 Good morning everyone. It is such a pleasure to be here. I've been so blessed by our first couple sessions We heard in the session just before this how Victor March marks shared very very eloquently and very powerfully from the great Ephesians 5 Marriage passage it begins at verse 22 and it goes all the way to the end of the chapter and I can't Recommend to you enough that you should listen to what Victor shared it You should listen to it over and over again. You should listen to the teaching of your pastor I'm sure that pastor David Rosellis probably has one if not multiple excellent expositions on that marriage passage because that is the most Essential and core and needful area in the whole New Testament for understanding what a Christian marriage is and what God wants a Christian marriage to become Because that's really the vision that God has for us Don't satisfy yourself with surviving in your marriage, although I don't doubt for a moment that there's some couples here that that is your goal You're here because you want something to survive with and to keep it together And I don't even think that you should be satisfied with having a good marriage God wants you to have a big vision for what he can do in your married life And what he wants you to have is something more than a marriage that survives Something more than a marriage. It's even good. He wants you to have a genuinely Christian marriage and as I said before that Ephesians 5 passage explains it so powerfully But you know what comes before Ephesians 5? Ephesians 1 2 3 and 4 and What I'm going to talk to you about this morning is what Paul says all leading up to that amazing Ephesians 5 passage I don't need to talk to you about it Victor already spoke to us about it And there's good teaching that you can find from your pastor from other pastors on that passage But here's what I want you to understand it comes to us in this letter to the Ephesians and to all believers It comes to us sort of at the end of a whole bunch of instruction that guides us in our Christian life That is extremely relevant to the way that we live our married lives If you were to take a look just to scan over Ephesians chapters 1 2 and 3 what you would find As in Ephesians chapters 1 2 and 3 it is filled with such an amazing large heavenly vision of What God has given to the believer in Jesus Christ? It tells you who you are it tells you what God has called you to be it tells you about how you've been Predestined they've been elected how you've been adopted how you've been loved how you've been molded and shaped after God's beautiful Loving plan view it tells you all about what Jesus Christ has done in your life And then after those amazing chapters, but friends can I just say that that's a beginning place The best thing that you can do to become a better husband or a better wife is to become a better Christian And I don't think you become a better Christian by gritting your teeth and trying You become a better Christian by understanding that the best Christian who ever lived Jesus Christ himself He indwells you and he has poured so much into your life And he has given you so much as your inheritance as your property in him Now having received all that that's sort of a foundation that we move out from and then starting in Ephesians chapter 4 Paul now will tell the Ephesians and tell all of us how we should live this Christian life In light of all that Jesus has done for us in light of this amazing position. He gives us Adopted into his family. Can you even believe that he's adopted us into his family? He could have saved us and rescued us from hell without ever bringing us into his family But this is how much he loves us that he says I want to be close to you on a family level I'm not just gonna save you and rescue you're gonna be in my family So on top of and after all that now God says this is how I want you to live in light of that And so in the beginning part of Ephesians chapter 4 he says this that we should live humbly with servants hearts Recognizing the great unity of God's people Can you imagine how that would bless your marriage? There is not a single marriage that couldn't be blessed with a little more humility on the part of one or another or both How many times the arguments the strife the contention we have in married life it simply comes from pride From from arrogance from self-seeking From refusing to lay down our lives one for another so that when Paul says in Ephesians chapter 4 and talks just about humility It's not just for church life. It's not just for when you walk it. Oh, I'm at church. I got to act in a humble way He intended it for your home as well Then in Ephesians chapter 4 verses 7 through 16 He talks about living under the gifted offices that God has given his people Living under the apostolic influence and and what God does through prophets evangelists And in particular through pastors and teachers and that talks about being connected to the body of Christ For some of you the healthiest thing you could do for your marriage is to get more Connected to the body of Jesus Christ to his church here on earth Because you disconnected you're isolated. This one makes it so wonderful about you being here today This is what's so encouraging about you being here today. It's a demonstration of you crying out saying yes, Lord We're not just supposed to do it all on our own But you want us to be connected to this great big thing that you're doing And the next in Ephesians chapter 4 he tells us that we should live differently than those who are not Christians with regard to being truthful and being honest and in our Speech we should be loving and kind towards one another Think of how that would revolutionize your marriage. It's shameful to consider how husbands and wives Speak to one another in their homes Now I understand that not everybody here is a married couple Some of you are engaged perhaps some of you are just dating Maybe some of you you're just here because you feel like this is a teaching you need to hear today And and I'm just want you know I'm gonna speak to you as if you were all married couples If you're not then file it away and prepare yourself look I need to have this real in my marriage when