 Ah, there it is. All right. All right. All right. Here we are. It's five o'clock. Welcome to watch me work with the me and the title is UMSLP. We are, we have been doing this show for like 12 years. We started in the lobby of the public theater and now we are still supported by the public theater as well as being supported by HowlRound who are helping us zoom to you so we can do it from our own spots wherever we happen to be. This is, as you saw in the email, in the invite email today, this is going to be the last watch we work before we take a, our September hiatus, which might extend a little bit into October, but this is going to be our last one for, for about a month. So be ready with your questions. And what we do in watch we work as we work together for 20 minutes. And then I take your questions about your creative process. And we talk about your creative process. Notice I'm saying the word your, we take your questions about your creative process. And we talk about your process and we talk about your work. And if you should have a question after our 20 minutes of work time together, you can ask Lolly. Lolly is going to tell you how to get in touch. So go Lolly. Yeah, if you have a question and you're here in the zoom with us, you can use the raise your hand function, which is in the reactions tab, likely at the bottom of your screen. If you have any trouble finding that you can just message me in the chat and I will help you out. If you're watching a live stream on HowlRound, you can ask questions by tweeting or commenting at the public theaters, Twitter or Instagram accounts or the watch me works Twitter account, which is at Watch Me Work SLP with the hashtag HowlRound. That's hashtag H-O-W-L-R-O-U-N-D. So that's how you'll ask your questions. All right, all right, all right. So here we go. We're going to work for 20 minutes and then we'll talk. Okay. Here we are. Question time. Feel free to raise your hand. Is that what an actual hand is? Is that celebratory? Oh, there we go. Okay. Timothy. Hey, y'all. Hey, Tim. How you doing? How you doing? Good to see you, Timothy. You too, you too. Not a question per se. But I just wanted to say that I took your advice from last week and made a list of things I wanted to write about and wanted from hit. So there you go. I mean, hit in terms of like caught my interest enough to. I know what you mean. That's great news. I'm so happy for you. So thank you for that. And it's the whole point of bringing it up. And I also rewrote a pilot for a TV thing. So one in a bad week. That's really great. And so, so, you know, are there, do you have like in your mind as we go into a little bit of a hiatus, you know, through September, do you have in your mind or written down some things that you can do to keep yourself going? You're on a roll. You're on a good role. Yeah, well, I do. I mean, the short answer is yes. You know, I just, you know, I started off just kind of free writing. And, you know, I'll probably stay with that until I have an idea where to actually start scripting. So there you go. Fantastic. Good, good, good. Good, good, good. All right. Congratulations. Thank you. And thank you for the help. Well, thank you. Thanks for being here, man. Thanks for showing up. Sure. Because that is, you know, 95% of the answer. Yeah. Yeah. Well done. Good job, bro. Good job. All right. All right. Who's on a roll? Anybody else? Who's on a roll? Who's on a roll? Hey, Lou. Since you asked, I'm on a roll, I'm pastrami on a roll. I just want to tell you. Are you really pastrami on a roll? I really am. I really am. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I guess like maybe I formulated a question, but yeah, I'm making myself laugh. Oh, I'm enjoying my work. Like I'm like hitting on things I didn't know were in my head. I'm just flowing, flowing, flowing. I don't know if it's just, you know, the thought I have had lately is just I'm so tired of being miserable from this process. I'm like so exhausted by it. There you go. You know, but it's like, but that's been over a couple of weeks now. Like it's like been really interesting. I mean, I'm sure, you know, I'm not sure of anything. I hope I don't get miserable again, but it's been, it's been flowing. And I think actually, you know, so I can maybe ask a quick question about the flow of it all, which is just like, I don't totally know where I'm going. So maybe I might want to ask about just that thing, you know, like somehow I've before I kind of you talk a lot about planning and organizing and outlying, which obviously craft wise, I get the value of that endlessly. But for whatever reason where I am right now, like it's counter to my vibe. Like I just want to flow and like be surprised. And so I guess I just wonder about like the balance of flow versus plan. And I also think a lot about, you know, this idea, which we've talked about, like don't bullshit yourself, right? So like, I don't think I'm bullshitting myself. Like I'm on it. Like it's like I'm working, you know, so I'm not just like playing without a goal or playing just to avoid the thing. I