 So if Danny's not funny It's gonna be like the gong night in the fucking in a comedy store We should all get given a card and we're not feeling Danny whack it It's pressure Anyway, yeah, oh man, let's go. It's welcome Hi Danny so Cruz Like his mom snatched loose and dry take some advice from that sketch and try and lube up your word in A lot of times I put Vaseline on my iPhone when I'm writing Do you find that helps? It helps a lot. It does loosen up my boss. Do you feel like they're really rigid before you add the Vaseline? It was yeah, it was. Yeah, you gotta add a bit of lube to the writing process But I don't what do you feel like he was trying to say? I know like I know you're trying to say that like his mom's badge is loose and dry So obviously when his mom has sex she has to reach for the lube. That's the problem So he needs to take a lesson off his mum and apply that to wording rap battles Otherwise your lyrics would just be a loose dry pussy. Yeah, basically believe me I talking about breakdancing when I say I'll pop and can't stop like I was eating Pringles To be fair when I pop a Pringles, I can't stop It's true, but that means and you're not talking about breakdancing. So yeah, it's not a bad bar It's not a bad bar He's he's double word played For no apparent reason. Let's hit a bargain. So basically I always say it is I'm not talking about breakdancing when I pop That that pops the word play of that. Yeah, and can't stop like I'm eating Pringles What's going over there That guy's popping shot and he can't stop Is he eating Pringles? I think the main problem with this is that like two bars in one. It's two bars in one You look you smell like a cross between that seeping fluid from a hand job scene with some sewage a hint of mint in a gun of tangerine A hint of mint So where's the bar you smell like these? You smell like a various mix of these things. Yeah. So firstly, yeah seeping fluids from a hand job scene seeping fluids, seeping fluids, my favourite one. I don't know what it smells like if it's a scene Well, no, no, no, no, I don't just say card flow. Why seeping fluids from a hand job scene? I think basically he's probably got quite curious he's having a bash He's having a bit of pre-carbon before Seeping But it's the final multi the paternism only and a gun of tangerine That is a bad mix Good point The smell of the the seeping fluid from the hand job scene and sewage is going to be the dominant smell I don't think the gun of tangerine is going to be that much of a difference Wait, wait, something smells like spunk Wait a minute I've got to have a proper like He's got your tune, bro. He's got like a fucking You can sniff like a dog What? How do you sense the smell of a dog? He's got a sense of smell of a dog If I were in that room, I'd be like, alright, it smells like shit in here And with a voice like yours, you can never be a coarse bloke You sound like you've had a stroke. When you spit your bars, it sounds like you're rapping them in morse code I don't know That's the highlight of the bars we've done Do morse code What's that about? Beaker Beaker from the Muppets Oh yeah, for real, yeah Apart from that That should be the theme tune for bad bars now What bad bars? This is bad bars Can you do the theme tune for me now? I could do that Bad bars Blitzbizzle, thisbizzles, dismissal Each bar more carnage than six missiles Six Six One missile does a lot of that Do you know what's funny about battle rap? Big greedy It's like whatever number fits the multi It's always the perfect number To demonstrate how bad the demolition will be I have a friend who used to rap on a good head trip He had a bar He was like I can think of 96 rappers Who use random numbers to try and fit patterns Now I fucked the jokes because it's time to war Just because you're 23 and I'm 17 Does it mean you'll walk over me like I'm the floor? You do walk over the floor there Are you gonna walk all over me like I'm the floor? Are you gonna walk all over me like I'm the floor? Are you gonna walk all over me like I'm the floor? I think it's basically the puncher No it's like that You think you can walk over me like I'm the floor? I'm the floor You think you can walk over me like I'm the floor? You think you can walk over me like I'm the floor? I'm not a floor Don't push me Your lips look like Madeleine McCann's pussy What? Don't push me Your lips look like Madeleine McCann's pussy First off She's been missing since she was four How do you know what a vagina looks like? How did he take Madeleine McCann? I got Madeleine McCann You know what, Acus is going to get arrested He should get arrested You dirty child molested bastard No it wasn't like that That was out of order Can we just stop non-spawns for fuck's sake I remember this part But if you watch back you see Mr. Fur-Ingo Yeah I know I'm sick with the lines You're shit And spit the cum at you That's a sick ball That's a sick ball How is that bad? What? How is that bad? I will suck your mum's clip And spit the cum at you That is the older disrespect bro How upset would you be if you cum at him? You know what, I would actually be his open Wait a minute Is that a good bar though? Kruger? I rate it No, you're doing that because those two are You're allowed to speak I'm a breadwin' Rick Fury flatmate It's ready to bear with your breadwin' Rick Fury Well if he was here backstage But they just can't share that name That's his tryout To be fair, I can't even read That he's