 I'm Crystal. I know a lot of you out there are mothers or maybe you have everybody has a mother so if you have been a mother you have a mother you want to be a mother well today we're going to talk about motherhood but in what way I know there's vast amounts of areas and it's just like oh god yeah what's what's so interesting about talking about moms well maybe and maybe not today we are going to come here and talk about that in fact we have my mom here and we're going to join by another mom later to talk about what it means to be a mom today and why it seems to be a little bit harder than it used to be before I mean ironically with the technology and the conveniences of today's society why why is it harder now let's hear it from the moms so welcome to our show so I'm going to introduce our first guest today David Key did I pronounce that right yes okay David Key uh Goodman is that your full name Robinson Robinson good my full name stream on t david kiosk you may flower Goodman Robinson but david keys just fine I love it that's great it says a lot about you already and your little one let's make it this is jenny's tomb this is camuel camuel what an interesting name camuel skywise jay freeman we like a lot of names uh-huh right okay well that's great because there's a lot to talk about today and there are lots of hats we wear as women today yes yeah so let's refer back to your involvement with the fringe festival a few weeks ago um there was a piece that I unfortunately missed about motherhood which I heard was outrageously amazingly stimulating let's hear a little bit about it and your involvement with it so my part in the show was doing a co monologue about giving birth and the point of the the particular co monologue the other mom was talking about her birth story in the hospital versus my birth story in the um in the home I had a home birth oh wow yes not in a bathtub or anything just like a okay yeah um just a regular birth you had somebody come in and you did that on the bed did you have it on or on the did you squat like yeah really yeah that type of breath cool it was very awesome and I would hope to well I'd like to have another and I would do it the same way why I just like being a funny really comfortable you know what you're doing out there don't you yeah is he like that at home all the time it's the is it the I don't want to say terrible too but it's it that rebellious too that that just defies everything and knows how to get the attention yes yes he just turned to excellent oh okay so um but this is brilliant because this is exactly what we moms have to deal with and a lot of people don't who don't have kids or don't have the patients or forget what it's like to be a mom or to have kids around they go just take them away you know and it's it's that multitasking it's the fact that we don't know what's going to happen next and how we have to deal with that yes it is one of the biggest challenges is is having what we're going to do with that yeah having him in places that aren't designed to have small children yeah is a really big challenge even if it's just a friend's home who doesn't have kids right uh oh you're going to do that are you going to pour it over that go on and how do you deal with it when you're doing rehearsing rehearsing for the play how did you deal with it would you have your baby with you well it was all mom so we all brought babies oh that's right okay beautiful in fact I saw one show it was a dance piece where they brought a baby into the dance performance which was beautiful yes yeah it was really really nice yeah um so do you think do you agree with my opening premise that um moms today do have it harder than before I do agree why because the lifestyle and culture of our modern society yeah is more focused on nuclear families and I think perhaps that's different for a lot of people in Hawaii but not for me and so I don't have much family that's close and I think they would step in and help out in ways that people who aren't actually related to me don't I think that's a very good point I mean it's kind of it's just so crazy that the more modern and contemporary are the more we're just consumed with our own small little lives and the old concept of a village and and having relatives and sisters and brothers and everyone around to help out is kind of a lost art if I had a nickel for every time I wished for a village where is your family now most of them are well they're kind of spread out yeah right yeah big island california Ohio yeah but even if they were together you know there's not that whole family unity as it used to be without them actually living on the same property right it's they'd be caught up in their lives and absolutely they would still be more available for you know like my mom was here just to have a sitter once in a while more often than you know otherwise do you have a good relationship with your mom I think so it's it's it's somewhere in the middle do you think that having had your child it affected your relationship with your mom like did you see her in a different light and you gained a new respect for her absolutely okay and also for her love for me right because thinking about how I love him and thinking oh my god my mom feels that way about me as she said she still does and so it's like wow she loves me a lot and you cannot feel that way until you actually have your own and it never goes away this motherhood concept I think I mean it's hard for you to foreshadow 20 years from now because you like can't even get out of today's you know mess um but you know when he becomes an adult and he has a child and your relationship with him at that time you know can you even fathom that nope are you so muddled in today's mess or chaos in his world that you cannot even think of other things that you want to do right now most of the time I I mean thinking about what I need a priority because no one else will you know you sound like you really don't have any help or support why oh let's oh no his dad is really really helpful okay okay all right but I