 Okay, are all of you able to hear me? Yeah, okay, all right. Thank you, Rin. All right, so welcome to our week 10 of our class. We have been going through different parts of elements of marriage and family and we've covered a couple of chapters up until now. We're still in that, in the same topic and we're gonna be looking at other elements of marriage. We, like I did mention, we're not going chronologically in your book or in the text that's given. That's because of just for easier categorization and just kind of divided the entire course into smaller bits. So right now, we're looking at elements of marriage and we're gonna be looking at lesson 13 and if you have your books with you, we're on page 135 or if you've taken, if you're looking in the soft copy, we're at page 136, okay? So we're going to be discussing this today. But before we get started, just a quick recap about what we covered last week. So it would be great if some of you could just share your insights on what was covered last week. So you could go ahead, okay? Would someone like to start? Anyone? Shiv Kumar, Nikhil, not very clear in once again? Yeah, yeah, no, it's better. Yes, I can hear you now. So Pasu, last time we talked about managing our home, where the husband and the wife share the workload in the home and I'll just leave it to one person, but do it as a team and just work together, yeah. Okay, we covered one more chapter. Anyone else? And then Nikhil, Shiv Kumar, yes, students? We covered chapter eight, chapter eight. What is chapter eight? It's absolute silence. Jack in, would you like to help? What did we cover in chapter eight? We saw about the sexual health and hygiene and also how it's coming through an expression of marriage, honoring, and how God has kept it directed our, God has kept it for marriage. He had designed it for the marriage and the enjoyment after marriage. So certain aspects of sex and how God has designed it for us. Okay, thank you. Thank you so much, Jack, yes. So these are the two chapters that we looked into we're going to be focusing on another chapter on boundaries. We're going to understand of what it means to instill certain fences, right, you know, when after marriage. Okay, so to just probably give you start with an introduction. Now, even a marriage in itself when a person's married, it does not automatically keep you away or insulate you from having affections to those of the opposite sex, okay? And so it is still true that a married man or a married woman can feel attraction towards others. And these, the affections that are created outside of marriage often begins in a very, very simple, casual way. I love it someone who you may be spending time with maybe at workplace or with, you know, maybe with a friend. And this can, maybe it starts off with good intentions but it can lead to emotional affections which can further lead to an entanglement which can lead to an involvement, okay? And the impact of these emotional connections or attachments can cause severe harm to the marriage, okay? So we need to know and I think so in short that marriage does not isolate you from having other affections. So what do we do is to create or guard our marriage or guard our minds, guard the way that we feel or guard our affections towards forming attachments like this, okay? So this is, even if you are a highly spiritual person, your spirituality may not guard you, okay? You may be also involved in ministry, involved in spiritual disciplines, however, we can all be vulnerable to this area, in this area, okay? So we must recognize that there can be a threat or a danger and we need to do all, guard all that we have in order to ensure that we protect our marriage. So this is basically the focus of the marriage, of how we can establish and develop certain boundaries, certain fences and also being aware of how we need to keep ourselves away from these temptations, away from these attacks, okay? So we like to look into scripture to see the, you know, it's great to see that scripture makes a reference or it brings about this teaching in very vivid manners and if you would look at it all through Proverbs, what's been written by Solomon, it's been shared, you know, he brings about the danger or brings about how we need to be wise in this area, okay? So let's just take some time to, just to read some of these scriptures and then we will begin to unpack that. So can someone read Proverbs chapter two, verses 16 to 22, Proverbs 2, 16 to 22? There are many verses, but I'll just probably take the bigger ones and Proverbs 7, 21 to 26. So either two people in the group can read that. Proverbs 2, 16 to 22 and Proverbs 7, 21 to 26. Proverbs 2, verse 16 to 22. To deliver you from the immoral woman from the seductress who flatters with her words, who forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God, for her house leads down to death and her paths to death, none who go to her return, nor do they regain the paths of life, so you may walk in the way of goodness and keep to the paths of righteousness, for the upright will dwell in the land and the blameless will remain in it. Proverbs 7, verse 21 to 22. Ma'am, can you repeat it? Prabhu, you can read. Please go ahead. Okay, I think I'll just go ahead reading, Prabhu. Ma'am, it's you please. Sorry, sorry, I think I'm getting on mute for some reason. Okay, I will go ahead and read. Proverbs 7, 21 to 26. So she tempted him with her charms and he gave in to her smooth talk. Suddenly he was going with her like an ox on the way to be slaughtered like a deer prancing into a trap. When an arrow would pierce its heart, he was like a bird going into a net. He did not know that his life was in danger. Now then, sons, listen to me. Pay attention to what I say. Do not let such a woman win your heart. Don't go wandering after her. She has been the ruin of many men and caused the death of too many