the purpose of dating Is not to have a good time the purpose of dating is decide if you want to explore a relationship with someone And the purpose of a relationship is to decide if you want to explore a long-term commitment with someone These are the purposes of it. So if you want to really build a deeper richer foundation of trust connection and attraction Then let's go beyond the surface of hey, how's your day? Oh, how's your day? I hope you have a beautiful day I really do hope you have a great weekend. Hey, have a great weekend. Hey, are you doing anything fun this weekend? Like really like that's the best you know And I want to share with you all something, you know, like I have a meme I save on my phone here I'm going to pull it up real quick. Where are my favorites? Uh Bear with me Where do favorites show up? Oh, here we go. So this is one of my favorite memes. It says I hate small talk I want to talk about atoms death alien sex magic intellect the meaning of life Fall away galaxies music that makes you feel different memories that the lies you've told um Your flaws your favorite saint your childhood what keeps you up at night your insecurity and fears I like people with depth who speak with emotion from a twisted mind. I don't want to know what's up Okay, so while I share this with you is I want to encourage a deeper approach to the dating process instead of things like this You like sushi. Wow me too You like stand-up paddle boarding. Oh my god. I do it every weekend You like the rolling stones? I've seen them in concert five times. Wow. We must be so compatible with one another You know, this is just simply what I I call as familiarity or areas of where we have similarities with another Have you have you ever had that where you went on a date where you felt like you were so similar? But all it was is you just had these familiar things But you really didn't have the deeper connection of shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity If that's ever happened you please hit that like button so I can know right now and By the way, when you do hit the like this gets shared Oh really quickly. Um since my audio had messed up last time. I'm trying a microphone right now Let me know if the audio is okay by reporting it in the chat box. Okay, so let's jump into those six deep questions You want to ask a guy? And then I've got something to share right after that. So let me put on my trusty glasses and number one What's the one thing you're most passionate about? What's the one thing you're most passionate about by the way ladies This is whether it's a woman asking a man or a man asking a woman. I love this question because Let's face it having passion in our life having purpose having something that that drives us Or at least brings us joy is something worth celebrating So when someone says what's what's something? What's one thing that you're very passionate about? I know for me, it would most likely be amongst other things would be my son I would share that and why that's so important is giving a person an opportunity to share what's Passionate for them in their life gives you a sense of what brings them joy What brings them joy? This is so much better than the surface questions Like what kind of car you drive or what do you do for a living? Not that that's not a bad question to ask what you do for a living, but I want us to go deeper And in sales they teach their several techniques of called mirror and matching mirror and matching And also what's called drilling down drilling down And why I say this about sales is one of the things you have to become in the dating process is a good sales person And what I mean to say is a You're selling yourself to some degree But also a good sales person knows how to qualify a prospect They know how to qualify a prospect and what I mean to say is assess if this person is worth investing in Does this resonate with you? Please let me know hit that like button So what I love about the passionate question is that it allows you to go deeper than the surface that most people do And these six questions are going to be really fantastic questions to ask Okay. Now I want to say this some men Revel in the questions because they're narcissists So they love that you're asking them questions, but these men are very single focused They'll answer your question from a place of vanity But they won't come back and ask you the follow-up questions that go with it So that's one type of person Okay, then there's the weak, you know type of man who's afraid of his own shadow, which you're not going to want to Date him anyway He might you know share what's coming up, but he might be very vague. He might be very Reclusive in that sort of thing or if he's an avoidant personality. He's going to avoid questions as well So those needy and avoidant people Oftentimes struggle when it comes to asking questions I want to talk about those emotional grown-ups and let me just say this emotional maturity is weak in both men And women I can share with you that all these questions. I've asked a woman I've had so many occasions. I want to say well over 80 percent of the time The women don't follow up with the same questions with me It's me asking asking asking and they don't violent They don't they're not even inquisitive enough to ask me Juicy delicious deep questions And I got to tell you as a man who values emotional maturity And I mean I truly value emotional maturity that is the biggest turnoff when I've asked a woman a sincere deep question And she hasn't followed up with the same so again Emotionally mature people can lean into what I'm about to share egoic people will only focus on themselves and Avoidant personalities or anxious people are also avoidant as well or they might Ramble the anxious person might ramble on ramble on ramble on but they all care about themselves as well Is this resonating with you? Please let me know by hitting that like button. All right. Let's get into the second one