feel like I'm in the thing and it's a sense of play and surprise. And how long do I do that till I maybe start to mold it more? I don't know. So that's the question. I mean, I think, I mean, you can also see how, you know, there's plan versus flow, or you can plan the flow. You know, like, what if it's the same, what if it's all part of everything? Just, you know, just floating it. It's more of a question. But and maybe it is. And maybe like we're saying to Timothy, you know, showing up is let's just let's be both showing up is like 100% of the answer. Let's just say that, you know, because because that's what we want to do. That's why I mean, the form of this show, it's a show, the form of this show called Watch Me Work is that we show up and we work together. That's it. We're showing up and we're working together. And so the idea is that we will become accustomed to showing up and working together, even when we're not together, even on Tuesday, for example, you know what I'm saying? At Tuesday at noon. Oh my gosh, we'll show up and we'll work together. You see, so I'm, I'm, I'm encouraging, or we're all, I could think together, encouraging the habit of showing up and working together. We will continue that habit when it's Tuesday or when it's Thursday or when it's Friday at 420. You know what I'm saying? So, so what if it's all about showing up? That feels free and working. And and if it's if you're planning, maybe the plan is just to show up. I'm just going to show up at my desk or my work area, whatever, whatever that means to you. And I'm going to do my work for a certain amount of time. And that's what it is. Because I think the work begins to, you know, come together or wants to, you know, that we're so we're taking our cues from the work. You know, the work is coming together, the work is turning to some, you know, and the work is saying now it's time to have a reading. Now it's time to to put it on paper. Now it's time to write an outline, right? Isn't it, you know, come on, I want to be an outline now, you know, the work is, is doing, doing the work. That really resonates. Yeah. Because the work feels the work feels like it wants to flow right now to your point. Like, I feel like it's telling me to flow. Then there you go. Right. Right. And yeah, and you're keeping it sounds like you're keeping your eye on the bullshit part where you're like, no, because I don't want to do the work. Well, and you're keeping your eye on that. You're being self aware enough to know when you're just kidding yourself, you know what I mean? Or you're procrastinating, you're doing sometimes we do research. So we don't have to do the work, you know, because research is easy, and I don't feel like doing the work. Sometimes we do the work because we don't want to do research, because that's hard, you know, so we're aware, we're conscious, right? Yes, we are like, you have to be conscious to be in a relationship. Yeah, now, you know, you have a spouse, you guys go out on dates. We have a nice spouse, you know what I'm saying? But you know, I mean, to be in it, you know, yeah, I'm in a relationship with my work, it feels like it's got, you know, like maybe like a marriage, it's gotten deeper over time. And that's only happened because of what I've been learning here. And you know, what we talk what you talk about, because it's deepening over time, just like you said. So yeah, it's cool. And I will say this on Tuesday at noon, I think, what would SLP do? And I sit down with my timer, I think of you at conjure this room, I think of it. That's, that's why we do this. I do. It's changed everything. So thank you so much. I got, I got, so please, that's why we do this. We're practicing just being present. Because being present is, is, is kind of hard sometimes, you know, it's hard. If you don't practice, it's tricky. It's hard to know how to show up. You know, well, this is what we're practicing. Amazing. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you. Yay. Thank you, Lou. We have Melania up next. Hey, Susan. Hey girl, how you doing? Fine. You know, I am listening to what you were talking to Lou, and I think that you answered what I was wondering, because yes, my question was going to be, what is to have success in work? No, it's like, and listening to you, right now, I'm seeing that maybe the world success has a very big connotation about results and is the showing up is, and is it, I am thinking about is the listening also to the, to the work and to the spirit, no, like the next step comes when we show up. I think the next step is the step, the present step is the next step. I am thinking about, to me, I, I want to, to share with you, this is such a blessing you, your, all your thoughts, your suggestions, the way you listen to us, your kindness, your compassion, throughout your work, our work, and this community is such a gift to me. So yes, I was going to talk to us about success, and maybe you can share with me, but I believe that sometimes what happens to me that I get anxious about, I don't know exactly what, but to do something, I don't