work three days a week and he works the other four and we trade yeah wow so this lucky guy gets to be with one of us every day yeah well I mean that there's a trade-off right I mean the people who do work and and want to have put their little kitties in daycare and what does that do with the relationship because you mentioned in your email how it affects you said that even you're the stress you have sometimes affects how you feed him or how he senses your yes he can absolutely feel if I'm rushed and impatient come here honey put your car up here yeah do you want to sit on the other leg where do you want to have some water look look look see see you always have to have that um yeah so how do you feel about these distractions in your life sometimes it's really really frustrating yeah almost not a daily basis yeah yeah but it really it just really challenges me to have you ever lost it in a way that you feel like it's just oh my god why why be a mother a couple times yeah yes yeah and what do you usually do to kind of regain yourself you do have a little bit do you have an outlet do you have something that you can do where any moms out there are looking at you and looking at your beautiful child going oh my god i'm so glad i'm not there you know he's so cute yeah nothing pops to mind she's kind of in the moment well you seem pretty chilled yeah so you must have ways to channel like if there are tips for moms out there who really lose it all the time because they don't have the patience to deal with a toddler who's going to defy every single thing what do you do i make an attempt to meditate daily ah see okay yes that's it that is why you are so zen you do you have a very calm energy even if it's as i'm lying in bed falling asleep whoa it was bound to happen as the water spilled all over your lap okay here you go so you're saying you do meditation before you go to sleep not when you wake up i'm challenged with waking up earlier oh that's another thing so sleep deprived moms all right that's a huge topic there how do you deal with that i mean just interrupt does he sleep with you does he wake up with me he still wakes up um he's still nursing oh wow okay what's the you know breast milk how does stress affect breast milk do you think there's a correlation i i'm i probably looked it up but if i remember correctly though some of those stress hormones do you get into the milk they do don't think yes wow so it's not good no no so that's why the meditation and you need the rest i mean there's just so many things like i never had enough breast milk and my mom would blame me because for for running around too much and being too active because you're supposed to sit and be still and let your body do what it's supposed to do yes but there's no way you can do that no i really what i wonder about is moms who have more than one child uh huh like how do they do it yeah or like twins how do you breastfeed both of them or you maybe that's more convenient i don't know my sister has twins it doesn't sound more convenient yeah it sounds less convenient well okay so maybe i can vouch for myself is that once you have more than one you start juggling things and by the time you have number three we don't care you're just like whatever i don't want to know so that's the trick just don't care about anything that's right cereal on the floor let it be yeah so first one you go oh you're not allowed to do that you can't have candy blah blah blah second one the older one's going to give it to the second one anyway so it's like okay third one screw it just let them do just don't tell me just let me sleep you know it's kind of funny so it's a default plan like you just kind of forget just don't want to deal with it i don't know i mean right now you're you're consumed by this one because it's your only child yes but then when you have to juggle a little bit more you might be putting your efforts in different ways right and what about your life i mean how do you feel like that's taken away from your work or what you want to do as a woman oh all i had to do was give up my you know my personal freedom and my personal desires that's all oh yeah so you just as a mom just expect us to be prepared to have no life then you're fine for a while what's a while two years in county okay it's not a hundred percent no giving up everything but it's a lot and i think you divided into different phases so we're talking toddler phase or the first five six years of a child's life you really need to be there for them and then when they're in school you don't have to do as much but again for me as being a mother of teenage kids now it's almost worse now psychologically okay i feel like okay i don't have to clean about to their mess but there's more mess in here and i'm just warning you i'm glad you're warning yeah yeah it's a different kind of mess yeah and that's why i'm saying motherhood is just an ending okay but there's a beauty of it right and so but ultimately i find that all of those sacrifices are worth it because the fulfillment i get from motherhood yes far outweighs it absolutely and so that continues throughout the different stages yes what it sounds like absolutely no no doubt i mean we're gonna end on that high note because it is i mean why are we talking about it because there's so much to be blessed by but we will need to kind of break it down into a why it's like that and look see you've got to deal with stuff like that all right so quick quick break go pee go go pee and we'll be back and we'll talk okay we're gonna chill out and talk again about motherhood it's me angus mctec wishing you to welcome and join us to see us on hibachi talk on think tech hawaii join my co-hosts go to the techs app and enter the security guy every friday from 1300 to 1345 we look forward to see it we'll talk tech and we'll have some weeb and a fun and remember let your wing gang free wherever you be aloha aloha i'm carl campania host of think tech hawaii's movers shakers and reformers i hope you join us over the next several weeks as we take a deep dive into