I am married Friend, I hope you can say with all your heart That you speak to your wife that you speak to your husband in a way that brings God glory Do you use words and languages and tones of voice that would never be used inside this church building? If you try to use that kind of language inside this church building security would also you out But for some reason you think it's anything goes in the home You can speak in profane and vulgar and hurtful ways Maybe that's what you grew up with maybe you just thought that was normal Like Victor said before you watch media and movies television. You think that's just how people are It's not how a child of God needs to be I pray that God brings a great redemption Just in the way that we speak to one another Then coming on into Ephesians chapter 5 Paul carries on the very same practical way This is how you live in light of all that Jesus has done for you and he carries it on And I'm gonna read to you verses 1 through 7 and look I'm not gonna do any great in-depth Exposition of this. I don't believe I need to This is what I want to do I'm gonna read these verses and you're gonna look at it your Bible text and follow along and this is what's gonna be in your Mind you're gonna be thinking as we read this You're gonna be thinking how does this apply to my marriage? Not just my Christian life in general, but my marriage ready for this Therefore be imitators of God as dear children and walk in love as Christ also has loved us and given himself for us and offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling aroma But fornication and all Uncleanness or covetousness let it not even be named among you as is fitting for saints Neither filthiness nor foolish talking nor coarse-jesting which are not fitting but rather giving of thanks for this You know that no fornicator unclean person nor covetous man who isn't idolater Has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God Let no one deceive you with empty words for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience Therefore do not be partakers with them Walk in Isn't that a beautiful thing for your marriage? Of course it applies to congregational life. I'm not trying to exclude that from our life together as a body of believers Of course, it's there, but how much more so in our marriage? How much more should you look into the eyes of that husband or wife that God has given you and say it is the earnest desire of my heart to walk in Love together with you That's what we want to mark our relationship together is love That's what we want people to notice about us is the love that we have one for another But notice this in this very same context where Paul brings up walk in love as Christ has also loved us and given himself For us and offering a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling aroma now look at verse 3 But fornication and all uncleanness or covetous net it not even be named among you Does that have application to marriages today? Absolutely it does I'm gonna hold that thought and I'm gonna develop it a little bit more in the next section But we can be real together here this morning But let's let the game of let's pretend happen other times other places Fornication is sex outside of the marital bond It can refer to sex before marriage It also includes adultery because that's sex outside the marital bond and God says no Let it not even be named among you But if that word fornication wasn't broad enough and it's a pretty broad word in the ancient language He also brings up the word on the cleanness And how many things might be defined? Well, it's not technically fornication. You know what it's uncleanness You you may not technically have a Physical relationship with that image on the screen, but you tell me that that's not uncleanness You may not technically have a physical relationship with that Romance novel that you read and and all the projection you do and all the things you do in your heart and your mind in response to that But tell me that's not uncleanness You see how the two of them are coupled together there You see when we walk in love It's a different kind of life than that It's a different kind of life than the world lives And I know that the world is rushing headlong after those things more than ever ever before but we don't have to keep in step with the world And you realize what the world says back to us The world looks back at us with pleading eyes and tells us Please show me that I don't have to be this way The world cries out to us and says would you please show me an example of life where I do not have to be a Slave to my sexual desires, but rather I can be a servant of Jesus Christ Would you please show me something different than everything else around us? Look, I know that the disgusting celebrities of our day that they soak up all the airspace and get all the attention But increasingly people are sick of that and they want somebody to show them another way And I think I'm looking at a room full of just those people This is our call our responsibility Now again, what I want to say and I just want you to delight in this for a few moments This section chapter 5 verses 1 through 7 of Ephesians that I just read to you It's not specifically a marriage passage It's simply a Christian life passage, but isn't it remarkable how applicable it is to our marriages and This is what I just want to say. That's just a suggestion I'm not a great theologian or a great thinker or anything like that, but I'll just offer this one suggestion to you How about this the very best thing you could do in your marriage is be a Christian? Just start living like a Christian in your marriage. You know that person that you're married to Regard them as someone worthy of your Christian love and attention And this this is what Paul speaks is now are you ready for this? We're gonna get getting a little bit deeper here We're gonna go down a little bit deeper starting at verse 8 ready for this For you were once Darkness, but now you are light in the Lord walk as children of light for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness righteousness and truth finding out what is acceptable to the Lord and have no Fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness but rather Expose them for it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light for whatever makes manifest is light In the first seven verses the exhortation was walk in love And I hope that spoke to you. Yes God helping me. I want to walk in love in my married life. Okay. Here's the exhortation that comes from verses 8 through 13 Walk in the light Did you see that? Walk as children of light. He says at the end of verse 8 Walk in the light Walk in love Walk in the light. I don't have any doubt and I do not say this as a profit because I'm not a prophet I Don't have any inside knowledge There's no pastor that's whispered into my ear say this say this But just because we have well over 800 couples here There's adultery going on in this room. I mean, I just say that statistically If you look around at this many people It's almost inconceivable That there is not Some man some woman some husband some wife Who right now is in an adulterous relationship? Now the act of your adultery is bad enough and I'm not gonna I don't need to make a case for that We understand that that's bad enough. Let me tell you what is a sin multiplier regarding your adultery is You're hiding it by living a double life What you are desperately afraid of is that light would shine upon your life And that somebody else would see your life Notably your spouse you're terrified that your spouse will see your life for what it really is There's a truth about your life and you spend enormous energy You spend mental energy you spend physical energy you spend Spiritual energy desperately trying to hide who you really are from your spouse. You live in a double life Your marriage cannot exist that way It's either gonna split up or you're gonna give up your double life and you're gonna come back to a real unity with your spouse There are people in this room again. I don't say this by prophecy. I just say it by statistics there are people in this room who zealously guard the Numerical password or the password you use to get into your iPhone or whatever kind of smartphone you have Because you would be terrified if your spouse looked at your instant messaging your texting with other people You you'd be gone you'd be history You you zealously cover your Facebook trails or or whatever other kind of social media You probably got things set up under false names And this is you Look, I say this and please understand my heart I say this without an ounce of condemnation Towards whatever brother or whatever sister is locked in these things. I don't have an ounce of condemnation. I Come to you as your brother with all sympathy with Understanding that a cloud of sin and deception has come over you and it's blinded your eyes And you're not seeing things clearly and you need help to see things clearly and that's why God has brought you here today But I come here hopefully as a messenger of God to speak to you very frankly and say this Today is the day to cut it off right now You know, it's wrong. You know, it's of just of Satan that you're doing this, but the devil is very clever He knows that right now at this moment. He can't convince you that it's right Okay, you're busting on that. It's wrong. Here's what the devil's whispering in your ear He's whispering here. Okay, but you just got to give it another few days or a week and it'll be much better to do it That is a lie from the evil one. It will not be one bit easier tomorrow It'll be more difficult tomorrow. Matter of fact, it's going to be more difficult this afternoon than it will be right now Today is the day for you to come forward to to speak with a pastor To pray with somebody you and your spouse and just say I have been living in somewhere another a double life And I want to be free of it. I Want to live a life that I can proudly say my husband my wife. They know every bit of who I am That's freedom. That's the liberty of Jesus Christ. That is walking in the light Isn't that what God wants us to do and to live to walk in the light And when when we walk in the light in regards to our marriage, what blessing what freedom? What what tremendous liberty there is in that and that's what I want. I'm not interested in condemning you whatsoever We're all prayed to these same sins We're all liable to the fog of deception that comes upon us egged on by the world the flesh and the devil forget about condemnation I'm here to throw your lifeline right now Your heart is beating very hard You are concentrating so that you can keep it together with your spouse sitting right next to you You're hoping well, you know, just just get through this just get through this and I can continue on today's the day and I pray that the Holy Spirit gives you that that gracious gracious ability to truly repent and To truly live a new life walking in the light Now your marriage will never be a good Never be a Christian marriage until you walk in love and Walk in the light and the very idea of walking applies a lot Isn't it funny to us that we use so many different words for this whole idea to walk? Have you ever thought about that one day? I got out the thesaurus and figured out how many different words there were for walk ready for this Stroll saunter amble trudge plod doddle hike tramp trump slog stomp march stride Sashae glide troop patrol wander ramble tread prowl promenade Rome traipse mosey and Parambulate They say out silly that they have so many different words just to describe something how to walk listen. This is why is That there is something distinctive about a way a person walks that says something about them, isn't it? That just is When I go to Europe People can tell I'm an American just by the way I walk Doesn't matter what I'm wearing doesn't matter what I say it can keep my mouth complete There's just something about yeah that guy's from a non around he's American And haven't you seen somebody from another country, and you don't know a thing about you get well there from another place just by the way They walk There's just something about Many of us in the little distinctions tiny idiosyncrasies, but all of these kinds come together in this whole idea of a walk And that's why it's so important to God that we walk in love and that we walk in