to count. Okay, so from this, what we are reading and what scripture really highlights is to be careful about the seductress, to beware of the temptress. I think in Proverbs 2 verse 16, some versions say a temptress, some say the smooth talking seductress, especially the one that has her ways or her life, not in the straight path and lures other people to join her. Okay, so it brings about a picture, it brings about an observation of how it's quite easy to understand that there are, there are people of this kind around and we are called to be there. So when you, I'm sure even as you've been through, you're in the places of either your work or in the places of where you're staying, wherever you're at, you definitely do see evidences of people having extra marital affairs, people going through one nightstands, there's unfaithfulness in the marriage. There are so many, so many things that go on around us. And we understand now even as people tend to accept it as something that is current, that is trending. So it's something that is prevalent, you will see it all around us. So you will see in workplaces how people freely flirt with one another, or they are using certain ways or they make suggestions in order to attract one another into romantic relationships without really regarding marriage in itself. And they are often you'd find that people are just attracted into these kinds of immoral relationships. And so, like I said, it could be a one nightstand or it could be an affair that keeps going on. Many, many people actually fall into this trap. And on the other hand, you would also see there are people waiting, men or women waiting to catch on to another person to have a relationship, an adulterous relationship. And often you see this very commonly in a workplace, in a workplace setting. So scripture is really helping us to see how we should see, we should have wisdom and we should use our prudence to stay away and even recognize that this can be the agenda of people that can be this seducing that takes place. So scripture has spoken about it long before you and I have actually even known of it and even see it. Now, it's good to understand or look at because often when people get into an adulterous or an extra marital relationship, it does not happen all at once. It doesn't happen when you see the person and you decide on that. It generally doesn't happen. Most cases it doesn't happen. What it is, the way that it happens, it's a very, very slow process. It's something that takes time or there are certain, maybe let's say, progressions of how that happened. So initially it's just probably talking to someone. You're spending time with someone. Maybe it a difficult time or you may be having an okay time, but you interact with someone, spend a lot of time with someone and there begins to be a conviction that the person you're spending time with maybe is better than your own spouse or that your spouse is not good enough or there is a certain comparison that comes about that, okay, this person listens to me more, spends time with me, finds out things about me and there's a comparison about what's not happening in the marriage. And so when that begins, soon there becomes a dissatisfaction in the marriage. And when that happens, there's a lot more of emotional openness where you are connecting with the other person a lot more emotionally. And when that connection happens, there is emotional bonding that happens or emotional affections that take place. So it may come up a very casual relationship, the more that you spend time, the more that you are able to share with each other, there are an emotional bonding that happened or an emotional affection that happens and then it slowly moves into an entanglement, okay. What is an entanglement? Where you are thinking about the person or you're waiting for those interactions with the person either through a meeting or through phone calls or through texting or any other way that you can actually meet with the person. So that becomes an entanglement. Now this entanglement, when there is an entanglement, there is a lot more of sharing that takes place and an increased interaction that takes place which moves into a place of being secret, about being secretive about things, sharing secret things with the other person or meeting them in secret places or lying to the spouse and going to meet them because that emotional entanglement has happened. Now this, when this happens, it isn't long before it moves into a physical or a sexual relationship and then there is an involvement sexually and it comes to a place of getting into an affair or getting into adultery, okay. And then it becomes a life of secrecy, right. It becomes a life of hiding that things are kept away from the other person, okay. So it is a slow fade, okay. And we read this in Proverbs 9, 17 to 18, I'll read this. It's a stolen water is sweet and bread eaten in secret is pleasant, but he does not know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depth of hell. So you see, what is eaten in secret is pleasant. So it becomes pleasurable because it is done in secret, right. It's a good thing to check and understand as to why people fall into this. What is some of the reasons why people fall into this kind of a sin. So one of the first things is probably the hurts that are there in the marriage, very often when the relationship and there are emotional hurts, it isn't spoken about, it isn't discussed, it isn't shared, it isn't dealt with, it isn't addressed, these hurts tend to take root. It begins to fester, it begins to rot to a sense that there is a sense of emotional loneliness that you feel. It brings about that feeling of not feeling loved by the other spouse, okay. There can be a sense of abandonment, a sense of rejection in marriages. There can also be unmet needs, that the emotional needs that go unmet where the