here And that is oh, I love this. What's your greatest professional accomplishment so far? What's your greatest professional compliment so far? Um Oh the sound is bit grainy on my end. However, I can hear and understand you. Okay. Thanks for letting me know I did not know that I've got this new microphone. So I'm hoping that it works. Well Okay, so what's your greatest accomplishment men like to brag About their accomplishments in their professional life. I know for myself one of my greatest accomplishments Is the book that I wrote what the heck is self love anyway? From a professional standpoint what I'm so proud of is this was a number one bestseller on amazon In fact, by the way, if you want to grab a copy, there's a link below right there so I'm asking someone their professional accomplishments men are tend to be more driven by their Professional accomplishments by their career. We tend to identify ourselves with our career So this is a really good question that allows you to build deeper connection And if you follow up like a follow-up question might be jonathan what you do for your living your dating and relationship coach great What inspired you to do that? Remember? I talked about drilling down by asking what inspired someone why they do what they do Is a great question to allow them to elaborate But as I said before Anyone who hyper focuses on talking about themselves and they're not doing the same Oftentimes lacks a sense of emotional maturity because an emotional grown-up understand that communication is a dance It's a back and forth. It's a ping-pong game. It's not one-sided So if you're doing all the question asking now we could chalk it up to someone being nervous But you know what? That's bullshit to me. You know you look at we're grown-ups now We've been around if you've been around the block enough times and you've gone enough dates come on This nervousness. I mean, I know some people feel that way and I get it But that oftentimes is a reflection of their inability to lean into relationship as well So i'm saying dive in don't be nervous take the plunge. Just enjoy the process And lean in with some fun and some curiosity. Let me repeat that lean in with some fun and curiosity Is this sinking in I hope so By the way, the light is making me sweat like you can't believe I will have underarm stains. I am so embarrassed Okay, number three Which uh, do you have a favorite book and why do you have a favorite book and why I love this question Because what a person reads gives you insight into how they think how they operate Um How they view the world they can speak volumes. I'll share with you my dating app for example um, here's my bumble app And I'm sharing this with you because I want to give you some perspective Is one of the pictures on my profile Look at that is a stack of books is a stack of books. Do you see that? All the way from shut up stop lining get a life the uncommon bond the queen's code understand men now Uh chatting or cheating the hoffman process nonviolent communication the untethered soul I I share this because and I get a lot of great compliments on my dating profile because it gives a personal reflection of what am I into being curious and and at finding out what someone reads Speaks volume to their level of depth and growth Speaks level to their depth and growth. So one of my favorite books happens to be where is it? Right here is the untethered soul by michael singer the untethered soul by michael singer And if you ask me why because this book teaches you how to talk to the voices in your head Let me repeat that this book teaches you how to talk to the voices in your head So I really encourage you all to not only get this book, but to ask these deeper questions When you're dating let's go beyond the surface I want to know about atoms and galaxies and and death and aliens and things that make you scared at night. Okay All right, let's get to the fourth one And I said this was going to be a little bit weird because the question is tell me something weird about you Tell me something weird about you now for those who know my work and follow my work Know that I'm a big fan of the movie when harry met sally when harry met sally And sally were played by meg rime was quite unique. In fact, she had a unique way of ordering food It was quite weird, you know everything had to be on the side and she would order in such a way that the chef Didn't even know it was possible But what's so great about Sally and harry is at the end of the movie he says I love it that it takes you an hour and a half to order a ham sandwich. I love it that you think 71 degrees is cold I love it that you're the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning your last person I think of when I go to bed and when I realize I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you I read we're here to tell you ladies and gentlemen. We don't fall in love with the perfection of the person We actually fall in love with those unique cracks in a person those things that make them weird I shared the story often of someone who I cared about deeply that she would always yelp every restaurant before we go out It used to drive me nuts, but when we ended the relationship. I found myself yelping Every restaurant that I went out to because I thought it was weird at first But ultimately that's one of the things I loved about her So ask someone to tell you what's weird. So I'm going to share with everybody something weird about me I invite you to post something weird about yourself whether in the comments or in the live chat But those who know me know I can't stand condiments. I literally am grossed out by condiments primarily for ketchup mustard mayonnaise and relish. I am so grossed out that Now most high-end restaurants don't have them sitting at the table But when you go to a coffee shop type of place, it's there And I literally have to ask the waiter waitress to remove it or I'm going to throw up I am just grossed out