know what would that thing would be, but sometimes I see that I sit down, and I feel these things inside of me, like, you have to do more, or it's not that this has no, you know, why are you doing this, these kind of thoughts that I share with you several times. And I know that I need to embrace the situation and show up, and keep doing my, my work that I know. Anything that you can suggest when, when these anxious thoughts appear in the middle? Yeah, I think that's a great question. And I was reading, I have these hobbies, you know, and one is like, you know, like reading and listening to podcasts and reading books about things like neuroplasticity or dopamine centers in the brain and the reward systems, you know, like dopamine, like you get dopamine hits from from prizes and outside stimuli, but you also have chemicals in your body that do it just naturally. So it's not something that you have to always expect coming from the outside. Right. And this is a lay person talking, you know, I'm just reading, I'm just someone who reads books on the side. But but what I've learned recently is that when we have when we interstates of work, which require a high levels of focus and concentration, right? Yeah, our, our chemicals start to happen in our brain that are that create some stress. So we wonder why is it hard to work, you know, that's the chemicals that are encouraging you to focus, right? Yeah. Now what helps keep those chemicals down so that you won't quit working and you can maintain your focus are the dopamine things, dopamine levels, treat presence that you can give yourself. So that's why timer is so fun, because you win. If you set your timer for 10 minutes, and you sit at your desk and you work for 10 minutes, guess what? Reward you just right. Or you set it for five minutes. You just won you hit it again, five more minutes. So winning success becomes something that you are controlling. You're not waiting for the such and such wonderful corporation out there to give you a prize, or to give you a grant or to give you a residency or to let your show be happening on Netflix or whatever. I mean, you know, prizes, you know what I mean? You're giving yourself prizes, hooray, prizes that are not food and are not shopping people. When I finish this, I'm going to go shopping. And I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about. Yeah. Okay, that's all you need. Right? Yeah. Okay. So that's why a timer is such good. It's a sound in your ear, right? That flashing light or whatever you have. So I'm encouraging you to do to create successes that you create prizes, if you will, rewards that you can give yourself. Okay. Yeah. Well, like we were talking about Lou showing up, if you just show up, sometimes and sometimes a day is so hard, and the stress levels are so hard, it's so hard to focus that you show up and all you can do is sit there at your desk for five minutes. Right? The timer goes off. Guess what? You won. You just won. You won. And I tell you, the more you do that, if you do it every day, you're going to start to develop the ability to sit there longer, manage those chemicals in your brain, concentrate longer, reward yourself every five minutes. You have to take a little reward every five minutes. Great. And you're going to put the time in, which is going to get the work done, which is going to accomplish other goals for you. You see? Yeah, I like the idea of controlling having my success. Right. So we're not we're not counting on some outside thing to give us something. I mean, I'm not saying we shouldn't count on things to give us, you know, I'm just saying that in terms of the work. And that's different from saying the work is its own reward, because that's like, I don't know, that's I never quite understood that I like her. I like a timer, you know, I like a something like good job. You know, it's great. Okay. Thank you. That that that can help. And again, you know, you just have to for those of us who people go, Oh, don't do that or that's a hobby or whatever we talked about this a while. Yeah. No, it's like, you have to just talk to the fucking hand with these people. Well, main, run your race. You know, and know that if you got naysayers in your life, know that, you know, so do I. It doesn't come with, you know, the naysayers don't shut up once you win a prize or two or whatever. No, no, it's just like, they're there so that you can go, huh, huh. I got one together. You know what I mean? And that's that's what they're there. You can see them as just a setup for you to display to yourself who you really are. Wow. You see, I like it. Thank you. Thank you. It's great. Thank you. And do you have a good a good game plan for your next month? You have a good game plan? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I you know, my daughters are beginning school. So we are with one in high school, the other one in middle school, the other one in elementary adventure, but I'm going to sit down. I'm going to do the work and I have my things. So yes, I'm ready. I'm gonna miss you. I will miss you. I'll be here. I'll just be like running, you know, I'm gonna be everywhere once next month. No, yet. I know and I've I've lost it and we all know this is something that goes beyond this moment. This moment is extremely important and I love it, but it's something that goes with me everywhere I go. Yes. Good. Very good. Awesome. Okay. Thanks. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Okay, we have Virginia or a Kenya up next. I'm not sure which one it is. Thank you. Thank you so much for what you just said. I really needed to hear that. Just showing up boy. I get I start to beat myself up because you know, I feel like I should be I should be I should be doing whatever. I'm working on it's a personal project but it's I'm planning to put it out anyway and it's about family and was trying trying to figure out the best way for for how I work to create it and part of the the work I'm also a photographer. So I'm looking to use photographs that I've created and old family photographs as well as I tell the story of my parents and how they came together and I talk about the fact that they came from two different worlds and and what they had to go through in order to be somewhere down the line for for family members to accept their marriage. And as I'm writing, I decided that I would do short stories about them together and then separately and then go from there. I'm beginning to understand the amount of anxiety that lived in our home. Wow. I could never put a finger on it. Huh. Every time I would say something to to someone and they would they would kind of just shut me down and say you live in a happy home. Huh. And so as I'm doing this, I'm I'm beginning to see the anxiety, the loneliness and how members try to control one another. And I I'm confused or about how that presents itself on the page. Is there a way that I need to describe it or do I just talk about the individual's actions from day to day? I would that's that's a that's a big several big questions in one Eugenia. My gut says talk about the individual's actions, you know? But I would say in the are you on the first draft so far? Yeah. I would say do whatever actually. Let's take out let's take out the should because you said that was a word for you. Yeah. The shoulds. Yeah. Okay. So should go over there. Should can come in later. Okay. Get it down any way you can. How about that? How about again? We're going to do showing up. We're going to do showing up. We're going to do maybe it's a bit because there it's a big subject. It seems like not to be not to you know make it overwhelming. It's not but how about there's short stories. How many short stories are there? Do you think? I think I'd like to have 20. Great. Do you know the titles of them? Not off hand. I know the title of one. Great. Okay. Get yourself some index cards. This is three by five index cards. Okay. The reason why I'm suggesting this is because they're big. It sounds like there's a lot going on, right? And a lot of like, whoa, how do I do this? So, I often say like when you go caving spelunking, you know, when you go like diving, we have a we use a a cord, a rope. Okay. Okay. So, so I want to give you something manageable to to help you get the stuff on the page and relax at the same time. And if you can get yourself 20 index cards like this and you write the title of each story, even if you don't know it, just make it up. Pretend you know it. Have some fun. Yeah, I know the title. That's going to be called. Great. Okay. And this one's going to be called. Right. Is she right? She write the titles on each card and on the back, you write what it's about. This is the time when somebody gives you that book. And then the end of the story. Right. Okay. She have basically the whole story on the back and the front of a card, right? And you do that with 20 cards. And then you just kind of clip them together. I don't know. I like these kinds of clips. Yeah, I've got those. You got one of those. Okay. And if you want to go to the store, make yourself a treat, go to the store and buy a color, them in a color that you like, they come in all kinds of cool colors, right? And you clip them together and you just kind of walk around with them in your pocketbook or in your tote bag or in your we know whatever, right? And you go to a coffee shop and just flip through them. Okay. It's going to help you like it's a big story. It might help you make it a little more just manageable. Right. I can't ask questions. My parents have both passed away. I can't get into what happened here, what happened there, what was, how did you feel? I'd have to go back and think about certain times. Right, right. Exactly. And also you're going to have to use your imagination, your imagination, right? You are going to it's it's it's I'm sorry that they're passed, but I'm also glad because you're going to tell the story the way you see it with respect to the subjects that are involved. You know what I'm saying? Respectfully with love, with care, but the way you see it, you know, so it doesn't have to jive with what they remember was going on. It's it's you know, you know what I'm saying? So there's a freedom of that. There's also responsibility and and you're you're up to the challenge. But just let's get it manageable for the first, you know, go through, right? Okay. Okay. And give give each story a title. Yeah. It can be fun. Yes. Give me a title and a subject like what it's about. What happens in this short story? That'll be fun. And then you basically have your whole book like, you know, in 20, 20 index cards. Oh, wow. Thanks. Spaces. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you so much. Thanks. Good question. Thank you. We have Rebecca up next and then Nancy after that. Hey, Rebecca. Hey, Susan. How are you? Well, I'm well. Good to see you. Good to see you too. How's it going? It's going it's going well. I was on retreat last week. Silent retreat. So I was here occasionally in my thoughts while I was sitting and walking. But I made a commitment to myself to send the agent letter. So before they turned off the internet and took our phones away, I sent the agent letter. Give up our phones. They don't rest on our clammy little pause. And then sort of like day five or six is like, oh, this is where cotton goes. So the cotton and cotton gin part of the story is like, yay, I hope I remember that when I get home. And I did and I worked on it today and it may not be in quite the right place, but it's got a place. So that makes me very happy. And in terms of the agents, you know, the the core of this of the manuscript is a 10 about a 10 page essay, personal essay I wrote in 2008. They actually won a prize. And I I remember thinking so it won a prize then why wouldn't somebody want to read it now. So so that was that was very encouraging that to actually remember that I had done this thing. And that this is this is the root of that initial seed. So so those all feel like breakthroughs. And I'm grateful for I'm good for all the years where I didn't say a word and I'm grateful, you know, that I'm asking questions in this in this setting. I'm so proud of you. Thank you. Because you're it sounds like you know, you're you're you're I mean, you're expecting good things, Rebecca. And it's funny how respect expecting good things moves us to remember something good that happened in the past that could actually help us in the future. You know, and that's what I mean about your opening yourself up to all the wonderful things that are going on in your life. Yeah, I think that's true. It's funny because the the it was a contest at with the Rubin Museum and Ovid magazine, okay, which died, of course. And I managed to capture, you know, the essay before it went out of business. And and it was announced in like August when I was on retreat. And that was the thing that came up was like, Oh, I couldn't go to the reading because I didn't know about it till after it was over when I turned on my email because, of course. Wow. Wow. Yeah. And and that made me laugh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, thanks for all those those those beautiful meta meditations that you've been doing. Oh, you're welcome. I I've been doing appreciative joy for everybody every day. Yeah. And we're doing it back to you. See, it's it's good. Yes. Unconditional. I don't you know, it has to be unconditional. Can't have any strings attached. No, no, no strings, baby. Yeah. Yeah. So I just wanted to share that and yeah. And for the next the next month, I'm going to just keep I now have a whole manuscript to re-edit, which is great fun. Yes. That's probably going to take the next month to. Right on. Very good. Good game plan. Very good. Very good. All right. All right. All right. That's fantastic. When when you send out so I'm just wondering. So I sent out one agent letter and I'm thinking I've seen where it's like you know when you're submitting a manuscript you can only submit it until they tell you no. But I don't think it's the same with agents that I can just I mean basically it's a business question is like can I just do my selling and I think I think you're free. Yeah. And I think you can contact I mean I mean I recently hired a press agent and I talked to many of them at the same time. Yeah. I interviewed many and I wasn't interviewing one and waiting and thinking and you know I was just doing them one after another. I think you can I think you can solicit many agents and see where it lands and if three are interested then you can go deeper with those three you know and because it's you you get to choose. Yes. You know what I mean. I think that's appropriate. From when I look at you know the business side in like publishers marketplace it must be doing that but I I've never you know really know so that that's helpful. Yeah and I think that if it were appropriate to only submit to one agent at a time then they would they would say so you know and I think I think you're just seeing who's interested and you're just tossing it out there you know. It's like a it's like a like a dating you know dating like dating. You know you'll see who contacts you you know but but I think it's really important that you are doing