person feels that the other person doesn't understand, okay. There could be expectations that are unfulfilled. People get into marriage wanting or thinking that marriage would occur a certain way, but that doesn't take place. And as a result, there is, those expectations are unmet. And there in itself, there is a seeking out that happens. Or there could be some kind of a pain or a situational crisis or experience which has caused an emotional trauma. And as a result, they fall into this. Or it can be past relationships, maybe their affections that have been, that started way back in school or a late adolescence. And as a result of which this maybe a connection again brings back these relationships. So if some of these have not been dealt with or any other kind of emotional issues. So all that we spoke about were emotional issues, right. So if that isn't dealt with, there is a huge tendency or people are vulnerable to these extra marital affairs. Sometimes there could also be issues with personality or issues with the way that they see models or moral standards, right. Not really holding godly standards in their lives and thinking that it's okay to break marriages or it's okay to have multiple relationships. Or it could be a place where a person willingly compromises what there may be the values that they had and what their values that they stood for, not having those values. It could also be, even for those who may be Christians could have a low commitment, a poor commitment to what God's word says and what God's word desires for marriage. Or it can be a poor commitment to one's own spouse or just not seeing that living in sin can be very detrimental to a relationship. Often the people say, what's wrong if my spouse doesn't know or what's wrong if it's a one night stand and my spouse never even found out. That shows it's a poor understanding of what sin is or a low tolerance of sin. Now these often also make people very prone to having these immoral relationships. The other some reasons that people may have is that the sense of excitement, wanting to see that sense of excitement and something to look forward for outside of the marriage or a need to feel entitled because when there is success or when there is power or when someone has authority, they feel they are entitled to very many things. So these are some of the reasons why people do fall into sin like this, okay? Any questions? Are we all good? Are we all here? Are we all following? Okay, all right. Okay, great. Okay, so let's move on then. So as you know, what are the lessons that we learn or what are we actually called to do? So let's look at the life of David, okay? And what really happened and what are some of the principles that we can take from David's life? So would someone pick up from 2 Samuel chapter 11 versus one to four? Could somebody please read that? 2 Samuel 11 versus one to four. When that time of year came around again, the anniversary of the Ammonite aggression, David dispatched Job and his fighting men of Israel in full force to destroy the Ammonites for good. They laid siege to Rabba, but David stayed in Jerusalem. One late afternoon, David got up from taking his nap and was strolling on the roof of the palace. From his vantage point of the roof, he saw a woman bathing. The woman was stunningly beautiful. David sent to ask about her and was told, isn't this Bathsheba, daughter of Iliam and wife of Yuria the Hittite? David sent his agents to get her. After she arrived, he went to bed with her. This occurred during the time of purification following her period. Then she returned home. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Okay, yeah, so this is a very, a common story, a common lesson, a common story that we've all heard, but we'll just pick up some insights and understanding from what are some of the things that we need to take care of, okay? We know that when we're looking at the life of King of David, we do see a couple of things about him that, you know, and you read so much about David that you know that he loved, he really loved God. He was a man who had faith. He was a man who did what God wanted him to do. And God raised him from a place of being a shepherd boy into a place of being a king. So, I mean, you can just imagine the, you know, if you have like a quick flip over of his life, how much you see that God worked with his life. And I'm pretty sure, you know, the Psalms speak of it as to how he regarded as God as his Lord and his King and always giving thanks to him for what had happened. Now, through him becoming a king and after he became the King of Israel, we do see that there were a lot of victories that he won, okay? I'll just read from scripture in 2 Samuel chapter eight versus 13 onwards. So it reads, David became very famous. After his return, he destroyed 18,000 edomites in the Valley of Salt. He placed army garrisons throughout Edom and all the edomites became David's subjects. This was another example of how the Lord made David victorious wherever he went, okay? And it says, David reigned overall Israel and was fair to everyone. So if you look at this, you see how famous and how successful David had become, okay? But if you look in verse one, it says, when the time of year came around again, I'll just read it from one of the versions I have. So it says, the following spring, the time of the year when kings go to war, okay? So it says when kings go to war, which means that was the time of the year when kings were doing their job, which is going to war. What did David do? He sent his army and Joab to fight the Ammonites. But what does David do? He stays behind in Jerusalem. So one of the first things we do understand is that here David, when he was to do something, there was a purpose that he was there for his king, left that purpose and stayed back because he must have been in the peak of his success, knowing