the light Like the psalmist said this is in Psalm 119 105 remember what he said your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path God I can never ever walk the way you want me to walk in love and walk in the light I can never do that unless your word illuminates the way and That's why that's why we're talking about the Bible this morning. I Was wondering I often try to think what would it be like for somebody who was completely Unfamiliar with Christianity just completely unfamiliar if they were to walk in a husband wife, and they sit themselves alongside here And I would think they would think my isn't it strange they're opening up this 2000 year old book And they're talking about it as if it's relevant today And they're talking about it as if it's important Me look pastor David spoke about it and Victor Mark spoke about it and this guy he's reading extended passages isn't this strange Well, listen, it's not strange Because this isn't just another book this is God's eternal word and One of the greatest things you can do is simply to say I want the word of God to Inform to instruct to bring light to my marriage so that I can walk in the light So that I can walk in love Now I do not believe that you can do this without a life of prayer and devotion And I say this to you as a couple your life needs to be soaked in God's word and you must pray together Regularly you need to take this seriously. This is part as a of a Christian marriage a Christian marriage where you pray together with some regularity Now I wouldn't be surprised if in the hearts of many people maybe if not most people There's a sense of dread that just came into the room as I said those words Because is that strange how prayer between a husband wife, which should be the most natural thing in the world Shouldn't it be the most natural thing? It should What a battleground it can become I'm not gonna ask for a show of hands But many of you know what it's like you end up getting to an argument when you were gonna pray with your husband or wife How how can that ever happen? Well, I'll tell you why Because prayer true prayer between a husband and wife It is not easy to achieve and it is often attacked by the enemy God taught in Galil and I a lot about this as a young couple. I mean I was young and really just you know Just wanted to serve Jesus and was already getting started in pastoral ministry when we got married at a very young age And so man, I knew you got to pray with your wife But for some reason it was just not working. I don't know what it was. It was the craziest thing We would need to never have time for prayer when we would sit down to pray There was some weird spiritual dynamic going on and it was just the weirdest thing and I would feel insecure And she would feel frustrated and I just wouldn't know what it is and it was just so difficult. It was very hard to relate to And it was so dysfunctional for no good reason I couldn't figure out any logical reason why it should be this way and then I understood You know what? This is just because it's being attacked by the devil And so I realized okay, look if we're not gonna pray together The way we should that I'm gonna start with something and this is how I started You know as in many marriages there's kind of a difference between Ingellilla and I she tends to be a night person I tend to be a morning person and so just normally I'm up earlier than she is since I'm up and about and doing things and well Because it wouldn't work for us to pray together when we were both conscious I Would go over and lay my hand on her in bed And I would pray for her as she slept or maybe just as she was waking up You see this is what I was dedicated to doing I was dedicated to say I'm not gonna give up on praying together with my wife No way and if it's not working in the way that I think it should work Then I'm gonna find some way that it would work, and I don't know why for what reason but that worked It worked When she was asleep, and I would just lay my hand on her and pray for her And then after doing that I don't remember how long we did that a couple weeks a couple months I don't know how long But then it just started working where we could pray together in the morning and just making that a regular part of our day My friends I I don't want to give anybody the wrong conception It's not like we have a law about this and there are times maybe because of travel or just life obligations Ingellilla and I aren't together, but Virtually every morning when we're together in the house. We're praying together. That's one of the best parts of the day Sometimes it's an amazing prayer time just like wow We feel like the Holy Spirit was here, and it was just amazing other times. It feels like well We prayed together But listen listen, I know that that's a big part of the glue that holds us together That keeps us together as a couple walking in love and walking in the light. I Don't know how this can happen apart from some life of prayer and devotion together as a couple So you need to be serious about this together, and if there's obstacles you need to find a way around them You just need to be dedicated as we need to be one in our hearts and our spirits before the Lord And we will find out what works for us as a couple and then pursue that But then notice this I'll go on and just read a few more verses from Ephesians look at starting at verse 14 He's talking more about walking in the light here He says therefore he says awake you who sleep arise from the dead and Christ will give you light See then that you walk circumspectly not as fools, but as wise Redeeming the time because the days are evil therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is You need to have spiritual life in you For your marriage to be everything that God you you can't just sleep walk through the Christian life Right now. I wouldn't have been surprised if there was a rash of elbows poking in ribs right when I said that Because it's a very common phenomenon in a marriage For one spouse or another it could go either way But for one spouse or another to say yeah, I'm where I should be with the Lord But you know little miss carnal next to me. She doesn't seem to go after the things