really protecting and backing his mate Yeah I know, but that's like me saying My mate Tom Definitely about your mate Tom You shouldn't have that name Government names are different to rap names No no, but Tom's his rap name His real name's Bob Why is he so unsure of Bob? Because Tom is like a Tom cat Nice I told you You're gonna be addicted to this In fact, you've never wrote a quick rap Don't flop with hip hop Until I came and switched that Is my middle finger swivelled When I flip that I can flow some it fast Like a cheater I heard you've been licking on ass on my teacher Yo This is how you act straight Don't act gay You look like a faggot when you stand that way Yo, you're not a good man You're a terrible black waist Yo, this is how you act straight Like, there's too many to I think that you write it down I'm pretty sure you'll find one There's one where he says You're just a black waist Then I start thinking of my waist Because it's black and it's waist But I don't think he meant it that way He meant it like Wasted as in sewage and Come and gone off tangerines Mint But you're getting smashed And I ain't talking about Busting guns and Running them with arms Because trust me, when I come out I do bring the firearms out He's holding on fire What he needs is water Lots of it I'm not talking about guns anyway It's definitely not about guns There's no guns here But when I'm out I do have guns I'm not talking about guns Me, I go hard I'm a walking erection Why is he talking about penises? It's because he goes hard He's a walking erection He goes out hard And then the following part is The only time you go ham is in things We's in the meat section It's like Two bangers put together See, it's only the setup You wouldn't say someone ordered you get some chicken No, I went ham, mate Jackson, our criminal smooth titles Waste recycled, he's sweet trifle What? You didn't get it? You need to understand when I'm cussing Are you Beckles or something? Shall I spit that shit Beckles or something? Trifle sweet, he's waste recycled Title Michael Jackson Because I'm Jackson Michael I don't know what that even means What? What just happened? This is kind of like word by word breakdown type of thing for this one Two things about this one It's not the same thing the first time as it is the second time There's loads of words added The other best thing is like I don't think at any point Two words fit next to each other I don't think at any point that any of the sentences make sense So he says, Michael Jackson He's called Michael Jackson for a start I criminal smooth titles Criminal smooth titles Let's break it down Maybe it's like I criminal Smooth title What does that mean? Smooth title No but he made it criminal so it's not smooth anymore He needs to leave He should have put more lube on it I feel like he hasn't put enough lube on it He should have listened to Brucey Right, I need some lube So, I criminal smooth titles I've lubed up my criminal activities Smoothly going through Race recycled Race recycled You know when you recycle it's race What? Race recycled What? You've gone with this episode He's playing that to your black friends He's sweet trifle He's sweet trifle He's sweet as a pudding Namely, he's trifle So what? Didn't you get it? He was talking this right? Yeah, yeah He's getting told What the fuck is going on? I've only wrote what didn't you get it once He says what didn't you get Should I spit it backwards? He says five or six times He's amazed at his initial What, you didn't get it? He reads it back Should I spit it backwards or something? Trifle sweet He's waste recycled Title Michael Jackson He's a Jackson Michael So he's missed out Smooth criminal for a start So basically if it was backwards It should go like this It spit I shall It get you didn't what Trifle sweet He's recycled race Title smooth criminal I Jackson Mike On Twitter you were talking shit and trying to look bigger How are you going to battle me when you ain't even got a name like a backup singer I'm pretty sure they were named that It wasn't like X You know what I mean Default Go on generic Don't generic Trying to call him to go on stage Yep And when it comes to them birds Your chicks already told me that you're dick smooth You sex shit But with me she's a ratty bitch She loves all that bondage stuff BDSM sex shit Can't get enough of this vet's dick Okay With me I swear he said Vex bro He didn't He's not a vet anyway He's not a vet He's a vet He won I got a vet With me she's a ratty bitch With me she's a ratty bitch She loves all that bondage stuff BDSM All that sex shit You love sex shit Can't get enough of this Vex slash vet's dick BDSM You know Sex shit All that sex shit You know BDSM Whatever Sex shit You know Get tied up and I'll just dump on you Cause you're a waste bandit Like when you keep a bone to contain Like this man My trousers and boxes are waste bandit My trousers and boxes are waste bandit What's he gonna do What's he gonna do is dump on the bone as you Because basically This part of your box is short That's called a waste band So if you're gonna, your bone are You're like oh shit People are gonna see I've got a heart on and out What I'm gonna do Hold it there Cause that's gonna contain it I'm gonna finish this line Cause we have a minute of silence For all the victims is tied up in children Is dry bummed What is Everything in life Why Like It's a child bum He needs to lube up his word He needs to lube up his word What