by it. So that's something weird about myself. I invite you to share something weird about yourself as well And do so in the live chat or in the comments because it is our weirdness that actually bonds us with another human being Okay, the fifth deep question you can ask a guy to build attraction and I love this one Can you think of the most romantic thing you've ever done for a woman and how did she feel about it? Can you think of the most romantic thing you've done for a woman and how'd she feel about it now? This might send scare some guys But I think this is a great question because if a guy can express His romantic side and what he's done in a past relationship in a positive light You know, sadly when we ask questions about past relationships, you hear such negativity Negativity fact you oftentimes see a lot of blaming. They're always blaming the other person For the demise of the relationship instead of taking ownership and I love this question. What's the most romantic thing? You know, you've ever done for a woman and by the way ladies you can do this Guy can ask you the same question. What's the most romantic thing? But today we're going to ask okay I'm going to ask you to post a comment on what's the most romantic thing a guy has ever done for you Posted in the comments or post it in the live chat. Okay All right, we'll be taking questions in just a second and our sixth and final thing and by the way There are hundreds of deep questions. I just came up with six for today. I'll do another video again And we're going to wrap up with Do you have any fears when it comes to love and relationship? Do you have any fears when it comes to love and relationship? Now you might be wondering while jonathan, how does this build deep attraction or how's this build attraction? This is more about building intimacy when someone can actually share their fears around love and relationships It actually creates an opportunity to bond with another person at a deeper more intimate level So I love this question What's your fears around love and relationship to really expand the greater conversation than what do you like sushi? Me too. Do you like stand-up paddle board my favorite sport? Do you like the rolling stones? Let's go see them in concert. Come on. Let's get beyond the surface here And let's start going deeper when we're meeting people on the second third or fourth date and start going Beyond the surface and really get to know a human being from the inside out Is this sinking in is this resonating with you? Please let me know by hitting that like button All right, so just to recap The six questions deep questions to ask number one What's the one thing you're most passionate about and by the way, there can be way more than one Number two, what's your greatest professional accomplishment? Number three, do you have a favorite book and why? Number four, tell me something weird about you Number five, can you think of the most romantic thing you've ever done for a woman and how'd she feel about it? And lastly, do you have any fears when it comes to love and relationships? And by the way, yes, sushi is a cool thing for those that comment about it All right, we're gonna take questions in a second But before we do I have a tiny little comment to make Really quickly to post a question write the word question and post it buy a super sticker and write the question in the super sticker Or buy a super chat And post the question in there, but it's time for the q&a and yes, I'm amazing I just hit 29 000 subscribers today really quickly before I get into the q&a. I have a little disclaimer My coaching is called heart centered radical honesty It's direct a little tough love and a lot of heart. I think of myself like your big brother Ideally, I wish I could be there for you when a guy is taking you out on a first date So I could be there with the shotgun and say what are your intentions with my sister or the way a father might do that Now really quickly Um Occasionally, I'm not a doctor. I'm not a therapist. There's no certification for what I do after in the course of this If I feel like someone needs medical treatment I actually refer them because I'm a big proponent of seeking medical attention from a therapeutic perspective from a psychotherapy perspective If they have deep wounds, so I'm a big proponent of people going out and doing work Okay, and lastly, I occasionally use Explotives to enhance the sentence and I tend to yell this is not yelling to offend anyone This is just my style of communicating this way It's also much like the way a child is about to touch fire with their finger I'm yelling to encourage everyone to stop doing behavior That doesn't really benefit or serve them. Okay. If this is sinking in, please hit that like button. All right Do we have any questions? Let's take a look at the board Um Please post a question This is the best part. Come on everyone stop being bashful Well, someone's ready to post a question write the word question and the question thereafter I want to share with you two stories One happens to be from a client of mine who got married last year during covid I do see a question that's come up. So I'll grab that in the second leaf. Um She's now happily married to a great guy and I remember during the dating process One of the things she noticed Was this relationship was relatively easy everything about it the conversation flowed easily the way they blended lives together was easy Everything about it was relatively easy. There wasn't a lot of friction And I don't mean that a relationship isn't going to have friction, but it flowed with ease Now I want to share with you a story that I I got a call from a woman this week who is in a Five or six year marriage. She's known her guy for For seven years and she's unhappy and wants to get a divorce And it's been quite frankly She said from the very beginning something was off, but she went against her better judgment There were so many red flags, but she