your gratitude practice and you're expecting good things. Yes. I am doing both things. Yes. Thank you. I'm very happy for you. Very happy for you. Very good. Yay I know. It looks like we have Nancy up next. Oh hey Nancy. Hey hi. Thank you for being the post where I can tether my horse. Very needed today. I tend to be facetious a lot in my life and that's all I've managed to not you know to stay afloat and it's often in my right and sometimes it was really good in my writing because I can be but I think funny. However when it comes to stuff that's again Eugenia but this is differences not parents and sister stuff and she's quite alive and I really have a lot to say and I'm figuring it out so much every day as we get older and older and I've always kind of covered it up because I was working on something and made jokes about things so that it wouldn't be too penetrating. Where and when do you allow yourself to do that so that you know I am first trying to get to my emotional truth but I'm also the critic is thinking oh Christ what if she hears this how she going to do this is just going to make the relationship harder and harder if and I mean I could make it other characters I could make it I could fictionalize it but I really there's such a strong story that has to do with our particular dynamic and and being raised the way we were and motion pictures blah blah and I I'm learning I'm getting it really clearly now but I'm so afraid of her vulnerability even though she's the older tougher sister so you know what do you do when you really need to like Mary Mary Rogers apparently just did it you know she's Mary Rogers and all these people are dead right right yeah all those people are dead so it it including Mary Rogers so you know oh okay I well if I read it maybe maybe yes yes I believe she did because didn't Jesse Green finish them yeah I thought I thought they co-did it and I did yes they did but I think she passed away and asked him to take a picture if I'm wrong sorry I read the article really fast but but but if but to your question Nancy um it's uh how do I tell the story today right yeah yes with everything as it is now right right and I think you do it that way you see what I'm saying so you write you write the story how you can today and if you write the story I'm gonna be totally truthful and maybe I'll hurt people's feelings okay I wrote it as I can today now what do I good what am I gonna do with this today I'm not gonna send it to a publisher I'm gonna put it away for a while you see what I mean you you you gotta write it how you get it down so you have it well it's still raw it's nice and right that's really raw yeah right exactly write it as you need to write it because you're not writing I mean I would suggest you write it and keep it on your computer or notepad or whatever and not per send and send it to your sister okay because that would create a complication that you don't need we don't create we don't want to create unnecessary drama drama is great unnecessary drama is unnecessary right right so you want to create I mean whether it's a short story or novel or whatever you want to create the story that you need necessary and then you decide what to do with it if it's too raw and you're reading it you're like whoa this is exactly what I needed to say but I don't need it to say it to her so you put it down in a drawer somewhere at least you've done your work see what I mean the next draft you might say well maybe I can I can fictionalize it totally and write a fictionalized version of something that would be more appropriate because now I want to get it out into the marketplace where my sister or whomever might read it do you know yeah yeah yeah so I would write it like you need to write it okay because it will lead you to where you need to go you know at least you'll be able to sit and read it and say again like we say I did my work yeah yeah right yeah thank you thank you thank you great question thank you it is five fifty nine there's five fifty nine five fifty nine do you want to leave us on this hiatus with anything uh any negative wisdom or something no no nuggets of wisdom lord have mercy um no just what we always say you know there's great power in showing up and doing your work it is like nothing else it is the you know yeah it is the it is the the power that we were born to exercise you know and that only we can get in the way of and I think sometimes so so much of the world conspires to knock us off our power you know to sing our song that's what we're here for we're here to sing in the choir so saying people you know you know what I mean so I'm gonna be singing it's all I got to say it's six o'clock yeah it's six o'clock thank you so much um you will receive virtual updates from me when we're back up and at it again um but in the meantime I will carry everyone's warmth and energy with me like what sometime in October I think well I'll be not traveling so much I'll be back wonderful hopefully that will be it I love you all thank you thank you all for showing up really really appreciate you okay bye yeah