is it Why did it Can we stop being like so descriptive About fucking pizza Talking about descriptive penises Guess what faggot You've got a clogged up dung tunnel Bum funnel bum hustle Bum can bust out cum bubbles Fucking batty crease needs a spunk muzzle I know it may seem like I'm just chatting breeze About his mud jungle right Imagine you go to the doctors You go to the doctors You've got some constipation problems You're looking across like from the doctor You're really worried and you need to So what's wrong with you I'm having a fudge struggle at the moment Fudge struggle I'm having a fudge struggle in my mud jungle I've just got the results from your mud jungle And I'm not implying that you need to Visit a jazzy hair salon when I say Go curl up and die Oh for fuck's sake You know what I wrote that down and then deleted it Cause there's a little bad part That's exceptional It's an old joke But why jazzy She ate my big mac She may get bit slapped if she takes my KitKat What have you ever called a penis KitKat I was assuming she just meant I thought you meant KitKat She'll get bit slapped if she takes my KitKat You've never slapped a dog in your KitKat I've never slapped one To be honest I've punched her It seems like a struggle Leave it alone! Have a break I've already won I can vision it Cause how can I lose against a guy who's older than me How can I clash if he handed in a permission slip He could only clash if he was handed A permission slip Yeah he didn't see that But he said permission slip Who's ever had a permission slip for Fucking try out Cause I just emailed you guys Did neither of you bring a permission slip Oh you're not breaking the rules Fucking hell man Did you not tell them to bring a permission slip Mate we don't have rules you have to bring Every bout We went for a meeting with his parents Had to sit down and talk about it Is that when they picked him up? Yeah they picked him up straight after Yo you spit bad rhymes as a pastime It's not stopping me though I take advantage of the weak like that lost prophet's pedo Listen during that battle HK actually exposed him For being a rapist and Filthy Phil was like Yeah Rex Yeah I did do it Yeah I'll do it again Let me fuck it No Filthy is really Filthy You know what He doesn't deserve to be alive That's how deep it goes He said that and he meant that Cause he wrote that And then read back He took it away He kept that What's your take on this Kruger What is this prophet's pedo I take advantage of the weak like that lost prophet It's not on is it If it's so small The closest you're gonna get to a free sum is with two midgets Midgets like so different They're kind of like Sorry mate I've watched midget porn man they take dick Bridget the midget Pick up one midget porn game Any midgets out there that wants on a jack You rhymed focus with Ford Focus Rhymes like that make me think that you're into boners I'm never rhyming Is he saying Is he saying that gay people have a lot of focus Probably cause they're gay What That's not saying blood people can run fast That's racist That's really racist We don't do it on bad bars We never have racism on it Don't agree Explain that to your black viewers Cause your nose looks like a flaccid penis They're gonna smash the pieces I have to write how to feed us That's a bit penis Yeah that's a bit penis The key thing that you get from like fucking trials Is they're so like infatuated with penis They're like how do you rape and shit It's not even over It's not over it's not over This is Unant He's a monster This is Unant's trial I've got that dark pen game I like to write in the night I don't prefer a date So when I kill him tomorrow will be the end of the week I'm so first day for these wins Everything's wrong Oh he's sleepy bro I wasn't even gonna put you in this episode Has he made every single episode No he wasn't in the first episode But end of the week First day No wait First day I'm so first day I did imagine a horse next to it And you'd have to do that Because the horse is quite big And you'd have to do that But who stabs a man like this I'm a clinical miracle, miracle syndical Individuble, Jimmy's pit in the written So like if you ever put Spiritual, lyrical, miracle next to each other Shoot yourself It's a lyrical ting I'm a lyrical king, shine so so bright I'm a lyrical bling If you wanna go bar for bar, match that If you wanna go trap for trap He's a lyrical bling Obviously his bars shine He's got that vaseline on over his bars I roll with that royal cheese Cause that's a big mac He'll be feeling scarred with a sick gash I call my knife to pulp fiction cause I leave man Seeing stars in a big cast That's really really bad There's nothing specific about pulp fiction There's nothing anything Say it okay, say his knife is in pulp fiction So he's stabbed him When you get stabbed I've never been stabbed You don't see stars I think that's more in cartoons Exactly, that's all To be honest, that bar is so shit That's such a shit bar Accus sent to catchy What a cunt He's just wet himself There's always one I remain the one like 7 to 5 by 6 is Everybody knows you never go full retard I'm guessing he didn't pass his maths class No, 100% not I reacted so I obviously did You reacted to this I thought I'd get that Why did you get that? Cause I got a D in maths Yeah, about as young as Madeleine McCann's pussy His band's called After Dark That's a coincidence That name is a key pack cause I ain't seen a star