biofuels in hawaii and explore the alternative fuels supply chain necessary for the local and global transition towards transportation fuel sustainability join us as we have good conversations with our farmers our producers our conversion technologies our investors and our legislators as we try to achieve our transportation sustainability goals see you soon thank you for watching think tech i'm grace chang the new host for global connections you can find me here live every thursday at one p.m where we'll be talking to people around the islands or visiting the islands who are connected in various aspects of global affairs so please tune in and aloha and thanks for watching welcome back to kwak right i'm just gonna focus now and leave something to kind of wander because as mothers you don't you never put anything down 100 percent you're always constantly juggling things that around you and and when shit hit the fan you just got to deal with it right you can't just say i'm gonna go to work now i'm gonna go to sleep no shutting off right davaki hear me with me um continuing our talk about motherhood and and the crazy stuff we have to deal with i want to just talk a little bit about a social issue um i just read a disturbing news article uh this morning that in arkansas they passed a new law that husbands can sue their wives for abortions it's just kind of a little bit crazy but i don't know what your stance is on abortion to begin with they're specifically talking about this i can't even say it without cringing it's called dismemberment abortion which means an abortion in the second trimester i think so yeah i know so that's pretty gruesome but the fact that they have these laws and then going back to how we women believe that we own our bodies and we should have our own choices and how we deal with it what do you feel about that and where things are going now in terms of women empowerment and whether this is a step forward or backwards to it i disagree with that law yes um i mean details it might not have been a mutual choice to attempt to have a pregnancy right right and it's definitely not going to help the marital relationship to have a lot of sake yeah and i also think that being mentally wanting to have a child makes it way way better because of all of those sacrifices right and i can i mean i'm not going to mention anyone in particular but i know a person who had a kid and didn't want and they did it because of family pressure to do so and giving an abortion no no they had they had the baby and it was their second child and the woman didn't want to have the baby and it's like oh right until teenage hood oh yeah there was still like a i don't know poor kid yeah yeah and people don't think about we'll talk about these things because they just assume all right you got into yourself in that mess and so you just deal with it um there's another kind of more absurd news article i mean this was i don't know second trimester i know it's kind of but unless there are some physical reasons some some right obviously there wouldn't be just just because she decided then to end it i don't agree either but um there's another um suing case which was uh in china this was a few years ago but it hit world news because this husband sued his wife because get this after she had her baby um her the the wife is gorgeous and the baby came out ugly did you hear about this no her because the baby didn't look like her and apparently it's because she had all this plastic surgery it was not real her face so i don't know does he have a right to sue her for deceiving him i want to say no oh god zerry what do you think you've heard of this case right i feel so bad for the kid i really do because now the kid knows that the dad is like oh you're so ugly please she should have let the dad know i think he was right i'm sorry wait so you're saying oh so you're saying that when you have a partner yes you have to kind of disclose everything about you i think so you know i think it's really important to be honest about who you are especially if it will directly affect the life of another yes or if it's going to affect the life of another but that's what i don't know i'm horrible suing somebody for that i don't know it yeah it's just kind of like so you don't love her for her true self it's the opposite of beauty and the beast right it's like she really was she wasn't expecting true love oh that's another thing though people marry for the wrong reasons right or have babies for the wrong reasons yes let's do it that way well thanks zerry for that i just think it's kind of like today our concept of marriage and babies is a little different from the old days it was much more simple than and you had the village right you had people to support you and it was everything yes i'm not sure when that was but at some point going back yeah yeah and you can afford to have a dozen kids because you have the village to help so now you only have like one or two because it's already overwhelming and it's too expensive right yep yeah so um what would you say you know did you see that movie the bad mom uh it was recent uh what's bad mom yes i did okay so did you i mean in a in a nutshell it's about these moms who decided to throw it up and say screw this we're gonna not to care about kids you guys take yourselves i'm not gonna be making breakfast for you blah blah blah do you see that did you identify with those feelings even though their kids were a little bit older i could understand where they were coming from yeah yeah and yes do you feel there's any need to do that sometimes yes have you just said take him i'm not gonna um yep absolutely ah it's like i can't deal with him right now uh i yeah it's happened a few times yeah but that's normal right yeah and that's good i think so and it's just so good for your partner to know that you don't need to have him 24 seven yeah oh i'm in a lucky unique position where my partner does have him yeah um three days a week for most of the day right so i feel like there is a lot more understanding on his end about what