went to get some better judgment Ladies if you're tired of making the wrong choices if you're tired of picking men who are emotionally immature And not ready for a serious deep relationship Then do me a favor check out a link to a free discovery call with me because my area of expertise Is teaching you how to vet for emotionally available men So you don't end up like this person who has a child with them and it's just miserable And she knew it literally on the very first month they were dating But she went against her better judgment. We have to be stronger in our judgments because quite frankly We only get one chance at this You know thing called life. I mean not from a spiritual perspective from from a human perspective Let's make it count. Let's do the best we can can we agree to that? All right I hope that helped. Let me check out. We did get a super sticker So Stephanie. Hey, thank you so much. Stephanie. That's very sweet of you Um, all right, you write how much wood does a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood Just kidding. Just wanted to send a little cash and love your way since I finally were able to catch you live That is so sweet. She just bought a super sticker for $49.99. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Most and by the way, uh, everyone youtube does take a cut of this But I do say this most uh, my goal with all the super sticker chat and money that come in Is going to go help to create a foundation. I'm working on I'm actually looking into it with an attorney right now for my son Connor who passed away In honor of connor. Um, I'm thinking about calling it salty something I don't know it's got it has to have salty in it because everyone who knows connor knows his nickname was salty So I just want to thank you Stephanie for your generosity. All right. Let's take a look at something leaf writes um Okay, she was writing to someone else Mia writes, how do you tell a guy you've been wanting to date for over a year that you want to date him Love this question. How do you tell a guy you've been wanting to date for over a year that you want to date him? Well, first off, I think let's let's take out the word date And let's replace it with get to know him better from a romantic perspective. How about that? We replace the word dating and replace it with getting to know each other better from a romantic perspective And there's something really simple you can do And you can say something like this. Hey tim Yeah, I really like you and I'd like to take you out for a cup of coffee Are you free Tuesday or thursday at three or are you free at three o'clock or five o'clock? Just ask him out. Why is there why does there have to be so much pressure? Why does it always have to be men have to be doing this legs? Let me tell you something this old narrative that men are are so preconditioned to be the provider and protector and because they tend to be the ones who do the asking for marriage That they're the drivers of the bus. Let me just tell you this Why was the number one search term for most women centered around why are men commitment phobic? Why do men pull away? Why do men you know disappear and ghost? Ladies you are in charge of your relationship destiny So if you want to create a connection with someone just ask him out It's not going to make his penis shrivel up and he's going to be a masculine because you did the asking I'm so tired of this bullshit rhetoric that all of a sudden guys penises shrink And they get emasculated by women simply saying hey, let's get together and get to know one another And by the way, I did have one woman say to me on a first day She said If you asked me out Again, I'd say yes So she gave the green light. She said hey, if you asked me out again, I would say yes I mean, so this was on a first date, but at least she gave the indication. She liked me or you could simply say to a guy I like you. I like you That's it. So you have to say now if he doesn't reciprocate in kind He might he might it might you might catch him off guard and that might happen Okay, but guess what if he doesn't reciprocate in kind, that's okay At least you were in your empowered effort and you made the effort yourself. Is this sitting in is this resonating? Please let me know. Okay. Well, I burp, okay mm By the way, Mia, I highly recommend checking out the book if the Buddha dated if the Buddha dated I love this book because it takes out expectations in the dating processes and it replaces it with love Let me repeat that we take out the gender expectation that the penis is supposed to do this and the vagina is supposed to do that Because it's societal rules say that's what's supposed to happen. Let's take out The gender biology and let's get to the heart because at the end of the day our hearts are very much the same Okay, it's red blood that coils goes through our veins and every human wants to connect at an emotional level So let's throw out the expectations and let's focus on the heart and that's my suggestion for you Is that helping? I hope it does. All right And let's see Natasha. Okay. Kelly right. Oh, we got a bunch of questions We fight I'd like to know why YouTube stopped me from being able to get to the final purchase step on any video if anyone knows I don't okay. I don't sorry that um Question can I tweak the the question the most romantic thing you've ever done for a woman? How'd she like it to where? To where it asks the most romantic thing he's done for me and get to say how much I love him for it Okay, so let me just say why I like asking that question It allows a guy to boast a little bit about how he Operates in relationships as it gives them an opportunity and a boast since you're brand new to dating this this deep question to build Attraction is the beginning stage of dating you can't really ask about the most romantic thing He's done for you and I would not ever ask him What's the most romantic thing you would do for me because that's an expectation based