of God at all It's a very common phenomenon where some partner is Disappointed in the spiritual commitment in the spiritual maturity. They think yeah, I'm alive to the Lord But my spouse is sleep walking through their Christian life. I would just say Love on your spouse do exactly what God has called you to do Did you guys notice when Victor taught us a little bit earlier? Did you notice something in that Ephesians 5 passage? It's really amazing Victor developed it very well. This is what God says to the wives. This is what God says to the husbands Do you realize that God never said something less? Hey wives tell your husbands that they should be doing this and God never said hey husbands. You better tell your wives be doing this. No, he doesn't speak of it at all It's almost as if God says no, no, no I want you to be very clear you concern yourself with what God is called you to do in the marriage And then you will free up the power of the Spirit of God to work in the life of your spouse Many of us many of us we find it very easy to think that the main Purpose of our Christian life our Christian walk is just for God to change our spouse change them or change them change them Look, I say this a lot because it was very meaningful to me It was a meaningful turning point in my life as a husband But there was a time in our married life when things just weren't that great. I Don't know what it was exactly. I looking back on it. A lot of it was my fault. I'll tell you that for sure We weren't really walking in love. We really weren't walking in the light and I realized something about myself. I Realized that the prayer of my heart in my marriage. This is humiliating to share with you guys I'm a pastor. I was a pastor when all this was out. I mean, I should know better So I'm just sort of bearing my soul. I'm telling you something out of the humiliation of my own heart The Holy Spirit helped me to understand that the basic prayer I had for my marriage was this Lord bless me and change my wife Now I would never say those words. I was much too spiritual to say those words Come now. I'm a pastor, but you know what? I was in my heart That was in my heart And it was wickedness when my attitude was Lord bless me and change my wife Nothing got better in her marriage Nothing, but when God showed me the wickedness of my own heart Even though I wasn't vocalizing it. He you know the Holy Spirit. He knows how to do that in your life This is you David and he told me just to turn that prayer around And then I made it the prayer for my marriage and this one I could say out loud Lord change me and bless my wife Just bless her. Just bless her Lord I'm the one who needs to change you need to change me I'm gonna give up any thought of changing my spouse some of you need to come into that victory Just to be able to say I'm not gonna. I'm gonna give up the idea. I'm not gonna try to change I mean forget Lord you can change them Jesus you can transform lives My prayer God you just bless them bless them bless them so much that they can hardly contain it The Lord change me I'm the one who needs to be changed I'll just read a couple more verses verse 18 and Do not be drunk with wine in which is dissipation, but be filled with the spirit You ever thought about as a verse regarding to your marriage How much wickedness happens in homes and in married life because people drink too much Because people are intoxicated It's true, isn't it? See alcohol and and drunkenness. I'll just say drunkenness drunkenness intoxication is not bad Merely for the sin in itself though that would be wicked enough It's also bad for all the other sins that it leads people to Isn't that true? I mean we could probably have a very entertaining hour Just having people get up here on the platform and sharing foolish things. They did while they were intoxicated It wouldn't be edifying, but it would be very entertaining You see and this has direct relevance Are you gonna look me square in the eye and say that there's not a lot of adultery and infidelity and An uncleanness that happens because people are intoxicated It's not only the sin in itself. That's bad enough But all the other sins that it opens up the gate towards So do not be drunk with wine, but in contrast to that be filled with the Holy Spirit Be filled with the Holy Spirit Now there have been some people foolish enough to try to teach that the filling of the Holy Spirit is like being intoxicated Ladies and gentlemen that is foolishness and it's irresponsible And it's so unfaithful to the scriptures that I hardly know it to begin listen Paul isn't drawing a comparison here He's drawing a contrast Matter of fact, it's directly the opposite from being intoxicated. Do you know what alcohol does to a person how it affects him? It's a depressant It depresses your faculties of clear thinking and self-control. That's why you act like such a fool when you've had too much to drink Now the Holy Spirit is not a depressant the Holy Spirit is a stimulant and He focuses the person in all the fruit of the Spirit to live a life more glorifying to God And that's what we need in our marriages. Is it not we need to be filled with the Spirit and That that lays the groundwork this beautiful marriage passage that unfolds listen the the great prayer I have for you and for your Married life or your to be married life Is that you would know what it's like to have a spirit filled marriage? Where you're no longer trying to do it just in the energy of your own effort where it's not Oh, I need to be a better husband. I need it. I need it. I need it And it's as if through the sheer power of your will you can bring these great chances things to pass None of these great changes to pass I should say No, no, it's not through the sheer effort of your will It's through your yielding to the power and the presence of the Holy Spirit in your life I'll say it again, but be filled with the Spirit. I Hope that's what you want So I'm gonna pray a prayer right now And if you don't mind, I'm gonna ask the entire room to stand as I pray that prayer I'm gonna pray a very simple prayer asking That we would all be filled with the Holy Spirit in our marriage or in our eventual marriage Because we need this to get