it's actually like to have him for hours and hours on end yeah yeah that it's just it's fun it's great it's amazing but it's also very tiring amazing that's amazing oh that just like the little touches we're talking about the blessings right yeah just those little little things they all they come all the time and that's what is amazing i mean we're talking about all the the pain that we have to deal with and trying to get them to not spill all over the table but at the same time it's amazing this birthing so what are some things that you would suggest or what do you see as the best things of motherhood that bring to you not just joy and fulfillment but bigger things like your perspective on life and all that having camille has definitely been the biggest catalyst to my own personal growth and development because i want the best for him and i know i need to be my best self to provide that and i'm i mean i'm not trying to stress myself out and become this perfect person but to just be to more focus on balance in my life and and um i think it's been really good for me to have to focus on someone else more ah good point well and then i was going to bring up your relationship with your partner how has a child affected your relationship obviously i did a topic recently about how you know sex when you have young kids is going to basically be thrown out the door i was really amazed how many new parents don't sleep in the same bed and i didn't find out until we had one but it's like most so you don't know and and like most of my friends who have young children don't sleep in the same bed so very interesting yeah but is it the guy's choice or your choice it's a mutual choice okay yeah i sleep with him he sleeps with a dog okay well all right so how do you how long do you think that's going to last for whether that's going to how that's going to change things don't know know but does that until we hit a bigger bed okay okay or until he gets his own bed yes but how does that put that relationship on on you too if you don't have that intimacy at night or whenever how does it affect your communication or the level of communication do you feel like something yes because that would normally be the time when i would chat his ear off about my day right right um it's definitely been challenging yeah there's more times than i feel comfortable with feeling distant um and it's and there's ups and downs with it there's times when it's better more combination like if he's feeling stressed about work and then there's these other things going on too and then it just amplifies yes yes that sense and do you feel like conversations end up always kind of reducing down to the baby and you can't talk about anything like life issues or anything outside yeah yeah yeah i mean that's just another sacrifice i guess in that time too right honey yeah it's like freaking the technician now like wow but that's again this is it a little baby running away doing things that you don't want them to do how do you deal with that in life how do you how do you sometimes people get mad yeah but i understand that too because and it's i really challenged that as well yeah um when to pull him back or rain him in isn't always apparent to me right until the situation has already happened and then it's like oh well i guess i shouldn't let that happen again well see then it's a learning curve for you to every day those new challenges are something that we are growing from right yes and i still want to go back to that whole concept of the play that was created for during the french festival i think it's brilliant that moms like you um got together to do something creative with the concept and physically with the baby i mean how cool is that to do art and and have them yes don't you think more people should do that yeah maybe so it like it would be fun to have something like the mommy monologues and have a whole lot of monologues oh yeah highlight the challenges in the the um wasn't there a scene when somebody was breastfeeding or it was basically sporting breast milk to the audience that's what i heard uh something like that there was there was a whole dance that was about pumping breast milk and right but then that might have been the one about breastfeeding in public and and having people oh my goodness how do you feel about that well i know it's legal to breastfeed anywhere that's public there are times when i feel more comfortable and less comfortable yeah for sure yeah so somebody's getting a little antsy here so maybe it's time to wrap up um well so uh with this again you know intention spans for everybody is very challenged when you have kids and they appreciate your brain it's good thing you didn't have any hands well don't throw that car okay um do you have any words of wisdom based on your challenge situation and respect to moms like you who have to juggle um a child and have a thought for yourself and being involved with things that are that bring you enjoyment what are some thoughts on how you can still find room to do things like that schedule it like it's actually important and like you anything that is truly important to you you schedule it and then you do it and you have to make yourself important enough to do that for yourself because you don't want to get down to empty because other people depend on you i mean that's a really cool little big thing you just said because if you don't feel important in yourself that reflects yes and the babies will feel that good point yeah absolutely yeah or for him he's a boy and if i don't feel important in myself he'll end up i don't know probably dating girls who don't feel important great point yes treating them like wow very good point and that's a perpetual thing it's a vibe sometimes you can't translate those feelings it's just like wow so i'm glad we had these conversations as distracted as he was you're a good kid high five no no no no all right so don't take no for an answer but be great mother enjoy your mothers and thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this thank you thank you