after dark And I've seen one here in Ineva What's crazy he's been looking at his whole life Yeah, he's not seen There is a lot of smoke There's a lot of light pollution There is a lot of light pollution Don't talk to him like fuck it He's not seen stars He's seen blights He's seen fucking liar I'd like to start by saying that I have a massive knob See, and there's this reason here That I never gelbed with you two Yeah, this massive knob thing I don't know why he kept saying that This wasn't the first time But don't think I'm coming with some northern flow It's like MCs in the league are holding their hands up Trying to block the sun the way I see Manacat in Lunar It's like all the MCs in the league Are holding their hands up Trying to block the sun And he does this, no, no, it's not that It's that The way they're Manacat in Lunar You can't see the Manacat in Lunar So it's like all the MCs in the league Are blocking the sun with their hands The way they're stealing Lunar C's bars I get that It doesn't make sense That's why it's a bad bar This is a bad bar Welcome to the show I want someone in the crowd just to stop me around Are you? I'm moving on But I'm just saying, you're from Reading Now, I'm going to tell you why you're on top Just don't flop from your ship Sorry, I can't read the rules Let me do it Man said you're from Reading Man said you're from Reading So it's like the way that you try to As literally a random person in the crowd So it was obviously this weird little odd job mate that they just like At the same time Anton Murphy won that battle He did This rapper might be Indian But he won't win this battle, Indian Indian, Indian There was a lot of that in Black Yeah, the thing had a bar about that Yo, he's going to diss me for being Welsh But it isn't hard when the closest he's come The bag and the chick is carrying A rucksack on the chicken farm What farmers have got rucksacks? None of them have rucksacks What farmers are carrying a rucksack and putting chicks in there? You know what I was going to say to Money Mitch? This was actually going to be my bar and then I read it back I went and I thought that I was going to say to him If me and you have beef It would be exactly like an optician's General conversation on site Jesus Christ On site I like how cheeky he is I swear to God I wrote that, read back and didn't keep it Last but best, then I'm going to answer to your question Like a clown on Christmas Day I'm laughing at your presence Is that what clowns do, yeah? On Christmas Day they're selling kit and everything Chocolate and all that Not with their clown family You ain't got no guns to be aiming at me You're like Snoop Dogg The first two letters changed to a pink Poop Dog Poop Dog That was slightly irrelevant I don't understand how you write that I think This is fire He said that And he meant that Because he wrote that And then read back He kept that You look like he was raised in a fucking fart palace A fart palace You've never been to a fart palace? I've never been, what are they like? I said call Blimey Please don't look Man, he's got more chins than a Chinese phone book I've never heard that before No you haven't I do tell it to get on the knees That's what I say to I give an old king of the dot battle I put my DNA on her The lack of knowledge about her Yeah, I'm pretty sure DNA versus this guy's mum Has never happened for a starting king of the dot Yeah I put DNA on your mum So it doesn't matter what channel it's on Why are you going to put a battle wrapper on your mum What kind of DNA is a spit? I'm assuming it's cum Your nan is fat and ginger Wait With an arsehole like an enormous pit Her walking stick Is a talking dick I love that part That's all That's funny though Your walking stick Is a talking dick Your walking stick is snipery Surely if the walking stick Was in there The handle would be the ball The handle would be the balls That makes sense So that means the talking element of the dick Is always on the floor She would only get it on the lift She would only get it on the lift She would only get it on the lift So That's to get all his walking So you hit it down You Do it Any advice for tryouts What is your advice for tryouts Don't say That Has used you as a sacrificial Lively So don't put out a hit on you when I sign the contract And don't say Why am I battling him Let me just tell you something about tryouts Don't give too much away I won't give too much away but you learn who your opponent is If you didn't want him You'll say no So don't complain about who you've got If I say Why did you give me this guy It's because I agree to it Don't do that Any direct address From a tryout to a Stop it I didn't go over to his dad It's an incest Horrible What's his name He called out Don't call out champions Don't do that I just caught me a body Frankie Waps is obviously next You know what I mean Big in the battle game If you want to join a click Quickly Don't bring Your friends with you to overhype you Magic should do you It's not on It's not on That's Two friends Listen if you have a great tryout It doesn't mean you're out of shit I'm giving you advice And I'm still finding my feet I'm not going to be like Hey where's Ogmius You know what I mean I'm not going to act like I'm the shit and I'm not going to tweet about it I'm being obnoxious I know a lot of people are Stay humble That's bad bars Be yourself now Tryouts, be yourselves Stop trying out because I don't like filming it Peace