that it wasn't necessary for him to go and there is where he falls into this temptation, okay? So what do we see here is that there can be times where when we may be in the heightened, our time of heightened success or at a time of significant difficulty, we generally could be putting our guards down, right? At the time of success, we may not be very careful or at the time of deep distress is again a time where all the way we may be most vulnerable and we are not careful, we let our guards down and it is during this time that we do see that our judgment about things may be very poor and as a result, we may be making wrong choices or wrong decisions and we tend to fall into sin at these times normally, when may normally we probably are able to walk away from sin. So what is the learning that we have? What is the insight that we have? It is needed for us to be on double guard, to be really careful, to ensure that we keep our antennae our defenses up during times of great success or during times of great conflicts, okay? Because it's just a momentary decision, a thoughtless decision that we may take that can have very, very lasting consequences in our life. So at the point of time when we say, no, it's okay, it's just this or it's all right, maybe it's just text or it's just a ride or it's just a visit or anything like that can put us to a place of weakness which could definitely bring about our fall or bring about us getting lured into that temptation. So that's a lesson that we learn from David's life, okay? Now, even as we're talking about being on guard, scripture also talks about how we need to know and we'll read that portion once again, is we need to be aware of not trading something that we have that is enduring, that is lasting, that we can enjoy for a long period of time to something that is momentary, that can be just for the fun of it or for the thrill of it as people would say, right? So leaving something that is lasting, that will endure, that is a blessing for something that can be of momentary fulfillment or a momentary satisfaction. So this Proverbs five versus one to 23 actually brings about a contrast of this, of a cheap will as against something that you have as enduring, okay? So would someone please read that? Proverbs chapter five versus one to 23. Could someone please read that? Proverbs five, one to 23. Dear friend, pay close attention to this. My wisdom, listen very closely to the way I say it. Then you'll acquire a taste for good sense and what I tell you will keep you out of trouble. The lips of a seductive woman are oh so sweet. Her soft words are oh so smooth. But it won't be long before she's gravel in your mouth. I'm painting your gut a wound in your heart. She's dancing down the brim rose path to death. She's headed straight for hell and taking you with her. She hasn't a clue about real life, about who she is or where she's going. So my friend, listen closely. Don't treat my words casually. Keep your distance from such a woman. Absolutely stay out of a neighborhood. You don't want to squander your wonderful life to waste your precious life among the hard hearted. I should you allow strangers to take advantage of you. Why be exploited by those who care nothing for you? You don't want to end your life full of regrets, nothing but sin and bones saying, oh why didn't I do what they told me? Why did I reject the discipline in life? Why didn't I listen to my mentors or take my teachers seriously? My life is ruined. I haven't one blessing to show for my life. Do you know the saying, drink from your own rain barrel, draw water from your own spring bed well? It's true. Otherwise you may one day come home and find your barrel empty and you're well polluted. Your father is for you and you only, not to be passed around among strangers. Bless your fresh flowing fountain. Enjoy the wife you married as a young man. Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose. Don't ever quit taking delight in your body. Never take her love for granted. Why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills with a wool? For dallians with the promise she is stranger. Mark well that God doesn't miss a move you make. He's aware of every step you take. The shadow of your sin will overtake you and you'll find yourselves stumbling all over yourself in the dark. Death is the reward of an undisciplined life. Your foolish decisions trap you in a dead end. Okay, thank you, Ren. Thank you. So through this, like we said, it brings about what is a momentary satisfaction as against that, which can be enduring, which can be satisfied. So momentary things, momentary decisions for those thrills is something that can destroy you, that can ruin you. And what does it say about an enduring relationship? It parallels it to a fresh flowing fountain. It was 18, I think in mine. It says, let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. So that is what your spouse is parallel to, is what meant to, right? That she is a fountain of blessing. And it also talks of how God instructs a person not to get lost or trade this long lasting intimacy with that of a momentary thrill. And it is something that you enjoy with your spouse. And it's something that you've been given to enjoy with your spouse. So take need, take care of that instruction. And this is what the author of problems is actually telling us to take heed that not to trade it for something that is momentary. The next thing that when we look into scripture, scripture gives us what are the consequences of such a behavior or such a lifestyle of maybe adultery? What is the consequence? What can happen as a result? So let's just read through this Proverbs chapter six verses 23 to 35. Can someone please read that? Proverbs six, 23 to 35. Can anyone else read it? I think Durin takes the initiative to read it every time. Can somebody else read please? Proverbs