way of asking a question So by asking the question the way I laid it out earlier and allows him to boast about how he is as a boyfriend And that's why I like the question Okay, Kelly. Hey, Kelly. Give by the way Kelly. Hi. I just want to say I love your golf swing Kelly writes what if a guy is very vague about his past relationships and will only reveal a few details About a couple of them. Is it healthier to not discuss every relationship in one's past? Okay Now we have two questions here I don't believe you have to talk about every relationship, but let me tell you why it's important to talk about past relationships It's not the content that you're listening for Well, well, let me backtrack it is the it's not about knowing the details of his past It's really asking this question is to pay attention Is he acting like a victim of his past relationships? Or does he act like a victor and excuse my wet arm stain it stains It's I gotta switch the lighting. It's just very hot Okay, if he gets defensive if he tries to avoid talking about our past relationships is a great indicator For how emotionally mature a person is not so much by the the details of their past relationship But how have they processed and how have they healed? So if someone had a traumatic past relationship, everyone, please write this down if you're watching the replays pause this and write this down How did you heal from that past relationship or what did you learn about yourself in that past relationship? These are very telling questions to ask a guide This builds deeper connection for the emotionally mature guy and for the emotionally immature guy He is going to run as fast as he can for the avoidant man He's going to run away from these questions And why you want him to run away because if a guy runs away, he can't lean into deeper intimacy If a person can't show up as an emotional grown-up in relationship They these people become very problematic just like that that woman I shared with you Who called me up frantically? Because she's happy in her marriage and she said literally that answers were all there because he basically operated from victim consciousness Here in the united states. We are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness We are suckling at it so many human beings don't take ownership for their part So why asking questions and if someone deflects or gets angry upset That's not a red flag. That's a deal breaker one as fast as you can because that person is going to be a problematic person To be in relationship. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know by hitting that like button and hit the like buttons, please Okay, um, thank you kelly for your question. Hey, let's do a trivia question right now from movie quiz really quickly In which film does julia roberts play shelby Eatonton What oh, shit. I can't even think of how to pronounce the last name Well, we'll just say who did sure julia roberts plays shelby in what movie? Let's see who gets that right in the movie trivia question. All right. Let's get natash's question now Question hanging out with a 50 year old guy. I'm 46 for six weeks one or two times per week He compliments me helpful great conversation cares about my feeling yet still no kisses Have been tactile and smiles I don't know what's hating natasha then then smack a kiss on his lips because I I know that i'm trying to kiss a woman on the first date. I mean if i'm attracted to a person I'm trying or at least I want some a little kiss at the end of the first date But certainly if we haven't gotten to the second date and we haven't kissed Um, maybe this guy doesn't have much of a libido or sex drive. I don't know But if you want to if you want to kiss smack a lip Smack your lips on his lips and kiss them and then see what happens because most people will tell you They can tell a lot about a person from a first kiss So to me that's a very important thing six weeks in 12 times being together you should be kissing. Um Or it's just a platonic relationship and maybe that's what it is to him. Maybe he sees it as a uh platonic relationship So by initiating you can get a better sense of what's going to happen or at least initiate a conversation and talk about it Ladies we have to stop being afraid to have conversations wins with men. This Rosenberg. Please get this book This is such an important book to get to learn. It should be called command compassionate communication And that's what I want to encourage everyone to do is to have more compassionate communication all right, um Let's see. I thought I saw another sticker, but I guess not Yes, the answer is steel magnolia is not mystic pizza. It was steel magnolias Okay, if you have a question write the word question or buy a super sticker and a super chat and I'd be so grateful Okay, kelly says very helpful answer. Thank you working on the swing. Yes, Heather for a few hours He has not been intimate informed. Okay. Let me clarify pandemonium. Are you saying? The connection is off. I don't All right, it looks like we're having problems. I guess we're going to have to wrap up today everyone Thank you so much for joining in my live stream today. Thank you so much for joining in my live stream today I hope you find value in the content that I share Um, this is one of my pros in it a little bit crass at times I yell at times, but it's all just to wake people up because my goal is to shift perspective First and foremost to have everybody love on themselves. I'm a big proponent of self love because when you love on yourself When you love on yourself, it doesn't matter whether or not you're in a happy relationship with a man because the most important relationship You'll ever have is the relationship with yourself. And that's what I want to encourage everyone to be again I'm sorry for the technical difficulties. I'm hoping that this will be fixed next time in the meantime I'm going to wrap this up live stream as I always do first off giving myself a big