up to six verses 23 to 35. So the commandment is the law of life. It gives us instruction of the way of life. To keep you from the eagerness and the flattering term of this electress, do not lust after the duty in your heart, not let her be, and use it with her eyelids. For by means of a harlot, mass is reduced to a cluster of bread. And an electress will pray upon his precious bread. Till 35. Can an electress take five to his chosen and his clothes not be wet? In one walk on half to four hours, and his feet not be sealed. So is he who goes into his neighbor's right? Whoever touches her shall not be innocent. People will not despise of the oppressor. If he is to satisfy himself when he is starving. And when he is found, he must restore seven gold. He may have to give up all the substance of this house. Whoever commits adultery with the women, lacks understanding. He who thus so destroys his own soul, wounds and dishonor he will get off. And his reproach will not be wiped away. For jealousy is a husband's burden. Therefore, he will not spare in the day of vengeance. He will accept no recompense. Nor will he be appeased, though you give many gifts. Okay, thank you, Anand. So it gives you an understanding of what happens when someone engages in adultery. It is something that will destroy you. So it says, can you build a fire in your lap and not burn your pants? Can you walk barefoot on hot coals and not get blisters? Verse 29, it's the same way when you have sex with your neighbor's wife. So it's talking or it's highlighting about how adultery is something that is going to destroy you. Even if you are going to engage in it, it is going to destroy you because verse 33, Proverbs 6 verse 33, sorry, just looking at it at another version. It says, wounds and constant disgrace will be your lot. Your shame will not be erased, which means you're the one when you get into that, it is going to be hell. It is going to be something that you're going to be carrying in for a long time. And the shame is not something that will be erased. So it's something that you expect to destroy you. So it's talking about how serious adultery can be. Adultery can be something that can destroy your soul, destroy your relationships, destroy that which is stable, destroy your relationship with God. So it's talking about how destructive it is, although the pleasure seems quite momentary. Now, having understood this, there are some principles or some guidelines that we can understand or we can think about. And there are some instructions that are given for us so that we are also judicious in the way that we relate with one another. So one of the things that we just want to highlight is one or two instructions or recommendations for women is one is for women to stay on guard, to be careful. Because when you look at the world around, you understand and you know that there are going to be people or there are people who are waiting to prowl or waiting to violate you, right? So it is bringing about the instruction to be careful because there can be people who look for women who are vulnerable so that they can seduce them into something that is immoral, right? So it's a caution. It's a word of caution for women of whether you're married or whether you're single to be on guard, to be prudent, to be careful about what will happen because if you look at Proverbs 14-1, it says, homes are made by the wisdom of women but are destroyed by foolishness, right? So the kind of power or the kind of plan that God has for women is to ensure to keep wise, to stay wise with them. So it's a word of caution. So it is to remember that as a wife or as a woman, you are your husband's bride, as it says in Proverbs 12-4. A wife is her husband's pride and joy. So it is important to stand on guard, to stand careful without being vulnerable to be used or to be violated by other people around because often, if women may not be careful, anything that someone would say could feel especially if you are in a marriage that is emotion, that there is an emotional drain on the marriage, anyone, anybody says could make somebody feel a sense of belonging, a sense of being wanted. So it says, women stay on guard. Another instruction that we read is of how it is important for women to dress modestly that one part of the way a woman, a defense or the way that we protect, a woman protects herself is by the way that she dresses. It's a known factor that men are generally turned on by what they see visually. And so if a woman puts on clothes that aren't modest or may not cover their parts of the body well enough, it definitely gets the attention of men. So it is a setting up for unnecessary trouble for a woman. So it is proper for a woman to be modest, to be sensible about her clothing. And we see this in 1st Timothy 2, verses nine to 10. I'll just read that from, I'll just read that. 1st of the piece, chapter two, verses nine and 10, okay. So it reads, and I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the things that they do, by the good things that they do. Okay, so it is, it's a way to be careful. It's just an instruction for women also to be careful because it's a way that God's made men, God's made women men being attracted by what they see and women needing to be prudent about what they wear so that we stay on guard and we don't set ourselves in for trouble, okay. Now before we get into another next portion is what happens? What happens if someone has got into adultery or if someone has taken this pathway, what can be done? So we will look at that in the next one now but then we have around two minutes and I just want to pause for any questions that we may have. Or any questions or any thoughts, any, you can bring up any reflections, anything. Okay, if we don't have any questions, let's take a break. It's 10.49 on my clock. Let's come back by 11, we will resume into our next hour.